Second Chances
by Mara Rome
Summary: A mentor fic: When Snape discovers Harry is abused by the Dursley's, he is forced to teach Harry for the summer after the tri-wizard tournament. Will they eventually find the family they never had? No slash and Harry will never be Snape's biological son.
1. Chapter 1

6/12/10 – Chapters 1-43 revised and snazzy new scene breaks - Mara

Ok, so... Umm, I've never written one of these before, so be a little kind in reviewing. I know there are like a _million_ stories that are Snape Mentoring Harry fics, because I've probably read them all, but I love them, can't get enough of them, and wanted to write my own. So, no slash, no Harry is magically Snape's biological kid, just a little abuse from the Dursley's and Snape and Harry eventually having a father son kind of relationship. I know it seems out of character for Snape to ever like Harry but I believe in second chances and think that Snape deserved to have a family, if only things had been a little different. So here they will be a little different.

**Disclaimer: Ummm, yeah, so watch out for child abuse, if you don't want to read about it, stop now. And I don't own any of this. It all belongs to the fabulous J.K. Rowling.**

**Second Chances – Chapter 1 **

It was rare that the headmaster would request his presence so soon after Severus Snape had given an update on any Death Eater activity. This in itself was a little unnerving if it weren't for the fact that Severus did not get_ unnerved_.

His spy position was again intact, amazingly, after arriving hours late to the Dark Lord's side after the fiasco at the end of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. However, a nice round of cruciatus and some skilled occlumency on Snape's part convinced the Dark Lord to turn his anger onto another "faithful follower", who apparently allowed Potter to escape.

Now he glided along the deserted corridors of Hogwarts. The students were gone for the summer and most of the professors retired to their private dwellings away from the castle. Severus thought the school was actually peaceful, void of all the little brats running around. Arriving at the gargoyle he wasted no time muttering "jelly-slugs" to reveal the spiraling staircase up to the headmaster's office.

Before he could even knock Dumbledore had called him in. "Severus, my dear Boy. Please, have a seat."

Briskly slipping into the straight-backed chair across from Dumbledore's desk Snape made no point to speak, but simply matched the headmaster's twinkling eyes with a cold, fixed look.

"How are you today, Severus?" Albus asked with a warm smile. "Can I interest you in a cup of tea or some gum drops?"

The man he had come to consider a mentor could be quite exasperating at times, clearly tip-toeing around the real topic of conversation. "I'm fine, however… I'm sure you did not call me up here for some sweets or tea, Albus," Snape responded pointedly.

"Ahhh, right down to business, Severus, something I've always respected about you." Dumbledore spoke in a sincere tone with his elbows on his desk and his fingertips pressed lightly together. Snape watched him methodically tap his fingers together as he continued.

"Indeed, I have something of extreme importance to discuss with you. I require your assistance with a special task I cannot attend to personally. It is essential that I leave immediately for a meeting at the Ministry. However, I've just received notification that an incident of under-aged magic has occurred at Harry's residence."

Snape nodded in acknowledgement while still focusing on Dumbledore's hands. He had a bad feeling he knew where this conversation was going and refused to make eye contact with the older wizard. _Damn Potter._

Taking this as a sign to continue, Dumbledore pressed on. "Most likely there is nothing to be alarmed about. If any disruption occurred with the wards I would have been alerted. However, with Harry's history with under-aged magic outside of school, I find it hard to believe it was done without good motive."

Snape cleared his throat to speak but Dumbledore silenced him with a slight raise of one hand. "As I said Severus, it is most likely nothing, but we must still look into it. Minerva is away with her family and both Hagrid and Remus are attending to other business you are well aware of."

Snapes' eyes flashed upwards menacingly, daring Dumbledore to actually say what he was implying.

Dumbledores' eyes above his half-moon spectacles bored into Snapes. "I know what you are thinking, Severus, but you are the only person available whom I trust," Dumbledore stated simply.

"And how will it look, Albus, when the Dark Lord's best servant is seen visiting Harry Potter and not kidnapping him to give to the Dark Lord himself?" Snape spat. "And have you forgotten I despise the boy?"

Letting out a long sigh, Dumbledore returned Snape's piercing gaze. "Despise is such a harsh word, Severus. Furthermore, I have no doubt that your superb spying abilities will allow you to complete the task without detection."

Snape tried to protest again but Dumbledore pushed on. "I would not have requested this of you, Severus, if there was any other way. I need to quell any fears as soon as possible and smooth over everything with the Minister of Magic. We cannot afford for Harry to have even more trouble with the Ministry."

Snape growled but let his head fall in a small nod. "And I suppose you expect that I actually speak to the boy?"

"Five minutes, Severus. I don't feel as though I'm asking too much."

_It was that solemn tone Albus would use to draw out his name that always snagged on his guilt_, Snape thought to himself bitterly.

As he rose to leave, Dumbledore spoke again. "Severus, if you would only give the boy a chance, you would quickly discover you have much more in common with Harry than either of you would like to admit."

Snape didn't respond or even acknowledge the statement, but stormed from the headmaster's office, purposely letting the door slam shut behind him.

-SS-

Harry had never received this many visitors at his relative's house in one day since… well, ever. And they couldn't possibly be arriving at the worst time. It began about an hour earlier.

To be quite honest, Harry Potter was having one of the worst summers of his life and that started with the death of Cedric Diggory and the return of Voldemort. Apparently Harry's behavior was even more horrendous this summer, as he received his Uncle's wrath worse than usual. After cooking breakfast for the Dursleys, his aunt, in what Harry could only assume was a moment of mercy, sent him to his room to nurse his wounds from the previous night. More probable though, was that she couldn't stand to look at his bruised body without getting sick.

It was from his bedroom that he heard the knock at the door and then the distinct voice of… Arthur Weasley? _Oh god, I haven't written to anyone in over a week, _Harry groaned inwardly. He had completely forgotten his agreement to keep in contact every three or four days. Time at the Dursley's home seemed to stretch by indefinitely and it was hard to keep track of anything.

Harry was broken from his train of thought as his Aunt Petunia came dashing into the room. "You listen to me you little brat, one of your freak friends is here demanding to see you. I know there are… _things_… you can do, to, you know, _fix_ your appearance. And don't even think about lying. I know there are ways. I've heard my sister talk about them when she went to that ridiculous school."

Harry stared at his aunt in wonder, contemplating his options. A, run down those stairs screaming so he could go back to the Burrow with Mr. Weasley, or, B, risk possible expulsion by performing under-aged magic as his aunt was suggesting, and pretend to Mr. Weasley that nothing was wrong. Of course the obvious choice would be A, but Harry other things to consider.

He complained to Dumbledore year after year, practically begging to stay at Hogwarts for the summer, only to be sent back to this hell hole time and again. And finally Dumbledore had admitted more of the truth to Harry this past school year. Certain wards, created by his mother's protection were maintained here at the Dursley's through the blood of his aunt and were the best protection for Harry from Voldemort. Dumbledore couldn't stress enough how important this protection would be for Harry and with his luck running into old Voldy, well, Harry agreed he could use all the protection he could get.

He realized he would probably have to go with option B, against his better judgment. It's all about self-preservation, and while his uncle was a right bastard, Harry didn't think he would actually kill him. Voldemort, on the other hand, that was definitely his game plan. Besides, there was also a part of Harry that never wanted the Weasleys, or anyone in the wizarding world for that matter, to find out about how his relatives treated him. _Not only could he not stand up to his stupid Uncle, but it was his own fault it happened in the first place._

"We both know that you need this house," Petunia spat. "The protection that crazy old man told me you would get until you turned 17. He said you couldn't get it anywhere else. Can you really afford to lose that?" Glaring down at Harry she finally thrust his wand at him. "Well? We don't have all day."

Harry was a bit dumbfounded that Petunia actually knew about the importance of the wards as well but quickly set to work casting the best glamour charm he could manage. There would be plenty of time in his adult life to attain revenge against the Dursleys. That is if Voldemort didn't get him first, of course.

It was only a matter of minutes before Harry had covered all the visible parts of his body, mainly his face and neck. His overly large hand-me-down clothes covered everything else.

As he sprinted down the stairs, Harry could hear Mr. Weasley getting extremely impatient and Vernon Dursley even more agitated that he was now going to be late for work. "Mr. Weasley! Hi. What are you doing here?" Harry gasped out of breath.

With a keen eye, Arthur took in Harry's disheveled appearance but noticed nothing too out of the ordinary before exclaiming, "Harry, what took you so long? Why haven't you written? Everyone's been a bit worried."

"I've been fine Mr. Weasley. Really," Harry stated emphatically, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

"Well, I had to come check on you… Before the boys got some crazy idea to drive out here again," Arthur muttered that last part so only Harry could hear.

The memory of the twins and Ron driving a flying car up to Harry's room in the middle of the night had actually gotten a smile out of Harry, something he hadn't done in a long time. Perhaps it was that small smile that convinced Mr. Weasley that everything really was alright. Whatever it was, Harry was grateful that he hadn't aroused any suspicions.

"And you know Sirius, barking up a storm," Mr. Weasley let out a little chuckle at his own pun. Harry grinned even more at the mention of his godfather before being interrupted.

"Well that's enough! Intruding into our home! I need to be off to work before I miss half the day!" Vernon barked. "You've bloody-well chatted long enough!"

"Yes, yes, I will be on my way. But Harry, do remember to write more," Arthur said sincerely.

And with that Vernon ushered Mr. Weasley out the door.

-SS-

Apparating a safe distance from any houses, Snape began his walk towards Privet Drive. Instead of his usual attire he wore black slacks and a crisp, white shirt.

"_All the stupid houses look the same,_" he muttered to himself, but quicker than he would have liked, he found himself in front of Number Four, Privet Drive. He had the slightest bit of apprehension before starting up the walk but he brushed it off as instantly as it had appeared. Severus Snape spent his life tempting fate with the Dark Lord. This would be a cake walk.

"_Pampered, little Harry Potter, disrupting everyone's summer," _he hissed as he rapped firmly on the door.

-SS-

An hour after the whole Arthur Weasley incident and thirty minutes after receiving his official Ministry warning, Harry could be found washing the morning dishes in the kitchen. He was broken from his internal grumblings about the unfairness of it all when a knock came from the door. "Get that boy!" Petunia harped from down the hall.

Crumpling the letter into his pocket, Harry pulled open the front door only to be completely flabbergasted by his second visitor of the day. "Pr-Professor Snape!" Harry stuttered.

"Eloquent as always, Mr. Potter," Snape replied silkily, sizing up the teenager in front of him. The only hint he gave of noticing anything out of the ordinary was the slight raise of one eyebrow. "Am I to remain on your front walk indefinitely or do you have any manners Potter?"

"Of- Of course Sir. Um. Come in," Harry stepped to the side of the doorway and gestured with one awkward arm for Snape to enter the Dursley's sitting room.

Quickly taking in his surroundings, Snape noticed that the room was in pristine order and showed the exterior of a perfect, happy, family. Of course he knew it showed only the exterior because each and every picture showed a perfect, happy, family of _three_, all void of one Harry Potter. This posed a curious quandary for Severus Snape.

_What in god's name is HE doing here? First Mr. Weasley and now SNAPE! Aunt Petunia is going to have a heart attack seeing another full-grown wizard in her home. Boy am I going to get it tonight when Uncle Vernon gets…_

"What are YOU doing here?" Petunia ground out through her clenched teeth, abruptly yanking Harry from his personal worries.

Not missing a moment of Petunia's pure loathing, Snape replied with his smooth tone, "It's a pleasure to see you again as well, Petunia." Having been absolutely certain that the boy-who-lived was as prized at home as he was at school, Snape's attention to detail was now telling him otherwise. The glamour charm the boy was wearing was also an interesting addition to the puzzle. Severus Snape was not the type of man that enjoyed being surprised out of his current assumptions. He would definitely need to get to the bottom of all this. "I assure you, however, I would like nothing more than to be free from either of your presences and will only need to speak with Mr. Potter for a moment."

"Fine. Make it quick. I won't have my son seeing the likes of your kind when he gets home," Petunia stated firmly, giving Snape one of the fiercest glares Harry had ever seen. He had been watching the exchange between his loathed professor and his not too favorite aunt with actual excitement. Their choices of words seemed to imply they knew each other and although Petunia was not a fan of anything to do with the magical world, no one had ever gotten to her this much. Well… except Harry. And not only did Professor Snape CLEARLY get to Petunia, he matched her glare and seemed to actually instill some fear in her, something Harry didn't mind seeing, even if it was Snape doing the intimidating.

Petunia crossed her arms, obviously preparing to oversee the entire interaction between professor and student.

"I will need to speak to Mr. Potter in private. Of course you understand," Snape responded curtly. "Mr. Potter, why don't you show me to your room?" All the while he never took his penetrating, cold eyes from Petunia's.

Caught off guard by finally being included in the conversation, Harry sputtered, "My what? My Room?"

"Yes, your ROOM. You do have one, don't you Potter? I'm certain Petunia wouldn't deny you one of those," Snape replied smoothly while raising an implicating eye brow in Mrs. Dursley's direction.

"Well go on boy, what are you waiting for, the sooner he sees it, the sooner he can leave!" Petunia hissed.

"Yes ma'am," Harry quickly answered and abruptly led Snape through the house to the second floor.

The locks on the outside of Harry's door did not go unnoticed by Severus Snape.

Once inside the privacy of Harry's room, he turned to face his professor, while not quite making eye contact. _The man never ceases to be scary,_ Harry thought.

"Is there something you would like to tell me Mr. Potter?" He already knew the answer. _Of course there is something you would like to tell me_. Snape was merely interested in giving Harry the chance to explain himself, or perhaps to torture him a little. _It was always fun to torture a Potter._

"Umm, uh, no Sir." Harry couldn't quite find his voice and it came out more like a whisper than an acceptable answer. His mind raced while he clutched the crumpled paper in his pocket… _Why in the world is Snape here? Does the Ministry tell your school too? Am I going to get suspended?_

The boy was fidgeting and clearly stalling. "Enough of this foolishness! You are wasting even more of MY time! Finite Incantum!" Snape bellowed with a slash of his wand watching Harry flinch severely.

Noticing immediately in the drop of the Glamour Charm, Harry instinctively brought his hands up to cover his face.

Snape's jaw dropped open with a sharp intake of breath. Rarely, possibly he could count on one hand the times, he was this caught off guard… "Pot… Potter?"

_Best to recompose himself._ "Move your hands Mr. Potter," he tried again attempting at a softer tone.

Harry's face, or at least the parts visible from beneath his hands, was not the color normal flesh should be. Rather, it was various shades of purple, blue, green and even a sickly yellow, which Snape could presume, came from layers upon layers of bruises. It was all too reminiscent of his very own appearance when he was the boy's age.

From what he could see above the boy's collar, there was bruising there as well and it most obviously continued out of sight. Red, hand-shaped marks were clearly visible around Harry's throat. Even the boys' wrists had purple markings.

_Why had this caught him so off guard? He should have seen this coming. He should have known the moment he walked into the house. Harry Potter, the bloody Boy-Who-Lived, wearing a Glamour Charm in the middle of summer? Risking under-aged magic? Risking expulsion? Had he really let a ridiculous childhood grudge cloud his better judgment? Not even that, but cloud his natural deductive reasoning? Shit! _

"I'm going to ask you again. Please lower your hands and have the respect to look at me." His tone was not harsh but left little room for debate.

Harry's mind was running a mile a minute. _How had Snape known? Mr. Weasley didn't see it. Or did he? Did he see it and then tell Dumbledore, who sent Snape? No. Mr. Weasley would have said something… Damn it! Of course, the letter! Of course they would notify the school. Or Dumbledore would have his own ways of finding out. Either way I'm royally screwed! Snape is going to love this information. Something new to torture me with. _

Slowly lowering his arms but not quite meeting Snape's gaze he decided the best thing would be to try and lie. "Pr-Professor. It's not what it looks like. I got into a fight with a kid down the street and I, uh, didn't want my aunt to know." _Yeah that sounded good._

"Don't lie to me! I know it is EXACTLY what it looks like Potter!" Snape spat, regretting immediately his harsh words. It couldn't be helped now but he absolutely loathed the idea that the boy would place blame anywhere besides on those to whom it really belonged. Severus had accepted a long time ago that what happened to him was not his own fault. And furthermore, excuses should never be made for the guilty party. He could not, and would not, stand by and let the boy let _them_ off the hook. _No, they will pay, _Snape seethed to himself.

_Perhaps now is not the time to have this discussion_, he realized. "Get your things Potter. You have five minutes to meet me downstairs, completely packed." With that Snape spun on his heel and exited Harry's room, leaving him dumbstruck and standing alone.

_What in the bloody-hell just happened? _It was obvious to Harry that Snape was furious, but it did not, somehow, actually seem aimed at him, which was definitely a first in history.

Whatever just happened, Harry knew it would be better not to test the professors' patience and quickly began throwing stuff into his trunk.

-SS-

Snape silently made his way back downstairs. _Just one little word with Petunia perhaps, _he mused as he descended the stairs, an evil glint in his eye. He had not become a Death Eater for nothing. Revenge was a powerful drive when it came to Severus Snape.

Fortunately he did not have far to go before he found exactly the person he was looking for. Petunia Dursley was obviously trying to listen as best she could from the bottom of the stairs and could only retreat a little as she saw Snape coming down the stairs too late.

Glaring down on Petunia Dursley, he swiftly cornered her against the wall. _Vernon Dursley should consider himself extremely lucky he is not home at the moment,_ Snape thought to himself. He was not sure if he could contain his wrath against the man as well as he would against the pathetic woman in front of him.

Although trying to stand tall, Petunia Dursley was clearly cowering, bringing a slight smile to Snapes' lips in the form of an evil smirk. "Is there something you would like to tell me Petunia?" Snape spoke in his dangerously quiet tone.

"Only that I think it's time you get out of my house. You're not welcome here!" Petunia bit back, but still visibly shaking.

Snape kept silent for what seemed like hours as his eyes seemed to actually drill through hers. "Perhaps… there are things you would like to tell your sister?" He again spoke smoothly and quietly, all the while seeming cool, calm, and collected.

"What?" she Sputtered. "I don't know what you-"

"ENOUGH!" Only Snape could yell without ever really raising his voice above a deathly whisper. "You will shut up and listen, Woman!"

Petunia seemed to be holding her breath.

"Clearly," he spoke very slowly, once again regaining his composure, "you did not inflict the majority of those injuries. But! Whether you participated – or – simply sat back and watched… I. Don't. Care. You are just as guilty either way. Do you understand me? You are a hideous disgrace to your sister," Snape spat.

He let the ominous silence sink in for a minute before continuing.

"There is one thing I want to know, however," and again Snape paused to put the woman more on edge.

"What - do you think - possessed the boy to use a glamour charm? Hmm?" Snapes' words were laced with sarcasm as he raised one eyebrow.

As his dark eyes bored into Petunia Dursley's, he took the opportunity to perform a little Legilimency. It would be much quicker and easier to retrieve the answer he was looking for.

*Snape could see Petunia glaring at Harry slaving away in the garden.* Then she was slapping him for burning Dudley's bacon.* Memories were flashing through Snape's mind.* Finally she was rushing into his rooming blurting out her request for him to magically "fix" himself and thrusting the boy's wand into his hand.* That was all he needed to know and Snape immediately withdrew from the woman's mind.

"Believe me when I tell you, Petunia, and please, by all means, pass this along to your husband. You will both be very, VERY sorry – for ever harming a hair on that boy's head. _And_ if you _ever_ hurt Harry again, so help me-"

Snapes' words were cut short, by the sound of Harry's trunk clunking down the stairs. He liked it better this way though, everything left hanging for Petunia's imagination.

Snape took a step back, smoothing his shirt as though nothing at all had transpired in the last five minutes.

Harry stepped into the entryway and wearily looked between his aunt and professor while keeping his head down as much as possible. Petunia was glaring at him with a mixture of pure hatred and quite possibly a small hint of regret, which Harry assumed came only from being caught. He did not know, of course, the details of the conversation that had just occurred between her and the professor. The look in Professor Snape's eye, Harry couldn't quite place. Coldness, as usual, and anger, but something else flashed there that Harry had never really seen before in his Professors' eyes. Meanwhile, he knew sheer, utter embarrassment was written all over his own face.

With a flick of Snape's wrist, Harry's trunk floated over to him and then shrunk so he could slip it into his pocket. He decided he should speak and move a little bit slower around the boy. "Potter, I assume you have your invisibility cloak on you."

He would rather not see Harry flinch the way he had before. Although Snape enjoyed striking fear into his students, Harry's reaction did not bring him any pleasure, knowing it was the result of his relatives.

"Yes Sir," Harry practically whispered.

"Please put it on now," Snape said, again his voice holding no hint of the usual disdain.

Harry fumbled quickly with his jacket to pull out the cloak he was hiding and proceeded to throw it over himself and Hedwig's cage.

Satisfied, Snape said, "Very well, if you are sure you have everything, we will be on our way." He gave a curt nod to Petunia Dursley while opening the front door and gestured for Harry to precede him outside.

Once they were alone on the front walk Snape began speaking, seemingly, to thin air. "If you would follow me then."

They walked a short distance down Privet Drive in silence to a small alleyway.

"You will need to take hold of my arm, Mr. Potter."

Harry hesitantly wrapped his fingers around Snape's left forearm, hoping dearly that it didn't matter which one.

With a small pop they apparated away from Little Whinging.

-SS-


	2. Chapter 2 Misconceptions

**Disclaimer: Again, I don't own any of these amazing characters and this is purely for fun. I hope some people are enjoying this as I have no idea if I'm any good at conveying what's in my head. **

Thanks to all five people :) for the reviews and in regards to why it is called Second Chances, I think Snape's first chance would have been to be nice to Harry when he first started school… besides, I could be evil and rename it twenty million chances, because we know it will take a little while for Snape to ever warm up to Harry if he remains at all in character.

**Oh and warnings of child abuse in the coming chapter… if it would bother you to read about it, you should stop here. **

_Where we left off last chapter:_

_Harry hesitantly wrapped his fingers around Snape's left forearm, hoping dearly that it didn't matter which one. _

_With a small pop they apparated away from Little Whinging. _

-SS-

**Chapter 2 - Misconceptions**

Harry did not like this feeling one bit. It felt like he was being squeezed through some invisible hole and he was definitely going to suffocate. The only thing keeping him from panicking was the solidness of Snape's forearm underneath his frantic fingers. _If Snape is still here than he must be feeling it too and it must be normal, right? _

Finally his feet hit solid ground and he gulped in much needed oxygen, immediately dropping Hedwig's cage with a loud clatter, which in turn, yanked the invisibility cloak half off him. His hand wrapped viciously around Snape's arm to help steady himself while his other arm flailed frantically for something to hang onto as he fell forward.

Sometimes it could be said that Snape had the reflexes of a quidditch seeker, although he would never use that analogy personally. His right arm snapped up instantly to grab Harry's other wrist and stop him from crashing face first into the stone walkway.

Upon seeing that the boy had recovered his footing, Snape released his grip, extricated his own forearm from the boys' clutches, and started immediately up the walk.

It was by no means a moment of compassion that he stopped the ridiculous child from falling. _If he was going to have to heal the Blasted-Boy-Who-Lived,_ _why make more work for himself than he already had_? At least that's what Severus Snape was telling himself.

Harry found himself staring up at a spectacular manor. Having only ever seen a few wizarding homes, one of them being the mismatched Burrow, this place was absolutely brilliant! This was not to say that Harry didn't absolutely adore The Burrow and wish dearly that is was his real home. This place, however, was much larger than the Burrow and the architecture was exquisite. The beige stonework façade of the manor shone warmly in the mid-day sun and the expansive windows lining the many floors reflected the beautiful, blue sky. Little balconies were interspersed on every floor and amazing marble steps led up to an arched entryway.

Having no idea where Snape was taking him, Harry could only come up with his own possibilities. In the end, he could think of three places, Hogwarts, the _Headquarters_ Ron and Hermione had hesitantly mentioned in their letters, or perhaps The Burrow. As this was definitely not Hogwarts or The Burrow, he could only guess it was the _infamous Headquarters_. _Headquarters of what?_ Harry still hadn't been able to ascertain _that_ through any correspondence with what he had _thought_ were his closest friends.

Harry had secretly hoped Snape would take him to Hogwarts rather than to Sirius and his closest friends. He'd rather no one saw him in this condition, but if someone must, he would choose Dumbledore and even McGonagall, if he had to, over Sirius, Ron, Hermione, and perhaps the entire Weasley family. He couldn't bear to see their pity or disappointment.

With that in mind, he couldn't hide his own distress as he resigned to his fate. _Nothing was going to go his way today. _

Snape was halfway to the door when he realized Harry was not following. Spinning on his heel, Snape prepared to throw his best glare and sniping remark at the boy, only to find Harry staring at him with trepidation. _Merlin, the sight of the boy was awful. What could have possibly caused that much bruising? _Well… he knew what, but it still caught him off guard to say the least.

Realizing the boy's internal struggle, Snape put away the sneering comment he had planned. _The boy was as easy to read as an open book. _"Potter, I do not have all day. I would not normally request your presence in my home, but I would like to get you to your mutt of a godfather before I have wasted my entire day. And before that can be done those injuries will need to be healed." His patience was fading fast but things would go more smoothly and he could get rid of the boy sooner, IF he had Potter's cooperation.

He had been given little choice in where to take the blasted- boy-who-lived-to-drive-him-crazy. Albus would be occupied at the Ministry all day, he could heal the boy better than Poppy could... no offense to the talented Medi-witch, and there was no way in hell he was going to Headquarters with the boy in this condition. The fuss Black and Molly Weasley would throw would be enough to give Severus a serious migraine and he would never be able to accomplish healing the boy with them coddling Potter. Not to mention he would rather curse off his own hand than be the one to have this conversation with Black.

Snape saw recognition dawning on the boy's face and immediately spun back towards the house and resumed his brisk walk. He could hear Harry jogging up behind him.

_Wow, so this was Snape's house… Who woulda' thought. Ron is never going to believe this…_

-SS-

As Snape neared the ornately carved wooden doors he muttered a password Harry couldn't hear and flicked his wand, causing them to swing open of their own accord. "Leave the birdcage here. You can collect it on our way out," he said as he stepped aside allowing Harry to precede him into the house.

As if the outside of the manor wasn't amazing enough, Harry found himself standing in a vast entrance hall. A large curving stairway flanked by deep mahogany banisters was directly in front of him. It spiraled to at least the third floor from what Harry could see. On both sides of the grand staircase were large double doors and to his left and right were long corridors leading to even more rooms.

Harry was a bit surprised the place seemed simplistically classy. It wasn't adorned with gaudy chandeliers or artifacts like he might have expected, not because he expected that sort of thing from Snape, but because he assumed rich people always decorated their homes with gaudy things. The natural sunlight streaming in from the large window above the front door illuminated a large vivid, green fern and made the place seem extremely tranquil. It was not quite what one would expect for a greasy-git of a Potion Master, who spends his time locked in the dungeons of Hogwarts.

After stepping through the door after Harry, Snape couldn't help but retort, "Not what you were expecting Potter?" His mouth twisted into a satisfied smirk.

_God, the man could seriously read minds!_ "Uh, no, Sir. NO, I mean, that's not what I was thinking. It's really nice. Your home. Sir." _He's definitely going to kill me. _

Rolling his eyes, Snape stepped around Harry and proceeded to the double doors on the left side of the staircase. He pushed them open and disappeared into what Harry could only assume was a parlor of sorts. Harry just stared after, feeling like a complete idiot. _Not only did Snape have to find him looking like he was run over by a Norwegian Ridge-back, but then he had to insult the man in his own home. _Harry didn't mean to insult him. He actually thought the potions professor had a beautiful home, but he knew his surprise that the man actually lived here, would be interpreted by Snape as an insult.

A voice from the other room yanked Harry from his thoughts. "Again, I do not have all day, Potter."

His feet began moving of their own accord. Tentatively stepping over the threshold, Harry found himself amazed yet again. This room was surprisingly comfortable and inviting. Although it was summer, a light fire was crackling in the grate and it was surrounded by a plush sofa and arm chairs in deep earth tones. The walls were lined with bookshelves and a rich mahogany desk sat off to the left side of the room. It was obvious that this room got a lot of use. The couches and chairs were inviting, and a maroon, green, and gold blanket was carelessly thrown over the arm of the chair closest to the fire.

Snape was in the process of pulling a stiffer chair around to the side of the desk to face Harry. He had taken a few items out of a cabinet behind the desk and methodically lined them up on it next to the chair. Harry recognized one of the vials as the pain-relieving potion he often received in the infirmary.

"Potter, take your shirt off and sit," Snape said briskly while indicating the chair. "And drink the green vial, farthest to the right. I will return momentarily." With that he gracefully brushed past Harry out of the room.

Harry sighed. There was no point in arguing with the man. Knowing his torso had far more bruises than what was already visible, he would rather not remove his shirt, but Snape was anything if not relentless, and it seemed, _the gig was up._ It was probably best to get this over with as soon as possible.

Pulling his shirt over his head, Harry reached for the pain-relieving potion and downed it in one go. He was thankful Snape had been thoughtful enough to provide it, as he would have never asked, even though his ribcage and some other bruised areas were aching with every movement. He eased himself down slowly into the chair and gripped tightly to his t-shirt. At least it gave him something to do with his hands.

Harry sat there for what seemed like an eternity. It was as if he was waiting for his death sentence. Although Snape had been almost decent the entire time thus far, it was hard not to fear the man, knowing his temper could turn on a dime.

When Harry was about to finally get up and pace the room, he couldn't sit still any longer, Snape walked back through the door. The cuffs of his white linen shirt were rolled up to each elbow and he was carrying a large jar in one hand and a bowl with a washcloth in the other. Even without his robes billowing behind him he walked with a determined, yet graceful, stride straight to Harry and the desk, setting down both items.

It took all of Severus' determination to keep his steps from faltering when he entered the room and saw the rest of Harry's battered body. Although his imagination had already given him a pretty accurate picture, the real thing was still too real. He hardened his eyes, determined to keep them free of any emotion. _How could he be feeling sorry for Harry-bloody-Potter?_ _The arrogant little brat was just like his father._ But his heart wasn't really in that insult with the sight currently sitting in front of him.

Harry refused to make eye contact and instead kept his head bowed a little, focusing on twisting his t-shirt in his hands. He couldn't help but flinch a little when Snape broke the silence.

"This," he said, indicating the potion next to the now empty pain-relieving vial, "is a nutritive Potion. When is the last time you ate Mr. Potter?" He was trying very hard to keep his voice hard but still malice-free.

When Harry's only answer was "Umm…" Snape cocked one eyebrow.

"I will need more of an answer than that," he said curtly.

"I had some soup yesterday, Sir," Harry whispered as he caught his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Snape's eyes narrowed maliciously. "And before that, Mr. Potter?" _Those damn muggles!_ It was quite obvious the boy was not being fed properly based on how his ribs stuck out.

Harry dared a glance up upon hearing the professor's dangerous, quiet tone. He'd heard it quite often and it was best to be prepared for the imminent attack that usually followed.

"I'm - uh- not sure, sir. Perhaps a small sandwich the day before. I haven't been that hungry lately, what with everything that happened this past school year." His voice trailed off at the end when he recalled the specific events of this past year… Cedric's death… Voldemort's return to a body. He shook his head a little as if that could clear it from those thoughts. He knew his statement had been a blatant lie the mind-reading professor would see right through, but he had to try. He didn't want to look completely pathetic.

"I will say this once, and only once, Mr. Potter. Do. Not. Ever. Let me hear you making excuses for those muggles again. Do I make myself clear?" Snape's eyes bored into Harry's and he found he couldn't look away. Pure contempt was written all over them but based on the professors' words Harry could only assume it wasn't aimed at him.

"Yes, sir," Harry answered quietly, finally looking down from Snape's gaze. _Is he mad at them? On my behalf? This would be more comfortable if he was still scowling at me. _

Snape took out his wand and began muttering things as he waved it over Harry's body. "You will need to actually drink the potion for it to have any effect," Snape sneered.

_There, that was more like it. _

Harry grabbed the vial and again downed it in one swallow. _Ugh, why does a Nutritive Potion have to be so disgusting? Couldn't it taste like your favorite candy or even chicken noodle soup? _

Noticing the disgusted look on Harry's face, Snape couldn't hold back a retort this time. "My deepest apologies that my home _and_ my potions aren't up to the standards of famous Harry Potter." Clearly not sorry at all as his words were laced with sarcasm.

Harry glared up at the potions professor through the black fringe of his hair, biting back a smart remark. There was still one potion remaining on the desk and Harry chose to refocus his attention on that. It looked vaguely familiar and he wondered why Snape hadn't had him drink that one as well.

Finally, Snape pocketed his wand into his black trousers and spoke again. "As suspected, you have three broken ribs, Potter. So yes, you will have to consume the Skele-grow." He inclined his head towards the last potion.

_God, no wonder it looked familiar... That stuff is awful._ Harry grudgingly grabbed the vial but a thought struck him before he had tipped it down his throat. "But Sir, can't you just mend the bones with a spell? I thought Skele-grow was only needed like when Lockhart vanished all the bones in my arm."

"Skele-grow is also used to aid the spell of mending bones when they have not had the chance to heal properly or have been reinjured before being completely healed." Snape spoke as if he was explaining something to a three-year old. "You would, of course, know this, if you paid any attention in my class."

"Right," Harry bit back before swallowing the potion. This one had very little taste in comparison to the last two but what Harry was really dreading was the pain that would accompany bone re-growth. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt as much because it wasn't like he was re-growing an entire bone.

Before he had much time to dwell on it, Harry was shocked from his stupor at Snape's soft touch as the man began rubbing the strange salve onto Harry's face. The jar he had brought in earlier was now open in Snape's left hand and Harry could see an opaque looking salve inside that had little-to-no odor. Snape worked swiftly, but gently, covering all the bruised areas on Harry's face, neck, and torso, tilting Harry's head this way and that by gently gripping his chin. To say this was awkward would be a complete understatement. Harry was absolutely mortified by the close inspection from his much loathed Potions Professor.

Snape grabbed his wand out of his pocket and within seconds the chair Harry had been sitting on was transfigured into a stool. Obviously the back of the chair would get in the way if he was going to put that salve all over Harry's back too, which Harry knew was exactly what Snape intended.

Harry had been pleasantly surprised that after a few minutes on his skin, the salve left no traces of ever having been there. He had been a little worried he would show up at Sirius' with sticky salve covering half his body. That, in combination with the bruises, might be worse than just bruises.

Thus far, Severus had no need for the washcloth or bowl of antiseptic, but his assumptions were right in that he would need them at one point. Harry's back had three deep welts that actually broke the skin. There were older scars that Snape could easily conclude were not from the boy's many Quidditch accidents. No, this was not a one-time occurrence like he had secretly hoped. Though, incidents like this rarely were a one-time thing. Snape was far too aware, having seen many Slytherins pass under him in the same predicament, not to mention his own personal experiences.

He rung the washcloth out with both hands and gently wiped it over each line before using his wand to seal the broken skin. While he still had his wand out Snape used the opportunity to do another once over on the boy without Harry's knowledge. He had not asked the boy to remove his trousers. That was above and beyond the call of duty as far as Severus was concerned.

The spell Snape cast alerted him to a few bruises on the boy's right thigh, but other than that his lower body was injury free. He would give the boy a small jar of salve to take with him. Harry could attend to those himself since they were not life threatening nor visible.

Pocketing his wand, Snape retrieved the jar off the desk and resumed the tedious job of applying the salve over the majority of Harry's back. He silently noted that the majority of the bruising on Harry's face had already disappeared and would be completely gone by the time he finished with the boy's back.

This salve was a special concoction Snape had advanced himself from the regular base most wizards could obtain in any healing store. Back in his school days he couldn't afford to have visible bruises every year when he returned to Hogwarts. Black and Potter's little gang already had enough ammunition to torture him with. He wasn't about to give them more. As Snape was advanced beyond his years in Potions, he experimented with the healing base all through his fourth year until he had perfected the recovery time down to only a matter of minutes. It had been a few years after he finished Hogwarts that he had bothered to publish his findings and patent the recipe.

Snape recapped the jar and stepped around to face Harry once again. "Are there any other injuries or lingering pain that I should be made aware of?" he drawled.

"Umm, no, Sir." Harry dropped his gaze back to the floor almost immediately after he had made eye contact with the professor. "But, thank you, Sir," he mumbled.

Snape's lip quirked upward ever so slightly. Luckily the boy wasn't looking. _Perhaps he was the least bit grateful, it sounded sincere enough. _

"Potter, give it five minutes to absorb before putting your shirt back on." Snape spoke as if he were a doctor giving orders to a patient. "I will return in that time to apparate to Headquarters. In the meantime, memorize this." He slipped Harry a small piece of parchment before magically waving away all the empty vials and the bowl sitting on the desk. Grabbing the jar of salve Snape waltzed from the room without a second glance to the boy he just healed.

As he walked to his lab, Snape had to admit he was quite lucky Albus had caught him in the entrance hall that morning with the forethought to slip him that piece of parchment.

'_Just in case Harry needs to come earlier than we have planned.' _That damn twinkle in his eye as if he knew something Severus didn't.

_But Merlin, what would he have done stuck with the boy all day? Without that simple piece of parchment he would not have been able to bring Harry to Headquarters. The omniscient man was always good for something. _

Harry inquisitively raised his eyebrows while unfolding the small scrap of paper. He immediately recognized the fluid script. _Dumbledore!_ A smile lit up his exhausted face.

_The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, _

_Grimmauld Place, London. _

_What in the bloody-hell does that mean?_ Harry jumped from his seat in frustration. _Finally he hears from Dumbledore and this is what he writes._ _Oh goody, now I know the address of headquarters. But I still don't know what the hell the headquarters is for…Order of the Phoenix. What the hell is that? I'm the one who saw Voldemort come back. Shouldn't I be a part of any efforts to stop him?_ Letting out another long sigh he grabbed for his overly large t-shirt and pulled it down over his head.

_Well at least I get to see Sirius and he'll finally give me some answers._ Glancing up from his pacing, Harry saw the tall menacing figure of Snape standing in the doorway, now wearing his usual, billowing, black robe. _He could look scary any time, but those robes really did help_, Harry thought cynically to himself.

_Well, better get this over with, _and Harry strode toward the professor until he was standing directly in front of him, but not quite meeting his gaze. Snape reached for Harry's chin and he instinctively took a step backwards. Immediately recognizing the ridiculousness of his reaction, Harry shut his eyes tightly as if he could take back the last few seconds. _Snape must think I'm such a coward. Oh well, it will add nicely to his growing list of grievances against me. _

With Harry's step back Snape paused ever so slightly before taking a small step forward and slowly reached for the boys chin. Grabbing it just firmly enough to tilt the boy's head around, Snape proceeded to inspect his face for any traces of injuries. Harry kept his eyes shut but he could still feel Snape scrutinizing him.

Satisfied, Snape released his grip. "Potter, I am supplying you with a small jar of healing salve in case any bruise should reappear," he said smoothly.

Harry's eyes popped open frantically. "They could reappear, Sir? All of them?" His voice was quiet but practically desperate.

Knowing full well the bruises would not reappear, Severus had simply needed an excuse to give the boy the jar to attend to other bruises on his leg. "It is highly unlikely and merely a precautionary measure," he drawled.

Harry just stared at the strange man in front of him for a few minutes while the words sunk in. _So most likely they won't come back… but since when would Snape ever do anything for me as a "precautionary measure"?_

"Potter!" Snapes' eyes flicked down to the jar he was holding in his hand and back up to Harry's gaze.

Noticing what the professor was holding Harry quickly took the offered jar and dropped it into the pocket of his jeans. "Right. Thanks, Sir."

Snape spun on his heel, heading for the front door and Harry followed close behind. Once outside, Harry grabbed Hedwig's cage while Snape was busy recasting wards on the door. He swept down the steps past Harry without a word.

Harry took it as a signal to follow again, but rolled his eyes. _The man could be so dramatic._

Even with Snape's brisk pace, from this vantage point Harry could admire the expanse of lawn that was the front yard. The stone walkway was flanked, while the rest of the yard was spotted, with lush weeping-willow trees. The sun sparkled through the many hanging branches. It seemed very inviting to Harry to curl up and read a book under any one of the trees.

_How could this be Snape's house?_

Ahead Harry could see a low stone wall, which must have been the property line where they had apparated to when first arriving.

Snape stopped just past the wall and turned to Harry. "You did memorize the piece of parchment I gave you." He raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Harry.

_Was that a question or a statement? Snape was really ridiculous sometimes. _"Yes, Sir." _The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix is found at number 12, Grimmauld Place, London,_ Harry repeated to himself.

Snape didn't offer his arm to Harry this time, but instead wrapped his fingers tightly around Harry's own wrist. It gave Harry no time to prepare for the familiar squeeze that was apparation. Surprisingly, he didn't feel as nauseous or frantic for breath as he did last time.

Knowing that side-along apparition would be difficult twice in one day for someone who was new to the method, Snape had secretly included a stomach calming draught in the nutritive potion he had give Harry earlier.

They landed with a thunk directly in front of the door to Number 12 and if it weren't for Snape's strong grip on Harry's arm, the boy would have flown headfirst into said door. Once he knew the boy's footing was secure he released his grip and rapped hard with the door knocker.

Almost immediately, the door was flung open to reveal Sirius Black glaring straight at Snape. He didn't even notice the smaller figure standing off to Snape's right. "What the hell do you want, Snape?" he spat, his eyes blazing with fury.

"Thought you might like this," Snape replied sarcastically while inclining his head to the right. His eyes were as equally cold as Sirius' were blazing.

-SS-

A/N - When I first thought of this story I couldn't decide what year to base it in, I didn't want Harry to be too old or too young and I wanted Sirius to be in it, but yeah, I forgot about all the details of Harry first arriving at number 12 so I'm not sure where the next chapter will go quite yet, but I'll keep plugging along if people are enjoying it.

Let me know what you think, but remember… I've never really written anything before… so please be kind.


	3. Chapter 3 Answers and No Answer

**Disclaimer**: Again, I don't own any of these amazing characters and this is purely for fun. I hope some people are enjoying this as I have no idea if I'm any good at conveying what's in my head.

Thanx to everyone who has reviewed or who has put the story on their favorites list or who are just enjoying reading. I really appreciate it.

A/N –I apologize if the chapter is less eventful than I would have hoped but I felt there was some necessary canon stuff to cover and I wanted the story to flow rather than just saying "Ok, everyone pretend now that we know what happens in OoTP". So hopefully, you'll forgive me and come back next week for the next chapter. But also, do imagine that Harry discovers all the strange oddities of the Black House like he did in OoTP. I just didn't want to copy JKR and describe the place again.

And now on with the show…

"Thought you might like this," Snape replied sarcastically while inclining his head to the right. His eyes were as equally cold as Sirius' were blazing.

-SS-

**Chapter 3 – Answers and No Answer**

Sirius' eyes followed the movement until they rested on Harry. Slowly realization dawned in them as the boy stared back.

Harry was surprised at the state of his godfather. He looked a lot healthier than the last times Harry had seen him. His hair was shorter and cleanly cut and although his facial hair was just starting to show a five-o-clock shadow, it was a huge improvement from the raspy, unshaven look he sported last year while camping out in the mountains near Hogwarts. His face wasn't as pale, there was at least a tinge of healthy glow to his skin, and he definitely wasn't as skinny as before.

"Harry!" Sirius shouted, grinning ear to ear. His initial reaction to pull Harry in to a big hug was immediately stalled as his smile was replaced with worry. "What are you doing here?" he asked, looking from Harry and back up to Snape when no answer was forth coming.

Harry's original smile at seeing his godfather was now replaced with trepidation. Immediately he dropped his gaze to a fascinating pebble he could kick around with his trainer. This was not quite the way he wanted to have _this_ discussion. Trying to stall probably wasn't the best technique, but Harry didn't really care at this point. He just couldn't bring himself to speak. He told himself that if Snape hadn't been looming over them both, maybe he would have felt comfortable telling Sirius everything. But that probably wasn't true. Snape already knew anyways… didn't care, but already knew.

Snape was clearly enjoying the turmoil Sirius was going through. Everyone in the Order was well aware that Harry was not supposed to be brought to Headquarters for a few more weeks, and even then, the actual plans had yet to be finalized. But even better than that shock was the fact that Harry's escort was none other than Severus Snape. Snape was definitely loving this moment.

It was obvious Sirius was furious he was not consulted in the change of plans and he continued to look between the two newcomers for some sort of answer. From Harry's slight shuffling it was apparent to both adults that the boy wasn't about to offer up any sort of explanation.

Severus couldn't help but take pity on him. As he stood there with his shoulders hunched and head bowed, Harry looked younger than a soon to be 15-year-old and Snape couldn't seem to shake the image of Harry covered in bruises and flinching from Snape's movement.

"It appears Mr. Potter believes he is just as much exempt from following rules out of school as he is in school," Snape said in his smooth, sarcastic tone.

Harry's head popped up to glare at the Professor. Of course he expected Snape to tell everything, but did he really have to be such a git? And what was with his speech earlier, the whole _"don't let me hear you making excuses for those muggles"_ thing? Now he blamed Harry instead?

_Well at least that got a reaction out of the boy_, Snape thought although his eyes never strayed from Sirius Black's confused face. "Potter decided to extract his own revenge by casting a Jelly-Legs Jinx on his muggle cousin. Perhaps he should be informed that this behavior actually has consequences," Snape said snidely.

Out of the corner of his eye, Severus saw the boy's jaw drop. Merlin, he was an awful actor, his thoughts and emotions written all over his face, and his eyes… Lilys' eyes… the shock contained within was so obvious, it was a wonder Sirius didn't call Snape out as a liar right then and there.

"What?" Sirius finally spoke, bewilderment clearly laced within the word as he looked from Snape to Harry again.

"Although I would like to spend all my time babysitting your precious godson," Snape replied mockingly, "I actually have work to do for the Order… unlike some people. And I'm sure Mr. Potter is quite capable of filling you in to the rest of his escapades." He finished with a smug look.

Sirius was positively fuming at this point. "Well I suppose you _would_ have more work since you have a lot more _mistakes_ to make up for," Sirius retorted, his voice shaking with hatred.

The two men continued to glare daggers at each other until Harry finally broke the silence. It had taken him a few minutes to get over the shock that Snape had actually lied for him, but now he was prepared to return the favor. "So, can I come in, Sirius? And then Professor Snape can get back to his own work," Harry said calmly, trying to break the tension a little.

Clearly still wrapped up in past hatred, Sirius had almost forgotten Harry was still standing outside. He shook his head a little at his foolishness. "Of course, Harry. Come in, come in." His voice was much softer as he stepped aside, giving Harry room to squeeze through the door frame.

Harry stepped into the house, but paused in the doorway to turn and look at his professor. "Thank you, Sir… for picking me up and bringing me here," Harry said sincerely, hoping the professor would understand his eternal gratitude for everything he left unspoken.

Understanding did indeed pass through Snapes' eyes as he gave a curt nod. Removing from one of his inner pockets, Harry's miniature trunk, Snape directed it past the two figures in the doorway with his wand. It landed on the floor and instantly returned to normal-size. Then he turned on the spot, apparating away from Number 12, Grimmauld Place.

Harry stared at the spot his professor had been, wondering why the man had done all that for him before he felt Sirius' hand on his shoulder, ushering him into the house. He jumped a little as Sirius slammed the door shut.

-SS-

Harry found himself in a dark, musty hallway. Sirius gripped his shoulder and turned Harry so that they were facing each other. Harry was prepared for some type of scolding, but instead felt himself being pulled into a warm embrace. Sirius' strong arms wrapped around him squeezing enough to remind him that although the bruises may be visibly gone, his body still ached, especially his ribs. But none of that mattered because Sirius wasn't mad at him. He felt himself release a breath he didn't know he had been holding in.

"Harry, I'm so glad to see you. We weren't expecting you until August, but you stopped writing. I was going to check on you myself, but Molly and Arthur wouldn't allow it," Sirius admonished lightly. "But why didn't you write? And a Jelly-Legs Jinx? Really Harry?" There was sincerity and concern in Sirius' voice as he rambled.

Harry couldn't help but feel a little pang of guilt for the lies to follow when Sirius sounded like he really cared, but that couldn't be helped. He just wasn't prepared for that conversation yet and who knows if he ever would be. Luckily Harry was saved from answering.

"HARRY!" A female voice shouted from down the hall.

Before Harry could even turn to see who the voice belonged to, although he already knew it was the youngest Weasley child, a bloodcurdling scream disturbed all other thoughts.

"FILTHY MUDBLOODS! HOW DARE YOU BEFOUL THIS HOUSE! OUT! OUT SCUM!"

Harry had seen a set of curtains fly open about halfway down the hall and assumed the woman who was screaming must be in the room beyond those curtains. He couldn't make out the rest of the womans' words as her screeching started to overpower any enunciating.

Sirius rushed past Harry knocking him a little farther down the hall so he could see into the room. To his surprise it wasn't a room at all but a life-sized portrait of a hideous woman screeching her head off. Her skin looked like it was pulled tight over her high cheekbones just like her hair was pulled tight into a bun.

Sirius grabbed hold of the curtains firmly shouting back at the portrait, "SHUTUP WOMAN! SHUTUP!" and yanking with all his might, he managed to slam the curtains closed again.

Although that had silenced the ear-splitting screeches, Harry could still hear a high-pitched ringing.

"Sirius, I'm so sorry," Ginny whispered meekly from the bottom of the stairs.

Harry wasn't sure what just happened, but Sirius seemed pretty irate and he wouldn't have been surprised to see the man glare at the little red-headed girl. Instead he just smiled up at her.

"It's alright. I know, I was excited to see him too," Sirius said with a warm smile, bringing back some youth to his worn face. Turning towards Harry now he could see the confused look on the boy's face as Harry stared between the curtain and back at Sirius. "Come on Kiddo, I'll explain everything. You're probably hungry. Mrs. Weasley should have lunch ready." He grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him toward a door farther down the hall on the left.

Harry wasn't sure if it was Ginny's shout or the ridiculous screeching from the portrait, probably the latter, but it had attracted the attention of the other people residing in the strange house. Standing behind Ginny on the landing were Hermione, Ron, Fred, and George, all clearly excited, but also afraid to utter even a word. He couldn't help but smile at them a little, even though he was still extremely annoyed with his friends for the lack of information he had received thus far. He allowed himself to be ushered through the door by Sirius followed closely by the four Weasley children and Hermione.

Harry found himself to be in a dingy dilapidated kitchen. The white walls and cupboards weren't quite white anymore from years of dust build up, but it was obvious this room just recently started to receive a lot more use and the stove, although old, was very clean. Mrs. Weasley was in the process of levitating a large bubbling pot over to a long oak dining table and the aroma, Harry imagined as a hearty chicken noodle soup, filled the air.

As soon as Mrs. Weasley caught sight of him, Harry found himself in the grips of another rib-cracking hug.

"Harry, my dear! How are you? What on earth are you doing here?" Mrs. Weasley pushed Harry back to arms length to better scrutinize his appearance. If Harry had so much as a scratch on him, Mrs. Weasley would be sure to find it. "You look famished, dear. Those muggles really don't feed you do they?" She squeezed his shoulders tightly.

"I'm fine Mrs. Weasley, really, and I'm not that hungry. I had a late breakfast." He smiled up at the witch who almost seemed like a mother to him. He honestly wasn't that hungry. The nutritive potion Snape had given him had actually filled him up quite contently.

"Oh don't be silly dear. Come sit." Mrs. Weasley steered him to the nearest seat and quickly filled his bowl with some steaming soup. "A growing boy like yourself needs all the nourishment he can get." She squeezed his shoulder one more time before ushering the other children into chairs.

Sirius took a seat at the head of the table next to Harry and gazed at him fondly.

Harry secretly thanked the heavens that Snape had the mercy to heal him before bringing him here. He shuddered at the thought of facing this situation covered in the bruises he had earlier. He quickly fumbled with his spoon and began blowing on his soup. He could feel all eyes on him, although friendly and warmly, they were still waiting for an explanation.

Mrs. Weasley finally broke the awkward silence. "Alright, Alright. Let the poor boy eat. You can all bombard him with questions later," she chided the table at large.

"Well I'm glad you're here Harry," Hermione spoke up cheerfully before grabbing her bowl.

"Yeah mate!" Ron chimed in too.

"And I'm sure you have lots of questions for us too," Hermione smiled up at Harry across the table.

Harry couldn't stop the scowl from flashing across his face at her last words. He had missed his friends dearly and his heart had leapt a little when he had first seen them all standing on the landing, his second family of sorts, but now the hurt was back.

"Well it's not like anyone would answer my questions before, so why would things be different now?" Harry bit back a little harsher than he had intended.

Hermione's face fell, knowing Harry's sharp words were intended directly for Ron and herself.

Ron immediately jumped to the witch's defense. "Blimey Harry! We wanted to answer all your questions, honest, but Dumbledore wouldn't let us… said owl post wasn't secure." His eyes pleaded with Harry to understand but forgiveness wouldn't come that easily.

"You're right, Ron. Dumbledore should have kept me informed, but he didn't! And you're supposed to be my friends!" Harry shouted.

Sirius reached over and gripped Harry's hand resting on the worn table top. "Harry –"

"NO!" He cut Sirius short. "NO! I'M THE ONE THAT WAS IN THE GRAVEYARD! I SAW CEDRIC KILLED! I WATCHED VOLDEMORT RETURN! I WAS TORTURED! DOESN'T ANYONE THINK I DESERVE TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?" He was so furious with everyone for keeping him in the dark and he was furious with this stupid house for not knowing where to storm off to. The best he could do was throw his chair back and leap up from the table.

The room had fallen silent from his little tirade and Harry felt a little bit embarrassed seeing the hurt on his friends' faces.

Finally Sirius spoke frankly. "You're absolutely right Harry. If you would please sit back down, I will answer any and all of your questions."

Mrs. Weasley shot Sirius a piercing glare at his last statement, but it went unnoticed by Harry. He was too shocked hearing Sirius respond like that. "You will?" he asked nervously, his tone much quieter than before.

Sirius nodded and gestured to the chair Harry had vacated moments earlier.

Harry silently slipped back into his chair while millions of questions mulled through his head. "Umm, ok." He inhaled deeply, trying to gather his thoughts. "Well what is Voldemort doing?" he asked seriously, ignoring the few gasps from around the room at his use of the name. "I haven't seen anything in the Prophet."

"So far, he has been lying low," Sirius stated evenly.

Harry raised his eyebrows and gave his godfather an imploring look.

"Really. He is taking advantage of the situation with the Ministry." At Harry's concerned look, Sirius continued. "It seems that _Fudge_ is in denial and refuses to acknowledge Dumbledores' claims that Voldemort is back." There was obvious distaste in Sirius' voice when he spoke the Minister of Magic's name.

"So…" Harry drew in another deep breath, "he hasn't really killed anyone because no one believes he is really back? Is he building up to something? I mean, what is he waiting for? Obviously, he must have something planned." He spoke quietly, almost as though he were working out a puzzle to himself. "So what is he _doing?_" Harry said louder.

Sirius brought both elbows up onto the table and clasped his hands together in front of him before giving Harry a pensive look. All eyes were on Sirius as none of the other children in the room had gotten this much information out of any of the Order members thus far. "He is after a weapon-"

"ENOUGH!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked. "Sirius Black! They are only children and they most certainly do not need this information hanging over their heads," she said in reprimanding tone.

Harry didn't want to offend Mrs. Weasley, he really did love her like a mother, but he would not let her get in the way of this. Before he had a chance to say anything, however, Sirius spoke up for him.

"Unfortunately, Molly, I don't think Harry is a five year old and he deserves some answers." His voice was extremely firm as he returned Mrs. Weasley's hard gaze.

"He is not of age. He is not in the Order. He has enough to worry about!" she practically screamed back at him.

"And it is not your decision to make! He is MY Godson!" Sirius hadn't sounded this mad since the incident in the shrieking shack.

"HMPF!" Mrs. Weasley glared at Sirius even as she recognized defeat. She may love the boy like a son, but she had no answer to counter Sirius' obvisous guardianship. "Fine!" she snapped at him, "but it is my decision in regards to everyone else." She gestured to Hermione and her four children.

"But, Mum," Fred and George countered immediately, "we are of age."

"OUT!" She glared at them all hard, leaving no room for argument.

"This isn't fair. Harry will tell us anyway," Ron grumbled.

"OOUUT!"

Grudgingly, all the Weasley children led by Hermione made their way out of the kitchen door, soup bowls in hand. They were pretty confident though that Harry would fill them in later anyway, as long as he wasn't still mad at them. Mrs. Weasley paused in the doorway to give Sirius one last reproachful look before following the children.

Sirius looked back over to Harry, his expression quickly changing from anger to something more akin to affection. Harry felt bad about hurting Mrs. Weasley's feelings, but he agreed with Sirius, and actually felt a little warm inside at how defensive Sirius had gotten on his behalf.

"As I was saying Harry, Voldemort is after a weapon. All I can say is that it is something very powerful, something he thinks he might finally be able to attain." He raised his hand to silence any protest Harry might speak. "Just know that it is well protected and the Order will do everything in their power to stop Voldemort from getting his hands on it so you need not worry." His words had a definite finality to the conversation.

Harry knew not to press his luck. Instead he asked more questions about the house, the Order of the Phoenix, and of course the strange portrait in the hallway. Once Sirius had satisfied his curiosity the questions were turned on him.

"So tell me, Harry, a Jelly-Legs Jinx? Really?" Sirius asked imploringly.

"Umm, yeah," Harry mumbled out, his face brightening from embarrassment. He hated lying to Sirius, but he just wasn't ready. "I just uh, couldn't take his bullying and just, well, snapped I guess." _Someone just sort of snapped_, Harry thought to himself remembering Petunia frantically running into his room that morning. Catching Sirius' gaze again Harry forged ahead with the lie. "So I guess Dumbledore got a notification of under-aged magic and sent Snape to pick me up," he finished weakly.

Sirius gave Harry a contemplative look before speaking. "I can't really reprimand you for defending yourself, but performing magic outside of school was not wise," he said with a hint of disapproval. "However… I think spending any time with Snape is enough punishment in itself, don't you?" Sirius chuckled.

Harry give a little laugh in hopes of hiding his uneasiness over the entire situation and everything that Snape now knew.

The young Gryffindor and his Godfather sat in companionable silence for a little while longer before they made their way upstairs to find Harry a room and help the others cleaning in the drawing room. Harry got to meet more Order members at dinner and the evening was obviously spent filling in the other Weasley children about what Sirius had said. They sat contemplating the "weapon" and Harry dug himself in a little deeper with his lie, telling his friends the same story he fed his godfather.

-SS-

Snape apparated to the gates of Hogwarts and began the long journey up the grounds. It was better this way though. He had time to prepare his thoughts, much like he would prepare ingredients for a potion. There would need to be an order, a correct order, that would equal success, or at the very least, some sense of smoothness. Merlin, he needed this to go smoothly. As a spy for Albus Dumbledore, he had delivered the old wizard plenty of bad news over the years, but nothing was quite like this. There were very few things Severus could say he himself was not prepared for but this definitely qualified as one of them.

His black cloak billowed behind him as he made his diligent trek to the castle. The sun sent a calming heat through his shoulders and back while the cool breeze made the weather conditions perfect, _if_, that is, you weren't about to deliver some of the worst news in one old man's life. Severus had to shake off any implications that the Headmaster had been aware of what was happening. He chose to settle instead with knowing this would break the wizard's heart.

Arriving at the grand front doors, which opened automatically and without question, Severus hesitated for a mere second, inhaling one last calming breath of fresh air and bringing himself to his best height. The quietness of the castle would usually be a blessing, but instead it seemed only to tighten the knot forming in his stomach.

_Damn it! It's not as if I care. _

"_You do care because you failed,"_ the little nagging voice in the back of his head chimed in.

"Jelly-slugs," Snape grumbled to the stone gargoyle, which his feet had brought him to far too quickly. He stepped onto the rotating stairs and proceeded to knock three times on the Headmaster's door before getting frustrated and pushing it open.

"Albus," Snape called to the seemingly empty office. Sunlight was streaming in through an open window, illuminating the vibrant red plumage of Fawkes on his perch. Everything in the Headmaster's office seemed to twinkle just like the old man's blue eyes.

Snape reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Of course. He is still at the Ministry," he spoke to himself. Letting out a long sigh of frustration he removed his wand. With a flick of his wrist, Snape conjured a piece of parchment and a quill.

**Albus, It is imperative that we speak. – Severus**

He left the parchment on Dumbledore's desk and exited the castle in the same manner he came, the knot in his stomach tightening a little more with each passing minute. He would certainly need a stiff drink when he returned home.

-SS-

Many hours and a few drinks later and still no sign of Dumbledore. He slammed his glass of fire whiskey down on the desk as he resumed to pacing his study. He had tried catching up on some lesson plans and when that had failed to hold his attention, he went to his private lab to brew, but even that hadn't worked as planned and he caved in to the desire to escape to his liquor cabinet.

_Where is that old fool?_

Almost as if Albus Dumbledore knew he was being spoken about, the floo flared green. However, instead of the Headmaster stepping through like Snape would have preferred, only his head appeared in the flickering green flames.

Snape gave the old wizard a calculating glare. "It's about damn time!" he snapped.

Dumbledore returned Snape's sharp tone with an endearing smile. "Severus, I understand you've taken Harry to headquarters," he replied calmly, his voice implying he needed no further clarification on the matter.

"Yes! And you are not the least bit curious as to WHY?" Snape countered scathingly as he dropped himself into the nearest chair in an exhausted manner.

"I'm sure, whatever the reasons, Severus, you were justified," Dumbledore replied.

Snape's mouth gaped open for a second. "Of course I was justified. That is not my concern-"

Dumbledore raised a hand to silence the younger wizard and cut in. "I'm sorry my dear boy, but time is of the essence. Rest assured, we will continue this discussion at a later date. For now, I need only inform you that your presence will be needed at an Order Meeting tonight at nine-o-clock," he said calmly.

Snape shot the Headmaster an exasperated look before nodding. There was no sense in arguing with the old coot. He always won.

With one last fleeting smile, Dumbledore vanished from sight leaving Severus to ruminate with his thoughts and his unfinished glass of whiskey.

-SS-

**The Order meeting is up next and I wonder what's on the agenda…**


	4. Chapter 4 You Ask Too Much

**Disclaimer**: Again, I don't own any of these amazing characters and this is purely for fun.

**A/N: **I have a pretty good idea where all this is going and have a lot more of the story planned out than before. Hopefully I will be able to continue updating once a week. Thanks to all who review, or add the story to their alerts, or their favs. It's great to see and encourages me to continue.

OH.. also on another note, I've read way too many fanfics and the actual J.K. Rowling Books and I've begun to get some details confused in my head. So, with that said, the story is obviously not canon after book four but I will be borrowing things from canon because I think Ms. Rowling was brilliant. Also, I can't really remember when Harry learns about the blood wards protecting him at his relatives, but for my purposes, he knows about them now. Sorry if that doesn't jive with canon.

Ok, now on with the show…

_Where the last chapter left off…_

Snape shot the Headmaster an exasperated look before nodding. There was no sense in arguing with the old coot. He always won.

With one last fleeting smile, Dumbledore vanished from sight leaving Severus to ruminate with his thoughts and his unfinished glass of whiskey.

**Chapter 4 – "You ask too much…"**

Harry, Hermione, and the Weasley children sat on the second floor landing watching as various Order members trickled in to Number 12 Grimmauld Place and disappeared into the kitchen. Harry had put up a fight earlier to be involved when he found out about the meeting, but Sirius firmly said no.

It was five minutes to nine when their potions professor had entered the house. Harry had been hoping and praying he wouldn't show up. _What if Snape told everyone?_ _Famous Harry Potter can't even stand up to his own relatives? _Harry unconsciously held his breath as the professor disappeared into the kitchen.

-SS-

Snape stepped into the room scowling to himself. He hated these meetings almost as much as his Death Eater ones, the way almost everyone, Dumbledore aside, looked at him with distrust. That was probably better for his position as a spy, but he still hated it. Of course Order meetings had one major advantage over being summoned by the Dark Lord, at least there would be no torture… physically anyway.

Snape took his usual seat as far away from the head of the table Black sat at and directly to the right of the head where Dumbledore sat. Finding the Headmaster's chair still vacant only increased his scowl. Professor McGonagall entered taking the seat across from him and gave a curt nod, which he returned. Besides Minerva, Severus noted Arthur and Molly Weasley, one of their elder sons Bill, Nymphadora Tonks, Kingsley Schacklebolt, Mad-Eye Moody, and _Black_, were present. _Perhaps it really was on such short notice, with only a handful of Order members present. The werewolf is missing… and Hagrid. _

The idle chit-chat died down as the clock neared nine and as if right on cue, Albus Dumbledore entered the kitchen in a flourish of brilliant blue robes. He briskly took his seat. "Thank you all for coming on such short notice." He smiled warmly out at the group gathered at the table.

"They are _always_ on such short notice, Albus," Minerva replied curtly and Snape couldn't help but let out a small snort at her sarcasm. Although most people would never guess, Severus and Minerva actually enjoyed each other's company or at least matching wit.

"Indeed, indeed," Dumbledore replied while nodding his head a little.

As the meeting commenced Dumbledore spent the majority of the time explaining his dealings with the Ministry and his falling out with Fudge. Schacklebolt, Tonks, and Arthur added any information they knew before the room fell silent.

Finally Moody brought up the subject everyone was most interested to discuss. "And what of Potter? Certainly, now that he is here, he won't be sitting idle?" Moody gruffed out. "He should be receiving auror training Albus. I've offered it before."

"And certainly, any decisions will be run through me first!" Sirius snapped back at the auror.

Moody's magical eye had been whizzing around but immediately stopped to glare at Sirius along with his other normal eye. "You _DO_ want the boy prepared for another run in with Voldemort don't you?"

"Of Course I want Harry prepared! Maybe I should be the one to train him-" Sirius raised his voice to counter before being cut off by Dumbledore.

"Gentlemen!" It was not a yell but Dumbledore's tone left no room for argument. "Indeed, Harry is in need of training. And," he looked straight at Sirius while speaking his next words, "of course my proposition will be for your sole consideration first. I only request that _everyone_ present, hear me out in my entirety." His eyes roamed the table looking for any hint of noncompliance, resting firmly on Snape's to linger a little longer than necessary.

Snape returned the hard gaze. _What is the old man up to now?_

Most of the table had nodded their silent approval at the Headmaster and so he continued. "Now then, I greatly appreciate both your offers," he said, looking between Sirius and Moody. "I'm sure he would learn a great deal in the care of either of you. You are both accomplished wizards." His words held nothing but sincerity. "However, the training I speak of is quite specific and not many are skilled in the art I seek." Dumbledore paused for a moment, searching again for silent approval to proceed, specifically from Sirius, whom he knew would soon pose a great deal of opposition.

"As we are all looking out for the best interests of Harry and want him to be as prepared as possible, I believe this is necessary and crucial for his wellbeing." He directed his penetrating gaze at Sirius, willing the words to sink in. "There is an undeniable connection between Harry and Voldemort. And it is more important now than ever, for this connection to be closed, or at the very least, controlled by Harry. He needs to learn Occlumency," he finished firmly.

The majority of the table nodded their approval, including Sirius and Moody, however, Snape remained still. There was no doubt in his mind either. Dumbledore was right, the boy needed Occlumency, but theridiculous man better be volunteering himself for the position.

Dumbledore steepled his hands in front of his face while he directed his gaze once again to Snape. His blue eyes twinkled madly. "I'm sure you are all aware, with everything going on, I will not be able to take on this task myself," he said seriously, never letting his eyes stray from Snapes'.

The younger mans' eyes widened in alarm. "Absolutely not!" Snape hissed in barely a whisper through clenched teeth. He wanted to scream at the old man but he wouldn't allow himself to lose his cool. He knew what the Headmaster was implying and it would be over his dead body before he agreed. Hell, it would be over Black's dead body as well, so at least Severus had an unlikely ally.

Dumbledore gave Snape a beseeching look. "Severus, you are advanced beyond your years in the art of Occlumency, perhaps far better than even myself," he said calmly. His voice held no hint of pleading but his eyes were searching through Snape's soul, searching for that part of Severus that still held so much guilt over the loss of Lily, but the younger wizard would not concede without a fight.

The rest of the table had finally caught up on what Dumbledore was actually asking and Sirius jumped in. "ABSOLUTELY NOT! You cannot be serious Albus! I will not allow THAT," pointing directly at Snape, "to be in charge of teaching my godson anything!" he screamed across the table. "He certainly has enough time torturing Harry the rest of the year!"

"Well that should certainly settle the issue Albus," Snape said scathingly. On the outside, nothing in his demeanor had changed, looking as cool, calm, and collected as always. On the inside, he was screaming both at the headmaster's nerve and back at Sirius, _I don't want to be in charge of teaching your arrogant little godson anything either!_

Dumbledore gave Snape one last reproachful look before turning his attention back to Sirius. He raised a hand in acknowledgement of Sirius' misgivings before speaking. "Sirius, certainly, you are looking out for Harry's best interests. Consider for a moment the connection between Harry and Voldemort and the implications that could have on the young man should it be allowed to get out of hand." His gaze was hard but thoughtful as his eyes pierced Sirius'. Detecting a hint of recognition in the animagus, he continued to drive the point home. "Perhaps though, instead of Harry's best interests, your judgment is being clouded by past rivalries," Dumbledore said while raising his eyebrows at the younger man.

Sirius was still glaring at Dumbledore and Snape but his gaze softened a tiny fraction at the former. He didn't ever have to like Snape, but perhaps the old man was right. He was beginning to realize he needed to put aside everything for Harry's well-being. And certainly, they couldn't allow some sort of mind connection to advance between Harry and Voldemort. That wouldn't be conducive to Harry's health or the war against Voldemort.

"I expect to be included in his progress every step of the way," Sirius said finally, as if it pained him to speak those words.

"This is RIDICULOUS!" Snape was furious as he sat with his hands clenched together in front of him on the table. _That stupid mutt caved! _Snape had been counting on Sirius to vehemently refuse the arrangement. Internally shaking, he tried to control his outside calm before speaking again. "It is indeed_ wonderful,_ Albus, that you have gotten Black's blessing. However, I have agreed to nothing." He glared hard at the Headmaster.

"And you know first-hand how dangerous this connection could be, Severus," Dumbledore replied empathetically, "as you have supplied me with information directly from Voldemort."

"Then teach him youself!" Snape finally snapped, throwing his chair out behind him in a similar fashion that Harry had done earlier in the same room. He glared down at Dumbledore.

"Severus, give this some consideration," Dumbledore requested gently, while his blue eyes pleaded more than his tone.

"NO! There is no need for consideration," Snape yelled, completely losing his calm. "You ask too much," he finished with his voice shaking before he stormed from the kitchen. The rest of the occupants sat in silence as the slamming front door resounded throughout the house and awakened the portrait of Mrs. Black.

Mrs. Weasley jumped up to attend to the screaming portrait while Dumbledore immediately started wrapping up the meeting.

"Severus will pick up Harry tomorrow afternoon, Sirius. I've had the floo connected from your kitchen to Severus' study." Dumbledore spoke as if Snape had agreed instantly and left the house on amicable terms.

"And how can you be sure HE will agree?" Sirius asked while nodding his head in the direction of the fallen chair.

"Severus will do what is right," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye.

"And what about Harry? Are you certain he will agree?" Sirius asked seriously. "I can't help but feel guilty making such an important decision without his opinion."

"Harry will also do what is right. He has a large capacity for forgiveness and we could all learn a great deal from the young man. He will put aside any differences he may have with Professor Snape because he knows what is at stake. I have no doubt about this," Dumbledore replied in an equally serious tone. "Thank you all for coming, but I must be off." Nodding to the room at large the Headmaster stepped over to the large fireplace before tossing down some floo powder and disappearing.

-SS-

Snape apparated to the border of his property wards and stalked up to his home. The moon was full, _that would explain the wolf's absence at the meeting,_ and illuminated the grounds with an eerie glow. _How could the Headmaster possibly expect this from him? Stuck teaching the brat Occlumency. Having him live HERE, in HIS home, the arrogant little, ugh, probably far from arrogant, but more likely an extremely emotionally damaged, brat. This should not be his responsibility. Black should be in this situation, handling an emotionally broken Potter. Actually, Potter hadn't seemed that broken, which means he's not dealing with the abuse at all, which means everything will be all the more difficult. _

_ARGH! Why the hell am I even contemplating the intricate workings of Harry Potter's mind? I DON'T CARE ABOUT POTTER!_ Snape screamed inside his own head. His steps had taken him straight to his study and the liquor cabinet within. Pouring himself a glass of firewhiskey, he downed it in one gulp. As he savored the burning sensation in his throat, he poured himself another.

Suddenly Snape heard the floo flare up and whirled around in time to see Albus Dumbledore step gracefully into his study.

"You had MY FLOO connected to that god-forsaken place? You meddling old man!" Snape shouted at the elder wizard with his twinkling blue eyes and strange smirk. Glaring daggers at the headmaster, he downed the second glass in one go and slammed it down on his desk. He was beginning to think the whole situation was planned from the moment Dumbledore was notified of Harry's under-aged magic. Of course the alcohol was definitely aiding the conspiracy theories and he just couldn't seem to hold his tongue.

"Did you want me to find him?" Snape asked scathingly. "Did you have the whole thing planned from the moment you found out what charm the boy performed?" He raised an eyebrow cynically. "I should have recognized the warning signs... _You know Severus, you and Harry aren't as different as you think… _blah, blah. I certainly am naïve. You WANTED me to be the one to find out! As if I haven't subjected myself to enough moral blackmail. This situation must have presented you with the perfect opportunity to get me to agree to teach the brat Occlumency."

Dumbledore pulled up the straight-backed chair by Snape's desk and transformed it in a squishy, purple armchair before easing into it. Interlocking his hands on his lap he gazed thoughtfully up at Snape over his half-moon spectacles as if extremely intrigued with the little rant, never once interrupting.

When Snape finally seemed finished the elder wizard spoke. "Certainly Severus, I was aware of the type of charm Harry performed. And I entertained numerous possibilities when considering why Harry would perform a glamour charm. HOWEVER, I assure you, they were all merely possibilities." He gave Snape a hard glare, daring him to question his integrity again. "I sent you, Severus, assuming you would oversee the situation with the most clarity and objectiveness, and would of course notify me of any type of emergency. Obviously, you would not have warranted removing Harry without good reason, and certainly any emergency was extinguished upon his removal. Now that we both have a moment to actually discuss your findings, I am all ears."

Snape turned away from the Headmaster and let his head fall back so that he was gazing at the ceiling. He unconsciously brought his hands up to rub his closed eyes before pulling at his own hair with tight fists. He drew in a long harsh breath, breaking the silence the two men had been sitting in. Dumbledore never pushed him to continue, knowing that it would be more effective to allow Severus to resume the story at his own pace.

Finally Snape broke his stance and began preparing himself another drink. He recapped the whisky bottle and took a small sip from his glass before walking across the room to a locked cabinet. He returned to place a small, ornate, silver dish, his pensieve, upon the desk. Sitting across from Dumbledore, he took another long sip from his glass and swallowed hard. Snape sat in thought for a moment before he placed his wand to his temple and withdrew a long strand of shimmering blue liquid, which he directed to the pensieve. He immediately followed it with another.

The blue shimmering strands had transformed into a beautiful, metallic pool. Both men sat in silence, admiring the sight before Snape took another long sip and inclined his head, silently directing Dumbledore to enter when he wished.

There was no sign of hesitation on the Headmaster's part. It appeared he was merely waiting for Snape's permission before he dove into the memory.

Dumbledore found himself in Harry's room at Privet Drive. The potions master was staring dumbstruck at a bruised and battered Harry Potter. Dumbledore couldn't stop his jaw from dropping as well. He had entertained every possibility, even this one, but it was a much starker reality than he had been prepared for. He hadn't really wanted to believe he had failed the boy so miserably. The image changed abruptly and Harry was sitting in the same chair Dumbledore himself was seated in now. Severus was running a diagnostics spell and by the changing sparks from the man's wand, Dumbledore could tell the boy had a few broken ribs, numerous cuts and contusions, and a slight concussion. Seeing that Severus had stepped around to the boy's back and hesitated, Dumbledore also edged around the room to find out what had caused the stoic man to falter. Harry's back was covered in scars, layered from years of abuse. It certainly was the worst case scenario.

The scene dissolved around him and Dumbledore found himself sitting back across from a very bitter Severus Snape. The younger man sat sneering into his refilled glass of firewhiskey.

"I must admit it is ironic. He appears to be a carbon copy of his father, but their lives couldn't be more opposite," Snape mused as he swirled the amber liquid in his glass. He couldn't meet the gaze of the man he considered as a mentor. Instead, he watched the elder wizards' movements out of the corner of his eye.

Dumbledore's expression was much more somber than when he entered the study. With a flick of his wand he conjured a glass of his own and pulled the bottle of firewhisky over. The two men sat in silence, sipping their drinks before Dumbledore finally spoke.

"What do you make of his mental state Severus?" Dumbledore asked soberly.

Snape rubbed his face with his free hand and let out a sigh. "I believe he is repressing it… or for what he is not repressing, he is blaming himself." He brought his eyes up to meet the piercing blue gaze of the headmaster.

Dumbledore nodded his head in recognition. "Indeed, it is quite obvious he has told no one. Miss Granger or Mr. Weasley would have notified someone immediately."

"Indeed." Snape paused for a long moment, contemplating his next words. "Vernon Dursley was not available for retribution this morning. Perhaps that was for the best, I may have lost my temper." He raised that cynical eyebrow again. "Nevertheless, I _will_ seek retribution," Snape finished with a dangerous tone. He had the strange urge, no, _need_, to seek revenge on the boy's behalf. He told himself it was simply the principle of the matter. With his own past, Severus would not tolerate child abuse.

"Perhaps I will join you," Dumbledore replied evenly, causing Snape to flash a small smirk. "We will need to formulate a plan to get Harry to discuss the abuse…"

Before Dumbledore could finish that thought a brilliant silver lynx soared into the room and Kingsley Shackelbolt's voice echoed out of the patronus. "Albus, they are voting to disbar you from the Wizengamot! A secret meeting! Get to the Ministry immediately!"

Snape and Dumbledore stared at the spot where the patronus had disappeared, both slightly in shock.

"Harry is a higher priority," Dumbledore started to say before Snape cut him off.

"I know where your priorities lay, Albus. It is not necessary to prove yourself to me. I know how devoted you are to the boy. The situation cannot be rectified tonight," Snape said considerately. "I'm sure you have already arranged for me to pick the boy up tomorrow. Hmm?" Snape raised his eyebrow questioningly.

"I have." Dumbledore nodded before rising and transforming the chair back to its original form. "We will continue this conversation soon. All your efforts are greatly appreciated Severus. Don't think I underestimate all that you do."

Snape nodded in acknowledgement and watched Dumbledore stroll nonchalantly from his study.

He should stop now or he would most definitely have a headache in the morning, but broodingly he poured himself another glass before collapsing on the couch in front of the fire. Although it wasn't exactly necessary at this time of year, Severus always found the crackle of a fire relaxing. Not tonight though. What in Merlin's name did he get himself into? Not only did he have to teach Occlumency to the spitting image of James Potter, but most likely HE would have to be the one to confront the recently discovered issues with the boy, the boy-who-lived-to-drive-him-crazy that is.

_Hmm… There really is no need for me to spend extra time with the brat. The afternoon will be soon enough and that will allow plenty of time in the morning to pay the Dursley's a little visit… Yes that will do just fine…_ Snape mused to himself.

-SS-

Back at number 12 Grimmauld Place, things were going as equally well. Sirius had explained the entire situation to Harry and just as Dumbledore had predicted, Harry had grudgingly agreed it was for the best. Of course after Sirius had explained what Occlumency was the agreement came much quicker. The idea of some kind of mind connection with Voldemort scared Harry half to death.

Sirius made it very clear that although he agreed to this plan, Harry could come visit most weekends or whenever Snape allowed. Also, he gave Harry strict instructions to notify him immediately if Snape was being even the slightest git. "I'm serious Harry. If he so much as lays a finger on you, I want to know about it. Snape may be able to bully you at school, but I won't allow it now. Is that clear?"

Harry liked how protective Sirius sounded. It felt good to have an adult like that in his life for once.

Although he knew he should get some rest for his first day of training with Snape, Harry couldn't help but stay up late to tell Hermione and Ron about the plans. Hermione offered her wisdom that it was "a splendid idea and just what you need Harry". Ron came through on the other end, offering his deepest condolences. "Ugh, Harry, the rest of the summer with that greasy git. That's awful mate".

Finally, after much of Hermione's scolding, they all retired to bed.

-SS-

Harry rose early to spend as much time with Sirius as possible. Snape had notified them that he would pick Harry up after lunch. The morning flew by far too fast and before Harry knew it, he was eating Mrs. Weasley's delicious chocolate pudding. They had barely finished when the floo flared green.

The Potion's Master stepped from the kitchen grate gracefully. He gave a hard glare in Sirius' direction before glancing at the other occupants in the room and noted Harry's packed trunk. _At least the boy is prepared._

"Ready, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked coldly.

"Yes, Sir," Harry replied in a less than amicable tone. _Oh this is going to be a very long summer indeed._

Sirius rose at the same time as Harry and grabbed him by the shoulders, squeezing firmly. "Remember what I told you kiddo." He smiled down at his godson.

Harry nodded and returned the smile.

Snape levitated Harry's trunk into the fireplace and waited for the boy to come stand next to him before tossing down the floo powder and shouting out Snape Study. They disappeared in a flash of green flames.

-SS-

Next up: Occlumency and other very un-fun activities that Snape has planned for Harry.

**A/N: **On the note of other fanfics, I just want to give recognition to all the great ones out there. My favorites list is huge and served as away to keep track of what I've read, but they are only a few of the ones that have inspired me to write my own.


	5. Chapter 5 Screams and Broom Cupboards

**A/N: I still don't own this so don't sue me. Ms. Rowling is awesome. **

**I hope this chapter isn't too boring for everyone out there but I think it's necessary for Snape and Harry to stay somewhat in character and if any change is ever going to occur, certain events will have to lead up to it. **

**Also on a side night, I wanted to mention another fanfic I'm reading that I think is excellent. "A Shocking Discovery" by wrapped in Harry is absolutely fabulous, and I recommend that everyone go check it out if you haven't read it yet. I'm not usually into the "Snape is actually Harry's father" fics, but she has done an excellent job with this one. **

_From Before…_

_Snape levitated Harry's trunk into the fireplace and waited for the boy to come stand next to him before tossing down the floo powder and shouting out Snape Study. They disappeared in a flash of green flames. _

**Ch. 5 – Screams and Broom Cupboards**

Harry felt his feet crash into the ground as a strong hand gripped his arm, stopping him from falling face first. He stumbled a little as the grip released him, but at least he didn't actually fall. _Ugh, I will never get used to traveling this way. How are you supposed to get your footing if you don't know when you'll land? _Harry thought to himself.

"Leave your belongings there Potter," Snape said dryly. Stepping into the center of the room he called out, "Marla."

With a loud crack a small house elf appeared. Her large pointy ears stuck out of a tuft of graying, frizzy hair and she wore a clean, black and white tea cozy, much nicer than the outfit Harry had first seen Dobby in.

"Yes Master Severus?" She squeaked, looking up at Snape with wide amber eyes. Harry thought she almost had a look of adoration as she stared at the sour professor.

"Marla," Snape gestured to Harry with one hand, "his is Mr. Potter. He will be staying with us the remainder of the summer. Will you please take his belongings up to his room?" Snape asked in an unusually nice voice.

Harry made a mental note of how well Snape seemed to treat his house elf. _Hermione should try to recruit him to S.P.E.W._, Harry laughed to himself.

The little house elf nodded, "Of course Master Severus," and turned to Harry. "If Master Potter is in need of anything, you's just call Marla at any time," she said smiling and bowing her head.

With another loud crack, Harry's trunk disappeared along with the little elf.

_Well at least she's nice_, Harry mused to himself.

"I will briefly show you the house. The study," Snape said as he gestured around the room like Harry had never seen it before. He began walking toward the door, beckoning for Harry to follow without turning to actually look at him.

Harry had to jog a little to keep up with Snape's brisk pace and the tour would have been fun except for the fact that Snape hardly let him enter any of the rooms, but simply pointed to closed doors.

They went into the foyer, which was exactly as Harry had seen it yesterday, and Snape waved a hand in the direction of the other set of double doors on the right side of the stairs saying, "That is the dining room, though we will rarely eat there." He didn't bother to actually show the room to Harry, but also didn't say he couldn't go look at it himself later, much like many other rooms they would pass. Entering the one hall, Snape showed Harry a very comfy looking kitchen with a small round table. "You will have your meals here. Breakfast is at seven thirty, lunch at twelve thirty, and dinner at six. Do not be late," he said briefly.

Harry nodded before following the professor back into the hall. Snape gestured down the rest of the corridor explaining there was another large sitting room and bathroom before he spun on his heel, heading towards the opposite wing. Down this one were storage rooms, the house elf quarters, and the _infamous_ potions lab.

"You will not enter my lab without my express permission and knowledge. Is that understood Mr. Potter?" Snape asked.

"Yes Sir." Harry replied.

They made their way to the second floor where Snape did stop to allow Harry to see the library. It was a magnificent room with glass doors leading to a veranda looking over the grounds. All the other walls were lined with books. Comfy chairs and little end tables were situated randomly throughout the room. A small staircase led to a second landing that wrapped around the entire library, allowing for a second floor of bookshelves. Harry wouldn't have been surprised if Snape had more books than the Hogwarts library and made another mental note of something to share with Hermione. She would be extremely jealous.

As the two men left the library, Snape gestured down the one hall saying it was mostly guest rooms and then turned down the other one. At the first door after the library Snape announced. "These are my rooms, Mr. Potter. You will NEVER have permission to enter them."

Harry nodded while thinking to himself, _I would NEVER want to go in your room anyway. And what the hell do you mean by rooms, plural. Looks like one door to me. _He rolled his eyes as the professor stalked off further down the hall.

Snape stopped at the next door and stepped aside so Harry could enter. "These will be your rooms. Marla has already brought up your belongings and you will find a bathroom through that door." Snape pointed to a door within the suite of rooms.

Harry stepped into a small sitting room, although this space itself was larger than Harry's bedroom at Privet Drive. Straight through the sitting room, Harry could see a large four poster bed and wardrobe in the next room, and the door to the bathroom that Snape had pointed at. The rooms were absolutely fabulous. Harry stared around in awe. The walls were all a warm sepia color and the comfy looking couch was an olive green with gold and red accents. Harry could see some of the comforter, which matched the sofa. Harry's trunk and other belongings sat in the middle of the room. Harry was at a loss for words. He had never stayed anywhere so luxurious.

"When you are finished unpacking, meet me back in the study. As for the rest of the house, you may tour it at your leisure when you have free time. If a room is unlocked, you may enter, aside from any rooms I have already expressed are off limits," Snape said dryly.

Harry stood there in awe, unable to speak.

"Mr. Potter?" His tone implied he required a response.

Harry finally turned to look at the professor standing in the doorway… HIS doorway. "Yes, Sir… Umm, thank you Sir. The room is wonderful," Harry said sincerely.

Snape nodded before abruptly disappearing down the hall.

For a few more minutes, Harry just stood there, letting his eyes roam over every inch of the space. Snape was somewhat civil and this room, or rooms rather, were absolutely amazing. He inhaled a deep breath before letting it out slowly. _Maybe the summer won't be too bad here. At least I can explore the house or use the library. And the grounds looked amazing from what I've seen so far. My attempts to be respectful seem to be going alright. Maybe I can convince Snape to let me fly a few times,_ Harry thought to himself before dragging his trunk into the bedroom to sit at the foot of the huge bed. He made quick work of hanging up his clothing and placing any other needed objects throughout the rooms. He placed Hedwig's cage by the open window so his snowy owl would have a place to perch when she arrived. Harry had seen her once he had arrived at Sirius', but then she had gone out hunting again. She was smart enough to find her way here as well.

Looking around the room satisfied, Harry allowed himself to drop backwards onto the luxurious bed. He closed his eyes, trying to contain all his emotions. Snape had been decent. He even lied for Harry to Sirius. But that didn't mean anything had changed between them, and besides, Snape had been a nasty git for too many years. Harry knew their mutual hatred wouldn't change over night. No. Learning Occlumency was going to be a long and hard road with Snape. Hopefully he would have enough free time to escape the professor, and even more, hopefully Snape wouldn't tell anyone about Harry's uncle. That was something he just couldn't handle quite yet.

-SS-

Harry tried to put it off as long as possible, but finally made his way down to the study. Snape was sitting behind his desk.

"Ahh, Mr. Potter, how wonderful you finally decided to grace me with your presence," Snape sneered before Harry had even walked completely into the room.

"Uhh, sorry Sir. I umm, lost track of time," Harry stuttered.

"Articulate as always. Sit." Snape inclined his head towards the same chair Harry had occupied yesterday.

Harry immediately slunk into the seat and waited. Snape was looking through some papers and had yet to look up at Harry. _Well, nothing could be more awkward than yesterday_, Harry thought to himself.

Snape finally shuffled his lesson plans off to the side and brought his dark eyes up to examine the boy in front of him. _He looks just like his damn father with that stupid, messy, mop of hair. Arrogant, rule-breaking… Except those blasted green eyes. But he's far too skinny. Damn muggles! _

"While you are here Mr. Potter, you will not sit around twiddling your thumbs. We will begin with Occlumency lessons every other evening, starting tonight. The Headmaster has also suggested you learn some advanced defensive spells, which we will work on during the afternoons. You will start your summer school work, which I will check over every morning in order for you to make corrections. You have free reign of the library so I will accept nothing less than perfection when it comes to any of your class assignments. The grades you have received throughout the past school years are unacceptable, particularly in potions," Snape sneered. "We will be working in extra potions sessions as well. With your free time you may use the house or grounds but you must stay within the property wards, which are marked by the stone wall. Do not test it, nor any of my rules. You will not like the consequences," Snape said smoothly. "Is that clear Mr. Potter?" Snape asked while glaring at Harry with one raised eyebrow.

"Yes Sir." Harry glared back. _Stupid Snape and his stupid rules. He probably plans on giving me detentions like we're at school?_

"Very well. There is one more thing to discuss before we adjourn," Snape said, ignoring the small hitch he detected in Harry's breath. "The headmaster has taken the time to put up special wards in order to allow you to perform magic throughout the remainder of the summer." Those damn green eyes widened in surprise, obviously not the topic Harry was expecting. "This privilege will not be abused!" Snape said sarcastically. "Although it seems you are quite capable of finding trouble at every turn, _much like your father,_ YOU. WILL. NOT. FIND. ANY. HERE. Is that understood?" Another death glare accompanied Snape's last statement.

"Yes, Sir. You've made that quite clear," Harry retorted.

"Manners, Potter," Snape drawled. "That will be all. Dinner at six and your first lesson will immediately follow." He waved a hand in dismissal and went back to his papers.

Harry didn't move. Snape thought he could just sit there and blab on and on about his rules and not even allow Harry to ask any questions. No. He would not be dismissed that easily. "Sir. There are a few things I would like to know," Harry said in as strong a tone as he could muster.

"And what Mr. Potter, could that possibly be?" Snape spat.

"Well, is Dumbledore planning on talking to me at all, or telling me what's going on?" Harry asked. He was sick of being ignored by the headmaster and now pawned off on Snape. "Sirius told me about some weapon Voldemort is after and-"

"Enough! That information is none of your concern, but of course your arrogant godfather would be stupid enough to tell you anyways. As for PROFESSOR Dumbledore, I'm sure he has nothing better to do than speak with the _Magnificent-Boy-Who-Lived_," Snape replied sardonically. He glared at Harry, daring him to say another word.

"Well I'm sorry, _SIR_, if I think that I have a right to know what Voldemort is doing since I'm the one with the damn connection you are both so desperate to block!" Harry bit back.

"_You're the one with the_ _'damn connection'_? Hmm?" Snape's eyebrow inched up as he spoke in his low, dangerous tone. "_Poor,_ _precious, Harry Potter_ is the only one with a CONNECTION with the Dark Lord?" Snapes' black eyes bored into Harry's. "Perhaps we should just let you go take care of him now. You would have no trouble defeating him," he said mockingly.

"That's not what I meant," Harry tried to reply.

"It is apparent you already need a lesson in MANNERS, Potter. Obviously your godfather hasn't taught you any of those!" Snape sneered. _If the boy thinks he can act like the center of the universe, just like his father, he has another thing coming._ "You were warned once already. Occlumency will be followed by an extra lesson in respect, and then you will work on your Charms homework. I want a preliminary draft in the morning at breakfast." His icy tone left no room for argument. When Harry made no movement to leave the room Snape continued. "I suggest you use the time before dinner to get started."

Harry glared back at the professor. _Argh, he just twists all my words around! He knows I meant a stupid mind connection. As if anyone could forget he's a Death Eater, greasy git!_ Without a reply, Harry stormed from the room, leaving Snape with a satisfied smirk on his face.

-SS-

Harry sat in his new room fuming. _I think he just tries to make me say things so he can yell at me!_ Grudgingly, he began taking out his school books. Since he didn't have his textbooks for the next year yet, he made his way to the library, hoping he could find some helpful material. It would be best not to test Snape too much this early on.

The rest of the afternoon flew by and Harry soon found himself sitting across from Snape at the far-too-intimate kitchen table. Harry tried to enjoy the amazing food Marla prepared, but the entire affair was a bit disconcerting. He felt like Snape was scrutinizing him the entire evening.

_Probably because Snape was_.

"Mr. Potter, your food would be much more beneficial if you actually consumed it rather than pushing it around your plate," Snape said sarcastically.

After being starved the first few weeks of the summer, it was hard to eat as much as Harry would like. He had tried to only give himself a small serving, but Snape had glared at him then, practically ordering him with his eyes to take more. Now Harry was stuck trying to force down more food than he could handle. It didn't help that his stomach was in knots worrying what Occlumency would be like as well.

"Sorry Sir. Mrs. Weasley fixed a big lunch." Maybe Snape would buy that one.

Snape obviously didn't, but he wasn't going to push the issue yet. _They obviously starved the boy. _He let his eyes drop back to his own food without another word to Harry.

After what seemed like an eternity, Snape was finally finished eating and Harry could stop pretending to eat.

Snape stood up as he spoke. "As you are obviously finished, we will be working in the study." Harry nodded and followed the professor.

Using the free space next to Snape's desk, they stood facing each other. "You do have your wand don't you, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked.

Harry made quick work of pulling it from his pocket. "Yes Sir."

"Good. Now, you will be working on occluding your mind while I use legilemency to enter it. Use whatever means necessary to block me out. Occlumency takes willpower, determination, and most importantly, concentration, something you are usually lacking," Snape sneered.

Harry scowled up at the professor.

"Ready?" Snape asked.

Harry nodded.

"Legilemens!" Snape yelled before Harry even realized it.

_He was sitting in Potion's class his first year, getting drilled on questions he didn't know. _Harry could see the memories flying by but didn't have the slightest idea how to stop them. _He was flying for the first time, chasing Malfoy, trying to get Neville's remembral. _It was like a movie was playing inside his head, but he didn't have the remote. _He was running from the Basilisk during his second year, the snake was chasing him blindly as Tom Riddle taunted him. _

Harry slammed to the ground abruptly on his hands and knees. The memories stopped playing, but he could still feel the adrenalin as he desperately tried to catch his breath.

"You weren't even trying Mr. Potter," Snape drawled. "Up. We do not have all night for you to lounge around on the floor."

Harry glared up at the professor through his fringe of black hair. Pushing himself back up to his feet, he gripped his wand tightly before making eye contact with Snape again. "And just how exactly am I suppose to get you out of my mind, Sir?" Harry spat back.

"Trial and error Potter. It is YOUR mind, I wouldn't have the slightest idea how it works," Snape replied.

Harry was sure he was purposely being unhelpful, but before he had much time to dwell on it, Snape had incanted the spell again.

This game of memories whirling by before Harry found himself on the floor again was growing quite tiring. They had been working for almost forty-five minutes, but Snape was relentless.

_He was standing before Quirrell and he could feel the Sorcerer's Stone in his pocket. He was watching Ron get dragged under the Whomping Willow. _He was trying to block Snape, but he didn't know how. Maybe he should try to clear his mind. _He was trying to protect Sirius as the Dementors closed in on them. He could hear his mum screaming. _

And Harry found himself on his hands and knees again. Sweat was pouring off his face. It felt like he just ran a marathon and yet his stomach felt like ice, as if the Dementors had really been there.

"What was that Mr. Potter?" Snape's voice seemed unusually void of malice.

Harry began dusting himself off again and slowly stood, a little more shakily than before. "The Dementors Sir?" he asked without making eye contact.

"No, the screaming?" Snape said. _Obviously I saw the Dementors, idiot child. _

Harry closed his eyes and pulled in a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. "That was my mum, before Voldemort killed her. That's what I hear when a Dementor gets near me." Harry replied evenly, as if it were a normal occurrence.

Snape didn't reply. He probably couldn't have replied if he had wanted to. _That was Lily? He just heard Lily screaming for her life? NO, for the life of her child? The boy heard Lily screaming every time he was near a Dementor?_ The thought actually turned Snape's stomach. He wouldn't be able to bare hearing Lily scream like that on as many occasions that the boy had come in contact with a Dementor. He considered ending the session then. The boy was already spent and he wasn't in the mood to dig through any more of Harry's memories after finding out that last bit of information. Apparently he was quiet for too long because Harry broke the silence.

"Sir?" Harry questioned. "I'm ready."

Snape nodded and dove in again. They would complete an hour.

_He was watching Dudley open presents at Christmas, but he didn't have any. Then he was working in the yard for hours as Aunt Petunia watched him like a hawk. _It was impossible to clear his mind. _Uncle Vernon was throwing Harry into his cupboard and slammed the door. _

Snape pulled out of Harry's mind abruptly, leaving Harry actually still standing for a change. His head was spinning though and he brought his free hand up to rub his temple.

"What was that?" Snape spat. This time his tone seemed extremely irate.

"Uhh, I don't remember, Sir," Harry replied tentatively. Snape's voice didn't sound inviting and Harry would rather just avoid any conversation involving his time at the Dursley's.

"Do not lie to me! You know exactly what it was, now elaborate!" Snape practically yelled.

When it didn't look as though Harry was going to explain, Snape raised his voice, "MR. POTTER!" causing Harry to jump a little.

Harry had been busy trying to avoid Snape's gaze by unnecessarily smoothing his jeans. "It was the cupboard under the stairs, Sir. At my relative's house. My room," Harry replied in his best attempt to sound casual.

"Your room?" Snape's eyebrow inched up in a mixture of disbelief and perhaps outrage. _Merlin! A cupboard? The boy lived in a cupboard? Was Albus aware of this? Does he still live in a cupboard? No, I saw his room. _"For how long?" he asked cynically.

"Until my first year at Hogwarts, Sir," Harry replied, staring at an interesting spot in the rug a few feet away from Snape.

_Good Lord I need a drink. The boy lived in a cupboard for ten years! _Snape attempted to school his voice a little. "You do understand Potter, that was not appropriate?" Although he was angry, he did not want it to come across as directed toward the boy.

Harry's eyes snapped up, immediately becoming defensive. "What wasn't appropriate? You didn't even see what I had done?"

Apparently his attempt failed. "I was referring to the actions of your relatives, Mr. Potter," Snape said.

"Oh," Harry said with a bewildered look. "Well yeah… I know," he finished softly as his eyes darted back down to stare at the rug.

"Make sure you do, Mr. Potter," Snape said as he turned to make his way to his desk, not really believing Harry. "Go to bed. You can serve your punishment tomorrow," he said with a wave of his hand. Harry's slight flinch at Snape's sudden movement did not go unnoticed by the professor, but he didn't comment. They would have to address that issue at a later time. Right now Snape needed a stiff drink and a moment to think.

Harry didn't need to be told twice. His head felt like a marching band was practicing inside and all he wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up. "Goodnight Sir," he called as he quickly made his way to the door. He never heard whether the professor responded.

-SS-

As soon as he made it to his room, Harry collapsed onto the bed fully clothed aside from kicking off his trainers. The pillow was pushing his glasses into the bridge of his nose. He fumbled to pull them off and set them on the nightstand when a blurry package caught his eye. The only thing he could recall placing there when he unpacked was the photograph he could see behind the mysterious package. Hastily, he crammed his glasses back onto his head and reached out for the small, thin package. With crystal clear vision he realized he was holding a small chocolate bar. Harry ripped it open and quickly took a bite, knowing it would help relieve the chill residing in his chest from the memory of the Dementors. As the warmth spread throughout his body he let his eyes drift shut. He definitely did not put the chocolate there but before he had any time to consider who had, sleep had claimed him.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Next up… Snape and Harry attempt to have some serious discussions but I'm not sure how well it will go over since Snape is still a big git.


	6. Chapter 6 Not Quite As Planned

**A/N: Still don't own the characters or the amazing world they live in, just messing around with the plot line. Don't sue me, I have no money. **

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews. I know someone figured out the whole chocolate thing so hopefully more of you did as well. I've reworked this chapter a million times and I'm still not completely happy with the beginning half, but I've given up and just decided to post it, so don't be too harsh. **

_From Last Chapter…_

As the warmth spread throughout his body he let his eyes drift shut. He definitely did not put the chocolate there but before he had any time to consider who had, sleep had claimed him.

**Chapter 6 – Not Quite As Planned**

In Harry's opinion the first week and a half had whizzed by with the millions of different activities Snape had him working on. This particular afternoon they were brewing. Snape had set Harry to work on a calming draught, while the professor worked on a more difficult dreamless sleep potion. Harry had surprisingly learned, although he really shouldn't have been that shocked, that Snape brewed all the potions for the infirmary at Hogwarts, and the summer was the professors chance to get a bulk of that work done. Harry had brewed this specific potion already once this week and it had come out remarkably well. He was extremely confident this second time around as he began crushing up the black-haw flowers and let his mind wander to the past few days with the professor.

Snape was brutal when it came to marking Harry's summer work so most of his free time was consumed with corrections. That or punishments for some cheeky comment Harry made. Occlumency was torture and Harry felt like he never made progress. Snape had finally given him a book to read on the subject, but Harry hadn't had the chance to start it yet. He at least enjoyed learning and practicing new defense spells, even if Snape was ridiculing him the entire time. But potions, that was becoming Harry's favorite activity. Not because he was planning on becoming a potions master or anything, but rather, because it was so much fun to get on the professors' nerves. Of course Snape was still being a bloody git, insulting Harry any chance he got, but he knew his potions were coming out good. Harry found brewing to be a lot less stressful when he was the only student and Snape didn't have an audience to hear his insults. It was so much easier to concentrate on all the ingredients and steps when he wasn't worriedly checking his potion's color or consistency against Hermione's. Obviously Snape was still looming over him but it was easier to block out one person in comparison to twenty-five.

Harry had actually decided to take Snape's attitude as a challenge. If the man was going to insult him every minute, Harry would find some cheeky comment to retort with. And besides, if Snape had nothing to fault he wouldn't be able to make any snide remarks. Okay, well that would be way too much to wish for but still, he would prove the professor wrong if it was the last thing he did. That and kill Voldemort.

Harry quickly turned his attention back to the bubbling liquid in front of him. It needed to change from a deep blue to a slightly violet color before he could add the black-haw. Then this last ingredient would contribute the perfect amount of calming properties while transforming the potion to a light lavender.

As he sprinkled the dust across the top of the cauldron Harry grinned, seeing the color change perfectly as he stirred five times counter-clockwise.

Watching the smug look filter across Harry's face was just too akin to James Potters and immediately prompted an insult to appear on the tip of Severus' tongue.

"Extremely rewarding Mr. Potter? You have finally mastered a first-year potion?" He sneered at Harry, knowing full well that the potion was age-appropriate.

Harry heard the comment but didn't let it break his concentration as he altered his stirring to five clockwise. Finally allowing his eyes to drift up they locked with the professor. "We all have to start somewhere, Sir." He smiled at Snape with a pleased look, which only increased the man's scowl.

_Well the summer won't be a complete waste of time if the boy at least learns to brew potions properly. I can use him to help fill Poppy's stock and next year I will only have to worry about Longbottom blowing up the classroom instead of the both of them, _Snape snickered to himself.

-SS-

Severus found himself standing in the study looking over his expanse of grounds through the patio doors. He was not watching the Potter Brat. It was merely a coincidence since the boy had finally finished his work early and asked Snape if he could go flying for a bit. Against his better judgment, Severus had agreed.

The boy had been here little over a week and already, Snape was grasping at straws trying to find flaws in his work. Well, his written work could always use improvement, but his defensive spell work was actually advanced for a soon-to-be fifth year and even his potions, loath Severus was to admit it, were a major improvement from Hogwarts.

The only thing the boy seemed to be failing miserably at was Occlumency. And truth be told, Snape couldn't even say if he was really failing that, as Severus had yet to uncover any memories that hinted at physical abuse in the boy's past. There was of course, the cupboard, and the practical slave labor the boy performed every summer, or the complete lack of affection. But nothing that would imply Severus should have found Harry battered and bruised like he did a few weeks ago.

This conundrum was a bit disconcerting to Severus. Either Harry did have some hope to master Occlumency and was doing an excellent job at hiding these particular memories from Snape because he simply didn't want the professor to know OR Harry's mind was hiding them subconsciously. The latter was looking tragically more probable to Severus. The boy had a lot more drive in him than a child who was that brutally abused typically would. Either the boy was dealing with things really well or not at all.

The fact that not a single faculty member realized this was going on was even more disturbing to Severus. And HE of all people should have seen some kind of warning sign over the last four years. Of course he had seen some signs of neglect, which Severus chose to ignore, pretending rather that the boy was spoiled rotten. And now Harry showed the obvious sign of instinctively withdrawing from any raised hand, but never had the boy behaved in that manner during school. He was cheeky, bold, disrespectful, and downright defiant in class. One might almost think the abuse must not have started until this summer, but Severus knew better. Besides the layers of scars he had seen on Harry's back, the extent of Harry's external injuries alone was proof that this was not the first time. No, it never started out that brutal.

Of course all of Severus' analytical observations were just that, observations. He had yet to confront the subject with Harry. Having finally spoken to Albus the previous night, they were in agreement that Harry needed to speak about this with someone he trusted. Thankfully, that knocked Severus off the list immediately. However, that did not remove him from the situation. It was now his job to get Harry to choose to confide in someone, most likely his mutt-godfather. Although Severus wished he could just tell Black himself and be rid of the whole situation, he knew, and Albus agreed, it would not serve well to break the boy's trust and share his secret without Harry's consent. No, Severus knew from his own experience that Harry needed to disclose this information with people on his own terms.

Now Severus had the enjoyable task of finding out just how far this abuse went and how Harry really was coping with it. As an added bonus he was probably also going to find out just how wrong he had been about the boy. Although he may have been unnecessarily hard on Harry throughout the years, Severus most definitely would have put a stop to any abuse had he known, or not been too blind to see.

The resemblance to James Potter was just too obvious to ignore and Severus couldn't help but loath the child for it. Harry was a tangible symbol of everything Severus couldn't have and everything he had lost. James Potter had won all those years ago. He had won Lily. It didn't matter that perhaps Harry was nothing like James, the boy was the product of James' triumph and Severus' loss. In the end, all Severus really wanted was for Lily to be happy, and a part of him was finally able to admit she seemed to be with James, but losing her, and knowing it was his fault was just too much for him. He made an oath to protect her son, but that did not mean he had to like the boy. Harry was just a constant reminder that Lily was gone and Severus would never have the chance to tell her how sorry he was. No, liking the boy would never be possible.

Snape was interrupted from his thoughts as he watched Harry land and dismount his broom. Luckily he plopped down on the grass instead of heading towards the house, giving the Potions Master a chance to disappear down to his lab.

The potions lab was always calming to Severus. The smell of most of the spices and ingredients were soothing and it cleared his head, giving him a chance to think. He needed to work out the best way to approach the subject both him and Harry desperately wished they could avoid and he might as well get things over with and make the attempt at dinner.

Severus was a man who could handle any situation. He spent his life doing the bidding of others; Albus Dumbledore, the Dark Lord. He was used to being put into trying situations and he could always find or talk his way out of them. This however, was posing a problem to the accomplished spy. He was not known to be a caring or compassionate man and yet that was exactly what Harry would need to open up about things. It was definitely going to be a long night.

-SS-

Harry jogged up to his room to put his broom away and change his clothes before he was late for dinner. He wouldn't give Snape any added reasons to reprimand him as he slid into his chair at the kitchen table before Severus was even in the room. He still had five minutes to spare.

_This was a first_, Harry thought to himself. Snape always beat him to any meal, but as if right on cue, the door swung open.

"Mr. Potter." Snape nodded his head in Harry's direction before taking his own seat.

Harry gave a polite nod in reply. "Professor."

Instantly the table filled with delicious food and Harry began filling his plate. He was actually famished from his time spent flying and took a large helping of turkey and mashed sweet potatoes. He thought he caught a glimpse of Snape smirking at him but it was gone before he could be sure.

Dinner was a quiet affair as always, but the two had grown accustomed to it, and it was no longer usually so disconcerting. Tonight however, there seemed to be some added tension and it was clearly felt by both parties. Snape finally broke the silence.

"Did you enjoy your little escapade outside?" Snape asked while eyeing the boy over his cup of tea. He would start off with a topic the boy might enjoy.

Harry's eyes darted up to look for any hint of sarcasm on Snape's face before answering. Besides the obvious choice of words, the question seemed sincere. "Yes Sir. Thank you for letting me," he replied honestly, a small smile on his face.

Snape inclined his head in acknowledgement before taking another sip of his tea. The boy was noticeably happier after having spent the afternoon flying. Hopefully that would make this conversation go more smoothly. He set his cup back on the table while he carefully chose his next words. "Mr. Potter, there is something we need to discuss," he said smoothly, no hint of disdain.

Harry choked on his pumpkin juice a little before cautiously setting the glass down on the table. Slowly, he brought his eyes up to the professors'. The emerald green orbs flashed with apprehension.

Harry's mind started to run frantically. _Something we need to discuss_ was never a good sign. Surely Snape couldn't mean _discussing_ his relatives. They had avoided the subject this long, why bring it up now?

"Perhaps you could explain what occurred before I arrived at your relative's home," Snape continued. He watched Harry's adams apple bob up and down as the boy swallowed hard before averting his eyes back down to his plate. Snape recognized the gesture performed many times in his classroom, it was an indication that Harry was preparing to lie. "Mr. Potter, if you plan on lying to me, perhaps you should rethink your words." Snape tried to keep his tone completely free of malice.

After inhaling a deep breath Harry answered, "Then maybe it would be better if I remain silent… Sir." He kept his eyes locked on his half-eaten plate of food.

"I see no reason why you cannot make an attempt at being truthful," Snape said evenly.

"You already know so what difference does it make? You saw," Harry replied bitterly, finally darting his eyes up to meet the dark ones across the table.

"No, Mr. Potter, I do not know. I can surmise what probably happened, but I do not _know_ what happened," Snape said, never once taking his eyes off Harry's.

Harry pushed his chair back and stood up abruptly. "I'm not hungry anymore. I think I'll head to bed," he said curtly.

As he quickly made his way past the professor towards the exit, Snape's cool voice brought him to a halt just as he had pulled the door open. "Unfortunately, you were not excused." Knowing his icy tone would do the trick he didn't turn to face the boy. It was just too easy for him to lose his temper when dealing with the brat. Severus knew he should let him go and not push the subject but the boy had no regard for authority.

"And unfortunately for you, _SIR_, I'm not gonna answer you!" Harry practically yelled, equally losing his temper.

Snape was out of his chair in a flash, looming over Harry. "Mr. Potter, I believe we have already had a lesson in respect, but if you are in need of another one, I will be happy to grant your wish," he said in a dangerous whisper. _The brat antagonizes me on purpose!_

Gathering his Gryffindor courage, Harry kept his gaze level with the professor's, although he was visibly trembling. "Then assign the punishment so I can get started on it," he said as evenly as possible.

Snape was fuming. _What an insolent little brat!_ "Perhaps we should start this conversation over, graced with the presence of your precious godfather," he replied scornfully.

Harry's hard face dropped instantly to be replaced by a look of utter horror.

_Shit! Why the hell did I say that? This was not the way the stupid conversation was supposed to go. I was supposed to try and be objective. NOT let the boy get under my skin. NOT lose my temper! NOT threaten the boy!_

Before he could come up with some type of retraction Harry let out a bloodcurdling scream while Severus felt a familiar pain radiate up his arm. Instinctively, he gripped his left forearm, but was ripped from his own pain as he watched Harry stagger into the hall and slide to the floor against the doorframe, clutching his head.

"Potter!" Snape yelled, trying to be heard through Harry's screaming. He quickly stepped out into the hall to crouch before the child. Harry was grasping at his hair with one hand, practically pulling it out, while the other palm was being forcefully pushed into his scar. "POTTER!" he tried again while seizing the boys' wrists, trying to pull Harry's hands down a little to see what could possibly be wrong.

Harry desperately gasped for air. The pain filling his head was excruciating and he couldn't even stop himself from crying out. His scar was searing, as if someone had ripped it open and he had this strange feeling of anger. Someone was extremely angry.

"Potter, you NEED to answer me! I cannot help you if I do not know what is wrong!" Snape tried to remain stoic, but his voice betrayed him a little. He was growing frantic as Harry continued screaming in agony between gasping breaths. _What in Merlin's name could be happening?_

"My – my h-head," Harry rasped out before gasping for more air. "It's like – like splitting open."

Snape watched as Harry squeezed his eyes shut tightly, moisture leaking out of the corners. _It's as if he is being inflicted with the cruciatus. How?_ "ACCIO PAIN-RELIEVER." Snape shouted as a blue vial came whizzing across the foyer into his outstretched hand. "Potter, I need you to drink this." He made quick work of uncorking the vial while trying to wrestle Harry's hands away from his face.

The pain was too much. Harry couldn't concentrate on Snape's voice anymore. He couldn't even think. He felt a strong hand push his own away and grip his chin as a cool vial pressed against his lips. He complied immediately as he felt the fingers tilt his chin up and the contents emptied into his mouth.

Another wave of pain washed over Harry and he bit down on his own lip to stop from screaming. Why didn't Snape just stun him! He couldn't take this!

_Nothing. The potion did NOTHING!_ Snape was at a complete loss. He threw the empty vial aside and instantly summoned another one. His hand was still gripping the boys chin and now a small trickle of blood had gathered on Harry's bottom lip where it was caught between his teeth. Snape squeezed Harry's chin and forced his mouth open again before pouring the second vial down his throat.

Snape sat back on his heels as he silently prayed this pain-reliever would work. He knew they were brewed correctly, but he had no idea what was really afflicting the child. _He really did just look like a child, not like James or Lily, just a wounded child. _

The pain finally appeared to be ebbing away from the boy's face. His eye's loosened from their scrunched up position. He was still breathing erratically as his head tipped back until it came in contact with the wall. Snape saw that the lightning bolt scar was an angry red against Harry's pale face.

"How is the pain?" Snape asked quietly.

Silence filled the hall save for Harry's raspy breath. In. Out.

"Better," he whispered finally.

Severus felt the breath he didn't realize he was holding finally leave him. Clearly the boy was still in some pain, it was evident in his voice, but there seemed to be immense improvement. And the grip around his left forearm had finally loosened. "_Shit,"_ Snape muttered as he realized his dark mark was burning even more ferociously than before and now he was very, very late. He pulled his arm out of Harry's grasp, cursing himself for not even noticing the boy clutching it. "Potter, I will return momentarily," he said as he stood and quickly made his way across the foyer. "Don't move."

Harry let out a snort. "Couldn't if I wanted to," he mumbled back as Snape disappeared into the study.

Severus threw some floo powder into the fire as he dropped to his knees. Instantly the deserted Hogwarts Infirmary came into view. _Let her be here._ "Poppy!" he called to the seemingly empty room.

Silence.

"POPPY!" he yelled much louder. _Damnit!_

The Mediwitch came bustling into view from the office door mere seconds before Severus was prepared to give up.

"Severus? What is it? Are you alright?" she asked urgently.

Some tension, albeit only a very small amount, left Severus' face at the sight of the Mediwitch. "I need you to step through. I will explain when you get here. Please," he requested in an equally urgent tone. Upon seeing her nod, he retreated from the fire and made his way back across the study to his potions cabinet. Grabbing a small jar he spun around in time to meet Poppy stepping out of the fire.

Poppy glanced around the study to find it completely empty. Her eyes raked over Severus for any hint of a hidden injury. He looked a bit out of sorts, but there was no obvious ailment. "Severus, are you injured? Do not lie to me!" she exclaimed as she made her way across the room, wand at the ready to make an assessment.

Severus scowled at the ridiculously overbearing woman. "It is Mr. Potter," he replied placatingly. "He is in the hall." He inclined his head in the direction of the doorway instructing Poppy to follow him.

Harry was in the same position Snape had left him, leaning against the doorframe with his knees drawn in towards his chest and his head back against the wall. The scar was still a vivid red against Harry's possibly even paler skin but his eyes were open. Snape knew a double dose of pain-reliever would make the boy extremely lethargic or perhaps even knock him unconscious, but it wouldn't be harmful. The dull look in his eyes was to be expected.

Poppy let out a small gasp when she got a sight of Harry on the floor. She followed the professor across the foyer until they were standing over Harry and she looked to Snape for explanation as she crouched in front of Harry.

Harry's eyes stayed locked onto the professor. Even through the haze he could see the man clutching his left forearm and Harry had felt the heat emanating from the mark when he was gripping it in pain earlier. The man was being summoned.

Although it was to be expected, seeing Harry's usually vibrant emerald green eyes looking so muted, so unlike Lily's, was somewhat disconcerting to Severus. It was not a look he enjoyed seeing in the boy. In all the years he had taunted the child, Harry's eyes only seemed to shine brighter. This lifeless look was too reminiscent of Severus' own.

"Poppy, Mr. Potter has experienced some type of extreme pain I can only assume is somehow connected with his scar. I've given him two doses of pain-reliever-" Snape raised a hand to silence the Medi-witch's reproaching look, "-As the first dose had no impact. Put this salve on his scar and if you find no other ailments, put him to bed, as I'm surprised the potions have not already rendered him incapacitated." Snape spoke smoothly, while never letting his eyes leave Harry's. "I'm sorry to rush out on you, Poppy, but I have pressing matters to attend to."

"It's alright Severus. Should I contact the headmaster as well?" Poppy asked while she gazed worriedly at Harry.

"If you could. Call upon my house-elf, Marla, if you are in need of anything, and once he is asleep you may leave him in her care," Snape responded. "Mr. Potter, when you awake, use the floo to take yourself to your Godfather's." His eyes raked over the boy one last time. He still had no idea what had just occurred and felt even less comfortable than normal heading to the Dark Lord's side but it could not be helped.

Snape turned on his heel and headed for the front door. He was stopped in his tracks by Harry's raspy words. "He's angry, Sir."

He spun back around and met Harry's eyes, knowing instantly what the boy meant by those three words. _How_ the boy knew was a completely different question, one he would have to find the answer to later. For now, he really needed to placate the burning sensation in his arm and the angry Dark Lord behind it. He gave Harry a small nod before continuing his path back to his second master, who had been kept waiting for far too long.

-SS-

Harry finally let his eyes drift shut as Snape disappeared out the front door. The pain filling his head had subsided to a dull ache but he couldn't help but feel sorry for Snape more than for himself. The man was put into such an impossible situation and Voldemort had been REALLY angry. Harry didn't know when he had realized the pain and anger was coming from Voldemort, but he had. He could feel the monsters' emotions playing in his head and fueling the pain. And now Snape was walking straight into that anger. No one should be put in that position.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Leave me a review please :)


	7. Chapter 7 All Downhill From Here

**A/N: Still don't own the characters or the amazing world they live in, just messing around with the plot line. Don't sue me, I have no money. **

**Thanks again to everyone who reviews or adds the story to their favorites lists or alerts. Hopefully I am doing something right. I really, really loved some of the reviews from the last chapter. You have no idea how encouraging they are. **

**I already have the next chapter finished and had a hard time figuring out where to stop this one and start the next one but have finally settled on this. Hope you enjoy. -Mara**

_Where we left off…_

Harry finally let his eyes drift shut as Snape disappeared out the front door. The pain filling his head had subsided to a dull ache but he couldn't help but feel sorry for Snape more than for himself. The man was put into such an impossible situation and Voldemort had been REALLY angry. Harry didn't know when he had realized the pain and anger was coming from Voldemort but he had. He could feel the monsters' emotions playing in his head and fueling the pain. And now Snape was walking straight into that anger. No one should be put in that position.

**Chapter 7 – All Downhill From Here**

Harry didn't put up a fight as Madame Pomfrey ran diagnostic tests or levitated him up to his room with the guidance of Marla. He couldn't have put up a fight if he wanted to as he was only semi-conscious.

He wasn't sure when he actually succumbed to sleep or when Madame Pomfrey left or whether Dumbledore ever even came, but now he seemed to be alone. According to his clock, it was 5:15 am. He had slept straight through the night and now he wondered if Snape was back yet. His scar didn't hurt anymore so that was a good sign.

Laying in the partial darkness, Harry let his mind wander over all the events of yesterday. The whole scar incident was crazy and he definitely had a lot of questions about what exactly happened and why he could feel Voldemort's anger, but what was weighing most heavily on his mind now was the conversation he had with Snape before that.

Would the man really tell Sirius about the Dursley's? Did he _already_ tell Sirius? His godfather would never want him if he found out about everything. No, there was no way he would tell Sirius or anyone. He wouldn't give Snape more ammunition to use against him either. Of course, Snape already knew. Maybe he would have to give in and answer some of Snapes' questions with the promise that he wouldn't have to tell anyone else. No one else needed to know.

Harry made up his mind to speak to the professor when he saw him next as he quickly washed up and dressed. Making his way down to the kitchen he realized he had no way of knowing if Snape had returned yet since the man's door was always closed. Maybe he would have breakfast and then wait for the professor in the study.

In crossing the foyer he was distracted by a noise coming from said room. Perhaps he wasn't alone after all.

As Harry inspected the study his eyes landed on a disheveled Professor Snape collapsed in one of the arm chairs by the fire. His hair hung haphazardly around his unusually sallow face and the dark circles under his eyes made him look like he had been awake for days. Harry watched as he brought a blue potion vial up to his lips with his left hand and downed it in one go while his other hand held a small teacup.

What disturbed Harry most about the entire scene before him was his usually stoic Potion's Professor's hand visibly trembling as it held that teacup. The liquid within threatened to spill over at any second. He had never seen his professor so shaken.

"Sir?" Harry whispered from his safe distance in the doorway.

Snape dropped the empty vial, but made no other movement to indicate he had been startled. He readjusted the teacup so that his palm was covering the top and Harry could see the man's knuckles turning white in an effort to push the cup into the arm of the chair to steady his hand.

"What, Potter?" Snape's voice sounded as tired and raspy as Harry's had the night before.

"Are you alright, Sir?" Harry asked as he boldly stepped farther into the room.

"Yes, I'm bloody well peachy, Potter," Snape spat. "I thought I instructed you to go to Headquarters?" he added sarcastically.

Harry glared daggers at the side of Snape's head. "It's not even six in the morning Sir. And I actually just woke up since YOU knocked me out with a double dose of pain reliever. But my _sincerest_ apologies for actually being concerned," Harry replied cynically.

"I DO NOT NEED your concern and as for that double dose, which put you out of your misery, I will remember for next time and just sit back and do nothing. Hmm?" Snape replied in his most loathing tone as he raised one sarcastic eyebrow and turned to glare at Harry. _At least the sleep appeared to have done the boy some good. His scar is less inflamed and that defiant glow is back in those blasted eyes. _

"Good!" Harry practically shouted. "I don't need your concern either! I've never had ANY before so why should I need it now?" Harry said spitefully before storming towards the floo and disappearing in a flash of green flames.

Snape's tea cup smashed against the side of the hearth as he threw it viciously after the vanishing Harry. "And I could certainly say the same damn thing!" Snape yelled to the empty fireplace as he clenched and unclenched his shaking hands.

Harry had been right. The Dark Lord was extremely angry that no one, especially Severus, had known Harry had been removed from Privet Drive. Severus, along with the other most _faithful_ followers, paid dearly for this error. It was such an ironic situation, Severus could have laughed, being tortured for something he most certainly did know. _I was the one that took the boy, you sick bastard, _Snape wished he could yell at the Dark Lord.

Obviously this mind connection went much farther than anyone, the Dark Lord included, was aware of. Severus had heard the Dark Lord speak about visions, but he never mentioned anything about transferring emotions… or pain. He had every intention of asking the boy how he had known the Dark Lord was angry, (What exactly did Harry see?), but everything just went wrong. Severus didn't like being observed in such a compromising position. He was usually a man of steel and he knew his exhaustion and shaking did not go unnoticed by Harry. And he certainly didn't need the boy's pity or whatever it may be.

Concern was such a foreign idea to Severus. Of course Dumbledore cared, but he was man of business, much like Severus, who knew that sacrifices were necessary to win the war. No, Severus had not experienced real concern since his mother was still alive when he was a child or Merlin help him- before him and Lily had a falling out.

But the boy wasn't honestly concerned. At least that's how Severus rationalized his own behavior.

-SS-

For the brief amount of time that Harry was still conscious last night, he had thought he might have heard a hint of concern in the bitter man's voice, but any notion of that was completely washed away now. _Every time I try to speak he ends up biting my head off, _Harry grumbled half out loud as he fell ungraciously into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place.

Having forgotten just how early it still was, he was greeted by an extremely anxious godfather.

"Harry! Are you alright?" Sirius asked worriedly as he rushed over to help Harry to his feet.

Panic flooded through him. _Did Snape already tell him? Why would he be so worried? Should I lie?_ Harry settled for "Umm, what?" and dared a glance at his godfather to inspect his reaction.

"What are you doing here at like 6:30 in the morning? Not that I'm not happy to see you, it's just an odd hour to – Did that bastard do something?" Sirius' tone instantly changed from concern to anger.

"What?" Now Harry was thoroughly confused. Why would he think Snape did something? It was his uncle. "Oh!" Harry exclaimed, feeling like he should slap himself in the forehead for panicking. "No. No he didn't do anything. He just gave me the day off and I woke up early. That's all." Harry tried to sound as convincing as possible. He wouldn't give Snape the satisfaction of knowing Harry had whined about anything and he certainly couldn't risk Snape telling Sirius about his relatives. He certainly wasn't going to give Sirius a reason to go argue with the man.

Sirius gave his godson a curious look. "Listen Harry, I know learning Occlumency is important, but that prick doesn't have the right to treat you like dirt. I expect you to tell me immediately if he does. Do you understand?" Sirius sounded like he was talking to a three-year-old.

"No really, Sirius. I mean he's always a git, but it's nothing out of the ordinary. And I'm doing really well in defense spells and even potions. So he has a lot less to criticize," Harry replied. "Honest."

Sirius decided to let it drop for now, but perhaps he would have a word with Snape later. No one was going to treat his godson poorly, especially not that greasy slytherin.

He gave Harry one last look before motioning him over to the table. "Alright, have you had breakfast?"

-SS-

The day passed quickly. Although it became abruptly apparent that Sirius was going a bit stir crazy, Harry still enjoyed spending the morning with him before everyone woke up and then he spent time with the Weasleys and Hermione. For a short amount of time he had almost forgotten about all his troubles with Snape. He couldn't completely stop them from lingering at the back of his mind though.

Everyone was on enough edge with the return of Voldemort. Harry couldn't bear to add more weight to their shoulders. He felt like that was all he did, add more burdens. That was certainly all he was to his relatives and now Snape, who already had his hands full being a spy. And to top that all off, Snape was threatening to tell everyone that he couldn't even stand up to his stupid uncle. Voldemort was out to kill him and yet he couldn't even protect himself against a pathetic muggle. Then finally, if things couldn't possibly get any worse, he could now feel the twisted monsters' emotions. Yeah, that was exactly what everyone needed to know.

No, Harry would not do anything that might make Sirius want to get rid of him. It was obvious he was already depressed enough being locked in Grimmauld Place. He certainly wouldn't want to be stuck with a crazy godson.

Snape hadn't really told him when he had to be back so Harry just assumed their regular schedule would resume tomorrow. Either way he made up the excuse that he couldn't stay out too late as the afternoon started to drag on. He wished he could have left then, but didn't want to run into Snape around dinner.

Sirius had disappeared after lunch. Apparently he had been doing that quite often lately, locking himself away with Buckbeak. Hermione thought he was slightly bitter about not being allowed to help with any Order missions.

Harry tried to stay upbeat the rest of the day, but his real mood was apparent to everyone. Hermione, Ron, and Ginny kept pestering him about Occlumency and life with Snape. Of course he filled them in on any pertinent information he had wanted to share, such as the amazing house, library, and Snape's decent treatment of house elves, but Harry certainly wasn't in the mood to share much more. The last thing he wanted to admit was that he was failing miserably at Occlumency.

Harry really just wanted more information about Voldemort or the Order, but none of his friends seemed to have any and it left Harry in an even more dejected mood. He had tried to ask Sirius about Dumbledore earlier, but his godfather had brushed him off saying, _'the Headmaster is a very busy person'_.

Eventually Hermione cornered Harry in private to ask if everything was really okay. He felt bad lying to her, although it was only a partial lie, but said he was just worried about Voldemort.

He finally couldn't stand it anymore. He felt like everyone was just giving him these pitying looks and Sirius obviously didn't care if he stuck around. It was about seven as he made his way back to Snape's manor.

Stepping through the floo, Harry prayed that Snape wouldn't be sitting in the study. He rose to his feet and dusted the soot from his clothes, extremely relieved to find the room empty. And seeing as there was at least another hour of daylight, Harry decided to head outside. He needed some fresh air after being cooped up inside the musty walls of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. No wonder Sirius was going crazy, it was enough to drive anyone nuts.

Harry strolled away from the house and across the grounds not really paying particular attention to where he was going. The sun, although low in the sky, was shining warmly on his back and casting long shadows of willow trees all around him. He stared at the patterns of light on the ground made through all the trees. An extremely comfortable breeze blew through his hair and kept twisting and changing the designs of light on the ground. He had been walking for about twenty minutes when he realized he was just following the property line, letting his fingers graze across the stacked stone wall. He ungraciously plopped down to the ground and leaned back against the smoothest section he could find. The cool stone felt good through his t-shirt while the sun still shone warmly on his face.

Harry wished he could just be free. Free to enjoy this moment. But he wasn't. His mind was weighed down by too many thoughts and feelings.

He wished he could just close his eyes and wake up as someone else. Not the boy-who-lived. Not the boy-no-one-wanted. Not the boy-Voldemort-wanted-to-kill. Just Harry Potter. The boy-with-the-normal-life.

Everything was so overwhelming and Harry felt like he had no one he could really turn to. Sirius just kept reminding him how much he was like his father. But when his godfather found out he was really _nothing_ like James Potter, not brave or noble, but weak and pathetic, Sirius wouldn't want him anymore. And the man was already a virtual prisoner of Grimmauld Place. Harry couldn't burden him with anything else.

God, he wished his parents were still alive. They would help him through all this. They would still love him no matter what. At least he wanted to believe they would. That was what parents were for.

At that thought Harry couldn't help the tears that leaked out of his eyes as he pulled off his glasses and swiped at his face with the back of his hand, completely unaware of the man watching him from the library windows.

_I'm such a baby!_ Harry chastised himself.

-SS-

After Harry left and Severus calmed his nerves, the professor got a few good hours of potion-aided sleep. When he finally awoke in the afternoon he decided to spend a few hours brewing in his lab, looking forward to the peace and solitude he would have for the rest of the day. He was surprised to find that the place _almost_ seemed lonely without the slicing and dicing of a second knife or the bubbling and stirring of a second cauldron. _Almost!_

After dinner, which Severus thought was much more comfortable alone, he went up to the library to research a new potion he was working on. The lone figure walking the property line caught his eye and he stopped to observe the boy.

He was shocked to see Harry back so early. Since he hadn't specified a time, Severus figured he would have to drag the boy back to resume lessons, especially after the fiasco of the last twenty-four hours. Certainly the boy would have a wonderful time with his pseudo-family and friends.

Severus watched with intrigue as Harry walked despondently through the grass disappearing in and out from behind trees before practically collapsing against the property wall. And then he was taken aback by Harry's gesture. Even at this distance, Severus could tell the boy was wiping tears away from his face.

How in the world was he ever going to get the boy to talk about things? If it weren't blatantly clear to Severus before, now there was no denying, Harry was bottling up everything. Severus had so many questions for the child, but had no idea how to approach them. _How long had the abuse been happening? How often? Was it all the child ever knew? Had he tried to ask for help in the past? Did he ever tell a teacher in primary school? Was he threatened not to? How come no one tried to help him? Why did he listen to his aunt and use a glamour charm? Was he really that desperate to hide everything? _

Severus knew the answer to most of those questions. Harry blamed himself much like Severus had in the past and that was why it was so crucial that the child talk things out.

Needing to gather his thoughts and form a plan, Severus made himself scarce for the rest of the evening. Harry was grateful for the distance.

-SS-

The following day Harry took up his defensive, defiant attitude. If he had no control over any other aspect of his life, at least he would take control here and give the professor as good as the dour man could dish out. Any attempt at peace was shot out of the water from the minute they started breakfast as he greeted the professor with an extremely acrimonious tone. Everything just went downhill from there.

-SS-

"Is that the best you can do Professor?" Harry jeered as his shield charm repelled Snape's blasting hex on the first try. He knew his cheeky response was a bad way to start the lesson, but defense was the one place Harry felt he could really shine.

An evil glint flashed through Snapes' eyes as he fired another one, much harder than the first. Harry's shield buckled and he was hit forcefully in the shoulder, knocking him back a few steps.

"When I said we were working on maintaining a shield charm for multiple curses, I did mean that you would need to hold it for at least two hexes," Snape said with a smirk. "Perhaps I didn't make it expressly clear what the word _maintain_ meant."

Harry glared right back at the professor. "No, I think I got it… SIR," he said, emphasizing the last word in a sarcastic manner.

The next hour flew by in a similar manner; Harry holding his shields as long as possible, both physically and mentally, as Snape fired hexes, curses and insults, and Harry fired cheeky retorts right back.

After the exhausting afternoon and an awkward dinner the two stubborn wizards prepared for the worst task of all… Occlumency.

They squared off in the study in their usual positions and the memories began shooting through Harry's mind. Snape was intrigued by Harry's behavior last night and was looking for particular memories that might shed some light on the situation. He swore it was only intrigue as to what occurred at Grimmauld Place to upset the boy so much and not actual concern.

_Harry was helping the Weasley's clean at Grimmauld Place. He was traveling to Snape's. He was staring at his new room with awe. He was on the floor in the foyer, excruciating pain ripping through his head. _And then he was physically on the floor, rubbing his forehead as if the pain still lingered. Harry had tried, he really had, to stop Snape, to block him, to push him out, but nothing. He still hadn't looked at the book on Occlumency. He would definitely need to read that tonight.

"Up, Potter. As much as I don't enjoy this activity, you certainly won't learn anything from down there," Snape said bitterly. _Besides, he was getting close to what he was looking for._

Harry pushed himself off the floor and glared up at the professor without wasting anytime. He wouldn't let the man think he was a baby.

_Harry was talking to Sirius over breakfast. He was hanging out with Ron and Hermione and trying to act happy. He was walking through the grounds of Snape's manor. _NO! He would not let Snape see him crying. He desperately tried to focus his eyes back on the room in front of him. _He was running his hand along the stone wall and-_ NO!

Harry managed to find feeling in his arm and pulled his wand up. "Protego!" He shouted.

Suddenly new memories, memories Harry didn't remember, started flashing through his head. _A dark haired boy sat crying and rubbing his bruised arm while the sounds of shouting and crashing could be heard from another room. An older version of the same boy sat trying to comfort a crying middle-aged woman as a blatantly drunk hook-nosed man lumbered out of the room. _

Harry heard a snarl before he felt himself thrown back a few feet, landing hard on the floor and knocking his head with a thud. He pushed himself up on one elbow and rubbed the back of his head where a nice lump was already forming.

"Well… That was a major improvement, Potter. Although, I don't recall instructing you to use a shield charm," Snape sneered.

"No, you didn't actually _instruct_ me to do anything," Harry snapped back as he stood up.

"Very well, since you are much more adept at teaching yourself, let us see if you are capable of a repeat performance." Snape said pointedly.

He cast _Legilimens_ with no warning and Harry was powerless to stop the memories from coming forward. He couldn't even keep up anymore with the blur of people and places and soon found himself collapsed on the rug.

"_What – _Potter – Was that last memory?" Snape asked furiously.

Harry took a deep breath before pulling himself up to his knees. "Uhh, which one Sir?" He honestly didn't even know which one the professor was referring to.

"The corridor, Potter! With the door at the end! Where did you see it?" Snape snapped impatiently.

"Oh uhh, It was just a dream I had a few times," Harry answered confused. _Why was the professor so mad about a stupid dream, but not about Harry obviously seeing his own childhood memories?_

"POTTER! Do you not understand why you are here? Have you even raised one lazy finger to look at the book I gave you? Or are you so arrogant you assume you do not need additional help to clear your mind before sleep? Hmm?" Snape was practically screaming at him. "Your mind is at its weakest while you sleep and yet you choose to give the Dark Lord perfect access to it," he continued to rant.

"You know, the way you talk about the '_Dark Lord'_, you almost sound like you worship the monster," Harry said heatedly.

"That is ENOUGH!" Snape hissed through clenched teeth. "GET OUT!"

The room was silent save for both wizard's furious breathing.

"And I suggest you finish that book by tomorrow morning if you know what's good for you," Snape hissed.

Harry glared daggers at the man, but didn't need another reason to be excused. He quickly tore from the room, desperate to be free from the professor's presence.

Snape was seething. _That insolent little brat!_

-SS-

_TBC…_

Oh come on, leave me a review please :)

Next up: Tentative forgiveness, but will it survive the dreaded Pensieve incident?


	8. Chapter 8 Tentative Forgiveness Perhaps?

**A/N: Extra Disclaimer: A large portion of this chapter, indicated by the ** is quoted or paraphrased/summarized from ****Order of the Phoenix**** by J.K. Rowling. I don't profess to own any of it and have merely shortened or summarized some of it to make the chapter move faster. It was just crucial for my pretend plot line. **

Reviews were awesome everyone! I love you guys! Early update for all you wonderful people!

As for keeping Harry and Snape somewhat in character, I'm glad I've done a good job so far, but things are probably going to start to shift soon. It's necessary for my story and I hope I've presented, at the conclusion of these next two chapters, a basis for characters to start changing. If you just absolutely can't buy it, I understand and will not be offended if you stop reading, but please no flames, it's just the way I imagine the characters evolving.

Hope you enjoy. –Mara

_Where we left off…_

Harry glared daggers at the man but didn't need another reason to be excused. He quickly tore from the room, desperate to be free from the professor's presence.

Snape was seething. _That insolent little brat!_

**Chapter 8 – Tentative Forgiveness and Invasions of Privacy**

Harry knew his final comment had gone too far, but he couldn't hold his tongue anymore. The tension running through the house didn't fade quickly over the next few days and Snape was more bitter and spiteful than ever. Harry tried to show his remorse by being more respectful, but it went seemingly unnoticed by the professor.

Between being plagued by nightmares and more dreams of this mysterious corridor and the door at the end, opening up into more rooms, Harry was getting very little sleep. It was another one of those particular nights at 2:00 a.m. that Harry could be found sitting in the library staring out across the moonlit grounds. He liked coming here when he couldn't sleep. His nightmares threatened to smother him and he needed the openness of the two-story library and the fresh air from the veranda.

It was here that Severus found Harry almost a week after the Occlumency incident. What was amazing was the fact that they hadn't run into each other on any number of other nights when neither could sleep. As Severus was silently passing by the open library doors he had initially been startled by the dark figure silhouetted against the window, but it only took a second before he realized it was Harry.

The first night he had only given Harry a long silent look, deciding it would be best to avoid any unnecessary, and most certainly awkward, conversation. He still hadn't come up with the best way to talk to Harry. The second night however, something compelled Severus to speak.

"Mr. Potter." His smooth voice broke the silence, causing Harry to startle and whip his head around towards the door. Severus wasn't extremely surprised to find the boy awake two nights in a row as Harry rarely looked well-rested during the day. The fact that the boy looked quite comfortable also hinted that Harry frequented this spot often.

"Uhh… Sir," Harry replied, unsure of whether he should make an excuse for being here.

Severus turned from the doorway and began descending the stairs as his night robe billowed behind him. "Well, come along Potter. Marla has a relaxing brew of tea," Snape called back to Harry. Perhaps he could endeavor to be a little nicer to the boy as he had noticed Harry's efforts to redeem himself after the awful remark he had made in Occlumency.

Harry stared after the professor in shock. _Was the cold man actually inviting him to have tea?_

Harry finally made a decision and jumped up to follow the professor. If it might help ease the tension in the house he would give anything a shot, and god knows he could use something that would calm his nerves.

The tile floor was icy beneath his feet as Harry made his way down the stairs and across the foyer in only his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He pushed open the kitchen door to find Snape sitting in his usual spot as if the man performed this late-night activity quite often. The lights were dimmed to cast a soft glow on the room and Harry silently slipped into his seat across from the man and watched as he poured two cups of tea. Wordlessly, Snape slid one over to Harry and gestured with a hand towards the cream and sugar.

"Thank you, Sir," Harry said quietly as he stirred his tea and watched the professor through his messy fringe.

Snape nodded before slowly lifting his own cup to blow softly across the liquid surface.

Harry noted that the man didn't add anything to his drink and decided he too would try the tea before adding any condiments. As it was, he usually preferred to drink tea black, rather than hide the tastes with sugar or cream.

The two wizards sat sipping their own drinks, neither wanting to break the peaceful silence. It seemed as though no good could come from speaking as neither seemed to be able to say anything nice to the other lately. Harry had felt guilty all week about what he had said Snape. He knew the man was a spy and all the Death Eaters referred to Voldemort as the Dark Lord. Of course Snape would be in the habit of using that name. Voldemort was unmerciful even when it came to his own followers, or perhaps _especially_ when it came to his own followers, and any slip up in the monster's presence could be catastrophic. Harry had seen the aftermath of a Death Eater meeting just the other day and it certainly didn't look like Snape had been enjoying himself. For Harry to imply that Snape really did worship Voldemort was an awful thing.

He had to apologize.

Putting his cup down slightly shakily, Harry spoke quickly. "Sir, I'm sorry about what I said the other night. I didn't mean it. I know it's not true. I just lost my temper." He waited with baited breath for Snape's response.

The boy sounded sincerely remorseful. Severus inclined his head slightly and replied, "I know why you said it Mr. Potter," implying that he understood Harry was merely fighting back from Snape's own verbal attacks.

Harry's emerald eyes stared into the professor's as he recognized the makeshift, implied apology and ducked his head in acknowledgement. It was probably the best he would ever get from the man.

Severus was extremely impressed with Harry's act of contrition and in the faint light from the moon the boys' emerald green eyes sparkled fiercely, reminding Severus far more of Lily than Harry could ever resemble James Potter.

"I still intend to finish the conversation we started before Mr. Potter," Snape said in an unusually soft voice. He was pleasantly surprised that even though obviously startled, Harry held his gaze.

"I apologize for approaching the subject in the entirely wrong manner. And although it is essential that you speak with _someone_, I should have made it expressly clear that you need not choose me," Snape said pointedly.

"I don't want to talk about it, Sir," Harry replied quietly, in more of a tone of resignation than the defiance of last time.

Snape nodded his head in understanding. "You may feel that way now, but it will undoubtedly be a decision you live to regret," he replied. Severus knew what would happen to Harry if he never opened up about things. Harry would end up just like him.

"It should still be my decision to regret," said Harry, clearly hinting at Snape's threat to tell Sirius during their last conversation on this topic.

Snape took a long sip of his tea, pleased that Harry still firmly held his gaze. _At least the boy has some resolve left._

"Indeed it should," Snape finally answered as he set his cup back onto the table. "But I do not intend to let this conversation drop until I have convinced you otherwise," he added truthfully. And with that last statement Snape pushed his chair back and stood to leave.

"Goodnight Mr. Potter," Snape called as he exited the room.

Harry sat in stunned silence, still shakily clutching his own tea cup. His heart was racing in his chest from the line of conversation. He was so nervous Snape was going to force the topic out of him. He was absolutely flabbergasted that the professor managed to both admit he would not tell anyone without Harry's permission, but also that he would not stop asking Harry about it. Relief washed over him at the realization that his secret was safe. Harry could see in the man's eyes that Snape was being sincere.

Harry wasn't quite sure how he felt about the latter part of Snape's statement though. He should be upset that the man wouldn't let it go, but a part of him had this warm feeling. It meant the professor might actually care about his well-being and want Harry to actually learn to deal with things.

Growing up, lord knows the Dursleys had never shown Harry any form of care. Teachers always took the "I care because I have to – stance", but Snape didn't seem to have that tone. Of course the Weasley's thought of Harry as part of the family but they had never really fought to keep him during the holidays. Harry knew Dumbledore cared about him more than a normal student, but now the headmaster was downright avoiding him. It just wasn't feasible for Remus to be available for Harry when he needed him. And Sirius, well… he devastatingly lost thirteen years with Harry and was now too preoccupied with his own worries to provide the support Harry needed. Harry didn't mean to be selfish, or imply that Sirius planned on ending up in Azkaban, but it happened and the one man that could have prevented Harry from growing up in the hell of Number Four, Privet Drive was unjustly ripped from his life before he even knew him. And even this past summer… _Why hadn't Sirius fought to have Harry come straight to headquarters? _He knew about the stupid wards because of his aunt, but surely the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix would be highly protected.

In fact as Harry thought more about it, Snape was the first person who actually removed him from the Dursleys after he saw how Harry was treated. Of course Snape got a much better picture than other people, but even when Harry's Hogwarts letter was addressed to the cupboard under the stairs and Hagrid met his horrid relatives, no one came to really check on him. And Ron and the Weasley twins broke him out two summers ago, but it was after spending two hellish months there and the next summer he was sent back as if the bars on his window meant nothing.

Snape didn't even question Harry. He just removed him from the house. Perhaps the professor was finally beginning to see that Harry wasn't really a spoiled brat. At least Harry didn't _think_ of himself as a spoiled brat.

He wasn't trying to discount all the people that had been there for him through the years, but right now he needed more. He longed for the unconditional support only a parent could provide, where your safety and well-being is the most important thing in the world to them and you can always find that sense of security and shelter because they will always have your back. Harry longed for the day when Sirius could be proven innocent and he could have the godfather he had dreamed about since the day Sirius had asked him to come live with him. But he couldn't help, but worry that the man might not even want him then, not when he found out what Snape knew.

-SS-

Harry wasn't sure whether it was the tea or the talk, but he slept better the rest of the night than he had in a long time.

-SS-

The next few days passed uneventfully. Harry made an effort to be more respectful and Snape, although still unreadable, seemed to hold his tongue more often than firing a sarcastic remark.

Loath as Severus was to admit it, the boy was actually starting to grow on him. His efforts in Defense and Potions were actually exceptional when he concentrated and made an effort. The only thing really driving Severus crazy was Harry's complete and utter inability to learn Occlumency. If the boy could hide his physical abuse so well, why in the hell couldn't he shield the rest of his mind? Severus was absolutely livid during their last Occlumency lesson when he saw Harry traveling even further down the mysterious corridor and rooms beyond.

That afternoon Snape had to report to Dumbledore on both Harry's progress and any new Death Eater activity he was aware of. He decided to be generous and give Harry the rest of the day off, offering to let the boy go to Grimmauld Place.

Harry threw a mild fit about not being included in what Snape and Dumbledore knew, but was quickly put in his place by the fierce Potion's Master. He ended up opting to stay at the manor and spend a few hours flying. It was a great way for Harry to clear his mind and forget about his troubles.

As he was coming back in through the study he noticed Snape's cabinet open a crack behind the desk. The sparkling blue liquid in the Pensieve had caught his eye. Harry had watched Snape deposit memories in the silver basin numerous times before their Occlumency lessons. He always assumed the memories had to do with Voldemort's weapon no one wanted Harry to know about or else the strange corridor he kept seeing in his dreams. _Why else would Snape be so furious every time that image came up in Occlumency? _

He _knew_ he shouldn't. He _knew_ it was a terrible, terrible idea, a death wish probably, but before he knew it, Harry was pulling the cabinet open and staring down at the shimmering substance. It was an awful thing to do, entering a man's memories without permission. Harry would hate it if someone did the same to him, but he couldn't help but feel like everyone was hiding things from him. It was so obvious since Dumbledore avoided him like the plague and Snape flipped out over a stupid dream.

Harry prodded the surface of the liquid with his wand and fell through into the memories before he had any chance to regret his actions.

He instantly recognized his surroundings. He was standing in the Great Hall at – Hogwarts!

*quote*

The long house tables were gone and replaced by hundreds of individual exam tables. Harry scanned the heads of all the students, Snape must be here somewhere, or perhaps he is a teacher. But no, sitting right behind Harry was a greasy haired teenaged version of Snape. He had his head bent low over his parchment so that his black hair veiled his face and skimmed the paper. His hooked-nose was so close to the desk that Harry thought it also might be skimming the parchment.

Harry stepped to the side to read the title on Snape's page – _DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS – ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL _– That meant Snape would be about Harry's age. Harry tried to glance at some of Snape's writing but his hand was flying so fast across the parchment and the tiny cramped writing was impossible to read at this distance.

"FIVE MINUTES REMANING!" was shouted from the front of the hall and Harry looked up to see a younger Professor Flitwick, although he still had the same squeaky voice.

From there a messy mop of black hair caught his eye. It was just like his own hair... Harry moved so fast through the rows it felt like he glided right over desks until he was staring down at none other than a young James Potter, his father! Harry felt his heart leap at the sight of the man. Their similarities were undeniable. Harry felt like he was looking in a mirror except for his father's hazel eyes and slightly longer nose.

James was rereading his parchment, but finally set it down and started scribbling on a scrap paper. He glanced up at Flitwick as he purposely rumpled his hair and turned around to wave to a student about four seats back…

Sirius…

Harry's heart gave another leap. The young version of Sirius Black was so much younger, as if the last twenty years had really aged the man. He was extremely good looking, with his black hair being more tidy and framing his structured face. He was lounging in his chair in a relaxed and suave sort of manner, which did not go unnoticed by some of the girls in the room, who were openly gawking at him. He gave James a thumbs up.

If they were both here then that meant Remus should be nearby and sure enough, Harry found him a few seats over from Sirius. He was still engulfed in his paper and was looking quite pallid. Perhaps the full moon was approaching.

A few seats behind Remus, Harry found Wormtail and gave him a scowl even though he couldn't be seen. He was as rat-like as ever and nervously trying to glance at his neighbor's paper while he gnawed on his fingernail.

Before Harry had a chance to look over the four marauders anymore, Flitwick called time and accio-ed everyone's parchments. Harry watched as Snape stalked out of the hall still engrossed in his exam question paper. James was waiting for Sirius and the others to catch up with him before they also exited the Great Hall. A large group of girls separated them from Snape and Harry planted himself right in the midst of these girls so he could still keep an eye on his father.

"So Moony, How did you like question 10?" Harry heard Sirius ask as they walked out the entrance hall and into the grounds.

"It was an excellent question. Give five signs to identify a Werewolf. I think I might have gotten them all," Remus answered in mock concern. James and Sirius laughed but Wormtail had an anxious look.

"I don't think I got the last two," he squeeked.

"Merlin Wormtail, you run around with a Werewolf, how can you not know," Sirius answered.

Harry watched as the group sat under one of the beech trees by the lake that he, Ron, and Hermione had also frequented. Thankfully he saw Snape, still completely engrossed in his exam paper, sit in the shadow of some bushes a short distance away. It gave Harry the chance to continue his observations of his father.

James had pulled a little golden snitch out of his pocket and was allowing it to zoom a few feet away before snatching it out of the air. His reflexes were extraordinary and it was obvious where Harry got his own seeker skills. Wormtail watched in awe while Remus pulled out a book and ignored the obvious displays for attention. Sirius was lounging nonchalantly and beginning to look quite bored.

"Put that thing away, would ya," Sirius finally snapped.

Wormtail gave a slightly disappointed look but as if Sirius were the only one James cared to listen to, James shoved the snitch back in his pocket.

"If it bothers you that much," he replied. "Oh. I think I've found something to relieve you of your boredom Padfoot," James added as he inclined his head up the hill towards where Snape had just vacated his seat.

"Snivellus!" Sirius sneered quietly, an evil glint in his eye as him and James jumped to their feet. "Hey Snivellus, exam go alright?" He shouted.

Snape whipped around so fast Harry thought he was preparing for a Death Eater attack, but before he could draw his wand completely, James had shouted "_Expelliarmus!_", and Snape's wand shout out of his hand, landing a few yards away. He scrambled towards it but fell forward in vain as Sirius shouted "_Impedimenta!"_

The commotion had caught the attention of most of the students around the lake, some watching with trepidation while others seemed fascinated. A few had already laughed at the sight of Snape falling face forward onto the grass. It was obvious to Harry that Snape wasn't very popular either at present age or in youth.

James kept glancing over his shoulder back at the group of girls by the lake as they advanced on Snape. "You know it's rude, Snivellus, to completely ignore Sirius' question," James said sarcastically.

"I saw he had his greasy nose so far over his parchment it probably left stains all over it. Doubt they will even be able to grade it," Sirius added viciously.

As James and Sirius loomed over Snape he began vehemently ranting curse words at the two but he was helpless to retaliate with his arms locked in place still a few feet from his wand. "You wait…" he hissed.

"Now Snivellus, is that anyway to speak? Didn't your mother teach you anything?" James said and with a flick of his wrist, "_Scourgify!"_, bubbles began foaming out of Snape's mouth and the man began coughing and gagging.

"STOP IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

As James and Sirius spun to look for the person behind the voice Harry turned to look too. One of the girls from the group down by the lake had broken free and come closer. She had long voluminous red hair and her emerald green eyes sparkled with hatred. Her emerald green eyes… Harry's eyes…

It was his mother! Harry felt his jaw drop open at the sight of his mother but his attention was quickly turned back to his father.

James' eyes had softened a fraction and his voice had changed drastically when he next spoke. "All right, Evans?" He said while running his fingers through his hair.

"I said leave him alone," she replied coldly. "What's he done to you?"

"Well…" he said pointedly, "It's more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean…"

Sirius and Wormtail laughed along with many other students but Harry noted that Lupin chose to remain engrossed in his book and the statement certainly didn't bring any hint of humor to Lily's face.

"You think you're funny," Lily responded spitefully. "But you're just a bullying, arrogant jackass, Potter. Leave him _alone_!"

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on… Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

The current exchange left Sirius and James completely oblivious to their charge behind them as Snape inched towards his wand with the Impediment Jinx slowly wearing off.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," said Lily.

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, turning back to Snape. "OY!"

But it was too late as a Snape grabbed his wand and with a flash of light, a gash sliced James' cheek, splattering his robes with blood. James reacted immediately and with a second flash, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants.

The latter action garnered a light roar of laughter from the crowds watching.

"Let him down!" Lily said furiously, although her expression had twitched at a smile for a split second.

James smiled back at Lily, "Certainly," and with a swish of his wand Snape fell to a crumpled heap tangled in his own robes. He made quick work to stand and raise his wand but Sirius shouted _Petrificus Totalus!_", and Snape fell to the ground, straight as a board.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted, finally drawing her wand, which Sirius and James eyed warily.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the countercurse.

"There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Snape spat.

Lily blinked. "Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him.

"I don't want _you_ to make him apologize," Lily shouted, rounding on James. "You're as bad as he is…"

"What?" yelped James. "I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK." She turned on her heel and hurried away.

"Evans!" James shouted after her, "Hey, EVANS!"

But Lily didn't look back.

"What is with her?" said James, trying and failing to look as though this was a throwaway question of no real importance to him.

"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," said Sirius.

"Right," said James, who looked furious now, "right—"

With another flash of light, Snape was again hanging upside down by his ankles.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?" James jeered.

Harry never saw the answer to that question as he felt a vice-like hand grip his left bicep. He whirled around horror-struck, staring straight into the face of a much older and very real, Severus Snape.

The man looked absolutely livid and with a painful yank to Harry's arm the memory dissolved around the both of them and Harry felt his feet slam back into the floor of the study. Harry could feel the man shaking with rage as he gripped Harry's arm ever tighter.

"Having fun, Potter?" Snape hissed through clenched teeth.

The professor was absolutely frightening. Harry had never seen him this angry. The man's face was possibly paler than ever before and his black eyes had narrowed to tiny pin holes, boring through Harry's own.

"Entertaining man, your father, wasn't he? Always the life of the party," spat Snape, shaking Harry enough to cause the boy to trip back a step.

"I – No- Uhh…" Harry was trembling with fear and at a complete loss for words.

Snape forcefully threw Harry away from him where Harry fell hard onto the study floor. "You will not speak about what you saw to anyone!" Snape roared as he advanced on Harry, who in turn only scrambled backwards.

"N-no Sir," Harry managed to stutter out as he quickly got to his feet with as much distance as possible from the professor. "I won't—"

"Get out! GET OUT NOW!" Snape yelled and advanced even more threateningly.

Harry streaked from the room, his heart pounding and his head racing.

*end quote*

Before he knew it he was safe in the confines of his room or well, as safe as he could be seeing as how he was still in the man's house.

He didn't know what to think. Everything he had seen was rushing through his head and he was so distressed by the behavior of both his father and godfather. Everyone always told Harry his father was such a great man, but from those memories, Harry didn't seem to think so. And god, how could his mother ever end up liking that man, when she so obviously detested him when they were fifteen.

Harry had been pacing his room and barely noticed his cheeks damp with tears. His father had been a bullying jackass just like his mother had said in the memory. His father was no better than Dudley or any of the other bullies Harry had to put up with all his life. No wonder Snape hated him. No wonder Snape hated Harry. And now the professor would most certainly never forgive him. They had come so far over the last few weeks, finally managing to be civil towards each other, and it seemed as though the professor was even slightly proud of Harrys' achievements.

Now… the professor would loath Harry for the rest of his life for invading his privacy like that and witnessing one of the man's worst memories. Snape had been absolutely enraged. And worst of all, the professor acted like Harry probably found the whole thing funny. Harry didn't find anything remotely funny about the entire situation. He had to apologize. No matter how furious the professor was, Harry was a bloody Gryffindor and he was brave enough to face the man's wrath. He had to convince the man he had come to respect that he didn't approve of his father's behavior.

Harry scrubbed viciously to remove any remnants of tears and then unconsciously ran his fingers through his hair only to be furiously reminded of the same gesture performed by his father so many years ago. With that thought in mind Harry knew he had to do this, even if the professor literally throttled him. He had to apologize. He had to tell him he didn't think of Snape like his father did, at least not anymore.

-SS-

Hesitantly, Harry inched open the study door and peered inside. Snape was clenching a glass tumbler so hard his knuckles were turning white while he paced by the desk.

Harry felt his whole body tremble, but resolved his nerves and took a deep breath. "Sir, you have to let me apologize," he said quickly.

Snape whirled around to face Harry. "I don't have to LET you do anything Potter!" Snape seethed, obviously just as furious as before. "Get. Out. Of. My. Sight."

"P-please Sir –"

"I SAID GET OUT," Snape bellowed.

At the sight of pure hatred in Snape's eyes, Harry spun on his heel just as the tumbler shattered against the back of the door. He shot through the entryway and straight out the front door. He took the man's words at face value and just started running. Snape would never forgive him and then he would have to go back to Grimmauld Place to explain how he failed everyone. He wished he could just run away from everything, from Voldemort and Occlumency, from Cedric's death and the stupid Ministry not believing him, from the pressure of having to succeed and the angry professor, from the Dursleys and all the pain they inflicted upon him, and from the memories of his father, just a big bully.

The afternoon air felt refreshing and run he did. He tore all the way down the front stone path and past the property line until he was out on a cobblestone road. He turned right and kept running, his Quidditch cloak billowing out behind him.

_TBC…_

Sorry about the evil cliffhanger but I'm writing pretty quickly so you can't be too mad.

Next up: What did Harry get himself into?

Leave me some love - Mara


	9. Chapter 9 What Have I Done?

**A/N: Again I don't own any of the characters or the world they live in, just messing around with the plot line. Don't sue me. **

**Thanks: **For all the amazing reviews, I really loved them.

**Warning:**__I have to make a warning of possible OOC. Also, based on a few reviews perhaps I should change the summary of the story. I didn't intend to mislead anyone and I'm sorry if the story isn't going in the direction that you hoped so I probably didn't explain myself well enough in the beginning. I know the whole premise of Harry being abused and then rescued by Snape and then developing some sort of father-son relationship has already been done by a lot of great authors but that is what this story is about. I didn't mean to imply that I would have this spectacularly unique story. I just simply wanted to write the story exactly the way I saw it developing in my head. Or rather, the events I believe would have needed to happen to push Snape and Harry together. With that said, I will in no way be offended if you discontinue reading as I know we all have personal preferences in fanfic genres and subjects.

Now on with the show…

_From the last chapter:_

_The afternoon air felt refreshing and run he did. He tore all the way down the front stone path and past the property line until he was out on a cobblestone road. He turned right and kept running, his Quidditch cloak billowing out behind him. _

**Chapter 9 – What Have I Done?**

Harry streaked down the cobblestone path along some rolling fields, across a small bridge, and finally into a more wooded area before the stitch in his side was too much and he had to slow to a walk. He was gasping for air, but kept moving forward.

_God, what have I done? What am I going to do now? _

When he had bolted from the house he hadn't really thought about where he was going. He had no idea where Snape even lived. And now he had absolutely no means of transportation, having left his broom in the study where the extremely irate professor still was and completely forgetting about the Knight Bus.

As he finally started to get his breathing back to normal he realized his face was flushed with sweat and his eyes had been tearing a little. It seemed like he had cried more in the last couple weeks than he had his whole life.

How could his father do that? Be so cruel? Harry was so ashamed of the man. Now more than ever, his whole life felt like a lie. Sirius seemed disappointed he wasn't more like his father and Snape hated him for being too much like the man. Harry wished he wasn't even related to the guy.

"ARGHH," Harry let out a scream of frustration just as he rounded a bend in the road. He had come to a lopsided intersection and found himself standing between a creepy little white church and a barn that looked like it would fall down if you touched it wrong. On the opposite two corners were some dilapidated houses. Although the entire place seemed deserted, the church appeared as though it had been occupied recently and did have a fresh coat of paint. Harry figured people must live around here somewhere. Wherever here is.

He stood on the edge of the intersection, the summer breeze whipping his hair and billowing his cloak to the side. The road signs read Plutarch and Black Creek, probably that swampy area he passed on the bridge.

_Now What? _he thought frustratingly. The place was kind of creepy. All the buildings were so close to the road, Harry was starting to feel claustrophobic even though he was outside and he got a really bad vibe from the place. The one house was so overgrown with brush and the other one looked deserted as well but Harry couldn't be sure no one lived there. The barn had hardly any paint on it and what was left was faded to a strange ecru, making it impossible to distinguish what the original color had even been.

As if in answer to his earlier question, two boys popped out from behind one of the houses.

"And what do we have here," scoffed the taller boy, although both were taller than Harry. He had shaggy brown hair and was wearing dirty jeans and a white t-shirt. Harry figured the boys were a couple years older than him, probably seventeen or eighteen.

"Looks like a freak if you ask me," the other boy answered. He had lighter, sandy colored hair that was shorter and spiked up and wore ripped blue jeans and a red t-shirt.

"Yeah, looks like he's lost, mate. We'd better teach him a lesson don't ya think?" said the first boy.

Harry instinctively gripped his wand tightly in his cloak pocket and took a few steps backwards.

The boys advanced on Harry extremely quickly and he found himself backed against the dilapidated barn.

"Look guys, I don't want any trouble," Harry stammered.

"Aww, the poor baby, I think he's scared, Jess," the sandy-haired boy said to the taller one.

Jess, the taller boy, grabbed Harry by the front of his cloak and slammed him up against the barn door, his head connecting with the wood behind him with a loud thud and his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose a bit.

"Look at this get-up Colin. What's this freak wearing? A robe? Hah," both boys laughed as Jess tightened his grip in Harry's robes.

"Alright, empty your pockets punk," said Colin.

"I don't have any money," Harry said quickly, which was the truth. "Honest-"

He didn't quite get that last word out as Jess' fist connected with his jaw, sending his head flying sideways into one of the latches on the barn door. A sharp pain seared through his temple around his right eye and he heard a tiny snap in the side of his glasses. Thankfully they didn't break completely but sat somewhat lopsided on his face.

"Now, we're not gonna ask you again," Jess growled.

A million thoughts ran through Harry's now throbbing head. He could feel something warm trickling down the side of his temple and the metallic taste of blood in his mouth where his lip hit his teeth. _Merlin, I am so stupid! How did I get myself into this mess?_ He knew he couldn't use magic but that didn't mean he couldn't threaten it. Maybe a threat would give him just enough to get a head start to sprint away.

"Look at the scar on the freak's head," Colin said while laughing some more.

The last comment confirmed Harry's determination and he shoved the older boy away from him as hard as he could while quickly pulling his wand as if ready for a duel. Perhaps a bit of his accidental magic kicked in Harry thought as he noted the older boy was thrown a few feet farther from him than should have been possible.

"I don't want any trouble," Harry bit out again.

The boys looked startled for a second, perhaps concerned that Harry was a bit mentally unstable, but then they both started to laugh.

"Oooo, look, the little baby has a big scary stick Colin. We better watch out," Jess finally spoke up.

Harry's wand shook in his trembling hand, but right then an abnormally icy wind blew through the intersection and the sky turned ominously dark for a summer afternoon. A shiver ran down Harry's spine both from the cool wind blowing on his sweat-soaked clothes and the feeling of despair that was starting to overcome him.

The boys looked at each other and back to Harry.

"Wh-What did you do?" Colin stuttered.

"Make it stop," Jess said angrily, trying to hide his fear.

"It wasn't me," Harry hissed. "It's… dementors," he finished with a whisper as if speaking too loud might attract them quicker.

Harry was all too familiar with this feeling, all the warmth and love and life just being sucked right out of you.

The two boys stumbled backwards, but only made it half way across the intersection before collapsing. Harry watched horror-struck as three dementors drifted across the road coming straight for them.

"Expecto Patronum," Harry shouted, trying desperately to think of a happy memory.

A brilliant white stag erupted from the tip of his wand and charged at the dementors already leaning over the two boys. The two terrible beings retreated, but the third darted to the side and continued its path straight to Harry.

He made the vital error of focusing on helping the two boys and allowing the lone dementor to get too close. The closer it got, the louder the memory of Harry's father drummed in his head. He lost his concentration on the Patronus and it flickered before vanishing from sight.

The dementor advanced much quicker now, gliding toward Harry silently save for its rattled breathing. It reached out a decrepit, brittle hand towards Harry and his father's taunting turned into Dudley and Uncle Vernon yelling freak at him. The screaming of more and more people was filling his head. He tried desperately to raise his wand, but he couldn't manage to force any sound through his lips.

Harry slid to the ground with his back pressed up against the barn. He had let that lone dementor break his concentration and now, it seemed, all hope was lost.

-SS-

Snape paced his study visciously ranting off curse words about Harry.

The boy was exactly like his father, a little brat, breaking into his private memories. Potter had absolutely no right and therefore no excuse. In Severus' eyes there was no acceptable apology.

He hated this particular memory for more than one reason and for the same multiple reasons, he never wanted Harry to see it, nor did he want to be forced to relive it himself. Potter just managed both!

The boy got to see some of the more colorful ways his precious father and godfather tortured Snape throughout school. Maybe Harry would pick up some good techniques or at the very least, Snape's least favorite nickname. Severus was sure Harry would love to share this last bit of information with his fellow Gryffindors.

But the worst part of this memory was that it was the memory where Severus ruined everything with Lily. She had stood up for him when no one else would. She had even stood up to James. And in hindsight, Severus could be less embarrassed about being defended by a girl and more alert to the fact that Lily seemed to despise James. But Severus ruined everything. He called Lily that horrible name. He drove her away. He drove her straight to James.

Lily could have been his. She could have been here right now, with him, sharing this house. And Harry could have been their child. _How things could have been different. _It all could have been his.

Snape was abruptly interrupted from his wallowing thoughts by the property alarms and even though the signal indicated that someone had left rather than broke in, he instinctively drew his wand.

"Marla," he called sharply and with a loud crack the little house elf appeared. He didn't even let her finish a greeting before he continued. "Where's Potter?" he ground out through clenched teeth.

If that ridiculous child took him literally and actually left, he was going to throttle the boy as soon as he found him.

"I sees him running down the front walk, Master Severus," the elf squeaked.

The professor let out a low growl as he spun away from Marla and dashed out of the house after the boy. He reached the road with a mixture of anger at Harry's stupidity and panic at the idea of losing the child while he was responsible. Severus certainly didn't need the wrath of Dumbledore, Black, and the entire Weasley clan. If he were going to end this training, it at least needed to be done diplomatically, not with Potter running away.

He used a quick Point-Me spell and making a quick estimate of the head start Harry had, apparated a couple miles down the road to the right.

Severus felt the climate difference immediately and cast his Patronus without question. Why there would be dementors here was something he would have to mull over later. If Harry was attacked by a dementor and anything happened to the boy, surely Severus wouldn't have to worry about dying at the hands of the Dark Lord, Dumbledore would finish the job first.

His eyes surveyed the intersection noticing first the two dementors retreating down one road before falling on the two boys collapsed off to his right. Severus felt a tightening in his chest at the sight of the prone forms before realizing neither were Harry. Still the tightening didn't loosen. The air was far too stale. Another dementor or dementors must be around. He spun in his spot, quickly searching the rest of the area for Harry.

His eyes locked onto the decrepit being leaning over someone pinned against the barn. With a flick of his wrist, Severus' doe galloped straight for the pair just as the dementor started to lower its hood.

The effect of the Patronus was instantaneous and the foul being withdrew to reveal a small child huddled into a ball, desperately clutching his wand.

"Potter," Snape shouted as he ran towards the figure.

Snape received no response save for the shuddering sobs that trembled through the boy's entire body. Severus wasn't sure if Harry was even conscious, knowing the effect the dementors usually had on him.

"Potter!" he shouted again as he crouched down and grabbed Harry's shoulder, shaking it firmly to get a better look at the child causing Harry's glasses to finally slide off the bridge of his nose, landing in his lap before Severus snatched them up.

The boy looked awful. His face was soaked with sweat although all the color had completely drained from his cheeks. There was blood dripping down the side of his temple, a swollen lip, and a purple bruise starting to form around his eye which stood out drastically against his ghostly face. But what he saw in Harry's eyes when the boy finally looked up, unnerved Severus to no end.

To Severus, those were Lily's eyes, and they shone with fear and hopelessness. But worst of all, they held the same emotion Lily's flashed with so many years ago when Severus called her that horrible name. It was something more akin to desolation.

Severus unknowingly brought his hand up to wipe some of the blood from Harry's face with his thumb. At least the child was still conscious, Severus thought. They had to get back to the safety of his wards.

"I-I'm sorry.." Harry stuttered. "I c-couldn't hold it," he added, referring to his own Patronus.

"Potter, it doesn't matter. We have to go. Get up," Snape said hurriedly as he grabbed Harry's shoulder again.

"Wh-what about them," Harry managed to mumble out while pointing at the two unconscious boys about twenty feet away.

Severus quickly craned his neck in the direction Harry was pointing, fearing more dementors were coming, before he realized Harry meant the two teens.

"Yes, I will have to deal with them," Snape said almost to himself. He gripped Harry's bicep and yanked the boy to his feet. Although practically dead weight, he was still extremely light. He threw Harry's left arm around his shoulder and dragged the child over to the teens so he could Obliviate their memories.

Harry's head lolled from side to side as he barely stood by Snape.

"Potter, we have to apparate," Snape said, and with that they twisted on the spot and appeared back by Snape's property line.

Severus tried to keep a firm hold on Harry, but he twisted away violently when they landed and fell onto his hands and knees, obviously about to be sick.

"No Potter, we need to get through the wards," Severus said almost desperately as he grabbed Harry by the arm again and dragged him a few feet past the stone wall. Once he felt the wards pass, he let Harry drop back to his knees to throw up, unconsciously keeping a hand placed on his shoulder to steady the child.

The contents of Harry's stomach were emptied into the grass. The screaming and hopelessness that had filled his head were gone, but the remnants of the dementors combined with apparating, left him feeling nauseous and clammy, and his whole body shook with tremors.

Harry finally finished coughing and sputtering before slumping into the man's leg. If not for the hand on his shoulder helping ground him a little, he would have fallen over completely.

Severus closed his eyes for a second and rubbed his face with his free hand. The tightness in his chest had finally released after knowing him and Harry were safe within his own wards. He was quickly processing everything that occurred in the last five minutes.

_Why were Dementors in Westerdale? Or perhaps the better question was WHO sent Dementors to Westerdale? And now the Ministry certainly knows where the boy is if he cast a Patronus. The day gets better and better by the second, _Severus thought sarcastically. He knew it was by no coincidence that Harry and Dementors found themselves in the same town.

He could clearly see that the dementors had drained Harry of any energy. He would need some chocolate and a pain-reliever for his head. Severus gripped Harry's arm and pulled him to his feet, throwing Harry's arm over his shoulder in a similar fashion to earlier. He proceeded to half carry half drag the child back to the house.

"J-just leave me here," Harry barely whispered through his heavy breathing. "I'm… I'm gonna be sick again."

"You'll feel better when we get inside Potter," Snape said as he wandlessly magicked the front door open and pulled Harry up the steps into the foyer where a worried house elf was waiting.

"Marla, we will need some chocolate please," Snape said in the elf's direction as he continued into the study and eased Harry down onto the couch. He quickly repaired Harry's glasses and sat them on the coffee table.

Snape turned back to Marla for the chocolate as Harry slumped to his side on the couch, pulling his knees into his body.

Severus stood looking down on Harry. The child was visibly trembling and there was still blood slowly dripping down his head. Severus hated seeing the boy like this, physically hurt and emotionally broken, when it was because of his own negligence. He didn't particularly like seeing the boy hurt in any situation, but it made it a thousand times worse knowing he was the reason Harry fled the manor in the first place.

_Merlin, Lily what have I done? I'm supposed to protect him, not put him in harm's way, _Severus thought to himself.

He sat on the edge of the couch by Harry's head and tried to prop the child up a little. "Potter, you need to eat this. It will help," he said in a soft, but stern voice. It wasn't a potion he could force feed the boy so he really needed a little cooperation here.

Harry let out a low groan, but tried to hold himself more upright with Snape's help. He felt the professor press something into his hand and popped it into his mouth without question. As he chewed on the small piece of chocolate a faint bit of warmth started to radiate throughout his body.

Severus watched as Harry chewed and swallowed the small piece of chocolate he gave him. Harry would need a lot more than that and he immediately broke off another little chunk when he saw that Harry was finished with the first piece. He placed the second bit in Harry's hand and watched him pop that into his mouth as well.

The second piece of chocolate made a marked improvement in Harry's composure and Snape assumed it was safe to leave him on the couch without fear that he would fall back over. He left his perch to find a pain-reliever potion for the boy, but was stopped in his tracks by an owl zooming into the room.

More feeling was coming back to Harry as he sat dejectedly with his shoulders hunched. He assumed the blurry owl was for Snape and chose to ignore it only to be startled when a letter fell into his lap.

Severus watched as Harry grabbed his glasses, cramming them back onto his head and ripped open the letter with shaky fingers. The boy's eyes zipped back and forth down the page, growing increasingly larger by the second.

Harry let the letter fall from his hands as he stared in shock at the floor in front of him. "I'm expelled," he gasped out more to himself than to Snape.

It took a second for Severus to register the words Harry spoke before he rushed back to the couch. "What are you talking about?" He asked Harry while he snatched up the letter. By the empty look on the boy's face, he would get an answer faster by reading the parchment himself.

It was an official Ministry letter and Severus scanned it quickly. _…two incidents of under-aged magic this summer… in the presence of muggles… hereby expelled from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry… Ministry officials will be dispatched to your place of residence immediately… your wand will be snapped in half…_

"Unbelievable," Snape hissed to himself, in a similar state of shock as Harry, although for entirely different reasons.

It was looking clearer and clearer to Severus that the Ministry might have planned this entire incident. The Dark Lord had yet to gain complete control of the Dementors although it was most definitely in his future plans. No, the Dementors were still well within the control of the Ministry and based on this letter, without even a hearing, they were expelling the boy. It was most definitely planned. Now the question was who?

Harry had finally gotten out of his state of shock and leapt from the couch, finding energy neither of them knew he had and gripping his wand as if his life depended on it. "I have to leave," he said frantically, his eyes darting around the room trying to formulate a plan. "I can't just sit here and wait for them!"

"Potter, sit down!" Snape said in a slightly annoyed tone. He needed to work all this out and a frantic Harry Potter would not help the situation.

"Are you crazy? I can't just sit around waiting for them to come SNAP my wand. They might as well hand me over to Voldemort," Harry yelled in return, gesturing madly with his arms.

"Potter, they are not coming. Now SIT. DOWN," Snape fired back while grabbing Harry by the shoulders.

Harry immediately threw Snapes' arms off him, completely losing his temper. "THE LETTER SAYS THEY ARE COMING! YOU CAN'T STOP THEM!" Harry screamed through heavy breaths.

Before Snape could reply again another owl zoomed into the study. Harry went to grab the letter but the owl swooped around his hand and flew straight to Snape, dropping the parchment into his waiting hand.

Hastily, Snape ripped the letter open and scanned it.

_Severus, Don't let Harry leave the wards again. –Albus_

He let out a small snort at the stupidity of Dumbledore. Did he think Snape was completely incompetent?

"What does it say?" Harry asked desperately.

"That you are not to leave. Now calm down," Snape said impatiently.

"NO. This is unbelievable. How can you expect me to just sit here and let them come and destroy my wand? I won't! I can't just wait for them," Harry said as fiercely as he could muster. Everything was quickly taking a toll on him and exhaustion was obviously taking over, but he wouldn't give in.

Snape grabbed Harry's shoulders more vigorously so the boy couldn't just shrug him off. "POTTER! They are not going to destroy your wand because-"

"HOW CAN YOU-" Harry tried to cut in.

"SHUT UP AND LISTEN!" Snape yelled over him while giving Harry a forceful shake. "They are NOT coming because they do not know where HERE is! No one knows where here is aside from a few select people. Do you HONESTLYthink as a spy that I would give either Death Eaters or the Ministry my actual address? They believe I live at my parent's former home. This Manor is unplottable and while we are within the wards, we are untraceable, with a special ward to allow mail to be routed here," Snape finally finished while still firmly gripping Harry's shoulders incase he tried to make a run for it.

Harry quickly tried to process everything Snape had just said as the floo flared green and Sirius stepped through immediately followed by Remus. Harry just stared dumbly at them, still trying to grasp the idea that although he might be suspended, he was safe from losing his wand.

"What the hell is going?" Sirius yelled as he took in the scene before him, Snape manhandling his godson while Harry had a fat lip, black eye, and blood dripping down his face. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM," he roared as he rushed toward the two figures and ripped them apart, causing Harry to stagger backwards, still unsteady on his feet. Luckily Remus was there to prevent Sirius from hauling off and punching Snape.

Severus gave Sirius a scowl, knowing exactly what it looked like from the mutt's point of view but despising the insinuation that he would ever hit Harry. "I don't recall inviting you into my home Black," he hissed.

"You son of a bitch! If you ever lay a hand on Harry again, so help me!" Sirius growled.

Remus had to physically restrain his friend as they stood between the professor and Harry. "Sirius, let them explain," he tried to reason with his friend.

"LET HIM EXPLAIN?" Sirius bellowed, still trying to break free from Remus' hold on his arms.

It had taken Harry a few minutes to catch up to the conversation. His mind had still been stuck on the Ministry letter and he had completely forgotten about his injuries, which based on Sirius' reaction had given the newcomers the completely wrong idea.

"STOP IT!" Harry shouted, abruptly gathering everyone's attention.

"Harry, don't defend that greasy bastard," Sirius said as he turned to his godson, getting a better look at Harry's appearance and becoming even more furious.

Harry was shaking his head and rubbing at his face with his hands trying to gather his thoughts. He felt physically and emotionally drained and the effects of the Dementor were overwhelming him. He was still worried about being expelled, but now he had this whole incident to explain to Sirius and Remus and prove that Snape didn't hurt him. And on top of all that he was now reminded of the stupid memory of his father that caused the whole situation in the first place.

"Listen Harry, we know you left the wards. Arthur told us a report came through for you on under-aged magic. Just tell us what happened," Remus pleaded in the calmest manner he could find. Harry looked so scared and hurt and he wanted to just gather the boy in his arms, but didn't dare let go of Sirius yet.

No sooner than Remus finished speaking did Sirius chime in. "Harry, you can tell us what he did, he can't hurt you again," he said fiercely as he ripped himself from Remus' grip to approach his godson.

Behind the trio Snape kept up his cool façade, although he was seething on the inside at the accusations. He opted to remain silent, allowing Harry to correct the two marauders, knowing they wouldn't have believed him even if he did speak up.

Sirius reached out a hand to Harry's arm but Harry threw it off. "NO Sirius, stop it! Snape didn't do this! It was my fault. I left the wards. Okay?" Harry yelled back frustratingly.

"No Harry, it's not OKAY!" Sirius yelled trying to reach out to Harry as Harry sidestepped his hand again.

"FOR THE LAST TIME SIRIUS, SNAPE DIDN'T DO THIS!" Harry yelled as he gestured wildly at his bruised and bloody face.

Remus hastily jumped into the conversation. "Alright Harry, alright. Why did you leave the house?"

"Why? WHY?" Harry ranted incredulously. "Because I saw the memory of you guys in school, where my dad thought it was HILARIOUS to be a bloody bully," Harry ground out. Sirius was so quick to blame Snape that it infuriated Harry how they had bullied the man in school.

"Harry, what are you talking about," Sirius asked, obviously confused. He had instantly assumed Snape had attacked Harry and this was the reason his godson left the safety of the wards.

"My _father_ attacked Snape for no reason. You act like he," pointing at Snape, "was so awful to all of you, but the only thing I saw was the complete opposite," said Harry.

"Potter, don't flatter your father or Black. The behavior was reciprocal," Snape finally spoke up.

Harry was shaking his head and pulling on his hair again as if in complete disbelief over everything and Sirius turned back to Snape for an answer.

"What did you show him," the animagus snarled at Snape. "Trying to turn him against his own father!"

"IS ANYONE EVEN LISTENING TO ME?" Harry screamed quickly regaining Sirius' attention before Snape could even reply. "I don't care what Snape did on any other eff-ing day! The day I saw, my _father_ attacked him with absolutely no reason except for the fact that YOU were bored. And you know what Sirius? It made me SICK! I don't want to ever be anything like that man! And what my mother ever saw in him is beyond me!"

"Harry-" Sirius desperately tried to cut in.

"NO! I've had to put up with pricks like him my whole life. My mother was right. He was just a _bullying jackass_!" As Harry finished his rant he fled from the room leaving three completely shocked adults.

_TBC…_

Next up: Explanations and Apologies

This was my absolute favorite chapter to write so I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I have.

Leave me some love- Mara


	10. Chapter 10 Changes in Perception

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own the characters or anything and am not making any money, just having fun.

**A/N:** So you guys are amazing, like over twenty reviews for one chapter. It makes me so happy! Maybe we can hit 100 this chapter. Thanks to everyone who leaves a review, put the story on their alerts or favorites, or who is just enjoying reading.

**Warning:** So my warning for the next few chapters is that some of you may not like the way I go with Sirius' character but my reason is simply that I like him. I always liked his character because I feel like he actually did care for Harry, although I agree with some of the reviews that he should be a bit unstable and maybe not the most in control of his own emotions. But we do have to give the poor guy a break, he spent like ten years in Azkaban. Anyways, so that is the reasoning behind his actions in my story. I see him as definitely caring about Harry but perhaps not handling things in the right way.

Anyways, I worked hard to get this out for you guys before I left for my parents house for Thanksgiving. Have a wonderful holiday to all those who celebrate it in the U.S. and just have a wonderful Monday to everyone else. I won't have internet access there for the week but I will have my laptop, so another chapter should be out this coming weekend. Again, you guys are the greatest! :)

_From the last chapter…_

"_NO! I've had to put up with pricks like him my whole life. My mother was right. He was just a bullying jackass!" As Harry finished his rant he fled from the room leaving three completely shocked adults. _

**Chapter 10 – Changes in Perception**

And that was the pivotal moment for Severus. In that moment Harry ceased to be any resemblance to James Potter, the child had the heart and soul of Lily Evans. Severus had sorely misjudged him all these years.

Not only did Harry stand up for Severus, much like Lily did in that memory, but he did so to Sirius Black, the closest thing Harry had to family, and even after Severus had treated Harry so poorly.

Of course he should have known Harry would take his words at face value, but that was honestly not what Severus intended. He was furious with the entire situation and reminded of too many emotions he thought had been locked away. It was wrong of him to take it all out on Harry. Naturally the boy would be curious about the Pensieve and want answers as Albus and Severus were purposely keeping things from him.

But Severus did have to admit the look on Black's face right now was priceless.

Thankfully at least the werewolf had the intelligence to chase after the child, Severus thought. Someone needed to go after Harry and if not for precedents he would have been tempted to do it himself.

Sirius, on the other hand, just stared dumbstruck after his godson trying to figure everything out. Finally he rounded on Snape drawing his wand. "Tell me how he got hurt," he growled.

"I've had enough accusations for one day Black," Snape hissed in reply as he turned his back to the animagus and walked to his potion's cabinet. _To hell with precedents! _"Marla," he called out.

The little house elf, who had made herself scarce during the ensuing argument, reappeared instantly at being called. "Yes Master Severus," she asked, looking up at him worriedly.

"Take these upstairs," Snape said as he handed her a vial of pain-reliever potion with a mild calming-draught, a jar of bruise balm, and the rest of the chocolate bar. "Make sure you see him drink the potion and tell him to stop packing if that is indeed what he is up to," he finished sarcastically, knowing Harry all too well.

Marla needed no further instruction. It would not be the first time she brought something up to Harry's room on Severus' request. She nodded her head in agreement and disappeared with a crack.

"Don't you walk away from me! I want to know why the hell my godson has blood dripping down his face and why you looked ready to thrash him when we walked in. And I don't give a damn if he invaded your privacy," said Sirius as he took an offensive step forward across the room. He had noted what Snape was doing but brushed it aside, too crazed about the idea of Snape laying a hand on Harry.

"If you were half as concerned about your godson as you claim to be _Black, _you would have already inquired about a pain-reliever. But evidently it is far more important to falsely accuse people than to see to his pain," Snape sneered as he too, took a menacing step back towards Sirius. He knew the man was concerned about his godson, but being accused of harming the child didn't sit well with Severus.

Sirius eyed Snape with pure loathing. "Falsely accuse? Then explain why the hell you had your hands on my godson. And I swear to god, if you've hurt one hair on his head, I'll kill you," said Sirius, his wand pointed threateningly at Snape's chest.

"You may think I'm a sadistic bastard but I DO NOT condone nor participate in child abuse," Snape replied angrily leveling his wand with Sirius'.

Both wizards were aware of the floo flaring up and the arrival of an elder wizard in brilliant violet robes, yet neither relinquished their stances.

"Gentlemen, I think that is ENOUGH," Dumbledore said firmly as he stepped between the two men. "I know we are all interested in some answers, Sirius, and I'm sure Severus would be happy to oblige," he said eyeing both men over his half-moon spectacles.

"No! I don't want to hear any excuse this man has," Sirius said irrationally. He turned to Dumbledore continuing his rant, "He hit Harry and I don't want him anywhere near my godson again."

"Oh, for the love of god, Black! If you were even the slightest bit concerned about Harry you would have chased after him like Lupin did," Snape said heatedly. He shouldn't let the mutt get to him so much, but the accusations were infuriating. And Merlin, when did the boy become _Harry_?

Neither man looked ready to lower their wands, so Dumbledore continued. "We will not get anywhere at this rate gentlemen." He wasn't quite sure what he walked into, only catching the last few comments by both men, but Sirius was livid over something he believed Snape had done. He turned to Snape as he seemed to be the more rational of the two at the moment. "Severus, why don't you kindly explain everything that happened," he said more as a command than a request. Severus' slip of the tongue had not gone unnoticed by the headmaster and his blue eyes twinkled madly at the Potions professor.

He detested the insinuations Sirius was making, but at the same time Severus felt a bit of relief at seeing how defensive the man was over his godson. Now, if only the mutt would have chased after the child. That was what Harry needed, to see and believe that people would stand up for him. Severus knew an all too familiar reason for not talking about abuse is the belief that no one cares, and based on Harry's childhood, it would be easy to understand how he came to that conclusion.

"It is humorous how I don't feel much obliged to speak while someone is pointing a wand at me in my own home," said Snape. He wasn't stupid and certainly wouldn't let his guard down while Sirius Black was itching to hex him.

Dumbledore flashed an exhausted smile while nodding his head and quickly turned to the other wizard. "Sirius," he said in an almost pleading tone, "the quicker we know the whole story, the quicker we can help Harry."

Obviously that last part struck a chord within the animagus and he lowered his wand. "Fine. Explain. But I make no promises to control myself afterwards," Sirius snapped, still eyeing Snape.

Snape rolled his eyes at the marauder before launching into everything he knew. "The boy viewed some memories in my pensieve without permission. Obviously I was irate and told him to leave the room."

Sirius looked like his blood was ready to boil and tried to interrupt but Dumbledore raised a hand to stop him.

"He came back within a few minutes to _apologize_ and again I requested that he leave my presence. Foolishly, he took my words at face value and fled the property. The wards alerted me to his departure and I… _followed_," Severus sneered this last word, again hinting that a proper adult would go after an upset child much like Lupin did earlier. "I found him a couple miles down. There were two teen-aged boys collapsed in the street and two dementors retreating from them. Another dementor was leaning over Potter, and in the process of lowering his hood. The boy already had the injuries to his head and I can only assume he had an altercation with the two teenagers," Snape finished matter-of-factly. "Satisfied?" He sneered while cocking an eyebrow.

"No! Either way, you let him get hurt and I won't believe a word of it until I hear it from Harry," Sirius answered heatedly.

Again Dumbledore raised a hand to silence the Order member. "Three dementors, Severus?"

Snape nodded his head.

"And indeed, Harry cast a corporeal Patronus, hence explaining the two retreating dementors." Again Snape nodded and Dumbledore continued. "Why then did one slip around it? Harry is quite proficient at that charm," Dumbledore asked almost to himself as if analyzing an intricate puzzle.

"My speculation is that he focused on saving the two boys first and foremost. He was quite a few yards from the teens. It would have allowed enough room for one Dementor to slip past his defenses and break his concentration," Snape said seriously.

"The real question is, who sent Dementors after the boy and how did they know he was here?" Snape continued.

"Yes, indeed," said Dumbledore in contemplation. "Well I have gotten the Ministry to assign him a hearing for the end of August to decide on his expulsion."

Snape nodded his head in approval. Of course Dumbledore would find a way around the boy being expelled. "Then we will need to let Lupin assimilate my memories to act as witness and corroborate the boy's story."

"Yes, he would work best, and the sooner the better," Dumbledore said, still obviously deep in thought over the entire situation. "Why don't you bring Remus and Harry down here, Severus. That way Sirius can speak with Harry -"

"Alone!" Sirius cut in.

"Yes, in private, where I'm sure he will corroborate Severus' story," Dumbledore finished.

Sirius was still glaring daggers at Snape, but both men nodded their heads in reluctant agreement and Snape swept from the room.

-SS-

Harry had sprinted from the room in another panic, much like when he fled the manor earlier, only this time he headed straight for his room. It was childish yes, but he was at a complete loss as to what to do, and so he went for the one place he felt safe. His room here in Snape's manor was one of the few places he felt he could really call his own. Snape had never bothered him about the bedroom and even referred to it as "his room". His bedroom at the Dursley's never felt like his, especially not after the brutal beatings he had received in said room. He would rather consider the cupboard there his own safe space than Dudley's spare room.

So yes, like a little child who had just broken their parent's favorite vase, Harry raced into his room, slammed the door and jumped into the bed pulling the covers up over his head. _Oh god what have I done? And how many times can I screw up in one day?_ He had just screamed at Sirius, the one person who had ever acted like they really wanted him. And what did Harry do? He screamed at the man saying that he was sickened by both his father and godfather. He really hadn't meant to say all that but he was just so worked up and everything came tumbling out.

Harry was abruptly interrupted from his self-pitying thoughts by a light knock on his door. Whoever it was it didn't matter, Harry couldn't face any of those men. He had most definitely insulted each of them in one way or another.

-SS-

Remus had watched Harry bolt from the room and immediately took after him. If Sirius and Snape were going to act like five-year olds, he didn't care if they killed each other. He knew like Severus, that someone needed to talk to Harry.

He had brushed past Sirius and sprinted up the stairs into the hall to catch the second door on the right slamming shut. If he had been any slower he wouldn't have had the slightest clue where Harry went. Now he found himself knocking lightly on the door, hoping Harry would let him in without having to force entry.

"Harry, please. We need to talk," he said softly through the door.

_Remus? _Harry thought he was probably the best out of the three, but he still had no desire to talk. All he wanted to do was hide in here for the rest of his life and make everything go away. Or maybe he could just take back the last few hours. Things had been going alright up until that point.

"Harry, I'm not mad with you, but we need to talk. I'm not going away, please open the door," Remus pleaded again.

Harry stayed curled into a ball under the covers and shook his head lightly, trying to rid his eyes of the tears that were starting to form. He hated talking about his feelings and that was surely what Remus would want to discuss. He felt like such an emotional wreck this summer and he had no idea what had unhinged him so much in comparison to the rest of his life. He was always good at handling the pressure. That's how he was raised, to handle everything himself. Why did everything all of a sudden seem to be too much? He hated it when people asked him if everything was alright, probably because he wasn't used to the question. But when people asked that it always seemed to force to the top, the fact that, no, everything was not alright. It was so much easier to hide his feelings when it appeared no one cared. Harry didn't quite know how to handle people that might actually care, or at least said they did. He still had a hard time believing they really meant it.

Harry heard the soft click of the door and light footsteps across the sitting room. He scrunched his eyes shut tighter in hope that it was all a bad dream until he felt the bed dip behind him. He flinched slightly when a hand was placed softly on top of the comforter where his shoulder was.

"Harry, are you alright," Remus asked softly, keeping his hand placed on the hidden form.

_There was that horrible question._

Remus could feel Harry trying to steady his breathing as the comforter rose and fell with each breath. He would wait all night if he had to, if it took that long for Harry to answer. He had to know what happened and how Harry got injured.

"I'm fine," Harry finally huffed out.

"Harry, you're hurt and I need to know how it happened. And I'm sure you want to talk about the memory you saw," Remus encouraged softly.

"Please, just leave me alone," Harry said desperately.

"No, I can't do that," he answered sincerely.

Harry was so exasperated. Why couldn't anyone respect what he wanted? "Fine," he said snappily, flinging the blankets and Remus' hand off him and pulling himself up to sitting, drawing his knees into his chest. No sooner than he had assumed the defensive position did he leap from the bed. "I should pack," he said frantically, pulling open his trunk.

Remus was startled by the sudden dash of movement. "Harry, what are you talking about? You're not going anywhere."

Harry didn't get a chance to explain as both men's attention turned to the little house elf appearing in the center of the room with a small tray.

"For Master Harry, Sir," Marla squeaked as she gazed lovingly up at Harry, having grown quite fond of the boy over the past few weeks.

He returned her gaze with a perplexed expression as his eyes roved over the items on the tray. He recognized the green vial of pain-reliever instantly, reminding him that a million little hammers were pounding in his head, and the jar was probably that bruise balm Snape had given him before. He was sure he had a nice shiner around one eye. And then the last item was -he shuddered involuntarily as the feeling of the dementors started to creep back up his spine- chocolate. Did Snape send this up for him? Maybe Sirius made him do it.

"Uhh, you can just leave it there, Marla," Harry finally said.

"Master Harry has to drink the potion first and stop packing," Marla said.

Harry gave the little elf another baffled look.

"Marla has strict instructions, Master Harry must drink the potion," she said sternly.

Remus couldn't help, but smile at Snape's blatant act of kindness. And now he wouldn't have to convince Harry he didn't need to pack either.

Harry on the other hand, had a hard time accepting Snape's gesture. Not that it was so un-Snape, even though it was, but Harry didn't think he deserved any kindness from the man after he had disrespected the professor so much. Obviously though, Marla would not fail her duties and Harry reached for the vial and downed it in one go.

Marla closed Harry's trunk and set the tray down on top of it before smiling warmly up at him. "If yous need anything," she said turning between Harry and Remus, "just call."

No sooner had she disappeared then there was a tapping at the window. Remus reached over and opened it to allow a small brown owl to fly over and drop a letter in Harry's hand. He torn it open in record speed and scanned the lines with a quizzical look.

"What is it?" Remus asked softly after a few minutes of silence.

"Guess I'm not expelled _yet_. They'll decide at a hearing," Harry said quietly in an unconvinced tone.

Remus watched Harry continue to stare indifferently at the parchment. He could still see the boy tremble every so often and figured it would be a good idea if he ate more chocolate. "Harry, please come have a seat so we can talk," he said warmly, gesturing to the spot Harry had vacated earlier.

Harry flashed a quick glance at Remus before he walked miserably over to the bed and resumed his defensive position, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his head on his arms. He was sitting as far away from Remus as possible.

This wasn't exactly what Remus was hoping for, but it was better than being hidden under the covers. Harry had his head tilted away enough that he couldn't see the worst of his injuries, but he knew they were still there. "How did you hurt your head? And may I take a look at it?" he asked softly. He wasn't a healer, but he could perform a simple spell to seal up the cut.

"I already told you, it wasn't Snape and it is fine," he said frustratingly. "These two kids stopped me and wanted money and when I didn't have any the one punched me, okay?"

"Alright," Remus said in surrender, deciding it would be best to let that subject rest for a second and attack the other one that was clearly on Harry's mind. "Then we need to discuss the memory you saw."

"I know what I saw Remus, so if you are going to try and convince me that it was a one-time thing and my father was really a stand-up guy, just save it," Harry answered bitterly.

"No, that's not what I was going to say. You're right, your father could be a bully at times. We were all very immature Harry. I won't deny that. But you do need to know that he did change. He did grow up," Remus said sincerely.

Harry closed his eyes, shaking his head lightly.

"Tell me what memory you saw," Remus requested.

After a few moments of silence Harry finally responded. "It was after your OWL's, out by the lake," he practically whispered.

Remus nodded his head in understanding. Everything Harry had said down in the study now made perfect sense, and of course he would have an awful opinion of his father based on that incident. It definitely had not been one of James or Sirius' shining moments. "Harry listen… I know that memory wouldn't give you a very good impression of us, but you have to understand that we were all very immature at the time-"

"I'm practically the same age Remus and I would never act the way my father did," Harry answered heatedly.

"I know Harry, but like I said we were immature. You've been through a lot more than any of us had at your age. Your father came from a great family and he always had whatever he wanted. It took all of us longer to grow up. We should have never acted like that. I know it's no excuse," he tried desperately to explain.

"It's not your fault, you didn't do anything Remus," Harry said sadly.

"That's exactly it, I didn't do _anything_. I just sat there and turned a blind eye to your father and Sirius. I was a prefect, probably so, to keep them in line, and yet I let them get away with that behavior. That's why you have to understand Harry, that everyone makes mistakes. And I swear, your father did grow up, he did change, and your mother did fall in love with him. He grew into a loyal, kind, amazing man, and you have to believe that. He would have done anything for your mother and you, and he did sacrifice his life for the both of you," Remus finished, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears at the memory of losing one of his best friends.

"I know," Harry said quickly. "And I didn't mean to dishonor his memory, honest," he said pleadingly, suddenly realizing how ungrateful he must sound. "I know he died for me, and Sirius has been great to me. He'll hate me now for saying all that terrible stuff…" Harry's voice trailed off as though he weren't finished speaking, but couldn't find the right words.

Remus shook his head in disbelief at Harry's fear. "No, Sirius would never hate you, don't ever think like that."

"I just can't believe they acted like that... I-" he swallowed thickly before he could continue, "- I just understand now why Snape hated them so much and I don't blame him for hating me," Harry finished despondently.

They were both startled by the voice across the room. "I do not hate you and never have. My behavior towards you was, however, inexcusable, and for that, I apologize," Severus said seriously from the doorway. The words came out of his mouth before he even realized what he was saying or who was in the room to witness. But he knew Harry needed to hear them and deserved to know that Severus meant them.

_TBC…_

Next up: The talks continue and _Memoria Absorbere_

Leave me some love – Mara


	11. Chapter 11 Small Amends

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own the characters or anything and am not making any money, just having fun.

**A/N:** You guys are the best! Over 100 reviews! How cool :) Thanks to all the great comments in regards to characters, I love hearing other opinions on character behavior and I'm glad a lot of you agree with my thoughts on Sirius. As mizz-shy-gurl so wonderfully put it, "He loves Harry so much he doesn't want anything to hurt him." He can't help it if he reacts the wrong way. Harry deserves lots of people to love him. Don't fret though, it is a Snape mentors Harry story, it just takes time.

**Warning:** Nothing really accept maybe a little OOC for Snape but I guess that's obviously going to pertain to the rest of the story.

_From the last chapter…_

_They were both startled by the voice across the room. "I do not hate you and never have. My behavior towards you was, however, inexcusable, and for that, I apologize," Severus said seriously from the doorway. The words came out of his mouth before he even realized what he was saying or who was in the room to witness. But he knew Harry needed to hear them and deserved to know that Severus meant them. _

**Chapter 11 – Small Amends**

Snape silently approved of the empty pain-reliever vial, but was a bit disappointed Remus hadn't cleaned up the child's face or gotten him to apply the bruise balm, as a nasty purple was spreading around Harry's right eye, and the chocolate bar looked untouched.

Harry stared up at the professor through strands of his messy black hair. He was startled by the interruption and even more so by the word's Snape spoke. Harry had no idea how to take them or what to say back. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be him, Harry thought.

Harry barely nodded his head in acknowledgement before launching into his own apology. "Sir I know you don't believe me, but I really am sorry for invading your privacy and I swear I didn't have any… malicious intent," he said quickly.

Snape arched his eyebrows at Harry's choice of vocabulary and had the situation been different probably would have allowed a smirk to flitter across his face. Instead he raised a hand to silence Harry's rambling. "You've apologized enough, Mr. Potter," he said seriously. "Now, your godfather is waiting for you downstairs, the kitchen I would presume, and the headmaster and myself need a moment of your time Lupin," he said turning to Remus, who flashed a confused expression. Snape inclined his head towards the opened Ministry letter lying on Harry's bed while elaborating, "You will need to assimilate my memories in order to act as witness at the hearing."

Now it was Harry's turn to flash an expression of confusion at Snape, only his expression was interlaced with anxiety. Severus understood the look instantly, but would wait to comment until after Remus had left the room.

"That sounds like an excellent plan, although I've never been through this procedure before, will it look authentic," Remus questioned Snape.

"The headmaster is quite proficient at the process," Snape replied as if that settled the matter. "He is waiting in the study and I'm sure you would like a word with Black before we begin."

Remus nodded his head recognizing Snape's confidence in Albus and his dismissal from the room. As he got up to leave, Harry did as well. "Harry, I will see you downstairs and remember what I said earlier," he said warmly, smiling at the child as he made his way across the room towards the door.

Harry barely shook his head in acknowledgement as he was about to make his way across the room, assuming that he too was meant to head downstairs before Snape stopped him in his tracks.

"Mr. Potter, have a seat," he said as he took deliberately slow steps towards Harry.

Harry swallowed thickly and didn't comply, instead frozen in place. He watched as Snape leant down and picked up the jar of bruise balm, before it finally clicked in Harry's head what Snape was going to do. "Sir, I can do that myself," he said clearly embarrassed, remembering the last time they were both in this sort of situation.

"I'm certain you can, but you have not, and now you have lost your privilege. Now, sit down," Snape said softly.

Harry dropped gloomily onto the edge of the bed and ducked his head to stare at the floor. He didn't particularly appreciate being treated like a child, but he couldn't blame the professor for not wanting him to go downstairs still bloody and bruised. And for some reason Snape's voice always left no room for argument although Harry had no problem refusing the same request from Remus.

"Mr. Potter, look at me please," Snape said firmly. He would not give the child any reason to flinch and Harry certainly needed to learn to get that assertive edge back.

Harry took in a deep breath and tilted his head upwards to stare into the professor's eyes. He was determined to match the man's gaze and not look away. He was a Gryffindor for god's sake.

_That was better_, Severus thought smugly as he watched the emerald eyes glitter. Slowly, he reached his hand towards Harry's face and softly grasped his chin. Never once did the child break eye contact. Snape tilted Harry's head to the side and lightly pulled off his glasses. He quickly cleansed and sealed the cut on Harry's forehead and with gentle fingers, applied the bruise balm as Harry finally lidded his eyes. He tilted Harry's chin and finished applying the balm to the other side of his face. Severus had the strange desire to continue holding Harry's chin while he explained that he had no intention of breaking Harry's confidence but opted against it, as it would definitely be overstepping their relationship.

As Harry felt his glasses replaced upon his nose and the hand leave his chin he opened his eyes to continue watching the professor's movements. For a moment he could barely tell the professor had been applying anything to the bruise around his eye. Harry wondered if that was what it felt like to have a parent. When Dudley was little his Aunt always attended to any wounds even if they were the tiniest scrape. Harry never received that soft touch, instead thrown in the cupboard to cry to himself. In fact the first time he had ever received any ministrations for any wound other than at school from Madame Pomfrey was when Snape healed him at the beginning of the summer. And the man was surprisingly gentle.

He watched the composed professor recap the jar of balm and set it on Harry's bedside table before reaching for the chocolate bar and breaking off another piece which he forced into Harry's hand.

"Eat that, and I expect the rest of this bar gone by the end of your talk with your godfather, unless you would prefer your entire dinner topped with chocolate syrup," he said seriously.

Harry saw the man's lip curl upward ever so slightly, realizing Snape was obviously kidding, and Harry did let a small smile flash across his own face. It was however, quickly replaced with trepidation as Snape continued speaking.

"Also," he eyed Harry carefully to make sure he had the boy's utmost attention, "in assimilating my memory of the event to Lupin, I assure you, he will see nothing else. I have no intention of going back on my word," he said earnestly.

Harry finally let go of the inside of his lip he was biting. "Thank you, Sir," he replied quietly.

Snape inclined his head. "Well then, we had best head downstairs before your godfather accuses me of murdering you," he smirked.

"No, not murder, maybe one of the other unforgivable curses, but not murder," Harry replied cheekily as he followed Snape out of the room completely oblivious to the blatant smile adorning the professor's face.

Snape parted ways with Harry at the bottom of the stairs and pretended not to notice the boy's hesitation before opening the kitchen door, but he pushed any thought of caring about the child out of his head as he mentally prepared himself to face the old meddling coot.

-SS-

Harry took in a deep breath in an attempt to straighten out his shoulders and raise his head. He wasn't quite sure what to say or do when he talked to Sirius. A part of him wanted to apologize immediately for everything he said to his godfather. It was so disrespectful and how was it his place to say anything? He didn't really know the details of any of their lives.

But the other part of him knew that Sirius and James' behavior was awful. And even though he shouldn't have exploded like he did earlier, what he said was still true. It didn't matter what Snape had done before because it was obvious in this particular memory that the man had done nothing to provoke the marauders. It was all too eerily reminiscent of Dudley and his gang 'Harry hunting' during his own childhood. Or the times Uncle Vernon punished him for something he didn't even do. Or to use his own father's words, so similar to Uncle Vernon's, "_It's more that he exists_". Didn't that sum up Harry's life perfectly? His own relatives despised that he even existed. Yes, Harry knew exactly how Snape must have felt and it was a terrible feeling.

He could hear hushed voices arguing through the door, but couldn't make out anything they were saying. Finally he swallowed the piece of chocolate in his mouth and found the resolve to push open the door. The sooner he explained everything to Sirius, the sooner his godfather would leave Snape alone.

It looked as though Sirius had been pacing the kitchen while arguing with Remus, but he stopped dead in his tracks when Harry entered the room.

His dark eyes shimmered with concern as they raked over Harry's appearance, which Harry was glad was a major improvement from before.

"Harry," he finally breathed. "Are you alright?"

_There was that stupid question again!_ It mixed up all his emotions and messed up everything he had been planning on saying.

Harry swallowed hard. "I'm fine Sirius, it was just a little cut," he said, caught off guard.

Sirius' eyebrows rose. "Just a little cut? Well I don't care if he pinches you. He has no right to touch you," he said seriously.

Harry gaped at his godfather incredulously before glaring at Remus. "You didn't explain," he said accusingly.

"I was trying to -" Remus began to reply before Harry cut in again.

"Sirius, Snape didn't hit me. How many times do I have to tell you that," Harry asked angrily.

Sirius just shook his head. "It's okay, Harry, we can discuss it back at my place. Are you packed?"

"What?" Harry said, extremely confused. "I'm not leaving."

"Harry, he's trying to brainwash you against your own father. You can't stay here," Sirius said, equally as confused by Harry's behavior.

Remus knew his friend's conduct was only upsetting Harry more and tried to jump into the conversation, but Harry cut him off again.

"No, actually I can make up my own mind Sirius," Harry said sharply. "Snape hasn't tried to say anything about how awful you guys were to him and I know what I saw, okay?"

"Harry-" Sirius began.

"No, I don't want any excuses. I know you were all young and have changed since then, so act like it and quit blaming everything on Snape. He didn't hit me, it was some local kids down the road," Harry said as he gestured out the window. "And Snape has been working hard to teach me Occlumency and I acted like a brat and invaded his privacy. And then I find out everything he has ever said about my father was true," Harry finished.

"Fine, James and Snape hated each other, but the behavior was mutual. Even Snape said so himself. And it doesn't make up for how that greasy git has treated you over the years Harry. And don't deny it, I've heard the stories from Ron and Hermione," Sirius said fiercely, his eyes alight with emotion.

Harry just shook his head in frustration. It was as if Sirius wasn't even listening to him. It was strange how defensive he felt for Snape, because it was true, Snape had been pretty awful to him over the years. And Harry liked knowing Sirius was concerned and cared about his well being, but his godfather was taking it too far. He wanted to clench his fists in aggravation, but he was still holding the chocolate bar. The one Snape cared enough to make him eat. The one Snape sent up to his room after Harry stormed out. The one Snape practically force fed him when they first got back to the manor after the dementor attack. Harry found himself staring at the chocolate bar in his hand, oblivious to Sirius and Remus arguing once again. Perhaps him and Snape had finally come to an understanding and if that were the case, he needed to put an end to Sirius' madness immediately.

"Listen Sirius, please," he said in a pleading voice, abruptly gathering both men's attention. "I looked in the pensieve thinking I would find something out about Voldemort's weapon and Snape was furious and told me to get out, so I panicked and left. But part of the reason was what I saw, not just how Snape reacted."

"Harry-".

"No, Sirius, let me finish. I left and I ran down the road and these two kids jumped me and when I didn't have any money the one punched me," Harry said firmly.

"And that would of never happened if -" Sirius began.

"If I didn't look in the pensieve," Harry said heatedly. "Look, I'm fine and I appreciate the concern but aren't there more important things to worry about, like why there were dementors just strolling down the street," Harry asked.

"Harry, my first concern is you," Sirius said genuinely.

"Really? Cus it seems to me, your first concern is hating Snape," Harry said a bit harsher than he knew he should have. In any other situation Harry would have loved how much his godfather was defending him, but here, in this situation, with Snape's memory in mind, it just felt so wrong; to accuse the man of hurting him, especially after that very man rescued him from the Dursleys and healed all the injuries his uncle had inflicted. Harry shuddered at the memory of his uncle and popped some more chocolate in his mouth looking away from his godfather's crestfallen face.

The silence was tangible and all Harry could think about was his godfather's crestfallen face. The same man that had asked Harry to come live with him and this was how Harry repaid him.

"Sirius, I'm sorry," he finally blurted out. The look of disappointment on Sirius' face was breaking his heart. The one person that Harry had a chance to have a family with and he ruined it all in one day. "I didn't mean everything I said, I just wish you would understand, Snape hasn't been mean to me or anything. He doesn't deserve this attitude. Please – Please don't -"

"Hate you Harry?" Sirius cut in before Harry could finish that thought. "I could never hate you. Don't ever say something like that. Do you hear me," he admonished, finally approaching Harry and pulling him into a hug.

Harry wanted to feel like a huge weight was lifted off his chest, but he couldn't quite let go of that gnawing sensation inside. 'Hate' wasn't quite what he planned on saying, but only because he couldn't actually voice that fear. To hear Sirius openly refute the idea was a relief, but it still seemed like it would only be a matter of time before he screwed up and did something that would really push his godfather away. Today was a close enough call. He finally pulled back from Sirius and gave him a halfhearted smile.

The silence was awkward and Harry worried the men would push him to talk more. "I think I just need a hot shower and some rest, okay," he said quickly.

"That's probably a very good idea even though I wish we could stay longer Harry, but I know the memory transfer needs to be performed as well," Remus spoke up. He had been anxious Harry would be mad he spoke to Sirius about the fear Harry voiced up in his bedroom, but the child didn't seem to mind.

Harry nodded his head in understanding before Remus came over and pulled him into a hug as well. "If you need anything, you know where to find us, or well Sirius, if I'm not around," he said as he drew back to inspect Harry one last time.

"Day or night Harry," Sirius added with a sincere smile. He was still not entirely convinced with Harry's story. Fine, he would admit maybe Snape had nothing to do with it but something was definitely still bothering his godson, more so than just the dementors. There was something Harry was leaving out, but he wouldn't push. "Even if you just need to talk, I expect you to wake me up, alright," he said, waiting for a response.

Harry nodded his head again. "Thanks." _Yeah right, if I came to you every time I needed to talk, you would get sick of me after two days,_ he thought to himself. Seeing that the two men were still staring at him with that pitying look he added, "Really, I'm fine, go," in his most convincing tone. The chocolate had made a marked improvement.

Sirius squeezed Harry's shoulder one last time before him and Remus left against their better judgment.

-SS-

Severus had immediately went for his liquor cabinet and poured himself a glass of firewhisky, trying to avoid those aggravating blue eyes that were twinkling more madly than ever.

"Ahh, Severus, I trust Harry is doing alright," Dumbledore said cheerily.

"He will be fine," Snape replied in his most indifferent tone, swirling the amber liquid around in his glass before taking a sip.

"Wonderful," Dumbledore replied as if Snape had just announced Harry had won the lottery, earning a strong glare from the potion's master.

"Wonderful? You think this situation is wonderful," Snape asked sarcastically. "Someone at the Ministry is trying to get the boy killed and although they failed at that point, they are doing an excellent job of getting him expelled. Or was that part of your master plan," he sneered.

"I'm confident, between the two of us, we can get Harry through this," Dumbledore replied calmly, smiling across the room at Snape.

Silence encompassed the room as Severus refused to respond to the old man, preferring to busy himself with the soothing liquid in his glass.

Dumbledore could always tell when there was something more on Severus' mind and his unending patience always infuriated the younger wizard into eventually speaking. Today would be no different.

"You realize that the child may be broken before you ever even get him to the point to fight the Dark Lord," Snape said somewhat bitterly.

Dumbledore's eyes instantly lost their twinkle, fearing that there was more the potion's master wasn't saying. "You have spoken to him then? And that is your analysis," he asked seriously.

"Analysis? He's a child, not a potions experiment, Albus," Snape snapped at his mentor. It baffled his mind that the man could be a genius, but lack such common sense sometimes. He understood the headmaster's need to distance himself from Harry, but perhaps they had reached the point where they were pushing the child too far. Harry needed support, not distance.

"Severus, you know I don't think of Harry that way," Dumbledore spoke up defensively.

Snape brought a hand up to rub the bridge of his nose as he nodded his head. "I have not spoken to him. I don't think he plans on speaking to anyone about any of his troubles. Today was probably the most emotion he has shown to other people in a long time. He is carrying too much weight on his shoulders and he's afraid to share any of it with others, but it will overwhelm him if he does not," Snape said pensively

Albus closed his eyes, allowing Snape's words to sink in. "Do you think you will be able to get him to open up or will we need help from other sources," he asked honestly.

Snape let a sigh escape his lips. "I have no other option than to succeed. If I break his trust he will shut down completely."

"Severus, you are the right person for the job and I agree, if you can't help him, no one can," Dumbledore said earnestly.

Snape just shook his head as they were both interrupted by the entrance of Sirius and Remus. He gave the former his best death glare, assuming the boy had set the record straight. Sirius' eyes shimmered with a strange emotion, almost a hint of jealousy, Snape thought.

"Is everything alright then, gentlemen," Dumbledore asked the two newcomers warmly.

"Yes," Remus responded. "Harry said he was going to take a shower and get some rest."

Sirius nodded his head in agreement and then said his goodbyes to Remus and Albus. He could only manage to incline his head in Snape's direction before disappearing through the floo.

"Well then," Dumbledore said as he clapped his hands and stood up. "Shall we get started," he asked looking between both men and gesturing for them to take the two armchairs opposite each other. "The procedure should only take a few minutes."

Remus sat down nervously while Snape strode across the room and stiffly took the other chair.

Really the process of _Memoria Absorbere_ required no assistance from the person receiving the memory. It was the long Latin incantation Dumbledore would need to recite that made it a difficult procedure to perform, and Snape, who would need to focus intently to prevent any other memories from becoming intermingled. He would not break his promise to Harry and thus had to be sure his mind was clear to transfer one and only one memory.

Of course Severus could have just told Remus what happened and he in turn could recite that at the hearing, but there was always the chance the Ministry would request a copy of the memory for later review in a pensieve. This process would assimilate the memory into one of Remus' own.

Severus prepared his mental blocks, pushing all other thoughts of Harry, _the child he let get attacked by dementors,_ from his mind, and focused solely on the attack itself. His dark eyes finally snapped up to meet the amber ones opposite him, and with a small nod of his head, Dumbledore began the incantation.

After a few minutes the headmaster was moving a shimmering blue strand from Snape's temple to Remus'.

Snape noted, while continuing eye contact, that Remus' amber orbs were slowly beginning to widen in alarm. _Then the transfer was a success_.

As Dumbledore finally lowered his wand, Remus spoke in a shaky voice, "What did he mean, _I'm sorry I couldn't hold it_?"

"His patronus," Snape answered evenly. "He managed to repel two of the Dementors, but then it must have failed."

Remus still had a disturbed look on his face. The dementor has been so close to Harry's face and if Severus hadn't gotten there when he did… But then his lips started to twist into a smile. "You were concerned," he said boldly, in reference to the emotions he could feel within the memory.

This statement elicited a large smile from the headmaster and Snape gave them both his best scowl as he rose to stride back across the room.

"Having the Golden Boy killed on my watch wouldn't go over too well, now would it?" he sneered rhetorically as he refilled his glass of firewhiskey. The day had been far too long already. He gestured to more empty tumblers, offering the same to the other two wizards.

Remus accepted, thinking along the same lines as Snape while Dumbledore declined and excused himself, leaving Snape and Lupin to drink in uncomfortable silence.

Finally Lupin sighed and stood to leave. Turning awkwardly to Snape, he said, "Thank you, Severus, for everything you have done for Harry." Seeing Snape incline his head he continued, "And, I apologize for Sirius' accusations, he was just concerned about Harry, and well, you know, old habits die hard, I guess," he finished softly.

"Yes, well remind your little friend that unless invited, he is not to come charging into my home again," Snape said coldly.

"I will," Remus answered before disappearing through green flames, leaving Snape to brood over his now empty glass.

_TBC…_

Next up: These guys just can't get a break…

Happy Monday :) - Mara


	12. Ch 12 One Step Back & Two Steps Forward?

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own the characters or anything and am not making any money, just having fun.

**A/N:** I have the best readers and reviewers ever! I love seeing all the reviews, and I'm really loving writing this story. Hope the next few chapters aren't too boring, I mean things will be happening but also there might be some repetitive talking because I am including stuff from Canon and well, you'll see… And HAPPY MONDAY AGAIN! :)

_From the last chapter…_

"_Yes, well remind your little friend that unless invited, he is not to come charging into my home again," Snape said coldly. _

"_I will," Remus answered before disappearing through green flames, leaving Snape to brood over his now empty glass. _

**Chapter 12 – One Step Back and Two Steps Forward?**

Sirius had been too upset to think clearly or even listen to Remus try and explain earlier, but now that he sat alone in his own kitchen, all he wanted was a lengthy explanation. It's not that he didn't believe his godson, but Harry had been so distraught. The child had been visibly trembling, and it looked like Snape was violently shaking Harry when they had come in. The daze in Harry's eyes was even worse. It was as if Harry had been oblivious to the fact that there was blood dripping down his face.

_Ugh! Where is he? What could possibly be taking so long? _

Sirius had managed to placate an extremely worried Molly Weasley, along with all the children, promising to explain more later, so he could have a private word with Remus when his friend returned.

By the time Remus finally stepped through the floo Sirius looked ready to pounce on his friend. "So tell me everything," he gasped out anxiously.

Remus rubbed his hands across his face and sat down next to Sirius. "Are you going to actually let me explain," he asked tiredly, not having it in him to be sarcastic.

"I'm stuck in this hell-hole and I can't even help my own godson," Sirius gestured violently to the house at large. "And now he faces a trial with the Ministry, which I sure as hell won't be allowed to go to, so I'm sorry if I overreacted," he shouted before quickly taking on a more somber tone. "Someone hurt him Remus, and I'm supposed to protect him."

He hated being stuck in this stupid house. He was worthless to the Order and now, apparently, worthless to his godson. Maybe he was wrong in accusing that greasy git of hitting Harry, but it still didn't change the fact that Harry had been attacked by a dementor while in the man's care. Sirius convinced himself that something like that would never happen if Harry were staying with him.

"I know Padfoot," Remus said, equally as solemn, reaching across the table to put a hand on Sirius' own. "This isn't your fault… but it's not Snape's either."

Sirius scowled, but stayed silent.

"I know you won't believe this Sirius, but Severus seemed sincerely concerned for Harry when he was missing," said Remus.

"Moony," Sirius exclaimed, "Of course he was concerned – for his own safety. When we found out what happened he knew I'd kill him myself," Sirius growled.

Remus let out a light chuckle, "That was Severus' excuse as well." He smiled before turning serious again. "But honestly Padfoot, that memory is like one of my own now and I'm telling you, the feeling in it, the panic Severus felt in it, wasn't that of self-concern… It was the same feeling I had when we got to the manor and saw how hurt Harry was," he finished soberly.

"So what," Sirius snapped defensively. He knew what Remus was saying was probably true, he did see Snape send up the pain-reliever and chocolate, but he still had a hard time believing Snape didn't have some ulterior motive.

"Sirius," Remus said admonishingly. "For whatever reason, Harry relates to Snape in that memory from our fifth year. You know his relatives aren't the most caring people and his cousin picks on him constantly."

Sirius was frowning sadly at the mention of those horrible muggles and how Harry had been brought up. He should have been the one to raise Harry and instead he landed himself in Azkaban.

"I'm just saying that attacking Snape isn't the best way to get Harry to talk to us. I think that memory is really bothering him, but he doesn't feel comfortable talking to us when he thinks we are going to keep blaming Snape," Remus added honestly.

Sirius scowled again at the thought of being nice to Snape, even if indirectly. But he knew his level-headed friend was probably right.

They continued to talk well into the evening, Remus reporting on all that Harry and he had discussed and what was concerning Remus most, the defensive and withdrawn body language Harry had displayed.

-SS-

Severus wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the evening with another glass of firewhiskey, but allowing Harry to miss dinner wouldn't be productive for the boy's health, even though the child probably didn't have much of an appetite after today's fiascos. When he went upstairs to get Harry, it was obvious his assumption was correct, but that couldn't be helped.

Dinner was an awkward affair as neither wizard knew how to broach any topics that were so obviously on the forefronts of their minds. Breaking the silence and possibly their little truce was a scary idea. Severus assumed Harry had been through enough in one day and wouldn't force anything more out of him. They could both use a quiet evening to collect their own thoughts without any more heavy topics.

Oh if only the world would go their way for once…

Dinner was wrapped up abruptly as Harry let out a cry of pain and clutched his forehead.

Snape was out of his seat and at the child's side in a flash. "Potter," he asked, trying to move Harry's hands to get a better look, "Is it your scar again?"

Harry just gasped in pain, trying to stop himself from crying out and shook his head in the affirmative. He was practically curled into a ball on his chair, his back hunched over and his head in his hands.

Snape quickly summoned a vial of potion and tried to push Harry back up into more of a sitting position. "Potter, you need to sit up," he said pulling on Harry's arm. "You have to drink this," he said firmly, showing none of the concern that was actually in his mind. He had seen the child in too much pain for one day and it was quickly becoming one of Severus' least favorite activities. _Could he not get a break?_

Harry just shook his head trying to push Snape away. The pain wasn't as bad as the last time this hit, probably because of the pain reliever Snape had given him earlier, but it was still making his eyes water as he clenched them shut tightly. Harry knew Snape was trying to help by giving him another pain reliever, but he didn't want to be knocked unconscious again. He hated that feeling, possibly even more than the pain, the feeling of having absolutely no control.

"Potter," Snape said sharply, but Harry just shook his head more and tried to wrestle his arm out of the man's grip.

"Harry! Drink the damn potion," Snape practically yelled, instantly causing Harry's eyes to snap open. The emerald orbs sparkled with unshed tears and the shock, undoubtedly from the use of his given name rather than the cursing, was clearly evident. "It's a different formula I developed and it shouldn't make you drowsy," he added a little more softly.

Harry stared into Snape's dark eyes trying to judge the validity of his statement before he had to squeeze his own shut with another wave of pain. He didn't have the energy to reach for the vial but managed to shake his head in the affirmative again before he felt the glass vial being pushed to his lips and tilted back.

The liquid swam down his throat and he waited desperately for it to relieve some of the pain.

Snape was also holding his own breath. There was no reason it shouldn't work, being a combination of a regular pain reliever and that specifically designed for the Cruciatus Curse, but the potion was still completely experimental. The combination made sense in theory but ingredients didn't always react the way you suspected they would.

Finally, Snape watched as Harry's knuckles regained some color, releasing their death grip in his messy hair and he slowly slid his hands down across his face to rub at his scar, but without the vigorous force he had been using earlier.

"He's really mad again," Harry whispered from behind his hands. The pain had lessened dramatically, but now his head just had a dull ache and a cloudy feeling, like he had taken too much cold medicine when he was a child.

Harry finally dropped one hand to his side in time to see Snape clench his left forearm. Other than that reflex, the man let out no hint that he was being summoned.

"Come on Potter," Snape said sourly while he grabbed Harry by the arm and pulled him from his seat and out through the foyer. _Couldn't either of them catch a break?_

It was funny, there had been a time, not too long ago actually, in which Harry would have been worried in this situation that Snape was taking him to Voldemort. Now Harry was worried, but for entirely different reasons, such as for the man who had to apparate to an angry psychopath's side and what Snape intended for him while he was gone.

"Where are we going, Sir?" Harry asked quickly while Snape dragged him into the study.

"You're going to headquarters," Snape said seriously, as he grabbed a few objects from his cabinet behind the desk.

Harry took a step back. "No," he said shaking his head. "Why? I don't need a babysitter while you're gone," he snapped. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, he had done it long enough, and he really had no desire to be forced to talk to Sirius and Remus more. He needed a little more time to think about everything that had happened in the last few hours before being required to confront it all again. Oh, god, and the Weasleys and Hermione too. They would all be asking millions of questions that Harry didn't even know how to answer. Hermione would accuse him of being utterly foolish and irresponsible for looking in Snape's Pensieve and Ron, well, Ron would surely find some excuse to blame everything on Snape just like Sirius had. No, he had no desire to deal with any of that tonight.

Snape rounded back to face Harry. "This isn't a discussion Potter," he snapped back, "and I don't really have time to listen to you throw a tantrum."

The professor's icy tone put Harry on the offensive. "Oh, back to last names so soon? What happened to '_Harry'_," he countered scathingly. A look of pure disdain had flashed across Snape's eyes, but for a split second Harry recognized more, perhaps disappointment or regret, making Harry wish he could think before he spoke. It was just a couple hours ago that Snape was telling him he didn't hate him and now he had screwed it all up again.

Snape gave Harry his best glare. _Ah yes, this was why the child drove him crazy_. He was doing this in Harry's best interests. The child just took an experimental potion and needed some type of supervision in case he had any adverse reactions to it. And as Marla was attending to duties at his home at Spinners End, Grimmauld Place was the most obvious option. Perhaps Severus had used a harsher tone than necessary and didn't explain things very well, but there really wasn't the time.

Well, it was too late to discuss anything now as it was obvious Harry was already angry with him. That would probably work in his favor to get Harry to headquarters. Snape swept across the room and grabbed Harry by the arm again, intent on dragging him through the floo kicking and screaming if necessary before he was brought to an abrupt halt by the next words that came out of the child's mouth.

"Don't go," Harry exclaimed before he could clearly think through the ramifications of such a statement.

Severus was at a complete stand still. _Was the child serious? Did he think that was an option? And why would he not want Snape to go? _ He turned slowly to face Harry, about to speak before said child continued first.

"I mean, what good does it do? He's angry and you'll just get tortured again," he said, rambling nervously. He was desperately trying to judge Snape's reaction with little luck. "It's not worth it."

Severus stared dumbfounded at Harry, shaking his head lightly. He certainly didn't have time right now to discuss the bigger picture or the greater good or the need for sacrifices, but he was flabbergasted by the anxiety and concern evident in Harry's tone. When the Dark Lord summoned you, you complied immediately. You didn't argue with someone, who was trying to talk you out of it. You didn't say goodbye to your family. You just obeyed. You couldn't afford to be sidetracked by anything like that. Especially when you were a spy constantly trying to occlude your mind while in the presence of the Dark Lord. This was a totally unique experience for Severus, and it completely caught him off guard.

"Potter, this is not the time to discuss this," Snape said tiredly as he resumed his grip on Harry's arm and pulled him towards the floo again.

Harry couldn't stop his bottom lip from trembling, both in hurt and anger. He had put himself out there, and opened up a little to Snape, showing he cared about the man's well being, and Snape just dismissed the comment as if it meant nothing. Of course it meant nothing, the professor wouldn't care if Harry was concerned. How could he have been so stupid?

Harry stumbled ungraciously into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place and tried to wrench his arm free from Snape's grip, but the man held on like a vice. "You know, I can just step back through when you leave," Harry retorted angrily, trying to defy the man in any way now.

Snape's eyebrows rose sardonically before he called out, "BLACK!" That would certainly put an end to any of Harry's escape plans.

Harry shot a look of pure venom back at Snape as if the man had cruelly betrayed him. "You're evil," he hissed through clenched teeth.

"Yes, well that is why I need to get going," Snape drawled sarcastically.

Sirius burst into the room to discover Snape, yes it had sounded like Snape calling his name, holding Harry by the arm. "What's wrong? What's going on," he asked frantically.

Snape's eyes lingered over Harry before flickering to the newcomer, but Harry didn't even bother regarding his godfather, still intent on shooting death glares at his professor.

"Make sure he puts this on his scar," Snape said as he thrust a jar of numbing balm into Harry's hand. "He's just been administered a stronger pain reliever. If there are any adverse reactions, call Poppy, she knows the ingredients. And do not give him any other potion for at least eight hours," said Snape, sounding like a doctor speaking to an ignorant patient. His eyes glittered strangely at Harry for one last fleeting look before he disappeared back through the floo.

"Harry, are you alright," Sirius started to ask.

"I'm fine," Harry replied, still gazing at the empty grate. He would just never understand Snape. One minute he acted like he cared and the next it was the complete opposite. "I just need to lie down," he added, quickly brushing past his godfather and out of the kitchen.

Watching Harry disappear through the kitchen door, Sirius made up his mind, something was going on and it was time he got some answers.

-SS-

Severus hastily stuffed a few of the potions the Dark Lord had asked for into a satchel when he heard the floo flare up. _That little brat_, he thought as he rounded on the intruder, intent on giving Harry a good piece of his mind. He scowled furiously when he discovered it wasn't Harry, but Sirius Black standing in his study.

"How many times do I have to repeat myself, _Black_, unless invited, STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE," Severus hissed as he went back to gathering the necessary vials.

"Something is going on and I want to know what it is," Sirius demanded.

"Shall I spell it out for you then," Severus said scathingly. "Your godson had another 'episode' with his scar and I'm late for an important tea party, so if you don't mind," he sneered.

"I'm talking about Harry! I want to know what's wrong. Something is bothering him. There's something neither of you are telling me," Sirius said heatedly.

"Maybe you should consider asking _him_," Severus ground out.

"He won't talk," Sirius hissed back.

"And yet you think he would tell ME," Severus mocked. That would be the dumbest idea in the world if hadn't been true, well partially true. The boy hadn't told Severus anything by choice, but yes, he did know what was really bothering him.

"You're a right bastard," said Sirius. "I don't think he would tell you a damn thing, but I never thought I'd see the day he defended you either."

"Yes, well it is unfortunate he didn't turn out just like you," Severus replied sarcastically and with a flick of his wrist, transformed his clothing into Death Eater robes, earning a slight gasp from Sirius. "Try being the _guardian_ you are and talk to the child yourself," he said as he swept out of the room, leaving Sirius to see his own way out. Normally he would never leave any Marauder unsupervised in his home, but time was of the essence and he was quickly running out of it.

-SS-

Sirius raced up the stairs of Grimmauld Place two at time, intent on getting Harry to talk. This afternoon he thought maybe he needed to be patient and let Harry come to him, but now after talking with Remus about the Dementor attack and everything with Snape, maybe Harry didn't need space, maybe he needed to talk. Luckily the Weasleys and Hermione were still staying out of his way.

Sirius knocked lightly, but didn't wait for an answer before pushing open the door. In the same bed he had used at the beginning of the summer, Harry was already under the covers facing the wall, but Sirius knew he wasn't sleeping. "Harry, we need to talk," he said softly, as he sat down at the foot of the bed.

Harry scrunched his eyes shut, trying to shake off the strange haze in his head. He could still feel Voldemort's anger, but it wasn't really hurting him anymore, his head just felt fuzzy. Whatever Snape did, the potion definitely worked better than before. But it was horrible knowing Snape was there, probably receiving Voldemort's anger. And now Sirius wanted to have a heart to heart.

"Sirius, I'm exhausted," Harry said tiredly.

"I know Harry, but so much has happened and I know it must still be bothering you, and I just think we really need to talk about it, or anything that's bothering you," Sirius said in a concern-filled voice.

"Can't it wait, Sirius," Harry mumbled.

"Okay if you don't want to talk, will you at least listen," Sirius asked seriously.

Harry let out a long sigh, resigning to the fact that Sirius wasn't going to give up. "Yeah, okay," he said heavily, still refusing to turn and face his godfather.

"Okay. So, you have to understand Harry, that James and Snape hated each other from the moment they saw each other. It was just one of those things. I'm sure you can understand, it's very similar to you and young Malfoy," Sirius started to explain.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't just attack Malfoy without reason, and especially not just because my friend was bored," Harry snapped, finally pushing himself up to sitting at the opposite end of the bed.

"I know Harry, I know," Sirius said placatingly. "You have to understand though that you saw a memory in our fifth year so that was plenty of time for animosity to build. And to be fair, Snape took any opportunity to hex your father as well. I think James was just everything Snape wasn't - popular, good at everything, the Quidditch star, and Snape was – well – just sort of the oddball, and obsessed with the Dark Arts. We- your father and I- hated the Dark Arts Harry. Snape just reminded me of my family and their twisted pureblood ideology."

"Your family," Harry asked somewhat confused.

"Oh come on Harry, you've seen the house," Sirius said almost chuckling, "And my mother down there screaming her bloody head off."

Harry nodded his head as though he obviously noticed, but was afraid of offending his godfather if he believed it to be true.

"Well, anyways, a lot of pure blood families agreed with Voldemort before they realized his real objectives. And my family, they didn't openly support him, but they were proud of my brother when he became a Death Eater – stupid idiot," said Sirius.

"You're kidding," Harry asked incredulously.

"Nope," Sirius said shaking his head. "Anyway, my parents practically disowned me because I didn't agree with them and Regulus ended up getting himself killed, probably when he realized Voldemort's real game plan and wanted to back out. But you sign on for life with Voldemort, there is no backing out."

Harry just gaped at Sirius. He had no idea Sirius' own brother was a Death Eater. That would explain why his godfather hated the Dark Arts so much.

"Anyway, I spent a lot of time at your father's house. Your grandparents were great, pretty much letting me move in when I ran away from here," he said gesturing to the house at large. "They were my real family, not this place, not the twisted Death Eater cousins or brother I had. Like I would want to admit I was related to any of them, especially Bellatrix… Well, there is a family tree downstairs, we can take a look at it later so you can get a better idea of what I mean."

Sirius paused for a long moment as if lost in thought before finally speaking up again.

"Look Harry, I'm not proud of my behavior back then, and I'm sure your father wouldn't be either, but I just want you to understand why we disliked the Dark Arts so much and thus Snape as well," Sirius said quickly. "And as for my behavior now, well – Snape and I are both just too stubborn, and when I saw you and thought he hurt you…"

"Why would you think that though? What would give you that idea," Harry asked spitefully.

"He hated your father, Harry, and it's not a secret how he has treated you in school. I just – jumped to the wrong conclusion. But you can't blame me, it doesn't look like the two of you are getting along any better now," said Sirius, trying to see if Harry would open up about what more had happened this evening.

"No, he's been better and working hard to teach me everything," Harry replied defensively, thinking of the potion's professor probably being tortured as they spoke. "It's not like his job is a cakewalk, you can't blame him for being such a miserable man."

Sirius chuckled again, "No, I suppose you can't."

He regarded his godson in such a defensive position at the end of the bed with his knees drawn into his chest. Remus had told him about Harry's behavior after running out of the study at Snape's manor and Remus seemed to be very concerned. They both supposed it could just be all the pressure Harry probably felt he was under, but it would be good for him to talk about it. "Harry… is there anything else you want to talk about?" he asked softly.

Harry's sparkling emerald eyes darted up to meet his godfather's. _Did he know? _ "No, I'm just tired Sirius," Harry started to say and seeing the unconvinced look on his godfather's face, continued. "This stupid scar and the connection with Voldemort is just driving me crazy, and I can't learn Occlumency to save my life, and now I have this stupid trial to deal with," he finished resignedly. It wasn't a lie, that was all really bothering him. He just left out the fact that it bothered him more to see the similarities between his horrible relatives and the father he used to idolize.

"Oh Harry, it's all going to be okay. The headmaster would never let you get expelled and Remus will be there with you at the trial," said Sirius, satisfied those were the reasons Harry seemed so miserable.

Harry nodded his head and let out a fake yawn.

Sirius rose and pulled back the covers so Harry could slide back under them. "You're probably exhausted after the day you've had, I'll make sure no one bothers you tonight, but thank you for giving me the chance to talk a little," Sirius said warmly as he ruffled Harry's hair a little and left the room.

-SS-

Stalking down the front path, Severus tried desperately to clear his mind, but all thoughts were on a certain dark-haired child. The child he was supposed to hate. He never actually hated Harry, just what Harry reminded him of, everything he had lost. And he swore an oath, in Lily's memory, to protect the child, but now he wanted nothing more than to protect him just for being Harry. It made no difference that he was doing it for Lily now. He had seen so much more to Harry Potter than he had ever realized was there before and the child deserved better from all those around him. He would get Harry to talk to him if it was the last thing he did. He had failed to protect the boy in the worst possible way, from his own family, and that would stop now. As he felt his wards tingle through his magical core, Severus vowed to make it up to the Harry, but first he needed to prepare himself to survive another visit with his second master.

Severus steeled his mind, occluding everything that had taken place throughout the summer and only allowing older thoughts of a cheeky Harry Potter, back-talking in class, to flitter through his mind. Saying a silent prayer he allowed himself to apparate into whatever the angry Dark Lord had planned this time.

_TBC…_

Next up… What does Voldemort want now? And Harry can't avoid Ron and Hermione any longer.

Leave me some love (or sunshine or pineapples) :) -Mara


	13. Ch 13 The Best of Liars

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this and I'm not making any money so please don't sue me. **

**A/N: **Thanks for all the continued wonderful reviews. You guys are definitely the best and they just make my day.

_From the last chapter…_

_Severus steeled his mind, occluding everything that had taken place throughout the summer and only allowing older thoughts of a cheeky Harry Potter, back-talking in class, to flitter through his mind. Saying a silent prayer he allowed himself to apparate into whatever the angry Dark Lord had planned this time. _

**Chapter 13 – The Best of Liars**

It must have been overcast because the moon illuminated nothing of his surroundings. Harry walked through the darkness across the damp grass towards a faint flickering light up ahead. The cold chill was seeping through him as he realized he wasn't wearing a cloak. The light was coming closer. He could hear voices. He needed to know who it was and used no stealth in his progress towards the strangers. His feet stumbled across a rock in his haste…

No, not a rock, Harry noted as he looked down… it was a small cracked tombstone. A feeling of dread washed over him as he realized exactly where he was.

The graveyard. Voldemort.

Harry could feel his heart constrict in his chest at the very thought of being here again, but a piercing scream of agony tore him from his own fear and he ran faster. An evil laughter echoed around the screams and finally Harry could see past the last tombstone that had been blocking his view.

A small fire flickered light across the snake-like face of Voldemort. His red eyes gleamed and pain seared through Harry's forehead. The man's head was thrown back as he cackled, his wand aimed at a black-cloaked man writhing on the ground at his feet.

Voldemort nudged the man on the ground with the toe of his boot to reveal a curtain of black hair shielding a face that would have obviously been twisted in pain.

A curtain of black hair…

Snape…

Harry rushed forward without thinking as the man screamed out in agony again. He headed straight towards the pair before he realized he didn't have his wand. The panic that overwhelmed him was almost unbearable. They were both going to die, Snape and himself. _How could he have rushed into something so completely unprepared?_

Voldemort finally released the curse on Snape and the man lay unmoving on the damp ground save for heavy shuddering breaths. He was still alive.

Harry waited, holding his breath, for Voldemort to turn his attention to him. _What, exactly, did he plan on doing though? How was he going to get them out of this?_

Voldemort turned so slowly it was almost painful, towards Harry with a small smirk on his face. He didn't say a word but continued to stare at Harry, or rather past Harry's shoulder.

The fear that gripped him was almost too much. He hated the idea of turning his back on the evil Dark Lord in front of him, but obviously something worse was waiting behind him.

A hand ghosted across his shoulder, causing Harry to snap his head around to see the figure connected to the hand. It was none other than a twenty year old James Potter.

His father…

Relief should have flooded into his very being, but it didn't. Instead a strange chill started spreading up Harry's spine. _This isn't right._ He quickly darted his eyes back to the spot where Voldemort had been standing.

He was gone. But the crumpled mass of robes that was Snape, was not. Harry could still see the man's body shudder with every breath.

Harry closed his eyes. _This isn't real. It can't be real. _

A hand closed around his forearm, shaking violently and when Harry snapped his eyes open the graveyard was gone. He was lying on his bed at Privet Drive and a large red-faced man was towering over him. The grip on his arm had become painful and Harry realized he was being yanked from the bed.

He landed hard on his knees and just barely caught himself with his hands before his face would have also slammed into the floor.

"YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT," Vernon Dursley screamed as the back of his fist landed squarely on the side of Harry's temple, sending him toppling to his side.

Harry could hardly figure out what was going on. _How did he get back here? Was the graveyard just a dream?_ He felt a strong hand clench the collar of his shirt tightly, wrenching him from the floor, while another wrapped around his throat.

"WAKING US UP WITH YOUR STUPID NIGHTMARES! HOW DARE YOU! YOU LITTLE FREAK," Vernon continued screaming with rage causing little bits of spittle to sprinkle across Harry's face.

_So it was a nightmare? _Everything seemed somewhat hazy and didn't quite make sense to Harry, but the tightening around his throat was very real. He finally brought his hands up to claw at the arms that were denying his body of much-needed oxygen, but it was of no use. It was as if there was no strength left in his limbs and slowly, he let his eyes fall shut, resigned to the darkness that would certainly come.

But this time it didn't and Harry's eyes shot open at the hateful voice across the room. "You're pathetic," Sirius sneered.

Harry could see his godfather standing off to the side looking down at him with disappointment. And although his uncle was slowly closing off his air supply, the pain in his chest was far greater for the words his godfather spoke next.

"Look at this, you can't even defend yourself. You're nothing like your father, Harry. Maybe you deserve this," Sirius spat out with pure disdain.

Harry sat up with a bolt, his eyes snapping open with a new found clarity. He took in gasping breaths as if he had just been suffocating. _He had though, hadn't he?_ _His uncle… the bedroom at Privet Drive… _

_It had all been a dream, _Harry realized as his eyes scanned the room at Grimmauld Place. Ron's bed was thankfully empty and it didn't sound as though he had woken any other occupants of the house.

Refusing to close his eyes for fear of where it might take him next, Harry took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He couldn't quite shake the feeling of his uncle's hands around his throat though and he quickly scrambled off the bed to the bathroom down the hall.

Harry searched his reflection almost frantically, looking for any sign that it wasn't just a dream. A mark, a scratch, a bruise… anything that he would need to cover up, need to hide.

But finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Harry resigned to the fact that he was being ridiculous. Of course, it was just a nightmare, there couldn't be any marks. He allowed his eyes to fall shut for a moment, millions of thoughts mulling around in his head. Seeing Snape's memory, the horrible way his own father had acted, fleeing the manor, the kids that cornered him, the dementors, the Ministry threatening to expel him, Sirius accusing Snape of hitting him, Snape going to another Death Eater meeting just to be tortured, and… the millions of memories of his uncle…

A lone tear leaked its way out of Harry's eyes threatening to be followed by millions more, but Harry squashed that idea instantly. Frantically turning on the cold tap, he filled his cupped hands with icy water and submerged his face, repeating the action obsessively.

Finally, leaning heavily against the porcelain sink, Harry brought his eyes up to meet his reflection and ran his fingers gently over his right temple, where it had slammed into the barn door earlier that day and where his Uncle hadn't actually back-handed him. Although the bruise was gone, it was still tender. Harry knew it would heal in a few days, but the pain, combined with the image of his uncle brought a shudder to his body. It wasn't like that dream hadn't actually happened probably hundreds of times.

Except that last part. But that was sure to happen when Sirius found out.

Harry shook his head gently, trying to rid himself of the thoughts that would surely plague him for the rest of night and there would be no chance for sleep. _ARGH, Why did Snape force him to come here? _ He felt trapped. Where could he go? He certainly couldn't stay locked up in this bathroom, but the thought of going back to that room also made him cringe. But that left nothing. He couldn't risk being found in any other room of the house, for the questions that would certainly be asked as to why he wasn't asleep.

At that moment Harry realized there was a certain peaceful feeling about being at Snape's home. Although he wished no one knew about his uncle, the idea that Snape did, brought some strange sense of comfort, like he didn't have try so hard to hide it in front of the man anymore, like a huge weight was slowly being lifted from his chest. And if he were there right now, in his own bedroom, he would certainly feel comfortable making his way to the library like he had so many other nights. And Snape wouldn't question why he was up in the middle of the night, but instead act as though it were normal. Oh how he longed to be normal. Couldn't anything in his life be normal?

-SS-

Miles away, Severus found himself in a comfortable sitting room, save for the fact that the Dark Lord sat in the center of the room engulfed in a black, high-backed armchair, and two other Death Eaters lay crippled at his feet. Severus recognized the blonde hair of Lucius Malfoy instantly, and the other, ah yes, Augustus Rookwood… must be his sitting room.

It was never a good sign when the entire group was not summoned. Although it could represent the possibility of a special mission, Severus already knew this was not the case by the motionless bodies on the floor and Harry's prediction that the Dark Lord was very angry. And lucky Severus was very late.

"My Lord," he said graciously as he swept toward the evil bastard, but he only made it a few feet before being struck down by the Cruciatus Curse. Severus dropped to his knees, writhing in pain and clenching his teeth to prevent himself from crying out. After what seemed like an eternity, the curse was lifted, and Severus gasped for air.

"Severus," the evil voice hissed, "You haven't greeted me properly."

_That's because you struck me down with the Cruciatus, you bastard! _Snape inhaled deeply through his nose before pushing himself back up to his feet, trying to hide the tremors racking through his body, and continued a straight path to the Dark Lord. He dropped again to his knees, only of his own accord this time, and bowed his head while grasping the man's hand and kissing it lightly. "My Lord, I deserve any punishment for my tardiness," he said dutifully. Meanwhile, his mind worked frantically to put together the reason for this meeting. Rookwood, Malfoy, and himself? There had to be a connection.

"Yes Severus, you have kept me waiting too many times now," Voldemort replied as he pulled his hand from Snape's grasp and placed a long, cold finger under Snape's chin tilting it upwards so their eyes could meet. It took all of Severus' strength to hide the chill that ran down his spine.

"Tell me, do you know why I called this little meeting," Voldemort asked quietly.

"Possibly, my Lord, for the same reason as my tardiness," Snape answered evenly. He allowed a few fragments of his last discussion with Dumbledore to flitter across his mind, knowing Voldemort would use this opportunity to perform some Legilemency.

"Then by all means Severus, do explain," Voldemort said, seemingly patient, but most definitely not.

"You are most gracious. The old fool was accusing me of hiding information from him in regards to the Dementor attack against Potter earlier today," Snape said smoothly. Of course, Lucius or Rookwood would inform Voldemort about the Dementor attack and said evil dark lord would demand to know why no one knew of it ahead of time. If the Ministry was involved, Voldemort would accuse them of hiding things, since both had connections within the Ministry. Severus of course, would be punished for not coming to the Dark Lord the minute the incident occurred. "He believes you are to blame," he added, knowing it would stroke the man's ego to believe he had Dumbledore fooled.

Voldemort smiled approvingly at Snape. "And what did you tell him Severus," he asked sweetly.

"That you would not trust me with information of that magnitude yet, but that you were undoubtedly responsible," Snape replied. "Obviously, the old fool refuses to believe the Ministry would turn on him so severely."

Voldemort's red eyes gleamed maliciously as they pierced Snape's, searching the potion master's mind for any trace of untruth. "Excellent," he hissed wickedly. "Now then, do you have my potions?"

"Yes, my Lord," Snape answered as he withdrew the vials he had been required to brew.

Voldemort levitated them over to a nearby table before turning back to Snape and resuming the Cruciatus just for good measure.

Mercifully, his news lessened much of his punishment and his occlumency skills once again fooled even one of the most powerful wizards of all time. He was allowed to escape much earlier than his last visit with the Dark Lord.

-SS-

A few hours later, Harry found it safe to head down to the kitchen. He tried to make himself as well-rested looking as possible. Hopefully he could have a quick breakfast with Sirius and sneak out before his friends woke up. He had no desire to explain everything that had happened the previous day for yet another time.

After Sirius had given everyone strict instructions not to disturb Harry, Hermione made it a point to rise early and wake Ron. From everything she had caught from Mr. Weasley, Sirius, and Professor Lupin, she pieced together as much as she could as to why Harry would leave Snape's wards and cast a patronus, but she needed Harry to fill in a lot of the missing pieces. Obviously, something had upset her friend enough to cause him to leave the safety of the wards.

She dragged a half-awake Ron down the stairs and into the kitchen. Sirius was already sitting at the head of the table drinking coffee. They plopped down into chairs next to him as he spoke.

"You guys are up early," Sirius said, raising an interested eyebrow at the two. "Hoping to get a glimpse of the elusive Harry Potter," he joked.

"He hasn't left yet has he," Hermione asked worriedly.

Ron let out a huge yawn, earning a glare from the little witch next to him, while she waited anxiously for Sirius' answer.

"No, he hasn't gotten up yet, and I didn't want to bother him, he needs the rest," said Sirius.

"So what happened yesterday? And why did Professor Snape end up bringing him here last night?" Hermione asked determinedly.

"Why don't you ask Harry yourself?" Sirius said as he cocked his head towards the now open door.

Harry entered the kitchen to discover that evidently, luck was still not on his side although he almost wanted to smile at the sight of his bushy-haired friend, grilling his godfather for answers while Ron had obviously made quite the effort to wake up this early, now currently asleep at the table. They were great friends, but explaining everything was just something he couldn't do right now. And that meant he had to prepare himself to formulate exactly what story he would tell. Because the truth would inevitably lead back to everything Harry had tried to keep hidden his entire life.

"Harry," Hermione shouted and leapt from her chair to engulf him in a hug.

Ron finally turned his head groggily and mumbled out, "Hermione, don't smother him."

She pulled back and Harry could feel her eyes scrutinizing his appearance. He knew his face was a bit pale and his eyes had a slight purple hue underneath them.

"Hey guys," Harry said softly, as he put on his best smile.

Hermione finally let him pass and they both went back over to the table, Harry sitting on the other side of Sirius so he was across from Hermione and Ron.

"Are you feeling better," Sirius asked as he reached over and patted Harry's hand.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks Sirius," said Harry.

Sirius smiled down at his godson before pushing his chair back. "Then I shall leave you three to talk. Help yourself to some pancakes and I'll be back in a little bit," Sirius said as he gestured towards the stove before disappearing through the kitchen door.

Hermione was still staring at Harry intently and spoke the instant the door swung closed. "So what happened, Harry? Why did you leave Professor Snape's house? And why did you have to cast a Patronus? Mr. Weasley notified Sirius as soon as he heard the warning come through to the Ministry," she rattled off quickly as she elbowed Ron to wake up once again.

"Yeah mate," Ron yawned finally opening his eyes to focus on Harry.

Harry rubbed nervously at the back of his neck. "I wasn't thinking and I went for a jog you know, and then I ran into the Dementors. I didn't think they would just be strolling down the road. It was the middle of the day," he said quickly.

Hermione eyed him suspiciously as Ron spoke up next, "So there really were dementors?"

Harry nodded his head. "Yeah, three of them."

"Wait, but you went for a jog," Hermione asked skeptically. "Couldn't you have done that on the Professor's property?"

"Yeah, Hermione, I went for a jog," Harry snapped back a little defensively. "I'm supposed to try and get in better shape okay. And like I said, I wasn't THINKING, and I just wanted to go somewhere different."

Hermione started at Harry's sharp tone and Ron jumped to her defense. "Hey Mate, she's just concerned you know… we both were. Dad floo-called saying you performed a Patronus and no one knew why."

Harry instantly felt guilty at hearing Ron's concerned voice and dropped his eyes down to stare at his hands resting on the table. He didn't like lying to his friends, but he couldn't explain the whole reason for leaving the property. It was bad enough that he invaded Snape's privacy and looked into the Pensieve, he would not make it worse by blabbing about the memory to other people, even if it were the two people he trusted most. Besides that though, he really didn't feel like explaining to them that his father wasn't anything like he thought.

"I'm sorry Hermione," he said glancing up. "Look, I'm just tired. It was a really long day. No one has any idea why the Dementors were even there, I had to convince Sirius that Snape didn't hurt me, the stupid Ministry is threatening to expel me and I have a stupid trial to worry about now, and then to finish the day off my scar had to start throbbing with pain again," he said dejectedly.

Ron's eyes grew extremely large as Harry finished ranting while Hermione's narrowed as though she were closing in on something important. Perhaps he had said a little more than he should have.

"So they really are threatening to expel you? Dad wasn't really sure what they would do," Ron said worriedly.

Harry nodded his head again.

"Wait, why did you have to convince Sirius that Professor Snape didn't hurt you?" Hermione asked.

_Shite. Definitely said more than I should have,_ Harry thought bitterly to himself. He unconsciously started rubbing the back of his neck again. "Umm, well I ran into these kids when I was out and they kinda jumped me," he said awkwardly, trying to focus his eyes anywhere, but on his two friends.

"What?" Hermione practically yelled in outrage, "What do you mean _jumped you_? Did they hurt you? Are you alright?"

Her eyes, along with Ron's now, raked over Harry's appearance even more. Thank god for Snape's amazing bruise cream.

"I'm fine," Harry mumbled back. "They didn't do anything."

"But you said you had to convince Sirius that Professor Snape didn't hurt you. So obviously you had some kind of injury or Sirius would never even think that," Hermione pried.

"Umm - Well - I kinda had a black eye and a little – cut on my head," he answered quietly. "It was nothing."

Hermione looked like she might burst into tears at any second. "Nothing," she repeated incredulously. "Harry, they hit you?"

For once, Ron thankfully had the foresight to jump in and rescue his clearly embarrassed friend. "Hermione, guys get black eyes and stuff all the time. Guys fight, it's completely normal. Geez, Harry has faced He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named how many times now? I think he can handle a black eye," he said, trying to cover his own concern for his best friend.

Harry paled a little at how right Ron unknowingly was. Yes, he did get black eyes all the time and he'd managed to handle it thus far.

Hermione continued to gaze at Harry uncertainly so he decided to fill in the rest of the story on his own terms rather than have her ask for every detail.

"Anyway, so then the Dementors came and I got rid of two of them that went after the kids, but I didn't see the third coming from the other side," he just had to adapt the story a tiny bit, "but then Snape showed up and got rid of it and we went back to the manor, and then the letter from the Ministry came before Snape could heal my eye and stuff and Sirius and Remus walked in right then when I was kind of freaking out, so Sirius just jumped to the wrong conclusion," and leave out all the horribly embarrassing details.

"Wow Mate," Ron replied. "Well you can't blame Sirius, that greasy git is always picking on you for no reason. What's to say he wouldn't hit you?"

"Ron!" Harry and Hermione cried in unison, causing the youngest male Weasley to jump back in surprise.

Harry couldn't help but glare at his friend. As thoroughly frustrating as the professor was in regards to his hot/cold attitude towards Harry, the man had been amazingly kind yesterday through most of the aftermath of the Dementors and even told him that he didn't hate Harry, almost as though he might actually like him a little. And although he hated that Snape sent him here when all he wanted was the comfort of his own room away from prying eyes, he could see the professor's motives. He couldn't let anyone bad mouth Snape anymore.

"Look Ron, Snape has been different. He's trying really hard to teach me everything okay, so don't ever accuse him of something like that again alright," Harry said sternly.

Hermione seemed to be beaming at Harry and his choice of words. Apparently, she had been planning on saying something similar.

"Okay, so maybe he would never hit you, but he definitely hasn't been very nice to you over the years, and maybe you can just forget that but I can't," Ron said defensively.

"It's not like I've been nice to him in return," said Harry.

"So what? He hated you from the minute you walked into his classroom and for no reason," said Ron.

"Listen," Hermione jumped in, "I think the point is that Harry and Professor Snape have realized they need to put aside their animosity Ronald, because there are more important things to focus on," she finished wisely.

Ron had a sour look on his face, but was stopped from any retaliation by the floo flaring up.

Snape stepped into the kitchen gracefully to catch, oddly enough, a look of relief flash through Harry's eyes. Inclining his head, he said, "Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Potter."

Harry had known it was all a nightmare, but a part of him still worried about the welfare of his professor while in the presence of that madman and he realized he was actually glad to see the man in question step through the grate.

"Good morning, Professor," Hermione chimed in cheerily, while Ron and Harry just nodded.

Severus made a point to give all three teens a sharp look, but he was more interested in one in particular. Harry looked like he barely slept, his scar was still a vivid red, and there were dark circles growing under his eyes.

"Am I correct to assume that you are prepared to leave, aside from saying goodbye to your godfather, Mr. Potter," Snape asked evenly.

"Yes Sir, if you don't mind," Harry replied quickly.

The child must definitely be growing on him. Any other day and Severus would have enjoyed calling Harry out in front of his friends on his lack of sleep or inability to follow directions, but now it seemed wiser and, Merlin he hated admitting this in regards to Harry Potter, more considerate to wait till they were alone.

"Go ahead," was Snape's only answer as he barely nodded his head.

Harry couldn't help but flash a tiny smile towards the professor before hurrying from the room to find Sirius, leaving an awkward Ron and a mischievous Hermione behind at the table.

"Professor," Hermione asked sweetly.

"Yes Miss Granger," Snape drawled. _What is_ _the know-it-all after now? _

"Did you see the dementors as well?" she asked innocently while Ron just sat gaping at her reckless bravery.

"Indeed," Snape replied while raising a suspicious eyebrow at the little witch.

"Why would they be so far away from Azkaban, Sir?" she probed further.

"That, Miss Granger, is an excellent question," said Snape.

Before Hermione could ask anything further, Harry and Sirius re-entered the room.

The two adults eyed each other, but made no auditory acknowledgement. Before the awkwardness became too much, Harry spoke up, "Well I'm ready, Sir."

The professor gestured towards the floo while Harry said quick goodbyes and then both made their way back to Snape's manor.

-SS-

_TBC…_

I apologize for the wait again… And perhaps a bit anti-climatic, but things need to calm down a little because there is plenty more excitement to come. Leave me something if you enjoyed the chapter – Mara :)


	14. Ch 14 Potions and Conversations

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this and I'm not making any money so please don't sue me. **

**A/N: **Thanks first to those who review every chapter. You guys are the greatest. I have to give some special acknowledgement to a new reader, ddamato for reviewing every chapter after just finding the fic. And finally, thanks to those anonymous reviewers who I cannot write back to personally. I did pretty good getting this up in about a week and it's longer than usual :) Oh and Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or Happy Friday! I hope you all enjoy.

**Warning: **OOC for Snape I suppose, but it is upon us and the time seemed right. It will still be slow going but there will be incidents from here on out where Snape may seem to be a lot more caring than his character in canon would have ever considered, but that's why you're all reading this right?

_From before…_

_The two adults eyed each other but made no auditory acknowledgement. Harry spoke up before the awkwardness became too much, "Well I'm ready, Sir." _

_The professor gestured towards the floo while Harry said quick goodbyes and then both made their way back to Snape's manor. _

**Chapter 14 – Potions and Conversations**

Harry stumbled into Snape's study and turned around in time to see his professor stepping through effortlessly, robes billowing around him. Harry wondered if he would ever manage to get used to the floo enough to look even remotely as graceful as his professor.

Snape came to stand directly in front of Harry and he could feel the professor's eyes scanning over him in much the same manner as Madame Pomfrey would when he wound up in the infirmary.

"I see you neglected to follow my directions, Mr. Potter," Snape said evenly.

"What?" Harry asked quickly. He had certainly been a brat last night, but he spent the night at Sirius' like he was instructed and never attempted to come back here. What other directions – _Oh crap_ – the cream for his scar!

Snape raised a skeptical eyebrow and amusingly watched the bewilderment on Harry's face morph into comprehension.

"Perhaps it would be more accurate to place blame on your incompetent guardian. Even a blast-ended screwt would be able to see that your scar is inflamed. Did you at least have the common sense to bring the balm back or will I need to supply you with yet another jar," he asked smoothly.

"No Sir, I mean, no I don't need another jar, it's right here," Harry rambled, as he pulled the jar from his pocket.

After a long pause Snape grew exasperated. "Now would be the time to apply it Mr. Potter, even being twelve hours late," he said, barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes.

Harry quickly fumbled with the lid and started rubbing a small amount of the strange numbing balm into his scar with one hand. Being slightly preoccupied, he was completely caught off guard by the professor's next question.

"What did you have for breakfast," Snape asked simply.

_Why did the professor care what Sirius fed him? _He hadn't thought anything about not eating the pancakes because of the intense conversation with Ron and Hermione, but now that he did give food any thought, nothing sounded even remotely appetizing.

"Umm, pancakes, Sir," he finally answered.

"I'm quite certain we have gone over how much I dislike lies, Mr. Potter," Snape said, earning a sharp glare from Harry. "Would you care for a second chance with that reply," he asked sarcastically.

Harry recapped the jar of balm while trying to come up with an answer. It was like the _git_ could read minds, and now he would probably force Harry to eat something, the whole 'no missing meals' crap from last night.

"Sirius made pancakes, but my stomach didn't feel good so I didn't have any," Harry finally answered.

The ridiculous brat would never get his appetite or strength back if he was allowed to continue missing meals and it was quite obvious to Severus that Harry's nerves were probably causing his lack of appetite.

"Perhaps a stomach soothing draught would be in order, because I assure you, skipping breakfast is not an option," said Snape.

Harry glared indignantly. "I'm really not hungry, Sir," he bit out.

"The potion, Mr. Potter, is your choice. The rest however, is non-negotiable. Make a decision or I will make it for you," said Snape, trying to keep his tone even and calm. He would not lose his patients with the child this early in the morning.

"Fine," Harry snapped. "And no, a potion will not be necessary, Sir," he finished with a hiss.

"Very well," Snape replied as he briskly walked to the kitchen, beckoning for Harry to follow.

With a flick of his wrist, there was a bowl of steaming oatmeal topped with sliced almonds and fresh blueberries in front of Harry along with a glass of pumpkin juice and some tea.

Severus had already eaten and instead of dining with Harry, poured himself a cup of tea, sipping it quietly while Harry picked at the bowl of porridge in front of him.

Harry was surprised with the professor's choice of breakfast. He had been expecting one of their more usual items, eggs, hashbrowns, or the likes, all of which were far too heavy for Harry's restless stomach. The oatmeal concoction was actually the perfect choice, but he still had a hard time eating it all and eventually took to just mashing it around with his spoon.

Harry finally found the courage to break the silence. "Sir, can I ask you what Voldemort wanted last night?"

Snape eyed Harry over his tea cup before setting it down gently. "_May_ you ask," he corrected.

"Right… May I ask what Voldemort wanted last night, Sir?" Harry tried again.

"No, you may not, Mr. Potter," Snape replied curtly.

Harry looked almost offended. "Why not?" he asked boldly.

"It does not concern you," said Snape flatly.

Harry let out a light snort. "Somehow I highly doubt that," he mocked before adding, "Sir."

Severus chose to ignore Harry's disrespectful tone for the moment. "As it is obvious you have enough on your plate, Potter, allow this to remain on mine," he said coldly. Harry looked as though he were about to protest further so Snape continued, "Now, that is sufficient both for our little chat and your breakfast. Go upstairs and get some sleep. We will resume lessons in the afternoon."

"Sleep?" Harry questioned, obviously taken aback and his anger momentarily forgotten. The professor had always been very strict on being up in time for breakfast and now he was telling Harry to go back to bed for the morning? "I'm not tired. We can start lessons now."

"Potter, it is apparent that you barely slept last night, even more so than usual, and it will not be beneficial for either of us if you are to fall asleep in your cauldron or blow up my lab. I deal with Longbottom enough throughout the school year. I will not have you emulating him here. Now go," Snape said sternly.

A part of Harry appreciated the half-concern the professor seemed to show, layered underneath insults, but the other part of Harry was annoyed at being treated like a five year old who needed a nap. "It will be a waste of your time, _Sir, _because I'm not going to be able to fall asleep. I am old enough to make it through the day without naptime," he sneered.

"And again, this is not up for discussion, so I suggest you go make your best attempt before I lose my patience, Potter," said Snape, his black eyes boring into Harry's and leaving no room for argument.

Harry huffed and finally stalked out of the room, leaving Snape with a satisfied smirk on his face.

_The stupid git! I don't need sleep. I certainly don't want sleep. And there is no way in hell I'm going to fall asleep,_ Harry fumed.

He crawled under the fluffy covers and sank into the wonderful softness of the large bed. He supposed, even if he couldn't fall asleep it was nice just to lay there. His mind wandered back to the thoughts from the previous night. This stupid room somehow made him feel safe, but what was it about it?

Maybe it was the bed itself and the wonderful covers, as if he could hide from the world and forget about all his troubles. Or perhaps it was more about the room? Snape, nor anyone for that matter had ever attacked him here. In fact, Remus had tried to comfort him here just yesterday and Snape had gently healed his wounds in this very room, sitting on this bed. But then the same could be applied to the whole house, and truthfully, Harry felt safe in the entire thing, even considering the frightening incident of upsetting the professor so severely yesterday. It seemed as though the man had forgiven him.

Then that brought things back to the man himself. Did Snape make Harry feel safe? That was kind of hard for Harry to admit. He had looked forward to that first potions lesson almost five years ago and was devastated when the professor seemed to hate him for no reason. In a way, that confusion caused Harry to seek the man's approval and respect even more. And after viewing Snape's memories, Harry now understood perfectly why the professor disliked him without really knowing him. Harry just hoped he could finally show Snape he was not like his father.

But it seemed that maybe the man had already stopped hating him. Snape had healed him twice already this summer, and promised that he would never have to go back to the Dursley's. And even though Harry still had a hard time believing that, the strictness of the professor's voice when he had said it made something warm burn in Harry's chest. Had the professor actually been upset on Harry's behalf? That was certainly a stray from precedents. And even though they bickered on and off most of the time Harry had been here, the professor made sure Harry ate properly and had enough rest. It was strange having someone take an active role in that aspect of his life. The Dursley's had actually deprived him of food and although Sirius had always supplied him with it whenever Harry stayed at Grimmauld Place, his godfather never paid much attention to whether Harry consumed it. It felt strangely nice to know Snape was looking out for these little things. Perhaps the professor did make him feel safe.

And with those warm thoughts, Harry drifted off to sleep.

-SS-

Severus gave Harry about twenty minutes before going to check on him. Standing in the doorway, his lips turned into a soft smirk, 'I'm not going to be able to fall asleep'_ indeed,_ Severus thought, as he watched Harry in peaceful slumber. The boy hadn't even fully shut the door and now he was nestled within the comforters, only his face and messy hair visible. Harry's features were soft. His face had regained some color making his scar less visible. His black lashes rested shut lightly and Severus could see the comforter rise and fall with even breaths. The child did actually look absolutely tranquil for once and it was a stark contrast from the pain and fright Severus had seen too many times on Harry's face the previous day. He stealthily snuck across the room to pluck Harry's glasses from his face and place them on the night stand, suppressing the urge to brush the hair off the child's forehead. He wasn't going that soft, at least not yet.

_You certainly have enough on your plate and I assure you, we will get through at least some of it before the summer is over, _Severus thought as he vacated the room, leaving Harry to his small moment of peace.

-SS-

A few hours later, a well-rested Harry and a smug looking Snape could be found brewing in the potions lab. Snape was extremely impressed, but slightly worried by the new vigor Harry attacked his work with. He was brewing with precision and obviously blocking out any external distractions. Perhaps Occlumency lessons today would prove to be interesting if the child could keep this level of concentration up. But on the other hand Severus could see that Harry was simply not dealing with everything on his mind. He wasn't his cheeky self and didn't even look pleased with himself when the potion turned out perfect.

"Hmm, a seemingly flawless calming draught. Bottle it off for Madame Pomfrey, she will find it acceptable," Snape said evenly.

Harry's eyes shot up to gaze at Severus' own dark orbs. The child was, without a doubt, astonished by the praise. The pure bliss that flashed through those sparkling emerald orbs lasted for only a second and surprisingly, Severus wished it would have stayed longer. In fact, he gained much more pleasure from that look than from any of the wounded glares one of his cutting remarks would illicit from Harry.

Harry immediately began prepping ingredients for a second potion and Severus concluded that there was no time like the present to start addressing issues. It was benefitting neither of them to keep putting things off.

"Potter," Snape said smoothly, never breaking from his own prepping. "I need to know everything that happened yesterday from the point you left the manor to the time I arrived at your location."

Harry's head snapped up abruptly, the scarab beetles he was crushing lay forgotten.

"The purpose of course is to investigate the presence of Dementors. Please do not leave any detail out no matter how inconsequential you believe it to be," he added after seeing Harry's trepidation.

The anxiety was still evident in Harry's features as he tried to go back to crushing the scarab beetles, but clearly doing a worse job of it. Still, it gave him something to occupy his hands, and Severus could tell it was relieving some of Harry's tension.

Harry swallowed hard before starting to recount the story. "Umm, I ran down the front walk and out onto the road and then down to that intersection. I didn't meet or see anyone or anything unusual on the way," he said quietly.

"What was the reason behind going in that direction?" Snape asked.

"Umm, none, Sir. I don't know why I picked that direction, I just did," Harry answered.

Snape nodded his head in acceptance and Harry took it as a sign to continue.

"So then I was standing at that intersection and I – I didn't know what to do, but those two kids came out from behind one of the buildings and kinda cornered me by the barn," he said nervously. "They were bigger than me and I knew I couldn't use magic," he added quickly, his eyes darting up to Severus to check his reaction.

Snape nodded again in approval, at least Harry had the common sense not to use magic unless it was essential. Although Harry was obviously embarrassed by the encounter with the two boys, he would need to elaborate a little more for Snape to get an accurate picture of everything that happened.

"What business did they want with you?" he asked Harry.

"Umm, money," he said as he took to dicing up a daisy root. "And they thought I was dressed a bit strangely, I still had my Quidditch cloak on."

Snape said nothing and Harry knew the professor required that he explain even further.

"Anyway, so the one punched me and my head hit one of the latches on the door I guess," Harry said quietly.

_That would explain the black eye and cut, _Severus thought inwardly. "Go on," he directed.

"So then I knew I had to get away from them so I pushed the one kid off me and pulled out my wand. I wasn't going to use it I swear," he said. "I just wanted to threaten them with it. Maybe scare them, I dunno," he trailed off.

"And did you use it," Snape asked extremely calmly. He wouldn't blame the child for defending himself, especially after all the bullying and torture said child had already been through.

"No sir," Harry answered quickly. "I swear. I mean… I don't think so. The kid I pushed away looked confused for a minute, but then they both just laughed at me, thinking I was crazy or something. And then the dementors came," he trailed off again with a puzzled expression on his face.

After a moment of silence and Harry still looking pensive, Snape spoke up. "You have thought of something. What is it?"

Harry looked up quickly, his wide emerald eyes meeting the professor's onyx ones. "Nothing, Sir, it's stupid," he said, still surprised at the man's intuition.

"I assure you, no detail involving this event will be considered _stupid_," Snape answered honestly while holding Harry's gaze, trying to quell the embarrassment the child seemed to be exuding.

Harry finally dropped his eyes back to the work his hands were supposed to be doing. "Well, I mean, it's just that, I'm not really that strong and the kid that had me pinned against the barn was a lot bigger than me." He chewed on his bottom lip for a minute before continuing. "When I threw him off me, I guess it seemed like I had more strength than usual, or maybe I just pushed him back farther than I thought I could. I dunno, even with the adrenalin, it just seems odd," he finished thoughtfully.

Severus couldn't stop the pride that welled inside of him. Not only did the usually impulsive and reckless Gryffindor deduce, more like a Slytherin he might add, that something was odd about that small interaction, but Harry had also managed to pull forth his accidental magic to protect himself, even if it ultimately led to the Dementor attack. And that small bout of accidental magic would explain what alerted the Ministry to his location. The scary part was how fast they were able to respond, as if they were just waiting for an opportunity to attack the child.

"I believe that would be your accidental magic kicking in," Snape said evenly.

Harry looked almost appalled. "What? Why? I mean, I haven't done accidental magic in years. Shouldn't I be able to control it by now?" he asked pitifully.

"I highly doubt that, Mr. Potter," Snape said and at Harry's even more dismayed look, corrected, "that you haven't done accidental magic in the last few years. Your magical core innately protects you. When you consciously decided to defend yourself without magic, your magical core kicked in to aid. Since you started honing your own magic, it would not have presented itself as obviously as it had before Hogwarts, but that does not mean it wasn't continuing to work for you. You may have noticed you heal quicker from injuries, or rather, injuries that would typically be life-threatening, did not result in your death," Snape finished.

He was quite satisfied with himself for killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. Not only did his words seem to relieve any anxiety or embarrassment Harry may have held over thinking he was not in control of his own magic, but Severus had also managed to approach the next topic he knew he needed to discuss with the child. He wouldn't bring up the abuse just yet, but he needed to let Harry know he had not forgotten about it nor would it simply be swept under the rug. And judging by the flash in Harry's eyes, the child certainly recognized Snape's last statement exactly as he intended it.

-SS-

After the completion of their second round of potions, Severus and Harry made their way up to the study for a short defense lesson before dinner. It went much like brewing had.

Harry seemed quiet and withdrawn yet he attacked as if his life depended on it and it was certainly becoming harder for Snape to get any hexes past the boy's shields.

Academically, Harry was making tremendous strides and Severus noted that they could begin officially dueling as early as next week.

By dinner they were both exhausted and ate slowly, content with the silence. Severus was pleased to see that Harry consumed a decent amount of his dinner before resigning to the old habit of toying with the remainder with his fork. He was a bit startled, though, when Harry broke the silence.

"Sir," Harry questioned. He had his head bowed, but his eyes were locked onto the professor, searching for the upcoming reaction. "What kind of potion did you give me last night?"

Setting his fork down silently, Severus reached for his tea cup while eyeing Harry for a moment. "It was a combination of a regular pain-relieving draught and an anti-cruciatus potion."

Severus watched as Harry digested that information and then apparently satisfied that Snape's voice held no hostility, spoke up again. "And you said you created it yourself, Sir?"

"Indeed, Mr. Potter," Severus answered. "Am I correct in assuming it worked sufficiently better than the double dose of regular pain-reliever?"

"Yeah it – I mean, yes, it worked really well," Harry replied, his face reddening a bit.

"And there were no side effects I should be aware of," Snape asked, ignoring the child's obvious embarrassment.

"No Sir, none at all," Harry answered quickly.

Severus nodded his head in satisfaction and resumed sipping his tea.

"It must have been a bother to make, Sir," Harry spoke up again.

Outwardly, Severus didn't let his astonishment show. Internally, Severus was almost as shocked as the previous night when Harry asked him not to go to the Death Eater meeting. _Was the child honestly embarrassed that he spent time making a suitable pain-reliever? _

"No, Mr. Potter, it was not an inconvenience, I simply worked on it while you were brewing," Snape said smoothly.

"Oh," was all Harry managed to reply.

For the next few minutes, Severus watched as a million emotions flashed across Harry's pensive face.

"Is there something more that concerns you, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked finally. Harry's sparkling emerald eyes flashed up to Snape's before dropping back to his fidgeting hands. Even with his impeccable hearing, Severus had to strain to catch a whisper resembling the word 'why' coming from Harry's mouth. _But the child couldn't possibly be asking why… Could he?_

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Potter," Snape prodded.

"Why," Harry said a touch louder, while chancing a glance up at his professor.

Even having already known that was what Harry was going to say, that simple little word almost shattered Severus' perfectly erected shields. Or perhaps it was the word and the combination of Harry's innocent emerald eyes gazing up at him in quiet desperation. Severus could clearly remember a situation quite similar to this involving those same eyes only they belonged to a red-headed girl and the roles were distinctly reversed. Snape had asked Lily 'Why she cared?' in almost the same manner that Harry was asking him now. And that much was obvious, that Harry was really asking why Severus _cared_.

Lily's child…

Harry…

"Why what, Harry?" The words were out of his mouth without even a conscious thought to using the boy's given name.

Harry's expression was unreadable, almost as if he hadn't quite heard Severus, yet he maintained eye contact.

"Why would I spend time creating a potion or why would I do it for you?" Snape continued, as if nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred.

Harry continued to return Severus' gaze with a blank stare, but Severus was certain he had the child's undivided attention. Usually this task was accomplished by fear and intimidation; today it took one simple slip of the tongue… 'Harry'.

"The obvious answer, Mr. Potter, would be that it is counter-productive to have you incapacitated every time this event occurs. We have far too much to accomplish in a short amount of time," Snape said as he set his teacup down again and clasped his hands in front of him, never taking his eyes off Harry's. He could tell by the way the boy's eyes flashed for a moment, Harry had been expecting an answer along those lines, however, it was also evident the child was a little disappointed with this reason.

"But the other answer, Mr. Potter, is that no child in my care should have to suffer in pain if I am capable of preventing it." _There, now that was beginning to get a reaction from the boy. _Severus watched as Harry swallowed hard yet seemed incapable of peeling his eyes away from Severus' own.

"And, although I am quite certain it was drilled into your head from a young age, the idea that you are undeserving of a simple pain remedy is completely false. You are worthy of the time and effort." Severus watched Harry's adam's apple bob up and down before he dropped his eyes.

"Right," Harry muttered softly.

It was evident by the silence that ensued that Harry was extremely uncomfortable with the line of conversation and Severus decided he wouldn't push Harry to speak about his relatives too fast. It wasn't something he was looking forward to himself.

"You have noticed that in brewing different potions, the temperature or time over heat varies, have you not," Snape asked as Harry's eyes shot up, obviously afraid of what the professor was going to ask next.

Harry was extremely grateful the question was not about his relatives. The professor was so hard to figure out. One minute he seemed cold and uncaring and the next he was saying the most unlikely things, things no one had ever really said to Harry.

"Yes, Sir," he finally replied, content with a more academic conversation.

"Different ingredients melt or boil at different temperatures or require sustained heat for a longer period of time in order to achieve the necessary results in a particular potion," said Snape.

Harry nodded his head in understanding.

"This is not usually covered at Hogwarts until Newt level, but there is a certain class of ingredients that, in combination with others, can drastically alter the boiling or melting point of a potion," Severus continued as it seemed he had captured Harry's attention.

"They're called a flux, right Sir?" Harry chimed in quickly.

"Indeed," Snape answered, internally beaming with pride. This wasn't a topic he covered with students until sixth year and even then, they barely broke the surface of the subject.

"I was reading about them in one of your library books while I was doing my potion's homework," Harry indulged further, unsure of whether the professor was pleased or not. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. That is what the library is for," Snape said, giving Harry an amused look. "Perhaps you could tell me which ingredient is the flux in a pain-relieving draught?"

Harry's eyes darted around quickly searching his brain. He had definitely read through the list of fluxes, extremely intrigued with the concept. _Which one was it? I know I saw it. _"Powdered white-willow bark," he finally remembered.

"Precisely. And would you also be able to recall the flux in an anti-cruciatus potion," Snape continued.

Seeing a frown grace Harry's face, Snape added, "It would be understandable if you were not familiar with it, as we have not even covered that potion in any of your texts thus far, let alone the concept of which ingredients are fluxes."

"No, I read about it, I just…" Harry said trailing off as he clenched his lower lip between his teeth in concentration. "It's a weird name… powdered kotu, no," he said shaking his head. "Powdered Gotu Kola?"

Severus couldn't stop the tiniest of grins from creeping across his face this time. It was like their first potion's lesson all over again, only this was the way it should have went five years ago, with him asking appropriate, if not slightly demanding questions, and Harry getting them all right.

"That is indeed correct, Mr. Potter," Snape said smoothly, watching Harry's face light up for a second time that day from the unaccustomed praise. "There in lied the problem with combining them for one potion. The two fluxes can create completely opposite reactions when combined. Do you understand?"

Harry nodded his head. "So, I'm assuming you test them first to see how they react, but if they don't work, what do you do to get them to work together correctly," Harry asked, honestly intrigued.

Severus watched Harry's eyes in amazement. Just like in Lily, he could see the millions of thoughts formulating just under the surface of those glassy, emerald orbs, and it was extremely pleasant to watch Harry as his mind churned, searching for a solution.

"Your assumption is correct. That is your starting point, seeing exactly how the two ingredients interact in the first place. In a perfect world you wouldn't need to go any further. However, as you and I both know, this is far from a _perfect _world," Snape said with a smirk. "The next step is simply trial and error with the addition of another ingredient."

Enjoying the professor's sarcasm when it wasn't actually directed at him, Harry gave the professor a light grin in return before his mind returned to the topic at hand. "So how many tries did it take you Sir? And what was the ingredient?" Harry asked.

Snape's amused smirk seemed to be sticking around longer than he had originally planned. It seemed that this summer, the child was constantly overthrowing every assumption Severus had originally held against Harry. He had simply never seen Harry put this much effort into any of his potion's assignments nor seem so completely enthralled with the topic.

"It actually only took me two tries to find the correct ingredient, Potter, and perhaps you might be able to figure out which ingredient it was on your own," Snape drawled.

Seeing Harry's brow furrow in confusion, Snape continued, "What was the problem we were attempting to correct from taking a double dose of regular pain-reliever?"

"That it knocked me out," Harry stated sarcastically, clearly still baffled.

"And thus I would need to add _what_ to a new potion, to avoid the outcome, as you so eloquently put it, of _'knocking you out'_," Snape directed Harry further.

"Some type of stimulant I guess," Harry said almost to himself.

"Precisely, Potter," said Snape. "And can you think of any ingredients off the top of your head that work much like muggle caffeine?"

Harry's eyes darted around the room, never lingering for more than a minute in any one place. "Doesn't peppermint oil dispel drowsiness?"

Severus nodded his head at Harry. "Indeed it does, and by adding a few drops it created the correct consistency for a pain-reliever potion. I tried it on myself and was satisfied it would give you the results we were looking for," he said.

Harry's eyes grew large. "You tried it on yourself?" he asked concerned. "But how – I mean – what if something went wrong, what if-"

"Potter," Snape said raising a hand to cut Harry off. "Are you doubting my brewing skills or simply my knowledge of ingredient interactions?" he smirked.

"No Sir," Harry added hastily. "I just-"

"I know what you are doing," Snape said, cutting Harry off again. "And it is appreciated, but unnecessary."

Harry sat speechless, just staring at the professor's face, trying to decipher his last statement and judge the sincerity. It was as if Snape could tell what he was thinking before Harry even said it and the man always knew what to say to appease Harry's anxiety. He would hate to know that Snape put himself in danger, or even just had some minor reactions to a potion if it was one the professor was making for him. He felt guilty over enough things right now.

"Perhaps during our next lab session, I can instruct you on how to brew it," Snape said evenly.

"I'd like that, Sir," Harry answered.

"Well then, as you have managed to prolong dinner enough that we have missed half an Occlumency lesson, I believe it is finally time to retire to the study," Snape drawled, lifting one eyebrow sarcastically.

Harry caught the hint of humor in Snape's voice, realizing the professor wasn't honestly angry, but Harry apologized all the same while following Snape out of the kitchen. He hadn't really tried to delay the Occlumency lesson. The conversation, or at least the potions conversation, seemed to flow so easily between the two and Harry was actually enjoying himself. Now that he remembered Occlumency, he wished they didn't have to partake in this one little activity and could go back to that conversation. Before they got to the study however, Snape stopped them.

"Have you read the book I gave you on Occlumency?" Severus asked, already knowing the answer.

Harry dropped his head in embarrassment. He certainly couldn't lie to the professor, because the man would know instantly, but he wasn't looking forward to the lecture he was about to receive. "No, Sir, not yet," he said, his voice echoing off the large entryway louder than he had originally spoke.

"Go upstairs and get the book and meet me back in the study," Snape said smoothly. "We will forgo a practical lesson this evening so that you can begin that book and ask any questions that may arise while reading."

To say Harry was relieved was an understatement. Not only did Snape not lecture him about the book, but he also got out of Occlumency. He tore up the stairs quickly to follow the professor's orders so he wouldn't change his mind.

Watching Harry run up to his room, Severus couldn't help, but think how at home the boy seemed, and surprisingly, Severus didn't seem to dislike that idea either. The child had been on edge and miserable most of the summer thus far, so any moment in which he seemed content eased Severus' own anxiety, not to mention, it brought a tiny bit of warmth to his chest to know that he was the cause of Harry's contentment. It was a far cry from a normal teenager's life, but Harry would get there one day.

When Harry had defended him in front of his own godfather, it really did change something in Severus. And after all the times that Severus treated Harry rottenly, the boy still cared about Severus' well being. At first it had absolutely astonished Severus, but now he realized it just proved how much more the child was like Lily. The least Severus could do to repay the boy was prove that Harry could trust him and open up to him.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Next up: How will Harry deal with a vision, who did Harry see in it, and will we see a softer side to Snape?

- Mara


	15. Ch 15 Please Believe Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this and I'm not making any money so please don't sue me. **

**A/N: **Thanks to all the wonderfully kind reviews after my whiny A/N at the end of last chapter. I felt a little like Harry, desperately needing approval, haha :) But you all stepped up to the plate and made me feel so much better, so on we charge.

**Ch 15 – Please Believe Me**

When Harry made it back down to the study, Snape was sitting at his desk going through some paperwork. The professor instructed him to take a seat on the sofa, which Harry did a bit hesitantly.

Even with this different, slightly nicer Snape, _as if Snape could ever be _nice, it was weird just sitting amicably in the same room with the man while both completed their own tasks, not to mention the last time Harry was here on this sofa, the situation certainly hadn't been too pleasant for either of them. But the professor had already gone back to his work and Harry resigned his stupid fears and sat down to begin reading.

The time passed quickly and comfortably for both occupants of the study.

Severus couldn't help but glance over at Harry every so often, which he told himself of course, was only to make sure the child was still on task. Harry was so engrossed in the book that he never even noticed the gesture though.

Severus could see Harry rubbing his arms to warm them up in between turning pages. _It is a chilly summer night and the foolish child is only wearing a t-shirt as usual_. _There is a blanket draped right over the arm of the sofa._ _What in god's name is stopping him from using it?_ Severus thought to himself.

"Potter, you do know what a blanket is for, do you not," he drawled from across the room while keeping his eyes glued onto his own work.

It must have taken Harry a minute to realize there was even a blanket there, but he only replied, "Yes, Sir, but I'm fine."

"Potter, I do not own them for decoration and you are cold," Snape prodded further, still not looking up at Harry. But after a moment he could hear the rustling of the book, knowing the child must have finally taken his directions.

It was the same maroon, green, and gold blanket Harry had noted the first time he had seen this room so many weeks ago. That day had been absolutely dreadful, and the only way Harry had kept his nerves in check had been by surveying the details of Snape's study. The way the blanket had been draped over the one chair, Harry had known Snape must use it and the room often. It had made everything seem cozy, which, back then was a very strange idea when thinking of Snape. Now it seemed more plausible, and the professor seemed much more human.

With the warm, soft blanket, and the late hour, Harry couldn't stop his eyes from drifting shut… only for a moment, he thought.

Severus wasn't ready to stop the research he was working on, but it was half past ten and definitely time for Harry to head to bed. He looked over at the child, prepared to instruct him to finish the book tomorrow when he realized Harry was fast asleep. He couldn't help but grin, thinking back at the brat's snotty remark about not being able to fall asleep this morning.

Harry had his legs curled up under him on the couch and the blanket had slipped off his shoulders a bit as his head lolled to the side. The sight caused something in his chest to clench suddenly and Severus couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he hadn't screwed everything up with Lily. _Could Harry have been his child? Would this be a normal occasion, like any other night, father and son, working together in the study until Harry fell asleep on the couch? And what would Severus do? _

_The Professor Snape of just a month ago would certainly wake the Potter brat and tell him to get to bed_, Severus thought to himself as he snatched Harry's glasses off the tip of his nose and quietly set them on the coffee table. And then, perhaps with the thought of his own son in mind, Severus carefully pulled the blanket back up over Harry's shoulder.

_When did he go from fantasizing about Lily to daydreaming about their son? But not just any son would do… no it would have to be this boy, _Severus thought bitterly.

Walking back to his desk to finish his work, Severus figured he could indulge the child this one time and no one would ever have to know. No one of course, except the ridiculously, annoying, meddling, old fool that was Albus Dumbledore, whose head conveniently popped into Severus' fire that moment and whose blue eyes were twinkling fiercely as he gazed at the sleeping Harry Potter and then over to Severus.

Severus sneered at his employer, wishing he could wipe that grin right off the man's face with a caustic remark, but held his tongue in fear of waking Harry. Severus almost visibly winced at that thought. Since when did he care if he woke Harry Potter?

"Severus," Dumbledore whispered warmly. "I require your presence at an Order meeting as soon as you can come through."

Severus gave the headmaster a curt nod and a cold stare which Albus returned with an all-too-knowing smile.

After transferring his fond gaze to Harry the Headmaster finally disappeared from the fire.

Scribbling a quick note to Harry, Severus followed the headmaster's path, internally hoping the sound of the floo wouldn't wake the boy.

-SS-

Harry dreamed he was starting the Tri-Wizard tournament again and Ron was pestering him to be able to compete too. Harry tried to offer Ron his place, saying he never wanted to be in it in the first place, but Ron just started shouting at him… _"You lied Harry! You lied to all of us! I thought we were friends! No one will ever trust you Harry."_ Harry tried to protest, begging Ron to believe he really didn't enter his own name in the goblet, but Hermione showed up and started yelling back at him as well. _"Harry, he'll never believe you. No one will ever believe a word you say anymore." _Finally Harry was begging Snape to help him get out of competing…

Then the dream changed…

He felt taller and stood purposefully on a high hill, looking down on a familiar plot of land. A lopsided house stood dark and quiet in a small crop of trees. There were other people around him… waiting for him… waiting for instructions. Finally, Harry motioned with his hands… with his long skeletal-like fingers, for the others to move forward… and he hissed… _"Attack"_… Four hooded figures took off for the house, lighting fire to everything in their path…

Finally a light appeared from within the house. Harry felt pleased to know it hadn't been empty like he had originally thought. A young red-headed male could be seen firing hexes out the front door, accompanied by an older man with messy brown hair…

Fires around the property lit up the battle scene with a spectacular orange glow while hexes flew in every direction. Screams came from both sides as curses hit their marks and the two men seemed to be putting up an excellent battle against Harry's own four…

All the while, Harry stood rooted to his spot, seemingly undisturbed by the chaos that reigned around him. In fact he was pleased by it…

He threw his head back and let out the most spine-chilling cackle… one that didn't seem to belong to him, but one he had definitely heard before.

Pain ripped through his forehead and Harry forced his eyes open only to immediately clench them shut again. His entire body was drenched in a cold sweat and his head felt like it would burst open any second. Trying to disentangle himself from Snape's blanket through the haze of pain and disorientation, Harry fell from the sofa landing hard on his side. He tried to push himself up while clutching at his head, but he was making terrible progress.

"Snape," he finally cried out. The man was usually at his side by now. _Where is he?_

Suppressing the bile that was building in the back of his throat, Harry finally pushed himself up and opened his eyes enough to scan the surrounding area for his glasses. Catching sight of them and the note directly in front of him on the coffee table, Harry realized why Snape hadn't answered his distress calls.

Trying desperately to catch his breath and willing himself not to throw up, Harry shakily crawled towards the floo, mustering all the strength he could find. He had to tell someone immediately.

Harry fell to the floor of his godfather's kitchen without knowing how he had managed the strength to reach the floo powder. Already on his hands and knees, he finally couldn't suppress the urge and retched all over the tile floor. He was vaguely aware of the figures that rushed towards him but immediately recognized the calming presence of the professor's hand on his back.

"Potter! Harry! _Harry!" _

Too many voices seemed to be shouting at him, but he had to explain… he had to tell them… someone had to send help…

"The burrow," he panted, trying desperately to get everything out before throwing up again. "Attacked…" The whole room was spinning even behind his closed eyelids.

"He's ill," a female voice sounded from somewhere above him.

"Severus, why didn't you call me," another female voice scolded. "Let me through."

"No, the Burrow," Harry rasped out again, still clutching his forehead and leaning into the strong arm at his back. "Remus and Bill… they need help…"

"He's delirious. He must be running a fever," the second female voice spoke again much closer.

"Back off woman," Snape said firmly, holding his left arm out so Molly couldn't approach any further.

"Potter," Snape said forcefully causing Harry to finally open his eyes through the blinding pain.

"You were dreaming," Snape said, but Harry could see in the man's eyes that it was more of a question. _Snape wasn't doubting him!_ The dark orbs swirled with a foreign emotion, one Harry had only seen a few times in those eyes, one that looked very much like concern.

"Yes, dear, you were only dreaming," Molly said frantically from somewhere behind Snape.

The professor completely ignored her and whispered, "Harry," for his ears only.

"No," Harry answered seriously, shaking his head. "I wasn't – I mean I was – but this part was different – I was there – I," Harry swallowed the bile back down, "I told them to attack," he finished with his own whisper, but unlike the professor's, it was caught by everyone.

He could hear the other occupants of the room talking in hushed voices, but it didn't matter. He had to make them understand, at least make Snape understand. And it seemed he had succeeded in that last part as the professor had turned away to speak to someone else. Harry pulled away from the professor just in time to throw up again off to the side.

The action caused Snape to immediately turn his attention back to Harry and with a wave of his wand the vomit was gone.

The pain in his head was slowly ebbing away, allowing Harry to listen to the surrounding conversations better. He sat shivering slightly and leaning heavily on the hand that never left his back, but kept his eyes shut trying to rid his body of the dizziness that kept threatening to overtake him.

Turning between Albus and Molly, Severus spoke purposefully. "Are _they_ at the Burrow?"

"Bill was working on the wards and Remus offered to help tonight. Arthur was supposed to go there later when he got off work," Molly answered nervously. "But certainly Severus, you can't possibly be suggesting that – that what Harry is saying is…" she trailed off.

"Albus," Severus questioned.

"HARRY," Sirius shouted as he burst into the room and immediately took up residence on Harry's right side opposite Snape. "What happened? What the hell is going on?"

Harry felt strangely cold by the withdrawal of that steadying hand as he was pulled possessively to Sirius' side. The sudden movement immediate brought back the desire to throw up again.

Sirius was looking frantically between all occupants of the room and glaring daggers at Snape, who seemed to be too close to Harry for Sirius' comfort.

"Harry, you said you dreamt about the Burrow," Dumbledore finally asked.

"It wasn't a dream," Harry said bitterly. _Why wouldn't they understand that? _He opened his eyes to scan the room that had finally stopped spinning. He was leaning up against Sirius' shoulder, but Snape was still crouched on the other side of him. He could see Molly fidgeting nervously just behind Snape and Tonks, Moody, and Kingsley Shacklebolt stood behind her. Dumbledore was much farther away on his other side by the table. "At first I was dreaming, but then it changed and it wasn't a dream! I know it wasn't a dream! I could see the Burrow and four Death Eaters attacked it, lighting everything on fire and Bill and Remus were trying to fight back from the front door, and everyone was throwing hexes, and you need to help them…"

Dumbledore stood staring transfixed at a spot across the kitchen and nowhere near Harry. The gesture did not go unnoticed by either Snape or Harry.

Too much time passed without a response and Harry raised his voice. "I'm not lying! I saw it happen! I was there! I – I told them to attack!"

Sirius looked stricken at the sound of hearing Remus might be in danger. He thought for sure he must have missed a large piece of the puzzle and again searched the rest of the adult's faces for some type of answer.

It was lucky that Dumbledore finally spoke up, as Severus was getting just as tired as Harry in waiting for some type of action.

"Four, you said," Dumbledore asked while still staring across the room at no one in particular.

"Yes," Harry said, clearly exasperated.

"Nymphadora, Kingsley, Alastor, if you would accompany me," Dumbledore spoke calmly.

"Wait," Sirius practically shouted at the headmaster before turning to Harry and speaking in a much softer voice, "Harry, are you sure Remus and Bill are in trouble?"

"YES! And I'm fine! Would you all just go," Harry shouted, outwardly showing much more composure than he possessed.

Sirius was torn between staying with Harry and going to help save his friend, the only remaining Marauder he had left. Watching Harry push himself away and stand, albeit a little shakily, but appearing as though he really were okay, made up Sirius' mind. "I'm going with you."

"Sirius," Dumbledore started to protest.

"NO! You cannot stop me Albus. I'm going with or without your approval," Sirius growled.

"I'm coming too," Mrs. Weasley spoke up.

"No Molly, the children need you here," Dumbledore ordered. "We will send word as soon as possible. You should contact Arthur."

The five wizards swept out of the kitchen with no other words, leaving an awkward trio behind.

Mrs. Weasley looked extremely nervous and Harry wondered what the hands on that magical clock might be pointing at now for Bill… or Remus for that matter, if he had been on it. Harry couldn't hide the shivers anymore that were still racing through his body and he could feel Snape's eyes discreetly raking over his appearance.

"Oh Harry dear, come have a seat, I'll make you some tea," Molly finally said as she bustled towards Harry.

"No, Mrs. Weasley, that won't be necessary. I have some potions Potter will need to take," Snape said evenly. "It would be best if we return to my manor."

Harry swallowed thickly, silently thanking Snape for the reprieve from Mrs. Weasley's presence. He may have loved the woman almost like a mother, but right now he didn't think he could stand to sit here and wait with her. What if something awful happened to Bill and Remus? It had been Harry who had ordered the attack, hadn't it?

Mrs. Weasley looked even more crestfallen, but nodded her head in approval, knowing Severus was right. "I have to contact Arthur and find out whether he has left work," she said almost to herself.

"Indeed," Snape said. "Please send word as soon as you hear anything." Turning back to Harry he took a light grip on Harry's left arm and guided him through the floo before depositing him on the couch back in the study.

Harry felt so strange. He was still extremely sweaty and cold and his head felt like one big cloud. He didn't even try to protest while Snape had led him back to the study and now he just sat still, save for the light tremors in his upper body, and stared into the crackling fire. _How could he have been there? And why was he giving the instructions? And why wouldn't the headmaster even look at it? Was he possessed by Voldemort? Is that what this mind connection means? Voldemort can possess him now? And he failed by not learning Occlumency…_

Severus rushed over to his potion's cabinet for a calming draught, a stomach soothing draught, and perhaps a pain reliever, all the while trying to keep an eye on Harry. In the last few minutes in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, the boy had morphed into a zombie, seemingly pulled into his own head, and by the looks of it, trapped there with some very unpleasant thoughts. And knowing Harry as well as he did now, he was confident the child had come up with some wonderfully self-deprecating explanations as to what had happened. And then Albus' behavior just topped it all off. He barely reacted to the boy stumbling into the kitchen obviously ill and then he wouldn't even look at the child.

Comfort was certainly not Severus' forte, but he knew he couldn't let this pass without making the boy talk. He could have left that job for Molly and even for a minute, Black seemed to be doing a decent job, before the fool rushed off that is, but for some reason Severus had become a bit possessive and nothing seemed satisfactory except to tend to the boy in the manner he saw fit. It was with a bit of sickening pleasure that Severus thanked Black for abandoning the child. Of course, Severus was starting to see that Harry put up a pretty decent façade, one he hadn't been able to look past before, but could easily see straight through now.

Severus approached the couch slowly and with far more potions than were necessary. Harry had yet to relax into the sofa and instead sat perched on the edge, his arms wrapped around his own torso, and his upper body rocking slightly. Crouching next to him, Severus saw how glazed over those precious emerald eyes were as they stared into the fire. They had had a decent day, with no hostilities, and almost seemed to be making progress, and then something like this had to happen.

"Potter," he said in an uncharacteristically soft voice.

As if being snapped out of a trance, Harry's eyes flashed over to Snape's voice before looking back towards the fire. "I'm fine, Sir," he said and then, looking over all the vials on the coffee table, "I don't need a potion, my head doesn't hurt anymore."

Severus couldn't help, but roll his eyes. "Potter, you are certainly not _fine_," he said, the last word dripping with sarcasm.

Perhaps too much sarcasm…

"FINE," Harry shouted as he finally snapped. His eyes had taken on a crazy gleam and he jumped from the couch, almost startling Severus. "FINE, OKAY, I'M NOT FINE! I WAS JUST POSSESSED BY VOLDEMORT AND ORDERED DEATH EATERS TO ATTACK MY BEST FRIEND'S HOUSE WITH HIS BROTHER AND MY OLD PROFESSOR INSIDE!" he screamed, gesturing madly with his arms and gasping to catch his breath. "AND GOD KNOWS IF THEY WILL GET THERE ON TIME, AND DUMBLEDORE KNOWS, HELL, THE WHOLE ROOM KNOWS, THEY ALL HEARD ME, DUMBLEDORE WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE, HE KNOWS IT'S MY FAULT, HE KNOWS I DID IT!" He ranted until his voice caught in his throat.

Harry had been oblivious to the tears that were streaking down his face up until this point, or the shudders that were racking through his body, threatening to collapse him at any minute. But the exhaustion and pressure were taking a physical toll, and collapse he did… except before his knees slammed into the floor, he was caught from behind by a strong set of arms. His knees met the wood gently and Harry allowed the strong arms wrapped around his torso to support him as he continued to cry.

"I can't do it… I can't do it anymore… I can't be me… I don't want to be Harry Potter… I don't want…" Harry said in shuddering gasps of air.

He knew he was being such a baby, and the professor must hate this, but Harry couldn't help but fear what would happen if the professor pulled away. He needed this… he needed someone… no matter how much he told everyone he was fine… no matter how much he pushed everyone away… he needed someone to take care of him.

The situation was uncomfortable to say the least. Severus had only caught Harry to stop him from injuring himself on the fall, but now he knew he couldn't let go of the child like this, not after hearing the heart-breaking words Harry was uttering. And he certainly couldn't answer any of Harry's fears until he calmed down enough to actually listen.

Severus had no idea how to comfort Harry and resigned to sit awkwardly, holding the child against his own chest. It seemed like an eternity before the incomprehensible mutterings had ceased and Harry's breathing started to even out, synchronizing with Severus' own.

Severus spoke up, but did not release his grip on Harry. "You were not possessed by the Dark Lord."

"But-" Harry started to whisper in an extremely exhausted gasp of air.

"You did not leave the manor, and therefore, could not have been possessed by anyone. It is unfortunate that you had to witness everything, but it was certainly not you who was actually giving the orders. You were simply observing things from that point of view" Severus continued, ignoring Harry's protest.

Severus gave Harry a few minutes for his words to sink in and after receiving no other protests from the boy, he spoke again. "We will discuss this at better length another time. Now it is time for you to get some rest."

At those words, Harry finally pulled away and turned to face the professor, pushing himself a few feet away on the floor. "No, I need to know if they are okay," he said desperately.

"Please, sir," he added after a moment of hesitation.

And how could Severus refuse those emerald orbs, sparkling with the remnants of tears? "Very well, you can sleep on the sofa," he said and at seeing Harry's eyes light up he continued more firmly. "But you _will _sleep. The choice is yours between a calming draught and a dreamless sleep potion," he finished as he stood and swept back over to the coffee table to collect the two potions in question.

Harry had made no effort to get up and just sat on the floor staring after the professor. Actually, he spent a lot of time down here because of Occlumency lessons, Harry thought to himself before shaking his head and trying to focus back on the current situation. _He would never be able to sleep while worrying about Remus and Bill, and hated the idea of taking a dreamless sleep potion and not being told if something happened to them. But if he took the calming draught it might make him drowsy… he was exhausted. What if he fell asleep and then awoke from a terrible nightmare right in front of the professor? _Harry was pulled from his own thoughts by the professors hand on his arm, pulling him to standing and forcing him to take up residence on the sofa again.

"Will you wake me, if you hear anything, Sir?" Harry asked quickly.

"I will wake you if anything undesirable has transpired, Potter," Snape said while nodding and holding out the two vials.

Harry searched the professor's face for any hint of deception and upon finding none, made his decision, the lesser of two evils. "The dreamless sleep then," he finally said.

Severus eyed Harry for a second before handing over the correct vial. He had been certain Harry would choose the calming draught in an attempt to stay as awake as possible or be more easily roused if he did fall asleep. But obviously the child chose the dreamless sleep for a reason and Severus was extremely curious as to what that reason was.

Harry downed the vial in one go and handed it back to the professor and pulled his glasses off as he started to lie down. Severus snatched the spectacles out of the child's hand and set them on the coffee table before grabbing the blanket from the floor and handing it to Harry. He gave Harry one last sweeping look before returning all the unused potion vials to the cabinet and withdrawing a tumbler and bottle of fire whiskey at his desk.

TBC…

Next up: Was Harry dreaming? Or what happened to Bill and Remus if he wasn't? And lots of inner turmoil for our two favorite wizards, Harry and Sev…

Leave me some love, the next chapter was torture to write for some reason, so I will probably be picking at it for the next week while I write the one after that. –Mara

And I'm still utterly amazed that we are so close to 200 reviews! That just blows me away! Thank you all!


	16. Ch 16 I Don't Need Anyone

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thank you all soooo much for the wonderful reviews. I am shocked and amazed every time I check my e-mail and see your wonderful feedback. Also, Remus says thanks to all those who showed their support for his well-being, apparently we have a lot of Remus fans out there :) Poor Bill though… haha.

Also, if you like the Snape mentors Harry genre, Sadakat is writing The Sleeping Sickness, which I just started reading. It's in progress, but a fabulous fic so far with a really great song as the title and chapter titles. And if anyone knows of other good fics, please send them my way. I'm always interested in reading more.

_From Before…_

_Harry downed the vial in one go and handed it back to the professor and pulled his glasses off as he started to lie down. Severus snatched those out of the child's hand as well and set them on the coffee table before grabbing the blanket from the floor and handing it to Harry. He gave Harry one last sweeping look before returning all the unused potion vials to the cabinet and withdrawing a tumbler and bottle of fire whiskey at his desk. _

**Ch. 16 – I Don't Need Anyone**

Severus watched Harry as he swirled the amber liquid around in his glass. The boy's eyes had fallen shut, and by the sounds of his breathing, he was already asleep.

_Oh what in Merlin's name did he get himself? _There were points in Severus' own childhood when he wished he was someone else, or just for it all to end, when he didn't think he could survive his father's wrath one more day… especially after his mother died. But looking back on it all, Severus hadn't been through half as much as Harry had when he was the boy's age. The pressure Harry was under, the constant assault from every side, and the lack of stability, would have been enough to make a grown man crumble. At least Severus had his mother most of his childhood. There had been no one to protect Harry all these years. In fact, the pressure Harry was surviving with at the age of fifteen rivaled Severus' own as a spy now. It was a wonder the child managed to keep going at all.

Severus savored the burning sensation in his throat from the fire whiskey as the same thoughts kept repeating themselves in his head. He sat like that for a long time, just staring at the sleeping boy on his couch and taking a small sip every now and then.

Finally green flames erupted in the grate and out stepped Albus Dumbledore in a swirl of turquoise robes.

Refusing to give his mentor a decent look of acknowledgement, Severus kept his eyes glued to Harry and continued the repetitive actions he'd been partaking in for the past hour.

Dumbledore regarded Harry with a fond look before sweeping over to Snape's desk and dropping into a newly conjured, comfy purple armchair. With another wave of his hand, a strong silencing charm encased the two men around the desk.

"Bill Weasley is at St. Mungo's. He sustained some burns and will need to stay about a week, but will make a full recovery," Dumbledore said, gazing intently at Snape over his half-moon spectacles.

"And the wolf," Snape asked matter-of-factly.

"Remus has already been released to Poppy's care and should be able to return to Headquarters tomorrow," Dumbledore answered.

Snape nodded his head minutely before taking another sip. Even with his employer sitting almost directly in his line of vision, Severus still managed to avoid eye contact. He was still extremely bitter about Albus' treatment of Harry because of principle, he tried to convince himself.

"And how is Harry?" Dumbledore asked sincerely while turning towards the child on the couch.

Snape's eyes flashed menacingly up to the elder wizard. "As if you honestly care," he hissed, knowing full well that Albus did indeed care.

"Severus," Dumbledore started to admonish.

"That child staggered into the kitchen before collapsing and you barely moved a muscle," Snape continued coldly, noticing Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes looked more tired than usual. He wouldn't be deterred, however, and continued to drive his point home. "You wouldn't even look at him. In your amazing wisdom, you cannot possibly believe that gesture went unnoticed by the boy," he spat out. "Even if Harry hadn't told me himself, it was obvious he was crushed by your lack of concern."

Dumbledore finally dropped his eyes, as if extremely exhausted. "Severus, you know why I must distance myself," he said.

"And you don't think we have made enough mistakes by that child," he all but yelled through clenched teeth. Severus knew he was stepping over the line, but then again, he never was able to control his temper when it involved Harry-bloody-Potter. He finally dropped his own eyes down to the glass of whiskey in front of him, knowing his words had been cruel yet too stubborn to make amends for his statements.

Dumbledore reached out and placed a hand on Snape's own before speaking quietly. "I do not enjoy this course of action, but with the connection Harry has to Voldemort, it is necessary," he said before hesitating for a second. "AND… I do believe you were comfort enough for him."

Severus snatched his hand away as if burned before an awful laugh escaped his lips. "Comfort, from me?" he said sarcastically. "You certainly have lost your mind now."

Dumbledore let out his own, heartfelt, chuckle, giving Severus that all-too-knowing smile again. "Yes Severus, don't think I missed how you supported Harry. That small gesture brought him a lot of comfort. I may have kept my distance and am getting old, but I'm not blind yet."

Severus leveled Dumbledore with a glare worthy of dissolving an entire first-year potions class into tears.

"Don't worry Severus, Harry and I are the only two who caught your actions," Dumbledore continued, completely unfazed by the death glare. "Well and Sirius did look a bit put off."

"The child has no stability and is under too much pressure. He needs more than what he can find here, and I doubt he can withstand much more, especially after the man he considered a _mentor_ has seemingly broken all ties," Snape sneered, trying to turn the conversation back around.

"Severus, you underestimate yourself and what you can provide for that _child_, as you so fondly refer to him, if only you would let him into your heart," Dumbledore said firmly but with a hint of sorrow.

"This is not about me! It is about your behavior Albus! I care for that child only for the role he plays in this war," Snape hissed convincingly, while his eyes betrayed him by glancing over at the sleeping boy again.

Dumbledore let out a long sigh before steepling his fingers in front of him on the desk. "If I may speak freely for a moment, Severus," he said almost as a request.

"You certainly don't need my approval. We both know you will enlighten me with your opinion," Snape said bitterly.

"Yes, you know me all too well… And I, in turn, know you better than you would like to admit Severus, although you have hidden this well, I must say. It took me a while to figure this one out. I always thought it was remorse and guilt over the loss of Lily. And then of course, your obvious dislike for James Potter. But I should have seen this a long time ago, a man such as yourself would never allow something that trivial to rule your life," his tone specifically vague, which firmly caught Snape's attention. Locking eyes with the younger wizard, Dumbledore continued. "You rejected Harry long before you met him, so that he wouldn't be able to reject you first."

Snape scowled and opened his mouth to retort but Dumbledore pressed on.

"You are afraid to provide that child with what he needs, and what you are certainly capable of giving him, because you fear he will reject you just as Lily did," Dumbledore spoke smoothly through Severus' increasing scowl. "What you don't realize is that Lily never really rejected you, she loved you in her own way, it just didn't equal your affection for her. But that in itself is a totally separate discussion, Harry is not his mother, just as you have discovered, he is not his father. He will not reject you Severus. You could both use each other right now, if you would just allow it."

Severus scoffed at the man across from him before averting his eyes. "You are _unbelievable_," he said, hissing the last word like an expletive, before slamming his glass down on the table. "You know nothing about me!"

"Severus, you came to me during your darkest hour and I have accepted you with open arms ever since. When will you ever realize that you are like a son to me? I forgave all your transgressions long ago and Harry will as well. You deserve to be happy. Let us in," Dumbledore pleaded.

"Really," Severus sneered, glaring at the man angrily again. "And tell me, what will that boy do when he learns about the prophecy? Hmm Albus?" he asked while raising one eyebrow sardonically. "And how will he feel about me when he learns who delivered that prophecy to the Dark Lord?"

"I think he will forgive you," Dumbledore said seriously.

"He doesn't need another person in his life who will hurt him," Snape responded vehemently. "I do not want a relationship with that child and he does not want one with me. Black is the person for this job."

"Do you honestly believe that Severus," Dumbledore asked.

"Yes! Whether I like the man or not, he loves the boy," said Snape.

"Yes, and yet Harry won't open up to Sirius," Dumbledore countered immediately.

"He won't open up to me either," Snape all but shouted, looking outraged at the course the conversation had taken.

"I believe you said he already did just about an hour ago," Dumbledore said innocently.

Snape was fuming by this point. How the old man managed to stay a step ahead of him at every turn was infuriating. He was a spy for god's sake. "It doesn't matter! I cannot do this," Snape snapped as he pushed his chair back and stood from the desk. "And I've had enough of this ridiculous conversation."

Dumbledore showed no sign of being alarmed or deterred by Snape's behavior. "Severus, give everything I have said some thought."

"There is nothing to-" Snape started to counter before being silenced by the headmaster's stern voice.

"And if nothing else, heed this warning," Dumbledore said gravely. "Whether you want to admit it or not, Harry relates to you, not Sirius. And he has, at the very least, come to trust you. He needs you right now Severus, and that puts you in a position where you could do a lot of damage."

The two men regarded each other for another minute of silence before Dumbledore rose from his chair. With a flick of his wrist, the chair was gone and the silencing charm ended, and with one final, fond gaze at the potions master, Dumbledore swept from the room.

_Damn that man! Damn that man and his insufferable insight!_ Severus seethed to himself as he poured himself another large glass of whiskey and swept out of the room.

-SS-

Harry awoke groggily, but surprisingly well-rested. His body felt a bit achy and stiff though. He stretched absentmindedly without opening his eyes and his hand came into contact with… _the arm of a couch?_

The events of last night came rushing back to him like a freight train and Harry flung himself into a sitting position while scrubbing fiercely at his face with one hand and groping for his glasses with the other. After cramming them onto his head, his eyes finally met those of the potion masters' sitting at his desk, who seemed to be eyeing Harry with an almost quizzical look.

"Sir?" Harry said in an urgent tone, silently asking for answers to the millions of questions and concerns racing through his head.

"Everyone is fine, Mr. Potter," Snape stated simply.

By the look on Harry's face, that wouldn't suffice as a decent answer so Snape continued, "Mr. Weasley is in St. Mungo's with minor burns, however he will make a full recovery and be released in a few days. Lupin should already be back to Headquarters by the time you arrive there today. No one else was injured."

Snape watched as Harry's facial features initially screamed in skepticism, yet it almost brought a smile to Severus' lips when he saw those emerald eyes sparkle with trust. _No, he would not admit Albus was right. There is no way Harry trusts him. And even if Harry did, Severus wouldn't care. _The thoughts he had allowed his mind to entertain in the last twenty-four hours were a mistake. He had not grown accustomed to having the child around, nor did he like said child.

Harry had a hard time believing the professor only because nothing would ease his worries except seeing both men safe with his own eyes, but he also knew Snape wouldn't lie to him about this. He resumed rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he let out a huge yawn before his mind comprehended the rest of what Snape had said.

Severus couldn't help but think that in that tiny second, when Harry seemed to let go of his fear, that the child looked innocent and young and normal. And it was nice to see. _Argh! Why was his own mind betraying him? Albus was wrong, this child did not need him and Severus would not let himself pretend like Harry did. He could not let himself think of Harry that way. Could he? _He knew he needed to get the child to open up more about his painful past, but Severus did not bargain for all this.

"Wait, why am I going to headquarters today?" Harry asked, unable to hide the disappointment from his voice that Snape was sending him away. _He shouldn't be so surprised… everyone would want to get rid of him in the end, especially after the events of last night. _

Severus didn't think he could be surprised even more by the child's behavior, but yet again it appeared he was wrong. First, Harry had seemed to trust _him_, Severus Snape, his horrible potion's professor, and now… now the child acted upset that he had to leave?_ Why in god's name would he want to spend today here? And why does he seem disappointed in me?_ Severus thought to himself an instant later.

"You do know what day it is, do you not Potter?" Snape asked smoothly.

Harry looked honestly confused for a second before his mind could finish the mental calculations in his head. "The thirty-first, Sir," he finished blankly, as if the date meant nothing.

"Indeed," Snape responded. "It is only fair to give you the day off on your own birthday, and undoubtedly, your friends and godfather would be petitioning the Headmaster to have me fired if I did not," he smirked. "I'm sure Lupin will wish to express his gratitude as well."

"Right, of course," Harry responded with a smile. "I'll just shower and head over then," he added as he made to leave the room before any of his true emotions became blatantly obvious.

"No, you will be having breakfast before you leave," Snape said evenly, while contemplating the fake smile the boy had flashed at him. "Thirty minutes, Potter."

Harry gave the professor a quick nod before leaving the room.

-SS-

Harry had finally made it to his bedroom, securing the first door before rushing into the bathroom and securing that one as well. He leaned back against the wood and let his head fall back with a thud while trying to clench his eyes shut against the stinging. He had made a fool of himself in front of the professor last night. Of course Snape would want to get rid of him today.

_ARGH! How was I so careless? I can't believe I cried in front of him. I practically had a nervous breakdown!_ _He must think I'm pathetic!_

Considering everything he had been through, Harry was surprisingly controlled when it came to his emotions, especially when hiding them from others. It was the first important lesson he learned from the Dursleys. Don't ever let them see how much it hurt. It always made it ten times worse. Vernon Dursley was more relentless than ever if he could see how much emotional pain you were in. Of course the physical pain encouraged his uncle as well, but the emotional pain, that was the worst to Harry. And Vernon would latch onto that pain like a hawk the minute you were weak enough to show how much it broke you down.

None of this is to say that Harry never cried. It would be like a dam building, sometimes for days or weeks, but if he didn't let it run over at some point, it would eventually burst. Last night it finally had. Too many things on stacked on top of each other and the fragile dam in Harry's mind couldn't take anymore. Normally though, Harry found the shower to be the best place to wash it all away. As if he could wash away the tears and pain and no one would ever have to know how weak he was. Everything could just disappear down the drain. Today would be no different.

He stepped into the practically scalding stream of water as it lit every one of his nerves on fire. During the summer, the shower had served that one other purpose; it was a quite effective way of taking his mind off of all the searing welts that littered his body. It intensified the pain to the point that no particular one hurt more than another. If he couldn't focus on one specific mark, it was almost like he could hide the memories of each blow.

Standing under the constant cascade of water, Harry finally let the stinging in his eyes flow more freely, the salty tears mixing with the clean water as soon as they left his eyes. _It will not happen again! I will not let Snape see me cry,_ Harry thought to himself before he began a renewed panic of how he could possibly make it through today. He knew everything Snape had said last night made sense, logically it didn't seem he could have been possessed by Voldemort, but that didn't stop him from still, somehow, feeling responsible. And even though everyone was alright, he still feared his friends, or even worse, Sirius, would blame him.

_And now I have to sit through breakfast with Snape, who thinks I'm a complete baby. And the stupid git can always tell when I'm lying. _That was something else to ponder. Why was it that he felt so unhinged this summer when he had spent the last fourteen years hiding all the pain his uncle inflicted? Harry had become a master at blocking out the worst types of pain and even managed to hide those memories from the professor during Occlumency and yet, now, in the presence of said professor, Harry had such a hard time keeping it all together. The man just had some sneaky way to redirect conversations to the exact topic Harry was trying to avoid.

Well, that would stop now, Harry thought as he focused hard to push all the horrible thoughts away, deep inside his head, behind that carefully erected dam, where they couldn't accidentally slip out.

Dressing quickly, Harry finally made his way down to breakfast, confident that he had recomposed himself and could make it through this day. If all else failed, he just needed to make it these next twelve hours until he could return to the safety and solitude of this room, where it was alright to let the walls come down.

-SS-

Severus watched Harry walk into the kitchen and slip into his usual seat with an unusually placid look on his face. _The stupid child is withdrawing and pushing everything away. As if any normal person could be completely over the trauma that child experienced last night in less than twenty-four hours. _It gave Severus a headache just thinking about it, or rather, watching Harry do the same things he did when he was a teenager.

Harry ate quickly and made no attempt at conversation.

_Oh, just give him the damn present. No! It's not a present, it's strictly academic. So you shouldn't have a problem giving it to him then. _Snape sipped his tea while trying to shut up the voices in his head.

"You remember what we discussed last night," Snape finally asked, breaking the silence.

_Oh god,_ Harry thought. He should have known Snape would bring up his ridiculous ramblings from last night. How had that completely escaped him? He had said he didn't want to be Harry Potter anymore! The professor would obviously need to address all that, thinking he was a nut job or something.

"Look, Sir, about everything that happened last night, when we got back. I promise it won't happen again. I don't know what got into me, but I'm fine now," he said steadily. "You can tell Dumbledore he doesn't have to worry."

"Once again, I'm hard pressed to believe you are _fine_ after only a few hours time, Mr. Potter," Snape responded honestly.

"I know this is a war and there isn't room for weakness like that, and I deserve your lecture, but I swear it won't happen again and you can reassure everyone that I'm not going to have some mental breakdown," Harry said heatedly.

"For once Potter, I'm not lecturing you," Snape said calmly. "It would actually be very understandable for you to be upset about last night's events."

Harry gave Snape a long searching look before responding. "Well I'm not. I'm fine."

"It would also be helpful if you were honest," Snape added.

"I am being honest, It. Won't. Happen. Again," Harry said furiously. "May I go now, Sir," he asked while staring at his half eaten plate of eggs.

"After you answer one question," Snape said causing Harry's eyes to dart up in apprehension. "Do you really think you were possessed by the Dark Lord?" And those eyes told Severus everything he needed to know.

Harry swallowed hard before responding. That certainly hadn't been the question he was expecting Snape to ask. _Are you going to have a nervous breakdown?_ Or… _Do you really wish you were someone else?_ Or… _Do you really want to give up?_ But not that. Snape had already explained this to Harry. "No, Sir," he finally answered.

"Good," Snape responded immediately. "It is completely impossible for that to be true, as I have already explained, and no one else believes that to be the case either." At least Severus certainly hoped no one else would be ignorant enough to believe that.

Harry just nodded mutely, as he started to get up from the table.

"Enjoy your birthday, Mr. Potter," Snape said seriously as he went back to sipping his tea, just barely catching the whispered 'thanks' from Harry as he left the room.

-SS-

_Damn it! What the hell am I supposed to do? _It wasn't often that Severus Snape asked himself that.

For all the impossible situations he had been in between the Dark Lord and Albus Dumbledore, _this_ position with _this_ child seemed to top them all. Severus could concede that Albus was right on one account, Harry did need someone right now, and it did appear as though Black wouldn't be right for the job. In fact he was completely oblivious to the slow self-destruction overtaking his godson. The problem was, why was Severus having such a difficult time stepping up and completing the task? It couldn't possibly be that Albus was right. Severus, did not need anyone, so there was no possibility he would somehow become attached to Harry and be hurt by the imminent rejection. The whole thing was preposterous and laughable at best.

But what about the boy's behavior this morning? The child was distressed about last night's events and yet seemed to trust Severus when he said Bill and Remus were fine. That in itself wasn't too important, except for the fact that Severus enjoyed knowing Harry trusted him. And then Harry seemed disappointed in Severus, and that, loathe as he was to admit it, Severus did not enjoy at all.

No, Albus was wrong. He could and would complete this task, like any other, like saving Harry's arse time and time again from the fate that ridiculous child continued to tempt, and he would do it all without any emotional involvement on his part.

And he would start by giving him that stupid present. It meant nothing and the boy probably wouldn't even like it anyways.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Next up: Happy Birthday Harry… everyone reacts to Harry's visions.

I hope I am explaining Severus' and Harry's feelings adequately. I'm aware they might be coming across as contradicting themselves quite often, but that is because both are very confused about how they feel or rather, neither wants to be vulnerable. Anyways, I hope this helped to explain their ever changing emotions and actions a little better. More and more will come out as we go along if you stick with me.

Leave me some love and I hope you are all having a wonderful week in the New Year. –Mara


	17. Ch 17 Happy Birthday

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** What can I say again except THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the wonderful reviews.

And finally… the new, fabulous BETA, **Tatajess,** deserves a million hugs for beta-ing this chapter and advising me on a few issues I was having. Everyone should also go check out her story, **Harry Potter and the Map of Discoveries.**

_From Before…_

_And he would start by giving him that stupid present. It meant nothing and the boy probably wouldn't even like it anyways. _

**Ch. 17 – Happy Birthday**

Taking in one last calming breath, Harry let the floo powder fall from his hand before he called out his destination and was dumped unceremoniously onto his godfather's kitchen floor.

Mrs. Weasley seemed so preoccupied fumbling with some pots and pans that it took her a minute to notice Harry, who was awkwardly brushing off the soot, unsure of what to say or where to go.

"Oh, Harry dear," she finally exclaimed before rushing over and pulling him into a huge hug. "I don't know what would have happened without you. Bill is in St. Mungo's, but he's going to be just fine and Remus is upstairs," she said with a big smile. "Well, why don't you hurry on up, all the kids are there as well."

Harry put up his best smile and gave Mrs. Weasley a quick nod before hastily leaving the room and quietly heading up the stairs in search of Ron and Hermione. What was he going to say to them though? At least Mrs. Weasley hadn't seemed upset with him. He barely had time to think about it before he found himself outside the door to the room Ron and him had both slept in. His fist was frozen midair, half his mind knowing he needed to knock while the other half screamed for him to flee immediately. He was prevented from making any decision by a shrill female voice down the hall.

"Harry," Hermione squealed quietly, as she practically crushed Harry in a hug.

"Hey," he replied tentatively as he managed to extricate himself from his bushy-haired friend right as the formidable door opened and out popped his other best-friend's head.

"Harry, Mate," Ron said as his face lit up. Harry returned a small smile.

"Harry, are you alright? What happened? Is it your scar? Mrs. Weasley said you were really sick," Hermione said, sincerely concerned. "I tried looking up visions and curse scars, but it was hard to find anything similar to your situation."

"Well I think it was brilliant. If you hadn't had that dream, Harry, I don't even want to think what would have happened," Ron chimed in.

"Umm, can we go in," Harry said while inclining his head towards Ron's room. He felt far too exposed to be standing in the middle of the hall having any discussion like this.

"Oh, of course," Hermione said, her tone remorseful at being so inconsiderate.

Ron stepped aside so Harry and Hermione could come into the room before shutting the door quietly behind them.

Harry took up residence on the bed he had used while staying at Grimmauld Place and began fidgeting with the fringe on one of the blankets. Ron sat across from him on the other bed, waiting expectantly while Hermione immediately plopped herself down right next to Harry.

"So you dreamed the whole thing Harry? It did have something to do with your scar, didn't it?" she asked.

Harry glanced between his two friends. There was no way he could get out of this conversation and might as well try his best to answer them honestly. "Yeah, it was sort of a dream or it interrupted a dream, and I'm sure it has to do with my scar, but I dunno how Voldemort is doing it," he said while unconsciously rubbing his forehead.

"Well didn't you ask Professor Dumbledore?" Hermione asked in an almost scolding manner.

"No, I didn't get to talk to Dumbledore, he was too busy," Harry said bitterly.

"You left with Professor Snape. What did he say about everything?" she asked.

"He implied that it had something to do with my scar," said Harry.

"Yeah, I bet he was awful to you," Ron said. "It's too bad you couldn't have stayed here last night."

"No, he wasn't!" Harry said defensively. "I told you before, Ron, Snape and I have been getting along better, so just stop the whole 'Snape's horrible' thing."

"Harry, you know you can tell us anything, we're your best mates. It's alright to admit the greasy git is still a bastard. We won't tell Sirius," Ron said acting as though Harry were just in denial.

"Ronald," Hermione hissed in warning.

"Won't tell Sirius what?" Harry asked confused. By this point, he was looking between both friends for an explanation.

Ron seemed completely oblivious to Hermione's death glare and continued on. "Well, we figured out that you don't want Sirius to worry so you're trying to pretend Snape isn't still an evil git. But come on Harry, he used every opportunity he could to torture you in class. It must be bloody awful, alone with him all the time in his house."

Hermione seemed to be panicking at the obvious anger that was rising in Harry as he clenched his fists. "Harry, listen," she started to say.

"OH! You both figured it out did you? Having nice long chats about me when I'm not around?" Harry said, his voice rising with each word.

"No, Harry! Look, I just said that IF Professor Snape were being rotten to you, that you wouldn't tell Sirius," she tried to explain.

"Well he's not! Okay? It's great that my own friends don't believe me and don't have a problem coming up with their own theories about my behavior behind my back," Harry hissed. "You guys must have had a field day after what happened last night. Stay up late into the night talking about me then, did ya?"

Hermione looked like she was about to burst into tears while Ron just seemed to be completely taken aback.

"No, Harry, honest, I believe you that you are getting along better with the professor. It was just an 'IF', because I can tell you've been worried about Sirius. I mean we all are, he's going a bit crazy stuck in the house, and-" Hermione had been rambling and Harry cut her off.

"Yeah what else have you guys come up with about me? I'm sure you all think I'm crazy now too, for dreaming about Voldemort," Harry said as he pulled away from Hermione and started for the door.

Finally Ron seemed to be spurred into action and jumped in front of the door. "No, Harry," he said. "No one thinks you're crazy. If you hadn't had that dream, Bill could be – could be dead," he finished in a horrible whisper.

Harry's glare softened at Ron's tone, but he wasn't ready to let go of his bitterness that easily. "Yeah, well if you didn't think I was crazy then you would believe me about Snape. He's saved my arse quite a few times already this summer."

"I know that he saved you from the dementors and stuff, but I just can't believe he is all of sudden nice or something. Not after the way he has treated you," Ron said.

Seeing that Harry was about to retort defensively again, Hermione interjected her own thoughts. "Harry, if you say that you and the professor are getting along better, then we believe you. And it's not that we're talking about you, it's just that we're worried. First you get attacked by dementors and now we hear that you collapsed on the kitchen floor and had a vision of this Death Eater attack. We just don't want anything to happen to you, Harry. You're like a brother to me, and I don't know what I would do if something happened to you," Hermione said worriedly.

Harry chewed on his bottom lip in embarrassment over Hermione's heartfelt words and the fact that they knew he collapsed last night. He should have known all those details would have traveled through the entire house, but it sure made him feel pathetic. Thank Merlin no one except the professor knew what transpired back at the manor.

"Yeah, Harry, really, we're both just worried. You're my best mate. And we've barely gotten to speak to you since you've been staying with Snape. Then we hear these crazy stories that you're sick or almost get kissed by a dementor and of course my parents won't discuss the details so we have to talk to each other you know," Ron said, still leaning against the door to stop Harry from leaving.

Harry shuffled his feet a little before letting his glare drop completely. "Well I'm fine. Okay?" he finally said, "So you guys can stop worrying so much, and honestly, Snape has been really decent."

Hermione's face lit up like a Christmas tree at the news that Harry had forgiven them. She launched herself at both boys, pulling them into a hug and Harry couldn't help but grin despite himself.

"Alright, Mione, bloody hell, you're strangling us," Ron gasped out, causing the little witch to finally let go while blushing deeply.

"I knew Professor Snape would do a good job and put aside all his differences with Harry," Hermione said wisely. "So what all have you learned?" she asked excitedly, turning to Harry.

Ron let out a groan and Harry couldn't help but smile again. "Mione, it's the summer hols, geez, do we always have to talk about _learning_ stuff?" Ron asked as they all made their way back over to the beds.

Hermione just rolled her eyes at Ron before facing Harry and waiting expectantly.

"Well, we've been brewing a lot and I'm getting better. I mean it's easier to concentrate when I'm the only one there. I've been helping Snape brew a lot of the potions for the infirmary. And I think we get to start dueling next week in Defense. At least Snape hinted that we would start soon," Harry replied and at the mention of dueling, both his friend's faces lit up with awe.

"Dueling?" Ron asked. "That's bloody brilliant! And I'm sure it'll be nothing like that fraud Lockhart's club."

"Harry, that's wonderful! Professor Snape will probably be teaching you so much advanced material," Hermione said excitedly.

"It should be cool," Harry added, much less animated. "Oh, but he is going to show me how to brew this special potion he created to stop the pain in my scar," Harry added with real enthusiasm.

"Wow, I would have never thought you could be excited about potions, Harry," Ron said causing Hermione to backhand him across the chest.

"He's sharing one of his own recipes with you?" she said, even more dumbstruck than before. "That's amazing," she added with a dreamy look.

"Yeah, I was a little surprised too, but I guess since the potion is for me he figured I should know how to make it," Harry answered while he furrowed his brow. That was just one example of how much nicer Snape had been lately. It was still weird to imagine.

"Oy, Harry! I almost forgot! It's your birthday!" Ron exclaimed, effectively pulling Harry and Hermione from their inner thoughts.

"Oh! I can't believe I forgot to say something when you first got here," Hermione chimed in. "I'm so sorry. Happy Birthday Harry!"

Ron had jumped from the bed next to Hermione and grabbed a package off a side table right as two loud cracks sounded throughout the room, causing Ron to drop the package with a scream.

Fred and George had materialized directly in front of Ron, who had turned ghost white.

"Would the two of you stop doing that!" Ron yelled at them.

Fred and George ignored their brother and gave Harry a big smile.

"We thought we heard the voice of our favorite person," Fred said.

"Actually, the whole house probably heard your voice," George added as they came over to clap Harry on the back.

"Happy Birthday," they chimed in together.

"Thanks guys," Harry answered.

Ron handed the package to Harry and went back to his seat next to Hermione. "That's from both of us," he pointed out as Harry started to tear off the paper.

"I'm sorry we didn't get anything nicer, but we're not really allowed out of the house so shopping was kind of out of the question," Hermione added.

Pulling off the wrapping paper, Harry found a box of Honeydukes chocolates.

"We didn't know you would be allowed to come here so early, and those muggles never feed you enough, so it seemed like a good gift at the time," Ron chimed in.

Harry blanched a little at the mention of his relatives but tried not to let anything show in his expression. "Thanks guys," he said with a smile before getting quiet again and glancing between the two older Weasleys. Just because Ron and Hermione didn't blame him for what happened didn't mean everyone else would feel the same.

Best to get it over with, like a plaster, just rip it off really quick. "So your Mum said Bill is doing alright," Harry mentioned nonchalantly.

"Yeah, she and Dad got to stay with him at St. Mungo's for a little while last night," Fred spoke up.

"He just has to stay a few days because of the type of burn from a curse. Guess they have to change the bandages frequently to make sure it heals completely," George added.

"We're really lucky you got to warn the Order," Fred said while squeezing Harry's shoulder.

Harry gave him a weak smile. "And the Burrow?"

"Dad said there was a little damage," Ron started to explain.

But after seeing Harry's horrified expression, George jumped in. "But nothing that can't be repaired, little brother," he said while squeezing Harry's other shoulder.

Harry nodded his head. "Why would they attack the Burrow anyway?" he asked while furrowing his brow. In Harry's head though, he already knew why… it was because of him.

"Well I heard dad saying something about them looking for the Headquarters of the Order," Fred spoke up.

"Yeah, odds are, they are going to start going after any known Order member," George added.

"Why didn't Snape know though? He is a spy," Ron spoke up just as Ginny popped her head into the room.

Harry's eyes flashed up menacingly towards his friend.

"Just because he is a spy doesn't mean You-Know-Who would tell him everything," Ginny said condescendingly to Ron. "Besides, You-Know-Who knows that the headquarters is under the Fidelius Charm so there would be no point in involving Snape when he couldn't say anything even if he wanted to."

"Hey Harry, Happy Birthday," she added, turning to Harry and giving him a warm smile. He was eternally grateful for the defense she provided Snape.

"Yeah, Ron, we don't even know if Professor Snape is in Voldemort's-" Hermione said as gasps sounded from around the room "-OH get over it! We don't even know if Professor Snape is in _HIS_ inner circle. And if _HE_ has any doubts about the Professor's loyalties, he wouldn't include him in a plan like this," she added in her matter-of-fact tone.

"That makes sense," Fred and George chimed in together.

"Yeah, I don't think his job as a spy is the cake walk we all imagined," Harry finally spoke up.

"Did something happen?" Hermione asked, giving him a long look.

Harry grabbed his bottom lip between his teeth. He wasn't really sure if he should be explaining stuff like this. Would it be considered breaking the Professor's confidence? He didn't want to tell his friends something Snape might be embarrassed of. Then again he didn't have to give any details, just facts.

"Well, I slept here that one time because he had to go to a meeting with Voldemort and there was another time too, that he had to leave. And well, I can kind of tell ahead of time if Voldemort is angry, because of my scar," he said rubbing at the mark on his forehead. He could still picture Snape sitting in the study looking deathly pale with tremors running through his hands. "Anyway, I just don't think Voldemort is very merciful, even to his own followers."

The whole room seemed to take on a solemn tone with the various occupants nodding in understanding. Finally Ron broke the silence.

"Yeah, I guess, based on what you told us about what happened in the graveyard, I wouldn't want to be a spy in that circle," he said.

The muscles in Harry's stomach clenched at the voicing of the precise incident he had been desperately trying to forget and his mouth went completely dry. All he could manage to do was swallow hard and nod his head.

Hermione sent him a sympathetic look and Harry knew it was time to change the conversation.

"So your Mum is probably expecting you guys down there for breakfast," Harry said looking around the occupants of the room.

"Oh, I better go help her," Ginny exclaimed with a devious smile before waving goodbye and exiting the room.

"You hungry, Harry?" Fred asked as him and George got up to follow Ginny.

"No, I already ate with Snape," Harry answered casually and at Ron's incredulous face asked, "What?"

"Nothing mate, you just act like that's the most normal sentence in the world," Ron answered. "I mean come on, a few months ago and something like that would never have come out of your mouth."

"We will leave you three to your bickering, but hurry down birthday boy. Just because you already had breakfast doesn't mean you will get out of having some cake," George said as both twins laughed and left the room.

Harry waved goodbye before turning back to Ron and Hermione. "Well, like I said, we're getting along better. I have to eat all my meals with him every day, so it does seem pretty normal to me now," Harry countered seriously. "Wait, cake?"

"Yeah of course. You're finally here for your birthday. Obviously Mum is going to make you a cake," Ron said. "I'm sorry we can't spend the whole day with you though, since we're all going to visit Bill later."

"Don't worry about it. Of course you want to go visit your brother," Harry answered. "Anyway, do you guys know where Sirius and Remus are?"

"Yes, I think they put Remus in one of the bedrooms on the next floor. Madame Pomfrey ordered him to stay in bed today," Hermione answered. "Do you want to go up and see him?"

"Yeah, but I'll wait till you guys leave," Harry said. "We can go downstairs so you guys can eat breakfast."

Ron's face lit up at the idea of food, but Hermione still had that annoying, sympathetic expression. "It probably isn't even ready yet. We can stay up here and talk a little bit more. I mean if there is anything else you want to talk about," she said, clearly hinting that she knew Harry wasn't expressing all his concerns.

"I know I haven't explained much, but you guys know the gist of everything and it's been a rough couple of days. I'd rather not talk about it even more than I've already been forced to by Snape and Sirius," he answered while pointedly looking directly at Hermione, begging her to let it go.

"Well, if you ever need to talk you know where to find us Harry. And really, about anything at all. That's what we're here for," Hermione said, gesturing to Ron and herself. "I just love you both so much and I worry about you," she whispered as tears started to form in her eyes.

"I know Mione," Harry answered. He could really feel the love from his friends and it felt so good to know they were still here for him, even if he wasn't ready to talk to them. And some things, he would never be ready to tell them.

"She's right Mate, trouble sure knows how to find you and it scares us," Ron added in.

Harry gave his friends a sincere smile before breaking the tension. "Ok, let's go find you guys some food and some of this cake."

-SS-

The hour at breakfast flew by and the cake Mrs. Weasley made was amazing. It wasn't much of a birthday party, but Harry didn't have much to compare it to so it seemed wonderful to him. Soon though, Harry was waving goodbye to the Weasley's and Hermione. Hermione had offered to stay at Grimmauld Place with Harry, but he refused to let her. It was obvious his two friends had some feelings for each other that went farther than just friendship. Harry couldn't miss how jealous Ron had been last year when Hermione went to the Yule ball with Victor Krum. And it seemed now that Hermione really wanted to go with the Weasley family. Harry wasn't going to stand in the way.

The small bit of tension that had left him during breakfast was returning full force now. It seemed that none of the Weasley's blamed Harry for what happened last night, but then again they still didn't know the real details of how Harry had been the one giving the orders, except Mrs. Weasley. But Snape's words kept resounding in his head, _'It is completely impossible…'_, so maybe even if they did know, like Mrs. Weasley, they still wouldn't blame him. Either way, the butterflies were back in his stomach as he made the long trek upstairs in search of Sirius and Remus. Sirius didn't seem upset with him last night, but then again his godfather was extremely worried about his friend. Now that he had a night to think about it, maybe he would blame Harry too.

By the time Harry made it to the third floor landing, he realized he had no idea which room they were in. He thought he would need to check each one until the third door down popped open and out came Sirius.

"Harry!" he exclaimed as he rushed toward his godson and pulled him into a warm hug.

The closeness felt good, but Harry remained a bit rigid, still nervous about the whole situation that led them to this place.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, pushing Harry back to arms length to look him over.

"I'm fine," Harry said. "How's Remus?"

"Oh, he's good, really good. We were so lucky you had that vision Harry. I mean if we had been any later I don't know what might have happened," he answered quickly. "I was just going to get some tea. Go ahead, go in, he's awake," Sirius urged.

Siruis hurried past him and Harry hesitantly edged open the door. Remus was lying in a large bed against the far wall under blue comforters. He had a couple pillows propping him up into a semi-seated position. There was a bandage across his left cheek and his left arm was wrapped with a similar material. His face lit up when he saw Harry.

"Harry! I'm glad you came," Remus called out warmly. "Come in, come have a seat. I'm bored, but Poppy said I had to stay in bed and Sirius is following her instructions to the T," he said, laughing a little.

Harry came in timidly and gave Remus an awkward hug before depositing himself in the chair Sirius probably just vacated next to the bed. He couldn't help but stare at Remus' arm wrapped in gauze. The bandages covered the skin thoroughly enough that Harry couldn't see what was wrong with the arm, so his mind worked quickly, imagining the worst possible scenarios. What if he was burned and the skin wouldn't recover? He had remembered hearing about certain curses that couldn't be cured.

"Harry," Remus called again, finally getting the boy to look up. It wasn't hard for Remus to realize what Harry was thinking. "Harry, it's just a burn. We just have to keep applying this special ointment, but it should clear up in about a week," he said, trying to reassure Harry.

Harry just nodded first before finally asking, "Does it hurt?"

"No, not really, Sirius is keeping me well stocked with pain-relievers," he answered. "So tell me how your birthday's been so far."

"Good," Harry answered a little too quickly. "Mrs. Weasley made a cake. I didn't expect anything, I mean with Bill in the hospital and everything."

"I'm sorry we didn't come down. You should have came and got Sirius," Remus replied.

"No," Harry said shaking his head. "It wasn't like a party or anything. The Weasley's were just getting ready to leave anyways."

Remus seemed to be studying Harry's face, but before he could reply, Sirius popped back into the room carrying a wrapped package and a tray of tea floating out in front of him. He let the tray set itself down gently on a small side table before extending the package to Harry.

"Here kiddo," Sirius said with a big smile. "It's from Remus and me. Happy Birthday."

Harry just stared open-mouthed at the two men. He didn't expect any present with Sirius confined to house arrest and Remus busy with Order stuff and now his injuries. "Thanks," he said slightly dazed.

"Well, go on and open it," Remus encouraged.

Harry tore off the paper to find a brand new book, _**Closing the Mind: Learning the Art of Occlumency**_.

"We thought it might come in handy with your Occlumency lessons with Snape," Sirius finally said as Harry started to leaf through the pages.

"It's great. Thanks," Harry said, smiling up at Sirius and Remus while internally thinking about the nonexistent progress he was making in those lessons.

Harry spent the next hour talking about his lessons and how things were going while conveniently avoiding any in depth discussion on Occlumency.

Sirius made a few sandwiches for them for lunch and by the time they were finished, exhaustion was clearly evident on both his godfather's face and Remus'. Obviously, they were probably up most of the night.

"Well, you guys look like you could each use some rest," Harry finally said.

"What? No!" they both exclaimed, but Harry wasn't fooled.

"Listen, neither of you probably got any sleep last night," Harry said determinedly. "And you look like you might fall asleep right now while you're talking to me AND," Harry interjected firmly before either man could protest, "I wanted to go flying this afternoon." He really had no intention of going flying. Well maybe he would. He had nothing better to do.

It appeared that neither man could argue with that, seeing as how they knew how much Harry enjoyed flying. It was his birthday after all and they just wanted him to enjoy the day.

"Alright kiddo, I certainly can't object to seeing that Firebolt put to good use," Sirius said with a smile while he ruffled up Harry's hair.

"Thanks, and thanks again for the present," Harry said looking at both Sirius and Remus. "And I hope you feel better, Remus."

"Thanks, Harry, I'll be as good as new in no time," Remus said.

With one last smile, Harry made a quick exit until he neared the kitchen. The smile had faded from his face as quickly as he had left his godfather and Remus. It wasn't that Harry wasn't grateful to his friends and everyone. The day had been really nice. It was honestly one of the best birthdays he had ever had since any one at the Dursleys consisted of either being ignored or punished. But he couldn't help but wish that one day he could have a completely normal birthday like a normal teenager, as opposed to one where his friends had to leave because their brother was in St. Mungos and his pseudo godfather was stuck in bed because he too was injured, after Harry had a vision of a Death Eater attack. To top it all off, his real godfather purchased him a birthday present that just reminded him of how his entire life was ruled by an evil Dark Lord.

Harry closed his eyes and willed the tears to go away. Maybe he would spend the rest of the day reading as much about Occlumency as possible. The sooner he could get rid of Voldemort, the sooner everyone could have a normal life and the sooner his friends and family would be safe. There was no reason to pout over miserable birthdays when there was so much work to do and everyone was counting on him.

With the box of chocolates and book in hand, Harry flooed back to Snape's study.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Leave Jess and I some luv - Mara

And it took me a bit to get into writing the next chapter, but by the end, I was loving it. So I can't wait till next week. :)


	18. Ch 18 Care

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thank you ALL for the wonderful reviews again. I know it's repetitive, but I sincerely mean it. It encourages me to continue writing, and as quickly as the real world allows. Also, please welcome a second Beta, Stacy. Both her and Tatajess beta-ed this chapter for me and their input and edits were so, so helpful. I wouldn't know what to do without them now and can't believe I went so long before finding them. But if there are any typos or errors, blame them all on me, as I do the final editing. Hope you like this as much as I did…

_From before…_

_Harry closed his eyes and willed the tears to go away. Maybe he would spend the rest of the day reading as much about Occlumency as possible. The sooner he could get rid of Voldemort, the sooner everyone could have a normal life and the sooner his friends and family would be safe. There was no reason to pout over miserable birthdays when there was so much work to do and everyone was counting on him. _

_With the box of chocolates and book in hand, Harry flooed back to Snape's study. _

**Ch. 18 – Care**

From behind his desk, Severus watched Harry brush the soot off his clothes. The boy was completely oblivious to the professor's presence. Of all the people Severus had expected to come through the floo this early in the afternoon, he had never once considered it would be Harry. The teenager was supposed to be enjoying his birthday with his friends and family, not returning at one in the afternoon looking more despondent than ever. A small frown graced the child's face and even with his head slightly bowed, Severus could see those emerald eyes didn't hold the usual sparkle.

Severus finally cleared his throat effectively causing Harry's head to shoot up. The boy was clearly startled, but Severus also thought he saw embarrassment flash across the child's face.

Harry locked eyes with Snape and swallowed thickly. _How could it have slipped his mind that Snape might be sitting in the study? _The man always worked at his desk. Harry tried desperately to make his face as blank as possible, but he always felt like he was under a microscope when he was in front of Snape. The man never missed anything.

"I did not expect you until this evening, Mr. Potter," Snape drawled.

"Yeah, sorry I'm back so soon, sir. Don't worry, I'll stay out of your way the rest of the day," Harry answered, dropping his head and trying to make his escape from the room.

"Mr. Potter," Snape said firmly enough to halt Harry in his tracks a few feet from the door. He waited until the boy gave him at least a sideways glance before he continued. "I intended to brew that potion we talked about this afternoon." Severus watched Harry's eyes widen in recognition, or even possibly, intrigue. "You are in no way obligated to assist as you are excused from all lessons today, however, if that activity interests you, you would be welcome," he said nonchalantly.

Severus actually never had any intention of brewing that potion today. He had told Harry the next time he brewed it he would show Harry how, but seeing the child enter the study so clearly miserable left Severus with few options. He didn't have the slightest clue how to cheer up a teen-aged boy on his birthday. Of course he could have let Harry go flying or whatever other solitary activity the boy might have come up with, but it was clear to Severus that the depressed child shouldn't be alone in such a rotten mood. How no one else at Headquarters could see this was beyond him though.

But clearly the suggestion had sparked something in Harry and Severus had been right. Harry was excited to learn to brew this potion. Perhaps his present would be equally well received.

Harry couldn't stop a small smile from forming on his face. Maybe the professor didn't mind his presence that much after all, and brewing did seem to take his mind off other things. "I'd really like that, sir," he answered.

"Very well," Snape said evenly as he inclined his head slightly. "Will twenty minutes suffice? We will meet in the lab."

"Yeah that's perfect. I just have to go put on my robes," Harry said quickly.

As Snape gave him a small nod, Harry jogged out of the room with a much lighter step.

Once in his room, he wasted no time in pulling a set of robes from his wardrobe and throwing them on. Before he could leave, however, Hedwig had flown across the room and landed on his shoulder. He had ignored his beautiful, snowy, white owl a lot lately, being so preoccupied with everything. She nibbled at his ear affectionately.

"Hey girl," he said softly. "You're usually the only company I have on my birthday." He stroked the soft feathers and smiled at his loyal friend.

She may not have had the task of bringing Harry anything this year, but she certainly wanted to make sure he noticed the package sitting on his bed. Taking flight from his shoulder, she landed next to it while giving a soft hoot.

Harry stared at the package from across the room. It was about the size of a small book and wrapped in brown paper. Hagrid was really the only other person he could imagine sending something, but as Harry made his way over and picked up the package, he noted that the half-giant's typical sloppy script was nowhere to be found. In fact, the brown paper was void of any type of writing at all, implying that it wasn't delivered by owl. _But that couldn't possibly be… Could it? _

Tearing off the paper, Harry discovered a leather bound book. But it wasn't any ordinary book. It was absolutely exquisite. The book had a rich leather cover that overlapped in front. A gold stitched binding could be seen weaving in and out of the leather on one side in an intricate pattern and a thicker version of the same gold made a silky band that tied the journal shut. But possibly the best detail of all was the gold letters, _H.P._, inscribed in the bottom right corner.

Harry ran his fingers gently across the embossed letters and the smooth leather before slowly tugging on the gold band and opening the cover.

A warmth emanated from his chest and a smile grew on his face at the sight that greeted him inside that front cover.

There, in Snape's minute scrawl was an inscription…

**H.P.**

** If you intend to partake in proper research, you will need a proper journal.**

** -S.S.**

After reading the short sentence twice to make sure he wasn't going crazy, Harry fanned through the pages. It was indeed a potions journal with spaces for the name, ingredients, and procedures of multiple potions. The page after Snape's inscription explained that the journal recorded audible notes, would magically fill in ingredients when using a base previously worked with, recorded ingredient interactions, and could also become a searchable encyclopedia when looking for specific interactions. It also worked off voice recognition and other people would be unable to access the information it contained without Harry's permission.

Harry stared at the journal in awe before flipping back to Snape's inscription. It was very Snape-like; matter-of-fact and all about the academic benefits.

But it was still a present… From Snape!

With that thought in mind, Harry had the only natural reaction possible. Clutching the journal, he ran back down to the study without stopping until he stood in the doorway slightly out of breath from the mad dash and the excitement.

Snape was scratching some last minute notes on a lesson plan and merely gave Harry an amused glance until he caught his breath.

"Sir, this is - brilliant. Thank you," Harry said sincerely.

Severus had to actually fight the smile that wanted to spread across his face. Instead, he allowed his lips to turn upwards ever so slightly.

It was obvious by the gleam in Harry's eyes that he truly did like the present, so much so that it seemingly eradicated the dejected mood he had only twenty minutes ago.

The idea that he, Severus, was the cause of Harry's happiness unlocked emotions in Severus he hadn't felt in a very long time, but to hell with Dumbledore and his implications. This was Harry's birthday and he deserved to be happy.

"You're welcome," he said, as if the words were a bit foreign to him. "I thought it might aid us in brewing this afternoon and I can, of course, instruct you on how to utilize all the functions of the journal."

Harry smiled and nodded his head.

"I take it you are sufficiently prepared then?" Snape asked as he put his paperwork off to the side.

"Yes, sir," Harry answered, his eyes still sparkling before widening in alarm. "OH. But if you're not – I mean I can find something else if you-"

Snape quickly interrupted Harry's rambling. "Enough, Potter," he said, his tone more of a joke than intending any hurt. "I am ready." He gestured towards the door as he strode towards Harry and together they walked down to the lab.

-SS-

The brewing session went extremely well. Harry was determined to impress the professor and prove that his time or gift were not a waste. With Snape's meticulous instruction, they brewed a flawless potion and Harry had his first entry in his new journal. Snape had also instructed him on all the little tips and tricks he should know about this particular potions journal. Apparently, Snape used this specific brand of journal for his own research, which flattered Harry even further. To Harry, it was an extremely big deal that Snape would consider Harry worthy of using the same research journal.

After brewing, the two wizards enjoyed a quiet dinner interspersed with more questions Harry had about potion research. The professor seemed to be much more relaxed than Harry was used to seeing him and Harry thought perhaps the professor was getting used to his presence in the man's home. They inadvertently spent a couple hours sipping tea and discussing potions theories at the kitchen table long after dinner was over.

By the time Harry retired for the evening, he couldn't believe how well his birthday had actually turned out. The time spent with Snape was really calming and comfortable. The ease with which they conversed today was what Harry imagined it would feel like to have a real family. In all his directions Snape had actually been nice and even praised Harry at the end. Over the past month spent with the man, Harry had started to learn more of Snape's facial expressions. Although he had yet to see the man smile outright, it was easy to tell when he was genuinely pleased about something, and today, Harry saw that face a few times. And the professor gave him a birthday present! It was so unbelievable.

-SS-

Harry may have fallen asleep quickly, but Severus did not. He couldn't stop thinking through the day's events. Could he possibly have enjoyed himself in the presence of that brat? Harry certainly hadn't been a brat either. He brewed with precision and care and seemed to hang on Snape's every instruction. During dinner the child was honestly interested in discussing it further. It seemed as though Severus had sufficiently distracted Harry from all his worries for at least one day.

It shouldn't have been too much of a surprise though, that Severus found himself outside the library at two o'clock in the morning staring at Harry's silhouette. The events of the past day kept Severus awake and just because Harry had been sufficiently distracted from his troubles during daylight hours didn't mean those troubles were resolved. Severus knew everything had been just that, a mere distraction, temporarily disguising all the topics Harry still had on his mind.

"Well Potter, come along," Snape called across the quiet library.

Harry's head snapped around and for a second he just stared at the professor, but eventually he got up and made his way over to the door as Snape headed out into the hall.

At the top of the stairs, Severus paused and turned to give Harry a sweeping gaze. "Potter, do you simply choose not to wear proper attire when out of bed in the middle of the night or do you not own a robe or slippers?" he asked seriously.

That certainly wasn't even close to anything Harry had expected Snape to say. And the man's tone implied he wasn't trying to be sarcastic at all, which made the question even stranger.

Severus gave Harry a piercing look as he waited for an answer.

"Umm, I don't really own any other night clothes, sir," he finally answered while looking down at his old pajama bottoms and t-shirt, which were far too big, before his eyes traveled back up to meet the professor's. "But if I get cold I'll put a sweatshirt on."

"That's not the point, Potter. If you're going to be traipsing around in the middle of the night, you will not do it barefoot, even in the middle of the summer. It is not that warm," Snape answered levelly and with a silent summoning charm, a black robe and pair of slippers floated down the hall to his outstretched hand.

Harry just stared with wide eyes as Snape dropped the slippers on the floor and handed Harry the robe, gesturing with his hand to hurry up and put them on. "Sir," he started to protest that this wasn't necessary.

Snape folded his arms across his chest and leveled Harry with that glare he used in class, where it wouldn't do any good to argue because you would only piss the man off more.

"They're clean, Potter. If that's what you're worried about," Snape said sarcastically. "And while you are living here, you will be properly clothed. Perhaps we will rectify the situation with the remainder of your wardrobe tomorrow," he added with a smirk.

Harry shot Snape a glare as he threw the robe on and shoved his feet into the slippers, unconsciously rolling his eyes as everything was far too big.

Snape raised one eyebrow sardonically, daring Harry to say something. When it was clear that the child was smart enough to remain quiet, Snape gave his wand a small flick and both articles shrunk down to the perfect size.

"Don't let me catch you out of bed again without either one," Snape said, pointing at the robe and then slippers with his wand before turning and heading down the stairs.

As embarrassing as the incident was, Harry could see it for what it was worth. Snape cared that he was dressed properly, and not because he didn't want to be embarrassed by Harry. They were completely alone in the middle of the night. Snape honestly just cared about him.

"Thank you, sir," Harry called out as he jogged down the stairs to catch up with the professor.

"You're welcome, Potter," Snape responded without turning around.

Harry slipped into his usual seat across from the professor and watched as Snape poured out two cups of tea and slid one towards him. The steam rising off the surface was mesmerizing and Harry inhaled deeply, taking in the distinct smell of mint that wafted from the tea. Whatever was in the tea, Snape was right, it was relaxing. Even just the aroma put Harry at ease.

After sipping his tea for a few minutes, Harry finally broke the silence. "Sir, what's in this tea?" he asked.

Snape lowered his cup a little before responding. "Valerian root, skullcap, chamomile, and..."

"Peppermint?" Harry interjected.

"Indeed," Snape answered while giving Harry a small smirk.

Harry returned it with his own smile. He really couldn't believe how far they had come. Never in a million years would Harry think to interrupt Snape without fear of imminent death and Snape certainly wouldn't have ever allowed it before. But now, they seemed to have this familiarity with each other, and Harry knew the man's smirk wasn't condescending or disapproving. No, it was the same smirk the professor had given him all day while brewing. It was one of approval and even seemed to have a hint of humor in it.

And the truth was that Harry really liked this. He liked this feeling of ease. Snape knew pretty much everything when it came to all of Harry's fears and pain. Even if he hadn't managed to weasel out the details of Harry's life at the Dursleys, he still knew the truth. But on top of that, Snape had been there for Harry through everything this past month; the vision of Voldemort and the pain in his scar, the pensieve, the memories of his father, the dementors, and the fear of being expelled. Snape was the one that was there and saw what Harry was going through. He had witnessed Harry's pain first hand and that pain was something Harry could never even begin to explain to his friends or Sirius. Not to mention, a lot of the events Harry had no intention of ever telling his friends about.

Perhaps it was the thought of how comfortable he was with Snape, or maybe how nice the man had been earlier. Maybe it was the birthday present. Hell, maybe it was just the tea that made Harry open his mouth. Whatever it was, Harry wasn't sure, but he finally admitted something he swore he never would.

"I had a nightmare," Harry said seriously.

Snape raised an eyebrow curiously, unsure of why Harry was telling him this information, but careful not to impede the boy's admission.

Seeing the professor's obvious confusion, Harry continued. "You asked me what happened before you got to my relative's house," he said.

Snape gave a small nod of understanding as he quickly put two and two together. Yes, he certainly couldn't forget that first conversation where he tried to get Harry to discuss his relatives, and the horrible outcome of it all. Now he was afraid if he pushed the conservation Harry would close up again, but he still needed and wanted Harry to explain more.

"What did the nightmare entail?" Snape asked seriously.

Harry didn't detect any hint of ridicule in Snape's voice, not that Harry was expecting that, but he still kept his guard up a little. "The usual," he answered while shrugging his shoulders and staring at his hands laced around his tea cup.

"I'm sure my usual and your usual are different," Snape prodded carefully, starting to get a better understanding of Harry's reason for choosing the dreamless sleep potion the night before.

Harry looked up at Snape in shock, but couldn't stop the small smirk from forming on his face. _Did Snape just admit to him that he too had nightmares?_ He opened his mouth to explain further before it went completely dry and any remnants of a smile completely disappeared. Harry wasn't sure if he was really ready to have this conversation, to discuss all his fears. He had to deal with them enough in his nightmares and didn't really like the prospect of bringing them up again. But the professor wasn't mocking him and had already done so much for Harry. The man deserved a small explanation.

Swallowing thickly, Harry continued with what he planned to say earlier. "The graveyard, Voldemort, Cedric, and stuff," he said, keeping his head down.

Severus certainly didn't miss the most important words in Harry's sentence. In fact, it was obvious by the way Harry stuttered over the last words that the _'and stuff'_ was probably far worse than the events of the graveyard. And knowing what abuse did to a child, it wasn't hard for Severus to guess what those worse events were.

"That's very understandable," Snape finally responded, unsure if he was losing Harry's willingness to reveal more. After a long moment of silence he relaxed when Harry started speaking again.

"Apparently I'm a bit vocal during my nightmares," Harry said quietly, pausing for a long moment afterwards. "Anyways, that's what happened," he added as he took another sip of tea.

_And that would definitively explain the dreamless sleep choice, _Severus thought bitterly to himself before realising that Harry would disclose no more without further encouragement. It was time for Severus to fill in some of Harry's missing sentences.

"Your nightmare woke your uncle that previous night?" Snape asked.

Harry glanced up and met Snape's eyes before giving a small nod, but no auditory answer.

"And the injuries I saw were inflicted by him because he deemed that an appropriate punishment for disturbing his sleep?" Snape pushed further.

Harry dropped his eyes and gave Snape a small shrug. "Yeah, I guess," he said.

"But you do understand your uncle's response was not appropriate?" Snape asked.

Harry continued to stare at the tea cup in his hands, but made no move to answer the professor. He knew in his head that the treatment he received wasn't right, but he couldn't quite understand why no one stopped it if it wasn't okay. It was basically ingrained in his head that it was a 'punishment', meaning that he deserved it. Harry knew other kid's families didn't treat them like that, but they probably hadn't caused all the pain Harry had.

"Harry?" Snape said causing the child's eyes to snap up. "If you do not understand, let me explain. Your uncle had no right to hurt you like that for any reason, especially not a nightmare, something completely beyond your control," he said seriously.

Inwardly, Harry wanted to scream at Snape, _'Then why did it happen so much? Why didn't someone stop him?'_, but instead he kept his mouth shut and nodded. He was ready for this conversation to be over and certainly didn't want to open the door to even further discussion of all the times his uncle had hurt him.

"I'm going to head back to bed. Thank you for the tea, sir," Harry said as he set his tea cup down and made to get up.

"One more thing," Snape said, halting Harry before he barely got out of his chair. "We don't have to discuss that this was not a onetime thing… _yet_… But that leads me to believe that you are using a silencing charm at night since I have never heard a nightmare. Am I correct in this assumption?" he asked.

Harry took a minute to process Snape's words before he saw no harm in answering truthfully. "Yes. Here and at Hogwarts, so I don't bother people," Harry answered while tapping his fingers on the table nervously, waiting to be excused.

"I understand your reasoning, but I'm going to request that you stop using it here. No. I'm going to _demand_ that you stop using it here," Snape said in an unusually soft voice.

Harry just stared at the professor with wide eyes for a second while comprehending what he said. "I don't think you understand. I'll wake you up," Harry finally responded, trying to emphasize how annoying that would be for Snape.

"I'm already awake Potter," Snape countered seriously.

"Yes, but-" Harry started to retort.

"But nothing, Harry," Snape interrupted. "I'll put up wards to prevent a silencing charm from even being performed on the second floor if I have to."

At this, Harry looked mutinous. _How dare Snape take this away from him?_ It was one of the few things Harry still had control over.

"Harry, this is your home for the summer. You should be comfortable in your own home and as it is obvious you were not at your relatives, you deserve this moment of peace here. I understand your desire to use the charm at school, but the only person here to disturb is me, and as I have already pointed out, you will not be disturbing me," Snape said smoothly.

Harry was speechless. Of all the things he had expected Snape to say, that this was his home was certainly not it. Perhaps a snarky, '_this is my home and you will abide by my rules'_, but not this. It made his heart clench. Would he ever truly have a real home? It felt good to let himself pretend what Snape said was true, that this was his home.

"All right," Harry finally answered, staring into the professor's eyes. _What harm would it do to believe Snape? To trust him? It was only just for the summer, right? _

"Thank you," Snape said, grateful Harry didn't put up more opposition.

"Goodnight Sir," Harry said, breaking the strange moment.

"Goodnight, Harry," Snape responded as the boy left the kitchen.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Have a wonderful weekend :) and leave me and my wonderful beta's some luv when you get the chance - Mara


	19. Ch 19 Trust Me

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thank you ALL for the wonderful reviews again and all the anonymous ones I can't reply to in person. I absolutely love this chapter, but if there are any mistakes, I'm blaming it on the woman who backed out in front of me, totally annihilating the front right corner of my car and effectively ruining the last few days and causing me to cry way too much. Haha, no you can blame her for totaling my car and the lateness of this chapter, but you can blame me for the typos. But seriously, I could use some extra love…

**Special thanks** to my wonderful betas, Stacy and Jess.

_From Before…_

"_All right," Harry finally answered, staring into the professor's eyes. What harm would it do to believe Snape? To trust him? It was only just for the summer, right? _

"_Thank you," Snape said, grateful Harry didn't put up more opposition. _

"_Goodnight Sir," Harry said, breaking the strange moment. _

"_Goodnight, Harry," Snape responded as the boy left the kitchen. _

**Ch 19 – Trust me**

The rest of Harry's night had been filled with the strangest dreams, but surprisingly, none of the usual nightmares. When he woke the next morning he was convinced yesterday had just been one big dream. But there on the back of the couch was the black robe Snape gave him, the slippers were on the floor next to his bed, and the potions journal sat on the nightstand.

Harry rubbed the sleep from his eyes before he put his glasses on and picked up the journal, running his fingers over the smooth leather and reflecting on everything that had occurred between Snape and himself. The new ease and familiarity was really nice, but… really scary.

Harry pushed those thoughts out of his head. There was plenty of work to be done today and there was no time to slack off, especially after he had finally begun to prove his abilities and determination to the professor. He got up to take a quick shower before heading down to breakfast.

-SS-

When Harry entered the kitchen, it looked as though Snape had already finished eating. He wore his usual black robes and sat with one leg gracefully crossed over the other, sipping his coffee and reading the paper. Harry couldn't help but think of the strange similarities and differences between this scene and his typical summer life at the Dursley's. Harry's uncle always sat at the kitchen table drinking his coffee and reading the paper, but Uncle Vernon was usually barking at Harry to finish cooking breakfast. He certainly would never greet Harry like Snape did.

"Good morning Potter," Snape said, sweeping his eyes over Harry, scrutinizing his appearance.

"Good morning sir," Harry answered with a well rested yawn as he sat at his spot across from the professor and reached for the pitcher of milk. His plate was already prepared with scrambled eggs and hash-browns, kept piping hot thanks to a wonderful thing called a warming charm. This too was much different than every other summer. When or _IF_ he got to eat at the Dursley's, his food was certainly never still warm.

Severus stared at the strange grin the boy wore, wondering what on earth could make him so pleased about a plate of eggs. The child was unbelievably thin when Snape collected him a month ago. And every September, it was amazing to see how scrawny he looked compared to the previous June. But really, was he deprived of food that much, to make a plate of eggs look like a present? _Yes, he was_, Severus thought, scowling to himself.

"I believe it is time to introduce you to the art of dueling. We will spend the afternoon working on that," Snape said casually.

Harry's eyes popped up and he swallowed his mouthful of egg before a grin spread across his face. He was thrilled that he would be learning how to duel and even more excited that Snape thought he was ready for it. "Alright," Harry answered, trying to match the professor's casual tone as he wondered when exactly he began to care what Snape thought of him.

"I should be able to finish my charms homework this morning as well," Harry added.

"You can finish that tomorrow. I have something else planned for the morning," Snape responded without looking away from his paper.

Harry stared at the professor a bit nervously as Snape didn't elaborate on what this _'something else'_ was, but eventually went back to his food.

When Harry finally slid his plate away, Snape put his paper down and checked the time. "We should make our way to the study," he said, getting up from the table and beckoning Harry to follow him.

"Sir, what are we working on?" Harry asked as they made their way across the foyer.

"We are rectifying your wardrobe, as I mentioned last night. The tailor should be here any minute. Have a seat," Snape responded as they entered the room and he made his way over to his desk.

Harry stopped dead in his tracks. "What?" he asked, although he heard Snape perfectly.

Snape just raised an eyebrow and gave Harry an amused look.

"But, sir, I don't have any money. I haven't been to my vault since last summer," Harry said in shock and slightly worried as there was no way he could pay for this.

"No one said anything about requiring money from you Potter," Snape responded and before Harry could retort, the floo flared green.

A middle-aged man with short, well trimmed, dark brown hair and a small matching mustache stepped out of the grate. He was tall, but not as tall as Snape, Harry noted. He wore tan robes that were obviously made from a very fine silk by the way they cascaded off his shoulders.

"Mr. Whitby, thank you for making a house call," Snape said as he approached the man and gave him a firm hand shake.

"Professor Snape, always a pleasure," Mr. Whitby replied not noticing Harry still standing off to the side. "What were you in need of today? I brought everything you instructed," he said, holding up a small briefcase.

"Excellent. However, it is not I who is in need of your services today," Snape answered as he gestured over to Harry. "Mr. Potter will take a few of everything."

Mr. Whitby turned to stare dumbfounded at Harry, obviously in shock that it was indeed _The-Boy-Who-Lived_.

Harry shifted his gaze from the impeccably dressed man and looked questioningly at Snape. _What in the hell was the professor doing?_ There were way too many things completely wrong with this situation. There was no way Harry could pay for all those clothes, not that he even knew what Snape meant by a few of everything, but besides that, how could Snape just tell this _Mr. Whitby_ that he was housing Harry Potter for the summer?

"I will need your full discretion, of course, Mr. Whitby. We wouldn't like it to become public knowledge that Mr. Potter is receiving advanced tutoring," Snape said in a quiet, threatening tone while leveling Harry with an icy glare that said _keep your mouth shut or I'll use a permanent sticking charm on it._

Mr. Whitby recovered faster than Harry, even though he was still clearly in shock. "Of course, of course," he said while shaking his head a little too exuberantly. "And when you say a few of everything…" his voice trailed off, while beginning to scrutinize Harry's appearance with a greedy glint in his eye.

"Under clothes, jeans, t-shirts, dress clothes, school uniforms, outer robes, pajamas, and anything else you can think of that a growing teenager would need," Snape responded with a wave of his hand indicating to get started before he retired to his desk. "And a few pairs of shoes will be necessary."

At the professor's last comment, Harry's jaw dropped while Mr. Whitby's face lit up as though he won the Triwizard Tournament.

In an instant, the tailor had configured a small step stool and enlarged numerous packages of fabric that he had pulled from his briefcase. "You'll need to remove that outer robe please, Mr. Potter, and step right up here," Mr. Whitby said while he pointed to the stool and got out his tape measure.

Harry continued to look completely flabbergasted at the events that were unfolding and turned his head to Snape, who was sitting calmly at his desk. "Sir?" he started to question while shaking his head.

"They're simple instructions really, Potter," Snape answered levelly. "We don't have all day."

Harry let out a frustrated sigh before furiously yanking his robe off and throwing it unceremoniously onto the back of the sofa. It was like Snape planned this perfectly. Harry certainly couldn't object and start an argument with the tailor standing right there. The only option left was to do exactly as Snape wanted and then demand that they return everything afterwards.

Harry stepped onto the stool and instantly Mr. Whitby's magical measuring tape was zipping around him, recording lengths and sizes while the tailor nodded his head in approval. After a few minutes of zooming around his lower body, the man attached some measurements to a few pieces of fabric and banished it with a swish of his wand. Harry could only assume it was sent away to the shop to be stitched together. This process continued on for another fifteen minutes and then Harry's earlier assumption was confirmed when the first of the few fabrics reappeared, neatly folded, and clearly in the shape of different articles of clothing.

Mr. Whitby finally waved Harry off the stool and began to pack up his tools, while the pile of newly-made clothing continued to grow in size.

Harry pulled his robe back on and stood in awkward silence.

Finally, after another few agonizing minutes, two shoe boxes popped into existence next to the pile of clothing and Mr. Whitby spoke up.

"Well, I think that should hold Mr. Potter over for the following school year," he said turning to Snape with a large grin.

"Good. Potter, why don't you take those upstairs," Snape said, indicating the massive pile.

Harry stared at the professor for a minute before realizing he still couldn't argue in front of Mr. Whitby and eventually levitated the clothing and shoes and exited the study.

Once Severus was sure Harry was out of ear shot, he addressed the tailor. "How much will everything be?"

Mr. Whitby had a magical receipt forming in the air and when the quill finally stopped, he went to hand it to Snape. "Nine hundred and fifty galleons. I believe you will find it to be extremely generous," he said.

Snape stuffed the receipt inside his pocket as if he could care less about the shred of paper, before proceeding to pay the man exactly what he asked for.

Mr. Whitby stared at Snape in awe, obviously amazed at his luck for landing such a big sale. "Well, thank you very much Professor, for your continued patronage," he said, shaking Snape's hand.

"Yes, well there is one last thing. Obliviate!" Snape said with a quick flick of his wand. He may have trusted Mr. Whitby, but he certainly couldn't have anyone knowing about Harry's location.

Mr. Whitby stared at Snape with a confused expression for about a minute before his face lit up again. "Well, I hope the clothing is to your liking Professor Snape. It was a pleasure as always," he said before walking towards the floo.

"Yes, thank you. They are exactly what I was in need of," he said smoothly, before tossing some floo powder into the grate for Mr. Whitby and watching him disappear. Once the man vanished Snape made quick progress of restoring the protective wards restricting access to the floo.

Severus stared into the flames with a smug look long after Mr. Whitby disappeared. A part of him claimed he only did this because Lily would never forgive him if he were in this position to provide for her son and chose not to. But another part of him knew it wasn't just for her. That child had so far to go to overcome all the damage the Dursley's had caused, but this would be one small step in the right direction. Harry deserved this. Now he just had to explain to Harry that the clothing was not just some gift of pity.

-SS-

When Harry got up to his room he directed the pile of clothing down gently onto his bed and just stared at the clothes and shoes for a long time, unsure of what to do with them. He couldn't put them away if he was going to demand that Snape return them. But eventually, the desire to just look at even one article of clothing over took him and he pulled the top piece off the pile. Holding the collar, it unfolded to reveal a simple, green t-shirt. It was a dark, emerald green that probably matched his eyes perfectly.

Clenching the soft fabric with both hands, Harry slowly closed his eyes, trying to stop the prickling sensation building in them. _It was just a stupid t-shirt!_

But it wasn't. To Harry, it was so much more. His entire life, he had hoped and dreamed for something like this, for someone to do things like this for him. The Dursley's were supposed to take care of Harry and yet they never bought him anything, not even a basic article of clothing like a t-shirt. Harry spent his entire childhood living in his cousin's gigantic hand-me-downs. Finally, Hagrid took him to Diagon Alley and Harry had bought some of his own clothes that actually fit, but he had paid for them himself. Mrs. Weasley sent him those jumpers every Christmas, but still, it didn't mean the same thing as this.

This was what a parent was supposed to do. This was what Harry never had growing up and what he would never ever have. Sirius was wonderful, but he could never be that figure for Harry. He could never replace the childhood Harry lost when his parents died for him. He could never take away all the pain the Dursley's had caused or the nights he sat alone in his cupboard praying for a family or just someone to hold him. And he could never erase the nightmares that still haunted him every night. Sirius was much more like a big brother or best friend. He knew the man loved him but Sirius seemed to forget sometimes that Harry wasn't his father.

But for this one moment, it was so easy to give in to the temptation to think he could rely on Snape just a little. Merlin, it felt so good to think that way, even if it wasn't true.

_What am I doing?_ Harry thought bitterly to himself while wiping the back of his hand across his face to remove any traces of moisture. Walking over to the side of the bed, he sunk down onto it still clutching the t-shirt. His back was to the door and he stared out the window lost in thought. That was how Snape found him almost an hour later.

-SS-

After what seemed like plenty of time for Harry to put the clothing away, he still hadn't come back downstairs so Severus went in search of the child. He figured Harry would still want to protest the new additions to his wardrobe and Severus' assumptions were confirmed when he got to Harry's room.

Through the open door, Severus could see the pile of clothing sitting on Harry's bed and Harry just behind them, unmoving and staring vacantly out the window.

Severus knocked lightly, but when Harry made no movement, he took a few steps across the small sitting room.

"Potter," he called in an unusually soft voice.

Harry's head jerked a fraction of a centimeter as though obviously startled, but he didn't immediately respond.

Severus waited patiently while noting the t-shirt clutched in Harry's hands. That was a good sign.

"Sir," Harry finally acknowledged without looking away from the window.

"You are free to banish any old clothing that is either un-wearable or something you would simply no longer like to see," Severus stated smoothly.

"That wouldn't be a good idea. I might need them next summer," Harry stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

Severus' eyes fell shut slowly, the only sign of frustration evident in his body language. "I'm quite positive we have already discussed that you are never returning to the Dursley's. Trust me," he said in a slightly stern voice.

"Trust you?" Harry echoed in a whisper as if the idea was completely ludicrous while closing his eyes. The burning sensation returned as his mind ran through all his thoughts from the last hour.

If Severus didn't have impeccable hearing he would have missed Harry's words. The child was probably only talking to himself, but Severus responded anyway.

"Yes Harry, trust me, even at the very least, if only on this issue," Snape answered.

Those words effectively ripped Harry from his inner thoughts and his desperate attempt to pretend nothing was wrong. "Trust you! How can I trust you after the way you've treated me for the past four years?" he all but screamed in response as he jumped up to face the professor.

Severus clenched his jaw trying his best to keep his anger in check. His well laid plans would be ruined if he lost his temper with the child now and he did note that Harry never let go of the t-shirt.

"My treatment of you was… unacceptable," Snape said roughly. "However, child abuse is not and will never be permissible."

"That's not what it was," Harry retorted as if the words were well-practiced in his head.

"Do you really desire to partake in this particular conversation now? I will if need be," Snape answered honestly. "You will not be returning to that house even if I have to take over your guardianship myself."

Harry stared at the professor, completely speechless. Snape sounded honest and sincere to Harry but it was still hard to believe. He wanted to though, he really did. He wanted to trust Snape, but he just wasn't sure if he could trust anyone. No one ever came through for him on this issue before so why would it change now? But Snape was right on one thing. Harry did not want to have this conversation now, or ever. So he would settle on avoiding the decision of whether or not he could trust the man in front of him.

"You should return some of these clothes. I can't afford all of them," he said, turning to look back out the window.

"You're not paying for them Potter," Snape said, never letting his eyes waver from Harry.

"I've always bought my own clothes while I've been at Hogwarts. I have my inheritance, I just don't need all these," Harry said, gesturing to the heap of new clothing.

"It is not your responsibility to buy your own clothing," Snape answered.

"It's not yours either," Harry answered a bit heatedly, meeting Snape's gaze again.

"As a matter of fact, it is," Snape replied.

Harry was rendered speechless for a second time and Severus took the opportunity to drive his point home.

"You are my ward for the summer and therefore it is my responsibility to provide basic necessities for living. Those include food, shelter, and clothing. I understand you have not received that in the past at no fault of your own, however, that does not mean you do not deserve them now, when someone is quite capable to provide them for you. Your inheritance should not be spent on items like that and it is a shame you had to in the past. Until you are an adult, you will no longer be purchasing these sorts of things for yourself," Snape said without hesitation.

"I don't need your pity," Harry bit back after a moment of silence.

"I think you can read me better than that. This has nothing to do with pity Harry. This is about what you deserve. What every child deserves. Do not lose sight of that," Snape answered calmly.

Harry had no response for the professor. He was still getting used to this _nicer_ Snape and the man was quite convincing although Harry was trying his hardest to deny everything Snape said. However, he couldn't continue to pretend Snape didn't know about his life at the Dursley's. It didn't take a genius to put everything together and Snape had seen plenty of the puzzle.

But this entire situation was just so foreign to Harry. No one had ever offered to provide these sorts of things for him. Mrs. Weasley had always been so kind and motherly whenever he visited the Burrow but it was never permanent. Sirius offered him a home last year but that never happened. And even though Harry knew his godfather really loved him, Sirius seemed unable to take care of him like this.

"I trust you will be able to put these all away by lunch?" Snape asked, breaking Harry from his internal debating.

Seeing a small nod from the child, Severus silently left the room. Having put the idea in Harry's head, for now he could only hope that the boy would choose to accept it.

-SS-

Harry didn't hear Snape leave but figured he must be gone. He wasn't sure how long it took to come to his decision and if it hadn't been for the incident last night with the robe and slippers, Harry may not have been convinced that it wasn't just pity on Snape's part. But whatever it was, in one frantic movement he ripped his robe off and then the old t-shirt that used to belong to Dudley, casting it to the floor before pulling on the green t-shirt he had been holding. It fit perfect, loose and comfortable but the right size.

He wasn't trusting Snape, he told himself. He was just giving in to this one opportunity. It didn't mean anything. He could accept this one act of kindness and it didn't mean he was showing any vulnerability.

He went over to the wardrobe and yanked open the doors, pulling out school robes, uniforms, or any article he had purchased himself and throwing them onto the bed until all that remained were items that reminded him of the Dursley's.

Snape was giving him this one chance to defy the Dursley's and Harry was going to take it. To hell with the consequences next summer, this was something he needed to do now.

He grabbed the first t-shirt he could, an old blue one, three sizes too big with holes and stains. Harry wedged his fingers into one of the holes and gave a good yank, effectively ripping a large section of the shirt off from the bottom, before he flung the two pieces over to the pile on the floor. The rest of the wardrobe was cleaned out in a similar fashion, shredding each article, one at a time, without the use of magic, until a large pile of rags was created in the center of the room.

Staring at the empty wardrobe, Harry let himself fall to the floor leaning back against the corner post of his bed and pulling his knees in towards his chest. He sat like that for a long time, and surprisingly, the anxiety he expected to build in his chest never came. In fact a sense of relief filled him, as if a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders.

"Marla," Harry finally called out without moving.

The little elf appeared in a matter of seconds with a small pop.

"Master Harry, is everything alright? Is little master sick?" she asked worriedly. "Should Marla get Master Snape?"

"No Marla," Harry answered while shaking his head. "I'm fine."

The little elf didn't look completely convinced and continued to stare at Harry with her big amber eyes.

"I was just wondering if you could get rid of these for me," he asked solemnly while gesturing to the pile of rags behind her. All the while, his gaze still firmly planted on the empty wardrobe.

"Of course Master Harry," Marla said extremely happy to be of use.

With a snap of her fingers the pile disappeared and Harry let the tiniest smile flash across his face for a second.

"Thank you," he told the elf quietly, seeing the now clear floor out of the corner of his eye. "That's all."

Marla nodded and disappeared, leaving Harry to his own thoughts once again.

After getting off the floor, Harry spent the rest of the morning putting away the new clothes, taking the time to inspect each article individually. The robes were exquisite, and it seemed, Snape had picked out some of the finest material, yet Harry still found the simpler items to be the most important. Every time he came to a plain t-shirt or even the undergarments Harry found himself thinking back to his desperate longing for a proper family and Snape's words echoed in his head… _'what you deserve…'_.

There was no reason not to enjoy this, as long as he remembered it wasn't permanent.

-SS-

Harry's words had been ringing in Severus' ear for the last hour, but right now he was waiting for Marla to return. He had been explaining that he needed her to prepare one of the large unused sitting rooms for dueling this afternoon when she was called away by Harry. Severus didn't want to get his hopes up as to what that could mean so for now he kept repeating the same thoughts.

_I don't deserve his trust, Lily. I failed you. I promised to protect him and I overlooked the worst injustice of all, my own treatment of him_.

Severus sat in the study, staring at the flames again. Leaning forward he tiredly put his head in his hands. When he closed his eyes he could see those emerald orbs staring back at him with disappointment, both Lily's and Harry's. Severus resolved to make an even greater effort. He would not let Harry go through the entire school year thinking he might be returning to that dreaded house. No, Harry would believe him before the summer was over if it was the last thing Severus did.

Marla reappeared with a small pop directly in front of her master and upon seeing his raised eyebrow, knew he was waiting for an explanation.

"Master Harry asked Marla to dispose of some shredded clothes for him, sir," she said.

Snape smirked and nodded at the elf. _Maybe I am beginning to get through to him after all. Ridiculous Gryffindors. _

-SS-

_TBC…_

Leave me and my wonderful beta's some luv and maybe a new fender or headlight, or some brownies… brownie batter makes car accidents better - Mara


	20. Ch 20 Losing Control

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thank you ALL for the reviews. I'm totally blown away by them. And happy weekend everyone!

**Thank you Jess and Stacy!**

_From Before..._

"_Master Harry asked Marla to dispose of some shredded clothes for him, sir," she said. _

_Snape smirked and nodded at the elf. Maybe I am beginning to get through to him after all. Ridiculous Gryffindors. _

**Ch 20 – Losing Control**

Harry was quiet at lunch, but at least he didn't seem depressed, Severus thought. He hoped the mornings' activities had been cathartic for Harry. It was, at the very least, a big step for him to admit that the Dursley's treatment of him had been wrong and another large leap in trusting that he really wouldn't have to go back there.

Severus could see through the top of Harry's robes that the boy had chosen to don that new t-shirt he had been holding earlier. It gave Severus a strange feeling. It had been a very long time since he had felt like he had done something good for someone without any ulterior motive. Any work for the Order in an attempt to atone for past sins did not count as a selfless good deed.

It was a little scary though, knowing Harry might actually be starting to trust him. Severus didn't want to break that. The boy's trust in others, especially adult figures, was already so fragile. Severus couldn't help but wonder how many people knew about the abuse during Harry's childhood and did nothing.

And to think, Severus once thought Harry spoiled. That child didn't even have basic necessities and yet he just tried to demand Snape return the clothing or accept money from his inheritance to pay for it.

Harry was eating slowly, but not necessarily just picking at his food. Severus imagined it was more like he was thinking intently before each bite.

"Is your Charms homework the last of your summer assignments?" Severus inquired, taking a break from his own inner thoughts to interrupt the silence that had over taken the kitchen table.

The small talk that commenced was good for both of them.

-SS-

After lunch, Harry followed Snape down the hall from the kitchen to an unused lounge. Snape had mentioned Marla had prepared the room for them. Now Harry could see what he meant. The room was magically enlarged and instead of furniture there were large boulders and huge oak trees. Harry stared at the new environment in awe. It was quite fascinating to see a live tree growing out of an old Persian rug.

Snape walked to the center of the room and turned to face Harry, giving him a brief minute to assess his surroundings.

"I know you are already aware of basic procedures for official dueling. I believe it will be beneficial to take a more practical approach," Snape said in full lecture mode.

Harry nodded, giving the man his attention while stepping farther into the room.

"To simplify things during our first session, I will stick to a standard stinging hex. Avoid it by any means necessary and return fire with any spell that comes to mind," Snape continued.

Harry's mind raced, making a mental list of every charm, spell, hex, or jinx that might be useful.

"My ultimate aim, however, will be to disarm you. This should be your goal as well," Snape added. "We will still bow. Then you will have five seconds to find cover. Do you have any questions?"

"No sir," Harry said as he stepped directly in front of Snape and faced him. He watched as Snape gave a graceful bow and then did likewise. Upon straightening himself, he looked to the professor for confirmation that they were starting.

"Four seconds and counting, Potter," Snape answered the silent question, while acting perfectly relaxed.

Harry tore off behind a large rock, just barely escaping the first stinging hex Snape fired. Popping back out around the rock, Harry just had time to shout, "Protego!" as Snape shot another hex his way. Having no other option, Harry ducked back behind the rock again.

Already breathing heavily, he pressed his back against the cool stone, trying to think up a good strategy. Peering around the other side of the rock, he couldn't see Snape anywhere.

"Potter, you need to keep moving," Snape called out from somewhere to his right.

Harry spun around shouting "Impedimenta!" but it missed the mark. Snape did not and a burning sensation shot through Harry's left shoulder.

Casting another Protego, Harry made his way around the rock and out of Snape's direct line of sight.

"Potter, I could have just taken your wand," Snape called out now from somewhere more to the left. "You've gone on the defensive and you're backing yourself into a corner."

Harry let out a frustrated sigh while trying to flex his shoulder a little to ease the pain. "And how exactly am I supposed to get the offensive when the minute I move you could kill me?" he asked out loud.

Without warning, his wand was ripped from his hand and went shooting across the room.

"Not like that," Snape answered, stepping out from behind one of the many trees, holding Harry's wand.

Harry let his head fall back against the rock. That had gone horribly. It was nothing like practicing defensive spell work. Snape was stealthy and quiet. And he was right. He backed Harry into a corner and it was like there was no way to flip the game and gain the upper hand. Taking a deep breath, he faced the professor, waiting for the inevitable lecture.

"You brought up a good point. At least you are aware a stinging hex will be the least of your worries in a real duel," Snape said evenly. "But for now you need to keep moving. I had the upper hand from the beginning because you never changed locations."

Harry nodded in understanding, but almost wanted to protest. The minute he tried changing positions Snape would hit him with a stinging hex. And if this were a real duel, that could quite possibly mean he was dead. How was that a good strategy?

"It will get worse before it gets better," Snape said while handing Harry's wand back. "If you remain stationary out of fear of a possible attack, you will surely lose."

"Again," Snape directed, stepping the appropriate paces away from Harry and making a slight bow.

Harry did the same and another session commenced. Following Snape's instruction, he received ten more stinging hexes to his arms, legs, and torso for his efforts.

"Better," Snape said, handing Harry his wand. "Again."

By the third time his whole body ached, but he squared his shoulders and faced Snape again. The professor would not be able to fault his determination or perseverance.

-SS-

By evening, Harry was thoroughly exhausted. Dueling was just plain brutal as they repeated the cycle over and over again. And although there were no cruel insults, gone were the smooth compliments that had rolled off the professor's tongue during their last brewing session. Critiques were constant as there was still so much for Harry to learn.

He also found the dueling session to be enlightening, as it gave him the chance to witness Professor Snape's vast magical power. He was mesmerized by the gracefulness with which Snape moved and even further impressed by his speed when firing off curses and counter curses. The man could seemingly predict Harry's next hex before he even uttered it. This provoked Snape to point out that they needed to practice nonverbal magic.

The first of many of these lessons occupied the hours after dinner, forgoing Occlumency, for which Harry was ever grateful. Of course, those dreaded classes would resume tomorrow, but Harry would take any break he could get from them.

Now, getting ready for bed and sufficiently prepared to sink into the luxurious blankets and pass out immediately, Harry couldn't decide what to do. Last night he promised the professor he wouldn't use a silencing charm anymore and had no problem sticking to his word when he went to sleep then. But now, the thought frightened him. Or maybe it was just embarrassing. Either way, he didn't want Snape to hear one of his nightmares. How would that really help either of them anyway? It wasn't like the man would come in and comfort Harry like he was a five year old or something.

But he had promised Snape he wouldn't use the charm, not to mention his professor would probably have some ward ready to alert him before Harry even finished the incantation. And then Snape would be really mad at Harry, or even worse, disappointed. Maybe he could stave off the nightmares. He didn't always wake up screaming. What it all boiled down to was whether it was worse to wake up the professor and be embarrassed, or to disappoint the man by disobeying him?

-SS-

Severus wanted to trust Harry and did forgo any wards to alert him of a silencing charm, but by the third day he was growing suspicious. He had been tempted to check the previous night but managed to refrain. Now he planned to ask Harry point blank_._ He believed they had gotten to the point where Harry was willing to be more honest with him and if not, it wouldn't be hard for Severus to see if he was lying.

Harry was almost done with his dinner when Severus cleared his throat. He darted his eyes up to lock with Snape's.

"How are your nights faring now that they are void of a silencing charm?" Snape asked.

A deep red blush heated Harry's cheeks and Severus instantly had his answer.

"Potter!" Snape couldn't stop himself from calling out sharply. He immediately regretted the outburst when he saw Harry flinch.

Harry recovered from the shock in an instant and his shame turned to anger. "What do you expect me to do?" he shouted back.

"I _expect_ you to obey me," Snape hissed.

"Why? Give me one good reason why!" Harry retorted mutinously.

"Because you should not suffer in silence," Snape replied with a harsh note of finality to his tone.

Harry's mouth just gaped open as if the words he were about to speak were violently knocked out of him and all he was left with was the ability to form a quiet "Oh."

"The wards go up tonight since I now know I cannot trust you to obey me without them," Snape said evenly.

It felt like Harry's heart clenched up into his throat. He still had no desire for Snape to see one of his nightmare's first hand, but the man's disappointment hurt twice as much now that he knew Snape had trusted him these last few nights. He found that all he could do was nod minutely. He wished desperately that he could explain he hadn't used them at first, until the previous night when the dreams had gotten too bad, but Harry figured an explanation wouldn't do any good. And now he had a torturous Occlumency lesson to get through before he could escape Snape's presence.

Harry remained quiet until they made their way over to the study. He was too overwhelmed by his emotions to make speaking possible anyways. Snape's tone implied that he was completely disappointed in Harry and Harry believed any of the little respect he had gained from the man was definitely gone now.

Everything was just too reminiscent of life at the Dursley's. It took a really long time for Harry to realize that he could never gain their respect or love, but for years he tried, only to be left heartbroken continuously. Why would life at Snape's or even his godfather's be any different? No one would be able to trust him, respect him, or ever love him.

-SS-

Harry acted as though he wasn't even hearing Snape while the professor gave out instructions or tried to encourage Harry to at least put forth some effort. The Occlumency lesson began and recent memories of dueling and Harry's birthday whizzed by before Snape was sucked into a specific memory he couldn't look away from.

_A small five year old Harry Potter sat in the scorched grass under the hot summer sun playing with a broken toy truck. Severus almost smiled as he thought the child looked happy and carefree. Harry pushed the truck through the grass in figure eights while supplying his own vehicle noises until another larger boy came plowing into him and knocked him backwards away from the toy. The larger child, Severus could only assume was Harry's cousin, proceeded to stomp on the little vehicle until it was reduced to tiny splinters of plastic. _

_Tears welled up in the dark-haired boy's eyes, but he bit his bottom lip, not allowing them to fall. The larger child just continued to laugh hysterically while pointing between Harry and the completely destroyed toy before taking off towards the house. Halfway to the back door, he went sprawling face first into the ground before wailing profusely. _

_Severus however had his eyes planted firmly on Harry, who was still digging his teeth into his bottom lip and staring at his cousin's feet with intense concentration. Glancing back towards Dudley, Severus now noted that the boy's shoelaces were tied together. _

_The wailing had finally drawn the elder Dursley's to the scene. Petunia was busy fussing over her son, but when Vernon saw the shoelaces his face distorted in pure rage and he turned upon Harry. Severus couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the child's expression morph into the same one the boy had worn tonight at dinner after Severus had confronted him about the silencing charm. It was a look of complete failure and it made Severus' heart break to think he had caused those feelings in Harry. _

"_You little freak!" Vernon hissed at Harry before stomping over to him and latching onto his little arm with what was quite obviously excessive force. _

_Harry gasped before starting to apologize profusely as his uncle dragged him across the lawn. _

"_I'm sorry Uncle Vernon, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do it! I'm sorry! Please, I was just looking at his shoes," Harry pleaded. _

"_So you admit it?" Vernon said, rounding on the child and pushing his nose to within inches of Harry's. _

_The dark-haired child was trembling by this point and trying to cower away, but the painful grip on his arm that was already leaving a bruise wouldn't allow it. _

"_Nnn – no, I – I don't know," Harry stuttered. _

"_You ungrateful little whelp," Vernon hissed before whipping back around and continuing his path to the back door, dragging Harry behind him. _

_Once behind the securely closed door, Vernon launched Harry to the floor with violent force. The tiny child went careening into the far wall with a thud but Severus heard him immediately start apologizing again. _

"_I – I'm sssorry. I'll tr-try harder. I'll be good," he pleaded as he cowered on the floor in a tight ball. Severus could see a small trickle of blood leaking down the side of his forehead where it had presumably hit the wall. _

"_Yes you will!" Vernon yelled at the little boy while he grabbed onto his arm again and dragged him through the kitchen to the hallway by the stairs. "Because you're not coming out till you do!" he finished as he tossed Harry into the cupboard under the stairs. _

The last thing Severus saw was the door slamming shut in his face followed by the distinct sound of a lock before he was finally thrown from the memory.

"Harry," Severus started to say, staring at the fifteen year old, deathly pale Harry Potter standing in front of him.

"No!" Harry said firmly, staring at the floor and balling his hands into fists at his side.

He couldn't believe what had just happened. Those types of memories had never come up before. Why did they have to start now? And usually Snape just breezed through different memories, but when this one continued to play Harry was absolutely mortified and completely helpless to stop it. At first he didn't even try to block Snape out, having been too shocked to move. Once he had gotten his common sense back he tried to push the man out, but had no luck until the very end.

"Harry," Snape tried again.

"NO! Let it go," Harry said in a shaky voice as he turned and left the study without a glance to his professor.

-SS-

When Severus went up to bed a few hours later, he didn't have it in him to actually put up any wards. After that Occlumency session, he couldn't deny Harry the option to use a silencing charm, if only this one night. However, as fate would have it, Harry didn't have it in him anymore to disobey Snape.

Severus just wasn't sure how to help the boy. Harry made it clear that evening that he had no desire to talk and Severus wasn't sure how to proceed after witnessing that memory. It kept playing over and over in his head.

Severus was by no means naïve. He had known things like that had occurred in Harry's childhood and that scene was obviously one of the milder ones, but it was still extremely painful to actually watch. Harry had been so small and helpless and undeserving of that treatment. One thing was certain in Severus' mind. He never wanted to cause the same emotions in Harry that Vernon Dursley had.

Severus was roused from his own unpleasant dreams around two a.m. He felt as though he might be able to fall back to sleep, but if there was even the slightest chance he could find Harry in the library he had to take it. As he pushed himself up, he was startled by a blood curdling shriek and immediately grabbed his wand.

_Had someone gotten into the manor?_

The screaming was definitely Harry's and although it was probably just a nightmare, Severus didn't take any chances by wasting time putting on a robe or slippers.

He stealthily made his way to Harry's room and the source of the screaming, his wand ready for any action. Slipping inside, Severus cast a soft lumos after determining the room was clear of all presences besides Harry's. His initial thoughts were confirmed.

Harry was thrashing around on the bed against some unseen assailant while his eyes were clenched shut. As Severus drew closer he could see there were tiny beads of sweat soaking the boy's forehead and fringe of messy black hair. His screaming was interspersed with incomprehensible mutterings and pleas.

"No, no, no, no," Harry frantically repeated while vigorously shaking his head.

Severus wasn't sure what or who Harry was saying no to, but he could garner a pretty good guess. The child's tone was almost one of begging and the desperation was enough to pierce Snape's cold heart. He wondered for a moment how many times Harry had futilely begged his uncle to stop whatever torture the man was inflicting.

He tried to get closer to Harry, but the boy's flailing limbs made it almost impossible without risking a blow to his torso or face.

"Potter," he called out loud enough to be heard through Harry's own words and screams.

It seemed to be the wrong thing to say, as Harry only proceeded to struggle harder in the bed. Severus was worried the boy might injure himself with the sheer force that he was thrashing about.

"NO! PLEASE! NO!" Harry continued to scream.

The _please_ was what did it for Snape. In an instant, he leaned over the bed, supporting himself with one knee on the edge of the mattress, and snatched Harry's wrists out of the air, holding on firmly.

"No, no, no, no, please no," Harry continued to mutter and protest, only in a much more defeated voice as though he was already aware of his fate and the words would do no good.

Severus used all his willpower to quash the overwhelming rage he felt towards the Dursleys and redirected his attention back to Harry.

"Harry, its Professor Snape. You're in your room. You're safe," he said in the calmest voice he could muster.

Harry continued to fight against Snape's hands, but with less strength. He kept shaking his head back and forth, obviously not hearing a word the man said.

With Harry's continued struggle, Severus worried maybe restraining the child by the wrists was the wrong thing to do in the case of a nightmare and attempted another approach.

"Harry, it's alright. You're safe. I'm here. It's just a dream," Snape murmured repeatedly, trying to break though Harry's dream while slowly releasing the boy's arms.

In an instant, Harry drew in a sharp breath and his arms stilled while his emerald eyes shot open, staring up at Snape with something akin to pure fear. In one frantic movement, he ripped himself out from under Snape's looming presence and scrambled to the other side of the bed. In his complete frenzy, he fell to the floor, but righted himself on his feet almost instantly and pressed his back into the corner.

"Harry," Snape called softly while holding his hands up in a placating gesture, trying to stop the boy's panic attack.

"I'm sorry," Harry pleaded, having not even heard Snape call his name. "I'm sorry," he repeated, shaking his head lightly with his eyes scrunched shut.

Snape made a move to walk around the bed, but immediately halted when Harry's eyes popped open in alarm, as if the boy could somehow sense the movement. Harry wouldn't look up at Snape though and instead his eyes were trained on the floor in front of him. Severus thought it seemed as though he were waiting for some inevitable doom.

"Harry," he tried again with his hands still up in a gesture of surrender. "It's Professor Snape. You're in your room. It was only a nightmare. I would never harm you."

Harry could barely hear the voice across the room over the beating of his own heart. He had woken up so disoriented with his uncle looming over him, or at least he could only assume it was his uncle. But the room had seemed different and his bed seemed larger. The imminent attack he had expected hadn't come yet, so he tried to use the time to focus on the room. Without his glasses and only the soft glow of something across the room he couldn't make out much. It would be easiest to look up at whoever was in the room with him, but that was a very bad idea if it was indeed Uncle Vernon.

The voice kept calling his name while maintaining its distance and almost as fast as he had panicked, Harry realized who was speaking. Unbelievable embarrassment flooded through him like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over his head.

"Harry, look at me," Snape repeated.

Harry did as instructed and finally met Snape's gaze for a second, confirming that he was not at the Dursley's before ducking his head again.

Silence encompassed the room until Snape spoke up. "Come sit back down please," he requested in an uncharacteristically soft voice.

Harry closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing without much luck. It always took a long time to calm down after waking from a nightmare, but this was ten times worse, having mistaken Snape for his uncle. And he probably looked like a right idiot standing in the corner. Opening his eyes, he obeyed Snape's request, but opted to stay as far away from the man as possible, sitting on the far side of the bed with his back against the headboard.

Severus noted the defensive posture as Harry drew his knees up to his chest and refused to meet his eyes. The child was breathing heavily and Severus could see a light tremble running through his limbs.

"Perhaps a cup of tea is in order," Snape said quietly.

"No. I'm fine," Harry retorted quickly, his voice a bit hoarse.

"Then a glass of water will be necessary," Snape said as he grabbed an empty cup off the nightstand and proceeded to fill it with a quick Aguamenti spell.

Harry sat motionless save for the shaking. He was completely mortified and unsure of how to proceed to rectify the situation.

"Harry," Snape said while holding out the glass of water.

Harry shook his head. "No, I'm fine," he lied, distinctly noticing the rawness in his throat when he swallowed.

"After that much screaming, you are most certainly in need of a glass of water," Snape insisted. He would not play along with Harry's denial. If the boy was to make any progress he needed to start talking, or at the very least acknowledge the issues that plagued him.

Harry clenched and unclenched his fists a few times while taking a deep breath. He had made sure he was as far away from Snape as possible in an attempt to avoid facing his professor and seeing exactly how pathetic Snape thought he was. But that plan had completely backfired as the man insisted Harry drink the glass of water. With the distance between them now, Harry would have to actually face Snape to reach for the offered cup and there would be no way to hide the shaking.

Severus waited patiently, knowing Harry would listen but needed a few minutes to gather himself.

Finally, he watched as Harry kept his head bowed, refusing to make eye contact, but tilted enough to see Snape's outstretched hand.

With one shaky arm Harry reached out to grab the glass of water, and to his further embarrassment, Snape shifted his grip to the top of the cup, keeping hold until Harry had it close enough to his own body to grab with both hands.

Harry wished _this_ was only a nightmare as well and that Snape wasn't really here witnessing everything. Then he remembered the morning when he found Snape in the study and noticed his hands shaking. Maybe this was how the professor felt then and that was why he had snapped at Harry. Harry could definitely relate, except Snape had a much better reason for his shaking, probably a round of _Cruciatus_, compared to Harry's pathetic nightmare.

Clutching the glass between both hands, he brought it up to his lips as slowly and steadily as possible before taking a long sip. The cool water was soothing as it flowed down his throat. Finishing about half the glass, Harry rested it and his hands against his knees, further hiding any light tremors that remained.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about, Harry," Snape said smoothly. He had noted that instead of dealing with the nightmare, Harry was too busy being self-conscious about his professor's presence.

"I'm fine," Harry retorted, starting to get a little annoyed at Snape's insistence.

"Yes, so you've said," Snape said silkily.

Now Harry could definitely understand why Snape snapped at him that day. It was infuriating having the man standing over him voicing everything Harry was trying to deny. It went back to that question Harry hated so much… _Are you alright?_ Only Snape had a sneaky, indirect way of asking it. That stupid question always had a way of unhinging him. And the professor already had enough examples from this summer to think Harry was pathetic.

He was overwhelmed by the embarrassment of the nightmare and the emotions it had dredged up, but there was also another emotion overtaking Harry. Snape had not left him. He had not retreated from the room the minute he woke Harry. And although he wasn't saying he cared exactly, he was asking if Harry was alright. So as much as he hated Snape's persistence and as much as he would deny that he was not alright until the very end, it felt good to know Snape was there right now.

Harry couldn't help but wonder if Snape had felt any of that the morning Harry had inquired about his professor's health. Maybe the man needed someone to care just as much as Harry did, but also needed to deny it just as much.

"Perhaps you would like to discuss the dream," Snape said, breaking into Harry's thoughts.

"No. Thanks," Harry said quickly.

"It would do you good," Snape added and to himself, _hypocrite! _

"What do you want from me?" Harry asked bitterly.

"Is it too much to believe I have your best interests in mind?" Snape asked in return.

Harry exhaled loudly as if the wind was knocked out of him before finally responding, "Yes."

"That is understandable. However, you should know I do," Snape answered smoothly.

"Look, just like you don't need my sympathy, I don't need yours either," Harry said coldly.

Snape's eyes widened minimally. _Ah, so he made the same connection I did,_ Snape thought proudly.

"Perhaps my presence seems aggravating, however, if you spoke about these nightmares you might be less inclined to have them," Snape said levelly.

Harry's ability to hear only what he wanted to jumped into play and he finally turned to glare at the professor. Because to him, Snape was saying the nightmares needed to stop, not for Harry's benefit, but for his own. "I warned you that this would be annoying, so let me put the silencing charm up and it won't be your problem," Harry said and added, "sir," with an icy hiss.

Severus noted the glass was shaking in Harry's hand again as if he was restraining himself from hurling it across the room. "You misunderstand me," he started to say only to be interrupted by Harry.

"NO I DON'T!" he screamed as the glass in his hand exploded, scattering little shards of glass all over himself and the duvet cover. He let out a gasp at both the accidental magic and the pain searing through his hands. He quickly made to get out of the bed, but was halted by Snape's commanding voice.

"Potter, Do. Not. Move," he said, and with a quick wave of his wand, the majority of the shards of glass were cleared away. Severus was angry with himself for pushing the child too far and was trying desperately not to let it show in his demeanor. Seeing the blood oozing down Harry's hands and falling onto the bedspread, Severus had to calm himself even further. Harry was injured once again and it was Severus' fault. Making his way around the other side of the bed he could see the trembling return to Harry's body as if the boy were expecting some sort of punishment.

The sternness of Snape's voice had made Harry cringe and he dropped his head while resting his hands against each knee, palms up. He scrunched his eyes shut. He didn't want to look at the blood or the little shards of glass embedded in his skin. It would only reinforce that he had completely screwed up and the professor was probably furious. Working his bottom lip between his teeth, he tried to figure out the best plan of action. It never worked with his uncle, but for some reason Harry never stopped trying to apologize.

"Sir… I'm sorry," Harry stuttered.

"If anyone should be apologizing, it is I," Snape said as he wrapped his fingers around Harry's left wrist with extreme precision. Even with the gentleness of the touch, Harry flinched and tried to pull away. Severus put his other hand on Harry's shoulder for a brief, reassuring moment. "Harry, let me heal your hands," he said.

Severus made quick work of removing each shard of glass and healing each cut while continuing to speak.

"I should not have pushed the issue here. Ridding yourself of these nightmares is not for my benefit. I have already explained that I do not care if you wake me and as a matter of fact, I was already awake tonight. But you have every right to feel comfortable and secure in your own room and I clearly made you uncomfortable trying to force the conversation. We will resume it at another time," he said before muttering a final healing spell and then summoning a jar of healing balm.

Harry could feel Snape gently rubbing the cream across each newly healed cut. He couldn't look up though and never opened his eyes, instead opting to listen to Snape's words to figure out the man's motives. It just couldn't possibly be that the professor suddenly cared for some reason. The only thing Harry could come up with was the war and Harry's own mental stability. Maybe the professor thought Harry was losing it and they couldn't have that if Dumbledore needed Harry to help fight Voldemort. He still wasn't quite sure what his part was in this war, but Voldemort definitely wanted him dead and everyone else seemed to think he was the _Chosen One_.

"I will not let this go, Harry," Snape said as he finished on the last cut and let go of Harry's wrist.

"What do I have to do to prove my loyalty to Dumbledore? That I'm not going to have some mental breakdown?" Harry asked bitterly.

"Prove your loyalty?" Snape questioned. For once he couldn't quite figure out Harry's logic.

"Yeah. You obviously think I'm going to lose my mind or something and sneak out on my duty or whatever it is Dumbledore needs me for. But I'm not going to. What do I have to do to prove that?" Harry explained further.

Now Severus understood perfectly. And who was to blame for the boy having that idea? _It couldn't possibly be myself, _he thought cynically. It was quite probable that Harry had never had an adult figure show any sort of care or concern without wanting something in return. And what could Severus say to Harry now without lying? Even though he had come to care for the child, that didn't erase the prophecy or the fact that there was an inevitable duty expected of him.

"Ah, so you think I'm playing psychiatrist for the headmaster?" Snape asked. "I thought I had made it clear already that there are certain things you _deserve_, Harry. It may be hard to believe coming from me, but I would have passed these issues off on your godfather long ago if I did not _want_ to help you."

Harry heard the emphasis, as if Snape was outright telling Harry he wanted to help him. His head and his heart were clashing violently. The former screaming that Snape was lying and there was obviously some ulterior motive while his heart insisted the man sounded so honest. Merlin, how he wished he could just pour his heart out to Snape. To just open up and admit to the overwhelming pain that was threatening to suffocate him. Harry didn't know how much longer he could handle it all, but that doubt in the back of his mind just wouldn't allow him to speak. He'd been let down and humiliated too many times.

"I assume you won't plan on sleeping any more tonight, so I won't bother trying to entice you with a vial of Dreamless Sleep. I will leave it here, however, if you change your mind," Snape said as he set the small vial down on Harry's nightstand. "I hear the library is nice this time of evening, but I prefer Marla's tea," he added suggestively.

Severus felt as though he had sufficiently provided enough options for the child, and for the moment he would be better off giving Harry some space to prove he wasn't just using the boy. He certainly wasn't prepared or experienced enough to provide adequate comfort to Harry.

Harry listened to Snape leave the room while he continued to stare at his open palms lightly touching his thumbs to each fingertip. He could take the dreamless sleep and forget about the whole incident and pretend like it never happened tomorrow or he could follow the professor and have tea like he suggested. That was the interesting part to everything Snape had said. Without coming right out and saying it, Snape had told Harry where to find him if he needed anything else. The question now was whether Harry did indeed need something else. And that answer was an obvious yes, but did he trust Snape?

-SS-

_TBC…_

Hope you all enjoy. It's like 3 pages longer than usual too so you should leave me some love for that. :) -Mara


	21. Ch 21 Fateful Revelations

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thank you ALL! Sorry it took longer than usual. I was away for the weekend and just couldn't update. Hope it was worth the wait.

**Thank you Jess and Stacy!**

_From Before…_

_Harry listened to Snape leave the room while he continued to stare at his open palms lightly touching his thumbs to each fingertip. He could take the dreamless sleep and forget about the whole incident and pretend like it never happened tomorrow or he could follow the professor and have tea like he suggested. That was the interesting part to everything Snape had said. Without coming right out and saying it, Snape had told Harry where to find him if he needed anything else. The question now was whether Harry did indeed need something else. And that answer was an obvious yes, but did he trust Snape? _

**Ch 21 – Fateful Revelations**

Snape sat at his usual spot in the kitchen wondering if he had made the right decision. Maybe he shouldn't have left the boy in that state. But Merlin, he had no idea what he was doing when it came to things like this. He wasn't a parent and the only example he had to go on was his own mother, who was usually hurting as much as he was during his childhood.

He assumed leaving Harry to cool down would be better than pushing the child to the point that he resented Severus. And he hoped that giving Harry the option to come downstairs would encourage him to do so, thinking things were on his own terms. But now, after nearly twenty minutes, Severus was beginning to think he'd made a mistake.

Lily should be here comforting her son. _And whose fault is it that she isn't? _ Severus asked himself bitterly. He let his eyes fall shut while he inhaled the soothing steam from his tea. _Lily, what do I do?_

When Severus opened his eyes, he thought for a second his internal musings had morphed into hallucinations as Lily's emerald eyes stared back at him. But then he realized she was just answering his prayer. He hadn't even heard Harry come in, but there he was sitting across the table.

Severus calmly poured a second cup of tea and pushed it towards Harry. It looked as though there was something right on the tip of Harry's tongue and he was just itching to spit it out.

Severus sat patiently sipping his own tea until Harry finally spoke up.

"Alright, I will answer your questions if you will answer mine," Harry all but demanded, with a determined stare.

Severus couldn't stop the small smirk. "How very Slytherin of you," he said.

"Well, the hat wanted to put me there," Harry replied candidly after realizing the compliment.

Snape's eyebrow rose with intrigue. "And I thought I had heard all of your unbelievable tales."

Harry smirked at the man. "It did," he reiterated.

"Do elaborate," Snape requested.

"It said Slytherin would help me on my way to greatness or something along those lines," Harry said, slowly losing the confidence he held a few seconds ago.

Severus stared at Harry intently. He would have never admitted it before, but now that he had gotten to know the child he could definitely agree with that old hat. Harry could be very cunning when he wanted to and he certainly had proven his ability to hide details he didn't want others to know about.

"What was its reasoning then, for not placing you in my house?" Snape asked watching Harry blush profusely.

"I uhh… begged it not to," Harry said, dropping Snape's gaze.

Severus wondered if Harry was afraid of hurting his feelings. "Really?" he asked in an amused tone trying to gain back the boy's eye contact.

Harry did chance a glance up while attempting to explain further. "Well, I didn't know much about the houses, but I had met Ron and his family already and they seemed really nice. And my only experience with Slytherin was Malfoy. We didn't really get off on the right foot and I don't think I would have had a very good time at school in the same house as him," he said nervously.

"Well that is understandable," Snape replied while internally cursing the entire Malfoy family. Things could have been so different if Harry had ended up in his house.

Harry eyed Snape wearily. "You're not mad?"

"With those previous experiences, I cannot fault your decision," Snape answered honestly. He thought it looked as though something more was on Harry's mind in regards to this topic, but couldn't figure out what it might be.

Harry just nodded his head and went back to his tea.

"Shall we return to your challenge? I cannot of course answer any questions regarding the Order. Otherwise, I will do my best," Snape said sincerely.

Harry gaped at the man.

"What did your nightmare entail?" Snape asked before Harry had a chance to realize what he had agreed to.

Harry's lips seemed to go dry almost instantly and he wished he could look anywhere but at Snape to avoid the question. He wanted to retort with something sarcastic like _'you already know'_, but he'd suggested this agreement and would now be man enough to follow through.

"My uncle," he finally said, hoping that would be a decent enough answer for Snape.

"Mm," Snape hummed thoughtfully but didn't ask anything else.

"What is Voldemort after?" Harry asked boldly and was immediately shocked to see Snape flinch.

"You will have to try again. That topic is off limits," Snape replied.

Harry was surprised Snape didn't shoot down his question in a much harsher manner and took advantage of the opportunity to try another question that just popped into his head. "Why do you hate it when people say his name?"

Snape clenched his jaw for a second before responding. "When being in the presence of someone for a certain amount of time, you become conditioned to certain behavior. It is almost reflexive," he answered carefully.

Harry nodded in understanding. "I heard everyone calling him '_My Lord'_ or _'Master'_. You were punished for saying his real name, weren't you?" he asked quietly.

Snape clenched his jaw again, cringing at the idea of Harry referring to Voldemort in the same manner he was forced to. "Indeed. It is easier to use the same name at all times," he responded pointedly.

Harry nodded again, but kept quiet, sensing that Snape would prefer to discontinue this line of questioning.

Gazing into Harry's eyes, Severus was surprised to see something akin to intense sadness. He had chosen his own path and was now stuck with the consequences. Harry certainly shouldn't feel bad for him.

"What was your uncle doing in the dream?" he quickly asked Harry, changing the subject.

For a second Harry's whole body froze. He knew what Snape was going to ask next, but he still wasn't prepared for the question to be voiced out loud. Harry didn't know how to explain it, how much to explain, or if he would even be able to actually say it.

As if sensing his uncertainty, Snape spoke up. "Take your time. You will find the right words."

Harry set his cup down and wrapped his arms around his torso in a protective gesture. His eyes locked onto the tea pot in the center of the table and never strayed. Finally, he licked his lips before speaking. "He was hitting me," he said evenly.

"With what?" Snape asked without hesitation.

Harry shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't know the answer although he obviously did.

"His hands," Harry finally said, realizing Snape was still waiting patiently for some type of answer.

Severus wanted to ask more, but knew he had already pushed his luck getting two questions for the price of one this last round. Harry's answers were too short to be beneficial, but any answer at all was progress and Severus certainly didn't want to chase the child out of the kitchen this early.

Noticing that Snape didn't immediately ask another question, Harry retorted with his own. "Why did you become a Death Eater?" he asked.

Severus was taken aback by the audacity of the question yet he didn't detect anything accusatory in Harry's tone, just simple curiosity. In fact, the question only furthered Severus pride in the boy. Harry was certainly doing his best to make Severus as uncomfortable as he must have felt and using the little session to the best of his abilities.

Harry had returned his eyes to the professor's to judge the sincerity of his answer.

Severus held the boy's gaze with unwavering conviction. If anyone deserved an honest answer here, it was Harry. And if anyone deserved to pass judgment on him for those actions, it was Harry.

"I was young and foolish, and turned to the wrong place for what my life lacked," Snape answered, planning to stop there before thinking better of it. "The Dark Lord promised power, wealth, and respect - but above all else – acceptance and a sense of belonging."

Harry was astonished by the man's honesty. Snape could have easily left out the last part of that sentence and Harry would have bought his explanation. He never cared much about power, wealth, or respect, but he knew that most people could be influenced that way. It wouldn't have been hard to imagine Snape as that type of person. But the man admitted he spent his life searching for the same things Harry did. That realization led to a discomforting thought. _What if he ended up like Snape? What if he made some foolish decision in search of those same things?_

"You will not," Snape answered, knowing what Harry was thinking. "You have a loving godfather and devoted friends. And most importantly, I will not let you make the same mistakes I did."

Harry had to bite his bottom lip to stop it from quivering. _Did that mean Snape wasn't going to leave him?_ This thought triggered another worry. "Was it my father's fault? And Sirius? For how awfully they treated you?" he asked in a very unsteady voice.

"My decisions are all my own. I have no one to fault for my actions except myself," Snape placated Harry instantly.

"I'm still sorry, you know. They had no right," Harry said quietly as he dropped his eyes to his cup of tea and entwined his fingers around it.

"You shouldn't be. In fact, you apologize far too often for things that are not your fault," Snape countered.

"Well, they're not going to do it," Harry retorted.

"I will not pretend to like the Marauders, as they will not pretend to like me, but that is hardly your concern," Snape tried to enforce his point further, although realizing in the back of his mind if he was to have any type of relationship with this child, he would have to start acting civilly towards Black.

"Right," Harry said as if thinking the same thing.

Harry sat quietly, trying to brace himself for whatever question Snape would throw at him next. He couldn't complain though. The professor had certainly supplied a much better answer to his last question than Harry had expected.

"Was your dream the reenactment of an actual memory or a hypothetical situation?" Snape finally asked.

"It's hard to say," Harry answered after a moment, knowing exactly what he just admitted to Snape but not able to actually speak it out loud.

Snape filled in Harry's unspoken words for him. "It happened often enough that the scenario in your dream could have been true?" he half asked, half told Harry.

Harry just nodded numbly in response. _Why was he doing this? Why was he admitting this to Snape? _

"When did everything start?" Snape asked softly.

Harry swallowed thickly and then opted to just shrug his shoulders as if he didn't know.

"Do you not know the specific day or was this treatment all you can remember?" Snape prodded further.

Harry was surprised the man didn't sound judgmental in any way and he wasn't mad at Harry for not answering his questions outright. Harry brought the tea cup up to his lips with shaky hands and took a small sip before setting it back down. "I don't know," he whispered. "Er - I mean it wasn't always like this," he amended before realizing what he just admitted again.

Severus watched as Harry's eyes fell shut slowly as if internally cringing at his own words. He did know exactly what Harry meant by those words. So it had always happened but this past summer, or past few summers had been far worse. To his amazement, Harry started speaking again before Severus had to.

"It was worse when I started doing accidental magic, but I didn't know that's what it was at the time," Harry said.

He spoke in a strangely calm and composed voice Severus had heard him use to fool Black the other night after his vision.

"And then the years since starting Hogwarts have been even worse?" Severus asked Harry even though he already knew the answer.

"I guess," Harry replied.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Severus asked and realized the error in his wording within a second. Harry's eyes flashed up to Snape's with a look of pure betrayal written across them.

His heart was pounding ferociously in his chest and he was trying frantically to stop the burning sensation in his eyes. He would not let the man humiliate him that much. "Right, because it's my fault," Harry ground out through clenched teeth while he pushed his chair away from the table and made to leave the room.

He couldn't believe how foolish he had been. Of course the professor would blame him in the end. His uncle always reminded Harry that he deserved everything. Why would anything be different now?

"Harry," Snape called desperately, grabbing the boy's wrist before he made it to the door. "You misunderstood me."

Harry violently ripped his arm from Snape's grip. "_Why didn't I say anything?_" he snarled Snape's words back at the man. "No I understood you perfectly," he finished before storming out of the kitchen.

Severus was immediately on Harry's heels, trying to stop him before he reached the stairs in the foyer. "No, Harry. Let me explain," he tried again, spinning the child around to face him.

Harry stumbled backwards towards the stairs, but made his best attempt at bravery, trying to keep his voice as controlled as possible. "You don't have to explain. I get it. I should have tried to stop him or I should have told someone, right? Maybe it would have stopped if I had just told someone. I get what you're saying."

Severus had a firmer grip on Harry's wrist than he would have liked to use, but he needed to make Harry understand this. "I worded that question entirely wrong. I merely wanted to know if you _had_ told anyone through the years. I was not saying it was your fault. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT," Snape said firmly.

Harry lost the last bit of control he had left. "IT WASN'T MY FAULT?" Harry screamed questioningly while trying to wrench his wrist free from Snape again and collapsing onto the stairs behind him, almost bringing the professor down with him. "OF COURSE I TOLD PEOPLE! UNTIL I LEARNED WHAT A TERRIBLE IDEA THAT WAS! AND DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THE HEADMASTER DIDN'T KNOW? MY HOGWART'S LETTER WAS ADDRESSED TO THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS!" Harry continued to scream until he had to gasp for air. "No one did anything. No one ever did anything! No one did anything because I deserved it," Harry finished in a terrible whisper that echoed through the open foyer as viciously as the screaming had.

"No, Harry!" Severus said immediately as he finally let go of Harry's wrist, allowing the boy to hug his knees up to his chest. His heart ached as he watched Harry perch precariously on the third step, tears streaking down his face. While Severus continued to process everything the boy had just said, he dropped to his knees in front of Harry so that they were at eye level before reaching out and grasping Harry's chin.

Harry flinched at the touch and tried to pull away but Snape wouldn't allow it. He opted to scrunch his eyes shut, hoping the man and this entire situation might just disappear like a bad dream, but Harry knew all too well that his bad dreams never just disappeared.

"Harry, you certainly didn't deserve it," Snape said softly. "Harry, look at me."

Harry refused to open his eyes and shook his head trying to rid it of Snape's voice, but the man refused to let go of his chin and continued repeating his name.

"No one did anything," Harry said, as if to counter Snape's claim that he didn't deserve it. "Why didn't someone stop it if I didn't deserve it?" he said, finally voicing aloud one of his most intimate fears.

He still couldn't get Harry to look at him but Severus knew he had to answer the child and pray that he would at least listen. "Harry, you didn't deserve any of it. We failed you. That is the only answer I can give you. I can only admit that the adults in your life failed you. Someone should have stopped him. Someone should have protected you. Whoever you told or knew during your primary school years should have done something. And all of us at Hogwarts failed you; the headmaster, all of your professors, your head of house, and most importantly – me. We should have realized. We failed you and I'm sorry," Snape said noting that Harry's breathing was becoming even shallower.

"Th - then why," Harry breathed out. "If I didn't deserve it, then… why? Why does he hurt me? Why do they hate me so much? Why can't…" Harry trailed off, not finishing his last thoughts, _Why can't someone just take care of me?_ aloud.

The tears continued to cascade down Harry's face, pooling at Snape's fingers before falling over them as well.

Harry certainly wasn't going to be dissuaded from this idea easily, Severus noted. The child probably spent his entire life coming up with justifications for the treatment he endured. Severus couldn't expect to reverse those beliefs with one conversation. And Harry's use of the present tense pained Severus even further. Harry was still very much living this abuse.

"I don't know Harry. But I do know that you did not deserve any of it. You were an innocent child that deserved to be loved and cared for," Snape said. "None of it was your fault. It took me a long time to realize that for myself and eventually you will too."

"No," Harry argued while shaking his head as much as Snape's hand would allow, not even realizing what the professor had just admitted to him. "They didn't ask for me. It wasn't fair that they got stuck with me. I was just a burden-"

"No," Snape argued right back, cutting Harry off in midsentence. "Do not EVER justify their behavior! They agreed to take care of you and did not. It is as simple as that. Their treatment of you was horrendous and unacceptable."

Harry didn't say anything and continued to keep his eyes closed while he inhaled and exhaled noisy, shallow breaths.

"And I'm stopping it now. Do you understand?" Severus asked while he swiped his thumb across Harry's cheek before deciding he should retract his hand.

Surprisingly, Harry latched on to the sleeve of his robe before his hand had gotten very far and the child finally opened his eyes. It was like the scene in the study a few nights ago all over again. Severus found that he could not deny those emerald orbs of anything they wanted or needed. And right now it was clear to Severus what Harry was silently asking, but he would never come out and make the request. No, if Harry were to get what he so desperately needed right now, Severus would have to give it willingly, without being asked.

Before he could think of the repercussions of his actions, Severus had slid onto the step next to Harry and roughly pulled the child to his chest. He had no idea how to actually offer comfort, having not done so in a long time, but Harry clung to his robe as if his life depended on the contact. Severus wrapped his other arm around Harry's shoulder trying to calm the trembling boy.

"It was not your fault," he repeated involuntarily. His hand snaked up to the back of Harry's head of its own accord and secured the boy to Severus' chest even more firmly as his fingers entwined in Harry's messy hair.

The two wizards sat like that for a long time with Snape whispering the same soothing words over and over again while Harry silently cried his heart out against the man's chest.

Harry found the heart beat pulsing in his ear to be extremely calming and slowly his sobs subsided. He was still utterly amazed at his professor's actions and even more surprised Snape had yet to push him away. Somehow the contact made Snape's words seem more real… more believable… and he hated the idea of that ending. It was as if the minute he was sent away to bed, alone, the whole thing would dissolve into a dream and he would never be able to get this feeling of security to return.

Severus stared down at the messy mop of black hair leaning against his chest. Somewhere along the way that attribute had changed from an annoying one to an endearing one. The boy had long since stilled but Severus knew the child was not asleep. He had allowed the prolonged contact for two reasons. One, it was not as unpleasant as Severus had expected. It felt oddly satisfying to know he was needed. And two, Severus had yet to figure out what would be best for Harry after this awkward moment.

He knew the boy must be exhausted after the emotional turmoil of the day but Severus also had a feeling Harry didn't want to be alone right now. That was actually quite obvious by the way Harry was clinging to his robes and had yet to make any attempt to extricate himself from this strange position. A part of Severus didn't really want to let go of Harry either or at least didn't want to let the child out of his sight.

Relinquishing his tight grip on the boy, Severus slowly moved his hands away from Harry's head and shoulder but left one firmly planted on Harry's arm.

"Come along," he said softly as he stood from the stairs and pulled Harry up with him.

Instantaneously, Harry tried to pull away from Snape and swiped at his face with the back of his hand.

Severus released Harry's arm and moved his hand to the child's back applying light pressure to direct him forward around the stairs.

"As we have both acted sufficiently out of character, there is no reason to be afraid of showing your emotions in front of me any longer," he said softly.

A shiver was emanating out of Harry's chest but he wasn't cold. A part of him wished they could go back to the silent embrace and just never speak about how out of character it was because Harry was pretty certain he would never get that opportunity again. But then Snape's last statement implied that maybe he could continue to seek comfort from him from now on. Harry couldn't see how that would work but there were more pressing matters for him to consider at the moment.

Where was Snape taking him?

He wished he had the courage to ask but Harry found that he had no voice. He was certain Snape would send him off to bed and say he was acting ridiculous, but instead they were heading into the study. Did Snape want to talk more? Harry didn't think he could handle that at the moment, even if he had just admitted so much to the man. The memory from Occlumency had just been too vivid and infiltrated its way into his dreams, making it ten times worse. He didn't think he could focus on any more horrible memories this evening.

The warm hand on his back guided him over to the couch and pushed him to sit down. Harry just stared awkwardly up at Snape through his fringe of messy hair. The shivers had gotten so bad he thought for sure that Snape could see them racking through his body in intermittent waves and his head was pounding fiercely, making him wish he could lie down for a moment.

"You need to get some sleep," Snape said in confirmation of Harry's thoughts as he reached to the end of the couch and grabbed the blanket Harry had used before. Holding the end, it unfurled to its full length, hanging in front of him. "Harry, come on," Snape encouraged, gesturing with one hand for Harry to pick his feet up and lay down.

Harry stared at Snape with an extremely insecure expression.

"I have some work to do and will be right over there," Snape said while indicating his desk.

Harry followed the professor's gaze before realizing what Snape was saying. He had no idea why he needed such reassurances at the moment, but he was just thankful that Snape was volunteering them without question.

"You need some sleep," Snape repeated while again gesturing for Harry to lie down.

This time Harry methodically obeyed, pulling his feet up onto the couch and curling into a tight ball on his side. He reached out to grab for the blanket, but Snape swung it up so that it billowed out before falling gently over Harry's entire body. Harry clutched the one end and coiled it up in his hands, pulling it in under his chin.

Severus had been watching Harry stare straight ahead for a few minutes, so as he let the blanket down he let his hand fall gently onto the boy's shoulder while the other pulled Harry's glasses off. Severus knew it was an extremely gentle and comforting gesture for someone like him but he needed to find a way to convince Harry to close his eyes besides just sheer exhaustion catching up with him.

Apparently the gesture worked because Harry's eyes fell shut instantaneously and Severus gave a reassuring squeeze. "I will be right here," he whispered as he placed Harry's glasses on the coffee table and finally moved away to his desk.

At the loss of contact Harry blinked once before allowing the pain in his body to overrule his common sense and closed his eyes to actually sleep. He could think about Snape's strange behavior at another time and for now, he would take advantage of what the man was offering.

-SS-

Sliding into the seat behind his desk, Severus grabbed a piece of parchment and quill, just to humor Harry in case he was still awake. It was obvious to both of them why Severus was staying though. Actually Severus doubted that last thought. It was obvious Harry_ thought_ he knew why his professor was staying, but Severus doubted it was the right reason.

Severus let out a silent sigh. What he really wanted at the moment was a stiff drink but thought better of that idea while having Harry sleeping in the same room. Merlin only knew if Harry's blasted uncle had been a drinker. No, Severus would make sure he never associated himself with those types of memories in the boy's mind.

With a wave of his wand his tea cup from the kitchen appeared on his desk and he quickly cast a warming charm on it. Maybe he could slip a calming draught in it just to settle his own nerves. Severus immediately cringed at that thought and stood up abruptly. He had completely neglected to offer any such thing to Harry. No, it shouldn't have even been an offer. He should have forced Harry to consume one or a pain reliever at the very least. After this tumultuous evening, the boy would no doubt have a headache.

Grabbing a couple vials from the cabinet behind the desk, Severus made his way back to the couch. He doubted very much that Harry would be asleep yet but as he approached, the boy's breathing sounded even and smooth. It was a far cry from the shallow gasps he had been taking earlier, nearly hyperventilating.

Severus couldn't believe how small and innocent Harry looked while asleep. And the boy had been robbed of his childhood. It was a stark contrast. His heart ached for Lily and what she would think and feel if she knew her son had been treated in such disregard.

Severus had no idea how to proceed with this situation. His logical side was telling him Harry had Sirius and did not need him. He should not get used to the idea of Harry depending on him, no matter how much he enjoyed the feeling of being needed by this boy. But everything else was screaming at Severus to take care of this child even if it was only temporary.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Enjoy :) -Mara


	22. Ch 22 Calm Before the Storm

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thank you so much, everyone, for all the wonderful reviews! I can't tell you how much they encourage me! And… Late, late, late, I know. Please forgive me. :( *Imagine sad puppy dog eyes*

**Thank you Jess and Stacy!**

_From Before…_

_Severus had no idea how to proceed with this situation. His logical side was telling him Harry had Sirius and did not need him. He should not get used to the idea of Harry depending on him, no matter how much he enjoyed the feeling of being needed by this boy. But everything else was screaming at Severus to take care of this child even if it was only temporary. _

**Ch. 22 – Calm Before the Storm**

Blinking his eyes a few times, Harry tried to figure out where he was, but the grayness of early dawn and lack of glasses made it difficult to decipher the room. He was warm and comfortable though and then the blanket curled in his fist brought everything back. Snape had put him to sleep here and the man said he wouldn't leave, but it was dark now and certainly Snape wasn't still working.

Harry quickly propped himself up on one elbow and craned his neck to the left to look off the end of the couch. Even in the dark, Harry could tell Snape was not there.

He felt a wave of panic almost as though his uncle's hands were slowly restricting his air flow. Certainly he didn't need Snape to sit with him while he slept and the man deserved his own rest, but even still, the betrayal that flooded through him refused to budge until he was startled by someone's soft exhale off to his right.

Whipping his head around, Harry saw the tall, lanky form of Snape, sound asleep in one of the high- backed chairs that flanked the sofa. His feet were propped up on an ottoman and a book lay open across his lap. His head was cocked to the side a little, resting against the back of the chair.

Harry squinted his eyes to get a better look at Snape's face. Even sleeping the man looked intimidating and definitely not relaxed. Of course, how could he be, having fallen asleep in that position?

But the feeling of betrayal was immediately pushed out of his system to be replaced by some other completely overwhelming emotion. He could feel that strange shiver spreading through his body again only this time a smile graced his face. Snape had kept his word. He didn't leave him.

Harry found himself grinning even more when a glowing green vial on the coffee table caught his attention. There was a small piece of paper propped up against it that, although blurry, looked like it might say his name.

Harry grabbed the paper and pulled it close to his face, seeing his name written in better detail and definitely Snape's handwriting. He couldn't help but grin even wider at the most important detail on the note. All it said was **'Harry'**.

He had noticed the professor using his first name more often lately, but was afraid to think too much on the subject in case it didn't last. Seeing it in writing, however, made everything seem more real. Maybe Snape honestly didn't see James Potter anymore when he looked at Harry.

Opening the folded piece of parchment, Harry read Snape's note.

_**I neglected to offer this to you last night. Please drink it now.**_

Gently picking up the vial, Harry discovered it was a simple headache potion. Having never received medicine for his ailments at the Dursley's, he had gotten used to just dealing with such a trivial thing as a headache. But now, staring at the green potion, Harry realized his head was still pounding and felt foggy from crying so much a few hours earlier.

Harry swallowed the potion quickly and put the empty vial back, but continued to hold onto the note. He wished he could save it in order to hold on to this moment forever. Of all the times he had been sick or in pain at the Dursley's, they never gave him any medicine and were most likely the cause of his pain in the first place. They definitely would not have stayed with him in the living room and would never have allowed him to sleep on the couch. Harry wasn't even sick now and had actually caused the headache himself, and yet Snape stayed with him and knew he needed that potion without Harry even asking.

These were the types of actions the Dursley's did for Dudley. Harry just couldn't believe Snape was the one doing them for him.

As his headache ebbed away, drowsiness washed over him. He wondered for a minute if Snape put something more in that potion but couldn't dwell on it as he fell back to sleep, a tiny bit more content than before.

-SS-

Severus slowly and painfully rolled his head up and to the sides while rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. He knew he was going to regret falling asleep like that, but seeing Harry resting peacefully on the couch made it all worthwhile. He gazed fondly at the unruly-haired teen for a moment just watching the blanket rise and fall with smooth, even breaths. As he was just about to tear his eyes away to look for the potion vial, he noticed something clenched in one of Harry's fists. Glancing at the coffee table confirmed his suspicions when he caught sight of the empty vial and the missing note. He specifically wrote the note as a demand rather than a request to avoid any childish arguments from Harry, but now seeing it clenched in Harry's fist brought a strange warmth to Severus' chest. It was like giving Harry his birthday present all over again even though Harry shouldn't consider something like this a present. But it was obvious Harry valued it as such.

He still had a hard time fathoming just how many previous misconceptions had been shattered so far this summer. Harry was certainly far from arrogant like Severus once thought. And even after everything the boy had been through, Harry still tried to put other's needs before his own, even risking his relationship with his godfather to stand up for Severus. The boy had unquestionably inherited more qualities from his mother than just her eyes.

Checking the time, Severus realized they had a half hour before breakfast. He was just contemplating whether to wake Harry or not when the boy let out a contented sigh while shifting in his sleep a bit.

"Harry," he called softly, approaching the couch. He knew it would be a bad habit to get used to referring to the child as such, but he just didn't have it in him to revert back to 'Potter' after the night they had. Touching Harry's shoulder, Severus shook it gently.

Harry blinked lazily up at Snape. "Hmm?" he questioned, still obviously half asleep.

If that gesture alone didn't say wonders for how much their relationship had changed, Severus didn't know what would. And for once, he wasn't too worried about his scary image being broken a little.

"It is almost time for breakfast. I assume you would like to get washed up before hand," Snape said, looking down at Harry with a slight hint of amusement in his eyes.

Hearing Snape talk more had awoken Harry a little further and he rubbed forcefully at his eyes with the heels of his hands. Peering back up at Snape again his eyes widened in alarm before he popped up to a sitting position.

"Right," Harry said awkwardly.

Severus noted the discomfort that had replaced Harry's initial ease and couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed himself. But obviously this would take some time. He picked up Harry's glasses and held them out to the boy.

"Thank you sir," Harry said, glancing up for only a second while accepting the offered item.

"Thirty minutes," Snape directed in which Harry only nodded his head before fleeing the room.

Severus stared after Harry's retreating form. He would push through this period of awkwardness because that's what Harry needed. He did not come this far only to fail the child now.

Just as he was about to follow Harry's path, he heard the floo flare up behind him. Whirling around, he was greeted with the sneering face of Sirius Black floating in the flames.

"Snape," Sirius said coldly.

"And to what do I owe this _displeasure,_ Black?" Snape hissed back while folding his arms across his chest.

"Can't I just call to say hi, Snivellus?" Sirius asked, his words dripping in sarcasm.

"As much as I'd _love_ to have you over for tea sometime, if I'm not mistaken, you are condemned to house arrest, aren't you? A pity you couldn't keep a better hold on Pettigrew," Snape sneered, knowing that would hit a sore spot.

Sirius glared daggers at Snape before quickly changing the subject. "I want Harry to come over today since his friends didn't get to see much of him on his birthday. AND before you say no because it interrupts your _spectacular_ training schedule, Albus needs to meet with you anyways," he said in his most matter of fact voice.

Eyeing Sirius with pure loathing, Severus was actually internally grateful for the excuse to get Harry to spend time with his friends. "I do apologize that my training might actually help the boy, although playing fetch with you would have been fun," Severus replied, smirking at the scowl that was growing on Sirius' face. "But if I must meet with the headmaster, a break can be arranged."

Sirius' face brightened upon hearing that he would not have to argue with Snape any further.

"I'll send him over this morning," Severus said while adding to himself, _after I make sure he eats a decent breakfast._ "Now get out of my floo," he said, terminating the floo connection with a flick of his wand without waiting for a reply from Sirius. _So much for resolving to be nicer to the mutt. Next time_, Severus mused to himself.

-SS-

Once safely behind his closed door, Harry wished he could let out a sigh of relief but couldn't stop chanting in his own head, _maybe he didn't notice, maybe he didn't notice.._. Uncurling his fist, there was the wrinkled note Snape had left for Harry with the potion. He must have fallen asleep while holding it where it eventually became crushed in his grip. Snape would think he was crazy if he saw Harry clutching the paper like a precious gift. Even with those worries, though, Harry couldn't help but smile a little, looking down at the note again. It brought such a good feeling to him, one that he hadn't experienced many times in his life. Someone actually cared.

He knew he should just throw the stupid piece of paper away but Harry couldn't do it. Instead he opened his trunk to grab his photo album and tucked it into one of the blank pages at the back before going to take a quick shower. He could get rid of it later.

-SS-

Harry hurriedly made his way down to breakfast after taking as long as possible to get cleaned up without being late. He wasn't quite sure how to act around his professor anymore and he was surprised that the man who greeted him this morning had not been the snarky git he had known for four years.

Slipping into his usual seat across from the man, he found a plate of eggs, toast, and a side of fruit already prepared for him. Snape was sipping a cup of coffee, but had an identical plate in front of him. Harry never complained about the professor's choices of breakfast for him. Never having the option of what he could eat, let alone if he could eat, had encouraged Harry to like almost everything, but he still felt more satisfied seeing Snape eating the same thing. Then it didn't appear as though the man was putting him on some warped diet.

The two wizards ate in silence until Snape finally spoke up. "Your godfather floo-called to-"

"When?" Harry interrupted frantically before immediately trying to apologize for his rudeness. "I mean – I'm sorry sir," he stuttered.

Snape eyed Harry sternly but understood his anxiety. They would both have a lot to explain if Black had decided to pop in and see them sleeping in the study. "Right before breakfast," he answered.

"Oh," Harry said in relief.

"Now, as I was saying, your godfather floo-called to request your presence at Number Twelve today," Snape explained.

"Why?" Harry asked worriedly even though Snape had assured him his godfather didn't know about the events of last night.

"The occupants of Number Twelve regret not spending enough time with you on your birthday or making it as enjoyable as it should have been," he elaborated further.

"Oh, it was fine," Harry replied unconvincingly before adding, "but what about training?"

"You deserve a day off and the headmaster would like to meet with me. We will pick up everything tomorrow," Snape replied.

Harry nodded his head before spearing some more scrambled egg with his fork, but it never made it to his mouth. He opted instead to just toy with it above his plate.

"You may head over whenever you are finished," Snape added while watching Harry twirl his fork. It was obvious the boy wanted to say something but was having a hard time spitting it out. Severus just hoped that Harry didn't think he was being sent away again.

"Sir?" Harry finally questioned.

"Yes?" Snape replied casually.

Harry took a deep breath trying to come up with the best way to word things. "About last night," he said looking up at Snape. "I – um – just wanted to-"

"It's not necessary to speak about it now. We will discuss it more at a later time," Snape said.

Harry wanted to pretend like everything last night didn't happen but he also wanted to thank the professor. Snape had been there for him like no one else ever was. Something in the professor's eyes made Harry think the man already understood, so Harry finally just nodded his head and dropped his gaze back down to his breakfast. He took one last bite of the forgotten egg on his fork before pushing his plate away.

"I guess I'll get going then," Harry said as he finished off the milk in his glass and stood from the table. "Is there a specific time you want me back?"

"You may return at your leisure as I have no idea when the headmaster will be able to fit me into his schedule. The day is yours to do what you please," Snape answered sincerely.

"Alright," Harry said, nodding his head again before making his way to the door.

"Oh, and Potter," Snape called without turning around to face Harry.

Harry's hand froze in the air halfway to the doorknob and he turned painstakingly slowly to face Snape only to see the professor's back. Snape's tone sounded light and casual, but a last minute comment like this couldn't be good and Harry mentally prepared himself for some type of lecture.

"Yes?" he finally asked staring at Snape's back wishing he could see the man's facial expressions but also grateful he didn't have to.

"Do try to enjoy yourself. You deserve it," Snape said smoothly.

For a moment Harry was speechless, but then his lips curved into a slight smile and he found the courage to say what he wished he could have told Snape earlier. "Thanks."

Harry never saw the smile that adorned his professor's face as he left the room, but he could tell by Snape's tone that the man was sincere and that made all the difference.

Even after running up to his room to grab a sweatshirt, when Harry finally stumbled into the kitchen of Number Twelve, a goofy grin still lingered on his face.

"Harry," Sirius called out warmly as he rushed over and helped Harry to his feet. He briefly caught a glimpse of a few red heads around the room before being engulfed in a hug by his godfather.

"Hey Sirius," Harry answered when Sirius finally let him go only to be immediately ushered into a nearby chair by Mrs. Weasley.

"Harry dear," she said. "How about some breakfast?"

"No, I just ate actually, but thanks Mrs. Weasley," Harry said, giving the motherly woman a sincere smile before turning to face Mr. Weasley and Bill.

"So good to see you Harry, but I must be off to work," Mr. Weasley said, reaching across the table to shake Harry's hand before giving Molly a quick kiss and leaving the kitchen.

Harry finally gave Bill an awkward smile, unsure of how he was doing since getting out of St. Mungos. From what Harry could see, he looked fine but his clothing could be covering some injuries.

"I'm glad I get the chance to thank you in person, Harry," Bill said, extending his own hand to shake Harry's. "You really saved our skin the other day. And as you can see, I'm as good as new," he added laughing lightly.

"Good as new?" Mrs. Weasley clucked back at him. "You should still rest another day before working on the house," she said while squeezing her son's shoulder for a second.

Bill rolled his eyes eliciting a laugh from both Sirius and Harry.

Her words tried to sound reprimanding, but Harry could see the pride shining in Mrs. Weasley's eyes and he couldn't help but remember the way Snape had looked at him when they were brewing the other day.

"So Snape didn't give you a hard time this morning, did he?" Sirius asked, sitting down next to Harry.

"No," Harry said. "Why?"

Sirius shrugged his shoulders. "No reason."

"We really have been getting along better. He's doing a good job teaching me," Harry said, starting to get annoyed that he couldn't fully explain how his relationship with the professor had changed. It didn't help that he was sure Snape and Sirius had probably been total prats to each other that morning.

Sirius nodded his head. "Good," he said in a tone that implied he wasn't entirely convinced, but before Harry could retort two pops resounded in the room.

"Would you two stop that!" Mrs. Weasley shouted in a squeaky whisper while swatting Fred and George with the dish towel she was holding.

The twins just laughed until they spotted Harry and bid him hello.

"Well, make yourselves useful and go get everyone else," Mrs. Weasley said to them while she finished setting the table and got Harry a cup of tea even though he never asked for one.

The twins disappeared in another series of pops, but returned in the same manner within a few minutes and took up residence at the table next to Bill. They were followed shortly by Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, who entered through the door.

"Harry!" they all called out happily at once. Ron took the seat to Harry's immediate right followed by Hermione and then Ginny, each clapping him on the back as they passed.

While Ron was busy loading his plate with food, Hermione leaned forward to look around him and speak to Harry. "So Professor Snape gave you the day off?" she asked.

"Yup," Harry said.

"That's great mate," Ron mumbled around a mouthful of egg while Hermione gave him a disgusted look. "We didn't get to see you enough the other day," he said, after swallowing.

Harry ended up having a great time at breakfast talking and laughing with everyone. The air in the room was completely different from the day of his birthday when everyone was still somber from the attack at the Burrow. Even though he tried to insist he wasn't hungry, Mrs. Weasley ended up forcing him to have a scone with his tea while everyone else was eating. The twins along with Bill and Sirius kept everyone entertained with jokes that Mrs. Weasley tried to reprimand them for, even though she seemed to be enjoying herself as well.

The only thing that felt off to Harry was the strange looks he sensed coming from Hermione and Ginny. He was pretty sure Ginny didn't still have a crush on him anymore and Hermione was definitely in on the glancing, so Harry couldn't figure out what it was they were looking for. But he was enjoying himself too much to let it bother him and pushed it out of his head.

-SS-

After breakfast, Mrs. Weasley, Bill and the twins left for the Burrow to make some repairs before lunch and Sirius went upstairs to feed Buckbeak, leaving Harry to have some privacy with his friends.

Once everyone was gone, Ginny spoke up. "Harry, is that a new sweatshirt from Gladrags?" she asked

Hermione had been wondering the exact same thing as she eyed the dark green running sweatshirt with silver threading that he was wearing over an equally new looking black t-shirt and a nice pair of blue-jeans.

At Ginny's question, Ron glanced over at Harry but then went back to his second scone, completely uninterested in Harry's choice of outfits.

Harry blushed at the question, instantly realizing why the two girls had been staring at him throughout breakfast. He had completely forgotten that they might notice his entirely too nice wardrobe. "Umm, yeah. Why?" he asked trying to hide behind his teacup.

"How come you never wore these clothes before? When did you get to go to Gladrags?" Hermione asked.

"I didn't. I – umm," Harry mumbled unsure of how to explain it all. Well, there was no time like the present to start explaining Snape's strange new behavior towards him. "Snape bought them for me," he said in his most confident voice.

Ron sprayed his tea across the table and would have definitely covered the twins had they still been there. "WHAT?" he choked out, turning to face Harry and see his outfit better.

Hermione and Ginny were still staring at Harry with wide eyes waiting for his elaboration as well. Obviously, they thought they had heard him wrong too.

Harry darted his eyes around the room trying not to make eye contact with any of his friends but it was impossible. "I needed a few new things so… Snape had a tailor come," he finally said.

"Oh," Ron said, a look of relief flashing across his face. "Still weird, but he didn't actually buy them for you, he just had the tailor come and you bought them, right?" he asked, but turned back to his scone as if he already knew the answer.

"Umm, no. He bought them," Harry answered, grabbing his tea cup again to take a sip.

Ron's eyebrows had shot up to his hairline as he turned slowly towards Harry again, half a bite of scone hanging out of his mouth. Hermione placed her hand on his forearm as if to try and restrain him from doing something stupid.

"Well that would explain the green," Ron said in disbelief.

"No, I have a red one too…" Harry retorted before immediately regretting that decision. If Ron had looked shocked before, he looked like he might pass out now. "I told you he has been nicer. I needed a couple things and he bought them for me. It's not that big of a deal," he said, trying to explain the situation better even though he thought it was very much a 'big deal'.

"Well I think that's wonderful," Hermione chimed in.

"Yeah, really, Harry. That was very nice of the professor," Ginny added.

Ron twisted his head back and forth between Harry and the two girls. "Have you all lost your minds? This is not right. Snape is not nice. Maybe someone with Polyjuice Potion is disguised as him like Professor Moody last year," he said in a serious tone.

"Ronald, don't even joke about something like that," Hermione scolded.

"But I'm not joking," Ron said emphatically.

"Oh shut up Ron!" Ginny retorted.

"Look, it took me a little while to believe it too. And I'm not saying I really trust the guy, but he has been different, so give him a break okay?" Harry asked.

Ron gave Harry a long look before conceding. "I'll believe it when I see it," he answered.

Harry nodded his head thinking that was completely fair as he'd been thinking the same thing when Snape kept asking him to trust him. Last night he had finally felt like he had seen some proof although he was still leery of the new relationship.

The Gryffindors spent the rest of the morning playing chess, exploding snaps and chatting about anything new that they might have overheard about the Order. Harry was surprised about how fast the time flew and soon the rest of the Weasleys had returned and they were all called down for lunch.

Remus was there this time and Harry enjoyed talking to both him and Sirius. It looked as though his arm was completely healed.

Mrs. Weasley made another birthday cake for Harry, saying they didn't get to enjoy it enough last time. Harry felt bad she went to so much trouble, but Ron assured him that his mom enjoyed any excuse to cook.

After lunch, Sirius and Remus stole Harry and the kids away to one of the sitting rooms.

"While Remus was here we did a little cleaning and although I don't have much left here, between the two of us we came up with this," Sirius said, handing Harry a pretty thick envelope.

Harry accepted the envelope with a quizzical look. Opening it slowly he pulled out a stack of old photographs.

"I know Hagrid gave you that photo album and it had some extra pages. I figured you could add these in there," Remus said.

Harry looked down at the top photo. It was a picture of a young Lily and James holding a tiny child. Harry swallowed thickly trying to force away the urge to cry. It was a picture of him being held and it was obvious how much his parents loved the little child in that picture. He quickly shuffled that picture to the back to look at the next.

He smiled down at the photo. It was a picture of Sirius and his dad. They were in the middle of a snowball fight that had turned into a wrestling match, but it was obvious they were having a blast.

Sirius came over and put his arm around Harry's shoulders. "That was during seventh year. Remus took the picture," he said smiling down at the photo. "I'll have you know, I won," he added with a chuckle.

Harry looked up at the two men and gave them an extremely grateful smile. "This is wonderful. Thank you," he said.

Shuffling to the next one, Harry found a very pregnant Lily smiling down at her swollen stomach with James' hands resting atop it.

"Your mum loved being pregnant," Sirius said. "She was absolutely glowing all the time and so excited."

"I don't know. I might say James was even more excited," Remus chimed in. "He couldn't keep his hands off your mom's stomach, rubbing it and talking to you."

The two men laughed as Harry smiled down at the picture trying to imagine what his dad might have been saying to the unborn version of him.

"Well come on," Sirius said, ushering Harry towards one of the couches. "I'm sure Remus and I have a great story to tell about every one of those pictures."

"Wow, she's huge!" Ron said, taking the last picture from Harry only to be elbowed hard in the ribs by Hermione. "Er – I mean in a good way," he amended.

Harry just laughed and turned his attention to the next picture he was holding.

James Potter looked like he was almost dancing around what must have been Harry's nursery with Harry cradled to his chest.

"It looks like you just woke up from a nightmare or something," Hermione said leaning over the back of the couch and smiling at the comforting gesture in the photo.

At her words, Harry's stomach clenched into a knot. He wanted to ask her why she assumed that, but thought better of it. The picture did look like it was taken at night with only a few soft night lights glowing around the room and his father looked like he was tiptoeing around the room trying to get his son to fall back to sleep while whispering into the top of his hair.

Finally Remus spoke up.

"Yeah, I remember your mum telling me about how cute that was, watching James dancing around to get you to fall back to sleep when he thought she wasn't looking. We didn't believe her so she finally snapped a picture of it as proof," he said with a chuckle.

Harry smiled down at the picture but couldn't stop his mind from wandering. It was oddly coincidental that Hermione would say nightmare when he was just a baby. The obvious choice would be that he was hungry or something but Harry couldn't help but agree with her. The baby version of himself looked like he had just been crying and now all he needed was the comfort and security of being held. Maybe that innocent child somehow knew what was in store for him.

With Harry, Sirius, and Remus on the couch and Ron, Hermione, and Ginny crowded around to listen as well, the exciting and heartfelt tales of the Mauraders and Harry's family filled the afternoon for hours. At points, Remus and Sirius were laughing so hard they were crying. Mrs. Weasley even brought in a snack but Harry refused to be distracted. Receiving the photo album from Hagrid had been an amazing gift but hearing the story behind all these new photos was even better. It made his parents seem more real since he had no memories of his own.

Harry kept flipping through all the photos while Sirius and Remus went off on more tangents but eventually the room grew quiet. Harry was so lost in thought he didn't even notice at first but once he realized everyone was staring at him he quickly shuffled the photographs back together and put them back in the envelope.

"Thank you both so much," Harry said, looking between Remus and his godfather. "This really means a lot to me."

"Well, I think we enjoyed it just as much as you did," Remus responded while Sirius pulled Harry to his feet and gave him a one armed hug.

It was almost time for dinner and everyone else had also risen to their feet when Harry suddenly clutched at his forehead and fell back to the couch, letting out an agonizing scream.

"Harry!" Sirius yelled frantically, grabbing at his arms to pull Harry's hands away from his face.

Harry clamped down on his bottom lip to stop from screaming, but couldn't hold back completely. He shook his head vigorously, trying to rid it of the waves of stabbing pain radiating from behind his scar, before throwing his head backwards against the couch. The pain was so overwhelming this time it was making his head spin and Harry felt the urge to vomit but tried to force it back down. He could tell everyone was around him but he couldn't focus on their voices. Others were filling his head that certainly didn't belong to any of the occupants of the room.

Remus had taken up residence at Harry's other side while Sirius still frantically called out to him. Hermione, Ron, and Ginny looked on helplessly, unsure of what to do but not wanting to crowd them.

"Snape," Harry gasped out finally, unable to explain anything more. If no one got the potion, he wished someone would have the decency to put him out of his misery.

"Professor Snape!" Hermione called out while latching onto Ron's arm. "He makes Harry a potion, remember?" she asked dragging him from the room towards the kitchen floo with Remus on their heels.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Thanks to all who are faithful readers! Hope you all enjoy! -Mara


	23. Ch 23 Counting on You

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thank you, thank you, thank you! My readers are by far the greatest. I loved all the reviews, please keep it up.

**Thank you Jess and Stacy!**

_From Before…_

"_Professor Snape!" Hermione called out while latching onto Ron's arm. "He makes Harry a potion, remember?" she asked dragging him from the room towards the kitchen floo with Remus on their heels. _

**Ch 23 – Counting on You**

When the wards alerted Severus to Harry's departure, he couldn't help but hope for one fleeting moment that Harry would truly listen to his advice and that the occupants of Number Twelve wouldn't muck it up.

It was odd to think that he had the majority of the day to do as he pleased after spending so much time in a strict training schedule with Harry. He was looking forward to all the things he would accomplish, starting with some necessary brewing for Poppy's potion stores. Although he used Harry's brewing sessions to get through some of them, he still had a long ways to go.

The solitude he had been craving eventually made the morning drag on endlessly. Severus was grateful for the reprieve lunch would offer only to find the kitchen seemed oddly uninviting as well.

Loath as Severus was to admit it, apparently he had grown quite accustomed to having Harry around and even more than that, he couldn't stop himself from worrying about what kind of day the boy was having. If Harry came back as miserable as he had on his birthday, Severus would need to have a word with that mangy mutt.

He pushed his half eaten plate of food away and stalked off to the lab again. He figured he could finish at least one more batch of potions before the headmaster arrived and after being notified that Albus would be delayed, another three batches of potions.

The afternoon crawled by in a similar fashion to the morning except that Severus had now taken to reformulating exactly what he might inform the headmaster of.

Severus had just sat down for dinner when Albus finally arrived.

"Severus, I apologize for my delay. Things are a bit off kilter at the Ministry and I'm afraid I have some disturbing news," Dumbledore said, taking residence in Harry's usual seat.

Severus smirked at his own thoughts. It wasn't enough that there was _"Harry's room"_, now there was _"Harry's chair"_ as well. He was definitely digging himself into an awful hole and setting himself up for a lot of disappointment, but at the moment Severus couldn't seem to help it.

"I did assume this wasn't an ordinary progress meeting," Severus replied while he conjured up a plate for the headmaster and gestured for him to help himself.

"Thank you, Severus," Dumbledore said, taking a small portion of mashed potatoes and gravy. "Last night, a Ministry employee by the name of Broderick Bode was taken to St. Mungo's. He believes himself to be a teapot and has no other recollection of events. Although the Ministry isn't talking much, my sources tell me he may have been Imperiused into trying to steal the prophecy," he said in a grave tone.

"I thought the prophecy was secure there?" Snape questioned.

"For now, I believe so. But eventually Voldemort will discover that any ordinary wizard cannot walk in and steal it for him," he answered. "I assume you have received no new information from him?"

"I have not been summoned since my last report and it seems as though the Dark Lord is keeping these attempts very much to himself and the few he chooses to take with him," Snape replied.

Dumbledore nodded his head. "Well, enough of that then. How are things with Harry?" he asked with that amazing twinkle back in his eye.

"There is a question I need an answer to," Severus said as he put his fork down and brought his elbows up to rest on the table while linking his hands together.

"Of course, what is it?" Albus answered compliantly.

Severus paused for a moment before continuing. "I must admit I am a bit embarrassed for not knowing this answer myself but never the less, how is it that Hogwart's letters are addressed?"

Dumbledore gave Snape a quizzical look but answered the question without asking any of his own. "A list of eligible children is compiled by the Ministry and given to the residing headmaster, who places the names in the admission's book. From there, letters are sent out automatically to wherever the children may be at that point in time."

Snape brought one finger up to his lips and tapped it methodically. He knew it had to be some type of magically automated system but he still needed the reassurance of hearing it from Albus. The headmaster continued to gaze at him silently while Severus tried to determine how much information he could disclose without completely breaking the boy's trust.

"Is there something I should know about this matter in reference to Harry?" Dumbledore finally asked. "I know there was difficulty delivering his letters and after numerous attempts the book finally notified me that an admissions letter would need to be taken in person."

Snape nodded his head in recollection of hearing that situation before explaining why he brought up the issue. "His Hogwart's letter was addressed to _The Cupboard Under the Stairs_. And this _cupboard_ served as his room for ten years," Severus said solemnly, watching as the elder wizard across from him seemed to age those same ten years right before his eyes.

Dumbledore let out a long breath as the twinkle in his eyes dwindled. "Did Harry volunteer this information to you?" he asked.

"I discovered the cupboard during an Occlumency lesson after which I pressed him for more information. The letter came up last night. Naturally, he believes we all knew," Snape said evenly.

"No Severus, you need not spare my feelings. He believes _**I**_ knew and I cannot blame him for that," Dumbledore said sternly.

Severus could see the pain and guilt in the headmaster's eyes and felt compelled to demand some of the blame. "I of all people should have seen the warning signs had I not been so blind."

Dumbledore raised a hand to cut Snape off. "There is no need to dwell on the past we cannot change, only the present and future may we do something about," he said as he leaned across the table to pat Severus' hand. "I trust you, Severus, as the best person for this job. I won't interfere nor demand information as I'm sure you will volunteer anything you deem necessary for me to know. However, I must know if he is making progress," the Headmaster almost pleaded for a reassurance.

Severus knew his mentor was not enquiring about academic progress. "Yes, I believe so," he said quietly.

"Do you foresee Harry being favorable to bringing them to justice?" Dumbledore asked.

The conversation was simultaneously interrupted by Snape's detection of the wards going off and frantic yells of "SEVERUS" coming from the study.

Snape was out of his seat in an instant and entered the foyer with Dumbledore right behind him when they met a disheveled Remus.

"Severus! Please, you have to help Harry," Remus panted, completely out of breath. "There's something wrong with his scar-"

Remus looked absolutely terrified and Snape pushed past the werewolf without letting him finish. Both were completely oblivious to the knowing look Dumbledore was giving them. The sheer panic that had flashed across Snape's face had not gone unnoticed by the ever observant headmaster.

Racing into the study, Severus grabbed a vial of the special potion before stepping into the floo. With his mind focused solely on Harry, he didn't bother paying attention to what the other two wizards were saying or whether they followed him.

Stepping into the kitchen with graceful speed, Severus was greeted by the frantic faces of two thirds of the golden trio and could hear the other third screaming from somewhere off in the house. He made his way purposefully to the door, but gave them a pointed glare, hoping one would give him some direction. Miss Granger was smart enough to oblige him.

"He's in the sitting room on the second floor sir," she said in a shaky voice.

Severus took the stairs two at a time with his usual grace always intact. His heart was pounding much faster than he would like to admit, but the painful screams were something he decided he shouldn't have to hear coming from Harry's mouth. He passed too many redheads along the way to count and finally came to the room where Black was hovering over Harry in a futile effort to help, as Molly Weasley stood fretting off to the side.

-SS-

The pain was blinding and the room felt like it was dissolving out from under him. Harry could faintly hear Sirius calling his name, but there was another voice filling his head. It was an evil, awful laughter he had heard before and it almost seemed like it was coming out of his own mouth. With every laugh, the pain doubled and Harry was certain someone was driving knives into his head.

He knew he should fight the vision in front of him, but that was only intensifying the pain.

Harry made a feeble attempt to block out the voice and focus on Sirius but he still found himself traveling up the steps of a small home before he blasted open the front door, leaving splinters of the heavy wood lying across the entryway of the house. As he stepped over some of the larger pieces, Harry caught a glimpse of the letters _DMD_ in metallic gold, but then his attention was immediately redirected as he instructed two black-hooded figures to precede him into the house.

Harry tried to shut the image off, just like in Occlumency, but there was no use. The pain was stabbing through his head the more he fought it and every laugh or curse that shot out from the wand in his hand caused a new wave of pain to surge throughout his body.

Harry tried desperately to call out to anyone in the room. He screamed at the way his arm moved of its own accord, shattering vases and picture frames, but Harry had no idea if Sirius or anyone else could even hear him. He tried calling out for Snape again, knowing he would somehow be able to help if only the professor was there, but it all seemed to be of no use. He was locked inside this twisted scene.

Showers of red and green illuminated the dark room as Harry meticulously destroyed this stranger's belongings for endless minutes until a framed photo caught his attention. Long, bony fingers reached out to snatch up the picture and instantly everything came together for Harry. He felt his heart plummet even as his face twisted into some sort of smile. Hermione and her parents were smiling from the motionless Muggle portrait and the idea that he might be smiling as well made him want to vomit.

Suddenly there were screams and Harry hurried into the next room just in time to see a figure drop to the floor as a curse struck her with a burst of color. Another figure was screaming in pain to Harry's left and he spun around to try and get a good look at him.

-SS-

"Get out of the way, Black," Severus commanded as he dropped down to the floor in front of Harry.

Although untrusting of Snape, Sirius obliged in hopes that something would help Harry.

"Potter!" Snape called out sharply as he grasped Harry's chin and quickly took in his appearance. The boy had his eyes clenched shut and there were streaks down the side of his face where a few tears had leaked out. He was deathly pale aside from a small drop of blood on his bottom lip that he had probably caused with his own teeth.

"Potter, you have to drink the potion," he demanded in a slightly softer tone.

Harry shook his head frantically. "No. Voldemort, he's attacking Hermione's house. I have to – I have to see what happens. I have to know if they're okay," he gasped out.

Severus was faintly aware of another gasp from behind him signifying that Harry's friends had followed him into the room along with Dumbledore and Lupin, but thankfully Dumbledore was clever enough to request that everyone give Snape and Harry a little more space.

"Harry," he hissed quietly while gripping the boy's chin more firmly. "Watching will help no one's cause. Drink the potion and then I will listen to everything you have to say."

After receiving no objections or resistance, Severus uncorked the vial while pulling Harry's jaw down and emptied the potion into the boy's mouth. In a matter of seconds Severus could see the potion beginning to work. Harry's breathing noticeably slowed even though it was still racing and the creases around his eyes seemed to unclench ever so slightly. He was still as white as a sheet however and the lightning shaped scar on his forehead was a fiery red.

Without removing his hand from Harry's chin, Severus turned to the headmaster, purposefully ignoring the looks he was receiving from the rest of the occupants of the room. He did notice however that Lupin had a strategically placed hand on Black's forearm to prevent him from getting any closer to Harry. Severus' chest warmed at the thought that he was the one easing Harry's pain and quelling the boy's fears. "The Grangers?" he asked.

"They have already been moved," Albus answered seriously.

"But I saw them hexing people," Harry objected frantically while latching onto Snape's wrist, demanding the man's attention once again.

Severus was certain the boy must have been unaware of the presence of his friends and wondered if he would have chosen his words and actions a little more carefully had he realized. "The headmaster will dispense Order members to check the area," Snape said looking directly back at Harry's worried eyes.

"That I will," Dumbledore called from across the room before disappearing out the door, but Snape never took his eyes off Harry's.

"The potion helped some, yes?" Snape asked. He could feel Harry trembling and worried for a moment of the potions effectiveness after the amount of time the boy must have been held by the connection before receiving it. Occlumency itself could be brutal if performed with malicious intent but this connection between the Dark Lord and Harry went far beyond anything Severus could fathom.

"Yes," Harry whispered while closing his eyes. "But I think I'm going to be sick," he added while quickly trying to lean away from Snape off the couch.

Before Harry could make it around him, Severus had conjured a bucket at his side and removed his hand from Harry's chin but held it firmly in place in front of him for Harry to lean over as he threw up into the pail. Severus sat patiently, only moving his wand hand a fraction to vanish the contents of the pail when Harry paused for a second. He was aware that the two Marauders had jumped closer but seemed to realize Harry might need a little air. Mrs. Weasley, on the other hand, quickly shuffled the remaining children out of the room.

"Perhaps a glass of water would be helpful," Snape said loudly without turning to face Black or Lupin.

"Of course," Sirius and Remus spoke up together and jumped into action, giving Severus and Harry a brief moment alone.

As soon as they had disappeared, Severus placed his other palm to Harry's clammy forehead for a minute and could feel the child lean even further into the touch before Harry brought his own free hand up to cover Severus'. Harry looked awful and Severus didn't have it in his heart to pull his hand away even if the two Marauders might come bursting back into the room at any second. Instead he sat patiently while Harry tried to get his breathing under control.

The cool palm against his forehead felt like the most soothing thing Harry had ever experienced. He knew he had been leaning against it for far too long after Snape had vanished the contents of the bucket for a third time, but he closed his eyes, letting the coolness seep through his skin and ebb some of the pain away.

Finally deciding his stomach had quelled enough to sit back up a little, he pulled away to look into Snape's dark orbs and was surprised to feel a sense of comfort, like he could count on the professor to take care of everything. It obviously didn't lessen his worrying at all, but it was interesting that he used to be petrified of that gaze. He wondered for a minute if it was Snape's gaze that had changed or just his own interpretation of it.

"Sir, are you sure they were moved?" Harry asked in an anxious whisper. "I saw-"

"If the headmaster says they were moved, then they were moved. I do not doubt you saw some people injured, but I assure you, the Grangers were not there. He's trying to get to you Harry. Don't let him," Snape said firmly.

Harry seemed unaware that he was still holding Snape's wrist in a firm grip but Severus definitely noticed the gesture. No matter how much trust he had assumed he might have gained from Harry, the boy's actions still seemed to amaze him. A part of him figured Harry would be running to Black for reassurances but he wasn't.

"So what am I supposed to do now, just sit around and wait?" Harry asked bitterly.

"Yes, but I'm quite certain there is a whole slew of worried Weasley's along with one young Miss Granger waiting on the other side of that door, who can keep you company while I speak with the headmaster. But first, would you like to explain exactly what you saw or wait till later?" Snape asked.

Just as Harry was going to begin the door opened to admit Sirius and Remus again and Sirius rushed over with a glass of water.

Looking anxiously between them and Snape, Harry grabbed the glass with his free hand and took a small sip. He was unsure of whether to continue until he realized that Snape never took his eyes off Harry's. If his professor wasn't deterred by their presence, neither should he.

"Um, it all happened really fast but I was… _him_ again," he said, whispering the last two words and looking to Snape for some type of confirmation that it wasn't true.

"You were viewing things from his point of view, but you were not him. They are two very different things," Severus obliged immediately.

Harry nodded his head before continuing. "There were Death Eaters breaking into Hermione's house and then some people showed up, but they were hit with curses, I don't know what kind. And it just all happened really fast and I couldn't keep up with who was who or what was really happening," he said quickly.

"Harry, Dumbledore has already sent some Order members. They'll take care of any Death Eaters and help anyone who was injured," Sirius finally spoke up.

Harry glanced up at his godfather, but didn't respond. _How was he supposed to feel reassured when Sirius looked worried? _

"I need to speak with the headmaster. Finish that glass of water while you talk to your friends," Snape said, giving Harry a pointed yet reassuring look before striding out of the room without another word.

Harry clutched the glass of water with both hands as Snape disappeared out of the room and his friends slipped inside. He could hear Snape's words repeating in his head, but he still felt awful that someone might be hurt.

Sirius sat down on the edge of the couch next to Harry and pulled him into a one-armed hug. "Feeling any better?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine," Harry answered, looking up to see all the Weasley children, including Ron, who had one armed wrapped around Hermione's shoulders. Seeing her worried face made his hands start to tremble. "Hermione, I'm so sorry," he started to explain.

"Harry, it's okay. My parents were moved at the beginning of the summer. With everything else going on I forgot we didn't tell you," Hermione answered stepping closer to the couch but still maintaining some distance as though she were afraid of crowding Harry.

"But I saw people at your house. Someone was there," Harry said in a shaky voice.

"It might have been a neighbor, Harry," Remus spoke up.

"Does that make it any better?" Harry shouted, spilling some of the water from his glass. He didn't mean to yell at Remus but at seeing Hermione's face, he knew he was right. Of course she would be devastated if something happened to her parents, but she obviously knew the neighbors too. It didn't make the situation any better to think one of them was injured.

"But it's not like it's your fault, Harry," Ron jumped in.

"Really?" Harry questioned, leaping up from the couch away from Sirius. "First your family and now Hermione's. Obviously it's my fault! If you weren't friends with me, Voldemort wouldn't be attacking you now!"

"Harry, we know the risks and they aren't going to stop us from being your friend," Hermione spoke up.

"But there shouldn't be any risks! Your friends shouldn't put you at risk!" Harry shouted back, trying to make them understand.

"Look, Harry, just calm down," Sirius tried to cut in to no avail now that all the Weasley children had joined in to protest Harry.

"Mate, if you think we're going to want to stop being your friend just because You-Know-Who is threatening us, you're wrong," Ron broke in.

"Well maybe I don't want to be friends with you anymore!" Harry said firmly, in reference to the entire room.

His statement effectively silenced the protests for a second and Remus used it to voice his own opinion. "Harry, you're just upset and don't know what you're saying."

"No! I know exactly what I'm saying! And if you won't stay away from me then I'll stay away from all of you!" he shouted mostly to Ron and Hermione before storming out of the room and away from the attempts to stop him.

-SS-

Severus had been discussing the night's developments with Dumbledore and Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen when Harry stormed through, slammed the glass of water down on the table, and disappeared into the floo without even a glance at any of them. He was followed by Miss Granger and the entire pack of Weasley children with Lupin and Black bringing up the rear and for a few utterly horrifying moments, Severus thought they were all going to go traipsing into his study after the boy. But thank Merlin for the headmaster and his authority.

Dumbledore stepped in front of the floo while raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I'm intrigued to know what has gotten Harry even more upset," he started to say while Severus folded his arms across his chest and gave everyone a pointed glare. _Yes, he would like to know the exact same thing_. "But for now, I do believe Harry has had a very trying evening, and perhaps some peace and time alone would be best for him until he calms down," Dumbledore finished.

Everyone jumped in to protest at once.

"We have to talk to him, sir," Hermione said worriedly.

"He's being a total prat and thinks we shouldn't be friends anymore," Ron tried to argue.

"Someone needs to talk to him," Sirius said loudly, stepping up to Dumbledore. "He's looking at this situation in the entirely wrong way and he needs to be reassured that he's wrong."

Snape used this convenient point to interject. "If you will all excuse me," he said, sweeping behind Dumbledore and disappearing into the floo, but not before hearing a distinct 'hmpf' from Sirius. He couldn't stop himself from smirking, knowing that when Black said _someone_ needed to talk to Harry, there was no way he had intended that someone to be Severus, but Snape knew Dumbledore would secure the floo and provide him and Harry with the privacy they would need.

-SS-

When Severus stepped out of the floo, he was surprised to find Harry pacing in the study. The teenager's head shot up instantly and Severus suppressed a smirk at how much Harry looked like a young child prepared to be scolded. Instead, he folded his arms across his chest and stared pointedly at Harry, waiting for some type of explanation. Based on the comments back in the kitchen at Number Twelve, Severus had a pretty good idea of what Harry had done and he would waste no time in correcting the child of his ridiculous logic.

Harry continued to stare at Severus from across the room and the longer he remained silent, the longer Severus got the chance to take in his awful appearance. Harry's jet black hair looked like it was sitting atop a ghost and even though the teen was fidgeting from foot to foot Severus could see how much he was still shaking.

"I'm still waiting for an explanation Mr. Potter," Snape finally broke the stalemate while striding over to his potion's cabinet.

"I'm sick of people getting hurt because of me," Harry said angrily.

"What did I tell you tonight, Harry?" Snape ground out as he made his way across the room with a jar of numbing balm and stopped just as he was looming over the boy. At Harry's silence he raised an eyebrow. "Was there something about my words that were unclear? Perhaps I need to define each word individually," he added sarcastically.

"No. I understood, sir," Harry seethed back as he defiantly crossed his arms in front of him much like Snape's stance.

"Then by all means, repeat what I said," Snape ordered.

Harry glared at Snape before speaking. "You said he was trying to get to me."

"And?" Snape pushed.

"Not to let him," Harry said as his chest heaved up and down with heavy breaths.

"And what do you think I meant by that?" Snape continued in his clipped tone.

Harry was fuming. Now of all times, Snape had to go into teacher mode and give him a lecture. He knew what the professor was getting at, but Harry didn't care. "That he's trying to upset me and I shouldn't let him," Harry finally answered.

"Exactly!" Snape ground out.

"Well I can't help it if it's working!" Harry shouted. "I'm not going to let people get hurt because of me!"

"Oh I see," Snape said slowly. "So you're going to cut off your friends as some righteous sacrifice?"

"How can you lecture me about _righteous sacrifices_?" Harry yelled back, completely losing his temper. "When you let that bastard torture you for nothing?"

"Ah, so you think I spend my days doing nothing?" Snape retorted mockingly.

"No, that's not what I mean. But what's the point of being a spy if you didn't even know about these attacks ahead of time?" Harry snapped back.

Snape's eyebrows rose in shock. It sounded almost as though Harry was angry on his behalf, but it infuriated him more that Harry didn't recognize how important his work was.

"That came out wrong," Harry instantly tried to backpedal.

"Did it?" Snape questioned with a sneer.

"You twist my words all around and never let me explain!" Harry shouted. He hated the fact that now Snape thought he didn't appreciate everything the man had done, but Harry didn't know how to articulate that. After everything that had happened so far this summer, didn't he realize Harry wanted him to stop spying because he didn't want him to get hurt?

"Put this on your scar," Snape said, thrusting the jar of balm towards Harry without any other explanation.

"NO! I don't want the stupid salve! I want to know what's going on and I want you to understand what I'm saying!" Harry yelled, stepping away from Snape's hand.

Severus' blood was boiling at Harry's complete disregard for his authority. "Whether you like it or not, Potter, your body needs a chance to recover and I am not handing out pointless skin creams. At the very least, you need to lie down," he said. "I will let you know if I hear anything."

"Oh yeah?" Harry questioned sarcastically. "How can I count on that? You want me to just relax when Hermione's parents might be dead or you could be summoned and tortured to death by Voldemort!" Harry shook his head and quickly left the room, afraid he would lose control of his emotions in front of Snape again.

Severus stared after Harry without being able to say anything. He heard exactly what Harry finally meant. Harry had said _"How can I count on that?"_ but what he really meant was _How can I count on you?_ Harry cared whether Severus made it back alive and it left the potion's master speechless.

"That insolent brat is going to be the death of me," he said aloud as he stared at the jar of numbing balm in his hand.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Hope it makes up for the cliffhanger! Leave me some luv :) - Mara


	24. Ch 24 I Don't Want You To Die

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Again, thanks for all the awesome reviews! They are so supportive. I apologize for the delays in chapters lately and so I should probably change my update schedule. It's beginning to get a little harder to update once a week so it may be more like a week and half from now on. The chapter have been longer though, if that's any consolation.

**Huge thanks need to go out to my beta's, Jess and Stacy, as this chapter went through a million edits and rewrites!** It wouldn't be what it is without all of your help.

_From Before…_

"_That insolent brat is going to be the death of me," he said aloud as he stared at the jar of numbing balm in his hand. _

**Ch 24 – I Don't Want You to Die**

Harry sprinted all the way to his room and slammed the door. A few of the angry tears forming in his eyes had finally slid out. He was so mad about everything and it was too much to take. First Ron's family and now Hermione's. He couldn't stand by and watch Voldemort attacking the people he cared about. Eventually, someone was going to get seriously injured and he couldn't bear to watch that like he had with Cedric.

He brought his hands up, rubbing across his forehead before clenching fistfuls of his hair. His scar was still prickling, but it was a little late now to tell Snape he wanted that numbing balm.

And then there was Snape. Of all the idiotic things to assume, Snape thought Harry didn't appreciate everything he was doing for the war and more specifically for him, which couldn't be farther from the truth. Now more than ever, Harry was realizing just how dangerous Snape's job was and after everything the professor had done for him this summer, he didn't think it was fair that Snape had to tempt fate with Voldemort.

But how could Harry explain any of that to Snape? Obviously the man wouldn't believe him and actually might mock him if he said he cared about Snape's well being. He wished there was a way to make everything go away, just for a little while; a way to make everything stop so he didn't have to think about all these things. There was no doubt in Harry's mind that Snape would be knocking on his door any minute, demanding they finish their conversation after Harry so rudely stormed out.

Something on his bedside table caught Harry's attention and for a second his heart leapt. The vial of Dreamless Sleep Snape had left the previous night was still sitting there and Harry recognized it as his brief reprieve. It wouldn't fix anything, that was for certain, but it would give him the delay he wanted in not having to face Snape. So, without any regard for the consequences, Harry downed the contents of the small glass vial before dropping onto the bed on his stomach. He didn't bother to remove his clothes or climb under the covers. Snape had been right earlier. His body already was exhausted and it felt so good to just lie there, curling one arm up under his head to stop his glasses from digging into his temple so much. Harry waited for the potion to finish its job while trying to turn off all the maddening thoughts. In the morning he would have a clearer head and would find a way to explain everything to Snape. And fix whatever fragile truce they had, Harry thought as his eyes drifted shut.

-SS-

Severus stopped in front of Harry's closed door and took one last second to compose himself before knocking lightly. He had spent a good ten minutes pacing the library before confronting Harry, in order to reign in his temper. He was mad at himself for taking Harry's words so literally at first, especially when the child was so distraught. Now that he fully understood what Harry meant, he felt awful for adding to his anxiety.

Severus knocked again but still received no answer. Slowly pushing open the door, he tried to prepare himself for whatever might greet him. It was obvious by the time Harry fled the study that his emotions were close to exploding.

"Harry?" Severus called to the seemingly empty room until he noticed the figure sprawled out on the bed.

Harry didn't answer and Severus got the immediate impression of a sulking teenager.

"Harry?" he tried again in a more authoritative tone as he made his way towards the bed. It was then that he noticed the empty vial on the nightstand and his last few steps were rushed as he quickly snatched it up. He knew it was the Dreamless Sleep, but he still peered at the label to be sure.

"You foolish brat!" he hissed menacingly at the unmoving form on the bed as he watched Harry struggle to open his eyes. "You have no idea the interactions this could have had with the potion you took less than an hour ago!"

Harry managed to finally flutter his eyelids open enough to squint at Snape. "Hmm?" he slurred groggily. Then the glazed green orbs widened in alarm when he finally made sense of the truth in Snape's words. "I'm sorry," he mumbled out.

Severus' face softened ever so slightly at Harry's barely audible apology, but that didn't lesson his worry. He quickly summoned his own research journal and immediately flipped it open to the section of trials from when he was creating the potion. His eyes scanned the ingredients and possible interactions almost frantically.

_Armadillo Bile – Bundimum Secretion… _Severus' mind was working a mile a minute trying to work out all the additional interactions that were possible besides the obvious ones listed… _Dittany – Tubeworms…_ Every ingredient combination created a new possible interaction… _Syrup of Hellebore – Sneezewort or Scurvy Grass…_

Finally Severus let out a long breath. As far as he could predict, mixing the potions would not kill Harry or have any adverse reactions besides the obvious sedation. The worry he felt those last few agonizing minutes was now replaced with anger. Harry had no way of knowing that and thoughtlessly went ahead anyways.

_Unless Harry knew exactly what he was doing and that was what he was hoping for._ _Oh Merlin, how could I have missed that?_ Severus questioned himself as his hand shot out to gently push back Harry's hair from his forehead to get a better look at the boy's eyes.

Harry was looking at him with wide, shocked eyes, as though he too just realized the error of his decision. The touch instantly calmed him though and a smile crept across his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't think…" he mumbled sleepily, closing his eyes contentedly.

Severus felt a huge weight release from his chest. Harry's eyes were like an open book and it was obvious in that instant that he had completely forgotten there might be an interaction between the two potions. That didn't take away from the seriousness of the matter and he would definitely give Harry a piece of his mind in the morning, but for now Severus was unbelievably relieved and his hand continued to gently brush Harry's hair off his face.

"I'm sorry," Harry tried to mumble again, his constricted pupils trying to search out Snape's black eyes.

"Yes, you've stated that a few times already, Mr. Potter. Maybe the potions interactions are having more of a detrimental effect than I originally thought," Snape said.

With a quick wave of his wand, he cast a diagnostics spell to check on Harry's vital signs. Everything appeared normal, but Harry had furrowed his brow as though he were extremely frustrated with something.

"You don't understand," he said, straining to keep his eyes open, but failing. "You've done more for me than anyone…" he trailed off while taking a deep breath.

Severus watched as Harry's lips continued to move but the string of words was mostly incomprehensible.

"Everything with the Dursleys. No one ever promised not to send me back. Hagrid just turned Dudley into a pig," Harry muttered.

It was actually almost humorous to see Harry as a dead weight and not the confrontational teen Severus was used to. He tried to listen to all of Harry's rambling thank-yous, but the talk of pigs lost him.

"And then Sirius turned into a hippogriff and flew away. But you probably already knew that. You were so mad that day," Harry said knowingly.

Severus placed the back of his hand against Harry's forehead, noticing that the heat had faded ever so slightly.

"The Weasleys drove their car into my room, but I always had to go back. You let me stay. And the clothes. I never had nice things before," Harry added before he paused to catch his breath.

"You know what? You're nice now too, but… I don't want… hurt," Harry tried to explain more but was beginning to get frustrated again.

"You don't understand," Harry tried to say more forcefully.

"Yes I do," Severus finally murmured, thinking Harry was referring to everyone who might get hurt throughout this war. He reached out to touch the boy's forehead once more. "You worry too much about things that are out of your control."

"I don't want you to die," Harry blurted out in his half conscious state.

Severus was a bit caught off guard by Harry's bluntness, but recovered quickly. "Unfortunately, Potter, you cannot get rid of me that easily," he said in a light tone, causing Harry's face to relax a bit.

"Good," he mumbled into the bed.

Severus couldn't stop from smiling at Harry's response and Harry squinted up at his professor in time to actually catch a glimpse of it before Snape removed his hand from Harry's forehead and pulled his glasses off.

"Foolish Gryffindors," Snape chastised as he moved down the bed to pull Harry's shoes and socks off.

The two potions were quickly putting Harry into a near comatose state and Severus wondered if he would even remember the conversation in the morning. A quick spell transfigured Harry's clothes into pajamas and Harry shifted a tiny bit in his sleep, pressing his face even further into the mattress.

Severus let out a half-amused sigh. "Alright Harry, you can't sleep like this," he said softly, while shaking the boy's shoulder.

"Hmm?" Harry answered.

"I assure you, you will not appreciate the pain in your neck tomorrow if you pass out like this," Snape said.

With a little help from Harry, Severus managed to twist the child onto his side and slid the covers out from under him.

"Insufferable whelp," he joked as he pulled the blankets up over Harry's shoulder and watched the teen curl even more comfortably into them.

Harry turned his head in Severus' direction and blinked up at the man a few times and Severus couldn't resist the urge to brush Harry's hair out of his eyes one last time.

"Get to sleep," Severus ordered, watching as a tranquil smile spread across the boy's face and Harry's eyes finally remained closed.

-SS-

Severus would never admit that he lingered by Harry's bed for a few extra minutes just watching the boy sleep serenely. No, if anyone ever asked it was only to double check that the wretched child's blood pressure or pulse hadn't suddenly dropped.

When he finally made it back down to the study, it was to the incessant floo calls from Grimmauld Place. Albus Dumbledore looked a little exhausted, most likely from holding off the pack of wolves that were Harry's friends and family, but Severus still greeted him with his best scowl.

"Ah, Severus! I hope you were able to talk some sense into our young Mr. Potter. The demand is too great to deny a few certain people the chance to speak with him this evening," Dumbledore said cordially.

"Unfortunately you will have to do just that. He is asleep. But, yes, he will be properly dissuaded from his ridiculous thinking and he will be able to speak with them in the morning," Snape answered while grabbing a tumbler and pouring himself a glass of Firewhiskey.

Severus stopped the action before the glass was even a quarter full and stared at the amber liquid, instinctively touching his thumb to the spot where his dark mark was hidden under his clothing. Dumbledore, whose head was still hovering in his fireplace, was completely forgotten. _What if Harry is right and I do get summoned?_

He was startled out of his thoughts by the noise of the floo and turned in time to see Dumbledore gliding towards him.

"Severus, is everything alright?" he asked in an extremely soft voice.

"Yes, fine," Snape answered with a wave of his hand at the elder wizard before vanishing the contents of the glass.

"Are you being summoned?" Dumbledore asked worriedly.

"No, but it is only a matter of time, I suppose," Snape answered as though it were a perfectly normal activity.

Dumbledore nodded his head in understanding. "We may have to rethink our strategy sooner than either of us originally thought."

Snape cocked an eyebrow at the headmaster in disbelief. "I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that and you're not losing your mind, old man." He dreamed of the day he wouldn't have to grovel at that madman's feet, but for now, he knew how priceless his position was if they had any hope of ever defeating Voldemort. There was no point in getting his hopes up when he was duty-bound to continue his work as a spy.

Dumbledore let out a light chuckle, brushing the insult off as a compliment, but before he could respond, Snape called out for his house elf.

"Marla, some tea, if you would," he requested and with a quick glance at the headmaster, "and perhaps a plate of scones."

"Severus, we may have to seriously reconsider your position," Dumbledore spoke up after the elf disappeared.

"There is nothing wrong with my position," Snape snapped back. "The Dark Lord suspects nothing and there is no reason to reconsider anything."

"Some things may be more important than-"

"No, Albus! I have no doubt that you are directing this war in the best way you see fit, but you and I both know that my current position is crucial. Do not pretend like there is another way," Snape said with a note of finality, folding his arms across his chest.

After a few minutes of awkward silence and Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkling more madly than ever, both wizards were sitting around the coffee table sipping their tea. Even with missing most of dinner, Severus found that he didn't have much of an appetite, but Albus was enjoying the sweetest scone he could find on the tray.

"I'm sure you have questions, Albus. There is no need to tiptoe around the issues," he said, meeting the headmaster's gaze. He knew he had not heard the last of their previous conversation and the fact that Albus was letting it drop this quickly only reaffirmed that the elder wizard's mind was already working out new strategies, but Severus was sick of listening to his own thoughts. Enough so that he would even entertain whatever new line of conversation Dumbledore would choose.

"The potion you've brewed for Harry seems tremendously effective in terminating these visions. I'm extremely proud of your work," Dumbledore said with a sincere smile.

"Unfortunately, it cannot prevent him from seeing exactly what the Dark Lord needs first," Snape answered before taking a long sip of his tea.

Dumbledore nodded his head in sad agreement. "He's dealing with a lot right now, but the comfort he draws from you is clearly helping," he said.

Snape regarded his mentor with a long look but no defensive comeback came to his lips. He didn't feel the need to deny it any longer, at least in front of this man. Albus Dumbledore always seemed to know the truth anyway, so any denial would be useless. It would certainly bring about a lot of problems in front of everyone else though, and if things were to continue, both he and Harry would need to become extraordinary actors before school started.

"He blames himself for everything; the abuse, the wrongs committed against his friends, even the death of Cedric Diggory I believe," Snape said in an almost pained voice.

"That sounds familiar," Dumbledore responded, earning a hard glare from Snape. "Severus, I know you are the best person to help Harry right now, but that doesn't mean you should neglect to look at yourself. You deserve forgiveness and certainly not all the blame you place upon your own shoulders." His tone was sincerely heartfelt.

"If anything, I deserve more blame!" Snape said sharply. "The majority of that child's pain is because of me. His parents would be here if not for me and the years of abuse he faced would never have existed," he finished bitterly.

"Severus-"

"Albus, save your excuses!" Snape snapped as he rose from his seat in one fluid motion. Turning his back to the elder wizard, he made his way over to the patio doors to stare across the darkened grounds.

After a few minutes of silence, Dumbledore spoke up. "If you want to play that game, Severus, I left the boy in their care. A good portion of the blame must lie with me," he said sharply, almost making Snape flinch.

It wasn't often that Severus heard that cutting tone come from Albus Dumbledore's mouth, but it always served to reaffirm what a powerful wizard the man really was. He knew he was being ridiculous assuming all this blame, but Severus just couldn't seem to shake the guilt. In fact, it only seemed to grow worse the closer he grew to Harry, knowing that one day the boy would find out about that dreadful prophecy and who spoke it to the Dark Lord.

Severus let his eyes fall shut as he raked a weary hand across his face and for a few minutes, just reveled in the silence in the room. He was finally startled by a hand falling onto his shoulder.

"Severus, Harry needs you and undoubtedly cares about you. And most importantly, you deserve that affection," Dumbledore said.

Severus didn't respond but returned to staring pointedly out the window.

"I must return to headquarters, but I will return as soon as I have any news. But, Severus, please don't hesitate to contact me if you are in need of anything at all," Dumbledore said sincerely.

Severus gave the elder wizard a quick nod before Dumbledore disappeared back through the floo, leaving Snape to brood with his own thoughts.

-SS-

Blinking his eyes a few times, Harry tried to figure out what happened last night and where he was. His head felt like there was water sloshing around in it and weighing it down, but for some reason he had a grin on his face.

Pushing himself up to sitting and grabbing his glasses, everything started rushing back and the grin immediately disappeared. He jumped from the bed and just managed to remember to grab his night robe off the back of the sofa before flying out of the room. He was still trying to finagle his right arm into its proper sleeve when he burst into the kitchen.

Snape was sitting in his usual spot, looking calm and relaxed while sipping coffee and reading the paper.

At Harry's loud and abrupt entrance, Severus tilted his head enough to see the disheveled boy and merely cocked one eyebrow at him.

Harry was breathing a bit heavily from his dash through the house and silently gazed at the man, wondering if this relaxed demeanor meant good news.

"Sir?" Harry questioned tentatively while stepping further into the room so he could face his professor properly. He assumed the professor's silence signified his disapproval of Harry's casual attire. "I'll go back up and change, but I just need to know about Hermione's parents first."

"No. You will sit down and have breakfast while we discuss a few things. You may change afterwards," Snape responded and instantly made a plate of bacon and eggs appear in front of Harry's chair.

Harry stood staring at Snape with an imploring look. It was nice that the man didn't mind Harry was still in his pajamas, but couldn't he see how much Harry desperately needed information.

"Sit and I will explain," Snape pushed further while his eyes dropped down to scrutinize Harry's bare feet that were currently shifting back and forth.

Harry followed the professor's eye movement and blushed a little, remembering what the man had said when he gave him the robe and slippers. Apparently under the circumstances, Snape was going to let it slide this time because the man made no comment.

Harry quickly slipped into his seat and waited for Snape to explain.

"As the headmaster said last night, Ms. Grangers' parents were moved and are still completely safe," Snape said.

At that news, Harry let out the breath he was holding.

"Wait, but then who did I see?" he asked with renewed worry.

"There were two casualties. Two neighbors decided to investigate the commotion," Snape said as horror washed across Harry's face. "And immediately discard any notion that their deaths are somehow your fault, Harry," he said sharply.

Darting his eyes away from Snape's, Harry tried to swallow the lump in his throat and the urge to throw up. "I'm not stupid. I can see the pattern. He's going after MY friends. I'm the common factor here," Harry argued yet lacking the adrenaline he had the night before.

"Potter, look at me," Snape hissed while slamming his hand on the table, making Harry jump but also accomplishing his task. "Listen very carefully," he said slowly.

Harry wanted to deny whatever logic Snape would come up with, but found himself unable to look away from those dark swirling orbs.

"We are at war. There will be casualties. Unless you cast the Avada Kedavra, those casualties are Not. Your. Fault," he said, emphasizing each word.

"And clearly you cannot comprehend that," he continued after scrutinizing Harry's face for concession and apparently finding none. "Tell me, what would your friends do if you died today?" Snape asked.

"What? I don't know," Harry snapped back while shaking his head, completely confused about what this had to do with people getting killed.

Snape closed his eyes for a brief second as though thoroughly frustrated before continuing.

"With the war, what would your friends do in reference to the war, Harry?" Snape prodded further.

_Oh._ Now Harry realized what Snape was getting at, but that didn't mean he had to make it easy for the man. He shrugged his shoulder and before he could reply, Snape continued.

"If you were not here, would Ms. Granger run off and join the Dark Lord's ranks?" Snape asked seriously.

"What? No!" Harry answered, looking outraged at the idea.

"So perhaps she would sit back and do nothing. Refuse to choose sides," Snape continued.

"No, she would fight with the Order," Harry argued and watched as a smug look spread across Snape's face.

"Exactly, Mr. Potter. She would fight. She would place herself at the top of the Dark Lord's hit-list all on her own. Not only will she openly and vehemently oppose him through this war, but she is also Muggle-born. She does not need your help marking herself as a target," Snape explained firmly. "And I think it is safe to say we both know she is smart enough to know the consequences of her own actions."

Harry couldn't really argue with that. Snape was right. Hermione was anything if not honorable. She wouldn't back down from this war no matter what and even if Harry died, she'd continue to fight. And since one of Voldemort's objectives was to rid the world of Muggle-borns, she already had one strike against her. Harry finally nodded his head in agreement.

"Excellent," Snape said in response to Harry's concession. "Let's take a look at the entire Weasley family then. I also think it's safe to say that they have no intentions of abandoning the Order. You have probably already heard them referred to as 'blood traitors', correct?" Snape questioned.

"Yes," Harry answered, nodding his head.

"So we can conclude that they have already made themselves a prime target of the Dark Lord long before you entered the picture, yes?" Snape questioned again.

Harry nodded his head slowly.

"Harry, if you disagree with my conclusions, voice any oppositions now because I would like to end this ridiculous logic of yours permanently," Snape said in a strangely open tone. "Now is not the time to distance yourself from your friends and comrades. This war is not yours to fight alone and we certainly won't allow you to get rid of us that easily."

Harry couldn't seem to find his voice. There was a warmness shining in Snape's eyes that Harry had never seen before and he obviously noticed the man's choice to use the word 'we'. All he could manage to do was once again shake his head in agreement.

"Good. Enjoy your breakfast and after you've cleaned up for the day you may go to Grimmauld Place to speak with everyone," Snape said as he refilled his coffee.

"They're probably really mad at me," Harry answered, ashamed of how he had yelled at the people he really considered family.

Snape smirked at Harry across the table. "Yes, they demanded to see you last night and speaking of _last_ _night_…"

If Harry looked ashamed before, now he looked positively horrified and immediately jumped in to explain. "Sir, about what I said. I didn't mean to imply that what you did wasn't important," he said hurriedly and continued through Snape's attempt to interrupt. "I was just really upset and sick of seeing people getting hurt and-"

"POTTER!" Snape snapped. "That I understand. What I was referring to was the idiotic thing you did when you got up to your room."

Harry blushed, recalling some of the stupid things he slurred when the professor had come into his room after he swallowed the dreamless sleep. And… _oh Merlin, he thinks I tried to kill myself!_

"I wasn't trying to do what you thought. I just forgot there could be an interaction with the other potion. Honestly," he tried to explain.

"I do not doubt that," Snape responded. "However, if you ever do feel the desire to do something stupid like that, I expect you to come and speak to me first. Understood?"

Harry nodded his head in amazement, staring at those open dark orbs. He had never seen Snape's eyes look so compassionate.

"AND, if you ever do anything that foolish again, trust me when I say that you won't have to worry about a potion killing you. I'll do it myself," he continued harshly although the amused look on his face betrayed his words.

Harry couldn't help but smile. "So you'll raise me from the dead just to kill me?" he asked cheekily.

"Eat your breakfast, brat," Snape said while hiding a smirk behind his newspaper.

-SS-

Harry nervously entered the study, preparing to head to Grimmauld Place. Snape was at his desk rifling through some papers and Harry wondered for a moment if the man saw him.

After the serious talks they had at breakfast, Harry really enjoyed the rest of the meal and the ease he felt sitting with the man he used to hate. But now, his anxiety about facing his friends was coming back. He tried to keep repeating all the things Snape had told him earlier, but he was still nervous.

Hermione would naturally be upset about the murder of her neighbors, not to mention everyone would think he was a prat, storming off the way he did last night. Harry drew in a deep breath and approached the fireplace, grabbing a handful of floo powder.

He turned to bid the professor farewell only to discover the man was eyeing him pointedly. It was a '_don't forget what we talked about'_ kind of look.

"I'll remember what you said," Harry answered, gaining a tiny grin from the professor that most other people wouldn't have been able to detect.

"Good," Snape responded. "And perhaps you should take some time to speak with the young Ms. Weasley while you are there as well."

Harry gave Snape an extremely puzzled expression.

"If I'm not mistaken, Ms. Weasley has some firsthand experience with possession by the Dark Lord. Speaking with her may help clarify any confusion over your own situation," Snape explained.

Harry found himself mouthing the word 'oh' without even realizing it. He had completely forgotten about what Ginny had gone through during his second year. And now that Snape pointed it out, he knew his own experience with these visions was nothing like how Ginny explained being possessed.

"Thanks professor," he answered, giving a small smile.

Snape gave him a curt nod and Harry finally disappeared into the green flames.

He was instantly greeted with a loud chorus of "Harry!" Brushing himself off, Harry found that he was already surrounded by Ron, Hermione, Sirius, and Remus, with the other Weasley's standing from their spots at the kitchen table.

Apparently, the group was unsure of whether to approach further and gave Harry a few feet of space, waiting for him to make the first move. He gave them an embarrassed but reassuring smile.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," he finally said and at that, Hermione threw herself into his arms.

"Oh Harry!" she practically sobbed while still strangling him in a hug, causing Harry to blush further.

Ron approached as well and put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "You're our best friend, Harry. We would never just leave you… you prat," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry. I know," Harry said, finally managing to extricate himself from the little witch. "And I'm sorry about your neighbors, Hermione," he added in an even softer voice.

Hermione's breathing hitched a little but she just shook her head. "That's not your fault, Harry," she said in a pained voice while Ron started rubbing her back.

Remus and Sirius approached at this point. "You realize that don't you Harry?" Remus asked.

Harry nodded his head. "Yes," he finally answered.

Sirius didn't waste any more time and engulfed Harry in a hug. "You gave us all quite a scare last night. Are you sure you're alright?" he asked in a fiercely protective voice as he pulled back to look over Harry's appearance.

Harry gave his godfather a reassuring smile. "I'm fine," he said, and surprisingly, it was mostly true. There were still a million things to worry about, but after everything that had taken place with Snape in the last few days, Harry was feeling more at ease about some of the weights on his shoulders.

"Does this mean I have to thank Snape?" Sirius asked with a sarcastic grin.

Harry couldn't help but smile even bigger. He knew his godfather had no intention of thanking Snape, but it seemed as though Sirius realized how much the professor had helped him last night.

"Well, you're not escaping so easily today," Sirius said, ushering Harry over to the table along with everyone else. "And besides, you forgot this," he added, pulling out the envelope full of photographs, earning another smile from Harry.

The cheery mood at the table didn't last indefinitely, but everyone attempted to keep Harry and Hermione distracted from thinking about the attack and for a while it worked. On his way back from the bathroom, Harry ended up running into Ginny and decided to use the opportunity to broach the topic Snape had suggested.

"Hey Harry," she said with a sincere smile. "I'm glad you seem to be doing better. You had us all pretty worried last night."

"Thanks, yeah, I'm fine," he answered, still a bit uncomfortable with the pitying looks people were constantly shooting his way, like he might crumble into pieces at any second.

"Umm, Gin. Actually, there is something I wanted to talk to you about if it wouldn't bother you," Harry asked awkwardly.

"Sure, what is it?" she asked.

Harry gave a tight smile but was still nervous about asking such a personal question.

"Is it about… Voldemort?" she asked after Harry's pause.

"Yeah. It's just that Snape says I'm not actually being possessed by Voldemort and I just thought since… But if it's too personal," he finished rambling while shaking his head as if to dismiss the whole conversation.

"Harry, Snape is right and I don't mind telling you about it if it will help convince you of that," she answered reassuringly. "I was disappearing for long periods of time and couldn't remember where I had been or what I had done. You never left the couch."

Harry shifted his weight and dropped his eyes to the floor. "I know. It's just so realistic."

"I'm not saying it's a good situation. I know it must be awful to be forced to watch what he's doing. But you have to at least feel reassured that you aren't the one doing it," Ginny responded while reaching out and squeezing his arm. "I mean, I don't remember doing most of that stuff, but knowing that I did… well you know."

Harry instantly stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. She was like family to him and he felt awful for bringing up an obviously painful subject. "Gin, you didn't willingly choose to do those things. You shouldn't feel guilty about it," he said into her hair.

"I know," she answered quietly, not attempting to break the contact, "but it's still hard not to feel guilty."

"I know…" Harry agreed.

-SS-

When Harry stepped back into the kitchen, it was to discover Snape's head hovering in the fireplace, but it was the words out of the man's mouth that made Harry's stomach plummet.

"I have to step out for a few hours. I have a couple of errands to take care of. Tell Potter to disregard our schedule for today," he said, not yet noticing Harry.

"Errands?" Harry growled in question. After all this garbage about honesty and Harry admitting things to Snape that he swore he would never tell anyone, the man had the nerve to lie to him about where he was going. Even worse, Snape wasn't even going to tell Harry to his face, and instead let Sirius pass the message along. Harry knew perfectly well why his professor had to suddenly disappear for the day, and by the way Snape was gritting his teeth, that reason was currently shooting pain up his arm.

"Yes, Potter. Errands," Snape answered and tried his best to pin Harry with a glare that said, _keep your mouth shut_. His work as a spy was nothing he desired to broadcast. But he also couldn't help but lessen his glare at the sight of betrayal written on Harry's face. It was just another reason he knew he should never have let himself and the boy start to grow closer. He held Harry's gaze with the calmest one he felt comfortable sending the boy, considering the large audience they had.

Harry found his temper lessen a little as he watched Snape's dark orbs soften. He knew the professor would hate him if he delved into this conversation further. "Right," he said while nodding his head in understanding, "_and be careful,"_ he added mentally, staring into the Professor's eyes. Snape seemed to comprehend and nodded in return.

With one last fleeting look, Snape disappeared from the flames.

Everyone in the kitchen eyed Harry with strange looks, but thankfully no one asked about the exchange, nor seemed to question Snape's claim of needing to run errands.

Harry humored everyone for a few more hours past lunch, thinking it would help take his mind off the idea of where Snape currently was, but every minute that passed was just another minute that Snape didn't return. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore and made his own excuse to get back to the manor.

Nothing there seemed to work to distract him either and eventually he settled himself onto the couch in the study, pretending to read and refusing to move until Snape came back.

-SS-

_TBC… _

Hope it was worth the wait. Review if you please :) - Mara


	25. Ch 25 Reciprocation

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** So WOW! My readers are amazing! 117,674 words as of chapter 24 and you guys have given me 599 wonderful reviews! I'm just shocked and amazed looking at the number of favs and alerts as well. Here's an extra long chapter as a reward!

**Betas are the best… especially Jess and Stacy. **

_From Before…_

_Nothing there seemed to work to distract him either and eventually he settled himself onto the couch in the study, pretending to read and refusing to move until Snape came back. _

**Ch 25 – Reciprocation**

Severus was not the nervous type. He had only felt this apprehensive apparating to the Dark Lord a handful of times. The first night he returned after the Triwizard Tournament came to mind, but even then his lies had felt more planned out. Now all he could see were those pleading green eyes laced with worry and it was over him, the most-hated teacher at Hogwarts.

Just before the edge of his wards, Severus took a couple calming breaths and reorganized everything in his head behind the best Occlumency shields he would ever have to make. The cool, calm, and collected façade instantly fell back into place and Severus took that last step with a confidence no one would doubt except himself.

-SS-

He found himself standing in front of Riddle Manor. The sun beat down onto his head and shoulders, but the beautiful weather was a stark contrast to the dark magic that oozed from the godforsaken place in front of him. He'd been forced to apparate here numerous times following the incident in the graveyard and his loyalty was thoroughly tested that first night after the Dark Lord's return. Severus suppressed a shudder at the thought that today it might be repeated.

He walked purposefully up the front walk and the front door opened automatically to reveal the short rat-like figure of Peter Pettigrew.

"Ss-Severus," he stuttered while waving the man into the house. "Th-The Dark Lord instructed me to give you this."

Snape gave him a cold glare that gratifyingly caused the rat to cower before he snatched the envelope out of his hand.

Within was one piece of parchment containing an extensive list of potions.

Most other Death Eaters would be relieved, seeing the list as a sign that the Dark Lord was not displeased with him, but Severus knew better. It had been almost fifteen years since Severus was required to brew in the Dark Lord's lab rather than his own. This return to old traditions was not a comforting sign, but a subtle way for the Dark Lord to reestablish their roles. And the fact that he was avoiding him now was an even worse sign. There was no doubt in Severus' mind that Voldemort was only a room or two away, but he had not requested Severus' presence… yet.

"The lab?" Severus asked, resuming his glare at the little traitor before him.

"Right this way," Wormtail said, gesturing to a hallway on his left.

Severus found the lab to be stocked to precision, not that he would expect anything less from the Dark Lord. He set to work immediately. As it was, he would be here all day and possibly all night with how long the list was. He suppressed a smirk upon seeing the numerous amounts of pain-relieving potions the Dark Lord was requesting. _Bloody bastard would never admit that to any of his other Death Eaters_.

It was hard not to let his mind wander and worry about what Voldemort had in store for him later, but as more time passed Severus was positive there would be something coming. He added another pinch of powdered dragon horn before stirring three clockwise strokes followed by one counter stir.

Severus tried his best to stifle a flinch as a cold finger brushed across the back of his neck causing all the little hairs there to stand on end.

"Ah, my brilliant Severus," Voldemort whispered into his ear. His voice caused a shiver to run down Snape's spine.

"My Lord," Severus greeted subordinately, knowing the previous compliment should not be taken as such. "I hope you find my work acceptable." He continued stirring the cauldron in the same rhythm as before.

"I always find your _potions _work to be acceptable," Voldemort insinuated from somewhere behind Snape.

"Allow me to place a stasis charm on the cauldrons so I may greet you properly," Snape said.

"That won't be necessary, Severus. And please, don't let me distract you from your work," Voldemort said. His tone was sickly sweet and far too over the top to be considered sincere, if Voldemort could even be sincere.

Severus was in a dangerous situation. The Dark Lord had yet to question him about the Grangers, which was no doubt the reason he had been called, but to broach the subject himself would be an immediate red flag. Voldemort would take it as a sign that Severus knew he was guilty of withholding information. On the other hand, saying nothing would imply that Severus felt he did nothing wrong and that could never be the case in the eyes of Voldemort.

Severus had multiple cauldrons brewing at varying levels of completion when Voldemort finally stepped into his peripheral vision to approach the last cauldron. It was a completed batch of anti-Cruciatus potion. The Dark Lord sometimes enjoyed prolonging his torture sessions before driving his victims insane.

Severus never took his eyes off his own hands currently dicing up a daisy root, but he could still make out Voldemort lifting the stirring rod to check the consistency of the potion. A smug look spread across the man's face, seemingly satisfied with Severus' results.

"Join me in the parlor by midnight, Severus." Voldemort left out the _'or else'_ but both men knew it was implied. He trailed his wand across the table as he exited the room and let it graze Snape's shoulder blades as he passed directly behind the potion's master.

It was blatantly obvious to Snape that he would not make Voldemort's time constraint, but that was exactly what was intended. He was definitely going to be punished this evening for his supposed transgressions. Severus inhaled a few calming breaths, willing his mind to let go of whatever was to come, and threw himself into his work.

-SS-

As midnight came and went and the potions neared completion, Severus' thoughts were startled by the screams he heard from somewhere across the manor. His mark had started burning shortly before that, signaling that other Death Eaters were being called. It was hard to say whether Voldemort was taking his anger out on his loyal servants or whether they had found some hapless muggles to play with. Although the second idea made him feel infinitely sicker, neither one bode well.

It was twelve thirty as Severus made his way to the parlor, satchel of potions in hand. Pushing the door open, he was greeted with the usual ring of Death Eaters. A few were still standing but many were on their knees, most likely not by choice. Voldemort sat in a high-backed arm chair lazily flicking his wand at Yaxley, who was the current victim twitching on the floor. He stilled his movements when he noticed Snape enter.

Severus approached with poise and confidence although he knew this would not be pleasant. Dropping down on one knee, he bent his head low, waiting for the Dark Lord to extend his hand.

It seemed like an eternity to Severus that he stared through his own curtain of black hair at the hem of Voldemort's silk robes just listening to his own breathing.

Finally a skeletal hand came into view and Severus played the part of an expert Death Eater, clasping the hand and kissing it lightly with no sign of revulsion.

"My dear and loyal, Severus," Voldemort purred in an almost loving manner. "What would I do without my valuable spy?" he asked as he lifted Snape's chin while his other hand levitated the satchel of potions away.

The sarcasm wasn't missed by anyone in the room, let alone Snape, but he refused to allow any fear to pass through his eyes.

"I have left you out of my recent plans as I wouldn't want anyone to suspect my precious spy, but do you know who suspects you now?"

"My Lord, I live only to serve you…"

Voldemort's face turned murderous and with a quick slash of his wand, Snape was struck with a burning pain racing throughout his body. The pulses of the Cruciatus curse twitched across every nerve ending and it was all Severus could do to stop from falling forward and curling in on himself.

When the curse was finally released, Severus felt like he had never smelled anything as wonderful as the fresh air filling his lungs, but he tried his best to not let that show. It was quite a short duration to be held under the Cruciatus curse and he knew there would be much more to come.

"Tell me, Severus, when were you planning on informing me that the muggles had been moved?" Voldemort asked.

Snape brought his eyes up to meet his master's. "My Lord, I learned just this past night after word of your attack reached the Order," he explained with conviction.

"Are you telling me the old fool wouldn't inform you of such precautions?" Voldemort questioned skeptically, his piercing red eyes boring into Snape's.

Before Snape had a chance to respond, he could feel Voldemort pushing forcefully into his mind. He instantly pulled up the bits and pieces of his recent conversations with Dumbledore that would support his story perfectly. To fill in the rest of the space, he thought desperately back to the times he hated the marauders and had unfairly passed those feelings on to Harry.

Voldemort took his time poking and prodding Snape's mind, but Severus' years of practice in both Occlumency and Legilemency had paid off. The fragmented memories floated naturally along the surface and the shield hiding everything else was invisible. There was too much at stake for Snape to slip up here.

Voldemort pulled out of Snape's mind as abruptly as he entered and another Cruciatus was cast without a second of preparation. Snape found himself unable to maintain his upright position and was soon writhing at the Dark Lord's feet. The curse was held longer than the first, but he clamped his jaw shut tightly, refusing to utter anything remotely similar to a scream.

Severus was gasping for air this time, but pulled himself back up to kneeling with some unknown strength.

The rest of the Death Eaters in the room that still had the ability to watch the proceedings seemed to be holding their breaths waiting for the Dark Lord's verdict.

"It appears you speak the truth, Severus," Voldemort said quietly.

A terrible tremor was emanating from his chest, but Severus forced his dark unreadable eyes to meet his Master's.

"But you must certainly be slipping from Dumbledore's graces if you have failed to gather information such as this. It will not occur again," Voldemort said firmly.

"No, my Lord. It will not happen again," Snape repeated in his most obedient voice while bowing his head. He knew things were far from over. Voldemort would not let him off this easy.

"Tell me, Severus, how are your potions coming for Hogwarts?" Voldemort asked the seemingly innocent question while drumming the fingers of his free hand on the arm of his chair.

"I am nearly half way through the orders," Snape replied truthfully, wondering what Voldemort was getting at. _Would his next assignment be to slack off on that duty or perhaps sabotage his own potions in attempt to poison the students?_

"Perhaps you need a few days off from such a task," Voldemort said casually before hissing, "_Ictus-Cultellas!_"

The force of the spell knocked Snape sideways as a sharp searing pain shot through his right arm and shoulder. He instinctively brought his other hand up to clutch his intensely painful forearm and he realized immediately that blood was running down his arm. Glancing down, he watched as a trail of blood dripped off his fingertips and onto the floor. He knew the spell in question would have caused deep gashes along his arm, but he wasn't quite prepared for the amount of blood already flowing from them. They would take a few days to heal even with magic and the longer Voldemort kept him from treatment the longer he would be without the use of his dominant hand, which was apparently exactly what Voldemort had intended.

"If you aren't up for the simple tasks I require of you as a spy, you certainly should not be up for any work for that fool!" Voldemort yelled across the room as he rose from his seat. "Let that be a reminder to all of you. I DO NOT ACCEPT FAILURE!"

Those that had already been tortured, but managed to make it back to their feet, ducked their heads as if trying to blend into the background. No one in the group wanted Voldemort to turn his anger away from Snape.

Severus quickly pushed himself back around to face Voldemort properly and bowed low to kiss the hem of the man's robes. "I'm dishonored, my Lord, for failing you. It will not happen again," he said.

Severus suppressed a shudder as he felt Voldemort carding his fingers through his hair, but the gesture didn't last long and before he knew it, another _Crucio_ had been called out and he was writhing on the floor once again.

-SS-

Harry awoke to the sound of glass shattering and instantly had his wand drawn. It felt as though his heart had completely stopped beating and for a second he willed himself to dissolve into the couch.

Praying that the noise was caused by the man he was waiting for, Harry cautiously peered over the edge of the couch.

Although the darkness indicated it was night, Harry still had no clue what time it was specifically. The fire had died out, but someone else had lit a wall sconce over by Snape's desk and Harry guessed that someone was the person currently rifling through Snape's potions cabinet.

The source of what startled him earlier lay at the stranger's feet, a broken vial with a dark colored liquid seeping out. As he took in the back of the black-robed man, a pale, white hand flashed into sight from time to time as it frantically knocked aside potions in the cabinet.

Harry realized that the man was no stranger and let out a shaky breath as he whispered, "Snape."

Even though the sconce cast a flickering light over the man's form, Harry was certain he was shaking and instantly recalled the previous memory of Snape seated in one of the arm chairs. But these tremors looked far worse.

He hadn't meant to startle the man, but it was obvious he had. The professor stiffened immediately and stilled his movements but didn't turn around. Based on the severity of the tremors Harry had witnessed earlier, he was amazed at how long the man was holding perfectly still now.

"Potter, go to bed," Snape said. His voice came out rough and tired, but still with an amazing amount of conviction no ordinary student at Hogwarts would dare to question. He tipped his head back and downed a vial of potion.

Harry ignored the man's dismissal and took a few tentative steps around the couch so he could see a tiny bit of Snape's profile. From his new vantage point he finally noticed that Snape's right arm hung limp at his side and the black material over that appendage looked ripped and torn. Harry thought he could see blood through the fabric and he moved more swiftly towards the man, only to be stopped dead in his tracks by Snape's snarl.

"Potter, go to bed," he said viciously, turning his back on Harry once again as he wrapped his left hand firmly around one of the larger tears on his right arm.

"I'm not blind! I can see that you're hurt," Harry said, matching Snape's voice. With a quick spell, Harry lit a few more wall sconces, which bathed the room in a soft glow and illuminated Snape's figure more clearly.

"I said GO TO BED!" Snape yelled, finally spinning around to face Harry. He had an extremely nasty snarl on his face.

The professor was a pale man to begin with, but Harry could now see that his skin lacked even the smallest amount of color. Before Harry could retort, he saw Snape grit his teeth as a wave of pain flashed across the man's face and his grip around his right arm tightened. Harry's eyes traveled downward over the man's arm to his hand were he could see the red liquid pooling at each fingertip before falling in a surreal fashion to the floor.

Harry was moving forward again without even realizing it. All he could think was that this man, who had done so much for him, was now hurt and in pain. There was no way in hell he was going to go to bed and leave Snape in this condition.

Snape finally resigned to the fact that if he didn't sit down his knees might give out for him. He dropped into the chair behind his desk while he continued to pin Harry with a death glare. The little brat was blatantly disobeying him.

"You're bleeding. What happened? I'll get Madame Pomfrey," Harry said, stepping boldly into Snape's personal space.

Severus could see the concern shining in Harry's eyes, but the only solution he knew of to deal with such a foreign concept was to snarl at Harry again.

"It is one o'clock in the morning! You're going to bed! I am quite capable of calling Madame Pomfrey myself!" He was shaking again and he knew Harry would notice, but there was nothing he could do about it. That had been his second vial of anti-Cruciatus potion.

Harry spun around and ran to the floo as if that was exactly what Snape had ordered him to do.

Thrusting his head into the flames while calling out the Hogwarts Infirmary, he frantically called out for the medi-witch. The dark, empty ward only spurred Harry to call out more loudly. Still there was no response. Pulling his head back out, Harry was quickly trying to come up with another way to get Snape help.

He could hear Snape yelling to him or rather, at him, but he thrust his head back in and called out the headmaster's office. Again he was greeted with an empty room and his calls went unanswered. After a few long, agonizing minutes during which his heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest, Harry gave up.

He was startled by a sharp call from Snape and was back at his professor's side in an instant. "She's not there and neither is Dumbledore," he said through heavy breaths.

"I gathered that and while I appreciate the efforts," Snape gritted out sarcastically, "I distinctly remember telling you to GO TO BED!"

Harry completely ignored Snape once again and began rambling on with other solutions. "What about Sirius? He was an auror. He must know healing spells."

"I can heal myself!" Snape yelled before wincing ever so slightly. It would be a cold day in hell before he let Sirius Black heal him.

Harry's eyes were suddenly glued to Snape's right arm. Up close he could see just how much of the robe was soaked with blood. "Snape, you're bleeding," he stated again.

"We already established that, Potter! Now, the sooner you go to bed and get out of my way, the sooner I can take care of it," he said sharply, although he made no effort to move or gather the necessary items to heal himself.

"Oh? And how exactly are you going to heal yourself with your left hand when you're shaking so bad you can barely hold it in place?" Harry snapped back before summoning some towels.

Snape glared at the objects flying into the room. "And what do you intend to do, Healer Potter?" he asked sarcastically.

"You're going to put pressure on the wound and I'm going to get help," Harry said matter-of-factly, setting the towels on the desk next to Snape before spinning around to head towards the floo.

Severus forgot the fact that his hand was covered with blood and instinctively reached out to grasp Harry's wrist, stopping the boy short. "You will be doing nothing of the sort," he growled. "I'm quite capable of attending to my own wound even if I have to do it the muggle way!"

Harry could feel Snape's pain through the firm grip on his wrist and the liquid that now squished between their skin only strengthened his resolve. "I'm not going to watch you bleed to death, Snape!"

Snape dropped Harry's hand and immediately set to work wrenching his right arm from his robes and then started to remove the bloodied white button-up shirt underneath.

Harry was frozen in place. The blood was such a stark contrast against the white shirt and it was a wonder the professor was still moving as much as he was after that much blood loss.

"All right! You want to be so bloody noble and helpful? Go ahead, heal it!" Snape said, snapping Harry out of his trance.

Locking eyes with the professor, Harry tried to search them for any hint of humor, but found none. Snape was serious.

"What's the matter, Potter? Don't know any healing spells? Hmm?" Snape questioned while raising one eyebrow in a mocking gesture.

Even with the pain written across Snape's face, Harry was amazed that he could still pull off that condescending look he always used in class. The professor sat shirtless in front of him with three deep gashes on his right arm. The first crossed his shoulder joint, the second stretched down his bicep into the elbow, and the third sliced down the forearm onto his wrist. The blood was still pooling out of each wound, but the rate seemed to have slowed a little in comparison to how much blood was soaked into the white shirt on the floor.

Snape grabbed one of the towels off the desk and started dabbing it against his arm to get a better view of each wound. "Now go to bed!" he said firmly, acting as though Harry's lack of voice had proven he would be of no use.

"Damn it Snape! I'm not just going to go to bed," Harry said in frustration.

Severus was in too much pain to comment on Harry's swearing or the intimate way he had dropped the title that went before his last name. Instead, he threw down the towel and grabbed his wand in his left hand. As Harry pointed out earlier, he couldn't stop it from shaking, but he could still demonstrate the basic movement of the spell and hope Harry would have enough brains to smooth out those movements.

"You'll need your wand," Snape said, giving Harry a pointed glare that softened a fraction when he saw how frightened Harry's eyes actually were. "Start with one cut. You'll need to perform the cleansing charm immediately followed by the healing spell before moving on to the next wound.

"Let me just get some help," Harry pleaded, his voice coming out much more frightened then before.

"Potter, the bleeding can be stopped by wrapping them in the traditional Muggle method. Madame Pomfrey can heal them in the morning. If that's what you would prefer, then go to bed like I already directed," Snape snapped.

He knew he was being a bastard, but the pain was getting to him despite the potions he had already taken and he hated feeling vulnerable in front of Harry. He was Harry's guardian for the summer. He was supposed to take care of Harry. It should never have been the other way around. Harry should have never even seen him in this state to begin with. Perhaps he should just floo to the Infirmary and use Poppy's supplies so Harry wouldn't have to witness anything further.

Before Snape had the chance to do anything he realized Harry was standing in front of him with his wand ready and a determined, if not slightly frightened, look on his face. Pride swelled in his chest at the sight of the boy, prepared to do anything to help heal him.

"The cleansing charm is small circular movements over the wound," he said as he tried to move his wand in a similar fashion. "Start from the top of the cut and work your way down."

Harry tried to mimic Snape's example combined with the description.

"Smaller circles. You'll need to place the wand tip almost directly over the area you are disinfecting," Snape directed, as if they were having an ordinary lesson and not one where he was possibly bleeding to death.

Harry nodded his head and tried again until Snape interrupted.

"That's fine. The incantation is _Eluo Vulnus_," he said, before repeating it much slower, articulating each syllable, "_E-lu-o Vul-nus_."

Harry tried the wand movement again while saying the incantation and looked for confirmation that he pronounced it correctly.

Snape nodded his head before quickly moving on to the healing charm. He wished he could take more time explaining everything to Harry because he could see how nervous the boy was, but if they weren't going to perform the spells quickly, he really needed to start wrapping the wounds to stop the blood flow.

"Again, starting from top to bottom, the healing spell has more of a stitch-like movement. You'll need to keep crossing your wand back over the cut from side to side," he said, trying his best to demonstrate it even with his hand twitching.

He watched as Harry started repeating his movements.

"You may need to repeat this spell twice depending on how deep the cut is. The incantation is _Vi-go-ra-tus Vis-cus_," he instructed before smoothing it out, "_Vigoratus Viscus_."

Harry repeated the new spell before going back to the first one. Making small swirling motions with his wand he spoke softly but clearly, "_E-lu-o Vul-nus_," and then went straight into the second spell stitching his wand back and forth in the air. "_Vi-go-ra-tus Vis-cus_."

He sucked in a deep breath of air and exhaled slowly before looking to his professor for further instruction.

Snape rested his injured arm on the desk and grabbed the towel to dab the bottom most cut so Harry could see the outline better. He had to grit his teeth together to stop from hissing in pain at his own action. He knew Harry was already nervous and if the boy thought he was in pain he might not take his time with the spells. "Go ahead," he said, looking up into Harry's eyes trying to reassure him.

"I can still get Sirius," Harry said nervously.

"Harry, do the spell!" Snape said forcefully, before adding in a much gentler voice, "You'll do fine."

Nodding his head, Harry took in another calming breath and closed his eyes for a second. He could see Snape shaking and he could feel his own nerves causing the same thing. He wondered if the professor could tell and was nervous about letting Harry use him as a guinea pig.

Opening his eyes, he tried not to focus on all the blood. The bleeding needed to be stopped. He could do this. He placed his left hand over the professor's own on the desk and ignored the man's flinch. He needed to ground himself and wanted to be able to hold his wand hand as steady as possible.

Starting at the top of the cut like instructed, Harry pronounced the Latin fluidly and carefully as his wand began the small swirls, moving down the line of the cut towards where his own hand rested atop Snape's.

Snape inhaled a sharp breath at the stinging sensation the cleansing spell caused and tightened his own grip around Harry's fingers, but felt another burst of pride swell within him at the realization that not only was Harry performing the spell correctly, but he also hadn't faltered when Snape showed obvious signs of discomfort.

Figuring Snape would say something if it wasn't done correctly and knowing that cleaning out any cut usually caused a burning sensation, Harry went straight into the second spell when he completed the first. He recited the healing spell and tried his best to make the criss-crossing motions appear smooth and fluid.

Harry was shocked to see that the flesh around Snape's gash was slowly, albeit a bit sloppily, mending itself back together as though a doctor had done an erratic job with stitches. He could see a couple spots where little beads of blood were still oozing out and understood what Snape had said earlier about needing to perform the spell twice. He didn't waste any time going back over the entire line of the cut.

Sucking in a deep breath, Harry snapped his head up to search for Snape's dark gaze. He knew it wasn't the cleanest healing job in the world, but it had at least stopped the blood flow and hopefully Snape would have some cream to prevent any scarring. Now he just needed some type of affirmation from his mentor to know that he did alright.

When Snape's eyes looked up from the newly healed cut he got just that. The usually cold, distant orbs of Severus Snape were sparkling. If the situation weren't still a bit dire, Harry would have been tempted to throw himself at the professor and wrap his arms around the man in relief and happiness, even if it would be risking being hexed by said man.

Snape grabbed up the towel again and worked his way up his arm, removing more blood. "Move onto the next one, Harry," he directed and Harry did just that.

The second cut was cleaned and healed in a similar fashion to the first, needing two healing spells to completely seal the cut except for one small spot that wouldn't seem to stay closed. Ignoring that small spot, Harry didn't hesitate or look to Snape before moving onto the third gash, wanting to get the majority of the wounds closed before asking what he should do about that spot. The last cut healed in a much better line than the other two.

"Sir, how many times can I perform that spell?" Harry asked, in question to the small spot that was still bleeding.

"Two is the most you should do at a time," Snape answered tiredly. "Don't worry about that. I'll need to wrap each anyways because they all have the potential of reopening in the next twenty-four hours," he said as he moved to get up.

Harry applied a light pressure to Snape's hand that was still resting under his own and moved his wand hand in front of the professor's chest to stop him. "I'll get it. Is it in here," he asked quickly as he moved over to Snape's potion's cabinet.

It was a strange feeling to have Harry racing around, desperate to help him, and Severus wasn't exactly sure how to handle it still. His earlier reaction probably hadn't been the best when he nearly ripped the boy's head off for not going to bed like instructed. To make things worse, he all but demanded he perform two completely foreign spells. _No, not the best reaction_, he thought as he let his head fall back in exhaustion.

It probably took even more out of him to fight with Harry and the extra set of hands would speed everything up in properly bandaging each wound. He was still amazed at the job Harry had done with the healing spells. Yes, the mended skin wasn't a seamless line like Madame Pomfrey would have performed but the fact that he had successfully performed the spell at all was actually extraordinary.

"A blood replenishing potion also, if you could find one. Check the top shelf," Snape requested, finally giving in to the idea that he should just let Harry finish what was already started.

Harry snapped his head back over to Snape. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, he found himself staring at his professor with renewed worry. His chest and face were a deathly shade of white and the way his eyes were closed, Harry imagined he might pass out at any minute. There was still blood smeared all over the man's right side and he realized it was also smeared over a good portion of himself. He suppressed a shudder at that thought and quickly turned his attention back to the cabinet and the blood replenishing potion the professor obviously needed.

Dropping the gauze and bandages on the desk he handed Snape the vial and then quickly set to work wrapping each wound. His movements were stilled when Snape's free hand came to rest on his own.

"Harry, you did an excellent job," he said sincerely. He couldn't get over how much worry was evident in those emerald eyes and there was no doubt in Severus' mind that it was all for him. So even though he felt entirely ridiculous for saying it, he added, "I'm going to be fine."

Harry's head moved up and down slowly. He wasn't sure if Snape was going to try to send him to bed again before this was finished. "Let me just wrap this. It will be quicker if I just do it and I've done this sort of thing before, okay?" he asked while trying to sound a little assertive.

Harry was shocked when Snape simply nodded and released his hand in order to let him finish the job.

Severus closed his eyes and tried to relax even through the pain of the bandages being wrapped tightly around each wound. The light tremors were still racing through his body but he knew they should be gone by morning. His mind wandered to Harry's last statement. Of course the boy had done this before, probably on himself, countless times while living with the Dursleys. It made him scowl just thinking about it, but he tried not to let it show, not wanting Harry to think he was in more pain.

Harry was meticulously covering each newly healed wound with extremely gentle fingers. The care that the boy was putting into each movement prompted Severus to recall what Albus had said to him last night. _"Harry needs you and undoubtedly cares about you. And most importantly, you deserve that affection."_ But did he really deserve the compassion and kindness Harry was giving him now?

He couldn't help but think that Harry would make a great healer. He could see now that Harry's eyes shined with concern, but earlier the boy had put that aside and bravely stepped up to the tasks at hand. Severus was impressed with how Harry had handled himself under the pressure, but then again, that shouldn't have come as a shock. This was the child who defeated a fully trained Dark Arts Professor with an evil Dark Lord living in the back of his head, killed a Basilisk, fought off over one hundred dementors, and escaped from Voldemort and his myriad of Death Eaters all before the age of 15.

Severus realized he could definitely get used to this feeling of warmth in his heart. He knew Albus cared if he made it back from his meetings, and not just for the information he would have to report, but having someone actually waiting was an entirely different feeling.

Severus opened his eyes only to realize that Harry was already finished and was now currently studying his face. In fact, most of the blood on the floor and desk had been cleaned up, implying Severus had lost himself in his own thoughts for more than just a brief second like he intended.

"I recall telling you last night that you couldn't get rid of me that easily," Snape said, effectively lightening the mood as he watched a blush spread across Harry's cheeks. That at least confirmed that the boy remembered their entire conversation while Harry was drugged.

"Look, can we not fight over letting me help you upstairs?" Harry asked as Severus' eyebrows rose in unison over the bold question. "I know what it feels like to feel weak in front of someone else, but trust me, the last thing I would think was that you're weak."

Snape ignored the newest blunt comment Harry made to show how much he did in fact care. He wished he could just sleep in his current position, not that it would be comfortable, but he really had no desire to move. But the fact of the matter was that he was still shaking and probably would need a little help making it upstairs if he wanted to get there sometime tonight. Furthermore, Harry wouldn't be convinced to go to bed until he arrived there safely.

So with all wants aside, Snape gripped the arm of the chair firmly with his good hand and pushed himself up onto his feet while managing to silence most of the groan his body made in protest. Once he got his balance, he amazed Harry by reaching out and grabbing the boy's shoulder for support. No doubt the teen had expected him to put up more of a fight.

The pair slowly made their way upstairs in silence and finally stopped in front of Snape's closed door.

Severus wasn't used to saying so many praises and comforting words in one hour, but the look on Harry's face coupled with the amount of his own dried blood on the boy's clothing proved it was necessary.

He squeezed Harry's shoulder in what was meant to be a comforting gesture. "Harry," he started in a tired, hoarse voice.

"Sir, are you sure you're going to be alright?" Harry interrupted while gesturing towards the newly healed arm. His tone was still laced with concern.

"Harry, I'm fine. You did fine. Madame Pomfrey will go over it all tomorrow. The only thing we both need is some rest," Snape answered, speaking each phrase slowly.

Harry nodded his head slowly in an entirely unconvinced manner and Severus realized it might take more than a couple words to reassure the boy. His hand was still squeezing Harry's shoulder and before he realized what he was doing, he wrapped it around the other shoulder, pulling Harry in for a one armed hug.

It was all the prompting Harry needed and he immediately wrapped his own arms around the professor's waist as if he needed to double check that the man was still in one piece.

Severus inhaled a silent breath and let his eyes fall shut, just reveling in the moment and refusing to acknowledge what a terrible idea this was. It had been a long time since he felt this cared about.

But almost immediately after it began, Severus loosened his grip and Harry mimicked his actions until they were standing a few feet apart.

"Get some rest," Snape ordered, "and do not even think about putting up a silencing charm."

Harry smirked a tiny bit from hearing the stern voice he was used to. He gave a nod but was still having a hard time peeling his eyes away from the professor, worried that somehow he had missed some injury. After receiving a pointed glare, he finally turned and made his way towards his own room.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Hope it was worth the wait! Love and hugs for all you wonderful reviewers! -Mara


	26. Ch 26 Learning to be Honest

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** I'm still unbelievably shocked and awed at the response everyone is giving me. Thank you all for every single review, story alert, favorite story, etc. They mean so much to me. This chapter went through a major rewrite, hence the extremely late posting. Sorry, but I'm a perfectionist in a way and I just wasn't at all satisfied with the first version. Then I inadvertently made double the work for my beta's too. But that just goes to show you guys how dedicated my betas and I are to this story. :)

**Thanks for the extra work Jess and Stacy, and Kat for harassing me to keep writing. **

_From Before…_

_Harry smirked a tiny bit from hearing the stern voice he was used to. He gave a nod but was still having a hard time peeling his eyes away from the professor, worried that somehow he had missed some injury. After receiving a pointed glare, he finally turned and made his way towards his own room. _

**Ch 26 – Learning to be Honest**

Harry slept horribly, plagued with countless thoughts and questions about Snape's injuries. He didn't have any outright nightmares, but the tossing and turning had made for a very fitful sleep. Thus, he was extremely surprised to see the time read eight thirty when he finally awoke.

His immediate thought was that something had happened to Snape. The man would never let him oversleep. Harry felt like he was replaying the events from yesterday morning, leaping out of bed and grabbing his night robe to race downstairs.

And just like yesterday, Snape was sitting at the table sipping coffee, his crisp white button-up shirt hiding any evidence of an injury. The only thing that proved that last night wasn't a dream was the fact that his professor was currently using his left hand to hold his coffee mug.

Realizing that he had only mentally prepared for an injured Snape, Harry wasn't quite sure what to do now so he opted to stand awkwardly next to the table trying to diagnose whether Snape had already seen Madame Pomfrey.

"Perhaps you need to poke me to make sure I'm not a figment of your imagination?" Snape asked sarcastically, although it lacked the cutting tone he used to use with Harry.

Harry shook his head quickly. "Have you seen Madame Pomfrey?"

Snape gave the fidgeting boy a pointed glare before redirecting his eyes to the empty chair across from him. It only took a second for Harry to catch on and slide himself into the seat as a plate of eggs appeared before him.

"Poppy commended your work," Snape started to explain as Harry directed a sharp look to his covered arm. "Everything will be fully healed in a day or two. Do not think for a second that will excuse us from our training schedule."

Harry relaxed immediately and let out an amused snort at Snape's feigned strictness. The professor seemed a million times better than last evening and there was no hint the man had ever suffered from the Cruciatus curse.

"Would I be correct to assume you wouldn't be opposed to working in a few lessons on more healing spells?" Snape asked, watching Harry pick at his eggs.

"I think they would be good to know," Harry answered. "As long as you aren't planning on getting injured again and forcing me to do them while you're dying," he exaggerated with a cheeky grin.

"Harry," Snape took a deep breath and set down his coffee mug before continuing. "It was wrong of me to force you into that position. I was angry at my own weakness and took it out on you. It will not happen again."

"No!" Harry protested immediately. "I want to help if you need it. You could have bled to death if I wasn't there and for what, just because you were too stubborn to ask for help?"

Snape narrowed his eyes and Harry shut his mouth abruptly, assuming he had definitely stepped over the line with that last comment. But then, if he were already in trouble, he might as well go all the way.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't believe no one was there to help. How can Dumbledore send you to spy for him and then not even be available if you come back injured? He just expects you to fend for yourself? That's awful. And if I'm staying here for another month it's the least I can do," Harry rattled off in outrage.

Severus was glad Harry didn't stop speaking when he had glared at the boy. Harry had just revealed that he was upset on his behalf. He could have easily misconstrued Harry's first statement if the boy hadn't continued and Merlin knew the two of them needed as few misunderstandings as possible.

"I was trying to find another Anti-Cruciatus potion when you interrupted last night. I would have contacted Hogwarts myself. I assure you, my _stubbornness_ isn't that great," he smirked. "But, I could have handled the wounds the Muggle way until Poppy was available."

Harry's eyes glittered indignantly, not satisfied with that explanation in the least.

"However," Snape continued before Harry could protest again. "I have an emergency portkey if ever I deem the situation dire enough to use it and it would notify Albus immediately."

Harry's face relaxed a little before he furrowed his brow in frustration. "But that still means you don't trust me enough to help you?" he half asked, half stated. "Even after you demand that I trust you."

"I don't demand that you trust me Harry. I only hope that my actions prove now that you can," Snape said.

"And what about my actions, don't they prove anything?" Harry snapped back. He refused to drop Snape's gaze but sat rigidly under his professor's intense stare.

"Yes they do. However, you have enough on your plate for now and as an adult, my job is to minimize any added stress. BUT," Snape snapped, heading off any argument from Harry. "I can endeavor to put a little more trust in you if you can do the same for me."

Harry nodded his head slowly in agreement. "Okay."

"Wait! What would happen if you were unconscious or something?" Harry asked quickly.

Severus sighed internally. For a second he had thought they had escaped this conversation. "The portkey I have will activate on its own if I fall unconscious," he answered, leaving out the fact that most meeting places would have wards not allowing him to escape.

"Oh." Harry looked surprised at Snape's quick response and seemed to be struggling with whether to accept it. "So what happened last night? How did you get injured?" he asked boldly.

"I believe that would clearly fall into one of the categories that are off limits," Snape answered smoothly, pouring himself more coffee.

"I'm not a child!" Harry said angrily. "I know what Voldemort likes to do at his meetings. Hell, I was the guest of honor at one, and if you think I don't see everything in my nightmares anyway then you're wrong."

Severus was momentarily shocked by Harry's last statement and wondered if that meant the boy had more visions than he was aware of, but the surly man covered up the fact that someone might have slipped one by him by responding with his own anger.

"_Language_, Mr. Potter! And your own arguments just provide me with more reasons why you shouldn't hear about my own meetings."

Harry's cutlery clattered back to the table. "May I be excused?" he gritted out, not meeting Snape's eyes.

"Healing spells in the study in an hour," Snape answered curtly and with that, Harry quickly left the table.

-SS-

As he was throwing his pajamas in the hamper Harry paused to look for the bloody shirt from last night, but gratefully, Marla had already taken it to wash. He knew it would be futile to attempt to ask Snape how he got injured, but he just had to try. The man should realize he already had nightmares about Voldemort torturing people, namely Snape. The truth would probably be better than what his mind had already conjured up.

He pulled one of his older robes on since they would be brewing later. Maybe he could get Snape to do the questions and answers thing again like that other night. If he agreed to be a little more open, maybe the professor would return the favor.

He was still thinking up ideas when he finally made it down stairs to meet the professor, but he slowed his movements as he rounded the stairs. He could hear Snape talking to someone in the study and it only took a second for Harry to recognize the soft voice of the Headmaster.

-SS-

"Severus, please humor an old man and just let me take a look at your arm," Dumbledore said, standing only a few feet from Snape.

"As previously stated, there is no need. Poppy has already checked it over and rewrapped everything," Snape said in an exasperated tone.

Dumbledore gazed at Snape over his half-moon spectacles with concern evident in his eyes. "I apologize for not being there when Harry called. You would have used the portkey, would you not?" he chastised.

Severus rolled his eyes at the elder wizard. "I do know what it's for, Albus," Snape said sarcastically.

"Voldemort was angry about the Grangers I presume?" Dumbledore asked.

Snape gave a small nod.

"Was that the only reason for his anger? It seems to have been directed quite specifically," The elder wizard said as he gazed at Snape's dominant hand.

"The Dark Lord seemed… suspicious," Severus said cryptically.

"We anticipated that he would question you about the Grangers. Did he mention something else?" Dumbledore asked.

"No. His actions were simply a little more unsettling than usual."

"Severus, if there is reason to be concerned, I meant what I said the other day about formulating another plan," Dumbledore said sincerely.

"I'm sure I set his mind at ease," Severus said in dismissal, although he wasn't entirely sure of that himself.

Albus knew better than to argue with the stubborn potion's master at this stage in the game, but if things escalated, he would step in. "How are things with Harry? Have you made any progress?"

"There has been very little chance to speak with him about the abuse. Too many other things have demanded both of our attention," Severus said in frustration. "A month is not much time to work with, especially with all that needs to be accomplished. He's never going to want to tell anyone, let alone Black."

A tiny noise from the hall caught Severus' ear and he realized that he had foolishly allowed this conversation to take place when Harry could walk in at any moment. Of course this would be the one time the brat was early and had conveniently taken the chance to listen at the door.

With a flick of his wrist, the study doors swung open to reveal a stunned Harry Potter standing in the hall. His expression quickly changed though as he squared his jaw, prepared for the argument he obviously knew was going to ensue.

"Why don't _you_ tell him? You obviously had no problem discussing _everything_ with the headmaster," Harry growled, his indignant eyes set firmly on Severus to avoid looking at the headmaster.

"And I see that when I deny you the information you desire, Potter, you take to sneaking around," Snape said with a venomous glare, angry that Harry had overheard the entire conversation about the Dark Lord.

"My apologies for arriving on time and interrupting your session of discussing how to get yourself killed and Harry Potter's mental health!" Harry yelled.

"My boys," Dumbledore cut in warmly, hoping to head off the explosion.

Both younger wizards' eyes snapped to the Headmaster but in an instant Harry spun on his heel and disappeared from the doorway, leaving Snape and Dumbledore staring after him.

"That boy will be the death of me," Severus muttered.

Dumbledore let out a light chuckle. "But he cares about you Severus. Certainly even you can recognize how precious that is?"

There were a lot of things Severus could think of to retort with, but there was no sense in getting into the same arguments with Albus over and over again. He didn't think he would ever be able to accept that he deserved Harry's care or concern, but he was doing a pretty horrible job of showing anything in return. It wasn't even noon and he had managed to lose his temper twice and it certainly didn't escape his attention the way Harry cringed when he was referred to as _Potter_.

"Well, I will let you return to your training. I'm sure there is much to be done and much to talk about," Dumbledore said with a knowing glint in his eye.

"Yes, run away," Severus sneered.

With another chuckle and a pat to Severus' good arm, Dumbledore took his leave.

-SS-

With a little help from Marla and after already checking Harry's room, Severus found the boy outside sitting under one of the large weeping willow trees in the front yard. His broom was lying next to him and by the flushed face, Severus surmised that he had already taken a couple quick laps around the property.

Harry didn't look up as Severus approached, but it was obvious by the way the boy tensed his shoulders that he was aware of his professor's presence.

"Are you prepared to have a civil conversation?" Snape asked.

"It's not like I have any say in the matter," Harry said bitterly.

"Did you really believe I could not tell the headmaster?" Snape asked, trying to keep the incredulous tone out of his voice.

There was a long pause before Harry answered. He didn't even know why he was really so mad. Snape was right, he did know somewhere in his head that the professor had to tell Dumbledore about the abuse, if no one else. Maybe it was because he was still afraid Dumbledore had known all along and done nothing. That seemed more and more likely to him since Snape had told Dumbledore a month ago and the headmaster still hadn't talked to him about it.

"Well even if I thought you would, I didn't know it would be a casual topic like the weather," he said.

"The weather?" Severus yelled out without thinking and dropped down to crouch in front of the boy. He immediately regretted the sudden movement and sharp tone when Harry flinched and found an interesting patch of grass to pick at on his other side.

The fact that those blasted muggles had made this usually brave, young Gryffindor fearful of adults made his blood boil and then to think _'THE WEATHER?_' _Harry honestly thought he and Albus didn't take the abuse seriously? _He reached out ever so slowly to grab Harry's chin and tilt his head back.

"Number one, have I ever hit you?" he asked. He couldn't erase all the anger from his tone over that idea, but he held Harry's gaze.

"No, sir," Harry answered trying to shake his head free of Snape's grasp. When that wasn't possible, he settled for dropping his eyes downward. "I never said I thought you would."

"No, but you flinched and it is not the first time," Severus responded quickly. "I understand after everything you have been through that that is a valid response, but I want to make it very clear that I will never raise a hand to you. And although I cannot take back the years of verbal attacks I've accosted you with, I hope to avoid that as well in the future," he said sincerely.

When no answer was forthcoming from Harry, Severus continued. "Number two, neither myself nor the headmaster consider the abuse you have been through to be anything as simple as _the weather_," he said, sneering the last word. "I apologize if you feel I have betrayed your trust, but it was not something I could keep from him. I assure you, I will not tell anyone else but I assumed you understood he of all people would need to know."

"As if he didn't already know," Harry mumbled, finally bringing his own hand up to Snape's wrist to wrestle out of the man's grip and turn his head away.

Severus allowed Harry to turn away but now refused to let go of the boy's hand. "I know we failed you, but the headmaster did not know. The admission letters are sent out magically. The headmaster never sees the actual destinations, just a list of students," Severus explained.

Harry knew he should be relieved at this news and he was, but there was still a part of him that felt conflicted. He knew it was awful to think, but just couldn't help it. If the headmaster had known and never did anything it would let Harry's own conscience off the hook for never telling anyone.

"I want to make sure you also understand that I by no means blame you for not telling anyone. My comment the other night was not intended the way you took it and I'm sorry I wasn't more careful with my words," Snape stated calmly although on the inside it was extremely difficult to let another apology fall from his lips. "It's all right if you never told anyone," Severus lied, knowing Harry had told at least one person.

_How does he always know what I'm thinking?_ Harry wondered closing his eyes.

"I did," Harry said quietly, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth.

"And you were let down," Snape prodded, purposely enunciating the sentence as a statement rather than a question.

"A teacher in primary school asked once," Harry said indifferently. "It was the first time anyone inquired about a bruise. I was surprised she even thought it was weird so I replied a little too candidly, I guess."

Severus watched Harry's bowed head diligently, hoping the boy would chance a glance up, but he did not.

"She set up an appointment with the school nurse and then I felt uncomfortable explaining anything further because I realized Uncle Vernon would be really angry with me if he found out. I didn't think if I was completely honest there would be a chance I never had to go back to the Dursley's. They spent a lot of time reminding me that if they hadn't taken me in I would be in an awful orphanage. Like any five year old, I was petrified of being sent to an orphanage," Harry said as his head snapped up while he spoke the last comment.

Severus watched Harry's eyes widen in alarm at the realization he just confirmed how young he was when the physical abuse began. Outwardly, the potion's master appeared completely unfazed by the age admission and immediately placated Harry's fears. "That would be a very normal reaction."

Harry dropped his eyes and began fidgeting with some long blades of grass. "Well, Dudley reported to my uncle that I had gone to the nurse. He was furious and…" He wasn't sure if he was ready to admit the next part even if Snape had already seen a very similar situation.

"Locked you in the cupboard," Snape finished matter-of-factly, thinking along the same lines as Harry.

Harry continued on with the story as if Snape's statement had been his own. "The teacher kept questioning me the rest of the week, but I refused to say anything further. Then on Friday there was a social worker type woman at the house when I got home from school, but if looks could kill, I would have been dead on the spot if I dared say anything," he tried to joke.

Severus didn't find the situation funny, but understood Harry's need to make light of the whole situation. He was actually quite amazed Harry had gone into such detail with the story and wondered briefly if last night's incident had anything to do with his honesty.

"Anyway, I learned quickly that it was better not to say anything to anyone," Harry finished, ripping out even more clumps of grass. "I guess I thought if I was good and behaved, following all the rules, things would get better rather than worse. I was an idiot," he berated himself.

"No Harry, you were a child who should not have been in such a situation to begin with," Snape argued instantly. "And no one else bothered to ask later?" he questioned, going back to the original topic.

"Here and there, but I would never admit anything. Vernon was careful not to leave anything too visible unless it was the summer when I could stay out of sight. Dudley helped too," he replied nonchalantly.

"Dudley helped?" Snape questioned.

"Everyone knew Dudley was a bully. Him and his gang's favorite activity was _Harry Hunting_," he sneered. "It wasn't a stretch to think that's why I had a bruise here or there."

Severus could see right through Harry's attempt to make light of the extent of his injuries, but he was more appalled at the idea that the cousin had a name for his bullying. Although the Marauders never titled it, Severus could now understand even better why Harry was so revolted by their actions.

Harry hoped he hadn't sounded too pathetic and was proud of himself for how steadily he had gotten through that explanation. He was extremely grateful it was over, but now, against his better judgment, he had to ask Snape something else. "You're still going to force me to tell Sirius?" he half asked, half stated.

"Again, I'm not going to _force_ you to talk to anyone. I do hope to convince you eventually that it would help if you spoke with your godfather about everything," Snape said.

"There's not really anything to talk about. I don't understand why you think it's so important," Harry mumbled.

Severus inhaled a deep breath, willing himself not to lose his patience. It wouldn't be fair to take his anger towards the Dursleys out on Harry, but the more he heard the more he wanted to rip the entire family limb from limb. And the casual remarks the boy made coupled with the pain he could clearly see in Harry's eyes only served to stir up memories from Severus' own past.

"Harry, you and I both know there is plenty to talk about. Let's at least admit that much. I'm not going to force you to tell anyone else before you are ready, so put that out of your mind and stop worrying about it unnecessarily. However, be honest with me. Why are you opposed to telling your godfather?" he asked in a much calmer manner than he felt.

Harry tried his best to calm his racing heart by taking a few breaths. Could he just be honest with Snape? What difference did it make since the man promised not to tell anyone else? Just because he admitted this to Snape didn't mean the man would convince him to talk to Sirius. Things could stay the way they were and everything would be okay.

"He thinks I'm so much like my father, but he'll be disappointed when he finds out how weak I am," he admitted.

"Harry," Severus said slowly. "You are not weak. You were an innocent child with no means to defend yourself. And as for your father…" As much as it pained Severus to speak of James Potter in a decent light he knew it had to be done. "He grew up in a loving home. There is no telling how he would have acted faced with the life you grew up with, but I would wager my wand that he would have done just as you have. Although I find it hard to believe anyone could have been as strong as you are."

"But I'm a wizard and he is just a muggle… I should have been able to protect myself or I should have told someone, but I was too scared," Harry answered, still focused on blaming himself.

Severus was getting extremely frustrated with having to repeat himself a million times, but knew it wouldn't help if he wasn't patient with Harry. "You've been conditioned to believe you are to blame, but that needs to stop. Your godfather will not think you were weak."

"It doesn't matter," Harry retorted quickly. "He'll still treat me differently, like he has to tiptoe around me or something."

"Have I treated you differently? Have I tiptoed around you?" Severus asked, hoping Harry would see the shift in their relationship as something different than just pity.

"Yes!" Harry snapped.

"In an unpleasant way?" Severus asked and when Harry didn't immediately answer, he continued on. "Have I acted as though I think you're weak?"

"No," Harry conceded. If anything, the change in his professor was a wonderful thing. He never had someone act like they cared quite as much as Snape seemed to be doing this summer.

"I'm not expecting you to rush off and speak with Black. What I am expecting though, is that you give this a lot of thought. If I of all people do not blame you nor think you are weak, why do you think your godfather would? Just consider it," Severus said.

"All right," Harry whispered, chancing a glance over at the professor. His hand was still firmly covered by Snape's and the pressure had felt surprisingly reassuring throughout the entire conversation.

"Good," Snape said, rising to his feet and pulling Harry with him. "Why don't we squeeze in a few healing spells before lunch?"

Harry grabbed his broom and followed the professor indoors, actually a little more at ease after their discussion.

-SS-

_TBC… _

Ugh, Sorry it took forever but as a birthday present to me, you could leave me a review. :) -Mara


	27. Ch 27 A Door Wouldn't Stop Me

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews and Birthday Wishes! Sorry for the longer update times. Work and beautiful weather got in the way.

**Thanks to my wonderful betas, Jess and Stacy. **

_From Before…_

_Harry grabbed his broom and followed the professor indoors, actually a little more at ease after their discussion_.

**Ch 27- A Door Wouldn't Stop Me**

Snape did an excellent job of taking Harry's mind off the Dursleys the rest of the day. They focused first on more healing spells. With the effects of the Cruciatus gone, Severus was free to demonstrate most spells with his left hand. The only thing definitely off the table for the day would be dueling.

After lunch they made their way down to the lab and Severus couldn't help but smirk to himself thinking the Dark Lord hadn't prevented him from his task since he had Harry here to help. The boy had become quite proficient at most of the potions he needed to stock for the infirmary, having practiced them so many times. And even with a complicated potion, Harry performed well if Severus was there to give detailed instructions.

He knew Harry was dreading Occlumency lessons and by dinner they would need to broach the subject of their last session. Severus thought it was a good thing Harry had finally released a memory of the more blatant abuse and just hoped the month they still had would be enough to get through to him.

-SS-

Sitting down to dinner, Severus wasted no time in attacking another topic he had been concerned about since Harry overheard his discussion with the headmaster earlier.

"Let us put something behind us once and for all," Snape said leveling his penetrating gaze with Harry's.

Once he was sure he had the boy's utmost attention he continued. "Harry, sacrifices need to be made and it is not your place to question my actions."

"I understand that sir," Harry interrupted. He knew exactly where this conversation was going after his little spying and outburst. "But I'm not going to apologize for wanting you to stop being a spy. If Voldemort found out somehow it would be a suicide mission for you to go back," he said evenly, holding his ground.

"And you do not trust my abilities to recognize that?" Severus asked snidely.

Harry had the decency to blush a little. He hadn't meant to insinuate that his professor wasn't smart enough to recognize when the situation turned dangerous, only that he felt the entire thing was dangerous. He hated having witnessed Voldemort attacking his friend's families and knowing Snape went there willingly to be tortured was too awful to think about without trying to stop it.

"This conversation needs to be dropped. I appreciate your concern, but as the adult, I understand the risks I take. I will repeat this only one last time. I do not need my actions questioned by you," Severus said firmly.

Harry didn't know what to say in return. He didn't want to start another argument with the professor, but he also didn't think he could change his feelings on this.

Harry's lack of response was a clear act of noncompliance in Severus' eyes. "I will not tolerate this disrespect any longer," he said menacingly.

"It's not disrespect," Harry answered heatedly. "I'm just worried."

But it wasn't that Harry was just worried, it was that Harry was worried _about him_, Severus realized. This was exactly why he never should have allowed him and Harry to get even remotely close. Although he couldn't deny the idea gave him a wonderful feeling. Not that it showed on his face however, as he gave Harry a pointed glare.

"Look, I will try my best," Harry answered honestly, still hoping to avoid the argument that was slowly brewing.

"And I wouldn't expect anything less," Severus smirked, impressed to see Harry concede even if it were only a little.

Harry tried to eat as much as possible after that, but finally resigned to sipping his tea, too nervous about the activities to take place when dinner was finished. All the earlier talk about his relatives did little to help convince him that another memory of Uncle Vernon wouldn't come up again.

"I understand you would have had little to no time to practice any of the Occlumency techniques from your books over the last few days," Snape said. "You did, however, have a breakthrough during our last session."

Harry clutched his tea cup with both hands. He liked the warmth he could feel seeping through the porcelain. "I don't know how I did it though," he finally answered.

"What were you thinking towards the end of the memory?" Snape asked.

Harry inhaled the steam rising from his tea and darted his eyes around the room trying to decide what the best answer would be.

"Honestly," Snape added seeing Harry hesitate. "We won't make any progress unless you are completely truthful with me."

Harry's emerald eyes locked with Snape's for a long silent moment as he tried to decide how much he actually trusted the man. "I didn't want you to see that memory. I was trying to fight it at first but then it kept playing and it was like I got sucked in. It felt like I was actually back there," Harry said distantly.

"And what changed at the end when you did force me out?" Snape encouraged.

"I don't know," Harry said, shaking his head and glancing up at Snape.

Severus let his eyes fall shut for a moment. He was frustrated with himself for being unsure how to proceed. Getting Harry to master Occlumency was a necessity they were currently failing at. Harry needed to analyze his own mind in order to improve, but the last thing he needed was for Severus to push him like he would have in the past before he knew so much about the boy.

"You're disappointed in me," Harry said quietly, snapping Snape out of his own musings.

"No," Snape replied simply, unsure of how to rectify the look Harry obviously caught on his face.

"It's ok. You don't have to spare my feelings. I can't learn Occlumency to save my life," Harry said. "Which will probably end up being true," he added with a bitter laugh.

"There is no reason you shouldn't be able to master Occlumency, but even if you don't we will work around it. My greatest concern has nothing to do with the war and everything to do with the fact that you still blame yourself for all the abuse you've suffered," Snape said, clearly startling Harry if the wide eyes were anything to go by.

Harry didn't respond but continued to stare at his professor, analyzing everything he could have meant by that statement.

"Perhaps tonight's Occlumency lesson will provide another example for you to analyze when you successfully block me out. The sooner you discover a pattern, the sooner you will realize your own key for mastering this form of magic," Snape said.

Harry was surprised Snape acted so confident that he would succeed tonight, but bobbed his head in understanding.

"And keep in mind that you have nothing to be embarrassed about in any of the memories that might come up," Snape added before they made their way to the study.

-SS-

Severus breezed through memories with only the smallest of constant resistance from Harry. He could tell when he came upon a memory Harry might find embarrassing that the resistance would increase, but he would skip over that memory as soon as he discovered it was nothing consequential. He needed to find something big enough that Harry would put up a real fight.

They had already been at it for almost a half hour with Harry falling to the floor in exhaustion countless times. Severus didn't particularly enjoy putting Harry through this, especially after the memories of last night came up and he could see just how frightened Harry had actually been, but he knew it was all essential.

Just when Severus was beginning to think tonight would not show a repeat of Harry's success, a memory came up that caught his eye.

_A small, scrawny boy with messy dark hair was being dragged into the house Severus recognized as four Privet Drive. He looked to be no older than eight. The large man doing the dragging had an obviously painful grip on the child's bicep, but the boy made no sound of being in pain until he was thrown forcefully to the floor in the hall by the stairs. _

"_You little FREAK!" Vernon bellowed. "Making a fool of me and your aunt, you ungrateful little wretch!" He moved closer to the cowering boy with every word until he was towering over Harry, who had already brought his hands up to cover his face. _

_Vernon grabbed Harry by the arms and lifted him with ease before slamming him into the wall with a painful crash. "This is how you repay us after everything we've done for you? Explain yourself!" he shouted while shaking Harry roughly, causing the pictures hanging on the wall to rattle. _

"_I-I'm sorry. I don't – I don't know what happened," Harry stuttered through a shaky breath, but his apology was cut off mid sentence when Vernon back-handed him across the cheek. The blow sent his head careening to the side until it came into contact with the wall and his glasses smashed into the side of his face. He was whimpering now but trying his best not to cry. _

"_You don't know?" Vernon sneered in outrage. He was still holding Harry in place with one hand while the other worked to pull his belt from its loops. _

"_I'm sorry. Please don't," Harry pleaded more forcefully when he realized what his uncle was doing, but it didn't deter the man. He was pushed roughly towards the stairs where his hands caught himself on the third step before his head would have smashed into them. _

_Vernon grabbed the back of Harry's giant t-shirt and wrenched it over the child's head before demanding he drop his pants as well. _

_Severus had a hard time watching Vernon Dursley litter Harry's back with red stripes from the belt, but it was even worse hearing what the man was saying. _

"_Maybe," Vernon shouted as the belt landed against Harry's skin, "you will learn to behave." Another crack. "And MAYBE. If you earn it. You will deserve to be treated like Dudley." Each phrase punctuated by the sound of the belt and a whimper of pain from Harry. _

_Vernon Dursley continued on like that with each blow, implying that Harry wouldn't get punished anymore if he just tried a little harder. _

_Finally as the little cupboard door slammed shut, Severus felt himself being forcefully driven out of Harry's mind. _

Staring at the present-day Harry, Severus could see the boy shaking and taking deep breaths. Just as Harry had explained earlier, the boy became consumed with the memory and unable to take any action until it was over. Severus theorized that Harry would never be able to master Occlumency until he mastered his own feelings on this abuse.

"Harry," Severus said gently as he watched Harry rub his hands vigorously over his face.

"I don't want to talk about it," Harry spoke from behind his hands.

"I understand that, but the memory is not going to go away no matter how much you try to ignore it," Snape said.

"Just not tonight. Please," Harry said in a tone very similar to his eight-year old self from the memory they both just witnessed.

It was for that reason that Severus gave in. "It's against my better judgment. You will never be completely prepared to face this, but it needs to be done."

"But I told you a lot already this morning," Harry retorted defensively.

"Yes," Snape agreed stepping towards Harry as the teen took an instinctive step back.

Harry was surprised that Snape was staring at him with a sad look similar to one he'd seen Dumbledore use, but he refused to beg again. If Snape forced the issue he would stand tall and face it, but finally Snape gave him a small nod, allowing him to flee the room.

-SS-

Harry got out of the shower long after the water had run cold, but rather than putting on pajamas, he slipped back into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He had no intention of going to sleep tonight.

Spreading out on his bed with a pile of Occlumency books he tried not to think about everything, but the memories of his uncle refused to go away. He knew Snape was probably right and he should talk about it and get it over with, but without hard proof it would work he was reluctant to open up like that.

Somewhere through the night, Harry had transitioned from academic books to his potions journal, to Quidditch books, and eventually got out his photo album in an attempt to stay awake.

The current situation Harry found himself in gave him an interesting new perspective when reliving some of those events from his past. Up until Hogwarts, Harry had never really considered his life to be that abnormal. Of course he recognized the huge discrepancy between how he and Dudley were treated, but other than that he had very few examples of normal families. Then he met the Weasleys, who seemed to accept him instantly and he realized how genuine parents should treat their children. But that still hadn't cleared up Harry's misconceptions. Actually, it only furthered the idea that Harry's parents were gone and he would never have that.

Until this summer, Harry thought, looking at the note from Snape.

He had spent many hours over the last few years staring at the few photos of the two people that had truly loved him, even if it was only for a year of his life, but now Harry found himself drawn to the little note Snape wrote.

The man healed him instead of causing pain and even offered a simple headache cure without any request. He bought Harry proper clothing from exquisite robes to simple t-shirts and pants, all of which actually fit. He made sure Harry ate properly and got enough sleep. He even put up with the nightmares and woke Harry from them, offering to talk about it.

Harry was finally starting to admit to himself how horrible things were with his uncle and the whole thing seemed freshly painful. How come no one helped him before? And the headmaster must have known something. Harry may have stopped arguing with Snape over that one, but he still wasn't convinced.

The most important thing that stood out in Harry's mind was that Snape hadn't been deterred by any of his admissions. His uncle had always impressed upon him the idea that no one would want a freak like him. Although the Weasleys and Sirius acted like they wanted him, they didn't know the truth about his past. But Snape did and he was still here. That must count for something right? Harry just needed to find out if there was some ulterior motive.

-SS-

Severus bolted upright in bed holding his breath to listen into the silence. Something had woken him, but now he couldn't be sure the scream hadn't just been a part of his dream. Straining his ears for a few minutes only convinced him that the manor was eerily quiet.

It didn't matter, he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep without checking on Harry to put his mind at ease. _Merlin, when had that change occurred?_

As Severus made his way into the hall it was abundantly clear that something was amiss. Strange moans and muffled yells could be heard and he picked up his pace. He slipped inside Harry's room without knocking and instantly found his fears confirmed.

Harry was curled up on the bed still fully clothed, struggling against some unseen attacker amidst papers and books. Severus approached quietly and instantly recognized the potion's journal he gave the boy among the school texts. Even closer to Harry was a photo album lying open.

He was moving immediately to the boy's side but something in the album made him pause. In between all the photos from Harry's brief year of happiness with a true family was that little note Severus had left with the pain potion. He couldn't help but notice how carefully the slip of paper was placed as though it belonged right in the midst of Harry's most precious memories.

Severus was startled from the train of thought the note stirred up by a small whimper escaping the teen on the bed. He would have to think on it later as there were more important matters that needed his attention now.

Harry looked so much like a child from this position and Severus' heart ached at the scenarios that might be playing through his head at the current moment.

"Harry," he spoke in a quiet, slow tone. "It's Professor Snape. You're dreaming."

Harry shook his head while mumbling something incomprehensible to the potion's master.

"Harry," he tried again while cautiously extending his left hand to touch Harry's forehead. "Listen to me. It's only a dream."

The tiniest gesture of brushing the boy's hair away from his face seemed to calm him and for a second Severus imagined Harry might just fall back into peaceful sleep, but not tonight. He must have stilled his hand for a second too long and in that instant Harry had returned to thrashing back and forth on the bed.

Instinctively, Severus latched on to one of Harry's flailing limbs while he repeated the calming words he had been speaking earlier, but now they fell on deaf ears. Harry continued his struggle and Snape let out a sharp hiss when the boy managed to grasp his injured arm.

With a pop Harry's eyes shot open and he scuttled away from the professor towards the other side of the bed. He was positive it was a hiss of pain, but had no idea where he was or who he was with, which left the very distinct possibility that he was at the Dursleys and just committed a serious infraction. Of course if his brain had been able to function properly and wasn't clouded by the recent nightmare he would have realized the bed he was now falling from would not have been found in his relative's home.

Severus gritted his teeth at the wave of pain that shot through his newly healing arm and held his tongue against the expletives he wished to spew until he was positive nothing would be reflected in his voice.

"Harry. You're safe here," Severus said clearly.

Harry was on the floor backed against the wall trying to catch his breath. He couldn't see the figure the voice belonged to, but he recognized that it didn't seem to be hostile. He tried to keep focusing on what it was saying because it wouldn't have been the first time he had been fooled by something like that.

"Snape?" Harry finally realized, not intending to have said it out loud. "Professor," he added. He really needed to get out of the habit of forgetting the man's title, but for now he was just working on calming his racing heart. He was startled when Snape responded from much closer this time. He must have walked around the bed and was now standing off to Harry's right.

"Harry, would it be alright if I approach?" Snape asked.

"I'm fine," Harry answered automatically.

Severus wasn't sure if that meant yes, he could approach without startling him or no, there was no need. "I would prefer that you erase that phrase from your vocabulary."

"Yeah, just like you were fine last night," Harry snapped without looking over.

Severus couldn't deny the boy's point and smirked for a brief second at the fact that at least Harry wasn't cowering in defeat.

"You're arm!" Harry exclaimed while quickly craning his neck to scrutinize Snape even though a second ago he was avoiding any type of eye contact. "Oh no! Did I – did I do something?"

Severus took the time to walk closer and crouch in front of Harry. "You inadvertently grabbed onto my arm, but no damage was done," he said.

"But you…" Harry heard the hiss of pain, but didn't want to offend his professor.

"The unexpected movement startled me, but I assure you, it is fine now," Snape said, keeping his face as unreadable as ever.

Harry gave the professor a skeptical look, but didn't push the issue any further.

"I believe some tea would do you some good," Snape said simply, extending his hand to help Harry rise off the floor. It was ignored.

"So we can have a little therapy session?" Harry added sarcastically.

"If certain topics were discussed it may make you feel better, but you're not required to do so," Snape said. "However, you seem to be slightly more relaxed having gotten some things off your chest."

"Then why are the nightmares getting worse?" Harry asked bitterly.

"I have a few theories," Snape answered evenly, intrigued to know the nightmares had gotten worse.

Harry's eyes widened in surprise and for a second he forgot that he was attempting to be defensive. "Is it ever going to stop?" he asked in a very small voice.

"I believe so, for the most part, but only if you confront this head on. I know how easy it is to want to just sweep this under the rug," Snape said.

Harry contemplated the potion's master and his theories for a moment before responding. "I'd rather not," he said in regards to the offer for tea and turned his head away.

The boy's abrupt change surprised Severus even though it shouldn't have. When he was the same age and anyone asked, for a second the idea of having someone care was wonderful, but in the next instant he would realize it wouldn't last and he would only be embarrassed.

"It will help, Harry," Snape said.

"Why do you care?" the boy-who-lived snapped.

"Does it matter why as long as I'm here?" Snape asked, staring openly at Harry's wide emerald eyes.

"Of course it matters!" Harry yelled. "It matters if you're not going to stick around! If you're not going to be there later then I don't need you now!" He leapt to his feet pushing past the professor still on the floor, although he wasn't entirely sure where he was planning on going.

"I'm not leaving you," Snape said loudly. He hadn't moved aside from pivoting to still keep an eye on Harry.

The words stopped the teenager dead in his tracks and all the emotions from the dream mixed with what Snape was saying now were beginning to be too much for him. How many times was he going to look like a pathetic, emotional fool in front of this man? He could feel the moisture forming in the corners of his eyes and he squeezed them shut taking deep breaths.

Severus stared at Harry's back hoping the child wouldn't flee the room quite yet.

"Whatever _this_ is," Harry said shakily while gesturing with his hands, "that we're doing here. I'm not a fool to think it will last. Things will go back to the way they were eventually." He left out the part where he would be devastated when that happened, but it didn't matter because Snape could hear it in his voice.

"I am nothing if not a man of my word, Harry," Snape said startling the boy since he had quietly crossed the distance between them and now was standing directly behind him. He placed a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder and was rewarded when the shaky teen turned to face him. "I have no intention of going back to the way things were. That is not to say that we won't have a certain part to play in front of specific company, but it will be only that, a part to play."

Before Severus knew it, Harry was wrapped around his midsection leaning his head against Severus' chest. The potion's master was amazed at how much he was beginning to enjoy these acts of affection from Harry although he would never admit it and wrapped his own good arm around the boy's shoulders. It was the type of comfort he always wished his own father would have provided for him and that he only ever received from Albus Dumbledore on the few occasions he actually lost his composure when he turned from the Dark Lord.

"Sorry," Harry mumbled, pulling away after a minute, clearly embarrassed.

Severus kept his hand on Harry's shoulder to let him know he had nothing to apologize for. "I think you could use some tea," he said, guiding Harry downstairs to the study.

Once they settled on the couch Severus conjured up the tea set and poured them both a cup.

Harry had to admit he did like the tea that had become their custom at these little impromptu therapy sessions. Not only was the flavor and aroma calming, but the warmth against his hands was a wonderful sensation to focus on when he didn't want to focus on the memories in his head.

Severus gave the boy a few minutes to gather his thoughts before he began speaking. "Would you like to talk about the nightmare?"

"You really think that would help?" Harry asked seriously. He was curled up on the couch as far from Snape as possible, clutching the tea cup with both hands between his knees which were drawn in to his chest. Every few seconds he would blow across the surface of his tea watching the steam swirl.

"I do," Snape answered, casually sipping from his own cup. He had his own body angled slightly towards Harry in a very open gesture. He really had no idea what he was doing, but was trying his best to seem as approachable as possible, which was quite difficult to do when you were Severus Snape.

Harry was fighting an inner battle. It actually seemed inviting to get some of the nightmares off his chest, but this last one had contained Snape and Harry was a bit embarrassed to admit that to his professor. The problem was Snape would know he was leaving something out and might not force him to admit everything but he would still be disappointed. Harry was finding more and more that he hated the idea of having Snape disappointed in him now that he had started to get a little respect from the man.

"It was strange. It kept skipping around. I was at the Dursleys," Harry explained.

Seeing Snape nod his head, he continued. "First I was cooking breakfast… then I was cleaning the kitchen floor."

Severus didn't comment but had a suspicion that Harry trailed off in that one part because something more occurred in the dream around breakfast. Most likely it was the fact that although Harry cooked, he probably didn't receive anything to eat. "Were these typical activities while you lived there?" he asked instead.

"Yes, but then all these women my aunt knew kept showing up. They each had some horrible hair color like bright pink or blue." Harry could see Snape giving him an intrigued look. "I accidentally changed one of my teacher's hair colors and that was what my uncle was so angry about in that memory," he elaborated.

"How did your uncle know you were responsible for the change in hair color?" Snape asked.

"They knew there was something wrong with me before I did," Harry said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Harry, there is nothing wrong with you and never was," Snape said firmly.

"I meant the magic," Harry said, closing his eyes.

"I understand that, but you seem to be under the impression that you committed wrongs and were being legitimately punished by your uncle," Snape elaborated.

"I know now that you don't really have any control over accidental magic when you're a child," he said.

"Harry," Snape said slowly. "It would be alright to admit that you haven't truly convinced yourself of that." He was greeted with silence. Harry appeared to be giving his words a lot of thought but refused to comment.

"What happened next in the dream?" Snape asked, trying to continue the conversation.

"My uncle came in yelling about all the racket…"

"And he hurt you like he did in the real memory?" Snape prodded.

Harry swallowed and stared at the top of his tea. He could tell his own body was shaking from the tiny bit of movement in the surface of the liquid. "Yeah."

It irked Severus, to say the least, that Harry rarely said 'yes'. Instead he would choose the informal 'yeah' as if the whole thing was some casual everyday activity. Severus scrutinized Harry's face. It looked as though the boy wanted to say something more and he had a feeling that wasn't the end of the dream. Harry had been screaming before he got into the room and then had calmed down and even looked content for a second before resorting back to the screams.

"What else happened?" he asked, hoping that would be a good enough starting point. Severus watched Harry cringe and close his eyes while biting his lip. Perhaps the dream had been far worse than he thought, although the memory had already seemed bad enough to him.

"_You_ were standing outside the kitchen window," Harry whispered finally.

_Oh._

"And what was I doing?" Snape asked, not sure if he really wanted to know the answer. He would be extremely angry with himself if Harry had begun having nightmares about the other night when he returned home bleeding, but Severus was afraid it might break his own heart if Harry thought he would watch or partake in any of his abuse without trying to stop it.

"You were trying to get in to stop him, but the door wouldn't open," Harry continued in his whispered tone.

Severus let out a breath of relief. This he could certainly work with. The other scenarios would mean even more work than he had originally predicted and he didn't know if the one remaining month of summer would have been enough. Even with their current situation, he was hoping and praying this final month would be enough time to make an impact on Harry's erroneous beliefs.

"That would never happen," Snape said as Harry startled and snapped his eyes up to meet the professor's. "A door wouldn't be able to stop me."

Severus wished he had someone who could analyze the dream for him. Did it mean Harry was viewing him as some sort of protector or rather that he expected Severus to continue to fail him?

"You must think I'm crazy," Harry finally spoke up.

"I think you are reacting the only way you know how based on what you have been forced to live through," Snape said seriously.

"Sir, can I ask you a question?" Harry asked tentatively.

Snape nodded his head in the affirmative.

Harry darted his eyes down to stare at his own hands linked around his tea cup. "Well I didn't really notice it at the time, but – the other day you said something about you learning it wasn't your fault either. Did I hear you correctly?" he asked slowly moving his eyes back up to Snape's face.

Severus had wondered if Harry heard that proclamation or whether he was too distraught to notice. Obviously the child was paying better attention to Severus' words than he originally thought. "It was a slip of the tongue," Snape answered.

"So you were talking about me, but just accidentally said you?" Harry asked for clarification.

"No, I mean it was not something I intended to inform you of," Snape replied only to watch Harry's eyes fall in disappointment at the idea of Severus' distrust in him. "However, I am now glad for the error," he added enjoying the warmness that instantly flashed through Harry's eyes at that statement.

"So your father…" Harry started but couldn't seem to finish. The words were too personal to his own situation and coupled with that was the prospect of insulting the professor somehow if he assumed too much.

"He was an abusive drunk," Severus finished matter-of-factly for Harry.

Harry's breath caught in his throat at the professor's declaration. Swallowing quickly, he dug up the courage to ask a question he had been wondering ever since Snape had started proclaiming it wasn't Harry's fault. Because in all honesty, Harry knew in his heart and his head that if Snape's father ever hurt him, it certainly wasn't Snape's fault and yet he couldn't get around the idea of blaming himself for everything his uncle had done. He knew the two ideas clashed but he found no way to rectify the situation with his own blame. But maybe, if he knew Snape had once thought it was his own fault too, then there was hope that Harry could get through this.

"And you used to blame yourself too?" Harry asked.

"Yes I did. For a very long time. Until someone finally taught me it was not my fault. And I intend to teach you the same thing," Snape said, enunciating each phrase slowly.

"Who was it?" Harry asked, extremely interested in who might have that power over his potions professor.

Severus wasn't quite ready to admit everything about Lily. In the future he hoped he would, but for now he couldn't do it. A conversation with Harry about Lily would lead to too much pain.

"Just know that it was an extremely extraordinary person and I hope I can do half as good a job as her," he said instead.

Harry was slightly disappointed Snape wouldn't actually tell him who besides admitting it was a woman, but the honesty in the man's voice made up for it. He gave the professor a genuine smile and nodded his head.

After more companionable conversation, both wizards eventually headed back to their own beds. Harry left the room armed with a vial of Dreamless Sleep, while Severus was left knowing that although he couldn't change the past, he would do everything in his power to give Harry a second chance at happiness.

-SS-

_TBC… _

Special thanks to Jess for the help on finding the perfect wording and thanks for all the wonderful reviews! -Mara


	28. Ch 28 Even More Worries

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** I know I sound like a broken record, but honestly, thank you so much for all the reviews and adds to alerts and favorites. Way back in some of my earlier chapters I mentioned some of the fics that inspired me to write my own Snape mentors Harry fic and somehow I missed mentioning one by name that is just plain fabulous. So this chapter is for Shoonasasi and her fic **Torn Apart World**. I highly recommend anyone check it out if you aren't already reading it. It's a WIP, but close to being finished.

And I'm posting far too late at night, so any typos belong to me.

**And thanks to my wonderful betas, Jess and Stacy. Good luck Jess on the first of your Board Exams!**

_From Before…_

_After more companionable conversation, both wizards eventually headed back to their own beds. Harry left the room armed with a vial of Dreamless Sleep, while Severus was left knowing that although he couldn't change the past, he would do everything in his power to give Harry a second chance at happiness._

**Ch. 28 – Even More Worries**

Snape and Harry fell into a routine over the next few days. Every Occlumency lesson would disclose a horrible memory from Harry's past, but the boy was no closer to learning to block his professor out. As a consequence, every night that followed consisted of Severus rousing the teen from a nightmare.

Severus would have been grateful for all that Harry was admitting if it weren't for the detached manner in which the boy was doing it.

Harry would recap the events of a specific memory or nightmare with about as much feeling as Professor Binns. Even with Severus' leading questions about Harry's feelings, the most he would get was a shrug of the shoulders or an _'I don't know'_.

Severus was trying his best not to get frustrated with the child, but his patience was wearing thin. He couldn't help but think back to Harry's admissions during their discussion of his godfather and the subsequent nightmare that followed. Harry had been much more honest and open and now to see him revert back to indifference was absolutely maddening.

That wasn't the only item causing Severus a bit of anxiety though. The other was the lack of word from the Dark Lord. He was extremely grateful for the reprieve both he and Harry were receiving and his arm was now fully healed, but the Dark Lord's lack of activity could only imply that he was planning something significant.

"Sir, I think I added too much lacewing fly. It's separating from the base," Harry said, startling the professor from his musings.

Severus stepped over to Harry's work area and leaned over the boy's shoulder to check on the consistency of the potion. "Indeed." His silky voice held a hint of amusement when he saw the state of the substance in the cauldron.

Severus was pleasantly surprised to notice his action didn't make Harry nervous. Instead the boy just lifted the stirring rod for better inspection, which revealed a thick forest green liquid dripping off the end of the rod while an opalescent mint green ran off and around it, pooling to the top of the cauldron.

"You will need to compensate with an emulsifier," Severus said.

"Yeah, but won't more powdered asphodel interact with the other ingredients since it controls how long the potion has to boil?" Harry asked, completely shocking his professor.

Severus had intended to lead the conversation in that direction, but would have never guessed Harry already had the answer. If the sincere smile on Harry's face was anything to go by, the boy definitely picked up on Snape's approval.

"In this instance, the only thing it will change is the amount of time spent simmering," Severus said, picking up a small pinch of the gray powder and gradually releasing it over the surface of the potion while Harry started slow clockwise stirs.

"Repeat that process until you recognize the right viscosity."

Harry nodded his head. "How did you learn all this?" he asked as he picked up his own pinch of powder.

"Trial and error mostly. I simply grew tired of wasting an entire cauldron worth of ingredients when something went amiss," Severus answered.

"Did you have your own potions lab growing up?" Harry questioned with true intrigue although his eyes were glued to the cauldron in front of him.

Imagining his own father, Severus almost snorted at the absurdity of that question before answering seriously. "No, I did not. I completed independent study classes while at Hogwarts and my instructors while working on my Masters were extremely knowledgeable."

Harry finally glanced up and gave Snape a questioning look. "Why don't you correct us like this during class?"

Because Severus didn't detect any bitterness in the boy's voice, he tried to keep the defensiveness out of his own.

"It would be impossible to keep up with. Ms. Granger is possibly the only student in your year that would not require much assistance while Longbottom could keep me occupied into next year if I endeavored to correct his every error."

"But maybe instead of banishing our potion immediately, you could give us the chance to fix it on our own," Harry suggested, obviously thinking back to all the times his cauldron suffered that fate.

Severus could see that the boy was hopeful and had his attention focused solely on the upcoming response. "Harry," he said firmly.

The teen looked up sheepishly as though preparing for a lecture on proper manners when speaking with a professor, but Severus merely smirked and arched one eyebrow.

"You need to lower the heat."

"Oh!" Harry jumped to follow his professor's instructions.

"Now, although I find _you_ capable enough to handle such a task, experimenting on your own, the majority of your peers do not have the experience or common sense necessary. Even the most innocent potion ingredients can be highly volatile if combined with the wrong thing, in the wrong amount, or heated to the wrong temperature," he explained.

"And that's how all the accidents in class have occurred," Harry thought out loud.

"Precisely. And those only represent the errors that have slipped by me. There is not a single researcher who has not had a mishap with a potion. Imagine then, an entire classroom full of inexperienced, under-aged witches and wizards attempting at their own experimentation," Severus lectured.

Harry nodded his head in understanding and remained silent for a long period of time before finally asking, "Does that mean you'll give _me_ a little more time to fix my own mistakes before banishing my potion?"

Severus eyed the boy critically for a moment. Harry was pretending to be interested in his current work with his head slightly bowed and he was obviously hesitant to hear Snape's answer. Even so, there was a faint flicker of hope in his eyes. As Severus thought about it, this was the first time Harry made a direct question about their relationship in the future and Severus had no plans to disappoint him.

"I will _if_ the situation permits."

Harry's movements stilled completely and Severus realized he had the boy's utmost attention. Reaching across Harry, he added one more pinch of asphodel before bringing his hand back to rest on the boy's shoulder.

"We will be constantly battling outside forces. My number one concern is keeping you and everyone else safe. If other activities around the room will not permit me to keep an eye on your potion and it looks to be dangerous I will be forced to remove it, along with anyone else's in the lab. Likewise, there will be situations in which I have a reputation to uphold in the eyes of some of your classmates," Severus explained. "As we both know, you share that room with the children of Death Eaters, who could easily report my behavior."

"I understand," Harry said with a slightly saddened voice, but the light squeeze to his shoulder instantly brought a smile to his face and Severus found himself returning that smile, even if his own was barely recognizable.

"Your potion is complete," Severus said, darting his eyes to Harry's cauldron and back before conjuring a dozen glass vials to bottle it off in and moving away to tend to his own potion that had simmered for far too long.

-SS-

The next afternoon found Harry grabbing his broom and heading outside. He had been completely flabbergasted when Snape informed him that he _deserved_ a break and should use the beautiful weather to do a little flying. He wasn't going to argue with the man though and the weather was perfect.

Stepping out the back door of the study, Harry was met with the warm heat of the sun and a gentle breeze pushing his hair off his face. He didn't hesitate a second to jump on his broom and speed off. The rush of wind around him was exhilarating and extremely calming all at the same time.

He'd been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days about Snape and everything the professor was doing for him. He made a conscious effort not to fight the man so much and answer questions, even if it was about his relatives. But he also knew he wasn't being completely honest, at least when it came to his own feelings. Rather, he was just completely avoiding that subject. A part of Harry knew that wasn't really fair after what the professor had admitted about his own childhood the other night.

From experience, he was sure there was always an ulterior motive. He was looking at it from every angle and had yet to come up with a possible reward Snape would be getting in return for everything he had done. But everything in Harry's mind screamed to be wary.

That was honestly the real problem, because the more he looked, the more he realized he probably wasn't going to find some ulterior motive. Every sign pointed to the fact that Snape was sincere. Harry realized it had felt good to be completely honest with Snape and talk about his feelings. It was the first time any adult had ever made himself available to him in that capacity. Maybe that was the problem. Harry finally knew, without a doubt, how wonderful it felt to draw comfort from Snape and not be pushed away. And he desperately did not want to get attached to that feeling when he didn't know how long it would last.

Harry circled the back yard once more before dropping into a steep dive. He was accelerating towards the grass and pulled up at the last second before zipping around a couple of tree trunks. Just as he was about to take back up to the open sky he caught sight of his professor on the back patio.

Snape was standing stiffly in a black pair of trousers and a white button up shirt that Harry had come to associate with the man. His arms were crossed on his chest and the menacing stance instantly told Harry he better fly over and see what was wrong.

Landing gracefully in the grass a few feet away, Harry stepped over to the professor and looked up tentatively. "Sir?"

"I asked that you enjoy yourself, not try and kill yourself," Snape said harshly.

Harry could feel his face heat up. It was obvious before he even got over here that the professor was angry about something, but he had never expected Snape to be angry about his flying.

Harry opened his mouth to reply but realized he had no idea what to say. What Snape said sounded like something a concerned parent would worry about and it gave Harry a strange feeling in his chest.

"Avoid plummeting to your death or impaling yourself on a tree and we won't have any issues," Snape supplied for Harry.

"Yes sir," he answered.

Snape gave a small nod before turning to sit at the patio table where Harry saw there was a stack of parchments the professor appeared to be working on. He took that as his cue to continue flying and took off again, albeit a little more cautiously knowing the professor was watching.

Harry flew in a lazy circle around the yard as he contemplated how strange it was to see his professor sitting outside in the sunshine instead of holing up in a dark room with his potions. It occurred to him that Snape was probably using the nice weather as an excuse to keep an eye on him. Normally he would be offended that he was being watched like a small child, prone to getting into trouble, but the more he thought about it the more it seemed like the concerned parent kind of thing again. Harry decided he should let himself enjoy it while it was offered, even if he didn't know how long it would last. In this case, it wasn't like the professor would ever know how much it meant to him.

Finally, after over an hour of flying, Harry made his way back down to the patio to discover that the professor was gone. It didn't take long for Harry to realize where the man went when he heard Snape's heated voice coupled with the more subdued one of the headmaster coming from the study.

Having no intention of eavesdropping, Harry stepped directly into the doorway just in time to catch a particularly interesting comment from Snape.

"Why would they move the trial up?" Snape asked before dropping his tone to an ominous hiss. "What date did they choose?"

"The fifteenth of August," Dumbledore answered in an extremely tired voice.

Harry watched Snape's face turn murderous, but he had no idea what that date signified. Just as he was about to clear his throat and announce his presence Snape spoke again.

"I'll go as Lupin. Polyjuice," he said simply and then Harry started to realize what all the fuss was about.

"Severus, a known werewolf cannot walk into the court room on the day of the full moon," Dumbledore tried to explain.

"Either get the date changed or I'm accompanying him," Snape argued.

Harry didn't wait for the headmaster to respond and loudly cleared his throat. Both heads whipped around to observe him standing in the doorway and surprisingly, Snape's face seemed to soften a fraction instead of becoming more menacing.

"I wasn't spying, I swear," he tried to explain. "I just overheard your last few comments." The idea of the trial coming so quickly was extremely daunting but at the same time, Snape's comments and desperation to make sure he wasn't alone that day made him feel really good. In situations like this it was definitely hard to deny the fact that the professor seemed sincere in his intentions.

"It is just as well. You should be a part of this conversation," Snape said, gesturing towards the chair closest to him and completely ignoring the pointed look from the headmaster. "Have a seat."

Harry propped his broom up by the door and swiftly slipped into the chair Snape had indicated. "So they moved the trial up so Remus won't be able to make it?" he asked.

"It appears that way, my boy," Dumbledore said sorrowfully from across the room. He was wearing elaborate silver robes and had his hands clasped together in front of him. Harry stared at the blue eyes and noticed they lacked that twinkle he normally expected. And for some reason the more Harry stared at the man, the angrier he became, but he couldn't tear his eyes away.

He barely heard Snape speaking. "It will be of no consequence. We will make other arrangements. Someone will accompany you," he said firmly.

"Remus' assimilated memory of the event has already been submitted to the committee for review. They cannot disregard it as evidence," Dumbledore added in an attempt to alleviate Harry's fears.

Surprisingly, Harry wasn't as worried about the trial as he had been at the beginning of the conversation. Now all he could think about was how much he wanted to lash out at the elder wizard across the room. A strange anger coursed through his body that didn't seem to belong to him and Harry tried his best to suppress it or at least understand where it was coming from. He still felt betrayed by the man that he might have somehow known about the abuse. However, it certainly didn't warrant the anger he felt now that was quickly building like molten lava throughout his body.

Before he realized what he was doing, he jumped out of his seat and had his wand drawn. It didn't matter because Dumbledore was quicker and had immediately disarmed him with an Expelliarmus. The headmaster's actions didn't deter Harry and only served to make him angrier. Without a wand he resorted to physically lunging at the man.

It took Severus a second to realize what was happening, but his instinct took over and he stuck out an arm to wrap around Harry's waist to restrain the boy. Harry wrestled to get a way for all he was worth and Severus had to physically drag him from the room before he ceased his struggles.

Once they were in the hall by the stairs, Severus still had to keep an arm around Harry to keep him from collapsing. Harry's breathing was coming in short gasps and Severus eased him to the floor until the boy was leaning back against him.

Harry started ranting in between breaths. "What did I do? Oh Merlin, what did I do? Why did I do that? Why would I do that?" He brought the heels of his hands up to rub furiously at his scar.

"Harry," Severus said from over his shoulder.

The teen practically jumped away from him and pushed his back up into the corner staring at Severus with wide fearful green eyes. "Oh Merlin, don't hate me. I don't know – I don't know why I did that. I don't – I –" Harry drew in another shuddering breath, unable to convey his thoughts while on the verge of hyperventilating.

Everything was hitting him like a brick wall. He had no idea why he had acted that way or where the anger came from and now his scar was burning viciously.

Severus eased his way over to Harry trying not to startle him and quickly forced him to put his head down. "Breathe Harry. Breathe. Listen to my breaths. Inhale. Exhale," he said methodically. "No one hates you. Just breathe."

Severus had to repeat the mantra for a few minutes before Harry started to regain his breathing a little.

"Why would I – why would I attack the headmaster?" Harry gasped out.

"I'm sure it was not your own intention, but for now I need you to calm down. Your scar is hurting?" Snape asked, trying to prevent Harry from scratching at it and eventually succeeding in catching the boy's hands in his own and holding them still.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, unwilling to look at Snape. The man sounded concerned and not at all mad at him, but the more Harry thought about what he had done, the more horrified he became. _Why did I do that?_

"Harry," Snape said a little louder. "What does your scar feel like?" he asked forcefully while silently summoning a small array of potions.

"It's hot. A prickling, burning," Harry mumbled keeping his head down.

Severus' mind was quickly processing everything he just saw, mainly the hard proof that the headmaster did indeed need to distance himself from Harry. But his most immediate concern was determining whether to dose Harry with a calming draught or whether he needed the special pain reliever he had formulated.

"I need you to look at me," Snape said, grabbing Harry's chin gently and tilting the boy's face up.

Harry slowly opened his eyes, but kept them directed down away from Snape's own. The task was difficult with their close proximity.

Severus' other hand was still on one of Harry's own and he could feel the boy clenching his fist. The lightning bolt scar was an angry red color, but it obviously wasn't paining him the way it would if Voldemort was sending a vision. Releasing Harry's chin, Severus placed the back of his hand against the boy's forehead. The area around the scar felt warm.

"I don't need that potion. It doesn't hurt like that. It's just prickling sort of now," Harry said, closing his eyes again. Snape's cool hand felt so soothing against his scar.

Severus regarded Harry for another long minute before agreeing. "Drink this then," he said, grabbing one of the vials he had summoned earlier.

Harry's eyes snapped open to observe the vial and then Snape's face. "A calming draught?" he asked.

Before Snape could even nod his head in agreement Harry was speaking again.

"So you do think I'm crazy."

"It's a calming draught, Harry, not an anti-insanity potion," Snape said with a hint of humor in his voice until he recognized the boy's breathing was increasing. "We cannot discuss this rationally unless you are calm."

Harry studied Snape's face for what seemed like an eternity trying to judge the man's sincerity. Finally finding nothing suspicious he reached out and took the vial, drinking it down in one swallow. The effects were almost instantaneous and Harry felt a wave of calm wash through him as though he stepped into the ocean on a hot summer day. He took a few deep breaths, marveling at the ability to finally fill his lungs.

"I need to speak with the headmaster for a moment. Will you be alright by yourself here?" Snape asked seriously.

Harry nodded his head in confirmation although he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to be left alone, not to mention he wished he could apologize to Dumbledore, but doubted the man would want to speak with him.

"Until we understand this connection with the Dark Lord and your scar better contact with the headmaster may need to be limited," Snape added, trying to ease some of Harry's fears.

Harry just nodded his head again.

"I will return in a few minutes. Do not move," Snape ordered and waited for another nod before rising from the floor and slipping back into the study.

The Headmaster was standing calmly by the veranda doors twirling Harry's wand in between his fingers. Severus wasted no time casting a silencing spell on the room before addressing his mentor.

"Albus, did you know that would happen?" he asked with a small hint of accusation.

Dumbledore turned slowly. "I had my suspicions that something of that magnitude may occur. How is Harry?" he asked sincerely.

"I dosed him with a calming draught, but I fear it won't be that effective on him for too long. He is waiting for me out in the hall. This situation needs to be explained to him before he comes to his own ridiculous conclusions," Severus answered.

Dumbledore nodded his head in agreement but Severus spoke again before the headmaster had a chance.

"The Dark Lord can recognize your presence through Harry's scar?" Severus asked. "I knew you feared this, but I'm not sure I understand what just occurred. Had there been any signs to show such a situation I would be long dead and gone."

"The small chance that this could occur was merely a theory of mine," Dumbledore said slowly.

Severus was trying his best not to show any anger or hurt over the idea that Albus had put him in danger by withholding such a theory. It was besides the point that he wouldn't have changed anything about this past summer had he been given the chance to do it all over and tried to refocus his thoughts on who was really important at the moment - Harry.

"And you didn't think it prudent to inform me of such a theory when my loyalty could be instantly questioned?" he asked.

"Severus, I would never put you in more danger than your position already supplies."

"Then explain how the Dark Lord can recognize you through his scar and not myself," Severus said pointedly.

Dumbledore looked every year his age at that moment, but didn't miss a beat in answering his irate Potion Master. "Had Voldemort been able to recognize everyone through his connection with Harry, we would have known long ago. Anyone of the millions of interactions you have had with him would have been called into question," he explained.

"So he recognizes your magical signature because of the power behind it?" Severus asked for further clarification. "And the purity of that power?"

"Severus, no one is completely good or evil," Dumbledore started to counter.

"I understand your modesty Albus, but I need to understand this. I'm not proclaiming you a saint, but clearly you are one of the most powerful wizards alive and have fought against the Dark Lord. It would be logical that he can sense your magical signature. Even half the students can sense the magic that pulsates off you," Severus argued.

"Yes," Dumbledore relented. "That is my theory."

"And yet he cannot recognize his own Dark Mark?" Severus asked, none of his worry evident in his voice.

"You may carry his mark Severus, but your intentions are not those of a Death Eater. The Dark Mark doesn't taint your magical signature the way it would Malfoy senior, for example," Dumbledore explained with a warm glow in his eyes.

Severus scoffed at the idea, but didn't have time to comment before the headmaster spoke again.

"What will it take to convince you of that fact, my boy?" Dumbledore asked as he finally handed over the eleven inches of holly and phoenix feather he had still been twirling in his fingers.

Severus gave the wand a long look, distracting himself from the idea of his own atonement. He wondered how he could possibly explain this new development to Harry without it having serious side effects on all of his progress. "The conversation regarding Harry's trial is not finished. I will not allow him to go alone," Severus said simply, locking eyes with the elder wizard in front of him. In that instant, he finally saw the intense pain this situation was causing the headmaster, being forced to distance himself from a boy he had almost begun to look at as a grandson. He didn't, however, realize that some of the headmaster's pain was also because of himself.

"You're doing a wonderful job looking out for him and I thank you for it, Severus," Dumbledore said, laying a gentle hand on the potion masters forearm.

"I will make him understand," Severus said suddenly desperate to try and erase some of his mentor's pain.

"I have no doubt you will do what's best for Harry, who I believe is waiting for you. We will speak more soon," Dumbledore said with a sad smile. He didn't give Severus any chance to respond before departing through the floo.

Severus inhaled a deep breath wishing more than ever that he could kill the Dark Lord himself, but he didn't allow himself the time to indulge in such fantasies when Harry needed him.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Ahh, sorry it took so long, but Happy Mother's Day to any wonderful mothers out there. And just like with my fic, you don't actually have to be a biological parent to be a wonderful mentor, so today goes out to all of you, men and women alike. :) - Mara


	29. Ch 29 Someone to Understand

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thank you all again for reading and reviewing. I apologize for my updates becoming farther and farther apart, but I do promise the story will never be abandoned, so even if it takes me three weeks to get a chapter up once in a while, I'm still here writing. :)

**Thanks Jess and Stacy!**

_From Before…_

_Severus inhaled a deep breath wishing more than ever that he could kill the Dark Lord himself, but he didn't allow himself the time to indulge in such fantasies when Harry needed him. _

**Ch. 29 – Someone to Understand**

Harry let his head fall back against the wall after Snape disappeared and drew in a deep shuddering breath that shook his entire frame when he exhaled. He was more than embarrassed about his behavior; he was absolutely horrified.

He had definitely heard and understood Snape when he said it wasn't his intention. He knew the anger and pure hatred that flooded through his body weren't his own, but that didn't matter. All his fears over the visions he had received had finally come true. Voldemort could possess him and… _use_ him.

The idea frightened Harry to his very core and even with the Calming Draught coursing through his system he had to use all his composure possible to stop from breaking down and crying.

He could put anyone in danger. He shouldn't be here and he definitely shouldn't go back to Hogwarts. Up until a few moments ago, Harry would have thought professor Snape might be able to fix almost anything, but not this. Not something of this magnitude.

It was at that moment that the study door opened and Harry slowly rolled his head to the side in time to see said professor stepping back out into the hall.

Snape dropped down to a crouch in front of him and for some reason Harry couldn't peel his eyes away from the man.

"Your wand, Harry," Snape said, holding out the small piece of wood the teen hadn't even realized was missing.

Harry just stared at the offering for a long minute before grasping the handle in slow motion. Everything felt like a horrible dream and he wished someone would pinch him. He barely recognized Snape continuing to speak to him and before he knew it, he was being led back into the study and over to the couch. There was no sign of Dumbledore.

-SS-

"Harry!" Severus called out for the fifth time.

Startled emerald eyes finally widened in reaction. Snape was sitting on the coffee table directly in front of him.

"I could hurt someone," Harry said quickly.

"No. The Dark Lord cannot -"

"Don't lie and say he didn't just possess me!" Harry shouted.

Severus briefly wondered what this conversation would be like without the Calming Draught he had administered. He quickly grabbed Harry by the biceps and held the boy in place firmly enough so that he was forced to address him.

"The connection you share with the Dark Lord was drawn out by the presence of the headmaster," he started to explain.

"And how do you know it won't happen around someone else?" Harry asked.

"The Headmaster has a rare caliber of magic the world is seldom used to seeing. The Dark Lord has never feared anyone the way he fears Albus Dumbledore," Snape said.

Harry cast his eyes down and started shaking his head back and forth.

"Harry," Snape said loudly. "It must take a great deal of the Dark Lord's energy to try and reach through that connection. He would only be provoked to even attempt it if he recognized the Headmaster's magical signature."

"But this is just all your theory," Harry said skeptically.

"I would not try to convince you of it if I did not believe it myself," Snape answered. "The only thing this means is that until we can succeed at Occlumency, Professor Dumbledore will need to maintain a distance from you."

Harry closed his eyes trying to process everything the professor was saying, but he didn't know if he could believe he wasn't a danger to everyone.

"Are you hungry perhaps?" Snape asked, eyeing Harry critically. Perhaps a discussion over dinner would help ease the boy's anxiety over the subject a little.

The teen quickly shook his head in the negative. "No. Would it be alright if I go lay down for a while?" he requested.

Severus wasn't sure what else to say to convince Harry and he did look exhausted. "Yes," he said, releasing Harry's arms.

He watched Harry's retreating form make a slow exit from the study and wondered when the child was ever going to get a break.

-SS-

Harry lay on his stomach under his covers. He had his head buried in his arms half under his pillow, but he couldn't hide from all his thoughts. Life just never seemed to stop throwing new twists at him.

He replayed everything Snape had said about Dumbledore in his head and found that for his own sanity, he had to believe the man wouldn't lie to him. And he supposed if he were truly dangerous, even Snape would try to put some type of separation up between them, but he didn't.

Everything Snape did just showed Harry more and more how a real parent should act, causing thoughts of the Dursleys to keep creeping back into his head. He was left feeling extremely guilty that he was preoccupied with something as trivial as that when there were much more immediate worries.

After desperately needing to get away from everything in the study earlier, now a part of Harry was hoping Snape would come upstairs and check on him. For all his denial of his true feelings, he wanted nothing more than for Snape to come ask if he was alright.

He used to sit in his cupboard at Privet Drive dreaming that one day his aunt or uncle would come to comfort him and tell him they loved him like they did with Dudley. After years, Harry realized they were never coming and his dreams turned to his long lost parents and fantasies that they hadn't really died and would one day come rescue him.

But now the only person in Harry's head was Snape and he couldn't stop a few tears from leaking out of his eyes at that thought. It was almost worse than imagining his parents because he knew that was completely impossible. But he didn't have to imagine what it felt like to have Snape comfort him, he'd already experienced it. And to dream that Snape might care about him like a father was just cruel because Harry knew that could never happen.

Harry's chest constricted when he heard a light knock on the door followed by the Potion Masters deep voice calling his name. He quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeve and drew in one last sniffle hoping the man hadn't heard. If Snape were going to like having him around, he certainly wouldn't want a crying baby.

After the second call went without answer Severus eased open the door a few inches. "Harry, since you've decided not to answer me, I will assume I am free to enter."

Still no response.

Feeling as though he had given the boy adequate preparation before entering, he pushed the door open completely and immediately noticed the lump under the covers on the bed.

Severus felt his heart stop for a second and used all his composure and mental reasoning to not rush over and shake the child and demand he answer in order to determine he was alright. The sight was a tad too reminiscent of the night Harry self medicated with a Dreamless Sleep Potion and the boy's lack of response only added to Severus' concern.

He took deliberate steps towards the bed and exhaled a silent breath of relief when he heard a quiet sniffle sound from the lump.

"Harry," he said cautiously.

"I'm fine," Harry retorted quickly.

"I don't believe I asked how you were," Severus replied in a sarcastically joking manner.

"Yeah, but you were going to," Harry said before he felt the bed dip behind him and a hand fell on his blanket-clad shoulder. The action caused a shudder to spread through his chest, but not for the reasons Snape would assume. Harry wondered how he had turned into such an emotional basket-case all of a sudden and why the stupid calming draught had seemingly stopped working. This was exactly what he had been secretly hoping Snape would do, but now all it did was make him want to cry. He just wasn't sure what he was crying for though.

"It would be alright if you were upset about the situation with the headmaster," Snape said, pretending as though he didn't notice Harry's shudder. He once again found himself far outside his comfort zone with this situation, but realized it didn't matter…Harry did.

Severus was greeted with more silence, but he knew Harry must be giving the topic a lot of thought. He could feel the boy's shoulder shaking lightly underneath his hand.

"Harry," he said slowly. "The best course of action would be to talk through this until we've reached an understanding."

"What if he can recognize someone else?" Harry asked shakily. "What if he can recognize you?" He selfishly realized that he was scared of that concept not only because of the professor's safety, but also because Snape might withdraw from him and Harry knew without a doubt now that he couldn't handle losing the man in any way.

With Harry still lying under the covers turned away from him and his head buried in his arms, Severus just barely heard his last statement, but he didn't miss the anxiety in the boy's voice. It still caught Severus a bit off guard even though he had come to realize things had changed between the two of them.

"He cannot," Severus said, unconsciously squeezing Harry's shoulder. "As surprising as it seems, the Dark Lord falls prey to fear just like you or I and there is only one man he still fears."

"That still doesn't explain why he can recognize Dumbledore and not you," Harry mumbled.

Carrying on a conversation in this manner was proving to be quite frustrating to Severus, but he was hesitant to request that the teen address him properly. He had a feeling he would get far better responses from the boy if he felt more comfortable and knew that the lack of eye contact was probably easing some of Harry's embarrassment.

"As I said before, the Headmaster is an extremely powerful wizard," Snape tried to explain again.

"So are you," Harry said as he pushed himself up to his elbows and craned his neck around to stare defiantly at Snape.

Although Albus never faltered in showing approval and gratitude towards him, it was an entirely new experience for Severus to have someone looking up to him like a child would a parent. It was frightening and wonderful all at the same time and without realizing it his thumb was now soothingly rubbing back and forth on Harry's back since the boy's change in position had shifted his hand.

"As much as I appreciate your confidence in my abilities, I must inform you that I am nowhere near the league of Albus Dumbledore," he smirked.

Snape's comforting gesture certainly didn't escape Harry's notice and he briefly felt embarrassed for acting like a five year old for enjoying it so much, but tried his best not to draw attention to it in case the professor realized what he was doing and stopped.

"What about your-" Harry closed his mouth abruptly and stared fearfully at Snape, wondering if the man realized where he had originally been going with that question. "Um, nothing," he said, closing his eyes, but before he could turn away, Snape finished his question.

"Dark Mark?" he asked coolly.

Harry shook his head quickly. "I know it's none of my business."

"It is a legitimate question and in this case, you have every right to receive an explanation," Snape said clearly surprising Harry. "Because I do not share the philosophies of the Dark Lord or his followers and my loyalty lies instead with the Order, my Dark Mark does not give off the same signature as those of other Death Eaters," he explained, doing his best job at sounding convincing although Severus did not for one second believe a few years of loyalty could make up for his previous mistakes. If it were possible he would carve the Dark Mark right out of his arm.

"That makes sense," Harry said nodding his head.

Once again, Severus was caught off guard by Harry's confidence in him, but quickly avoided dwelling on the thought. "You need to understand that the Headmaster is no more pleased about this forced distance than you are," he said.

"I do," Harry answered, actually meaning it, but that didn't wipe the anxiety from his mind. It was just another problem to stack up on top of everything else, the heaviest of which was the voice of Vernon Dursley echoing that he deserved nothing less.

Severus noticed that the gloom didn't dissipate from Harry's face, but instead seemed to intensify. "Perhaps there is something more on your mind that we should discuss," he said.

There was a distinct hitch in Harry's breathing as he quickly turned his head away. "No, I'm fine." Finally tired of holding himself propped up on his elbows, he rested his head on his arms turned away from Snape so the man wouldn't be able to see the weakness he was sure was written all over his face.

"The world may force you to put on a brave face for them, but you do not have to prove yourself to me. You accomplished that a long time ago, although you never should have had to in the first place," Severus said, resuming the minute movement of his thumb across Harry's shoulder.

At that moment Harry needed to believe the man was sincere. "Everything just gets to be too much sometimes," he admitted in one breath.

"You've had to deal with far more than any child should ever have to. You have no reason to be ashamed of that," Severus said.

"I'm not a child anymore," Harry said bitterly as he turned his head to glare at Snape. "And I shouldn't be crying like one."

Severus could see that Harry was doing a good job of sticking to that. Although his eyes sparkled with unshed tears his face was dry. Severus was selfishly grateful, but he wouldn't tell Harry that.

"As I am twenty years your senior, yes you are still a child," he said eliciting a small snort from Harry. That simple interaction was enough to lighten the mood for a moment and Severus tried to continue it. "And there is no shame in showing your emotions. Failure to do so would result in ending up like me."

Harry's face fell at that comment, apparently not seeing any humor in it.

"Yeah, but you're strong and don't let things bother you," Harry said.

Severus raised one eyebrow in skepticism and repeated Harry's own words so he could hear how ridiculous they sounded. "Don't let things bother me?" he questioned mockingly. "Have you been in my classroom when Longbottom explodes a cauldron? In fact you have personally been on the receiving end of my _not letting things bother me_, as you so put it."

Harry's lips twisted into a tiny smile before he responded. "All right, I guess you can get a little angry sometimes."

"Perhaps," Severus said with a smirk.

"But you don't let anything hurt you," Harry said eyeing Snape warily as he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth.

Severus knew Harry did his best to avoid showing any weakness, probably because he never had anyone to rely on before, but this idea that the boy looked up to him for being an emotionless cold man was a bit worrisome.

Harry was surprised by the amount of emotion he could see swirling in Snape's dark eyes and incorrectly mistook it. "I didn't mean any disrespect, sir. I think it's a good thing," he quickly tried to explain.

"That is what troubles me," Snape said gravely. "Emotion is not a bad thing, contrary to what you were conditioned to believe."

"Now you're starting to sound like the Headmaster," Harry said.

"Do not EVER say that," Snape said sharply before allowing a look of amusement to cross his face. The action gained an actual smile from Harry.

"Sorry," Harry lied while still smiling.

"Would you prefer that I begin carrying around a tin of lemon drops?" Snape asked with one eyebrow cocked up.

Harry shook his head the small amount that he was able to from his position.

Both wizards were internally surprised at how enjoyable this playful banter was between the two of them, but Severus quickly erased Harry's smile.

"Would it be all right if I wagered a guess at what else might be bothering you?" he asked.

Harry quickly darted his eyes away from Snape's and swallowed thickly, but it only took an instant for him to decide he wouldn't make Snape guess. This time he would try being honest.

"I feel guilty being preoccupied with… with stuff, while there are more important things to worry about like Voldemort killing people," he said quietly.

"And this _stuff_ might be?" Snape prompted although he already knew the answer.

"Just my relatives and everything. It's not important, but I can't stop thinking about it," Harry answered.

"Mmm," Snape replied. "I understand why you might believe it is of less importance, but it is not. It will affect the rest of your life if you do not deal with it."

Normally now would be the time when Harry claimed he already dealt with it or it didn't bother him, but today he surprised both Snape and himself. "I know logically, in my head, I shouldn't blame myself, but…"

"You do," Snape finished for him after a moment of silence.

Harry finally met Snape's eyes trying to judge the man's reaction to that admission. No doubt the professor would be angry he still thought that after being told repeatedly that it wasn't his fault, but Harry didn't see any anger or annoyance on Snape's face.

"It will take time," Snape spoke up again.

"How long did it take you?" Harry asked nervously.

"Far too long. I will not allow you to follow in my footsteps in that regard." _Or in any regard for that matter_, Severus thought to himself. "But for now, all I ask is that you make an effort to discuss things more openly. It is the only way for you ever to discover it truly wasn't your fault."

"And you want me to tell Sirius," Harry said despondently.

As much as Severus selfishly did not want Harry to speak to Black, which would most likely result in him losing this relationship that had developed with the boy, he knew he had to encourage Harry in this.

"Would it be correct to say that you fear the reactions of those closest to you?" Snape asked.

Harry's eyes widened in alarm. "You want me to tell all the Weasleys too?" he whispered.

"Eventually you will want to speak with them all, but no, for now I believe it would help if you at least spoke with your godfather," Snape answered.

Harry worried his bottom lip between his teeth and furrowed his brow, but didn't respond.

"You believe his reaction will be of disappointment in you," Snape stated rather than asked. Not that he wouldn't put it past Black to be a complete arse, in this case he was quite certain the mutt wouldn't blame Harry.

"Well," Harry said, drawing in a deep breath before continuing. "If I still think it is my fault, why wouldn't I expect him to think that?"

"That is understandable, however I do not blame you even though our history implies that I would have been delighted to do so," Snape reminded Harry.

"Yeah, but you know what it's like to be bullied and Sirius, well, I just can't forget how he acted in your memory," Harry finished quietly.

_I should get a medal for being a saint after this conversation_, Severus thought. Never in his life did he imagine he would be making excuses for Sirius Black. "Black's feelings towards you should never be compared to those he holds for me. Our animosity has a long history."

"But how could he ever understand if he could act like that?" Harry asked quickly. "I mean, he's my godfather and I know he cares about me, but I just don't think he would understand this."

Severus could easily understand where Harry's anxiety was coming from and he was really putting a lot more faith in Sirius Black than he ever would have normally, but he had to pray for Harry's sake that he wasn't wrong.

"I do not expect you to discuss this with him immediately. I only want you to consider the possibility in the future, Harry," Snape said.

After a long look Harry conceded. "All right."

"Now then, perhaps there is an activity you would like to partake in to help take your mind away from such taxing subjects?" Snape asked. "Besides flying," he added, not wanting Harry to be out on a broom when he looked so drained.

Harry's eyes lit up for a moment in surprise, but just as he opened his mouth to suggest something he quickly changed his mind. "No, I'm fine."

Snape narrowed his eyes at the boy for clearly not speaking his mind. "I would not have asked if I did not want an honest answer."

"Well, umm, you're probably busy. I can find something to keep myself occupied up here," Harry said.

"Evidently I need to remind you, I gave you the day off because you _deserved_ it, not because I had tasks I needed to accomplish," Snape said. He was secretly surprised and pleased that apparently whatever the boy had planned, it included his snarky potion professor. "Now, what did you have in mind?"

Eyes filled with trepidation, Harry mumbled quietly, "well, umm, dueling might be fun."

"Excellent choice," Snape answered instantly. "I will meet you downstairs when you're ready and do not think for an instant that I will go easy on you," he smirked, giving one last pat to Harry's shoulder before withdrawing the hand that had somehow remained resting on the boy's back throughout their conversation.

Harry gave his professor a sincere smile and Severus rose from his seat and took his leave with an imprint of Harry's smiling face in his head.

-SS-

_TBC…_

I'm awful. I know. I'm sorry. I took forever. Please forgive me. - Mara


	30. Ch 30 Accomplishing the Impossible

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** I'm totally amazed at the number of reviews and favs and story alerts. Thank you all so much. An anonymous reviewer asked my usual update schedule and it has apparently become every 2 to 3 weeks, but I try to get things out sooner. I'm soon to be unemployed for a bit so maybe I will have a lot of time to write. Maybe. :)

**Thanks Jess and Stacy!**

_From Before…_

"_Excellent choice," Snape answered instantly. "I will meet you downstairs when you're ready and do not think for an instant that I will go easy on you," he smirked, giving one last pat to Harry's shoulder before withdrawing the hand that had somehow remained resting on the boy's back throughout their conversation. _

_Harry gave his professor a sincere smile and Severus rose from his seat and took his leave with an imprint of Harry's smiling face in his head. _

**Ch. 30 – Accomplishing the Impossible**

At the kitchen table of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Sirius, Remus, Arthur, and Molly sat arguing around Harry. Even with being seated on the end, the voices flying back and forth were enough to drive him crazy. He had been invited for dinner, but by the looks of their arguing, it would be awhile before he ate.

He missed Sirius and his friends, but right now he would have much preferred to be seated at the kitchen back at the manor enjoying a quiet dinner with his professor.

Harry had been here for twenty minutes and hadn't even made it past the kitchen to see his friends yet. Once he had stepped through the floo, he had been dragged into a conversation about his trial only days away.

The argument centered on who would accompany Harry now that Remus would be unavailable that day. The whole conversation only served to make Harry more and more nervous and he couldn't help but compare the exchange with how Snape would handle it. It wasn't as though Harry were worry-free while at the manor, but the professor always had a way of exuding confidence and explaining logically that everything would turn out fine. The four adults currently surrounding Harry exuded quite the opposite.

Sirius was stuck in the mode of outrage over how the Ministry seemed to be out to get his godson. Mrs. Weasley appeared to be restraining herself from coming over and squeezing Harry to death in a hug at any minute. Remus and Mr. Weasley were at least talking calmly and came to the conclusion that Arthur could accompany him, but then the debate was whether or not he would be allowed to actually stay with Harry while in the court room.

Harry tried his best to avoid eye contact with all of the adults so they wouldn't notice his nervousness. Instead, he spent the time studying the wood grain of the table.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Remus and Mr. Weasley had things somewhat settled and suggested Harry go upstairs in search of his fellow Gryffindors. He didn't need to be told twice and quickly made his escape before Mrs. Weasley could corner him.

Up on the second floor landing, Harry followed the sound of laughter to one of the lounges. The sight that greeted him as he stepped into the doorway brought a smile to his face. The twins were doubled over in laughter while Ron sported black stripes all over his exposed skin. Ginny and Hermione were both seated in chairs off to the side and although Hermione was reading and simply rolled her eyes, Ginny was obviously enjoying the new addition to her brothers appearance.

Ron was actually the first to notice Harry and his anger seemed to instantly dissipate from his face. "Oi! Mate, what are you doing here?"

The twins were still busy laughing their heads off, but the girls both looked up at Ron's statement.

"Harry!" they chorused with smiles.

Hermione immediately closed her book and beckoned Harry over to the couch next to her and Ginny, giving him her full attention while Ron went back to demanding the twins fix his skin from the apparent _Zebra Zinger _he ate.

"Your mum invited me to dinner," Harry said in reference to Ginny as he plopped down on the edge of the couch.

"Good! We haven't seen you enough this summer," the youngest Weasley piped up.

Harry gave her his best smile trying to ignore Hermione and her critical stare.

Finally Ron sunk down on the couch next to Harry giving him a similar look.

"I was doing some research for your hearing at the Ministry and they have no grounds to expel you," Hermione said matter-of-factly.

Harry wanted to cringe but kept his face as even as possible, resigning to the fact that he was never going to escape this subject.

"Well, they moved the date up to Friday," he started to explain.

"Why would they do that?" Ron asked while Harry could see the wheels turning in Hermione's head. She figured it out almost as fast as Snape, he noted.

"That's not the full moon is it?" she asked slowly.

"Basically," Harry answered. "The trial is the day after so Remus still won't be up for going."

"So who is going with you?" Ron asked, catching up on the conversation.

"I guess we all decided on your dad," Harry said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well it doesn't matter if they moved up the date. I've read all about it. Under-aged magic is permitted in front of Muggles if the safety of any parties involved is in question and clearly Dementors would qualify as an attack on your safety," Hermione said in full lecture mode.

Harry just bobbed his head in agreement. Although it was nice to know Hermione still had his back, Snape had already explained all of this to him and he would rather just forget about the whole topic for a little while.

Their conversation was interrupted by Mrs. Weasley calling up the stairs for them to come down for dinner. As the teens started filing out of the lounge, Ron grabbed Harry's arm and held him back for a minute.

Harry just stared up at his red-headed best friend. Ron was fidgeting a little with his feet, which made Harry even more nervous.

"Ron?" he finally questioned.

"Are you really all right, Harry?" Ron quickly asked back.

Harry was completely caught off guard and showed it by opening and closing his mouth a couple of times without coming up with any words.

"You look exhausted mate and well I umm… just want you to know that you can talk to me," Ron continued. "And I know you said things have been better with Snape, but if he is working you too hard you would tell someone right?"

"What? No. I mean he's not," Harry tried to amend quickly. "I just didn't sleep well last night. That's all."

"Is it the nightmares?" Ron asked locking eyes with Harry and refusing to look away.

For a second Harry didn't even realize he was holding his breath. "What nightmares?" he exhaled. _How did Ron know? Maybe it was just a strange guess_.

The brilliant blue eyes across from Harry finally dropped down to stare at the floor as Ron shoved his hands in his pockets and began shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"I uhh, wanted to talk to you about it sooner but never found a good time," the red-head mumbled, obviously uncomfortable with the topic, but surging on anyway.

Harry swallowed thickly and found he couldn't look away. _Ron knows_.

"Neville and I never told anyone, I swear. Not even Hermione," Ron said quickly seeing Harry's panic, but that statement only increased it.

_Neville too! _Harry was having a hard time processing everything. This wasn't how things were supposed to happen. If he ever told his friends about the nightmares, it was supposed to be on his own terms. Not like this.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Harry said, shaking his head in denial.

Ron laid an awkward hand on Harry's shoulder before continuing. "After the tournament and the graveyard… You must have kicked your curtains open. I know you had a silencing charm up because you weren't making any noise, but I could see you thrashing around in your bed. We were going to wake you, but then you seemed to stop. Neville and I agreed not to tell anyone and I was going to talk to you, but there just was never any time," he said awkwardly.

Harry's throat went completely dry at the revelation and he absently licked his lips. His only consolation was that Ron seemed as uncomfortable with the subject as he was.

"So I had a few nightmares. It's not that big of a deal," he said trying to act as nonchalant as possible.

"No one would blame you for having nightmares Harry. That's not what I'm saying," Ron said forcefully, seeming to gain more of his usual determination. "But obviously they were a regular occurrence if you knew in advance to put up a silencing charm. I may not be Hermione, but I can still put two and two together. And that next day you looked awful and lately you've looked the same… like today."

Harry regarded his best friend and was surprised at the concern he saw. Ron wasn't lying. He honestly didn't think less of Harry for having nightmares.

"They haven't gotten any better?" Ron asked with true concern.

"They're not that bad," Harry lied, darting his eyes away.

"They obviously are," Ron answered heatedly, but immediately curbed his temper. "Maybe you could talk to Sirius or someone. I'm sure they could get Snape to brew some type of Dreamless Sleep."

Harry turned away from Ron to play with some strange knickknack on the mantle before answering. It was an elephant carved out of some marble. "He already knows."

"You talked to Sirius?" Ron asked, clearly surprised.

"No. I meant Snape," Harry answered, looking back over at his friend in time to catch Ron's eyebrows rising into his hairline.

"How did that go?" Ron asked skeptically.

"We argued about it a bit because he wouldn't let me put up a silencing charm," Harry said as Ron's forehead furrowed in confusion.

Harry turned the elephant over in his left palm in an absent, repetitive manner as he surged on ahead. "He wakes me from them or once in a while he will give me a Dreamless Sleep. It's just not good to take on a regular basis."

"He wakes you from them?" Ron repeated slowly as if the words were foreign to him.

"Yeah. But don't say anything about this to anyone," Harry quickly amended, even if he was pretty sure Ron wouldn't go around telling everyone his business, it was Snape's business that he had to be concerned about now too.

"Harry, I don't think anyone would believe me if I did," Ron said, still in his own disbelief.

"We should probably get down to dinner," Harry said, setting the little elephant back down and moving towards the door in hopes of ending the conversation.

"Wait," Ron called out a bit desperately.

Harry stared back, trying to mask his trepidation. Ron looked suddenly nervous again, as if the whole awkward talk were starting anew.

"Maybe you should still talk to someone about them because whatever Snape is doing doesn't seem to be helping," Ron said, looking a little sheepish.

"No!" Harry snapped too defensively. "I mean he is helping. I know you don't believe it, but things really are different between us now."

Ron looked every bit as though he didn't believe a word Harry said. "It's hard to imagine after how he treated you in the past. I guess he seemed pretty concerned about you when you had that vision, but still."

Harry was suddenly struck with an idea and a smile lit his face. "Do you have your broom here?"

"What?" Ron asked in confusion. "Yeah, why?"

"Well, Snape lets me go flying, so maybe he would let you guys come over for an afternoon. I don't know if I could convince him to let the twins come, but you, Ginny, and Hermione shouldn't be a problem. The property around the manor is wicked and Hermione would be in heaven in his library," Harry rambled, growing more excited with every word.

Ron stared back with wide blue eyes as though Harry had completely lost his mind or else grown a second head. "And you think he would agree to that?"

It didn't take Harry long to answer, and honestly at that. Thinking about everything that had happened with the professor so far this summer, Harry ran through the possible scenarios of requesting this from Snape and every time he came to the same conclusion.

"Yeah, I do."

-SS-

Stepping out of the floo, Harry quickly righted himself and scanned the study, but was disappointed not to find the professor. However, his excitement over the prospect of having his friends visit quickly carried him from room to room in search of the dark man.

Starting with the ground floor, he checked the kitchen before moving down the hall to the potions lab. It was there that he found Snape hunched over three cauldrons of various colors all bubbling rapidly.

Just as Harry was about to announce himself, Snape confirmed the suspicion that he must have eyes in the back of his head.

"You have returned early," the professor stated evenly, without turning or looking up from his work.

"Err – Well, dinner ended a while ago," Harry stuttered slightly. The statement had caught him off guard and he certainly couldn't answer that he had just wanted to come home or missed the manor or some other equally ridiculous sentimentality.

Suddenly the prospect of asking Snape if his friends could visit made him extremely self-conscious. Was he taking too much liberty with how comfortable he felt here with Snape? It would be extremely rude to assume this was truly his home and he could invite friends over whenever he pleased.

Out of the corner of his eye Severus could see Harry shuffling his feet. The way he had burst into the room full of excitement had made Severus assume the boy had something to say, but now the teen looked like it had been knocked right out of him.

Severus found he much preferred the happy, excited teen to the nervous one that stood before him and hated even more the idea that he may have been the cause of that change.

"Since you are here, I would be pleased to have your assistance," he said, purposely implying that he wanted Harry here rather than he could just _use_ the boy. It worked instantly as the smile returned to the teen's face.

"Sure," Harry answered cheerfully. It would be easier to get up the courage to ask Snape if they were both busily working and it did sound like Snape wanted his company.

"Grind up that Valerian root," Snape said, gesturing with a point of his chin, since both hands were currently occupied stirring different cauldrons in opposite patterns.

After a few minutes of work in comfortable silence Harry produced the powdered root for Snape to add to the first cauldron and was immediately set to work chopping up Ginger root for the third potion.

"Your dinner was enjoyable?" Snape finally asked, hoping to elicit some explanation for the boy's mood upon entering the lab.

"Yeah it was okay. I guess Mr. Weasley is going to take me to my hearing," Harry answered nonchalantly, too involved in his own task to realize Snape was now taking this as an explanation for his anxious behavior.

"I thought we had discussed and agreed that I would handle that slight inconvenience and it was not something you should be concerning your time with," Severus scolded.

The professor's sharp tone had Harry's head snapping up immediately. "We did. I'm not. I mean, they were just talking and I tried not to let it bother me," Harry said, speaking really fast. "It seemed to make sense that Mr. Weasley would take me. I mean I would rather it was you, but that's not possible…" _Oh Merlin, did I just say that out loud?_

"I'm just going to shut up now." Harry could feel his face heating up at that last comment and dropped his attention back down to the piece of ginger in front of him to avoid Snape's reaction.

Although the comment instantly made Severus want to smile he didn't miss a beat. "My apologies for drawing the incorrect conclusion that you were upset about your trial. Your mood upon entering the lab implied that you were preoccupied with something. I too would prefer to accompany you to your hearing if only to ensure things are done properly," Severus said, speaking the last part with an air of superiority, as though the Ministry were a bunch of idiots.

That final statement surprised Harry so much that he looked up with a hopeful expression and completely forgot to refute the first part of Snape's statement. He wasn't hopeful that Snape could actually accompany him, but only that the professor truly meant he_ wished_ he could go.

"My assumptions were correct?" Severus asked.

Knowing he caught Harry off guard, he purposefully went back to the potions in front of him. "The ginger root, if you are done," he requested pretending to occupy himself with another ingredient.

Harry quickly gathered the diced pieces and set the small bowl next to the last cauldron. He watched as Snape added them with careful precision before he answered.

"Well, um, I had a favor to ask. You can say no." Harry quickly shook his head at the stupidity of that statement. "Of course you can say no, it's your house."

"Spit it out, Potter," Snape said with a humorous smirk. "At your rate we would be here all night before I even hear the request."

Although the professor wasn't directly facing Harry or even looking up, the lightness in the man's usually dark eyes was still evident to the teen and it was enough to encourage him on.

"I thought maybe if we finished all of our training one day, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny could come over to go flying for a little bit. Well Hermione doesn't like to fly, but she'd love to see the library. And I swear you wouldn't even realize we were here. We could stay outside all day, out of your way," Harry rambled quickly, trying to make it sound as appealing and unobtrusive to Snape as possible.

Severus smiled to himself. It was actually the perfect idea to take the boy's mind off the impending trial. With a small flick of his wand he switched off the flames to each potion as they came to their completion and finally looked up to meet Harry's expectant yet nervous face.

The teen was still completely unsure of himself and his place here at the manor and in the moment it took for Snape to formulate his response, Harry's face had already begun to fall.

"Yes, that would be acceptable, and no, you need not stay outside or out of sight. This is your home for the summer and you will regard it as such," he said firmly.

A small smile adorned Harry's face and slowly grew as Severus continued to speak.

"The only stipulation is this lab remains off limits. I will schedule extra lessons tomorrow so that they may arrive after breakfast on Thursday to spend the day here."

Harry knew he probably looked like a grinning fool, but he just couldn't contain it.

"Bottle off that first potion," Snape added pointing to the cauldron closest to Harry. "Then you may firecall Mr. and Mrs. Weasley to request permission."

Harry quickly set about completing his task as Snape portioned out the other two potions.

"Sir, I know I've been a huge inconvenience to you this summer, but I just want you to know I really do appreciate everything you've done for me," Harry said, glancing up to look at Snape.

"Yes, a _huge inconvenience_," Snape smirked as his dark eyes swept over Harry's hands and the potion vials he was currently filling.

"Well, I meant with everything else. All the extra work you've had to do," Harry amended picking up on the professor's sarcastic humor. "This is the least I can do."

"I acknowledge your appreciation, however, you need not thank me," Snape said, packaging up the vials in a small crate as Harry handed them to him.

A smile continued to light up Harry's face as he recognized all the other things Snape could have said, such as it being part of his job description, but didn't.

-SS-

Harry was practically skipping all the way to the study and the childish exuberance that would normally make Severus scowl actually had quite the opposite effect on the man. Today he was doing his best to contain a smile of his own.

It was so easy to please Harry. In fact it was probably too easy, but Severus could picture his own younger self in a similar position. There were always too many worries to find much pure enjoyment, except for Lily. She had a way of weaseling into his heart and making his spirit light up on even the dreariest of days. Her son certainly took after her in that respect, as he had managed to weasel his way in as well.

Severus felt a small sense of pride at the knowledge that whatever he had done so far this summer had encouraged Harry to come to trust him. It was an honor the boy would not bestow on many.

When they arrived in the study Harry didn't immediately approach the floo, but instead looked to Snape for one final confirmation that he had permission. He had never invited any friends over to his house and was quite uncomfortable with the protocol, not to mention it was nothing like when Ron invited him to the burrow.

That struck Harry with a new thought. If you had real parents maybe you didn't even need to ask for permission. Before second year Ron and the twins had stolen the car to pick him up without ever asking. And Mrs. Weasley hadn't been mad that he was there the next morning, only that they had flown a car all that way. Dudley certainly brought people over when he pleased, but Harry could hear Snape's voice in his head reminding him never to use the Dursleys as an example of normal.

Harry imagined Snape as a father and decided you would always have to ask permission from him.

"Is there a time you would prefer that they come?" Harry settled on actually asking.

"After breakfast will be sufficient. Also, inform Mrs. Weasley not to worry, Marla will be more than happy to serve lunch, dinner, and every manner of snack in between," Snape replied dryly.

Harry smirked at the thought of the overzealous house elf before nodding his head and making his way over to the hearth. He grabbed a handful of floo powder from the mantle and crouched in front of the fire. He hated floo travel and had even less experience with fire calling, but the powder had already begun to stick to his sweaty palm so in a split second he threw it onto the flames, calling out Grimmauld Place as he thrust his head in.

After the spinning subsided Harry found himself staring up at the familiar table, where luckily the two very people he needed to speak with were currently seated.

Mrs. Weasley appeared to be deep into her train of thought and had yet to notice his head in the flames, but Mr. Weasley spotted him immediately.

"Harry, what a surprise! Is everything all right?" he asked, rising from his seat to come closer.

Molly was right on his heels. "Harry, dear. What is it?" she asked worriedly.

"Nothing. Everything is fine," he quickly answered them.

Molly continued to eye him critically, searching for any sign that he was lying while Mr. Weasley spoke up again.

"Did you need to speak with Sirius?" he asked.

Harry shook his head in the negative. "No, actually I wanted to ask the both of you if Ron, Ginny, and Hermione could come over Thursday to go flying and stuff." He found himself nervous again under the strange looks the two adults were giving him.

"Of course dear," Molly answered sounding surprised, but trying to recover quickly. "And you obviously checked this all over with Professor Snape?" she asked.

"Yes. He said anytime after breakfast would be fine," Harry answered.

"All right. I will send them over at ten. How does that sound?" she asked sweetly.

Mr. Weasley had remained silent throughout the exchange, but gave Harry a bemused smile.

Harry nodded his head and smiled before disappearing from the flames.

The second he was gone, Molly rounded on her husband with wide eyes.

The Weasley patriarch was still grinning like a loon. "It appears Harry has accomplished the impossible."

-SS-

_TBC…_

Hope you all enjoy - Mara


	31. Ch 31 Self Doubts

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** I'm still amazed and so humbled by all the reviews and everything. Thank you all so much. Sorry this chapter took longer than I expected. I'm not unemployed quite yet, so I'll be busy through this weekend still. But I already have most of the next chapter done as well. :)

**Extra thanks to my beta's Jess and Stacy, who both work so hard for me! **I don't know what I would do without their input.

_From Before…_

_The second he was gone, Molly rounded on her husband with wide eyes. _

_The Weasley patriarch was still grinning like a loon. "It appears Harry has accomplished the impossible."_

**Ch. 31 – Self-Doubts**

It had been a long and stressful day filled with dueling, defense work, healing spells, and more attempts at silent spell casting and now it was time for the most dreaded lesson of all… _Occlumency_.

Even as he sneered the word in his head, Harry refused to allow himself to complain too much. It was worth it to be able to have his friends over tomorrow.

Following the professor into the study, he made it about half way across the room towards his usual spot before Snape stopped him.

"Take a seat on the sofa," the professor instructed.

Harry was so surprised by the strange directions that he just turned to stare at Snape. The man had somehow already slipped into one of the chairs that flanked the sofa.

Severus cocked one eyebrow at the unmoving teen and was about to snap out some sarcastic comment about his instructions obviously not being clear enough when Harry finally started back towards the offered seat.

As an expert Legilimens and Occlumens, Severus was holding to his theory on why Harry was failing so deplorably at the art, but conceded that a new approach was needed. After yesterday's discussions, Severus was confident he could get Harry's cooperation in this activity and hopefully it would help the boy make at least a small advancement.

Harry took a seat on the edge of the couch as though the position were only temporary and stared intently at his professor waiting for further explanation.

"Lie down," Snape instructed, gesturing with one hand for Harry to put his head nearest to him.

"Okay, now this is WAY too much like therapy!" Harry cried in outrage.

"I assure you, it is nothing of the sort," Snape said with a humorous smirk firmly in place.

"Then what is it?" Harry asked skeptically.

"Occlumency," Snape answered dryly.

Harry's brow furrowed in confusion even as he finally moved to do as he was told. "But I thought eye contact was necessary for Occlumency?" he asked. A_lthough it would be great if we could practice it like this, _he added, but kept that last part to himself, figuring it wouldn't be a good idea to suggest to Snape. 

"It is. This will be an exercise on clearing your mind," Snape explained.

With the angle of Snape's chair, Harry had to strain his eyes up and to the side even to get a glimpse of the man and even then he was looking through the outside of the field of his glasses so the professor was a bit blurry, but looked seemingly relaxed. He tried to relax a little himself, but anything to do with Occlumency kept Harry on edge.

"I will need to ask a few questions to begin with. Answer as honestly as possible," Snape instructed in a tone that implied the questions would be nothing more than _what is your name _or_ how old are you_.

"All right," Harry responded, only a small amount of his trepidation evident in his voice. Even though Snape said it wasn't therapy, he still couldn't help but feel that way. They were the perfect picture of a shrink with has patient lying on a couch. He had no idea what to do with his hands and finally settled on folding them across his stomach, nervously twiddling his thumbs. The position left him gazing up at the ceiling, something he had never taken much notice of. It was white of course but had an interesting molding along the edges of the room.

"In the vaguest sense possible, how would you categorize everything in your mind?" Snape asked breaking the silence.

The professor's smooth voice would have actually been very soothing if Harry hadn't been completely confused by the question.

"Uhh, I'm not sure what you mean sir," Harry answered.

"The mind is made up of memories, everything we have learned and experienced, our dreams and desires, the things we fear, all our worries. What is on the forefront of your mind? What items are the most easily recollected and consequentially, what are not? What are you unable to ignore?" Snape lectured. He had a pretty good idea as to the answers to all these questions, but he needed Harry to voice it himself in order to truly understand it.

_Definitely seems like therapy_, Harry whined to himself, thankful that they did not have eye contact for he had no doubt the professor would somehow guess that thought with or without Legilimency.

"Um, I guess I've been worried about a lot of things lately," Harry settled on answering vaguely, still not fully understanding what Snape was looking for.

"And which worries in particular?" Snape prompted.

Harry took a couple even breaths before finally answering the man. "The hearing at the Ministry… Voldemort…"

"Perhaps your relatives as well?" Snape added, not giving Harry time to drag out his answer.

Harry knew it would be stupid to deny at this point. "Yes."

"When we began Occlumency, blatant examples of your uncle's abuse never appeared. Were you not as concerned with it at that time?" Snape asked evenly.

Harry was chewing on the inside of his lip wondering if maybe a regular Occlumency lesson would be better than this. He exhaled audibly through his nose.

_This is pointless!_ They had spoken about the Dursleys at length just yesterday. What more could possibly be said about the topic?

Harry's opinion of the activity was evident in his hasty tone. "Whenever the school year started and I left the Dursleys in the past I would just push those thoughts out of my mind," he huffed.

_Oh._

Snape's silence implied this was exactly the point he had been aiming for all along.

"But I don't know how I did it," Harry spoke up frantically again. He was desperate to somehow explain his lack of progress. "And it's not like I was succeeding at Occlumency then and now I'm doing even worse."

"Harry," Snape said loudly enough to stop the boy's rambling. "Do not misconstrue the point I am trying to make. In no way do I wish that you return to that method. However, even if it were an unhealthy approach to occluding part of your mind, I wish to point out that you had succeeded in doing so," Snape explained methodically.

"What I wish for you to focus on now is the difference between the beginning of the summer and now. What has changed that you are no longer able to just _push _those thoughts out of your mind?" he added further.

"You," Harry snapped out before he could think twice about such a thing. "You won't leave me alone about it, or anything for that matter."

"Ah, so because I will not allow you to wallow in self-pity and self-blame for things that are in no way your fault, I am responsible for this change during Occlumency?" Snape asked sarcastically.

_Well if you put it that way_… "No." Harry had to take a minute to think about the best way to explain everything, but Snape appeared to be giving him as much time as he needed. "It's not that I ever liked the way things were… at the Dursleys, but I just got used to it being that way and – and now you keep telling me it was all wrong," he tried explain.

"And you do not believe that it was wrong?" Snape asked honestly with no hint of anger or frustration.

"I do I guess, but it's just a lot to take all at once," Harry answered.

"Understandably so," Snape reassured.

"But I don't understand what any of this has to do with learning to clear my mind," Harry said, straining his head up to the side to look at Snape for the first time since this whole exercise began.

Severus regarded the persevering teen for a moment before elaborating. "Some believe that Occlumency requires a detachment from one's thoughts and feelings. And this can be true in some cases, such as the example you presented at the beginning of the summer. I, however, am of the mindset that true mastery can only be achieved when one has complete acknowledgment and understanding of his own emotions." He refused to dwell on the hypocrisy of pushing Harry one step further, but he would not allow this boy to live his life blaming himself for the abuse he had suffered.

Harry's attention was completely captured at this point, but upon realizing what the professor was saying, he slowly returned his head to its normal position gazing back up at the ceiling. "So," he said slowly, "I won't be able to succeed at Occlumency until I can sort out all my problems." The sentence was finished with a deep sense of defeat.

"Not necessarily," Snape placated. "No one is ever truly free from worry. But I do believe that the art of Occlumency will come much easier once you've overcome this blame you wrongfully place on yourself. When any one of those memories surfaces during Occlumency you are completely consumed by it because you have yet to deal with it properly. You've spent your entire life ignoring the wrongs committed against you."

"Are you sure this isn't therapy?" Harry asked attempting to lighten the mood. He was pretty certain he heard what sounded like a brief chuckle coming from the professor.

"Impudent brat, close your eyes," Severus commanded.

Trying to contain his own snicker, Harry obeyed.

"Inhale deeply through your nose."

The instruction was followed by a long pause as Harry did as he was told.

"Now exhale slowly," the potion master continued in a deep, silky voice.

Harry found himself following the professor's instructions quite easily and after a few repeated cycles his head was starting to feel heavy.

"Imagine the place where you feel the safest, the most secure. Picture it's every detail, a room, a house, or perhaps an outdoor location. It may not even be a place, but instead the presence of another person," Snape's voice hummed on.

Harry smiled at the idea of the place he felt the safest. It was funny that Snape would be asking him to imagine its every detail when all he would have to do is open his eyes and look around at the manor. In fact, this very sofa reminded Harry of the few times Snape cared enough to let him sleep here and had made him feel for a few brief moments as though he were a normal kid.

"Imagine that feeling of safety so strong that absolutely nothing can harm you. A layer of magic encases you so strong that it is almost tangible."

Harry could picture it. He'd felt that safe around Snape.

"Now recall one memory from your childhood of your uncle hurting you, perhaps the memory in which you tied your cousins shoelaces together, but do not allow that feeling of safety to escape your grasp. Focus on your secure place, but also imagine that memory and how it can no longer hurt you."

Severus could see Harry following each one of his instructions by his changing facial expressions. He had looked so content and relaxed only a moment ago and Severus was extremely curious what place the boy had chosen. The Burrow came to mind first, or perhaps Hogwarts. There was also the possibility of being in the presence of his mutt of a godfather. But now after mentioning the elder Dursley, Harry's face had tightened up. However, Severus could see that Harry was fighting to hold onto that feeling of safety.

"Now push that memory outside the field of magic protecting you, to the edge of your mind, to the brink of your consciousness where it is almost forgotten, but not quite. Focus back on that place, _your place_, where there is nothing to hurt you. Breath in deeply and strengthen that field of magic."

Severus continued in a low hum instructing Harry to breathe in and out until he was certain the boy was on the brink of falling asleep, but satisfied that the child would at least retire to bed relaxed for once.

Marla popping into the room with a tray of tea was what finally roused Harry and he rose to a sitting position to see a cup placed on the coffee table in front of him while the professor was already sipping his own.

"You'd make a good psychiatrist," Harry said with a cheeky grin. The professor's dark eyes sparkled back at him with that same lightness Harry had come to know as amusement.

-SS-

Harry slipped into bed, noxed the lights, and set his wand down on the nightstand. Just as he was about to pull off his glasses he heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," he called, thinking about how strange those words seemed as he'd never really been in a position before where he could use them. He strained his eyes to see the door through the dark. A sliver of light appeared and grew until Harry could see the dark silhouette of Professor Snape.

The man could easily have looked every bit as scary as Harry had grown used to thinking his first four years of Hogwarts, but something had definitely changed over the summer and now the looming figure was a welcomed sight.

"I simply wanted to remind you to practice the techniques we went over this evening as you attempt to fall asleep," Severus said as he drew closer and lit the lights to a soft glow. _And it had absolutely nothing to do with wanting to wish you goodnight_, he firmly told himself.

Harry shook his head in understanding. "All right," he said optimistically.

He could feel the professor's eyes raking over him, but they were as unreadable as ever, especially in the dim lighting. He thought, however, that he could sense a small bit of approval.

"Also, you may use the morning to obtain a few added hours of rest before your guests arrive," Snape finally said.

Harry's eyes widened first in surprise, but second, in nervousness. He had come to enjoy breakfast with the professor. Even if they spoke very little, the silence was comfortable. And most of all, it made him feel normal, as though he belonged.

"Well what are you going to be doing?" he asked hastily. He hoped he didn't sound too needy, but he realized the summer days were dwindling and a part of him wanted to enjoy this side of the professor for as long as he could.

There was only the tiniest of quirks in Snape's eyebrows before his face resumed its typical impassiveness. "I will be taking breakfast at the usual time and will then be working in the lab most of the day," he said evenly.

"Would you want my help?" Harry asked, trying to sound casual.

"That would be agreeable," Snape said.

A smile flickered across Harry's face before he schooled his features much the way Snape had only moments before.

"BUT, only if you are well rested," Snape added threateningly. "To bed!" he commanded as he noxed the lights with a wave of his hand.

Harry scrambled to lay down completely feeling wonderfully content. "Goodnight sir," he called out into the dark.

"Goodnight Mr. Potter," Snape responded in an uncharacteristically warm voice just before he pulled the door shut.

-SS-

Harry stood anxiously in the study at five minutes to ten. True to their conversation the previous night, he had woken at his usual time to have breakfast with the professor and then helped the man brew for a few hours. The activity had actually been helpful keeping his mind from growing too anxious over the idea of having guests. Harry had also slept amazingly well last night, but wasn't completely sure whether the cause was the new exercise on clearing his mind or the lack of an actual Occlumency lesson.

But now the teen was seated anxiously on the couch, one foot tapping as his fingers unconsciously picked at the nails on his opposite hands, completely unaware of the potions master standing just out of sight beyond the doorway.

Severus concluded that he would be a terrible guardian of the boy and his friends for the day if he didn't even make sure they arrived alright, but that could easily be accomplished without personally greeting the Gryffindors and welcoming them to his home. Thus he was currently spying on the study.

Right on time the clock began chiming ten just as the floo flared green. Harry jumped up as the Weasley boy fell unceremoniously out of the fire. The red-head barely got out of the way when the two girls appeared.

Severus watched as they passed around greetings while the youngest male of the Weasley clan gaped at his surroundings.

"Bloody Hell!" Ron exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Ronald," Hermione hissed. Severus could tell she was looking around cautiously, afraid her scary potions professor might pop out at any second and deduct points, and oh how easy that would be to comply. However, he had no desire to give up his position.

"But have you seen this place Hermione?" Ron said as he spun around again, gazing at everything with a mixture of shock and awe.

"Maybe if you stopped gaping like a fish out of water, Harry could give us a tour," Ginny said, smiling at the boy in question. Severus found he could certainly tolerate this Weasley easier than most of the others. She could be ruthless when necessary, but of course that would come with growing up with six elder brothers.

Harry looked completely surprised by the request for a second before answering. "Sure, you can put your brooms over there," he said, indicating the patio doors leading to the backyard.

While the two Weasleys did as instructed, Severus turned his attention to the Granger girl and had to smirk. She was taking in the room as though it were a new topic in class, just itching to learn every possible detail of the subject matter.

"Has Professor Snape told you the history of the manor?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with interest. Everything was obviously a potential learning experience for the girl.

"The history?" Harry repeated, confused.

"Yes, the history," Hermione said as though explaining the concept of two plus two. "I've read about wizarding homes and a manor such as this would usually be passed through generations of one family. I haven't seen the surname Snape in any genealogy books, but it could also have been passed down from his mother's side," she explained. Severus certainly couldn't deny the little witch's deductive reasoning ability.

"Where is the bat anyway?" Ron whispered.

Harry flashed his friend a quick glare as Ginny elbowed her brother hard in the ribs. Yes, Severus certainly liked this Weasley the best.

Ron rubbed his side and looked even more repentant under the sharp gaze of Hermione.

"I honestly have no idea where he got the manor," Harry said, continuing the conversation as though they hadn't been interrupted. "I will have to ask him about it when I get the chance."

Severus slipped silently back down to his lab as the group of teens started to make their way through various rooms on the ground floor with Harry filling in details of his daily routine.

It was about an hour later that Severus stealthily located the teens on the second floor exploring the library. Their first impression of the room was something he hadn't wanted to miss, or more specifically, Miss Granger's impression was something he hadn't wanted to miss.

All three of the guests were obviously impressed with room as it rivaled the one found at Hogwarts, but it was possibly the first time he had seen the Granger girl completely speechless. She was taking cautious, light steps around the room and lifted a hand towards the nearest bookshelf to let her fingers barely ghost over the spines of the various tomes.

Ginny and Ron had a little less reverence for the place but none the less held some appreciation for it.

"Wicked! We have all that space to go flying?" Ron asked from his position in front of one of the large windows. Severus sneered at the boy's blatant disregard for the point of the entire room.

"Yup," Harry said still smirking at Hermione's antics. "Well, the wards run along that stone wall so we have to stay within that," he added.

Having done his duty of checking on the teens to make sure everything was still going smoothly, Severus made his escape once again. He could care less about actually spying on the teens, hearing the Weasley boy fawn over the prime Quidditch property or making snide comments about his potions professor.

Slipping into his bedroom, he pulled the door shut without a sound to ensure no one noticed his presence in the hallway just moments before. He made his way over to his desk to grab one of the research journals he had forgotten to take down to the lab this morning and instantly flipped it open to the section on the Wolfsbane he was still trying to improve.

Every month Severus made a minute, yet possibly consequential change to the formula hoping to improve the potion. He may have put up a fuss about having to brew it every month for Lupin initially, but the opportunity for a test subject was actually priceless. Not many potions masters would have the opportunity to experiment with such a thing and test it on such a regular basis. And Lupin was on board with anything that gave him hope to make his monthly transformations more bearable.

He was lost in thought on the idea of increasing the amount of aconite on the last day the potion was to be taken in addition to increasing the amount of wormwood to counteract the poisonous properties of the previous ingredient, when he stepped back out into the hall and realized the teens had moved to Harry's bedroom. Like most of the time Harry would spend in his room, the boy's door was open and curiosity got the better of Severus.

Risking a small glance around the door frame Severus could see the two girls sitting at the end of Harry's bed looking through his photo album while Harry and the Weasley boy were over by the window deep in conversation. He would have assumed it was another discussion on Quidditch except for the fact that the two boys were whispering.

Hermione jumped up from the bed suddenly and Severus almost ducked his head back until he realized she was going in the other direction. Something on Harry's desk had apparently caught her attention.

Turning his own attention back to Miss Weasley, Severus realized she was nearing the end of Harry's photo album. If the Granger girl had stayed a moment longer she might have been in for quite the surprise… _unless Harry removed the note._

Severus could only assume that was the case until he saw the red-head stall on one page. Her soft features scrunched up in confusion for a moment and her free hand moved to point at something on the page as if she were about to ask for clarification on the item. But almost as abruptly as she had opened her mouth to speak, she quickly shut it and darted her eyes up to make sure the other occupants of the room hadn't noticed the gesture. Seemingly satisfied that everyone else was currently engaged, Ginny went back to studying the item of interest.

Severus could see the girl's expression change from confusion to comprehension and if she were indeed looking at the note, she had just worked out who it was from. He expected a look of disgust to cross her face at any second, but instead she just smiled.

_Perhaps he was reading the entire display wrong._ It was probably just another photo of the boy's long lost family. Severus certainly couldn't imagine receiving a welcome like that from a Weasley.

He slipped back down the hall to immerse himself in his potions work for the day.

-SS-

It wasn't as though Severus did not trust Harry. He was quite confident he had drilled their meal schedule into the boy's head and was equally confident the Weasley boy wouldn't go two hours without sustenance, but Severus also knew how easily teenagers could be distracted. Thus he was using his spying abilities in his own home once again to make sure the teens showed up for lunch.

He had no intention of joining them. He tortured himself enough answering the Dark Lord's summons. He certainly didn't need to spend lunch outside of school with four half-witted Gryffindors.

Perhaps _three_ half-witted Gryffindors, Severus conceded. He had to finally admit to himself that Harry's company could be categorized as less than dreadful.

Severus ducked into the doorway of the unused dining room as the teens came down the stairs laughing and generally making a raucous. Focusing on the messy-haired teen in the middle, Severus could see that Harry's features were at ease. He could put up with his home being invaded by Gryffindors with the knowledge that at least they could help the boy relax for a little while. It was probably something he would never be able to accomplish, even with how much Harry had come to trust him, Severus thought pessimistically.

He didn't stick around after they disappeared into the kitchen, but if he had, Severus would have seen Harry's crest-fallen face when Marla told him Snape would not be dining with them.

-SS-

The group spent the remainder of the day enjoying the wonderful weather, playing Quidditch, exploring the property, lounging under the large weeping willow trees, playing exploding snaps or just relaxing. After coming in for dinner and Harry again being disappointed that Snape didn't join them, he suggested they hang out in the study and play a few games before his friends would have to leave.

Harry secretly hoped that by choosing the study they would finally run into Snape. Earlier, Harry had explained the new mind-clearing activity Snape had taught him to Ron and he was really excited for his friend to witness firsthand how much their relationship had changed. However, as the hours of the day slowly disappeared and Snape never made an appearance, his optimistic mood was rapidly deteriorating.

When his friends finally left, Harry contemplated heading down to the potions lab to make sure the professor was still alive, but decided against it. If the man didn't care to check on him at all today, why would Harry bother either? Instead he went up to bed even though it was only nine. He tried his best to practice the new relaxation techniques, but now, alone, it seemed all his worries about the trial tomorrow came back full force.

-SS-

Marla informed Severus of the departure of Harry's friends and he intended to head upstairs and check on the boy and speak to him before bed, but by the time he had finished up the crucial step he was on in his potion and got upstairs, Harry's door was already closed. It was just last night that he had knocked and entered, but it seemed strange to Severus to attempt that same thing today. The boy obviously had a fabulous day with his friends if all the times Severus had checked on them was any indication. Harry didn't need his professor wishing him goodnight.

They would have time to discuss last minute details of the trial tomorrow morning.

-SS-

_TBC…_ Up next: the day of the trial. - Mara


	32. Ch 32 The Simple Truth

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line. Also, portions of this chapter are paraphrased/cited directly from JKR's OotP. Anything remotely resembling JKR's work does not belong to me nor does the summary of places created by her. I'm just enjoying playing with the characters.

**A/N:** Thank you all again for the amazing reviews and responses. As I announced impending unemployment it has now been completely delayed since my boss is moving back to Turkey. Now I'm working six days a week till they can replace him. Also, hope everyone doesn't mind the brief summary of some events that took place in OotP before Harry's trial at the Ministry. I tried to make it much shorter since I'm assuming most, if not everyone, have read that book and can imagine the setting.

**Wonderful beta, Jess! –** But I did add a few things and didn't get the chance to run it by her so blame me for any final mistakes.

**Ch. 32 – The Simple Truth**

Harry's night had been plagued with dreams of his trial, beginning with him waking extremely late and unable to find Snape anywhere and ending with his wand being snapped as everyone yelled at him. The voices seemed to get louder and louder and sounded distinctly like Snape.

"Potter, get up!" Severus said firmly for the fifth time, finally shaking the boy's shoulder. The child was ridiculous, sometimes waking as though startled and other times being simply impossible to rouse.

"Huh," Harry mumbled incoherently in response, rolling over a little.

"You need to leave early for your hearing and I will not have you skipping breakfast," Snape explained.

Despite the reminder, there was still no response from Harry.

"Get. Up. Now!"

The sharp snap of the professor's voice was enough to finally rouse Harry and he rubbed a tired hand at his eyes trying to make sense of the man moving about. Eventually a bit of awareness dawned on him, realizing he was in his room and the professor was talking about the trial.

_What is he doing in my wardrobe? _

"Sir?" Harry questioned before stifling a yawn. He pulled himself up to sitting while reaching for his glasses.

Snape pulled out a pair of gray trousers and a blue button up shirt along with a blazer that matched the trousers.

"You will need Muggle attire that is presentable. Wear this," he instructed as he laid the articles of clothing at the foot of Harry's bed. "I expect you in the kitchen in twenty-five minutes."

He gave Harry a pointed look that demanded a response and Harry quickly nodded his head. He was still trying to work out what had just taken place as Snape swept from the room, his black robe swirling behind him.

Harry was still extremely disappointed remembering the events from yesterday, but he couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as he put everything together. Ron would be mortified if his parents were instructing him on what to wear, but Harry found he loved the gesture. It wasn't that he thought himself incapable of picking out presentable clothing and he knew Snape didn't do it because he doubted Harry's ability either. But the man cared enough to take one little thing off his mind this morning. At the very least, he would look presentable.

-SS-

Twenty minutes later Harry made his way downstairs. The finely tailored clothing looked flawless, but his hair was another story. His hand absently attempted to smooth down the messy, and now wet, mop of black locks.

Surprisingly, Snape wasn't in the kitchen when Harry entered, but then again, Harry was five minutes early, which was a shock in itself. At his seat he found a small portion of scrambled eggs along with toast and fresh fruit. There was also a steaming cup of the soothing tea Snape would always provide in the middle of the night.

Harry marveled at how well the professor had gotten to know him, realizing he wouldn't be able to stomach much more.

Snape took that moment to appear and slipped into his own chair across from Harry. He was the perfect picture of alertness and Harry envied the man's cool, calm, and collected demeanor. Of course Snape wasn't the one heading to the Ministry this morning and thus had no reason to be anything other than calm.

For a minute Harry thought there was something different about the professor, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it and was a bit too anxious about the day's activities to dwell on that feeling for long.

"How did you sleep?" Snape asked, breaking the silence.

"Fine." Harry gave the programmed response instinctively and was too involved in playing with his eggs with the tines of his fork to notice Snape's critical glare.

"You have nothing to worry about today," Snape said. The soft tone had Harry looking up to meet the man's eyes. "Limit your answers to the simple truth. Be confident in your replies, but do not allow your temper to get away from you."

Harry nodded his head and committed the man's words to memory… _simple truth… confident… no temper_. Snape, the professor that used to make Harry anxious just with a single look, now seemed to be the most calming presence in his life. If only the man could be there to repeat those words right before his trial.

Yesterday's events were still nagging in the back of his mind though and he had to wonder if he had been wrong about how much the professor really cared.

The two wizards finished their meals in silence until Harry was clearly not planning on eating anymore and simply pushing things around.

With a reheating charm and a simple spell, Snape had the cup of forgotten tea inching across the table. Harry couldn't help the small grin that pulled at his lips as he looked up to see his tea cup dancing towards him. Snape had one eyebrow cocked in a mock glare, but allowed a small smirk to grace his own face.

Taking the hint, Harry began sipping at the tea.

"Meet me in the study when you are finished," Snape said as he rose from his seat.

"Why were you avoiding me yesterday?" Harry blurted out. The trial was making him extremely edgy and there was nothing he could do about it, but the feeling that Snape didn't actually care was something he could.

The professor looked completely caught off guard, but immediately schooled his features in typical Snape fashion.

"Harry, I was not avoiding you. I simply thought you might desire some time alone with your friends," Snape answered.

Harry wasn't sure what to reply to that. He hadn't actually worked the whole conversation through in his head when he initially blurted out that question, but the man seemed sincere and he was calling him by his first name. There were a million more questions he could ask. _Was that what he would have to look forward to when school started? _He knew the professor said they would have to act like they still hated each other in front of some people, but now Harry wasn't sure if Snape would prefer they do it in front of everyone.

"Meet me in the study," Snape repeated, breaking into Harry's long silence.

Harry could only nod his head and then Snape disappeared from the room.

As the kitchen door swung shut it finally hit Harry. _Snape was wearing pin-striped slacks!_

Downing the rest of his tea quickly, Harry hurried to the study, deciding it would be better to just get this day moving and over with.

Just as he entered the room, Mr. Weasley appeared from the floo. He had a muggle bomber jacket on and was carrying a briefcase along with some loose papers.

At the sight of his friend's father Harry felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped over his head.

_It was really happening._

"Harry," Arthur called out warmly. "Don't you look dashing." He set his briefcase and papers down to embrace Harry in a warm handshake and one-armed hug.

"Umm, yeah," Harry stuttered, glancing down at his own appearance before turning his attention back to all of Mr. Weasley's stuff. "What's all that?" he asked.

"This?" Arthur asked waving his hand over the pile on the coffee table. "Just some paperwork that I need to catch up on."

"Oh. Right," Harry said, realizing how stupid the question must have been. Of course, they were going to Mr. Weasley's job so it would make sense that the man would bring work with him.

Harry was saved from making any more small talk by the sound of someone clearing his throat from the doorway, but when he looked over for Snape he was flabbergasted at the sight that greeted him. His head snapped back to Mr. Weasley standing next to him and then back over to the Mr. Weasley standing in the doorway. Both were grinning, or in the case of the Mr. Weasley in the doorway, smirking at Harry in amusement.

"Severus," Arthur greeted genially. "The clothes match perfectly. Oh, and you'll need this," he said, pulling off his jacket.

"Thank you, Arthur," the other Mr. Weasley replied in Snape's formal voice, as he approached the real Arthur and shook hands before taking the offered garment.

Harry found he was still unable to form words and just stared at the exchange between the two identical men. He watched as Snape slipped a vial into one of his inner pockets. It had contained a strange substance that looked similar to that which Harry had seen in Snape's pensieve.

"Potter, go through to headquarters. I will be along momentarily," the second Mr. Weasley said turning to him.

Harry found something of those fathomless dark eyes that were distinctly Snape were still present on the Mr. Weasley in front of him and he could do nothing but search them for some kind of understanding. They looked so sincere that Harry had to believe Snape was doing this for him. He nodded his head and made his way towards the floo. Grabbing some powder off the mantel, he turned to give the two men one last look.

"And I'm certain I don't need to explain why this needs to be kept quiet until today is over," Snape said.

Harry bobbed his head up and down again, still unable to speak.

The real Mr. Weasley must have interpreted his silence as nervousness. "Everything will go fine today Harry. Don't you worry," he said genially.

"Thanks Mr. Weasley," Harry finally said, looking between the two men, hoping Snape would understand the gratitude was directed just as much towards him.

_Oh to hell with it! _"Thank you Professor," he added just to be sure.

Throwing the floo powder down, Harry disappeared from the study and tumbled out the other end into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. It was too early for his friends to be up, but Sirius and Mrs. Weasley were sitting at the table and jumped up instantly upon his arrival. Sirius looked ready for the day, either that or he had never gone to sleep the night before, but Mrs. Weasley was still wearing a purple dressing gown.

"Harry, dear. Can I fix you something for breakfast?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"No thanks. I already ate," Harry answered before Sirius engulfed him in a big hug and then ushered him into a chair.

"Well you could at least use a cup of tea," Mrs. Weasley scolded lightly, giving him an appraising glance before bustling over to fix one up for him.

"That's not necessary Mrs. Weasley. Sn- Mr. Weasley will be along any minute and we'll have to get going," Harry said, recovering quickly from the slip he almost uttered.

The Weasley matron completely ignored him and continued to prepare his tea.

"Everything will be fine today," Sirius said, patting his hand lightly.

Harry felt like a robot, resigned to the fact that he seemed only capable of nodding his head whenever someone said something like that. He had tried to stop entertaining the possibility of being expelled from Hogwarts lately, but now he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if that scenario came to life. Would Snape want him to keep living there? That was too much to hope for. Maybe he could live here with Sirius and they could be fugitives together. Snape promised he wouldn't have to go back to the Dursleys at least.

-SS-

Severus and Albus had discussed all possible ramifications of going in Arthur's place, but the look on Harry's face had been confirmation enough that this course of action had been the correct one. After the initial confusion had worn off, Harry had still stood in shock, but Severus could see the boy's eyes shining in admiration. Surprisingly, Severus had allowed himself to show a small smile in return, knowing it would look quite natural on Arthur Weasley's face.

Once Harry disappeared through the floo, Severus quickly tackled the necessary pleasantries.

"Arthur, I would like to give you one last opportunity to change your mind on this matter," Snape offered politely, although he wouldn't actually allow it and already knew the Weasley patriarch wouldn't either.

"Don't be ridiculous Severus. You will serve Harry much better today since it was your memory originally. And I can't deny your argumentative abilities," he said humorously. "Although I am still not sure how you plan to convince them to allow you into the hearing."

"They will let me in," Snape stated simply. "I may need to be a bit more forceful than what is considered typical of your character, however, and standing in support of the boy-who-lived may negatively affect your career."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Arthur said with a smile. "Harry is like a part of the family. I would never deny supporting him."

Snape gave a small nod. "You have free run of the manor. If you are in need of anything at all please call on Marla. She will prepare lunch or anything else you might need."

"Thank you Severus. It will be a great opportunity for me to catch up on all this paperwork," Arthur answered, gesturing to the pile of things he brought with him.

Snape gave one final nod and made his way over to the floo pulling the bomber jacket on as he went. He had a copy of Lupin's memory placed securely in one inner pocket and the flask of Polyjuice potion secure in another. He would not dwell on the possibility of the Dark Lord summoning him. Today needed to run smoothly.

-SS-

"Ready, Harry?" Snape asked, stepping out of the floo. He was greeted with warm, sympathetic smiles from both Sirius and Molly while Harry just sat there gawking at him. Severus tried to imagine the look on Black's face if he ever found out he had actually just smiled at his boyhood nemesis.

"We had best get going. It will look better if we arrive early," he said.

"Don't be ridiculous Arthur. Let the boy finish his tea," Molly said pushing a cup towards Harry. "You could use one yourself. You rushed off so quickly this morning," she scolded as she went over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. In an instant she had another cup poured and waiting at the seat across from Harry.

Harry continued to stare, obviously unsure if the man he was seeing was indeed Arthur Weasley as everyone else seemed to think.

"Molly, dear. I believe Harry already had tea with Professor Snape and it truly would be best if we got an early start," Snape said in perfect Arthur format, giving the witch, who was supposed to be his wife, a warm smile.

Sirius rose from his seat and extended his arm to give Snape a friendly handshake. Leaning across the table he quietly thanked 'Arthur' for being there for Harry while he could not.

Severus graciously dismissed Sirius. "Think nothing of it. We'll have this matter cleared up in no time. Well then, shall we head out Harry?" he asked, turning his warm gaze to the boy in question.

"Right," Harry answered, rising from his seat, still obviously confused.

Sirius pulled Harry into another hug as soon as he stood. When they moved apart he left his hands on Harry's shoulders and ducked his head so they were at the same eye level. "Everything will be fine," he said, squeezing Harry's shoulders. "And if not, I'll take care of those bastards."

"SIRIUS BLACK!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked in outrage over his language.

Sirius just rolled his eyes as he was shoved out of the way by the overprotective witch.

"Now don't you worry, Harry. Just tell them the truth," she said as she smoothed out his jacket and began attempting to comb his hair.

Severus wasn't sure if the Weasley matriarch had been hiding the offending item in her pocket all along or transfigured it just then, but he took pity on Harry and saved him from more fussing by placing a guiding hand on the boy's arm and steered him to the door.

With one last wave the two made their way out of the kitchen and towards the front door.

-SS-

It wasn't until they were out on the street that Harry spoke. The man next to him was walking and talking just like Arthur Weasley and Harry needed to know.

"Sir," he interrupted tentatively. "Is it really you?"

"Potter, why would we pretend I was accompanying you only to trick you in the end?" Snape asked rhetorically, rolling his eyes.

Harry found himself smiling. That was definitely Snape.

"I just didn't know if you would be able to act that much like Mr. Weasley," Harry answered as he quickened his steps to keep up with Snape. The man was maintaining a brisk pace and obviously had his hand clenched around his wand in his pocket. "But you were really convincing."

"Potter," Snape said slowly, as though he were talking to a two-year old. "Have you forgotten that I pretend to be someone I am not every day? Your faith in me is flattering," he added sarcastically.

Harry was sure Snape wasn't actually offended, but he still felt the need to clarify. "I know, but you're used to that," he said.

"You never get used to it," Snape said darkly.

Harry found himself at a loss for words after that comment. Without even realizing it, they had already made it the Muggle underground and began descending the stairs, Harry with a lot more on his mind then a few minutes earlier.

He respected the man immensely for the part he was playing and knew it was a dark and dangerous job from firsthand experience, but perhaps he had never seen the full picture until that moment. Snape's job demanded he _pretend_ to be a cold, uncaring man, but that didn't necessarily mean he _was_ cold or uncaring. In fact, Harry had seen the professor be very caring in his own way this summer and maybe Snape needed to be loved and have a family just as much as Harry did.

They walked the rest of the way down in silence and Snape stepped up to a booth to purchase two tickets. The next subway had just appeared and they had to hurry to board it.

Once inside the car Snape pushed Harry into a seat while he held onto an overhead bar in front of him.

Harry felt extremely guilty for his insensitive comment. Snape was taking a big risk even being here today and the man did it all just for him. Even if Snape didn't honestly care about him and was only doing this out of duty, Harry wanted to make it very clear that he appreciated it all.

"Sir, I'm sorry about what I said." He looked up to meet the man's eyes.

Severus opened his mouth to snap back at Harry, but abruptly closed it as he glanced around. He had just finished ranting about his superb acting abilities and yet somehow this boy managed to get him on edge enough that he almost slipped and called him Potter on the crowded subway. He didn't think anyone was following them, but there was always that possibility.

"Harry, stop torturing yourself with guilt over trivial things," he said quietly.

"But this isn't trivial. You've done so much for me and my assumption was disrespectful and ungrateful," Harry retorted back.

Whatever argument Severus might have had, it died on his lips. This boy never ceased to amaze him.

"Apology accepted," he said.

Harry gave him a small smile before dropping his head to stare at his intertwined fingers.

It wasn't long before their stop and Snape ushered Harry off the subway and up the stairs to the street. While their walk to the underground had been eerily quiet and desolate, they now joined a throng of Muggle business people heading to work. Snape kept a firm hand on Harry's shoulder to ensure they weren't separated. He directed Harry down a couple blocks until they entered a drabby section of town that was much emptier.

Harry was lost in thought when Snape stopped abruptly in front of a section of buildings covered in graffiti. A dilapidated phone booth stood next to them and the professor pulled the door open.

"In," he commanded simply.

"What?" Harry was sure he must have heard the professor incorrectly.

"Was my instruction confusing in any way?" Snape asked, still holding the door open.

Although it was Mr. Weasley's face grinning at him with one eyebrow raised, Harry could picture the exact smirk Snape would be making.

"This is how we get to the Ministry?" Harry asked as he moved to step into the dingy little box.

"No. I need to make a phone call. I forgot I left the stove on," Snape mocked as he squeezed in next to Harry and removed the receiver as if he was going to do just that.

Harry laughed in earnest before responding. "I just didn't expect it to be this rundown looking."

"Very few use the visitor's entrance," Snape said as he punched in a short series of numbers. The receiver hung in his left hand.

If it wasn't for Snape's ever confident attitude, Harry would have wondered if the man knew you were supposed to hold the receiver up next to your ear, but then a cool female voice filled the inside of the telephone box.

"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and business."

"Arthur Weasley, Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, escorting Harry Potter to a disciplinary hearing," Snape stated clearly.

"Thank you," said the cool female voice. "Visitor, please take the badge and attach it to the front of your robes."

There was a click and a rattle, and Harry saw something slide out of the metal chute where returned coins usually appeared. Snape picked it up and passed it to him. It was a square silver badge with _Harry Potter, Disciplinary Hearing_ on it. He pinned it to the front of his blazer as the female voice spoke again.

"Visitor to the Ministry, you are required to submit to a search and present your wand for registration at the security desk, which is located at the far end of the Atrium."

And with that final announcement the box shuddered as a grinding noise began. Ever so slowly, Harry could see the ground level rising up as the phone box descended into darkness. With every passing second Harry could feel his heart beat speeding up.

Finally the darkness was broken by a warm light that started at his toes and rose up the length of the box and with one final click, the door popped open.

Stepping out into the Atrium, Harry was in complete awe as Snape kept a hand on his back, guiding him through the throngs of witches and wizards coming and going.

The place reminded Harry of the vast waiting room at King's Cross only this was even larger. The beautifully domed ceiling was covered in intricate gold symbols that were constantly changing. Apparition booths lined one side of the hall while hearths flared to life on the other. To Harry it seemed like a massive amount of witches and wizards were continually passing through the floo networks.

A magnificent statue stood in the center of the court, but Harry was disrupted from getting a better look at it by Snape, who ushered him up to the visitor's desk.

He produced his wand for inspection and tried to brush his hair down across his forehead better as the security wizard seemed to be staring at him with intrigue. Luckily Snape kept everything moving quickly only conversing enough to enquire about the location and time of Harry's trial.

"Unbelievable," Snape muttered under his breath.

Harry just barely heard the man amongst all the hustle and bustle as he was dragged off toward a hallway lined with magical lifts and a large plaque indicating the different departments and what floor they were on.

"What happened?" Harry asked when Snape finally stopped walking. He was slightly concerned over the professor's obviously agitated state.

"They moved the location and time of your hearing," he said simply.

Just then a lift to their right opened and they quickly stepped in.

"When is it?" Harry inquired further.

"Five minutes."

The man disguised as Mr. Weasley was staring at the numbers on the lift, watching as the floors went by and his simple response was enough to instantly renew Harry's anxiety about the coming events.

"Listen, Harry," Snape said in a low voice, dipping his head so the other occupants wouldn't really be able to overhear them. "The headmaster may make an appearance at your trial."

At these words Harry's eyes widened with more worry and Snape quickly hastened his explanation.

"I'm unsure of when he will arrive since they moved the time up, but do not be alarmed at his presence or the fact that he may seem to be avoiding eye contact with you. It would be best if you do the same. In fact, I ask that you employ some of our mind clearing activities to focus your thoughts elsewhere. His support will be influential among many of the members of the Wizengamot."

"What if – what if I do something?" Harry hissed out in a whisper.

"You will not. Just focus on me," Snape answered firmly, drilling Harry with an intense stare.

With a nervous gulp Harry nodded his head in agreement.

Just then the lift chimed for the last stop and Snape snapped his head up. Ushering Harry out of the lift, they quickly made their way down another long corridor and then a couple sets of stairs.

Things felt more and more ominous with every step. It was as if they were heading to the dungeons of the Ministry, Harry thought.

Finally they entered one last corridor with a door at the end that looked vaguely familiar to Harry, but Snape stopped much earlier at a side door. A ministry employee wearing deep blue robes was guarding the entrance and immediately stood at attention at their approach.

"Arthur Weasley and Harry Potter," Snape said officially, gesturing with his hand to Harry. "We're here for an under-aged magic hearing."

"Arthur," the man said as he nodded in greeting. "Mr. Potter can go right on in."

He stepped aside just enough for Harry to slip by, but Snape refused to release his grip on Harry's shoulder.

"Todd," Snape said with an equal nod. "I'll be accompanying Harry."

Harry wondered briefly how Snape knew the employee's name, but his attention was focused more on the last part of Snape's sentence. The professor wasn't going to let him face this alone.

The Ministry official seemed surprised by Snape's words, but quickly shook his head. "It's a closed courtroom. I'm afraid I can't allow anyone except a parent or guardian to accompany Mr. Potter," he said in a much rehearsed pattern.

"A parent or guardian is unavailable and as such, I will be escorting him," Snape reiterated.

"Arthur, you know the rules," the Ministry official said in exasperation. "Only a parent or guardian is allowed in with him."

"And Harry is like a son to me," Snape hissed in equal exasperation. "I will not allow him to go in there alone."

-SS-

_TBC…_ AHHH, it took so long and the next chapter is driving me crazy! Sorry everyone. The chapters after that should flow out much quicker if I can just get through the trial. -Mara


	33. Ch 33 Gratitude

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line. Also, portions of this chapter are paraphrased/cited directly from JKR's OotP. Anything remotely resembling JKR's work does not belong to me.

**A/N:** So wow! We have over 1,000 reviews. I'm in awe! You guys are the greatest! And check out the author note at the end for my thoughts on this chapter.

**Many thanks to Jess and Stacy, my fabulous betas! –** But I did add a few things and didn't get the chance to run it by them so blame me for any final mistakes.

_From Before…_

"_And Harry is like a son to me," Snape hissed in equal exasperation. "I will not allow him to go in there alone."_

**Ch. 33 - Gratitude**

Harry's breath and heart seemed to stop simultaneously. He wasn't sure if he heard Snape correctly. Of course it was just Snape pretending to be Mr. Weasley and that was something Mr. Weasley would probably say, but the conviction behind the words and the sincerity in them didn't seem like something you could fake.

Even with Snape's proclamation, the Ministry official wasn't relenting, if the negative shake of his head was anything to go by. He did seem to be out of points for argument though.

"And if I'm not mistaken Mr. Bailey, it certainly isn't common practice of the Ministry to hold trials for under-aged wizards without any adult present to represent their best interests," Snape said with a small hint of accusation.

"Now I do believe we are late. Would you like to explain the situation to them or shall I?" Snape asked.

The Ministry official looked a little shocked over Mr. Weasley's brazen attitude and finally stepped aside and pulled open the heavy iron door. Snape gave Harry's shoulder a reassuring squeeze as they stepped through.

The large dungeon that opened up before them looked identical to the one Harry had seen in Dumbledore's pensieve last year, even equipped with the same lone chair at the center. Harry could tell the shackles were just itching to lock someone down. The room was dimly lit with torches and Harry could make out only some of the many faces that sat in the benches surrounding the room. The murmuring voices died down almost instantly upon their entrance and a voice boomed out at them.

"You are late!" Fudge shouted from a seat in the middle of the stands surrounding the room. "And Mr. Weasley-"

"Ah yes," Snape interrupted loudly. "We would have been on time, but there seemed to be some confusion as to whether or not I was allowed to enter with Harry. Since a parent or guardian was not available, I assumed the court would be extremely pleased that I agreed to step in. As I was just explaining to Mr. Bailey, I know we would never hold a full trial for an under-aged wizard without an adult present," he said in an insinuating voice.

Murmuring began anew and Fudge looked momentarily shocked by the nerve of his usually timid employee. A retort was obviously on his tongue, but he closed his mouth abruptly.

"Yes, yes, of course," he muttered. "Have a seat Mr. Potter. We do not have all day."

Snape quickly conjured a chair of his own before Fudge had a chance to direct him somewhere else and motioned Harry toward the chair that was unfortunately reserved for him.

If Snape held any reservations about the room or the chair where he was once bound, the man didn't let it show. Harry half expected the chains to latch onto his own arms and legs, but the shackles remained open when he sat down and Snape kept his hand on Harry's shoulder before he finally took his own seat.

"Mr. Harry James Potter," Fudge began instantly, "You have been called here on this tenth of August on charges of the misuse of under-aged magic in the presence of a Muggle. Is that correct?"

Harry was momentarily distracted by the scratching of a quill down the row from the Minister. He could see Ron's brother Percy exuberantly taking notes. "Umm, yes, but-" Harry managed to get out before Fudge began talking over him.

"The charges are as follows. Under the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery and the International Statute of Secrecy, one Harry James Potter performed magic in the presence of two muggles while in the village of Black Creek. Interrogators: Cornelius Oswald Fudge, Minister of Magic; Amelia Susan Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement; Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister. Court Scribe, Percy Ignatius Weasley-"

The list went on.

Harry was gobsmacked at how formal the whole thing was and how haughtily Fudge was reciting everything, as though the man had been waiting for just this chance. Snape was resting a hand on his forearm in an extremely comforting manner, but Harry barely registered it until the professor gave a light squeeze.

"Witness for the defense, Arthur Weasley," Snape said breaking into Fudge's speech. "Of course the court would have already had the chance to review the pensieved memory submitted by Remus Lupin, however, I have brought a second copy in case anyone would need to see it again." He pulled said vial out of his pocket as he spoke, holding it up for the entire courtroom.

Harry noticed that murmuring started anew as Snape presented the memory. It seemed as though most of the audience had no idea the memory existed, but according to Snape, the Order had a contact in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, who would ensure the memory was deemed authentic.

Fudge awkwardly cleared his throat before speaking. "Yes. Well. As you were not actually present at the time of the incident I'm afraid you cannot sit as witness Mr. Weasley. Also as such, the memory cannot be validated without Mr. Lupin present."

Severus knew they wouldn't actually get a viewing of the memory in, but he was at least hoping just the presence of the vial would be enough to convince some of the members in the stands that they had hard proof of Harry's story.

"Right, right. Well since you have previously reviewed it personally, you will see that Harry speaks the truth," Snape said, keeping the shimmering substance of the vial in plain sight. He really wished he could glare the committee into submission like he would be capable of in his own skin.

"Let us go over the charges," Fudge said loudly, dismissing Snape's statement as though it was never uttered.

Harry couldn't help but give Snape a nervous look. The man's plan hadn't seemed to work very well.

"Mr. Harry James Potter, you did knowingly, deliberately, and in full awareness of the illegality of your actions, produce a Patronus Charm in a Muggle-inhabited area in the presence of two Muggles, on the afternoon of the Twenty-ninth of July, which constitutes an offense under paragraph C of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, 1875, and also under section thirteen of the International Confederation of Wizards' Statute of Secrecy. Is that correct?" Fudge asked.

Harry was quite certain that all the legal jargon actually concealed a trick question and tried to imagine how Snape would word his answer.

"Well?" Fudge prodded coldly, demanding an answer.

"Yes I performed a Patronus, but-"

"And had you received a previous written warning from the Ministry of Magic already this summer on a similar charge?"

"Harry swallowed thickly, hoping to Merlin they would not question him on the circumstances of that incident. "Yes."

"And yet, knowing full well the consequences of your actions, you continued to conjure a Patronus charm on July twenty-ninth, in the presence of two muggles, breaking not one, but two decrees in the process."

"YES!" Harry snapped. "But I didn't break any decrees because-"

"You believe yourself above the law?" Fudge questioned coldly.

Harry could feel Snape's grip on his arm tighten as though he were trying to hold him back. Remembering the man's words from that morning about not losing his temper, Harry took a deep breath trying to think up the best retort. He was saved from coming up with anything by Snape.

"As Harry was trying to explain earlier, Clause Seven of both the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery and also the International Confederation of Wizards' Statute of Secrecy clearly states that the use of magic is permitted before Muggles in exceptional circumstances, which includes situations that threaten the life of the wizard or witch himself or any Muggles present at the time," Snape recited succinctly, raising his voice to effectively cut off any of Fudge's interruptions.

Fudge looked momentarily shocked, having forgotten that of course his own Ministry employee would be well versed on the laws in question and all provisions associated with such.

The witch to Fudge's left broke into the silence.

"You produced a fully fledged Patronus?" she asked skeptically.

"Yes, I had to," Harry said impatiently, wanting desperately to explain the dementors.

"A corporeal Patronus at the age of fifteen?"

Harry thought the word sounded vaguely familiar, but couldn't quite remember what corporeal meant.

Apparently his confusion was evident on his face as the witch clarified. "What does your Patronus look like Mr. Potter?"

"It's a stag."

"How did you learn such a feat?" the witch continued.

"Professor Lupin taught me during my third year," Harry started to explain.

"That is impressive… extremely impressive." Harry could see other witches and wizards along the bench nodding in agreement and he felt slightly reassured by the way things were now progressing.

"However impressive it may seem, the fact of the matter is that magic was performed in front of two muggles with blatant disregard for our Statute of Secrecy," Fudge said angrily.

"I'm sure Harry is quite aware of the seriousness of using magic in a frivolous manner, but I'm also certain the court would agree that Dementors are hardly frivolous," Snape cut in. "AND clearly fall under the category of exceptional circumstances. Isn't that correct Madame Bones?"

Again the witch to Fudge's left spoke up and Harry finally had a name to go with the face. "Dementors?" she asked incredulously. "In a remote Muggle village?"

"Yes!" Harry exclaimed quickly, afraid he wouldn't be given the chance to explain. "There were three of them and I managed to chase the two away that went after the Muggle boys, but the third got around my Patronus. If Pr-Professor Lupin hadn't been nearby I don't know what would have happened." Harry's heart was racing a mile a minute now, but luckily he hadn't mixed up his story and accidentally said Professor Snape.

"Are you telling us the Dementors attempted to actually attack you?" Madame Bones continued.

"Yes," Harry said, nodding his head fervently.

"Yes, yes, of course," Fudge jumped in sarcastically. "It is the perfect little excuse to cover up your use of magic Mr. Potter, when you have already proven in the past that you feel you are entitled to use magic whenever you please. Dementors are under Ministry control and do not leave the confines of Azkaban Prison."

"And yet the memory clearly shows Remus Lupin approaching just as a Dementor lowered his hood hovering over Harry," Snape chimed in, holding up the vial once again.

"And as was already stated Mr. Weasley," Fudge ground out, "the memory is inconsequential without Mr. Lupin here to validate it."

"Well of course, Mr. Lupin can provide medical proof of his inability to make this hearing. I'm sure Madame Bones can attest to the policies of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. The accused has the right to provide witnesses in his defense and if proper medical reasons are given as to why a witness cannot be present, a hearing will be rescheduled to accommodate. Isn't that correct Madame Bones?" Snape asked sweetly.

The woman in question folded her hands together quite properly before answering. "That is correct. Perhaps we should just reconvene until that time."

Harry found the strict witch to be very hard to read, unsure if her actions were chastising his attempt at a defense or the Minister's attempt to bypass all his rights.

"I want this done with and not tying up our time!" Fudge bellowed, clearly annoyed at the prospect of the whole thing being rescheduled after he went through the trouble of specifically planning it around Remus' inability to attend.

"Then perhaps Mr. Potter should recount his version of the events," Madame Bones interrupted again. "If you are proficient at producing a Patronus charm, how did one Dementor slip past you?" she asked, directing her attention to Harry.

This wasn't exactly something Harry wanted to discuss with the entire Wizengamot, but supposed it was the only way to help his case. "I was distracted by helping the two Muggles and the third Dementor slipped around. Once it was too close I lost focus on my Patronus. You need a happy memory to keep the Patronus strong and-"

Harry took a deep breath and found the courage to continue when he felt Snape give a strong squeeze to his forearm.

"And whenever a Dementor is near me I can hear my mum screaming before Voldemort killed her," he said in a much stronger voice. Gasps could be heard around the room, most likely at his use of the name Voldemort, but he continued through it. "It caught me off guard and my concentration slipped. Then it was approaching so fast that I couldn't find another happy memory quickly enough to conjure another Patronus." He left out the part that he was also extremely depressed from the fight he had with Snape and the memory of his father being such a prat.

Murmuring resounded around the room most likely because of both Harry's seemingly honest and detailed account of the events along with the admission that he could hear the night Voldemort killed his parents.

"Fabulous story Mr. Potter, but I'm certain none of us believe that Dementors would just be randomly wandering the country side," Fudge said loudly, trying to not appear flustered from Harry's previous speech.

"Quite right, quite right, Cornelius," a soft, but startling voice chimed in from behind Harry.

The entire room went deadly silent and no sooner than Harry had whipped his head around to see the Headmaster gliding across the room in magnificent midnight-blue robes did he quickly snap his head back to meet eyes with Snape.

Severus was relieved to say the least that the Headmaster had finally heard about the change in time, but he tried not to let that show as he held Harry's eyes and maintained a calm and comforting demeanor. This trial would be no problem if he could use his own persona, but there was only so much he could do pretending to be Arthur Weasley and not the person who actually witnessed the attack.

"I'm certain none of us believe this was random," Dumbledore continued calmly. "Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, witness for the defense," he added as though it were a minor afterthought.

Harry was trying his best to not let his nerves get the best of him now. Even with Snape's earlier reassurances, he still wasn't confident that he wouldn't try to attack the headmaster and that certainly wouldn't go over well in his defense.

In an attempt to keep his eyes anywhere but on Dumbledore, Harry noticed that Fudge looked even more caught off guard than any other time during the whole hearing. It was blatantly obvious all the little changes in date and time were an attempt to prevent anyone from providing him with a defense. Harry could only hope that other members of the Wizengamot realized and didn't hate him as much as Fudge did.

The witch to Fudge's right cleared her voice in small, sickeningly sweet little coughs and finally leaned forward. Harry was immediately reminded of a toad the way her face was shaped with her bulging eyes, yet she had an ugly pink bow in her hair.

"Excuse me, Professor Dumbledore, but for a second there I imagined you were implying that the Dementors were there on purpose, if they existed at all," she added in a simpering voice. "And since the Dementors are under Ministry control, then it implies that you believe the Ministry is responsible for this incident." She let out a little giggle that made Harry's stomach roll.

"I believe the Ministry will want to make a full inquiry into why there were Dementors so far from Azkaban," Dumbledore answered gravely.

"I think I've heard enough," Madame Bones interrupted.

Harry swallowed thickly awaiting the bad news. Her sharp tone couldn't be an indication of anything good. Fudge obviously agreed if his response was anything to go by.

"Good, good," the Minister said, nodding his head and smiling.

"Cornelius, I implore you to see reason," Dumbledore started, before he was cut off.

"All those who find the defendant guilty?" Fudge called out. He instantly raised his hand along with the toadlike woman. Harry saw a number of other hands go up sporadically around the room, but as he frantically tried to count them, Fudge was already lowering his hand and calling out, "Not Guilty?"

Harry had a second to wonder exactly what this verdict would mean. Any type of punishment wasn't even discussed, so what would happen to him if he were found guilty? Snape implied earlier that he couldn't be expelled, but Hagrid had lost his wand. What would stop the Minister of Magic from doing whatever he wanted?

Harry took a huge breath as he watched the hands in favor of not-guilty go up. He wanted to jump for joy. The court seemed pretty split but it was still obvious from a glance that the majority believed he was not guilty. He was even more surprised to see the stern Madame Bones had her hand up now.

Fudge looked ready to shout obscenities, but instead called out, "Court dismissed!" He quickly tried to make an exit as Dumbledore cornered him once again, Harry assumed to discuss the return of Voldemort, but Harry had only one thought on his mind.

As Snape stood he leapt from his chair and threw himself at the man, engulfing him in a huge hug. Whether the man was just trying to stay in character or not, Harry wasn't sure, but he could feel the professor return the embrace, wrapping his arms around Harry's back. Closing his eyes in relief, Harry relished the comfort his professor had brought throughout the whole ordeal.

"Did I not tell you all would work out?" Snape whispered into Harry's hair before slowly releasing him.

Harry nodded his head trying to form words around the lump in his throat. "Thank you," he said.

Snape pulled the flask of polyjuice potion from his pocket and took a swig before they began their trek back to the Atrium. Harry noted that Dumbledore was nowhere in sight and Snape had been right, his preoccupation with the trial kept him from thinking much about the headmaster.

The journey back to Headquarters was relatively uneventful aside from the small grin that wouldn't leave Harry's face. He wished though that he could come up with better words to express his gratitude than a simple thank you, but as they grew closer and closer to Grimmauld Place the teen still had no idea what to say.

When they finally stepped into the entryway, he decided it was now or never.

"Sir, I know I already said thank you, but I just want you to know that I could never really express how much I appreciate everything you've done, and just sitting in the courtroom made such a huge difference. I didn't mean to be ungrateful this morning when I asked why you were avoiding me. I know you have better things to do than babysit me and my friends and you didn't ask for me to come live with you this summer. I know I'm taking away from your free time, but I just really appreciate all the help you've given me, and it's not fair of me to demand even more. I should be happy with what I can get…" Harry trailed off when he realized he was rambling and had said way more than he had planned on.

It may have been Mr. Weasley's body staring at him, but it was definitely Snape's eyes searching for something. Harry was disappointed that his professor's response was cut off when Ron came bounding down the hall.

"Harry! Dad!" he exclaimed in a hushed voice so as not to disturb Mrs. Black.

Both heads snapped up to stare at Ron and the subdued looks instantly had the red-head worried. "What happened?" he questioned, his own face taking on a much more somber look.

"Mr. Weasley," Snape said in a quiet voice. "I assure you, nothing is wrong. I simply require a moment of Mr. Potter's time and then I will release your friend to you for celebration."

Harry's eyes instantly sought out Snape and he was staring at the professor with his mouth hanging open. He couldn't believe the man had just admitted it was him instead of Mr. Weasley in front of Ron.

"What?" Ron asked, obviously confused by his father's behavior.

Harry had a hard time taking his eyes off the professor, but quickly jumped in to explain the situation.

"Ron, this is Professor Snape. He went with me to the hearing. Your dad is back at the manor catching up on some paper work."

Ron's blue eyes grew wide with shock as he stared between the man, who looked like his father, and then his best friend.

"If you don't mind, Mr. Weasley. This will only take a minute," Snape said in an uncharacteristically accommodating voice.

Obviously unnerved by the whole situation, the red-head nodded, but gave Harry a questioning look before turning away.

"I was found not guilty," Harry responded with a smile, answering the unspoken question.

"I knew it!" Ron exclaimed in relief before nervously glancing up at the professor. "I'll be in the kitchen," he added before disappearing down the hall.

"Sir, I know it's dangerous for you if the wrong people found out you went to the hearing with me," Harry spoke up quickly. "You didn't need to do that."

"Obviously I did, because you are under the misconception that I am being forced to do all these things against my own will," Snape answered firmly. "And I would prefer if you refrain from thanking me for things you have deserved to receive your entire life."

Before Harry could form a retort Snape continued.

"Also, as for the incident with your friends coming over, I was not purposely ignoring you because I was embarrassed of you or your friends. I was under the assumption you would enjoy your day more if I were not around."

Thankfully Snape left it unsaid that Harry would have preferred if his professor was around. It was obvious they both understood that and Harry was already embarrassed enough for everything he had said today.

"Enjoy a few hours here celebrating with your friends, but be back before dinner. We need to continue Occlumency lessons," Snape said, patting Harry on the shoulder and turning him toward the kitchen.

"But you should stay and celebrate too," Harry piped up.

Snape raised an eyebrow, but the sarcastic nature of the gesture was lost on Mr. Weasley's face. "Arthur should be here celebrating with his family, not me."

"But you're-"

Harry shut his mouth almost immediately after opening it. What was he going to say? That Snape was like family to him? He had no right to claim something like that without the professor's permission.

"Well you could come back when the polyjuice potion wears off," Harry tried, although he already knew that would never work with the way Snape and Sirius hated each other.

Surprisingly, Snape didn't comment on his hatred of Harry's godfather and instead insisted he had lots of things he needed to take care of. "Harry, enjoy the afternoon and we can celebrate at dinner. I have plenty of brewing to finish up." His insistent hand on Harry's shoulder finally spurred the boy to continue towards the kitchen.

When they pushed through the door, Ron sat gobsmacked, staring at the comfortable hand resting on Harry's shoulder. Obviously, Ron was having a hard time believing it was really Snape. Sirius's head snapped up from his coffee and he quickly put a smile on his face, but Harry had the impression it was somewhat forced.

"Arthur! Harry, dear! Ron just told us the good news," Mrs. Weasley exclaimed as she quickly engulfed Harry in a hug.

When she released him, Harry gave her a big smile and then had to contain a bout of laughter as Mrs. Weasley pulled Snape in for a peck on the cheek. Amazingly, the man put on an excellent performance and didn't flinch, scowl, or glare at the display of public affection directed towards him. Just imagining what Snape would have done if Mrs. Weasley had attempted to really kiss him had Harry biting his lip again to refrain from more laughter. He decided it would be best to avoid looking in Ron's general direction or he wouldn't be able to hold it in.

"I'll be back in a moment." Snape spoke up. "I want to tell Severus the good news."

"Well hurry back, lunch is almost ready. And invite Severus along," Mrs. Weasley said, turning to squeeze Harry's shoulders again.

"I'll give him the invite, but you know how he is," Snape said, grabbing some floo powder.

"Thanks again, Mr. Weasley," Harry called after him, giving his professor one last imploring look asking him to stay. "And you really should try to get Professor Snape to come for lunch."

"It was no trouble at all Harry," Snape said with a small smile before disappearing.

Harry knew it was a lost cause when Snape avoided the last part of his comment completely, but just then he was bombarded by Hermione and Ginny as they came rushing into the kitchen.

-SS-

_TBC…_

AN – So I'm pretty certain many people will find this chapter frustrating perhaps. I know it isn't that far from canon and I apologize if that disappoints some, but it's just the way I envisioned things going. I didn't want to add any extra drama here or change things too much because it would throw off my future plans for the fic. And sorry for the long, long wait. Your reviews really do encourage me to continue writing and faster, even though work has been keeping me busy lately. -Mara


	34. Ch 34 Suspicions

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thanks so much for each and every review. There were some wonderful anonymous reviews as well that I wish I could have replied too. I try to answer each one so if you sign in I can reply! :)

**Many Thanks to Jess and Stacy, my fabulous betas! **

_From Before…_

_Harry knew it was a lost cause when Snape avoided the last part of his comment completely, but just then he was bombarded by Hermione and Ginny as they came rushing into the kitchen. _

**Ch. 34 – Suspicions **

Ron was pretty certain he was about to die… _literally_. When he had envisioned all the possible ways he might meet his untimely demise, his overactive imagination came up with many scenarios. A spectacular Quidditch accident while playing in the World Cup, heroically fighting in battle as an Auror, or maybe even a milder simple passing of old age, but never in a million years did he expect to die now, at the age of fifteen, choking no less. What was worse was the image burned into his retinas of his mum kissing _SNAPE!_

He had thought he might die from horror at the sight, but as fate would like to have it, the horror had caused him to lose focus on chewing and now he was actually choking.

He was trying in vain to cough out the chunk of chicken lodged in his throat when Sirius finally gave him a good thwack on the back, forcing the piece to come flying out.

"Ronald Weasley!" his mum screeched. "You would think I taught you no manners. Would it be too much to ask that you actually chew your food instead of shoveling it into your mouth?" With a quick wave of her wand she banished the offensive piece of unprocessed food that landed across the table from him.

Sirius handed him a glass of water and he thankfully took a few gulps. Instead of getting lectured he would have thought she would be thankful her youngest son didn't just choke to death. If she knew who she'd just kissed she would probably be choking too.

"Acts as though he were raised in a barn," his mum continued grumbling as she turned back to the stove.

After half a glass of water and another bout of coughing Ron finally took notice of Harry, Hermione, and Ginny, who had sat down. The girls were giving him similarly disgusted looks while his best mate was pointedly staring anywhere but at him.

"I was choking! It's not like I was purposely spitting out food," he cried in outrage. It was just his luck that no one would notice the point where he was near death, but then all turn to catch him spitting out a chunk of chicken.

Hermione's face softened ever so slightly as though she did believe him, but Ginny's didn't, and Harry! Harry was obviously trying not to laugh. Ron couldn't wait to have a few choice words with his dear friend.

"Her cooking is good, but you really should try chewing a little better there Ron," Sirius said jokingly, patting him on the back a few more times.

The meal seemed to drag on endlessly from there. Usually food could distract Ronald Weasley from just about anything, but today even his Mum's pudding couldn't hold his interest. He needed to get Harry alone to talk about… well, everything.

As Harry recounted all the events of the trial to everyone at lunch, it was quite obvious to the red-head that he was the only one who knew about Snape, except his own father, of course. If that little kiss, _just thinking about it made him ill_, was anything to go by, even his mum wasn't in on the secret.

Finally everyone seemed to be finished and Ron insistently pulled Harry and Hermione away from the table and up to his room.

Leaning heavily against the door as though to ensure they would not be interrupted, Ron tried to gather his thoughts. He was dying for answers and couldn't quite wrap his mind around everything. Yes, Harry had said things had changed with Snape, and yes, he had said Snape was helping him with his nightmares, and yes, Ron had even seen Snape come to Harry's rescue when he had that attack with his scar, but still, _this_ was big. Snape had gone to great lengths to accompany Harry and had actually been civil to him, a Weasley, down in the hall.

But what was even bigger than Snape accompanying Harry to his trial were the little gestures between the two. Ron certainly hadn't missed those. Snape had his hand on Harry's shoulder just the way his own father would silently signal that he was proud of him. And Harry had been more than disappointed when Snape didn't return to lunch with his dad.

Harry didn't look like he was under the imperious curse, so that only left the possibility that Snape was…

"Ronald?" Hermione finally said impatiently. He must have been day-dreaming longer than he realized.

Rather than answer the witch he looked questioningly at Harry. They rarely kept things from each other, but he wanted to be sure it was okay before blabbing about the whole thing. He did realize Snape took a pretty big risk waltzing into the Ministry of Magic impersonating someone else.

"Ron's a little shocked because he found out earlier that it wasn't Mr. Weasley who ended up taking me to the Ministry, it was Professor Snape," Harry responded.

Hermione looked stunned for a second before grinning.

"Mr. Weasley stayed at the manor to catch up on paperwork and Professor Snape used Polyjuice potion to go with me. They decided it would make more sense that way since Snape was actually there when the Dementors attacked," Harry explained further while picking at some stray strands of thread that had unraveled from the ancient quilt he was sitting on.

"That was a smart idea, but I doubt that was the only reason Professor Snape wanted to go with you," Hermione answered, staring intently at their friend from her spot on the bed across from Harry's.

"What do you mean?" Ron finally asked. He had a pretty good idea what she meant and he was also pretty sure it had to do with all the little gestures he noticed earlier, but he wanted clarification just the same. Besides, from the looks of it, Harry wasn't going to ask anytime soon.

"Well, from everything Harry has told us and the few times I have seen him and Professor Snape together, I would gather that the Professor cares about him and wanted to be there to support him," she elaborated.

_Yup, that was exactly what he was afraid she was going to say_. Sometimes Hermione was too smart for her own good. The look of embarrassment on Harry's face confirmed it all.

"What about Sirius?" Ron asked hastily. "Why didn't he go using polyjuice? Surely you would have rather had him there."

Harry didn't meet his gaze or attempt to answer and Ron felt like he might have put his foot in his mouth judging by the glare Hermione was sending him.

"I just mean he's your godfather and all," he added, trying to somehow make his comment better. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that Harry liked having Snape around. Luckily, he was saved by Hermione. That witch was a godsend sometimes.

"Well obviously it would be too risky for Sirius to do something like that. That's not to say Professor Snape wasn't taking a risk either, but he's currently not wanted for mass murder. And I think in this situation Professor Snape would be much more supportive since, like Harry said, he was there when the Dementor attack actually took place," she said.

It still didn't make any sense to Ron. Snape had made Harry's life miserable at school for the last four years. He used every opportunity to ridicule and humiliate Harry and now all of a sudden they were like father and son? He shuddered visibly at the thought.

"But why would you _want_ Snape there?" Ron asked.

"Look, you couldn't possibly understand," Harry said angrily, finally meeting Ron's eyes. "You have two wonderful parents, who would be there in a heartbeat whenever you need them."

"I know the Dursleys are awful!" Ron countered instantly. "They put bars on your window for Merlin's sake, but were they really that awful you would rather have Snape, who has tortured you the last four years?" he asked incredulously.

Harry opened his mouth to speak and Ron could see the moment his friend changed his mind about whatever he was originally going to retort with.

"I told you he has changed. I don't know why he used to hate me, but he doesn't anymore," Harry argued.

It also didn't escape Ron's notice that Harry neglected to negate his statement about the Dursleys being really awful. He couldn't help but wonder if a comment about the Dursleys might have been Harry's first response before he changed his mind. It was always a subject Harry avoided, often in clever ways, but still avoided.

"But you have Sirius now. He's told you he loves you and asked you to live with him," Ron said in a lame attempt to figure out what Harry was thinking.

"But I haven't lived with him! I'm living with Snape and he's _done_ a lot to prove – to prove he doesn't hate me."

"I believe," Hermione cut in loudly, "that Ronald is just worried you will get your hopes up and then Professor Snape will revert back to his old attitude."

At Harry's scowl she rushed on. "I'm not saying that's what I think will happen. I believe you that he has changed, but as your friends, we worry about you, because we care about you, Harry."

Harry's protective attitude over defending Snape slowly deflated, but was immediately replaced by another defensive look, Ron could only guess to protect his own pride.

"Well you have nothing to worry about because I'm not getting my hopes up for anything. Snape went to my trial. That's all. You act like I'm looking for some… parental figure or something," Harry said, letting out a small snort as if to imply the concept was ridiculous, but no one in the room was buying it for a second.

"Harry," Hermione said slowly. "It wouldn't be a bad thing if you were. You deserve to have adults in your life to look after you and it's awful that the Dursleys never did that for you."

"Well it doesn't matter because I'm not looking for anything," Harry countered defensively, contradicting his previous statement to Ron about parents. "I learned to take care of myself a long time ago and I'm fifteen, Hermione. It's a little late for a parental figure, don't you think?" he asked sarcastically.

"No I don't," the little witch said matter-of-factly.

Ron agreed with her and had thought it was wonderful when Harry found out he had a loving godfather, but the problem now was whether he could accept Snape in some sort of role like that. It was clear that even with all of Harry's denials, that was exactly what he was looking for. He knew as Harry's friend he should show his support as well, but he just didn't trust Snape and had no idea what could have taken place this summer to make Harry change his mind so drastically. Anyone wanting Snape as a father figure seemed as likely as him becoming best friends with Malfoy.

"Well, I have to go," Harry said shortly. "We're having another Occlumency lesson tonight and since I'm failing miserably I should practice beforehand."

Harry stood to leave and faced Ron, waiting for him to move away from the door he was still leaning against, but he wouldn't quite meet Ron's eyes, making the red-head feel even worse. Harry's good mood had rapidly deteriorated since the discussion about Snape.

"Look, Harry, I didn't mean – well – just – Hermione's right. Whatever makes you happy," Ron said lamely, fumbling with what he really wanted to say. He moved slowly away from the door. "OH and we're really happy the trial went well," he added, trying to lighten the mood.

"Thanks. I'll talk to you guys later," Harry answered with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes, before disappearing out the door.

Hermione jumped up from her spot and poked her head out the door to make sure Harry was out of ear shot before quickly closing it and rounding on Ron. "You better fix this!" she demanded.

"But it's Snape, Hermione! He's been awful to Harry, taunting him and humiliating him. You honestly think it's possible for the git to do a one-eighty over night?" he asked seriously.

"I think _Professor_ Snape has proven on a few occasions that yes, he has changed. As for how that came about, it's not really any of our business until Harry decides to tell us. Obviously some major events happened over the last few months and Harry will tell us when he's ready. But he needs to know we support him," she responded.

"It had to be something big," Ron added, still trying to work out the puzzle in his head. It couldn't be as simple as Snape helping Harry with nightmares.

Both Gryffindors stood in silence, wrapped up in their own thoughts, until Hermione finally spoke again.

"Harry's right you know. We don't understand what it's like. I can't imagine growing up with people who don't care about you at all. What awful people put bars on a kid's window? And we probably don't even know the half of everything," she said, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Ron asked, not able to keep the worry out of his voice. "I mean we've talked about this before and I thought we agreed Harry would tell us if there was anything worse," he added hastily. He stared intently at Hermione, desperately needing to hear her confirm that statement for his own peace of mind.

"I would like to think he would, but I just don't know anymore," she said trailing off. "Sometimes I just worry that we don't know everything. The Dursleys sound like such awful people from everything I have heard and I just wonder what else they are capable of. I mean we know they certainly don't feed him properly. What else might they be denying him?" She was staring at the old wooden floor, but appeared to be seeing so much more.

Ron could see her eyes sparkling with unshed tears the more she spoke. He didn't like to think along those lines either because it made him equally upset. Walking across the room to Hermione, he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a hug.

"They probably never even take him to the doctor when he is ill," she said with a muffled sniffle. Her face obscured from Ron's view by her bushy hair. "And what else might they have done _to _him?" she asked, her voice hitching on the last few words.

"I know 'Mione, but at least he barely lives there during the year now," he answered in an attempt to comfort her.

"It can't make up for all the years he spent there before," she mumbled against his chest. "And then every once in a while he lets a little comment slip that just makes me wonder."

"Or lack of comments," Ron added, thinking that was the more suspicious sign. He hugged her a little tighter in an attempt to quell the light trembling he could feel racing through her body.

"Yes," Hermione agreed solemnly.

Taking a deep breath, Ron finally drew enough courage to ask the question they had already debated on more than one occasion before. "You don't think they… hurt him – like physically – do you?"

"I mean, I've never seen any bruises at the beginning of the year, even when Fred, George, and I surprised him with the car," he added hastily.

Hermione took a deep shaky breath before answering. "Even if they don't, isn't it bad enough already? I know Harry brushes it all off like it's not a big deal, but it's obviously neglect."

It was so easy to forget during the school year that Harry's home life wasn't that great, especially because Hermione was right and Harry would brush it all off or joke about the Dursleys. But the truth of the matter was that it was all some form of child abuse, wasn't it?

"There was a boy in my primary school who always had random bruises and tried to tell the teacher he was just really clumsy, but no one believed him. He was really jumpy too if you tried to touch him without warning," Hermione continued. "I've never seen Harry act like that until recently, but after everything that happened with the Triwizard tournament I would be jumpy too if I were him."

"I just don't get why Dumbledore insists that Harry go back there every summer," Ron said angrily. "Mum and Dad have tried to get Harry to come stay with us, but he always says something about wards."

Hermione shook her head and slowly pulled away from Ron so that she could look up at his face. "Just seeing how much he wants and needs a father figure reminds me how unfair it is that he had to grow up with those awful relatives. But if Snape is doing a good job and Harry is happy, then we need to support him. He deserves it." She quickly wiped away a few tears that had escaped her eyes.

Ron nodded his head slowly, still not completely convinced. "I'll try," he said, earning a smile from Hermione.

"You're a really good friend, Ronald Weasley," she said giving him one last quick hug. "Both to Harry and to me."

He couldn't stop the blush that spread across his face at her last comment, but luckily Hermione didn't say anything.

"Umm, do you think we should ask Harry about his relatives?" he asked nervously. "Last time he was so adamant that I believed him, but I don't know. I just can't get rid of this bad feeling now."

The smile on Hermione's face transformed back to the troubled look she had been wearing earlier and Ron felt awful for having to broach the subject once again, but he wouldn't be satisfied with himself if he didn't.

Hermione was bobbing her head up and down. "We'll need to go about it in a more subtle way," she said almost to herself, before finally meeting his eyes. "After dinner we'll come up with a plan, so we know what to say the next time he comes over."

Ron could see a determination shining in her eyes much like when she came up with a new study regimen.

"For now we should go help your Mum with more cleaning," she said, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the room.

-SS-

Harry headed down the stairs of Grimmauld Place thinking over everything Ron had said. Before he reached the kitchen he abruptly changed directions and headed back upstairs in search of Sirius. Maybe Ron was right and he was neglecting his godfather.

Sirius seemed depressed a lot of the time that Harry came over now and today at lunch was no different. He acted happy that Harry's trial went well, but even that seemed forced. Grimmauld Place certainly wasn't the cheeriest place to begin with and from all the stories Harry had heard, Sirius hated growing up here. He couldn't really blame the man for being miserable being stuck here now.

Knowing his godfather liked to spend time with Buckbeak in one of the upper most bedrooms, Harry headed up another flight of stairs. Maybe he could cheer the marauder up and keep him company since Remus wasn't around.

Knocking softly on the door yielded no result and Harry finally just pushed it open. His nose was immediately overwhelmed with the pungent smell of the giant Hippogriff. The room was dark, but a few rays of light filtered in from the slit in the drawn curtains. Harry could see some lose hay scattered across the floor and finally made out the figure of Sirius and Buckbeak on the bed situated against the farthest wall from the door. His godfather was sitting almost completely still except for the repetitive motion of his hand stroking Buckbeak's head.

The hippogriff's beady orange eyes were glued to Harry, but Sirius apparently hadn't noticed him. Not wanting to startle the man, Harry took a few hesitant steps into the room. Before he had a chance to whisper to his godfather a creaky floorboard had already drawn the man's attention.

"Harry," Sirius said in a gravelly voice. There was a small hint of shock in his voice as well, as though Harry were the last person he expected to see.

"Hey. Umm, I had a couple hours before Occlumency and thought I would see what you were up to," Harry said awkwardly. He wasn't sure if he should just approach or if Buckbeak didn't recognize him and he should bow first. For now he opted to just stay his distance.

Sirius nodded. "I'm just giving Ol' Buckbeak some company. He gets lonely up here."

Harry imagined Sirius was talking about more than just Buckbeak, but he didn't tell his godfather that.

"Pull up a chair," Sirius instructed, gesturing to a desk and chair not far from the bed.

Harry did as instructed and the two sat in awkward silence for a few moments before Harry tried to strike up a conversation.

"So how did Buckbeak like the tropical weather when you guys were on the run?" he asked.

Luckily the topic worked and Sirius was off and running with it, animatedly describing some of his close calls, narrowly escaping on Buckbeak.

The next two hours passed surprisingly quickly for both wizards as Harry was regaled with more stories of the Marauders escapades throughout their school years. Sirius explained how he and James had started working on becoming animagi and excitedly offered to start teaching Harry when he had free time.

"I wonder what form you will be," Sirius mused to himself. "Maybe a stag like your dad." His eyes lit up at the thought.

Harry smiled back at how excited his godfather seemed. It would be really fun to learn to become an animagus, but he doubted he actually had the time right now.

"Or I could be a dog like you," Harry added, causing Sirius' face to light up even brighter.

"Or a fierce wild cat!" Sirius exclaimed. "Whatever it is, it will be brilliant! And then we'll have so much fun! We can keep Moony company on the full moon just like old times. You can see what it was like when your dad was young," Sirius continued to ramble.

Harry didn't correct his godfather when he said it would be just like old times. It certainly wouldn't be quite the same as when his dad was alive, but it was nice to see his godfather in such a good mood for once. The man had been through a lot of hardships in his life with the first war, losing his best friend, being betrayed by another so-called friend, and then being wrongfully sentenced to Azkaban. If Harry could bring him a little happiness it didn't matter how it was accomplished.

Finally with much reluctance, Sirius agreed that Harry should get going so he wasn't late for his Occlumency training. For Harry, it was with mixed feelings that he made his way back to the kitchen to floo back to Snape's manor. He heard Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the Weasleys cleaning in the drawing room, but snuck by quietly so he didn't have to get dragged into another uncomfortable discussion.

If he was being honest with himself, he had to admit that he had just lied to his best friends. Actually, he'd been trying to lie to himself for a while now. It was just really hard to admit that he liked being able to rely on Snape. There were very few times in Harry's life that he could remember knowing he could count on an adult for anything, and with Snape he actually felt that way. But like Hermione and Ron, he was just as afraid as they were that Snape would go back to his old ways. And where would that leave him?

If he pretended the man didn't mean anything it wouldn't hurt when he was disappointed. Harry knew that was idiotic logic, but he couldn't help it. He was really starting to hope he wouldn't be disappointed this time either, but he certainly didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of Snape again and assume their relationship was more than it was.

And then a part of him felt guilty about Sirius. Ron was right. Harry shouldn't be looking for any type of support from Snape when he had a loving godfather. But his relationships with the two men were just very different and as much as Harry loved his godfather, Sirius didn't actually seem much like the father type. The last few hours only further confirmed that thought for Harry. He couldn't help but feel like every once in a while Sirius was imagining James in his place, _just like old times_.

Harry was so lost in thought he didn't notice Mr. Weasley standing on the other side of the kitchen door and ran straight into him. If it weren't for his friend's father quickly grabbing his arm to steady him, he would have fallen back on his arse.

"Harry! All right there?" Mr. Weasley asked quickly.

Nodding his head Harry straightened his glasses and looked up at the Weasley patriarch. "Sorry, Mr. Weasley."

"Think nothing of it. You must be so relieved that silly trial is behind you," Mr. Weasley said, patting his shoulder.

Harry smiled up at the man, trying to portray some of his gratitude. "I wanted to thank you again, sir, for allowing Professor Snape to go in your place. He was a huge help," he explained.

"Not that you wouldn't have been," he added hastily, not wanting to imply that Mr. Weasley couldn't have done as good of a job.

Mr. Weasley let out a little chuckle and shook his head. "I understand what you meant and I'm just glad I could help in some way, but I'm sure Professor Snape did a much better job than I could have. He seems to be taking good care of you."

Harry wasn't quite sure how to respond to that statement and wondered how Mr. Weasley could even possibly know that, but he just nodded his head and continued to smile.

"Well, I'm sure you want to get home. Have a good night, Harry," Mr. Weasley said. With a final pat to Harry's shoulder he squeezed past him and exited the kitchen.

_Home._

Obviously Mr. Weasley would start to notice a change in their relationship if even Ron noticed something today. And Mr. Weasley had referred to Snape's manor as his home. He had slowly begun thinking of it that way, but didn't really want to admit that either, for fear of losing it. It was only a year ago that Sirius had offered him a home and obviously that never worked out. But knowing Mr. Weasley had noticed all the changes with Snape gave him a little hope that this time it wasn't just temporary.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Enjoy! - Mara


	35. Ch 35 A Semblance of SelfControl

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the reviews and story alerts and favorites. I really can't even believe we are up to like 1,148 reviews. They mean so much to me!

Special Thanks to Jess and Stacy, my fabulous betas, for doing extra work on this chapter and checking it twice, along with adding some very helpful lines! I'm sorry the chapter took so long. I really struggled with it, unsure if my message was getting across.

And special thanks to Ulli for translating "Second Chances" into German!

_From Before…_

"_Well, I'm sure you want to get home. Have a good night, Harry," Mr. Weasley said. With a final pat to Harry's shoulder he squeezed past him and exited the kitchen. _

**Ch. 35 – A Semblance of Self-Control**

Severus' mind kept wandering back to a certain dark-haired boy, no matter how hard he attempted to distract himself with lesson plans and potions.

The child never ceased to amaze him. Harry had seemed sincerely grateful that Severus had accompanied him to the hearing, but the biggest shock of the day was the conversation right before lunch. Harry had actually wanted him to stay. And what on earth had the boy been planning to say when he had mentioned that Arthur should be celebrating with his family?

Severus Snape was not a social creature and he certainly did not give in to whimsical requests from sentimental Gryffindors. So why then was he jealous to not be dining with Harry in celebration? It had taken Severus quite some time to admit the feeling, but finally he had to concede. The similarity to that of sharing Lily's time with Potter senior and his gang was just too much evidence to ignore.

It wasn't that Severus didn't want Harry to spend time with his friends and the Weasleys were a good family, who had pulled the boy into their fold. No, his biggest problem was with Black. The mutt hadn't even looked sincerely happy for Harry at the news of the trial's outcome. And yet it was Black, who got to celebrate with Harry.

Severus wished he could just see the look on Black's face if he found out who really took Harry to his hearing. The idea of letting something slip was so tempting and in the past Severus wouldn't have hesitated to get a jibe in at the mongrel, but now something held him back. The disappointment that would surely be evident in Harry's eyes if he did wasn't as appealing.

But the more time that passed that afternoon, the more Severus wasn't sure if he cared. And then the brat came back in a much worse mood than when Severus had left him earlier.

-SS-

As if Harry didn't have enough things to worry about with his best friends questioning everything when he wasn't even sure himself what was going on with Snape, now he couldn't stop worrying about his godfather.

Sirius had been the first person to offer him a home and a real family and it had really kept Harry going this last year. In all honesty, he relied a lot more on Snape than he did on Sirius at the present moment, but he still liked having the comfort of knowing Sirius would always be there. Sirius was the only person he had a legitimate tie to.

The more time he spent with Sirius however, he couldn't help but feel like his godfather was seeing James more than he was seeing him. The man had missed out on a lot of time with his best friend and perhaps he was hoping Harry could fill that void. To be fair though, wasn't that exactly what Harry had been expecting from his godfather too, to have a father figure, a replacement for James?

Harry wasn't even sure if he still wanted Sirius to be a replacement for James now. He certainly loved his godfather, but he couldn't see Sirius being capable of being a father. But he hated to see his godfather so obviously depressed.

"Potter, please inform me that you did more than play with your food at lunch?" Snape said in a silky voice, interrupting his train of thought.

Harry snapped his eyes up to his professor and back down to his plate, where sure enough he was drawing patterns in his mashed potatoes with the tines of his fork.

"Yeah, I mean yes. I'm just not that hungry now," he answered.

Snape's eyes seemed to narrow slightly before the man went back to his own food.

Harry did try to eat a little more, grateful that Snape didn't seem to be pushing for better answers. But apparently he thought too soon.

"Enough with the silence Mr. Potter. Clearly something occurred that is now keeping you preoccupied," Snape said before taking a long sip from his glass of water and eyeing Harry over the top of it.

Harry was unsure of how to respond and matched the professor's stare for a few moments. He knew Snape hated Sirius and doubted the man would want to hear about Harry's concerns for his godfather. But he also knew Snape wouldn't be satisfied until he got the real answer.

"I'm worried about Sirius," he settled on answering and sure enough the potion master's scowl increased.

"And what has your drama-queen of a godfather done now?" Snape asked, not even attempting to hide his displeasure.

This time it was Harry's turn to scowl. It was fine with him if the two men didn't like each other, but why then did Snape insist that he talk about it?

"Nothing, it doesn't matter," Harry said, trying to avoid losing his temper. Today was supposed to be a good day. They were supposed to be celebrating the outcome of his trial. It was just this morning that Harry was ecstatic to hear Snape say he was like a son. Whether the man really meant it or not, he wanted to show his gratitude to Snape, not get angry with him.

"That is obviously not the case, Mr. Potter. And as you have already proven you fare even worse at Occlumency when something is on your mind, let us get this out into the open now," Snape replied.

Harry couldn't figure out why Snape insisted on pushing the issue and the jibe about failing at Occlumency only irritated him further.

"Fine. He seemed to barely care about my trial and he is spending tons of time locked away with Buckbeak. He's not his old self and it bothers me," Harry said in a rush. He absolutely refused to go into detail about Ron and Hermione as well.

Surprisingly, Snape did not instantly retort with some snide remark about Sirius. Instead he took a long sip of water and set the glass down carefully before speaking.

"Have you given more thought to speaking to anyone else about the abuse?" he asked.

The abrupt change of subject had Harry fumbling his silverware and almost knocking his own glass of water over. After steadying the glass he snapped his eyes up to the professor to gauge his reaction. The steely black eyes had seemed to soften a little from the previous topic, but the man still gave him a firm look, demanding an answer.

"No. I mean… yes, I've thought about it, but no, I haven't told anyone," Harry said, finally managing to stutter out an answer, but he had dropped his gaze to his plate as he lightly poked his potatoes with his fork. He was afraid to look up and find that Snape was disappointed that he hadn't told anyone yet.

The professor clearing his throat had Harry reluctantly dragging his eyes up again.

"Continue to give it some thought. Your fears are unjustified in regards to your friends and family," Snape said evenly.

Harry nodded his head slowly.

"If you are finished poking at your food, we shall start the lesson," he said, placing his napkin on the table and gracefully rising from his seat.

Now Harry was thoroughly confused, wondering what the point of those extremely brief conversations had been, but he followed suit and the two made their way to the study.

Harry should have realized that the tense and uncomfortable conversations were only a precursor for the next hour of torturous Occlumency.

-SS-

True to Snape's prediction, Harry's preoccupation with everything made for a difficult time clearing his mind. And almost immediately inside the boy's head, he went straight for any memories of the afternoon.

Just as Harry had described earlier, Black was wallowing in self-pity until Harry got him talking about his Hogwarts days. And the disappointment that was evident in Harry was like a slap in the face to Severus.

Logically, he knew it was natural for the boy to be concerned about his godfather, the closest thing to family that he had, but the jealousy that arose in Severus was more powerful. It was always all about Sirius Black and had been that way since they were children.

It angered Severus even further that Black's current attitude was probably aiding Harry's misconceptions about how his godfather would react to the abuse. Of course the boy didn't feel comfortable talking about it when his godfather already seemed miserable.

After another few minutes perusing memories and seemingly no resistance from Harry, Severus withdrew from the boy's mind.

"Potter, you're not even trying," he said sharply.

Beads of sweat were rolling off Harry's forehead and he was obviously trying to catch his breath, but the boy only glared at his professor before straightening his shoulders and holding his wand at the ready.

"Perhaps we should retire for the evening if you are not up to it," Severus goaded.

"I am trying," Harry snapped, "but you're not even giving me a chance to prepare, sir."

"Do you think the Dark Lord will give you a chance to _prepare_, Potter?" Although the argument held some truth, Severus used it more so to justify his behavior.

Harry clamped his lips shut and tilted his chin up defiantly. Obviously he wanted to retort, but thought better of the idea.

Severus raised an eyebrow in warning. It wasn't fair to pick a fight with Harry over his animosity towards Black, but at the moment no one else was around for Severus to release his frustration on.

"I'm ready, sir," Harry said determinedly.

And with that, Severus wasted no time diving back in.

It wasn't long before he found the memory of Black's promise of a home back at the end of third year. It was almost amusing to see that the mutt had incorrectly assumed the boy would want to stay with his relatives, but the hope of a new home that sparked in Harry was overwhelming to Severus.

It confirmed what he had slowly started thinking this afternoon. There was no place in Harry's life for him no matter how much the boy seemed to act like he wanted him. It was inevitable that Sirius Black would take away everything that could make him happy.

He withdrew from the boy's mind abruptly, leaving Harry's head reeling.

Harry was on his hands and knees trying to catch his breath. A sheen of sweat now coated the his forehead and some of his messy black fringe stuck to it. Severus watched as he brought a hand up to rub at his eyes under his glasses before scrubbing at his forehead.

For a moment, Severus was tempted to forget everything he had learned this afternoon and go back to this morning when he would not have hesitated to offer the child at least a small amount of comfort, a hand to help him stand, an offer to make himself comfortable on the couch and a cup of tea, something. But it was like watching Lily choose someone else all over again and Severus couldn't handle the rejection a second time.

Turning sharply before he lost his nerve, he made his way to his potions cabinet and withdrew a standard headache draught. By the time he turned back, Harry was standing on shaky legs, determinedly prepared for another assault.

"Take this and go to bed," Severus said in the most level voice he could manage, thrusting the potion out to Harry.

The green eyes widened under those round glasses and searched Severus' face for a long moment before he hesitantly reached out and took the potion. He swallowed it in one gulp and handed back the empty vial before making his way to the door.

Pausing for a moment in the doorway, he spoke quietly, but distinctly.

"Goodnight Sir and thank you again for everything today," he said before disappearing. Perhaps he knew the words would not be reciprocated and didn't want to wait around to have that confirmed.

It wasn't a moment later that Dumbledore's head appeared in the flames informing Severus of an Order meeting later that night. He nodded mutely. He couldn't imagine a more perfect ending to a perfect day, being surrounded by those who would always belong in Harry's life while he was on the outside.

-SS-

Severus was barely listening to those speaking around him. Each Auror had taken turns relating any information that they had heard floating around the office. Kingsley was the last to finish up his report on a few more attacks they believed to be linked to Voldemort, although the Ministry was denying any such talk.

"A Ministry employee has gone missing, Adrien Miller," Kingsley added. "Fudge won't actually issue a report, but we've been assigned the task of tracking him down, as well as being sworn to secrecy about the disappearance of an Unspeakable," he continued grimly.

Severus' head snapped up at this news. He was well aware of the Dark Lord's desire to get his hands on that prophecy, but he had no idea he had kidnapped an Unspeakable. Why wasn't he informed of such a plan? Not receiving a summons in days had been one less thing to worry about during Harry's trial, but now the news of Voldemort's continued action had Severus even more on edge.

Raids torturing Muggles were one thing, but a specific plan to get inside the Department of Mysteries was a whole other story. He didn't want to believe he was slipping from Voldemort's confidence, but the evidence was hard to deny.

"Shouldn't Snape have already informed us of this kidnapping?" Sirius asked snidely. "That is what spies are for."

Severus gritted his teeth and squared his jaw, but refused to even be bothered with turning his head in the direction of Black. "I realize you believe people should do all your work for you while you relax at home, Black, but it is not possible to gather every bit of intelligence," he said silkily. "Perhaps you should go to the Dark Lord and ask him what he's planning if you're so concerned that you're being left out."

Sirius was obviously fuming at the accusation that he wasn't helping their efforts. "A direct attempt on the prophesy should be our top priority! So either Voldemort has lost faith in you or you are purposefully withholding information," he said, practically shouting by the end.

Severus turned an icy glare in Sirius' direction, but before he could retort, Dumbledore intervened.

"Sirius, that will be enough," the headmaster ordered in a quiet tone. "Severus' loyalty has already been established and it will not be questioned again."

Sirius didn't attempt to make another comment, but he certainly didn't look as though he were through with the conversation. Severus held the man's gaze, silently daring the mutt to say something else. He was pleasantly surprised to hear Albus defend him, but he certainly didn't need the man to fight his battles for him.

"Now, let us move on to more uplifting news. Arthur, why don't you tell us about Harry's trial," Dumbledore said, turning his twinkling gaze more towards Severus than Arthur, who was seated next to him.

The gesture should have made Severus feel better, but the detailed account of the trial told from Arthur Weasley's point of view only served to drive him crazy. He couldn't really blame Arthur, as it had been his idea in the first place to switch identities, but the smug look on Black's face had him fantasizing about lunging across the table and strangling the mutt.

It was the comment, "If I or Remus couldn't have been there with Harry, there is no one else we would have trusted," that had Severus unable to contain a snort of amusement.

"Something funny Snape?" Sirius asked sarcastically, casting a cold look down the table at Severus.

"Yes well it would have been nice if you could have gone, but you seem to be quite busy playing homemaker here," Snape replied, finally losing his patience.

"We can't all be as helpful as you, Snape. Not all of us have had the privilege of swearing allegiance to a madman when we were younger," Sirius spat back.

"No, instead you disregard all obligations and go traipsing after a rat to land yourself a nice stay in Azkaban. So extremely helpful for the war efforts," he drawled. "I can see you've really been there for your godson," he added sarcastically.

There was so much more Severus wished he could throw at the mutt. If Black had any idea what Harry had been through the last fourteen years of his life, Severus was certain it would wipe that smug look right off his face.

"If your boss hadn't murdered my best friends I wouldn't have had to," Sirius shouted back, slamming his fists down on the table.

Molly Weasley was trying to interrupt the argument as was Professor McGonagall, but the two men paid them no attention.

"If you hadn't put your loyalties in a rat you called a friend-"

"Enough!" Dumbledore cut in, barely raising his voice. "We are on the same side, gentlemen, and this bickering must stop if we have any hope of winning this war."

Severus tried his best to tune out the chastisement the headmaster was giving them. The bickering was childish and the fact that he had been drawn into such a thing by Sirius Black was embarrassing, but his pride refused to allow him to admit any wrongdoing.

The rest of the meeting passed uneventfully aside from the high tension in the room and Severus kept his jaw clamped tightly together just counting down the minutes until he could escape.

-SS-

Stalking over to his liquor cabinet Severus grabbed the first bottle he found, an old scotch, and quickly poured a healthy serving. He was angry to say the least. Angry the way the Order meeting had gone. Angry that Sirius Black could still grate on his nerves. Angry that the mutt had a better relationship with Harry than he did. And angry that he cared!

Severus Snape was not a man who cared about others. He made that mistake once before and it nearly destroyed him. Whoever came up with the saying it is better to have loved and lost should be hexed. It was complete and utter rubbish. He had spent years safely following his new mantra and now here he was angry he had no claim to the child that had managed to weasel his way in.

The fact that he felt so raw over such a thing only served to make Severus more irate. Having always prided himself on keeping his emotions very much under control, _how could he have let this happen? _

He wanted to scream and curse at the absurdity of it all, to throw his glass across the room and hex it into a thousand pieces, but instead he remained stoically still and silent.

The floo flaring to life signaled the arrival of Albus Dumbledore even though Severus had his back to the fireplace.

Severus would barely admit to tolerating the old coot, but the truth of the matter was, Albus was the one exception to Severus' rule of not caring.

The man had become very much like a father figure to him, but like with everything Severus did, he hated the man's insight with as much passion as he loved him. Albus could read his emotions far too well for Severus' comfort.

"Severus," Dumbledore prodded knowingly.

"I am not in the mood," Severus snapped, turning to find the headmaster had already made himself comfortable on the sofa.

"Your _mood_ deteriorated quite rapidly at the meeting. As there were no excessively dreary announcements, may I inquire as to the cause?" Dumbledore asked calmly. "Sirius's unfounded comments don't usually provoke you so swiftly." Although his face was set into a rather solemn expression, his blue eyes held that usual conspiratorial twinkle.

"No," Severus stated simply before taking a seemingly controlled sip of his drink, although his blood was boiling on the inside. "You may excuse yourself at any time, Albus. I know you are a busy man," he added with false pleasantry.

The headmaster merely chuckled at the sarcasm, before his expression became more serious and his eyes held a hint of sorrow.

"Severus, I could easily postulate as to what is eating at you, but if we discuss it openly, any misconceptions can be avoided," Dumbledore explained, leveling Snape with a hard glare.

"Perhaps you could have used that brain of yours to realize that you have assigned me too many tasks," Severus lied. "Between tutoring Potter in everything, his abysmal efforts at Occlumency, all the potions required for the Infirmary, and my _other job_, I do not have a moment's peace," he listed shortly, with specific vitriol added to the words 'other job'.

Instead of the effect Severus was hoping for, the headmaster's face seemed to light up.

"If you require more time with Harry, we can work out another arrangement with the potions," he said.

"That is not what I meant and you know it!" Severus snapped back without thought, but instantly wishing he could take the words back. Obviously he was letting his anger or the alcohol get away from him.

"Then perhaps we could both stop playing games and get to the heart of the matter," Dumbledore said.

It may have been his imagination, but Snape was certain the headmaster put special emphasis on the word 'heart'.

He simply scowled at the older man in way of a response before turning to refill his glass even though it wasn't yet empty.

Dumbledore refused to be deterred, however.

"From what I understand, the trial went extremely well and Harry was more than thrilled to have you accompanying him," he stated.

Severus took an unnecessarily long time adding more ice to his drink and made no attempt to reply.

"Did something occur later in the day? Perhaps an argument of sorts or a misunderstanding?" Dumbledore asked.

"A disagreement with the boy would make no difference to me," Severus whirled around and answered hotly. The headmaster was purposely trying to get a response out of him and trick him into admitting something.

"Severus, you and Sirius were at each others' throats during the meeting. You should know you have nothing to fear," Dumbledore said, finally getting straight to the point.

"Fear?" Severus sneered back in question. He refused to acknowledge that Dumbledore was right on the money. "I bow to a madman on a regular basis!" he continued, his voice rising. "THAT is the only thing I fear!"

"And as for Black, his arrogance can only grate on my nerves for so long," he started to rant until he heard the creek of the door. Whipping his head around, he found Harry's sleepy form standing in the doorway staring with wide eyes.

Severus, with his anger already raised, did the only thing he knew how to do. He lashed out.

"And _what_ do you think _you_ are doing out of bed at this time of night?" he hissed in his iciest tone.

The emerald eyes flashed with obvious hurt and whatever words the boy had been planning on saying were cut off as he snapped his mouth shut and disappeared from the doorway.

Severus continued to stare at the spot Harry had occupied, growing even angrier at his own actions. He knew exactly why the boy was up at this time of night and Harry knew that was the case as well.

"Go speak with him," Dumbledore urged, breaking Snape's silent reflection.

"I believe you get the opportunity to order me around enough," Snape said angrily, rounding on the headmaster. He squared his jaw and raised it a little higher in an attempt to defend his behavior.

"Indeed," Dumbledore admitted sadly, nodding his head and lowering his eyes. He had risen from his seat and had his hands clasped together in front of him. Taking a deep weary breath, he raised his eyes to meet Severus'. "However, I do recall one point in which you chose to follow your heart in regards to that child. I hope you choose to do so again soon."

Severus couldn't hold his mentors gaze any longer and turned away. The regret and profound sadness in those twinkling blue eyes was something he hadn't seen in some time. Or perhaps in the last month or so he had gotten used to seeing an intense pride that was now gone. Either way, Severus had no idea how to rectify the situation. He certainly couldn't follow Albus' advice, just to let himself be hurt by a child. When it came down to it, there was no doubt in Severus' mind that Harry would choose Black.

Severus barely noticed when Albus took his leave. He stood, rooted to his spot, swirling his glass of scotch around, but not drinking it. The desire to go upstairs and find Harry, who was no doubt wide awake, was extremely strong, but the thought of the humiliation he would face later on was a little stronger. Black and his gang may have gotten the better of him all through school, but the mutt would not again in adulthood.

-SS-

Harry had woken abruptly from a nightmare and had foolishly turned to see if the Professor was there. When he realized he was indeed alone, he didn't waste much time making his way to the library. Heated voices coming from downstairs sidetracked him, however.

Learning his lesson on eavesdropping, Harry pushed open the study door, catching Snape yelling something about bowing to a madman and Sirius, before the professor turned his angry stare towards him. Harry hadn't realized Dumbledore was in the room until that moment and was instantly nervous about being in the headmaster's presence, but Snape's sharp tongue quickly caught his full attention.

He had been about to ask what was wrong or if something had happened when Snape had acted as though he were a troublesome child out of bed to sneak a cookie. Snape knew exactly why he was out of bed and that was what made the whole incident hurt so much.

He hadn't wanted to go back to his room so quickly after such a detailed nightmare, but he also didn't want to be just sitting in the library where he might run into the man later. Although he secretly did want Snape to come up and apologize, tell him everything was ok, the nightmare was just a dream, and his uncle couldn't hurt him anymore.

Grabbing the throw blanket off the back of his sofa, Harry curled up in the window and stared across the darkened grounds. Even Hedwig was off flying, leaving him feeling completely alone. The sliver of moon lent a small amount of light and Harry could also see a glow coming from the study below. Perhaps Snape needed to finish his conversation with Dumbledore before he came upstairs.

He took a deep shaky breath, refusing to think that maybe Snape stopped caring. Even after the light in the study had long since gone out, he would not give up hope. It wasn't until early in the morning when Harry started to drift off to sleep, that he conceded Snape was not coming. He shouldn't have been so surprised. It always ended that way.

-SS-

After an extremely ineffective night's sleep, Harry woke with a new clarity. He was going to find out what he did wrong and what was bothering Snape and he was going to fix it. He could not allow two of the most important relationships in his life to fall apart in the same day.

He washed up and dressed quickly before making his way to the kitchen only to find it empty. He stood just inside the door contemplating where Snape might be and why he was late for breakfast. The man was always here drinking his coffee and reading the paper and Harry instantly missed that simple normalcy.

The 'pop' of Marla apparating into the room had Harry jumping backward a foot, bumping into the doorframe.

"Little Master is ready for breakfast," the elf half asked, half stated with obvious delight. She quickly shuffled over to Harry's usual chair and pulled it out for him to sit down.

"Uhh, yeah, thanks Marla," Harry answered, extremely uncomfortable with the blatant display of servitude.

"Master Severus is be out running errands and is asking Marla to make sure young master eats breakfast," she explained without prompting, while scooping heaping spoonfuls of eggs and potatoes onto his plate. _And he thought Snape made him eat a lot!_

"Uhh, thanks Marla. That's enough," Harry said holding a hand up in front of his plate to prevent a third spoonful to make its landing.

Marla clucked at him and shook her head, but put the spoon down and made to fill his glass of milk.

"So what errands is Professor Snape running?" Harry asked.

"I is only knowing Master Severus is needing more potions ingredients to finish his summer work," Marla answered. "And he is saying that young master should take himself to headquarters after breakfast to spend the day. He is not having time for training today."

"Oh," Harry answered more to himself than to the elf. Maybe the man was stressed out with all the work he had to do. Harry still couldn't help but feel as though Snape's foul mood had something to do with him specifically.

Harry ate his breakfast at an unusually slow pace, contemplating every little thing that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. Things had gone drastically downhill and the only thing that had put Snape into an obviously bad mood was the subject of Sirius. But that didn't seem like it could explain the complete attitude change in regards to him.

Finally when he couldn't feign eating any longer and Marla was bouncing up and down in excitement to clear the table, Harry made his way to the study to putt around in hopes of seeing Snape.

It was nearly ten and Snape would probably be angry that he stuck around this long, but it was all worth it when Harry got the chance to speak with him.

Harry heard the front door open and close before the potion master made his way into the study to quickly drop something on his desk. He spotted Harry in one of the chairs almost immediately and gave him a sharp look. He was carrying a satchel that Harry assumed held potions ingredients in addition to a much larger jar of some type of crushed substance that must not have fit in the bag.

"Potter, is there a reason you did not follow my instructions?" he asked simply, rummaging through some papers on his desk.

Harry had jumped from his seat at the man's words and approached cautiously. "Well, I umm, thought that maybe you would like my help here instead. I just saw everyone yesterday so I don't mind helping you brew."

"That is unnecessary," Snape said without looking up. "I have a meeting with the headmaster this afternoon so I will not be here."

Harry found himself nodding even though Snape wasn't even looking at him for a response. It was as if the man wanted him to leave.

"Sir, did I do something wrong?" Harry blurted out.

The question instantly garnered Snape's attention, but instead of helping the situation, it only seemed to make it worse. Where his attitude was simply of indifference before, now his brow was drawn tight in anger.

"Potter, contrary to what you believe, the world does not revolve around you," the professor snapped before looking away. "Go to Grimmauld Place," he commanded before gathering the potion ingredients and making his way out of the room, leaving Harry even further confused.

He was new to this whole, having an adult in your life that cared, thing and he really had no idea how it worked. So the only solution Harry could come up with was that he did indeed do something wrong. But how was he ever going to figure out what it was if Snape wouldn't tell him?

He finally decided going to Grimmauld Place might be a good idea. As much as he didn't want to tell his friends about the new change in Snape's behavior, _he could just hear Ron singing I told you so_, they might have a better idea of what he did to make Snape repulsed by his presence.

-SS-

_TBC… _

UGH! Sorry it took soooo long! But it is extra long and I already have ten pages of the next chapter written! Woohoo -Mara


	36. Ch 36 Ready or Not

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** I'm still flabbergasted, we're now over 1200 reviews and the favorites and alerts are amazing too. Thank you so much to everyone who adds the story or drops me a quick line to let me know they're enjoying it. They mean so much to me!

I know I had promised this chapter would be finished earlier, but some of you from my review replies already know I've been terribly sick. Weeks of flu like symptoms and numerous doctor appointments and they finally realized I had mono. At first I didn't realize what the big deal was, but then I realized I barely had the energy to even sit at my computer or focus on a tv show for more than a half hour at a time. It made writing, proof-reading, and editing, extremely difficult. I'm starting to feel better, but also have to contend with trying to get back to work and still needing to go to bed by like nine, so I apologize in advance if the next update takes a few weeks as well.

Special Thanks to Jess and Stacy, my fabulous betas, and Ulli, my German translator!

_From Before…_

_He finally decided going to Grimmauld Place might be a good idea. As much as he didn't want to tell his friends about the new change in Snape's behavior, he could just hear Ron singing I told you so, they might have a better idea of what he did to make Snape repulsed by his presence. _

**Ch. 36 – Ready or Not**

Harry fell ungraciously into his godfather's empty kitchen and quickly made his way through the house in search of his friends. His head hurt from thinking in circles all morning and he just wanted someone to give him a little direction at the very least.

For once he didn't have to search much of the creepy house before he found Hermione curled up in one of the lounges reading a book. Surprisingly, she was alone and not stuck cleaning a curtain full of Doxies or who knows what else Mrs. Weasley might have found.

"Harry!" she exclaimed cheerfully. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you and Ron for a minute. Do you know where he is?" Harry asked.

Hermione's excitement quickly turned to concern.

"It's nothing serious," Harry added hastily. "I just need some ideas," he said, knowing that would spark something in Hermione. She never could resist a challenge.

"Alright," she agreed, marking her place in the book and setting it on the table next to her chair. "He's probably in his room trying to finish his summer work. You would think I never even tried to get him to start it earlier. I certainly hope you haven't let yours go as well," she added, giving Harry a critical stare.

"Professor Snape has had me working on it all summer," he said, appeasing the young witch immediately.

Hermione let out a sigh. "Oh, right; and you had access to that amazing library," she said with a reverential smile before leading the way out of the room and up to Ron's.

Sure enough, their red-headed friend was sprawled out on his bed with books and parchment, but instead of working, he was most definitely snoring.

"Ronald!" Hermione hissed indignantly once they were both inside with the door closed.

The boy in question's head came up quickly. "Can you repeat the question ma'am?" he asked groggily, still clearly in the realm of some dream.

"Ron," Harry interjected, before Hermione could grow more annoyed. "Ron, wake up," he said, shaking his friends shoulder.

"Harry?" Ron asked in confusion, finally coming around. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up completely, giving Hermione a sheepish look. "I didn't sleep well last night," he tried in vain to explain his taking a nap at ten in the morning.

The little witch was unable to contain a snort of amusement, which at least indicated she was not actually angry.

"So what did you need our help with Harry?" Hermione asked, taking a seat on the bed opposite Ron's.

"You need our help?" Ron chorused in confusion, still rubbing at his eyes.

Harry stuck his hands in his pocket and shuffled his feet. "Well, umm…" _Just get it over with, _Harry told himself. Both his friends were staring intently at him and it would only be harder if he dragged it out.

"Alright… you're right. I like having Snape around. And now he has been acting differently since yesterday and I don't know what I did to upset him. And before you say it Ron, I don't need to hear '_I told you so'_," he rattled off quickly, all in one breath.

Hermione simply stared at him in concern, but it was obvious Ron was having a very hard time following the instructions not to say _'I told you so'_.

"Well, what do you mean exactly, by acting differently?" Hermione asked carefully.

Harry tried to wet his suddenly dry mouth and steeled himself to be as honest as possible. He needed their advice and knew it wouldn't pay to keep things from them.

"Yesterday at my hearing he was really… supportive. And even here before lunch. But then when I got back last night, I was kind of depressed because I'm worried about Sirius. But Snape just seemed to be annoyed with me, short with conversation, and the Occlumency lesson went horribly. And then…" Harry took a deep breath and pushed on. "I woke around midnight and heard Snape arguing with someone in the study. He seemed really upset and I wanted to find out what was wrong, but instead he just snapped at me like I shouldn't be out of bed."

Ron looked even angrier than before, but Hermione was obviously confused and Harry realized he would have to explain a little further since he hadn't specifically told her about the nightmares.

"Umm… the professor knows I have nightmares and he's usually really good about them," he said, trying to ignore the blush threatening to cover his cheeks. It was one thing that Ron knew about his nightmares, but telling Hermione, a girl, seemed even harder.

Hermione's features softened in just that way that Harry had been hoping to avoid. He didn't want her pity. He just wanted to know how to fix things with Snape.

"Harry, maybe Professor Snape just has a lot on his mind right now. It's not right for him to take that out on you, but when someone is stressed out they do tend to take it out on the people closest to them," Hermione explained gently. "There was an Order meeting last night. Maybe he received some troubling news. I'm sure it is nothing you did and you should never think that way."

Harry didn't believe her, but he didn't want to tell Hermione that. It was usually something he did. Even if Snape had slowly gotten him to realize everything with the Dursleys might not have been his fault, it was too easy to remember the things his uncle used to say. It always came down to being his fault.

"If Snape _really_ cared about you, he would not be angry with you for no reason," Ron finally said heatedly.

"But that's what I mean. I'm sure there is a reason," Harry countered, not realizing how horrible his logic sounded.

"If you did something, he should tell you!" Ron snapped, his face growing redder. "Real parents do not hold grudges and not explain why they are upset with you!"

"Ron," Hermione said tentatively, trying to capture their friend's attention before he lost his temper.

Harry watched as his two friends locked eyes and Ron snapped his mouth closed in some type of acknowledgement.

"Harry, Ron is right," Hermione explained more carefully. "I'm sure the professor is just overwhelmed. He has so much on his plate. I don't see what you could have done to upset him."

Harry nodded his head slowly, trying to process Hermione's theory. It did make sense. Maybe there was some bad news at the meeting and it was all just overwhelming. Although Harry had been helping brew potions with Snape, they were still behind on the man's schedule since the trial. And then today was another day wasted because Snape said he had to meet with the headmaster. If Harry could help alleviate some of the professor's burdens, maybe he wouldn't be so upset and things could go back to the way they were. He would just have to spend the afternoon brewing while Snape was meeting with Dumbledore.

"You're brilliant Hermione," Harry said, smiling at his friend. "I have to go," he added, quickly turning towards the door, but before he could open it Ron had jumped from his seat and was holding it closed with one arm.

"Ron, there is something I have to do this afternoon while Snape is gone. I don't have a lot of time," Harry tried to explain to his friend.

"We need to talk first," the red-head replied.

Harry didn't like Ron's ominous tone and took a step back from the door. "We can talk later. I only have this afternoon to do this."

"Harry," Ron said nervously. "I know we've already talked about this, and you've explained all the ways Snape has changed, but I still don't see it. And this," Ron said while gesturing around with his hands, "just proves my point further."

Harry could feel his heart-rate speed up. He really didn't want to try and justify everything again, but he should have expected this when he came here today.

"Listen, I'm not arguing with you about this again, you should just trust me, he's been different this summer-"

"You keep saying that, but how is he any different than the Dursleys?" Ron interrupted.

"What?" It was Harry's turn to be outraged. _How in the world could Ron make that connection?_ "The Dursleys are awful. How could you even compare them?" he said, shaking his head.

"How? Snape ridicules you, yells at you, and calls you names - all the things you said the Dursleys would do. And now he's mad at you for no reason, taking his anger out on you!"

Harry continued to shake his head in denial. "He's nothing like the Dursleys!"

"HOW?" Ron yelled, growing more and more angry. "'Because to me he seems exactly the same!"

Neither wizard paid any attention to Hermione as the little witch tried desperately to catch their attention and diffuse the situation by tugging on both their sleeves.

Harry flung her off, waving his hands. Snape had done too much for him this summer to ever be compared to the Dursleys and he wouldn't stand for it. "He's nothing like them and I've already explained that! And I thought you would realize that after everything I have told you. It's one thing not to trust Snape, but I would hope you could trust me."

As their voices escalated even further Hermione quickly put up a silencing charm.

"You tell me different things every day and Snape still looks like a bastard, just like your relatives! How is he any different?"

"He's not a bastard and he's nothing like my relatives!"

"HOW?"

"He would never hit me!" Harry finally cried out, effectively silencing the entire room. He stared in mortification at his best friend as the realization of what he just said set in. His chest was heaving up and down with each heavy breath and all he could hear was the air rushing in his head like a tornado.

"Th – that's not what I meant," he said shakily, blinking and turning away.

"Harry?" Hermione questioned in a tiny whisper as Ron breathed out at the same time, "That's exactly what you meant."

Harry scrubbed at his face with both hands and tried his best to just remember how to breathe. He inhaled deeply and slowly let it out before he felt a hand descend on his arm. He flinched away as though he were burned and stepped out of reach, turning to face his friends.

"No, that's not what I meant," he said, steeling himself back to an impassive expression, but he couldn't quite bring himself to look at his friend's faces.

He heard Ron draw in a deep agitated breath before speaking.

"Harry, the Dursley's hit you, don't they?" he asked solemnly although his voice implied he already knew the answer.

"No," Harry murmured, but Ron continued to speak.

"You need to talk to us. Please," he pleaded.

Harry continued to shake his head in denial. He wasn't ready for this. It wasn't supposed to go this way.

"I can't do this right now," Harry said, pushing his way past Ron to the door, but he stopped in his tracks at his friend's next words.

"If you won't, I'll have no choice but to tell my parents," Ron said, with grim determination.

"You have no right! It's not your place!" Harry shouted as he rounded on his friend in outrage. Snape had always made sure it washis decision to tell other people. How dare Ron take that away from him!

Ron grabbed both of Harry's arms and refused to let go. "Yes it is! You're my best friend and best friends protect each other," he said shakily. "I'd never forgive myself if I didn't do something to stop this. As it is, I can't believe I didn't realize sooner."

"It doesn't matter right now," Harry countered, trying to shrug off Ron's hands without any luck. His anger slowly deflated the more Ron's words sunk in.

"I don't care if it's the summer and you think you won't see them for a year. It does matter! They need to pay for what they've done," Ron said in indignation. "And we need to make sure you never go back there."

Harry was trying his best to look anywhere but into Ron's eyes. He was unsure of how to handle the righteous anger his friend was displaying on his behalf. But the other alternative was catching sight of Hermione just past him. She had her arms wrapped around her own torso and Harry could see her bottom lip trembling as though she were about to burst into tears at any second.

"Snape already took care of it, so please don't tell your parents, Ron," Harry begged in a near whisper. When he finally met his friend's blue eyes, he was surprised to see more shock than when he had slipped about the Dursleys hitting him.

"He told Dumbledore and said I don't have to go back there," Harry explained further while slipping out of Ron's slackened grip and bypassing both his friends to sit on the bed. He didn't add that he was still skeptical about that last part. Instead he pulled his feet up onto the bed and hugged his knees to his chest, resigned to the fact that he was not going to get out of this conversation now.

Harry let his eyes fall shut as his mind frantically ran through all the possible ways this conversation could go. If his heart hadn't been beating in his throat he would have laughed at how ironic last night's dinner conversation with Snape was.

"How long have they been hurting you?" Ron asked in a quiet steeled voice, much closer to Harry than if he were still standing across the room.

When Harry opened his eyes he found Ron sitting on the bed directly across from him, leaning forward with his elbows propped up on his knees. Hermione, he could see out of the corner of his eye, was still rooted to her spot. She finally took a few hesitant steps forward before sitting cautiously on the edge of Harry's bed. She appeared to be restraining herself from smothering him in a hug.

Harry found he couldn't stare at the blue eyes across from him and settled on a spot on the floor between Ron's feet. There was a small hole forming in one of his socks and his middle toe was starting to stick through. It amazed Harry to think that his friend could be so impassive over most things, while being so vehement over this.

"It wasn't that bad," Harry said automatically, attempting to diffuse the situation as he shrugged his shoulders.

Harry couldn't see Ron clench his teeth, but he heard the sharp hiss his friend issued at his words. Surprisingly, Hermione spoke up before Ron could reprimand him.

"Harry, if they hurt you at all it's bad. They have no right, no matter what they say," she said soberly. "And even neglect is child abuse. We should have tried to get you away sooner."

"How long have they been hurting you?" Ron repeated, more bitterness creeping into his voice this time.

"It doesn't matter," Harry said with another shrug.

"Of course it does!" Ron shouted, making Harry jump. "If we had known sooner we could have stopped you from going back to that hell hole!"

"Look, it didn't happen that often. Only when I did something _bad_. Mostly accidental magic." He was still avoiding the question and doing his best to look anywhere, but at Ron.

"So it's always happened?" Ron asked in answer to his own question, his voice indicating he had just come to a grim revelation.

Harry didn't want to answer the question and he certainly didn't want to see the disappointment he knew would be on his friend's face, but Ron's tone had him needing to know, needing to get it over with. He kept his head bowed, but quickly snapped his gaze up to see Ron's expression.

Harry was surprised to find his best friend more angry than disappointed. Ron's lips were pursed together and his brow was drawn tightly. He wanted to ask if Ron was angry with him, but he was afraid to hear the answer. The whole situation had him wishing he could just crawl into a hole and hide. His eyes started to burn and he tried to take a few deep breaths and blink to get rid of the childish tears. He didn't want to disappoint his friends or have them angry at him.

"Harry," Hermione said softly, finally laying a hand on his foot. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

Her voice was definitely sad, but Harry couldn't decide if there was anything else, perhaps disappointment or a hint of accusation.

"Better yet, why would you tell Snape before you told us?" Ron said angrily.

"I didn't tell Snape. He saw," Harry snapped back instantly. "And if it were up to me, no one would know," he added seriously. Snape had reassured him this conversation would go alright, but so far, Harry didn't see it going very well at all. He glued his eyes back to the floor and worried his bottom lip between his teeth.

"And like I said, it wasn't that bad."

"And that's bollocks! If it weren't that bad Snape wouldn't have noticed!" Ron answered vehemently.

"Harry, why didn't you think you could talk to us?" Hermione interrupted softly. "We're your best friends."

"Because it's embarrassing! And when exactly was I supposed to bring it up? On the train when you were looking for Neville's toad? At the opening feast after our sorting? After our run in with the troll?" Harry ranted defensively. "How was I supposed to know then that I could trust either of you?"

"You bloody prat!" Ron said moving from his spot on the bed to crouch on the floor directly in front of Harry. "Because we're practically family and we've stuck by you through everything, except maybe my bloody stupidity last year, but I promise that won't happen again. Harry… seriously, we… love you," he finished in a whisper.

Harry swallowed thickly and tried to blink away the now obvious tears forming in his eyes. He'd never heard Ron talk so sincerely. The red-head's voice held so much emotion Harry was overwhelmed and his blue eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. It was almost enough to undo Harry and he had to close his own eyes to gather himself back together.

"I - I didn't know… at first."

Harry had to pause for a moment and wet his lips before continuing.

"And by the time I thought… well, it seemed too late. I never had real friends before."

Harry continued to keep his eyes closed, afraid to face either of his friends. It was still hard to know whether Ron thought him pathetic that he let this happen. The boy had been obviously angry, but for what reasons Harry wasn't completely sure.

He was startled when hands descended onto his knees and he opened his eyes to see Ron shaking him gently.

"Well now you know," the red-head scolded with obvious warmth to his voice.

Hermione simultaneously wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him slightly towards her into an embrace.

"Harry, it's never too late. You can always come to us," she soothed. "If someone were hurting either Ron or me, you would be the first to try and stop it."

Harry nodded his head slightly. Yes, he did know that was true. He wouldn't let anyone hurt his friends without doing something about it, but when it came to him, for some reason he felt differently. Perhaps it was the knowledge of the Dursley's hatred of magic. If Harry hadn't done any accidental magic, maybe his aunt and uncle could have loved him like Dudley. And then there was also the fact that he was a wizard and should have been able to protect himself, maybe not when he was younger, but by now. Wouldn't Ron think it was pathetic that he let himself get beat up?

He closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the physical contact his friends were providing before readying himself for that revelation.

"I should have stood up for myself," Harry whispered.

Ron's hands flew off him instantly and he flinched before shrugging Hermione's arm off his shoulders.

"What?" the red-head shouted. "You were just a kid! How can you say that you should have stood up for yourself?" he continued in outrage.

At least Ron's anger was easier for Harry to deal with than the profound sadness he had been displaying a few minutes earlier.

"I'm a wizard. I should have been able to defend myself," Harry stated lamely.

"Yeah, a wizard who can't use magic during the summer and he's a muggle who is like what - twenty times bigger than you? Not to mention he's been doing this a long time," Ron continued to argue. "You cannot possibly think it's your fault!"

"Harry," Hermione cut in. "Is that why you didn't want to tell us before? Did you think we would blame you?" she asked seriously.

Harry considered her question for a long time. Yes, that was part of the reason why he didn't want to tell anyone, but he wasn't sure if he could admit it. She didn't sound like she blamed him, nor did Ron, and Snape reminded him almost every day that it wasn't his fault, but Harry was still unsure of himself and ended up just shrugging his shoulders.

"Harry!" Hermione reprimanded. "No one has the right to hurt you, especially not your relatives, the people who are supposed to take care of you and love you."

"If Hermione's parents were hurting her, you wouldn't blame her would you?" Ron asked.

"No, of course not," Harry answered quickly. "Look I know all this. Snape and I have discussed it a lot and he's always telling me it's not my fault." A part of him knew it was true, but another part almost needed to hold onto that fallacy or he would feel like an idiot for not saying anything sooner.

"But you still thought _we_ might blame you?" Ron asked. He didn't give Harry a chance to answer though. "Well let's get this clear. There is no way it's your fault. And from now on, we all need to promise to talk to each other if someone is hurting any of us," he ordered.

It was hard not to think other people might take his uncle's side and believe he deserved it, so it meant a lot to Harry to hear his friends were on his side. He was equally grateful Ron hadn't singled him out and quickly nodded his head as Hermione said, "Deal."

The three Gryffindors sat in silence for a few minutes and Harry knew they weren't finished with this discussion. It was obvious his friends weren't going to be satisfied until they knew more of what happened and Ron's next question confirmed that.

"What did Snape see?"

Harry took a minute to think about the question. He could be short and to the point or he could start at the beginning and just get everything out there. He didn't know how much of this conversation he was ready to have, but eventually decided he should just explain the entire summer as best he could. Maybe then his friends would be able to better understand his new relationship with Professor Snape as well.

"Your dad showed up one morning and I… didn't know what else to do," Harry began. If his friends thought the statement random they didn't comment.

Harry found the creases on the knees of his jeans to be extremely interesting, running his fingers up and down them as he continued his story. "I had some bruises and… a black eye. My aunt gave me my wand back and I used a glamour charm to hide everything."

"I – I was embarrassed and didn't want anyone to know so I acted like everything was fine. Your Dad seemed a little suspicious at first, but he must have bought it. It wasn't long after he left that I received the warning from the Ministry. Then Snape showed up."

Harry found the conversation less difficult than he had expected except for the actual explanations of how he felt. That day seemed so far away and completely unreal now. So much of this summer felt unreal actually. He had been so shocked when he found Snape standing at the door, but it had been an even bigger shock to learn that…

"He and my aunt knew each other somehow," Harry said aloud. He hadn't given it much thought since that day, what with everything else that had come up this summer.

Harry shook his head trying to rid himself of that thought and refocus on getting through the story.

"Anyway, he asked to speak with me in private. Dumbledore must have sent him in regards to the notification of under-aged magic. But he knew somehow that I was wearing a glamour charm. I tried to deny it, but it just made him angrier."

Harry glanced up through his fringe to see both his friends completely engrossed in the story. He knew they would have a million questions to ask, but he was grateful they continued to hold their tongues for the moment.

"He canceled the spell himself and then he seemed even angrier," Harry said, remembering his professor's reaction. The usually composed man had actually stuttered his words a little at first, probably from shock, but then it was obvious Snape was trying extremely hard to hide the anger in his voice. And then there was that look in Snape's eye down in the kitchen. Something Harry had never seen before that day, but now he had noticed quite a few times over the past few months.

"But he wasn't mad at me," Harry added quickly, realizing Ron was probably taking it the wrong way.

"What did he do?" Ron asked. Harry gave his friend a long look, surprised at how calmly he was handling this so far.

"He told me to pack. I assumed he was going to bring me here, but… he didn't. He took me to his manor and gave me a bunch of potions and had this cream that healed my bruises."

"I never realized there was a healing balm that could make them heal so quickly," he added as an afterthought.

"I've read about it in healing magazines," Hermione spoke up. "But it isn't really available to the general public because of the cost."

"The cost?" Harry asked in surprise, actually giving the bushy-haired witch his full attention. "It's expensive? Why?"

"It uses an extremely rare herb, but other people speculate that it might even have phoenix tears in it and you know how rare those are," she explained further.

Harry sat in shock for a minute just staring at the witch. So Snape had used a much more expensive healing balm on him, when he could have just as easily sent him away with the normal stuff. Even at that point in the summer, the professor was already proving he wasn't cold and heartless. He wondered if it would be rude to ask Snape more about the balm because he was quite intrigued with it now.

"But it wouldn't be that strange for Professor Snape to have it since he is the one that patented the recipe," Hermione interrupted his thoughts.

"What?" he asked dumbly.

"Professor Snape is the one who invented it," she clarified slowly.

Now Harry had even more questions. When had Snape created the potion and what had encouraged him to look for such a quick healing balm? If they could ever get back to talking civilly to each other he would definitely have to ask the Professor about it.

"And then he brought you to headquarters and you made up the story about hexing your cousin?" Ron finally spoke up, directing the conversation back to the topic at hand.

Harry had actually almost forgotten what they had been speaking about, but the relaxed feeling wasn't meant to last.

"Err, no. Actually, Snape made up the story about me hexing my cousin."

Ron's lips parted as though he was about to retort with something, but then had no idea what to say.

"So I know you think he's always been a jerk, but even then he was looking out for me," Harry said, locking eyes with his best friend and willing the words to set in. If nothing else, he needed to make his friends see how much Snape had changed this summer.

The silence almost had Harry convinced that Ron was coming around, but it was too much to hope for.

"But now he's being a jerk again for no reason," Ron pointed out. "I don't see how you can trust him."

"Because he's done more for me this summer than anyone!" Harry answered heatedly. "Do you really think no one ever knew during my primary school? But no one ever did anything and it only made things worse. Professor Snape actually did something." Harry could feel his eyes start prickling again. It was overwhelming to think about everything Snape had done for him and then to actually voice it all aloud.

"And any one of us would have as well, including Sirius, if we had known," Ron countered.

"I know that, all right. And it's stupid I know, but – but Snape is the closest thing I've ever known to having a father. He's actually taken care of me this summer. He healed me with that special cream, when he didn't have to, and he lied so I didn't have to talk about the Dursleys when I wasn't ready. He created a special pain potion just for me, when my scar hurt. He makes sure I eat right and get enough sleep, and when I can't sleep he has tea for me. He risked a lot to go to my trial with me, just because he knew I wanted him there and he argued with the guard to make sure he got to come into the courtroom with me. And he makes me talk about the Dursleys, but he lets me do it at my own pace."

By the end of his rant, Harry was breathing hard and instantly embarrassed about all he had admitted. His friends were gazing at him sadly.

"Look, I know it's stupid, and pathetic, because I'm just his student, but you just don't understand everything he's done for me," Harry finished in a shaky voice.

"You're right, Harry, we couldn't possibly understand because we haven't seen it all and up until now, you haven't even explained most of it, but that doesn't mean we don't approve," Hermione said with a gentle smile.

Harry gave her a hesitant one back before glancing nervously at Ron.

"I just don't like the fact that he's being a git again," Ron explained after a moment.

"I don't either. That's why I need to find out what I did wrong," Harry returned.

"Can you not talk like that?" Ron asked heatedly. "Let's make a deal. I promise to be more _open-minded_ about Snape, if you promise not to blame yourself for him being a git."

Harry couldn't help but snort in amusement at Ron's exaggerated tone. "Alright," he found himself agreeing as he nodded his head. He was rewarded with a grin from his red-headed friend.

-SS-

_TBC… _

Hope you all enjoy. Sorry no Snape, but I promise he'll be back first thing next chapter, and he'll be back with a vengeance. (No I just wanted to say that, alright obviously I'm tired and still sick, so I'll shut up now.) Leave me some luv - Mara


	37. Ch 37 Repercussions

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** I know I say thanks every time I post, but you all really do inspire me to keep writing as fast as possible. And thank you so much for all the get well wishes! I'm definitely feeling better, just a lingering cold. Happy early Thanksgiving, or just happy Thursday!

Special Thanks to Jess and Stacy, my fabulous betas, and Ulli, my German translator!

_From Before…_

_Harry couldn't help but snort in amusement at Ron's exaggerated tone. "Alright," he found himself agreeing as he nodded his head. He was rewarded with a grin from his red-headed friend. _

**Ch. 37- Repercussions**

Receiving another lecture from Albus was not Severus's idea of a good time. They had spent much of the afternoon working on new information to feed to the Dark Lord, but of course he couldn't escape without another conversation about his personal relationship with the Boy Who Lived. He should have seen this coming.

"Now, how are things with Harry?" Dumbledore asked cheerfully, as though the whole incident last night had never happened.

"This conversation seems a bit redundant, does it not?" Severus answered, as though extremely bored.

The wizened old wizard folded his hands together on his desk and gave Snape a long look over his half moon spectacles. Severus just barely managed to squash the feeling to squirm like a petulant child under his father's glare.

"You underestimate the amount of love that child has to offer," the headmaster said solemnly.

"And you overestimate mine," Severus deadpanned, causing Albus to chuckle.

"If we are done here," Severus added, gathering up his papers, "then I have work to do."

He was halfway to the door before Dumbledore stopped him.

"Severus, many people have given you another chance, and Harry has already proven he will as well, and yet you still will not give the same to that boy?"

He didn't give the Headmaster an answer as he stormed from the office.

It had nothing to do with giving Harry another chance. If anyone deserved that it was Harry, but Severus knew he was not the one worthy of giving it to him as Harry had made it quite clear that he had his godfather to worry about.

Unfortunately for Severus, in the process of promising to help the boy this summer, he had grown far too attached. He already wanted the child in his life in a much more permanent way and it was obvious that was not possible. If he didn't put a stop to it now, it would hurt far worse later and Severus would not be humiliated like that again.

-SS-

Severus half expected to find Harry waiting for him in the study, attempting to continue their conversation from the morning, but the boy wasn't there. A little pang of hurt struck him at the idea that he had succeeded in pushing Harry away so quickly. He couldn't deny it had been nice knowing someone who cared was waiting for him. But it didn't matter. He didn't need Harry just like the teen didn't need him, or at least that was what he tried to tell himself.

It was almost time for dinner and after a quick check of Harry's room, Severus was certain the boy was still at Grimmauld Place. Although he hadn't given Harry a set time to return and they wouldn't routinely have another Occlumency lesson until tomorrow, Severus decided he felt like being spiteful.

In a matter of minutes he was stepping gracefully into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. The sight that greeted him only served to fuel his resentment.

Harry's two little side-kicks were seated at the table while the room was distinctly void of the brat himself. It took only a second for Severus to conclude that Harry was off spending more quality time with the mutt.

"Where's Potter?" he asked coldly. He watched in amusement as the Granger girl's eyes widened to the size of galleons and the Weasley boy gulped nervously. _Hmm, so the brat was up to no good._

He was greeted with silence from the two teens.

"Questions customarily warrant answers," Snape drawled before snapping out, "Now!"

"Uhh, he's not here, sir," Granger managed to stutter out.

"What do you mean, he's not here?" Snape hissed angrily. _Who authorized the boy to go somewhere else? Certainly not the Headmaster. If that idiot, Black, did something foolish he would strangle them both._

"He went back to your manor about an hour ago, Professor," Granger continued meekly.

Severus' train of thought came to an abrupt halt. But he had checked Harry's room and the boy hadn't been there, or in the study, the two most logical places. And he distinctly remembered seeing the teen's Firebolt propped up by the patio door.

"He said he wanted to brew more potions to help you out," the young witch continued to explain even as Weasley blatantly tried to get her to shut up by elbowing her in the arm.

"What?" Severus thundered, effectively hiding the panic invading his mind. The foolish brat was brewing without any supervision and Severus hadn't even had a chance to put away the new ingredients he had acquired. It would be so easy for an untrained child to confuse powdered root of phytolacca and asphodel.

He turned on his heel, intent on getting back to the manor and grounding Harry until he turned thirty, but Weasley had him halting in his tracks.

"You can't be mad at him!" he shouted bravely.

Severus turned slowly and gave the teen his best scowl, proving he most certainly could be mad at Harry. The look would have typically had Weasley petrified in his spot, but surprisingly the Gryffindor plunged on ahead.

"He's brewing potions to help YOU," he said indignantly. "He said you've been mad at him and he's trying to fix things. But why you mean so much to him is beyond me."

The scowl never left Severus' face, which probably only fueled the anger in Ron's voice, but internally Severus was dumbfounded. Had Harry really said that and went through that trouble to try and fix things?

He didn't give the Gryffindors any type of response, but turned quickly and disappeared through the floo. Before even stepping completely out of the fireplace he was already shouting.

"POTTER!"

He hoped his demanding tone would at least have the boy meeting him halfway, but that didn't stop Severus from picking up his own pace.

A thousand scenarios were now flying through his head, each one involving a far worse potions accident than the last and the panic was starting to creep into his voice.

"POTTER!" he shouted again, hoping to see the boy appear at the top of the stairs as he passed by or come out of the kitchen door, but there was no such luck.

The hallway to the lab seemed to go on for miles and Severus cursed having such a large manor. He burst through the door with such force that he didn't have time to prepare for the cloud of gas that assaulted him. He'd been breathing heavily on his brisk trek and took in a huge gulp of the noxious chemicals.

He had to turn back to the door, choking and coughing as he covered his mouth with his sleeve until he could find fresh air again. The smog had already begun to sting his eyes, but he quickly pulled out his wand and cast a charm to clear some of the immediate air.

The haze hung so thick in the room that it muted the lights, but Severus would know the lab blind-folded. He quickly cut a straight path towards the workbench and once within a few feet of it, he spotted the crumpled figure on the floor.

There had only been a few times Severus had felt his heart plummet to the floor quite like this and every muscle in his body seemed like it was gripped in fear, but he wasted no time in scooping Harry up and dashing back out of the room, letting the air cleaning charm fail as he waved the door open. Without really a thought he had it sealed shut again, preventing any of the dangerous fumes from following.

Once out in the relative safety of the hall, Severus cradled Harry's head in his hand as he laid the boy down on the floor. With his wand hand extricated, he shot off two frantic Patronuses to Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore, before leaning over to check Harry's breathing. It was shallow and sporadic and Severus had no idea how long the boy had been breathing in the toxic fumes.

He could feel his heart beating in his throat and the panic was threatening to overwhelm him. He wanted to scream and shout and shake the child. He always remained calm and in control in the face of any emergency, but he'd never really been presented with someone he cared about being dangerously injured. He felt unbelievably helpless. Even with the threat of the Dark Lord going after Lily and desperately approaching Dumbledore for help, he felt as though the situation had been controlled, that he had made a difference. Then she had been ripped away so suddenly that Severus hadn't had the chance to panic over it, only grieve the loss. Here with Harry, things were so different. It was like his worst nightmare playing out.

He stared at the unnaturally pale face of the child trying to force his normally calm and practical brain to formulate a plan. He summoned a set of his emergency potions and tore through the bag like a madman, scattering vials all across the floor until he came to a pale green one.

Severus hadn't even realized he had been murmuring to the boy, pleading with him to wake up.

"Come on Harry. Keep breathing," he begged hoping the boy would follow his command as he pulled Harry up to elevate his head.

The teens' eyelids fluttered open for a second and Severus exhaled a breath he didn't even realize he had been holding.

"Harry," he whispered in relief. "You have to swallow this," he said, pressing the vial to the boy's lips and tilting it back.

"And this," he said, quickly casting the first vial aside once it was empty and scooping up another of deep midnight blue. He'd only taken his eyes off Harry's face for a split second, but it was enough time for the boy's eyes to close. The cool liquid hitting his tongue reawakened him however and Severus felt himself exhale another sigh of relief.

After doing as told and swallowing both potions, Harry slowly let his eyes fall shut again and Severus faintly heard him whisper, "Sorry."

"Don't be ridiculous Harry, you have nothing to be sorry for," he answered back softly, but after a few minutes, the boy's eyes did not reopen.

"Harry?" Severus questioned with renewed panic, his voice trembling more than he would ever admit.

Another thought struck him and he quickly conjured a small oxygen ball around the boy's mouth and nose, but still he didn't stir.

"Harry, please wake up," he begged again, holding the child close to him. The potions should have helped clear out his lungs and open his airways. Was there something else wrong?

Severus frantically ran through the ingredients he assumed Harry had combined incorrectly, and the resulting toxic gas that would have occurred. If his predictions were correct, the phytolacca that he had left on the counter, introduced to an ordinary sleeping potion, would have caused the thick gas he had seen in the lab. The toxic vapors would have quickly filled the boy's lungs, hindering his breathing, causing his airways to constrict and burning his pharynx on the way down. But the potions he gave him should have helped to correct that and prevent any further damage.

If he hadn't been so irrational with fear he would have noticed that Harry's breathing had evened out, but his thoughts were interrupted by Poppy calling his name.

"Severus?" she shouted from the foyer, instantly picking up her pace once she spotted them.

He craned his neck to meet the Mediwitch's eyes and silently pleaded with her to do something, unable to form any words. He still sat with one arm wrapped protectively around Harry while the other hand carded through the boy's hair.

"What happened?" she demanded even as she already had her wand drawn and began running diagnostic spells. She managed to keep her composure spectacularly as she listened to her colleague stutter for the first time in as many as twenty years.

"I – he-" Severus shook his head as he took a deep breath.

"Severus, what happened?" Poppy repeated as she slowed her wand movements and turned her attention more towards him than Harry.

"I believe he mistakenly used powdered root of phytolacca in a Dreamless Sleep Potion instead of powdered root of asphodel." The Mediwitch's eyes widened as he continued. "I found him unconscious and his breathing was labored."

"Did you give him anything?" Poppy demanded, her eyes darting back and forth from the scattered potion vials to the potion master's eyes.

"An instant acting anti-inflammatory and a general antidote."

Poppy's face immediately softened in relief as she gazed at Severus, but his eyes were still wild with fear.

"Poppy, do something," he begged. "He won't wake up."

"Severus," she said softly, laying a hand on his shoulder. "You administered the correct potions. His vitals look good and he is stable, but his body has been deprived of oxygen. Why don't we get Mr. Potter to a bed where he will be more comfortable?"

Severus stared at his colleague dumbly.

"Severus," she snapped, finally breaking through his shock. "It will be a rough couple days for Mr. Potter, but he is stable right now. Let's move him to a bed and I will finish checking on him."

He finally gave her a sharp nod and stood, scooping Harry up with him. The weight of the fifteen year old boy didn't faze him as he quickly and carefully led the way up to Harry's bedroom.

After situating the boy on the bed, Severus stepped back to allow Poppy to work. He watched with a million thoughts flooding through his head that even his Occlumency shields couldn't hold. Harry's face looked so unnaturally pale and his lips were tinted blue. What if he had been deprived of too much oxygen?

He'd worried about Harry in the past whenever the boy managed to find trouble and near death, but now, this feeling was entirely new to Severus. It was as if a piece of him was being ripped out. The part he thought he had long since buried back when Lily died.

The last he had spoken with Harry could only be characterized as an unpleasant conversation, leaving Harry to think that Severus was angry with him. And now… Severus tried to shut his mind off from going in the direction of all the horrible outcomes that could befall the boy. He just simply couldn't think about losing him.

"Severus," Dumbledore said softly, laying a hand on his arm cautiously, almost reassuringly.

He hadn't even noticed the elder wizard had arrived, as he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts and fears watching Harry lying so listlessly on the bed with Madame Pomfrey bustling around him.

Severus found he could only nod his head in one sharp movement in reply to the headmaster. His gaze remained locked on Harry's face, wishing more than anything to see the boy's eyes open, even though he knew logically that the potions they had administered at this point would not allow it.

He could hear Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore conversing in hushed tones next to Harry's bed, but all that registered was a dull hum. Rather than join them, he stood rooted to his spot, wanting nothing more than to pull up a chair as close as humanly possible to the boy, but also feeling unworthy of such a position.

This was his doing in more ways than one. His actions had driven Harry to the potions lab. Weasley had made that very clear. And he had carelessly left out all those ingredients, not properly stored or labeled, breaking one of the first rules of a potion master.

It was all like one terrible nightmare and Severus was so frustrated with himself for having no idea what to do. He ripped his eyes away from Harry and in one swift movement, exited the room, drawing his wand as he went.

-SS-

Albus had come as quickly as he could after receiving Snape's frantic Patronus saying Harry was injured. He knew Severus could handle most anything and wouldn't have called him unless the situation was dire. He had spotted the scattered potion vials when he entered the foyer and quickly made his way to the second floor in search of Harry's bedroom.

He had been right in his assumption and found Severus standing like a ghostly presence on the perimeter of the bedroom as Madame Pomfrey worked her magic over Harry. The boy was extremely still and he didn't want to interrupt the Mediwitch, but after three failed attempts to reach Severus, Albus was left with no choice in order to receive answers.

While Poppy was explaining what she knew of the potions accident and Harry's condition, Albus tried to keep an eye on Severus. The potion master's eerie silence and heavy breathing indicated how disturbed by the incident he really was. And then he tore from the room without a word.

Albus didn't need to hear the spells to know that Snape was expending a large amount of magical energy. He only hoped he didn't injure himself in the process.

-SS-

Severus let out a long shuddering breath that shook his whole frame before letting his head fall back. He caught a glimpse of a black scorch mark from one of his angry spells marring the white ceiling before he closed his eyes and rubbed a weary hand across his face. With his own silencing spell up, he was startled by Dumbledore's hand on his arm for the second time that evening.

He had put the hallway back in order aside from that one scorch mark, but there was no point in pretending the headmaster didn't know what he had been doing. The elder wizard knew him too well.

"Severus, Poppy tells me Harry seems to be in the clear although it will be a couple weeks before his health is restored completely. If not for your quick thinking, he may have sustained much more permanent damage," Dumbledore explained.

"And if not for my actions, the boy wouldn't even be in this situation," Severus ground out.

"Perhaps you could explain the incident in more detail and allow me to be the judge," Dumbledore said more calmly.

Severus didn't even register Albus' words. Instead he started to pace back towards Harry's door before changing his mind at the last minute and retracing his steps. Guilt had been a driving force in his life for so long that it came naturally to him now. After years of torturing himself with Lily's death, seeing Harry lying so lifeless was destined to just add fuel to that fire.

Abruptly he squared off to face the headmaster, adopting a stony face.

"Would you prefer we move him to the hospital wing or Grimmauld Place?" he asked seriously, trying not to let any of his pain show at the thought of relinquishing the boy.

"If you believe I don't see what you're trying to do, Severus, you really are slipping," Dumbledore returned in an equally serious tone.

Snape merely squared his jaw and tilted his chin higher. "Someone will need to notify Black."

"That will be unnecessary at the present moment. Poppy has already explained to me that it may be a few days before Harry regains consciousness, what with the potions he has been dosed with and the prolonged exposure to the fumes from the Dreamless Sleep Potion, but he is out of immediate danger. You're perfectly qualified to care for him and thus there is no reason to move him. Notifying Sirius would also be unnecessary until Harry is up for visitors. So please explain to me how the accident occurred and yes, it was an accident," Dumbledore said in a stern tone.

Severus had been trying his best not to lose his temper and keep his obvious anxiety a bit more guarded, but Albus' comment of 'immediate danger' pushed him over the edge.

"My carelessness caused the _accident_," he snarled. "The boy should be under the care of someone more fit to watch a teenager."

He wanted to continue shouting at the Headmaster but managed to clamp his jaw shut. He actually wanted to just sink to the floor and cry, but tears were simply something Severus did not indulge in. He'd been trying to deny, even to himself, how much he had started to care for Harry, but this situation was forcing all the feelings to the surface and he had no idea what to do with them.

He wanted to be in there taking care of the boy, but he didn't know if he deserved it. Even Black probably wouldn't have let something like this happen. _ He had left a poisonous root just lying around the lab unlabeled. _

"Severus, why was Harry brewing alone?" Dumbledore asked, his blue eyes piercing Severus until the potion master had to look away.

It took a few moments of silence before Severus finally answered. "He believes I'm displeased with him and was trying to get back into my good graces by brewing potions for me."

"Ahh," Dumbledore hummed thoughtfully while tapping a long finger to his lips. His tone sounding as though all the puzzle pieces finally made sense and Severus snapped his eyes back to glare at the older wizard. He hated the way his mentor implied that he could always read Severus' emotions. Although, truth be told, he probably could.

"Enough!" Severus snarled after another bout of silence had stretched on. "So, not only did I drive him to the lab in the first place, but I also left out an unlabeled ingredient! A very poisonous ingredient! I'm not only an incompetent guardian, but also a brewer unworthy of the title of Potion Master!"

Severus swung away from the Headmaster, breathing heavily and trying to reign in his temper. He hadn't intended to rant in self pity, but Albus Dumbledore always knew how to bring out the worst in him. He paced a few steps away and gazed down the long hallway and out the window at the end. The bright sunlight sparkling in was such a contrast to Severus' mood that he would have much preferred to see it pouring.

He could feel more than hear the Headmaster approaching and let his eyes fall shut trying to gain some sort of clarity.

"Severus, don't allow jealousy and the idea of unworthiness to cloud your judgment and hinder your ability to see what is right in front of you," Dumbledore said softly.

"The boy doesn't need me," Severus answered in defeat, finally admitting the heart of the matter.

"You and I both know that isn't true, but even more important is what he wants, and Harry's actions today go a long way in illustrating that."

Severus didn't know how to respond. Yes, he had thought of that earlier. Why would the boy go to such lengths to rectify their relationship? Could it possibly mean what Severus hoped? He swallowed around the lump forming in his throat as Dumbledore began speaking again.

"He's only a child and one who has been hurt far too many times, something you can easily relate to," he said, coming up to stand next to Severus and staring out the window as well. "This is your chance, Severus, your chance to get it all back and so much more. But you will need to make the next step."

Severus stayed silent, unable to come up with any sort of reply.

"Or, at the very least, do not abandon that child when you are one of the few people he has come to trust so deeply," Dumbledore added after a moment.

Severus wanted so badly to seize the headmaster's first suggestion, but he knew for certain he had to agree to the second at the very least. He gave a swift sharp nod of acknowledgement and felt some of the tension clouding his brain slowly ease away. He had made this promise once before during the summer and he let it slip. This time he would make good on it and support Harry through everything he needed, no matter what it would cost him in the end.

"Thank you for coming so quickly, Albus," Severus said as he made his way to Harry's room.

"Call on me for anything," the headmaster replied. "Oh, and Severus, there really is no need to notify Sirius, yet. Allow Harry to make that decision once he wakes."

Severus had paused at the boy's door and turned to give Albus a quick nod of agreement. Harry needed his full attention and time to rest. The obvious fight that would ensue with Sirius Black was not necessary at the moment. Only the ill child inside this room mattered and with that thought in mind Severus crossed the threshold.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Thanks for being so patient everyone! My readers and reviewers are the best!

-Mara


	38. Ch 38 Now Rest

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** AHHHHHH! I'm so sorry. I won't give you all a million excuses, although I have them, haha. Accept this Christmas present as my apology for taking so long. And thank you all for the amazing reviews. I'm exhausted after juggling two jobs and don't feel motivated to write and then I check my email and have a wonderful review that changes my mind.

Extra special thanks to my amazing betas, Jess and Stacy, for finding the time to check this chapter right before Christmas so I could post today. And thanks also to my German translator, Ulli.

_From Before…_

_Severus had paused at the boy's door and turned to give Albus a quick nod of agreement. Harry needed his full attention and time to rest. The obvious fight that would ensue with Sirius Black was not necessary at the moment. Only the ill child inside this room mattered and with that thought in mind Severus crossed the threshold. _

**Ch. 38 – Now Rest**

The pain was evident in every move the potion master made. Albus could see the panic and concern flashing in the stormy dark eyes and the slightest trembling of rage in the man's rigid posture.

As much as Albus hated to see Harry in even more pain than he had already suffered through, it couldn't have presented a better opportunity for Severus to realize how foolish he had been acting as of late. Anyone here now could see how much he had grown to love the boy, although it would take Severus a very long time to ever admit it. True, Harry had his godfather, but it was equally obvious that Severus had become the first stable father figure the boy had ever had, although it would probably take Harry a long time to admit that too. Though Albus surmised Harry was coming around to his realization much quicker, if his actions today were anything to go by.

Albus had always thought the two would benefit from a relationship of some kind, hoping Severus could be a mentor to Harry, sharing his vast knowledge and exceptional magical gifts. Now it was more obvious than ever that Severus and Harry _needed_ each other and the relationship had developed into much more, resembling the care and respect of a father and son.

He only hoped that Severus wouldn't continue to be so stubborn and guarded. If anything, he needed Harry's presence to lighten up his life.

It was with that thought in mind that he decided to manipulate the situation ever so slightly. He had failed Harry too severely by choosing to leave him with the Dursleys and would not allow the chance at this relationship to slip away.

It may not have been fair to wait to notify Sirius, but Harry and Severus needed this chance. And truth be told, Sirius wasn't the most stable person at the moment and didn't need the added worry. The tension between Sirius and Severus would only complicate matters when Harry needed attention and time to recover. In a couple days Harry would be awake and fairing much better and then they could notify Sirius, Albus told himself. And he had no doubt that Severus' self-deprecating streak would ensure he gave Harry the option to call for his godfather.

-SS-

Severus stepped back into Harry's room with his icy composure firmly back in place. He had a plan now and it was easier to push his worry aside to carry out his tasks. Of course the plan wasn't very well formulated, and he really had no idea how far he would go in terms of everything Albus had suggested, but still, he had a plan. He had to heal Harry.

He could see by the empty vials that Madame Pomfrey had administered a few more potions while he had been gone, including an intensive sleeping draught with a pain reliever. A surge of guilt shot through him. He was a Potions Master and hadn't even remained to help Poppy or see if there were any other potions she was in need of.

At the current moment, the Mediwitch was scratching out notes on a clip board, but she glanced up as he approached. She gave him a look of trepidation, unsure of his state of sanity, no doubt. He gave her a small nod before darting his eyes to rake over Harry's body, suddenly realizing the boy was still fully clothed.

As if reading his mind, Poppy spoke up. "I would have transfigured a set of hospital pajamas, but I assumed he has his own here and would be more comfortable in them. I was just about to try summoning a set, but perhaps you could do that for me while I finish his chart," she requested.

"Of course," he answered quietly.

He turned towards the bed and silently summoned one of the new pairs of pajamas he had purchased for Harry, wanting the boy to be as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. A drawer of the bureau opened and the neatly folded set came floating over to rest on the corner of the bed.

Severus carefully pulled Harry's trainers off and tucked them under the bed before a quick spell had the pile of pajamas replaced with the clothes Harry had been wearing. With another flick of his wand, they disappeared off to the laundry and he gently wrestled the covers out from under Harry and then up and over him. Poppy had already removed the boy's glasses and Severus could finally see that he was breathing normally. His skin still didn't have a healthy glow, but Severus would make sure the next few days went as smoothly and painlessly as possible for him until the child's health was completely restored.

Pulling the duvet up to Harry's chin, he let his hand brush some of the boy's fringe away from his forehead. He'd have to see to it that the child received a haircut before school resumed. He smoothed the blankets one last time in a subtle attempt to squeeze Harry's shoulder underneath. He had this strange urge to have some type of physical contact with the child to ensure he really was alright, but he squashed it down before giving his attention back over to Poppy.

The mediwitch began going over all of Harry's injuries and the potion regimen he would need and Severus filed them into his memory, being painstakingly thorough with every minute detail. Of course he would also have Harry's chart, but Severus didn't want to overlook even the tiniest thing.

"As the ingredient in question is naturally poisonous and some did enter his bloodstream through the fumes, even with the antidote you administered his body will run a mild fever to fight off the toxins. Don't be alarmed unless it runs over forty degrees," Madame Pomfrey dictated while pointing at the list of ailments on Harry's chart.

Severus gave a quick nod of understanding.

"Also, with all the potions in his system and the heavy dreamless sleep-like fumes he inhaled, do not be surprised if he doesn't wake for up to 24 hours, but even then he'll need to remain in bed for a few days until he starts to regain his strength," the Mediwitch explained as Severus gave another succinct nod. He'd be right here the entire time, ensuring that Harry got all the rest he needed.

"I can stay of course, if you have other things that require your attention," she added.

Severus had been staring at Harry's medical chart in her hands, but his eyes quickly sought out those of Madame Pomfrey. "No, that won't be necessary, Poppy. Thank you for responding so quickly," he said sincerely. It was true, the mediwitch could be extremely overbearing, but she had also aided him numerous times throughout his stay at Hogwarts. And who would have ever imagined she was the one that would have retained more composure today?

She gave him a kind smile and patted his arm before gazing down at Harry. "He's a good boy. I'm glad you are finally starting to see it," she said.

Severus allowed himself a small smirk. Usually Poppy remained outside the realm of voicing any favoritism, ever the professional no matter how much she had grown to care for a student. But of course with how often Potter ended up in the infirmary it was no surprise Madame Pomfrey had taken a secret liking to him.

"If you encounter complications of any kind, don't hesitate to call me again, Severus," she said, handing him the chart. "I expect to be notified immediately if his fever spikes or he hasn't awoken in two days," she added in her harsh mediwitch tone.

After hearing his compliance she gave him one last warm smile before showing herself out.

Severus only waited a moment before giving into his urge to draw a chair close to Harry's bedside.

Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and stared intently at Harry's face. Poppy had renewed the oxygen charm and the chart ordered Severus to continue to do so every hour for the next four. He found himself staring at the rise and fall of the boy's chest and felt immensely relieved to see it occurring so evenly.

The day's events kept replaying in his head and Severus couldn't believe the overwhelming panic he had felt. And although it had diminished there was still a constant worry eating away at his stomach. He wouldn't feel comfortable until he saw Harry's eyes open.

The foreign feelings caused Severus to shift in discomfort. He could no longer deny that he enjoyed the boy's presence in his rigidly controlled life. He just hoped that Albus was right about how Harry felt in return.

"Harry, I'm so sorry," he whispered to the quiet room placing his hand over the boy's blanket-clad one.

-SS-

The first thing Harry noticed when he awoke was that he was in a tremendous amount of pain. His whole body ached and his arms and legs felt like dead weights sinking into the bed. His initial reaction was to think he was at the Dursleys, but then he realized just how soft the bed was. He was definitely covered in blankets as well, but couldn't figure out why he was still so cold. It felt like a thousand needles were pressing into his skin.

He still hadn't cracked his eyes open. Just the thought seemed like far too much effort, so he let his mind try to piece together the last few things he remembered, talking with Ron and Hermione and then brewing. All Harry remembered after that were some extremely strange dreams that he was starting to wonder if it had really been a dream at all.

It was hard to grasp onto what the dreams might have been about, but he remembered feeling extremely content, almost as if he was floating in water, or rather underwater. He concentrated a little harder and then remembered feeling as if he was being held by someone and the voice definitely belonged to Professor Snape. The thought brought a smile to his lips.

At the action Harry noticed his mouth was extremely dry and licked his lips slowly before swallowing in an attempt to alleviate the discomfort. He was caught off guard by the burning sensation that shot down his throat and he sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth which instantly caused his chest to convulse.

The coughing was horrendous, but he couldn't stop, making his head throb even harder, as if a hammer was striking the inside of his skull.

He curled up into a ball on his side as tears started to leak out of his still tightly shut eyes. He attempted to suck in some breaths of air through all the coughing, but was sure he was going to choke when strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him up against something into a semi-sitting position.

"Harry," he felt more than heard the rumbling from behind him. "Swallow the potion. It will help."

Almost instantly the glass vial was against his lips and somehow the professor managed to tip it down his throat in between coughs.

Harry had never taken a potion quite like this one and couldn't believe how instantaneous its effects were. It felt like ice running down his throat and Harry thought he had never experienced anything that blissful. Both the fiery burning and the terrible itch making him cough were washed away and replaced with a beautiful numbness.

With that ailment soothed Harry could better realize how much his head hurt and how exhausted he was. He knew he wouldn't be able to even sit up on his own, but did finally manage to crack his eyes open. It was then that he realized he was reclining against Snape's body with the man's one arm still wrapped around him from hoisting him up earlier. Even if he was only being half held, it was extremely comforting.

Snape placed his palm against Harry's forehead and the teen couldn't stop himself from letting out a soft sigh. He imagined the man was only checking for a temperature, but the cool skin felt so soothing against his feverish brow.

The professor's palm quickly left his forehead and returned with another vial of potion. "Harry this is a fever reducer and general pain reliever," Snape said softly.

Harry was extremely grateful for the quiet tone as he didn't think his head would be able to take any loud noises. He stared at the hand hovering in front of his face and finally managed to mumble an inarticulate noise of understanding. He attempted to lift his own arm to grab the vial, but Snape wouldn't allow it. Instead the professor just went ahead and placed the vial against his lips before tipping it back.

"How do you feel?" Snape asked after setting down the empty vial.

Harry had let his eyes fall shut again and his mind had wandered into a drug induced haze, but he smiled softly at the question. Obviously he didn't feel very good, and yet somehow he did. Just being cared for like this made him feel instantly better.

"Aside from the fever reducer to help bring it down slightly, there is little I can do as it runs its course. Also, your throat will take some time to heal, but if the pain returns we can administer another potion for that as well," the professor continued to explain.

Harry tried to pay attention to everything the man said, but he was far more preoccupied with the fact that Snape hadn't let go of his hold on him yet. It was silly, but when he was younger he had always dreamed of having someone to hold him like this when he was sick. Aunt Petunia always fawned over Dudley when he had even the slightest cold and would envelope him in a hug until he fell asleep when he ran a fever, but Harry never received that type of treatment.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Snape started to move him. The loss of contact was disappointing, but he was in no physical condition to try and object, instead he let Snape maneuver him as the man saw fit.

"Harry?" Snape questioned. The teen was almost certain there was a hint of worry in the professor's usually smooth voice and it brought back a strange memory from the dreams Harry had.

He had been lying in the man's arms looking up into the dark eyes. Harry was used to seeing those eyes stone cold or stormy in anger or fury, but he wasn't used to seeing them filled with worry and panic rushing around like a vicious storm.

Harry let go of his grasp on the strange memory as he felt himself being lowered to the pillows and opened his eyes at the feel of Snape stroking some hair off his forehead. Apparently Snape had asked him a question, but Harry had no clue what it was.

"Huh?" he mumbled.

"How are you feeling?" Snape said slowly, piercing Harry with his sharp gaze.

"I'm fine," Harry mouthed, surprised to realize no sound came out. He tried to repeat the words a second time, but he still seemed to have no luck.

In the next minute Snape was helping him sit up again and holding a cool glass of water to his lips. He hadn't realized how thirsty he was until he had started drinking. Snape allowed him to have his fill but controlled the pace, making sure he didn't down the glass too quickly.

"Better?" Snape asked after laying him back down again.

"Better," Harry confirmed in a hoarse whisper. It was an improvement from no sound at all, but still his voice seemed to be extremely impaired.

Harry struggled to keep his eyes open, but was having a hard time.

"It's alright. Go back to sleep," Snape said, his voice lulling Harry into just that, but the man's next words had his eyes popping open in fear. "Would you like me to get your godfather?"

"Are you leaving?" Harry croaked out, quickly reaching out with one hand and latching onto Snape's wrist. His panic over the man leaving overrode any embarrassment at the action. It wasn't until then that he realized the man was still sitting partially on his bed, but even then he refused to let go of Snape's arm.

"I have no intention to," Snape responded.

Harry was so relieved to hear those words. A smile spread across his face as he started to shut his eyes.

"I will call for your godfather, however, if you would like," Snape said.

Harry looked up at the man to see that he was extremely serious in his offer. He hadn't really even thought about wanting Sirius there and he felt guilty for a second, but it couldn't be helped. His first thoughts had gone to Snape and the comfort the man gave him by just sitting by his side.

He was silent for a moment as he gave the idea some real thought. He knew Sirius cared, but he didn't want to worry his godfather when the man obviously had so many other things weighing on his mind. More importantly, he didn't want to scare Snape away. He _needed _Snape.

"No," he finally mouthed.

"Are you certain, Harry?" Snape asked immediately.

Harry nodded his head before nervously whispering, "You promise you won't leave?" He knew he probably sounded extremely childish, but he didn't care.

"I am not going anywhere," Snape answered immediately, his features much softer than normal.

Harry had just started to relax as he felt the professor slipping his arm out of his grasp. He knew the physical contact wouldn't last. No one really wanted to take care of him when he was sick and even if Snape felt obligated to, he wouldn't want to hold his hand or something else ridiculous like that. Even so, it had been extremely nice while it lasted and Harry was shocked by the ache in his chest at the loss of that contact.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and thus was extremely surprised to feel Snape's large hand gather up his own. In another instant he felt a cool flannel being laid across his forehead. The whole experience was overwhelming and his emotions felt so on edge. A tear leaked out of his eye not because he was upset, but because he never thought he would ever experience someone caring for him in this manner.

"Are you in pain? Where does it hurt?" Snape asked sharply as the grip on Harry's hand tightened.

The alarm in the man's voice caused Harry's eyes to snap open and he quickly shook his head in the negative even as he squeezed the professor's hand in return.

Harry didn't know if Snape even realized he was doing it, but he could feel the man's thumb softly running over the back of his hand. The gesture seemed - _dare he even think it?_ – so loving.

He curled onto his side facing the professor and kept a strong hold on the man's hand as he fell back to sleep.

-SS-

Severus thought the majority of the panic was over and that he would be immensely relieved when he first saw Harry wake up. He had not prepared himself at all for the tossing and turning and moaning of pain the child would display before he ever even opened his eyes. Severus had been on the edge of calling Poppy too many times to count.

Then as if those hours hadn't been torture enough, Harry finally awoke with a spectacular coughing fit, in which it sounded as though the boy were going to lose a lung. A few potions seemed to relieve most of his ailments, but then again, Severus had learned a lot about Harry over the past summer, and the boy had a strong pain tolerance. Perhaps it wasn't that his tolerance was high, but rather, he was extremely good at hiding his pain from others. This thought worried Severus and he had been studying the boy's features for any hint of hidden pain.

When he had first laid Harry back down, the child seemed content for the moment. His face was soft and his brow would only furrow slightly when Severus had asked him questions. Obviously between the fever and potions it was hard for him to concentrate.

Panic seemed to flare in the child when the boy thought he might leave, but physical pain didn't appear to be evident. He was almost convinced he had temporarily eased both the boy's anxiety and pain when Harry squeezed his eyes shut and a small tear escaped.

When Harry curled in to face the chair Severus had drew close and tightened his grip on Severus' hand as if his life depended on it, the potion master finally realized the boy just desperately needed some physical contact. With Harry this sick, Severus didn't have the heart not to oblige, and truthfully, he needed the contact just as much as Harry did.

-SS-

When Harry next awoke he wasn't in as much pain as before, but he still felt awful and now he was hot and sweaty. His body certainly wasn't as exhausted, not that he was planning on getting out of bed anytime in the next year, but his mind was a little clearer. Bits and pieces of the strange dreams came back to him much clearer and he was now certain that the memory of lying in Snape's arms was very real.

On second thought, Harry realized he needed to get out of bed immediately. He needed to use the loo and he needed to use it now. It probably hadn't been a good idea to drink that entire glass of water before.

He had no idea how long he had been asleep, but when he opened his eyes he found himself and Snape to be in the same positions he remembered when he last closed them. The blurry professor was sitting in a chair only inches from his bed and was engrossed in a book resting on his lap. His left hand still engulfed Harry's and the grip hadn't seemed to lessen even if Harry's had become more slack in sleep.

Harry momentarily forgot about his little problem and simply smiled, staring at the professor's larger hand over his own. Was this what it felt like to have a parent who cared about you? He knew Mrs. Weasley and even Mr. Weasley would do this for any one of their kids if they were ill and although he had little interaction with any other families, he was quite certain Hermione's parents would do the same.

That strange ache in his chest returned as Harry finally realized everything he had truly been missing out on his entire life. It had been one thing to just imagine what it would be like to have his own parents, just someone to call his own, who cared about him and loved him without reservations. But now that Harry was experiencing it, he didn't know if he could ever deal with the loss of it. Never having something was definitely easier to cope with than having something ripped away from you.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he realized he _really_ had to go. He tugged gently on Snape's hand and the professor snapped his head up so quickly Harry would have laughed if he wasn't so worried about controlling his bladder.

Harry could feel the dark eyes searching his face to figure out if something was wrong.

"I need to," Harry started to explain, before realizing his voice, once again, was not working. He paused and tried to clear his throat a little before continuing. "I need to use the loo," he rasped out, trying to slowly pull himself up into more of a sitting position. The movement made him realize he was more than just a little sweaty, he was drenched. The pain in his throat was also returning and he would ask Snape for another potion if it had been long enough between doses, but the immediate issue was getting to the loo.

Snape was out of his seat in a second and helping Harry to sit up. He was grateful the man just knew he would need some aid in walking across the room, rather than embarrassing him by asking the question specifically. It wasn't that Harry was completely incapable of standing or walking on his own, but after being in bed for who knows how long, his body didn't want to comply with his wishes at the moment.

The floor was cold when Harry's feet finally came into contact with it and he leaned heavily against Snape when he first stood and the two began their trek across the room. By the time he neared the bathroom he was walking almost completely on his own, but Snape kept a guiding hand on his elbow.

Harry mumbled a "thanks" before entering the bathroom. After taking care of his bodily needs and washing his hands, he gazed in the mirror for a minute to stare at his reflection. He looked as tired as he felt, with his eyes sunk in and his skin a sickly hue. He leaned heavily against the sink and took a moment to splash some water on his face. He felt grimy and dirty, but he certainly wasn't up for a shower yet, so lightly washing his face would have to do. He really wanted to change into a clean pair of pajamas though.

When he opened the door of the bathroom he found Snape waiting with a pile of folded clothes. Without his glasses it took Harry a moment to realize they were exactly what he had been hoping for.

"A freshening charm will only go so far, but I assure you, it will feel better," Snape said, with his wand in hand.

Harry gave him a quick nod and almost instantly felt the coolness wash over him. Snape was right, it would never be a substitute for a thorough shower, but once he changed into a clean set of pajamas he would feel tremendously better.

The professor handed over the set and Harry once again retreated into the bathroom.

When he emerged the second time he could see Snape changing his bedding with quick flicks of his wand. It was amazing how the man thought of every little detail to make Harry as comfortable as possible.

He padded quietly across the room and it wasn't until he rounded the foot of the bed that Snape noticed him. He pushed the covers back and nodded for Harry to get back into bed.

"Do not lie down yet. There are a few potions you need to take," Snape instructed.

Harry sank onto the bed and pulled his feet up under the blankets, but did as instructed and remained upright. The fresh sheets felt so good against his feet and hands, Harry closed his eyes for a moment just enjoying it. He didn't really feel as though he could go back to sleep, yet his head was tired and his eyes felt better being closed.

He was startled when Snape placed a cool hand against his forehead and whispered a short Latin incantation.

Harry opened his eyes to see red numbers floating in the air next to Snape's wand and they were slowly climbing. With a beep the numbers came to a stop at thirty-eight.

The potion master withdrew his hand and plucked a vial off the bedside table to hold out to Harry.

"This is a fever reducer," he said, inclining his head toward the potion as Harry took it and swallowed it. "How does your throat feel?" he asked as he took back the empty vial.

Harry shrugged his shoulders in the usual way he responded to any question about an ailment, but seeing Snape's mouth thin into a tight line and his glare harden had him answering more honestly.

"It hurts when I swallow," he managed to rasp out in a half whisper. He wondered when his voice would return and as if in answer to that silent question, Snape spoke up again as he held out another potion.

"It may be a week or more before your throat has healed."

Harry drank the potion and reveled in the feeling of the cool liquid sinking down his throat, bringing that beautiful numbness back. He handed the empty vial back to Snape and after getting a nod from the man he slowly eased down into the comfort of the fresh bed linens.

He was wondering what exactly happened for him to find himself this ill, but was almost afraid to ask, knowing it had something to do with the potion lab. But once again, as if knowing what was on Harry's mind, Snape started explaining.

"While attempting to brew a standard Dreamless Sleep, you mistakenly used-"

"Sir, let me explain," Harry croaked out quickly. He needed the professor to know his motive and that he wasn't purposely being disobedient. "I didn't-"

"Shh!" Snape hissed sharply, silencing Harry quickly as though he didn't want to hear any excuses.

Harry couldn't stop his face from falling at the idea that the man was still angry from before and this just made things worse instead of better.

-SS-

"You should be speaking as little as possible and now is not the time for your explanations," Severus ordered. He wanted to explain before the boy had a chance to continue blaming himself.

"As I was saying, you mistakenly used powdered root of phytolacca instead of powdered root of asphodel." Harry's face crumbled at this announcement and so Severus quickly pushed on. "The former is a very poisonous plant used in a few antidotes and anti-venoms I brew. I had just purchased a large replenishment for my stores and had yet to find the time to put it away properly." Severus struggled with admitting it was entirely his fault yet still making it clear that Harry was in no way responsible.

"I shouldn't have been in the lab," the boy whispered, "but I wanted to help."

"Correct Mr. Potter, you should not have been in the lab without my express permission," Severus agreed solemnly. The boy did need to learn that rules were meant to be followed. "We will deal with your disobedience when you are feeling better. For now it must be pointed out that the case of the mistaken ingredient does not rest solely on your shoulders."

He gave Harry a hard look waiting for the boy's compliance, but it never came.

"But I-"

"Harry," Severus interrupted in warning. "You should not have been in the lab, however, even trained potion masters have a difficult time discerning the difference between the powdered versions of phytolacca and asphodel. There is no way you, as a soon to be fifth year at Hogwarts, could have known the difference." He certainly didn't want Harry to stop taking responsibility for his actions, but the child had a huge problem with heaping blame upon his shoulders unnecessarily and Severus wanted to break him of that habit those stupid muggles ingrained in him.

Harry slowly gave a nod of understanding and thankfully didn't argue the point further.

"The alteration to the potion caused an extremely noxious gas that would have begun so gradually that you would not have noticed until it was too late. Breathing in the fumes caused you to pass out and the poisonous quality of the plant caused some serious damage to your respiratory tract, thus the coughing, loss of voice, and pain in your throat. Although it will take some time, the damage is reversible. The fever should diminish even quicker, as you have probably already noticed it lessening."

Harry gave another tired nod.

"However, you will remain in bed until I deem you healthy enough to leave," Severus said sharply. Surprisingly, Harry didn't look upset at the prospect of that. Severus had expected arguments to ensue in which Harry stated he was well enough to go fly his broom tomorrow or some other ridiculous idea.

"Do you think you could stomach some soup?" Severus asked, but he barely got the question out before Harry shook his head no. "Very well, sleep some more and I will expect you to eat something small this evening."

Severus had just settled himself back in his chair and grabbed his book that he would probably just pretend to read when Harry spoke up.

"Sir," he whispered. Once he saw that he had Severus' attention, he continued. "Are you still mad at me?"

Severus wasn't sure if the boy was more embarrassed or just plain sad. He knew Harry was not speaking about the potion accident, but rather the events of the day before. How could he possibly answer this without revealing much more than he was ready to?

"I was never mad at you," he settled on answering, but apparently the words were wrong because it only seemed to make the child's face fall more, something Severus decided he hated seeing.

The boy's eyes darted away and Severus hastily spoke up to draw them back. "Harry," he said, trying to explain further, but unsure of where to go.

"Hermione said you might have too much to do and I was trying to help. That's why I was brewing. I just want things to be like they were, but if you don't tell me what I did wrong I can't fix it," Harry whispered thickly.

The desperation in Harry's voice made Severus' chest constrict in pain and before he realized it, he had leaned forward and gently grabbed on to Harry's forearm. "Miss Granger is partly correct. Other tasks were weighing heavily on me and I unfairly took that frustration out on you," he said.

It was obvious the answer wasn't completely satisfying to Harry so Severus continued. "It will not happen again. You did nothing wrong and thus there is nothing to fix. I am right here and have no intention of going anywhere." That finally appeared to appease the child and Severus gave Harry's arm a light squeeze eliciting a glorious smile. Severus could feel his own lips twitching to return the gesture even if only on the most miniscule of levels and allowed himself to do so for a brief moment.

"Now rest," he commanded and eventually Harry did just that.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Again, my sincerest apologies for taking sooooooo long. -Mara


	39. Ch 39 I Wish It Were True

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Short and sweet: Sorry it's been so long! I love the reviews though! Oh and 13 pages to ask for forgiveness. :)

Thanks Jess, Stacy, and Ulli!

_From Before…_

"_It will not happen again. You did nothing wrong and thus there is nothing to fix. I am right here and have no intention of going anywhere." That finally appeared to appease the child and Severus gave Harry's arm a light squeeze eliciting a glorious smile. Severus could feel his own lips twitching to return the gesture even if only on the most miniscule of levels and allowed himself to do so for a brief moment. _

"_Now rest," he commanded and eventually Harry did just that. _

**Ch. 39 – I Wish It Were True**

Harry drifted in and out of consciousness for a few hours, but was finally unable to sleep any longer. His mind wandered back over the previous day and how Ron and Hermione had gotten everything out of him. Snape had been pushing him to tell someone, and although Harry thought he had been indicating Sirius rather than his friends, he was still curious to see how the professor would react to this new information. Harry couldn't help but hope the man would be proud of him.

When he turned his head toward the professor, the man was drinking a cool glass of water while skimming through a journal. Harry's eyes were instantly glued to the glass with beads of perspiration on the outside. As he watched Snape set it down on his night stand he realized he was extremely thirsty.

"Would you like some water?"

Harry was startled by the silky words laced with humor. He had no idea the man had been watching him, but apparently his eyes had been too busy following the path of the cup. It looked so refreshing.

He nodded his head quickly and pulled himself into a sitting position, grabbing his glasses as Snape poured him his own glass and handed it to him. He drank nearly all of it, but rather than put it back, he decided he liked the smooth coolness between his hands while he readied himself for this next conversation. It wasn't as though he were that nervous. Conversations like this were becoming much easier with Snape, but he still liked having something in his hands to distract him.

"Ron and Hermione know," he said hoarsely, staring at the liquid rippling in his glass before glancing sideways at Snape to see his reaction. If the professor was confused by the statement, he didn't show it aside from taking an extra second to respond.

"How did this come about exactly?" Snape asked, but there was a pleased hint to his voice.

"Um, yesterday," Harry guessed, unsure of the timeline of things and how long he had been asleep. Snape gave a small nod and he continued. "I went to ask for their advice and well, it just sort of came out. They know everything."

There was a long agonizing pause in which Harry didn't know if Snape was waiting for him to continue, but he really didn't want to say anything else. _Ron was comparing you to Vernon and I flipped out_. That was not something he planned on sharing with Snape.

"Good," Snape said in an extremely serious tone.

Harry quickly snapped his eyes up to his professor's face. He was quite unfamiliar with having this particular look directed at him, but he knew it well, seeing other parents bestow it upon their own children.

_Snape's proud of me._

With that knowledge a small hesitant smile spread across his face. "Well, Ron sort of dragged it out of me. I didn't want to tell them," he amended, not wanting to wrongfully take credit for anything no matter how wonderful Snape's approval felt.

"I certainly doubt he elicited every detail out of you. Perhaps the opening sentence yes, but not the rest," Snape countered.

Harry found himself nodding, still amazed at how Snape's eyes shone in approval.

"And how does it feel? As horrible as you had anticipated?" Snape asked with a knowing smirk.

Harry let out a small laugh, although with his hoarse voice it was barely audible. "No," he said, shaking his head. "Not _as_ horrible," he added sarcastically, watching as one of Snape's eyebrows rose in a mock glare. Harry was getting better at reading the professor and liked when they joked back and forth like this.

"I mean, I still think they feel sorry for me and that's annoying, but on the whole, they took it really well," Harry continued more seriously. "They were mad I didn't tell them sooner and Ron threatened to tell his parents until I convinced them that you already took care of things. But it feels good to know I don't have to keep lying to them."

Snape nodded in understanding.

"That doesn't mean I'm ready for everyone else to know," he added quickly. "Merlin knows the pitying looks Mrs. Weasley would be throwing at me every second." He purposely avoided saying anything about Sirius because pity wasn't the only thing he feared when telling his godfather.

"And that would only serve to prove how much she cares about you," Snape said.

"I guess," Harry said, shrugging his shoulders. He still didn't want anyone's pity. That's what was so nice about Snape. The man never acted like he pitied Harry. He just kept telling him how wrong the Dursleys were and didn't mind repeating it as many times as Harry needed to hear it. He knew his friends cared and thought the same thing, but they kept giving him these sad little looks when he had been talking about the Dursleys. Snape never did that.

"And do you trust that I really have taken care of things?" Snape asked, catching Harry completely off guard.

He locked his eyes onto the professor's trying to honestly think through the question. Did he really think he would never have to go back to the Dursleys? He had said it only a minute ago as though it were true, but now, being asked straight forward, it was harder to say he had absolutely no doubts. But Snape's question didn't seem to hold any type of accusation. It was more like the man honestly wanted to know where things stood.

"I'm trying," Harry answered honestly. "But for the most part, yes."

"Good," Snape said simply. Again, his tone didn't hold any hint of disappointment and Harry let himself relax slightly back into the pillows behind him.

Silence descended on the pair as Harry went back to playing with the water condensed onto the outside of his glass until he finally got the nerve to broach another subject he had been curious about.

"Sir," he whispered tentatively while glancing over at Snape again. The man had his hands folded neatly on his lap and was still giving Harry his full attention.

"Yes."

Harry opened his mouth to voice his question, but closed it quickly unsure of how to begin. He fiddled his thumbs together where they wrapped around his glass and tried to start again.

"When I was explaining my summer, Hermione mentioned that you, umm, you patented that bruise balm you gave me before," he mumbled. He was really surprised Snape would use such an expensive balm on him, but didn't have the courage to bring that subject up so instead he stuck more to why the man would invent such a thing, although Harry definitely thought it was great that he did.

"Ms. Granger is correct," Snape said with a small nod. "I presented my findings to the Wizarding Medical Association while working on my Masters and after proving sufficient testing, was granted a patent."

"That's really impressive to get your own patent before you even have your Masters, right?" Harry asked sincerely.

"It was not very common, no," Snape agreed humbly, "but I had been working on the recipe for many years."

Harry's eyes grew a little wider. Although he had assumed Snape's father had something to do with his interest in healing balms, he had no idea the professor might have been working on it while still under his father's care. "Does that mean you were working on it while you were at Hogwarts?" Harry asked more tactfully.

Snape gave an affirmative nod. "I had a vested interest in creating something while I was still in school."

Harry figured that would be the best confirmation he would get, but Snape surprised him by continuing.

"My father was merciless and he certainly didn't worry about Child Protective Services or any other such group. Clothing could only cover up so much and I refused to return to Hogwarts year after year with another reason to be taunted."

Harry admired how blatantly honest the professor was and wished he could talk about his own experiences in such a calm manner, but every time he even thought of discussing the Dursleys his heart rate sped up.

"What about a glamour charm?" Harry asked, thinking of his own solution, the one that set off a chain reaction leading to this very place.

"A glamour charm would certainly be a quick fix, but as you know from experience, they can still be detected by some witches or wizards. Also, they simply cover up the underlying problem. I wanted a solution," Snape explained.

Harry found himself nodding his head in agreement before he realized something. "My father and Sirius. They were the ones that would have picked on you, right?" he asked, although he already knew the answer.

Snape stared at him for a long moment and Harry wasn't sure he was going to answer, but he finally did.

"I wanted no one to know about my home life, your father and godfather included," Snape said slowly. "That is not to say they would have taunted me with the knowledge had they known."

Harry could tell the man was choosing his words very carefully in an attempt to make him feel better. As much as he'd like to believe his father and godfather wouldn't do that, he knew how bitter and spiteful they acted towards Snape in that memory. He gave a small nod anyways just to drop the subject.

"Well, thank you for using that healing balm on me that day so I didn't have to tell anyone," Harry said in an awkward rush. He needed to express his gratitude, unsure if he had ever properly thanked the man before.

"You deserved to be healed, Harry," Snape said, acting as though nothing was awkward at all.

"Yeah, but you didn't need to use that one. You could have used a regular healing balm," Harry blurted out without thinking.

"Not when it was within my ability to prevent you any of the discomfort I may have experienced," Snape stated simply.

Harry was still surprised by that way of thinking. He wasn't used to adults doing everything in their power to help him or make him comfortable. It was even more of a shock that Snape would be the first adult to really illustrate such a point.

"Now, more rest," Snape said sharply, taking the glass from Harry's hands and gesturing for him to lie back down.

The teen found himself complying, but once he was ensconced in the blankets he realized he didn't think he could sleep at the moment. "But I'm not tired," he countered before realizing how childish that statement sounded and the professor probably wanted a chance to get away from his room. "I mean, I could just read or something."

Snape crossed his arms while one eyebrow rose in skepticism.

"Well, you probably have work to do," Harry spoke quickly causing his voice to sound far worse than it was.

"We could discuss the Dursleys," Snape said.

Harry sucked in a sharp breath. That was the last thing he had expected Snape to suggest.

"Why?" he finally managed to rasp out once he got his mouth working.

"To prevent just that reaction," Snape said.

Harry could feel his face heating up in embarrassment. His panic must have been so obvious, but he had been caught off guard. It was entirely different to discuss his uncle when he was preparing for it.

"Can we do the questions thing again?" he asked tentatively. As much as he disliked discussing his time with the Dursleys, the trading of questions had made it much easier that one night, giving him a small sense of control. He didn't expect Snape to agree again, but he had to try.

"If that is what you prefer," Snape responded.

-SS-

He wouldn't have suggested they approach things this way, but was glad Harry had. It gave the boy something more to focus on. He didn't want Harry to become completely desensitized, but did want some of the panic to recede. With Harry's mind busy formulating his own questions, he couldn't become completely consumed with old memories.

The boy was staring at him with nervous, wide eyes, obviously expecting Severus to start off the round.

"Were you ever ill while staying with your relatives? The flu? Pneumonia?" he asked.

Harry pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth and darted his eyes down and Severus knew a memory must have instantly came to mind. He assumed it would take a couple questions to get the full story out, but Harry surprised him.

"Whenever I was sick everyone ignored me usually. My aunt didn't even really check on me," he said, his voice growing quieter with every word. "But once…"

Severus watched the blankets rise and fall as Harry took a couple deep breaths.

"I was ten and I was too sick to get out of bed in the morning."

It almost angered Severus more to think that Harry was so used to it that he didn't say cupboard, but the professor reined in any type of reaction, knowing the story had plenty of time to get worse.

"My uncle had a bad week at work," _and then the boy made excuses for his revolting uncle_, "and was mad that I didn't have breakfast ready like usual."

Harry took another long pause, but Severus sat as patiently and calmly as possible.

"He grabbed me and… pulled me out into the hall. He was yelling about me being lazy and ungrateful. He always said that. That I was ungrateful. I tried to tell him I was sick. I remember I was so tired I could barely stand. I must have had a fever."

Harry took another deep breath and exhaled loudly, while Severus did his best to control his temper, knowing exactly what Harry was readying himself to say.

"He hit me. A lot."

The words were said so quietly and coupled with Harry's impaired voice Severus had to hold his breath to catch all of them.

"He just shoved me back in my cupboard afterwards. My aunt actually came to check on me a couple times after that until I was better."

Severus could read between all the lines, but was careful to keep his clenched fists out of Harry's line of sight. Although Vernon Dursley was the obvious abuser, Severus had an even harder time hearing about Petunia's gross negligence. It was highly unlikely that Lily's sister had decided to finally check on Harry because she suddenly grew a conscience. The more likely scenario was that she feared for the boy's life, or more correctly, feared for herself if the boy died while in her care.

The teen in question turned to stare at Severus with those brilliant emerald orbs that were so much like Lily's and he was forced to shut away all his hatred for the Dursleys until another time.

"Did you ever receive medical care? Immunizations?" Severus asked.

"I think it's my turn," Harry said, his face transforming into an amused smirk.

Severus returned it with a small nod. The conversation had flowed so easily that he hadn't even realized he had been pushing his luck with all the answers he had received thus far.

"Why didn't you ever get married?"

Severus' eyebrows shot into his hairline at the cheeky question and, judging by the full-blown grin on Harry's face, that was exactly what the little brat was going for. If only the boy knew he had one day wished to marry his mother.

"Are you sure you wish to travel down that road Mr. Potter?" Severus questioned in a dangerous tone.

Harry shook his head quickly. "No," he said with a small laugh.

Severus watched as Harry's face sobered before the teen asked, "Do you ever want to have any kids?"

It was another question Severus would have interpreted as a joke, but the boy looked extremely serious.

"Is that your question?" Severus asked to clarify.

Harry bobbed his head in the affirmative as much as was possible while lying down.

"Then the answer is no," Severus replied simply.

Harry's face fell a little. "Oh."

"You're disappointed in my answer," Severus asked in honest disbelief. He had long ago abandoned the idea of ever having children. Once Harry started school it had only renewed his bitterness over the idea and it wasn't until this summer that he had finally started to question it, but more because he felt as though he had the only child he wanted in his life.

"Well," Harry said, drawing the word out nervously. "It's just that I think you would make a good dad."

If Severus had been speaking to anyone else he would have scoffed at them, but Harry said the words with the conviction only an innocent child could have.

"Perhaps I should take your temperature again. You sound delirious," Severus deadpanned.

"I'm serious."

"That's what worries me."

Harry let out another little laugh.

"Ask another question," Severus ordered. "That certainly didn't qualify."

Harry looked shocked for a second, but didn't argue. "Where did you get this manor?" he asked quietly.

It was an interesting question for the child to ask and would work well as Severus had noticed that Harry's voice was slowly starting to fail him.

"I inherited the manor and surrounding property from my grandmother," Severus began.

"But I thought your father was a muggle."

"Yes. I inherited my parent's home, Spinner's End, from my father. This home was known as Prince Manor and belonged to my mother's family," he clarified.

Harry nodded and Severus could tell he was curious about more of the history, but too polite to ask.

"Most believe I still reside at Spinner's End and special wards are set up there to notify me of visitors and reroute my mail without it being traceable. In my line of work it is imperative to have a safe haven that as few as possible know of."

"But, wouldn't anyone who knows about your family realize you inherited this place?" Harry asked with obvious intrigue.

"My mother had a bit of a falling out with her family. They were of strict pureblood beliefs and marrying a muggle was completely unacceptable. No one would ever suspect that Eileen Prince's half-blood son would be worthy of inheriting the Prince Estate," Severus elaborated. Remembering the situation still brought a bitter taste to his mouth.

"It wasn't until after both my parents had passed and my grandfather as well, that Edelynn Prince, my grandmother, contacted me. I wanted nothing to do with her, believing that they had disowned my mother. She was nothing if not persistent, however, and eventually I agreed to meet with her."

Severus was surprised at how engrossed in the story Harry was despite his obvious fatigue. The boy's brow was furrowed as he strained to keep his eyes open. Severus decided it would be beneficial to drag his explanation out as Harry clearly wouldn't be up for another question of his own.

"Edelynn Prince lived up to her name. She was raised on pureblood theologies and believed it would be only noble to keep the family estate within the family. My only uncle had died before having any children, leaving myself as her last resort. As much as my mother had been a disgrace to the family, in Edelynn's eyes it would have been even worse to have this property sold to the highest bidder and renamed."

"So she never forgave your mum?" Harry interrupted.

"Hmm, no I do not believe so. Edelynn was a noble woman and thought it was my mother's responsibility to ask for forgiveness after her _gross error in judgment_. Not only had she married a muggle, but perhaps the worst kind of all. My father wanted nothing to do with magic."

"That's awful," Harry mumbled, obviously in reference to the unforgiving nature of Severus' grandmother.

Severus only nodded his head slightly.

"After some longwinded interrogations, Edelynn informed me of her intention to leave the estate to me. She approved of some of my Slytherin acquaintances from other noble pureblood families. My desire to deny any familial relationship to my father helped my case as well."

"But I thought you didn't want anything to do with her?" Harry asked sleepily.

"My first reaction was to refuse immediately. After a little consideration, however, I realized the property could be invaluable. The war was coming to a head and a safe-house unbeknownst to the Dark Lord would be essential if my true loyalty was ever discovered."

Harry nodded his head, but his eyes stayed closed that time.

"Edelynn died soon after that visit and just as she had promised, I received the deed to the property. I moved quickly to change the name and erect my own wards. Unfortunately for Edelynn Prince, as noble as she was, the Prince family was not affluent enough in the wizarding world to warrant investigation into the disappearance of the family property. I doubt she would have been pleased to learn I stripped the place of her family name."

Severus took a second to lean forward and pluck Harry's glasses from his face. The boy smiled and blinked his eyes. "I'm still listening," he whispered.

"I never claimed you were not," Severus answered with a well concealed chuckle. "At the first opportunity I placed almost everything into storage in rooms I felt I would rarely use. The manor was much too large to ever suit me and I felt no connection to any of the family heirlooms. Marla was overzealous in her attempt to serve me and once I adjusted to having a house elf, especially one as _overbearing_ as her, I took up her offer to help monitor Spinner's End as well."

Severus let a small, sincere smile pass across his face as he watched Harry breathing evenly, obviously content in sleep.

-SS-

Harry awoke suddenly, but wasn't sure why. He strained his eyes in the dark to search for the chair Snape had been occupying earlier, but the man wasn't there. Shouting voices started to carry into the room and cold dread seized Harry's chest.

He quickly scurried out of bed making sure to grab his wand from the nightstand. He couldn't make out what the voices were saying, but they sounded angry. There were small bursts of insane laughter that sent chills down Harry's spine and he cautiously cracked open his door. The voices of at least three men came into much better focus.

"Kill him!"

"Not yet, let's play with him first."

"Crucio!"

Harry didn't hear any screams but the muffled thumps sounded as though someone were thrashing around on the ground. None of the voices had been Snape's and Harry could only imagine the worst. The cold rock residing in his chest was now threatening to suffocate him, but he forced himself to sneak out his door.

The hallway seemed to stretch on indefinitely and a few portraits on the walls tried whispering to him as he passed. He thought vaguely that he didn't remember Snape having any portraits hanging in this hall, but he didn't pay it much attention. When he finally made it to the top of the stairs he was mortified by the sight in the entryway.

The moon lit up the foyer and shone directly onto a crumpled figure lying on the floor. The black robes were moving up and down with the man's labored breaths and the bit of black hair splayed across the floor left no room for doubt that it was Snape. There were three men, all with their wands trained on him.

Harry went to grab his own only to find it missing. He searched frantically through every pocket of his robes.

_But I know I grabbed it! Where is it?_

Fear was quickly consuming him and it brought tears to his eyes. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't leave Snape there, but he couldn't help the man without his wand either. And without making it downstairs he couldn't call for help either.

"Well, well, well," a voice said sarcastically from behind him. "What do we have here?"

Harry whipped around so fast he barely kept his balance. He was face to face with Lucius Malfoy and one swift swipe of the man's cane impacting Harry's chest had him barreling down the staircase backwards.

He wasn't sure what he hit on the way down, but he landed hard on his hip. Once his head cleared a little he realized the other Death Eaters were taunting him about not having a wand.

He tried to scramble backwards towards Snape, but ran into someone's legs. His head was suddenly yanked backwards by his hair and he found himself staring up into the face of his uncle.

The overly large man started shouting at him with small bits of spittle flying at his face, but the words didn't really register to Harry. He was trying to tell himself it wasn't real.

It couldn't be real.

But it felt so real.

"I'm sorry Harry," Snape rasped out.

Harry instantly heard the man and tried to crane his neck towards the voice but Vernon's grip on his hair only tightened. He could only see the professor out of the corner of his eye, but definitely caught Malfoy stalking across his line of vision with his wand held high.

"Avada Kedavra!" The blonde aristocrat hissed.

Harry cried out as he wrenched his body away from the grip holding him only to find the room going black. He blinked his eyes trying to bring everything back into focus and find Malfoy, but it was as if the moon had gone out.

"Harry, it's alright," a soothing voice whispered behind him as a soft glow began to relight the room.

The teen whipped his head around immediately. He would know that voice anywhere. He found himself staring into Snape's concerned face, the man crouching next to him.

Harry all but launched himself at the professor, not caring how horribly weak it would seem. For one horrifying second he had thought the professor was dead and now he would not let the man go.

-SS-

Severus cursed himself for not waking Harry earlier and giving him a dose of dreamless sleep potion. Of course with the slight fever, the boy would suffer a nightmare.

It started as some light tossing and turning and quickly transformed into a full panic. Severus had summoned up his most soothing words of comfort, or at least as soothing as Severus Snape could be, to try and stop the dream from escalating, but a calming hand on Harry's shoulder only seemed to send the boy further into his nightmare. He struggled to escape Snapes grip and moved away on the bed, sitting up. It was then that Severus thought the boy had finally awoken.

With a quick wave of his wand Severus set the lamps to a low, warm glow.

"Harry, it's all right. No one can hurt you here," he said softly.

Harry turned so that Severus could see the boy's face wet with tears. His eyes looked haunted and desolate. And then in the next instant Severus found his arms full of Harry as the boy threw himself at him.

He could feel the boy breathing heavily and feared he might hyperventilate. "Just breathe," he instructed, starting to question whether Harry was really awake.

The boy seemed to comply, but then fell into an awful coughing fit. He'd lodged his hands into Severus' robes, however, and refused to let go, leaving the potion master to fumble around behind him with one hand trying to grab the right vial.

"Harry, it's all right," he repeated, trying to get the boy's panic to recede. He finally found the cough suppressant and forced Harry's head back a little to drain it down his throat.

Severus continued to pat his back with his other free hand until the coughs died down, but then it only seemed as though Harry's breathing became erratic again. He wrapped his arms around the boy's shoulders and pulled him firmly against his chest.

"It was only a dream. Breathe, Harry. In," he said as he sucked in his own deep breath. "And out," he said on the exhale.

It took a couple minutes before Harry managed to match the professor and calm down a little, but that didn't stop the boy from mumbling incoherently.

"B-but Mal-Malfoy. How'd you get rid of him?" Harry stuttered.

"It was only a dream," Severus repeated, but Harry only shook his head in denial and clutched harder to the man's robes.

Severus moved a hand to feel Harry's forehead and wasn't surprised to find the fever seemed to have returned. Most likely the child was still trapped partially in his dream.

"What did you see happen?" Severus asked, trying to get an idea of what Harry believed occurred.

"Th-they killed you. Death Eaters," Harry said in a shaky whisper. "They were in the house. And my uncle too. I couldn't find my wand."

It stunned Severus silent for a moment, to hear he was the cause of Harry's distress. He was expecting, perhaps, a memory of the boy's time with the Dursleys. It shouldn't have surprised him that much as he had known he had been the subject of Harry's nightmares before, but the pure desperation the child was exhibiting now was enough to shatter any of Severus' resolve to remain distant from him.

"It's all right," Severus practically ordered, unsure of how to sound soothing or comforting. "They cannot get into the manor. That will never happen."

"But they were here and you… Don't die, please," Harry begged.

"I'm not going anywhere," Severus whispered harshly. He was acutely aware of Harry's small frame still trembling and the boy's hands clenching tighter onto his robes.

"You know at my trial, you said I was like a son to you? I wish it were true," Harry whispered.

Severus didn't even realize he was holding his breath. Dreaming or not, he couldn't believe those words would come from Harry's lips. He knew he shouldn't ever allow himself to get into the frame of mind of thinking he was anything remotely close to being Harry's father, but he couldn't stop the reply from slipping from his own lips.

"I as well," he whispered, tightening his grip on the boy as if that could protect him from any harm.

"Please don't go."

"I'll be right here until morning."

-SS-

Harry woke to sunlight streaming against the back of his eyelids. It seemed so bright he thought he would never be able to withstand actually opening his eyes.

But then the dream and everything afterward came rushing back to him and he couldn't stop the small groan from thinking about how ridiculous he had acted. But the fear of losing Snape had definitely been real.

Harry quickly rolled to his side to see a blurry figure in the chair.

"Snape," he tried to call out to the man, but his voice seemed to be gone once again. "Snape," he said, forcing more air through his throat.

The man startled and Harry felt bad realizing he must have woken him after a very trying night.

"Harry! No, it's me, Sirius."

-SS-

_TBC…_

I'm so sorry about the ridiculously long delay. I really love you guys and hope you'll forgive me and leave me a review. -Mara


	40. Ch 40 Uncharted Territory

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Sorry for the cliff hanger last chapter! I love the reviews though! The story has over 1500 so far and chapter 39 got 77 alone! I'm like in awe! You all really have no idea how wonderful they make me feel. :) I'm editing this chapter at the last minute so please forgive any errors.

Thanks Jess, Stacy, and Ulli!

_From Before…_

"_Snape," he tried to call out to the man, but his voice seemed to be gone once again. "Snape," he said, forcing more air through his throat. _

_The man startled and Harry felt bad realizing he must have woken him after a very trying night._

"_Harry! No, it's me, Sirius."_

**Ch. 40 – Uncharted Territory**

Severus felt as though he had just closed his eyes, when the burning pain shot up his arm. He still hadn't fully adjusted to the return of the Dark Lord and for a split second it was easy to believe he was only having a nightmare. Unfortunately, this nightmare was all too real.

It hadn't taken long for Harry to fall back to sleep completely, but even then the child refused to extricate himself from Severus' robes. At least that was the excuse Severus was using for falling asleep holding the boy. But now there was no option but to pry himself out of Harry's grip.

The boy immediately clutched the blankets and curled in on himself. Severus continued to ignore the burning pain of his dark mark, taking extra care not to wake Harry as he eased him back against the pillows.

"I'll return in one moment," he whispered brushing some of the fringe out of Harry's eyes and noticing as he did that the boy's fever seemed to have broken again.

Severus knew this summons had to be coming, but it didn't stop him from cursing the timing. He hadn't been pleased to rejoin the ranks of the Death Eaters when the Dark Lord rose again, but spying had given his life a sense of purpose. It was his penance and Severus had resigned himself to that fact long ago. But strangely, these past two months with Harry had revealed a new reason for living.

The man flew through the house with skilled silence, stopping by his own room to grab proper shoes. He transfigured his robes into the standard Death Eater attire, taking care to stow the mask away in a pocket before he made it to the floo.

He stepped out into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place with a calm grace no one would doubt aside from himself and wondered where in this godforsaken place he would find Black at two in the morning. He'd seen very little of the house other than the kitchen and first floor. He moved quickly, but quietly, taking care not to wake anyone else up. He didn't want to create an all out panic with the entire Weasley clan.

Unsurprisingly, his guess was correct and the mutt did not sleep like a normal human being, although it was like the pot calling the kettle black. The two men collided by the drawing room and he had to cast a quick silencing spell to stop the idiot from yelping in surprise.

"Black," he hissed. "Do you wish to wake the dead or just the entire house?"

"Well, what the hell are you doing here?" Black asked icily.

Severus lowered his own wand a little, hoping the fool would realize he meant no harm. "I require… your assistance," he said through gritted teeth, both for the increased pain in his forearm and the difficulty of saying such words to Sirius Black.

The animagus' features transformed into half a sneer, but there was also curiosity in his eyes. "With what?" he asked in a clipped tone.

"There was a small accident in the lab and Mr. Potter requires assistance in ensuring he takes the correct potions while I attend a meeting," Severus said, choosing his words as carefully as possible.

"What?" Black hissed. "What happened to him? What did you do?"

He advanced on Severus in two quick steps, but the potion master had anticipated the move and both quickly had their wands drawn to each other's throats.

"Just as I said. However, if you need me to find someone more competent that can be arranged. I only assumed the boy would prefer to have you, but you're wasting my time." He said the words with an air of indifference, but the truth pained him to admit it.

After a long staring contest Black reluctantly agreed. "Fine. But if this is your fault-"

Severus didn't bother to hear the rest of his statement and instead spun on his heel, heading toward the kitchen. He was close to chopping his own arm off if he didn't respond to the summons soon and he'd really rather not leave Harry alone much longer either.

He could hear Black breathing heavily in an attempt to keep up with his long, fast strides. They made it to his manor and the second floor in blessed silence, but like all good things, it wasn't meant to last.

"So what did you do to him? What's wrong with Harry?" Black finally broke the silence once they were outside Harry's room. He seemed to make no attempt to keep his voice quiet.

Severus whipped around throwing up a silencing spell as he did. "Black, so help me, if you storm in there and wake that child I will hex you back to Grimmauld Place," he hissed, momentarily forgetting he wanted to avoid allowing Black to see how overprotective he had become of Harry. He recovered quickly. "There is a strict potion regimen and any slip up could cause that boy serious harm. Hopefully your thick skull can comprehend this."

At the mention of possibly harming Harry, Black looked properly cowed and followed Severus in to Harry's room in silence.

Severus had been trying to ignore the tightness in his chest since he had left Harry alone earlier. Upon entering the room once again he had to control himself from letting out an audible sigh at seeing the boy in the same position he had left him.

He cast another silencing charm and quickly lined up a few vials on the stand next to Harry's bed.

"The first is for his throat and cough. He can take it every four hours. He had one at midnight. The second is a fever reducer. His fever seems to have broken, but if for some reason it returns, he can also have that every four hours. The third is a nutritive potion." He scrutinized Black's face the entire time, making sure the mutt understood completely.

"He needs to eat something when he wakes, anything he believes he can stomach. Give him the nutritive potion only if he refuses. Call Poppy if anything out of the ordinary arises or I have not returned by tomorrow evening."

Black was starting to look a little overwhelmed and Severus was second guessing his decision to bring him here.

"Any questions?" he asked sharply, as if he were talking to a class of third years. Black was still looking over the potions and then to Harry's sleeping form. "Do I need to get someone else?" Severus hissed, finally getting the man's attention.

"No. I got it. And I expect a damn good explanation tomorrow."

"Of course," Severus said with false politeness. He despised the idea of admitting fault to Sirius Black, but he would face the marauder with his head held high, that is if he made it through this meeting he was now extremely late for. It was already a given that he would be punished for his tardiness.

He dropped the silencing charm and gave one last quick glance to Harry praying the boy wouldn't be woken by the Dark Lord tonight. A fiercely protective part of him longed to reach out and give the child one last reassuring touch, but he exited the room without another glance, occluding his mind as best as possible.

-SS-

"Harry! No, it's me, Sirius."

Harry's whole body froze and his eyes widened although it didn't help him focus on the blurry figure any better. In the next instant he pushed himself up on one elbow and snatched his glasses off the nightstand to confirm what he was hearing.

For a moment he feared that the strange memories from last night were real and something did happen to Snape.

_No, it was only a dream, _he told himself, before letting out a soft groan, flashes of the night before popping into his head.

It seemed so silly and obvious now, but at the time he hadn't been able to escape the dream and had felt the need to latch onto his poor professor.

_OH Merlin! I told him I wished I was his son! _

Snape hadn't pushed him away in disgust and Harry even thought he might have heard the man agree with him, but that couldn't be possible. He distinctly remembered hearing the man say he wouldn't leave and that renewed Harry's worry. Snape always kept his word.

"You sound bloody awful," Sirius said, breaking Harry's chain of thought.

The man was inspecting him with sad eyes and Harry took the chance to get a closer look at his godfather, who was now leaning forward in his seat, one elbow propped up on his knee as he ran a hand through his hair. Now Harry felt like an even bigger idiot. Blurry or not, he should have instantly recognized that the man wasn't Snape, lacking the usual dark robes and long black hair.

Sirius looked quite disheveled, like he'd been living in the same shirt and jeans for a couple days. His hair was getting wilder again too and he had a scrubby five-o-clock shadow reminding Harry of the months during the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

"No. I'm fine," Harry answered in a croaky voice.

He quickly reached for his glass of water on the bedside table hoping it would help his voice return to at least a semblance of normalcy.

"You don't sound it. What the hell did Snape do?" Sirius asked, the malice in his voice indicating he had already made up his mind that the professor was to blame as he pushed himself to the edge of his chair leaning as close to Harry's bed as possible.

The man laid a gentle, warm hand on Harry's arm causing the teen to have a difficult time giving his godfather as sharp a look as he would like too. "Nothing," he said with conviction before adopting a more anxious tone to his next words. "Where is he? What happened?"

"If it was nothing why didn't someone tell me sooner?" Sirius retorted angrily, squeezing his hand. "You sound horrible!"

Harry had no idea how to handle the contradictory emotions his godfather was displaying, his voice and words not at all matching the loving and reassuring hand he had on Harry's arm. "Because I asked him not to. I didn't want you to worry when it wasn't that big of a deal."

"_Wasn't that big of a deal?_" Sirius echoed incredulously. "From the sounds of it, it most definitely IS a big deal! Just the potions list alone is crazy – shite! The potions!" Sirius jumped up to stand in front of the nightstand. "Does your throat hurt?" he asked grabbing the first vial. "He said you could have this every four hours."

Harry was surprised at how on edge his godfather seemed and certainly didn't want to add to it. "It doesn't hurt," he lied, "But it will help keep me from coughing." He reached out and took the potion, throwing it back quickly.

"What about a fever?" Sirius asked, holding out another vial. "You could have this too."

Harry shook his head. "No, I don't think I have one anymore."

"Okay, then you need-"

"Sirius, where is Professor Snape?" Harry interrupted as loudly as his voice allowed.

"You know, one of his meetings," Sirius dismissed with a wave of his hand.

"Voldemort?" Harry questioned, not paying attention to what else his godfather was saying about the last potion.

"Yeah, so?" Sirius asked uncaringly.

"Voldemort isn't the nicest guy in the world," Harry hissed in outrage. "He loves torturing people, even his own followers!"

"It's part of his job. Snape's used to it."

Harry was beyond annoyed. How could his godfather be so indifferent to someone being tortured? So what if Snape made a mistake when he was a teenager? He'd been trying to make up for it for fifteen years.

"Well I don't think it's fair. He does way more for the Order than anyone else and no one recognizes it. And you don't get used to the _Cruciatus Curse_," he said with a shiver, thinking of just this past June and the events of the graveyard.

He threw back the covers and started to get out of bed.

"You don't know what he was like in school," Sirius retorted.

"And that's no reason to wish he was tortured!" Harry tried to yell.

"I don't trust him. He joined Voldemort willingly. He's always played both sides and there is no way to be sure he isn't still," Sirius said.

"If he was working for Voldemort he would have handed me over a long time ago. It's not like he doesn't have the opportunity," Harry answered heatedly.

"Just because I trust Dumbledore's judgment, doesn't mean I have to believe that greasy bat has become a saint," Sirius retorted.

"I think he's done a lot to make up for his past mistakes," Harry said, holding his godfather's gaze.

Sirius shoulders slumped. "Harry," he said, placing a hand on the teens shoulder.

Harry just shook his head at his godfather, sick of arguing. They were never going to get anywhere. "I'm going to the loo," he said, shaking the hand away.

"I just can't trust him and I don't see how you could either after how he's treated you the past four years," Sirius said.

"Fine." Harry tried to ignore looking at Sirius as he rifled through his wardrobe for a clean set of clothes. The two men would never be able to get along and where would that leave him? It made his chest ache just thinking about it.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked curiously.

"I need to shower."

"Harry, you're still sick. You should probably stay in bed."

"I've been in bed the last two days. I feel a lot better now and I need to shower," Harry answered angrily. It was strange, normally he would do anything possible to avoid upsetting his godfather for fear of losing the man, but at the moment Harry couldn't be bothered to listen to him. It wasn't Sirius' fault that he knew nothing of Harry being sick, but it still irked him that his godfather thought he knew best. He hadn't been there helping him get better, Snape had, and Harry was fed up with all of Sirius' insults towards the professor.

He quickly fled into the bathroom and firmly shut the door behind him, leaning against it as he did. He tried to take as deep of breaths as his lungs allowed. The truth was, Sirius was right, he still was really worn out, but the off and on fever had left him feeling sticky and dirty.

He turned the shower up as hot as he thought he could tolerate it. The steam felt heavenly invading his throat and lungs and he tried to let the water soothe away his worries as he stepped under the jet, but it was an impossible task.

Harry kept replaying the events of last night through his head like a movie. The dream had felt so real at the time although now he could see all the little clues that didn't make sense, like the hallway upstairs seeming so long and filled with portraits he knew Snape didn't have in his home. It was ridiculous now to think about the events after he woke up, how he had been awake yet still dreaming. He remembered lunging at Snape and knowing he was in his bed, yet his mind definitely thought the professor had almost just been killed. Those events seemed pretty clear, but he still had a hard time believing everything he thought he heard Snape say.

But now Snape was with Voldemort and what if something really awful happened? The last time he was summoned he came back severely bleeding. Harry squeezed his eyes shut trying to will away the tightness in his chest and the panic that was encroaching on him.

And now he had Sirius to contend with. As much as he loved his godfather, it was overwhelmingly stressful knowing how much the man hated Snape and would never see anything good in him. He didn't want to have to mediate between the two men, but he couldn't sit back and let Sirius make unfounded accusations. Snape had done far too much for him over the past couple months.

"_I just don't trust him and don't see how you could either…"_

His godfather's words echoed in his head, but now Harry thought without a shadow of a doubt that he could trust Snape and should trust him more. The professor could have gotten anyone else last night. In fact, Snape could have just had Marla watch him and make sure he took the right potions in the morning. The house elf was more than capable and could even contact someone if his condition had worsened. Instead Snape sought out someone he hated in the middle of the night.

That one fact stuck in Harry's mind and he couldn't stop rolling it around, trying to look at it from every angle.

-SS-

Finally emerging from the bathroom after wasting as much time as possible, Harry hardened his resolve. He didn't want to fight with Sirius, but he refused to listen to his godfather badmouthing Snape.

"Do you feel better?" Sirius asked, jumping up from his seat when Harry opened the door.

Harry gave a confident nod of his head, still lightly scrubbing the towel against his damp hair.

A spark of anger lit up in Sirius' eyes. "Just because you don't talk isn't going to make me forget you're sick or how horrible your voice sounds," he said.

Harry let out an agitated sigh. "My voice will be back to normal in a week or so. This isn't permanent."

"How did _this_ happen exactly?" Sirius asked. His tone was even, but Harry could still recognize a bitter edge to it.

"I was brewing and used the wrong ingredient," Harry started to explain, making sure to maintain firm eye contact with his godfather the whole time. "The fumes burned my throat, but it will be back to normal in no time."

Sirius' face seemed to soften and Harry was relieved to think his godfather wasn't going to argue anymore.

"Listen. If this is Snape's fault you can tell me," he said softly, almost as if he was trying to coax a scared cat to come out of his hiding place.

"What? No!" Harry retaliated immediately. "Please tell me you did not accuse him last night?"

Sirius was trying to interrupt or possibly answer, but Harry didn't give him the chance.

"Professor Snape is extremely strict on the fact that I'm not allowed in the lab alone and I ignored that AND I used an unlabeled ingredient just because I thought I knew what it was." Harry's voice was failing him the more and more he carried on, but he wouldn't be deterred.

"I completely disregarded his rules, so, NO, this is not Snape's fault!" He wanted to curse himself for slipping up again and forgetting to use Snape's title. He wanted Sirius to see that he respected the professor, but they had become so familiar over the past two months that it was hard for Harry to not think of him as just Snape.

"Well then he's working you too hard if you felt the need to do that. It's alright to tell me," Sirius countered.

"No!" Harry answered in barely a ghost of a whisper although his face showed all his anger.

"If you honestly think Snape is that bad of a guy, tell me why he got you last night. He could have easily asked Marla to watch me or even called Madame Pomfrey, but he didn't. He went and got you. Why would he do that if he is so awful?"

"Probably because he knew I was the only one awake," Sirius answered. "Maybe he tried Madame Pomfrey first and she wasn't available."

"No! You and I both know he doesn't have a lot of time when he gets summoned. He went and got you, Sirius, because he knew if he wasn't here I would want you!" It was more than he had planned on saying, but with that acknowledgement voiced aloud, it really sunk in to Harry.

Snape had made a huge gesture on his behalf, searching out his childhood nemesis at two in the morning, just because he knew it would be what Harry wanted. There was simply no other explanation for it.

The last few days between him and Snape had been rocky, but this one gesture said it all.

"Look, I know the two of you will never be friends. I know you will never even remotely like each other. But couldn't you at least try to tolerate each other? For me?" Harry asked resignedly although had his voice been working properly it would have come out more like a desperate plea.

After a minute it seemed as though Sirius wasn't going to answer. "Just forget it," Harry said shaking his head and moving to put his dirty clothes in his hamper.

"I have a hard time believing he's doing his best by you when you've gotten hurt a lot this summer," Sirius finally spoke up a little calmer now.

Harry noted that the man looked sincerely distressed by that acknowledgement and realized his godfather was probably just worried, but had no idea how to express it.

"Can we agree to disagree then?" Harry asked. "And not argue about it?" He could feel a headache building and this line of conversation was tiring him out quickly. Maybe Sirius sensed that because he gave a small nod of his head.

"Alright, why don't you get back into bed and I'll get you some food," he said.

Harry quickly shook his head without even thinking. All he could focus on was the dirty sheets and how he finally felt clean after lying in bed for so long. It was trivial, but it had been so nice when Snape made sure he got a change of clothes yesterday and replaced the linens on the bed. He wished Sirius could see all the little things Snape had done for him over the summer, but he wasn't ready to discuss most of it.

"No. I need to get out of bed for a while. Let's go down to the kitchen." He was also anxious about Snape and didn't feel like he could sit still.

Sirius gave him a long scrutinizing look before reluctantly agreeing.

Harry grabbed a jumper and his slippers trying to imagine Snape returning from his summons without any injuries. He could hear the man's voice in his head reprimanding him for being out of bed, but _"at least you had the brains to dress yourself properly," _it said sarcastically_._

Harry led the way to the door, but before he could step out into the hall, Sirius' stopped him with a hand to his shoulder. He turned around tentatively, trying to prepare himself for another argument, but he didn't even get the chance to get a good look at his godfather's expression because he was pulled into a strong embrace.

After the initial shock most of his anger melted away. He could feel his godfather's concern and love in the tight way he wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders holding him close to his chest.

This was the first person to offer him a home and although Harry had begun to doubt if his godfather could honestly provide it, it didn't make the gesture worth less. And if Harry was being truthful with himself, he didn't really want a home with Sirius, he wanted one with Snape. But that didn't mean he wanted to lose his godfather.

He returned the embrace whole-heartedly, trying to forget about all the hostility between Snape and Sirius.

-SS-

Once they were seated in the kitchen Harry called for Marla and requested some tea and coffee along with two plates of scrambled eggs. He wasn't sure how much he could stomach, but he didn't think his throat would protest the soft consistency of the eggs.

"You thought I was Snape this morning. Why?" Sirius asked suddenly.

Harry studied his godfather's face, relieved that the man didn't seem angry. He decided to answer truthfully or almost truthfully.

"He was sitting there when I fell asleep."

Sirius held his gaze for a long time as though he were trying to figure out a really difficult equation, but just couldn't find the solution. Finally he gave a nod and went back to his food.

The two ate in silence after that. Harry poked at his food as best as possible, but his thoughts were heavy with everything that had happened recently. Things seemed to be barreling at him one right after the other. He had been so sure he was losing Snape and the strange relationship they had formed that he had desperately tried to win back the man's favor. And now after being sick, it was like Snape had done a complete one-eighty, proving he really did care about Harry. But what was even more shocking was staring across the table at Sirius. Yes, Snape had given him the option to contact Sirius earlier, but he had said no. And then, in the middle of the night, after that horrible nightmare, Snape took it upon himself to get Sirius.

In that moment Harry made a split second decision. He owed Snape more trust than he'd given thus far because he realized now, how much Snape really was looking out for his best interests.

"Sirius, I lied to you," he blurted out.

The marauder looked up from his coffee questioningly.

"Earlier," Harry added.

"I knew it!" Sirius exclaimed as if everything was falling into place. "This was Snape's fault and you were trying to cover for him."

"No, no, no," Harry jumped in shaking his head frantically. "Not about that. I meant earlier in the summer."

Sirius abruptly closed his mouth and stared at Harry in bewilderment again.

Harry tried to drag up all the courage from a few moments ago. If he was to start this conversation he had to be ready to follow through.

"When Professor Snape brought me to your house he said I hexed my cousin, but I didn't," he elaborated a little further, but Sirius only looked more confused.

"Harry, we all know you performed magic. Arthur heard the report at work."

Harry bobbed his head in agreement for a minute. "I did use magic, I just didn't hex my cousin."

Sirius let out a small nervous chuckle. "Harry if I wasn't upset that you hexed your cousin, I doubt I would be mad about anything else either."

Harry bit his lip trying to hide his nervousness. For some reason he doubted the validity of that statement would hold true when Sirius heard what really happened. A part of him secretly longed to tell Sirius everything and then have the man gather him up in a warm hug and tell him it wasn't his fault. But the majority of Harry's head warned him that his godfather would react very differently.

"Alright, so who did you hex?" Sirius asked after Harry didn't reply.

Harry shook his head without meeting his godfather's eyes. He hadn't realized how difficult this conversation would be in comparison to speaking with Snape and desperately wished he hadn't decided to eat anything before hand.

After the initial shock it had been kind of nice that Hermione and Ron knew. It was like a huge rock had been lifted off Harry's chest and he didn't have to worry about slipping up in front of them. But taking that step with another person still seemed rather daunting. He clenched his hands together under the table.

"I didn't hex anyone. I used a glamour charm… on myself." He took another step into uncharted territory. It seemed like every step this summer had been one of those. He should be used to it.

Sirius' crazy bark of laughter startled Harry and he darted his eyes up.

"A glamour charm? Really? I mean, I could see your father doing something like that to try and impress a pretty witch when we were younger, but I can't picture you doing that," he said.

Harry dipped his head again and found he could only shake his head no as his throat decided to close up.

"Well what else would you need a glamour charm for… unless-"

His godfather's sharp intake of breath had Harry's eyes squeezing shut. It pained him to do so, but he couldn't bear to look at the man's reaction. Why had he thought he could do this now? Better yet, why had Snape insisted this was a good idea?

"Unless you needed to cover something up," Sirius said quietly, almost as if he was talking to himself at this point. "Something you didn't want people to see. No. Something you didn't want Arthur to see."

Harry could hear his voice growing more bitter with each word. He should have known it wouldn't take long for the marauder to put things together.

"What was it?" Sirius asked in a deadly whisper.

Harry was trying so hard not to show how shaky his breath had become and his throat felt like it had literally sealed itself off now. Sirius was acting like the angry Snape back in his bedroom at Privet Drive when he first saw the bruises. Even then he hadn't understood Snape's response. Now he definitely had no desire to see what Sirius' would be. It was like too much emotion being focused at him and he didn't have the ability to decipher it all before it exploded.

"Harry?" Sirius' tone demanded an answer.

He cracked his eyes open and stared at the wood grain of the table. At the edge of his vision he could see that his godfather had his palms flat against the table on either side of his plate as though he were ready to spring up at any minute. He didn't need to look up to know Sirius' eyes were drilling into his head expectantly.

With a thick swallow he finally said, "It was just a bruise."

"_Just a bruise_? Like you _just have a sore throat_? Who?" Sirius snapped out sharply. "Who did it?"

His godfather's anger made Harry nervous. He didn't think Sirius would hurt him, but he also knew the man didn't necessarily think rationally when he was worked up about something. The last thing Harry wanted was his godfather running out to try and kill his uncle like he'd tried to kill Peter Pettigrew.

"It was just one bruise," Harry lied quietly earning a low growl from the man across the table. "I knew Mr. Weasley would take it the wrong way."

"_Take it the wrong way?_" Sirius echoed incredulously, throwing Harry's words back at him again. "Because someone hit you!" he roared.

Harry finally raised his head, prepared to try and cut off Sirius' tirade and tell him to forget the whole conversation, but the marauder wouldn't be interrupted.

"And if it were only your cousin you wouldn't worry about covering it up! Or an accident or anything else like that! You covered it up because someone else hit you!" Sirius continued to yell, but Harry was petrified in place, unable to look away.

"WHO, Harry? I want to know who and I want to know now, damnit!" he screamed slamming his fist onto the table.

Harry flinched at the rapid movement.

"The more reluctant you are to answer, the more I know it was your Uncle!" Harry paled at the statement and his godfather must have taken that as confirmation.

"I knew it! That bastard, I'll kill him!" he yelled, leaping out of his chair to pace the room.

Harry slunk back in his own chair out of instinct and shook his head rapidly in denial. The whole conversation had spiraled out of control so quickly and he needed to fix it or do anything to get Sirius to calm down. He wished more than anything that Snape was here because the professor would know exactly what to say.

"Sirius-"

"How often? For how long?" Sirius demanded, rounding on Harry. His face was red and his jaw looked like it was clenched so tight it must hurt.

Harry's head was screaming to flee. Usually it was natural for him to stand up and fight when a situation got tough, but this, the abuse, was always the one exception. He had learned from such an early age that it was only worse to be oppositional to his uncle and nothing good ever came from talking about the experiences… until Snape. But still, it was so ingrained that the only way out seemed to be denial.

"It was just that one time, okay? Forget I said anything," Harry tried to insist.

Sirius let out a maniacal scoff, reminding Harry of the man's stay in Azkaban. "Don't lie to me! HOW LONG?"

Harry finally lost his own control and jumped out of his seat as well. "Just forget it!" he tried to shout back. "This is why I didn't want to tell you, but Snape insisted that I should!"

If possible, Sirius's eyes became more mutinous and he was breathing even heavier. "It wasn't just this one time and I know it! I want to know how long this has been going on!"

His voice seemed more controlled, but Harry could tell the man was trying extremely hard to rein in his temper enough to say that without screaming.

Harry shook his head wishing he had never started this now. "Forget I said anything," he whispered as loudly as possible before turning toward the sink to stare out the window. Common sense told him not to turn his back on an angry man, but he couldn't watch the anger and disappointment on his godfather's face any longer.

"I can't just let this go!"

Harry tried to snuff out the pain of his headache, but thinking of ways to diffuse his godfather only made it grow stronger. In an instant his attention was ripped away when he saw Snape materialize just outside the property line.

The sudden appearance startled Harry and he didn't have time to even be relieved before the man took two staggering steps and collapsed to his hands and knees.

"Snape," Harry breathed out without realizing. "Call Madame Pomfrey," he shouted to Sirius as he streaked out of the kitchen.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Leave me some love, pretty please :) - Mara


	41. Ch 41 Hang On

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** I cannot apologize enough for how long this update has taken. Things have been quite hectic this last month or so and began with a crazy snowstorm knocking my power out for a whole week. So I was traveling to friend's places that still had power (which was hard to find) and couldn't work on this fic. Then my best friend, whom I haven't seen in over a year, visited from across the country. But I still am terribly sorry! Please forgive me! And thank you all so much for your support and reviews! I cannot believe the last chapter got 104 reviews alone. You're all so fabulous!

Thanks Jess, Stacy, and Ulli! I couldn't do it without you!

_From Before…_

"_Snape," Harry breathed out without realizing. "Call Madame Pomfrey," he shouted to Sirius as he streaked out of the kitchen. _

**Ch. 41 – Hang On**

Harry tore out of the room as if he were on fire. Breaking through the front doors, he had to pause and squeeze his eyes shut against the sunlight. He kicked off his slippers before blindly leaping down the steps and taking off through the grass in the direction he knew Snape to be. Once he hit a few shadows he chanced a glance up and reoriented himself a little.

He could see Snape straining to keep himself upright on his knees. He was leaning heavily on one arm.

Harry found himself shouting to the man without knowing what he hoped to accomplish. He wanted some sign, anything, to signal that Snape was alright, although it was quite obvious he wasn't.

Finally he skidded to a stop and dropped to his knees on the soft grass in front of the professor. He placed a cautious hand on Snape's shoulder.

"Sir, what's wrong? What happened? What do I do?" he asked frantically.

Snape put his free hand on Harry's shoulder and shifted much of his weight to the teen. He still had his head bowed enough that his hair was blocking most of Harry's view of his face, but he could hear that the professor was almost gasping for breath.

"Sir," Harry whispered. He couldn't stop the frightened shaking from entering his voice and he had to blink against the burning sensation in his eyes. "Sirius is getting help," he added more so to reassure himself. He'd never seen Snape like this. Even when he had been injured at the last Death Eater meeting, Snape had been his usual, confrontational, stubborn self.

"I need," Snape started to whisper, tilting his head up just enough for Harry to look into his dark eyes. Harry found himself frozen in fear staring into their depths.

"I need a potion," Snape managed to gasp out.

Harry madly shook his head in agreement.

"What's it called? Where is it? I'll get it."

"Help me into the house," Snape said before he closed his eyes and Harry feared they wouldn't open again.

"Sir?"

There was a strained silence and Snape didn't answer.

"Please, tell me the name. I'll go get it," Harry added. All he could hear was his own heavy breathing intermingled with the professor's.

"It's an… Anti-Ophidic Serum," Snape finally whispered without opening his eyes.

Harry felt his breath catch in his throat, panicking because he had no idea what Snape had said. "An anti…" His voice shook as it trailed off, petrified that he would fail Snape now just because he didn't remember enough about potions.

"O-phi-dic," Snape repeated a little clearer, finally opening his eyes.

Even with all that was going on, Harry found the man's eyes to be warm and reassuring, shining with a confidence in Harry that he, himself, did not feel. But the pressure of the grip on Harry's shoulder reaffirmed the urgency of the situation.

"The one labeled with an 'H'," Snape continued, saying the words slowly in an attempt to make them as clear as possible.

Harry nodded his head in understanding and remained quiet although he wanted to beg for the man to describe the potion so he knew what he was looking for.

Snape must have recognized Harry's anxiety because in the next instant he was explaining as much as possible.

"It's an opalescent pale blue-" Snape sucked in a sharp breath and the grip on Harry's shoulder tightened painfully.

"O-opalescent pale blue," Harry repeated shakily in confirmation. "Okay."

Snape returned his gaze to Harry's. "With silver flecks," he added.

Harry nodded his head again.

"The cabinet behind my desk," Snape rasped out in another breath.

"Okay, I'll be right back," Harry said quickly, but Snape's grip on his shoulder prevented him from moving.

"The password for the cabinet is specto subitus."

"Specto subitus?" Harry repeated in question.

Snape gave the smallest nod of his head and relinquished his grip on Harry's shoulder, shifting his weight back to his other arm.

"Okay I'll get it. Promise you'll be alright until I get back," Harry said as he moved to make a run back towards the house.

Even with the amount of pain the professor was obviously in, a small smirk flashed across his face.

That was enough for Harry and he tore back across the grounds towards the house. He saw Sirius rushing to meet him, but the look on his godfather's face wasn't promising.

"I couldn't find Madame Pomfrey or the Headmaster," Sirius said while shaking his head.

Harry tried not to think about what that might mean and focused instead on his own task. "I have to get a potion," he answered, barely slowing down as he passed Sirius. "You have to help him into the house."

He didn't have time to argue with his godfather and he hoped the man would realize the urgency of the situation and put aside past rivalries.

"Please," he begged desperately as one last parting shot before racing up the front steps into the house.

Harry felt as though his heart was going to beat out of his chest at any second and it was starting to become painful to breathe, but he ignored it. By the time he made it to the cabinet behind Snape's desk, he had to take a couple deep breaths before he could get the password right, but finally the lock clicked open.

Harry stared at the shelves of potions and liquor with a sense of dread. There were so many vials and some didn't even have Snape's spidery writing scrawled across them.

"Pearly pale blue," Harry started chanting to himself, frantically digging through one shelf with no luck.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn't even know how anti-ophidic was spelled, but he shook his head, trying to banish that thought as he shoved aside more vials.

He spotted some light blue potions, but disregarded them after a quick glance, noticing they were dull or translucent.

Finally on a higher shelf Harry snatched up a pale blue vial with a sense of relief.

_Draught of Peace._

"Damnit!" he cursed, letting out the shaky breath he had been holding. The vial fell to the ground without care.

He shoved aside more vials on the next shelf spotting two more pale blue potions. He was near tears and if these weren't it, he didn't think he could hold them off any longer.

He grabbed them both and realized one had gold flecks, but the other had silver. Spinning the vial around in his hand he found the label.

_Anti-Ophidic Serum – H_

Harry dropped the other one on Snape's desk and turned to run out of the room only to have to jump to the side to avoid colliding with Sirius and Snape.

Neither man was speaking as Sirius supported the majority of Snape's weight while they managed to make it to the couch.

Snape collapsed unceremoniously into the sofa and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the cushions.

Harry dropped into the seat next to him. "Sir, I have the potion," he said quickly, pulling the cork out.

The professor looked exhausted, but cracked his eyes open. He opened his mouth as though to reply, but only took a couple breaths instead. Finally he raised a hand towards the vial and Harry relinquished his grip only when he was confident Snape wasn't going to drop it.

After draining the vial, Snape let his hand fall back to his side. Harry caught the glass before it could accidentally break in the professor's hand and placed it on the coffee table.

"Poppy…" Snape whispered as his eyes fell shut.

"O-okay, we'll find her." Harry shook his head and quickly looked to Sirius, pleading silently with the man to try fire-calling her again. Sirius gave a minute nod and headed to the floo.

It felt like long, agonizing hours as Harry turned his attention back to Snape, waiting for the potion to work. Finally he had to admit it was not going to be quite the rejuvenation he was hoping for. Snape's breathing had seemed to even out a little, but the professor was making no attempt to open his eyes or speak.

"Sir?" Harry questioned with a whisper, gently touching the man's shoulder. There was no response aside from Snape's head lolling to the side. The action caused a lump to form in Harry's throat.

He turned to look to Sirius for some help, but his godfather was on the hearth kneeling into the floo.

"Sir, please wake up," Harry begged again, knowing it wasn't going to make any difference, but needing to say it anyway.

Snape looked horribly uncomfortable with his neck craned to the side and his face twisted in agony. Harry moved to grip the man's shoulders and eased him down onto the sofa so that Snape's upper half was twisted into a lying position. Then he pulled the man's boots off before pulling his feet up onto the couch as well.

The professor was at least now in a more suitable position, but Harry stood over him feeling his eyes prickling, threatening to let traitorous tears slip.

It was then that he noticed a section of the man's robes looked wet and he sucked in a sharp breath, realizing what it must be. He dropped to his knees next to the couch and frantically pulled out the buttons on Snape's outer robe until he could pull it open.

Sure enough, the shirt underneath had stains of blood that were slowly growing with every heave of the man's chest.

"Sirius!" Harry called frantically, as loud as his hoarse voice allowed.

Snape would hate him for this, but Harry saw no other course of action, and quickly set to work exposing the man's chest and trying to pull his right arm out of his sleeve. There were angry red scratches and scrapes on the man's upper body leaving patches of flayed skin with certain areas deep enough to be oozing blood.

These injuries weren't quite like the lacerations Harry had worked on healing the last time Snape came back from a Death Eater meeting, but the professor had since taught him a few other healing spells.

One of them had to work.

He aimed his wand as steadily as possible at the professor's shoulder and performed a cleaning charm followed immediately by the first healing spell that popped into his head. The skin twitched as if it wanted to leap back together, but some other force was preventing it from doing so.

He tried another one and the skin barely responded at all this time.

Harry grew frantic and hastily tried spell after spell, watching as nothing happened, until one point the skin closed only for him to stare in horror as it split back open, blood trickling anew.

"Sirius!" he shouted. "It won't stop. I don't know what to do." He grabbed some tissues from the coffee table and covered two of the more serious cuts, applying pressure.

His godfather pulled his head back from the flames and quickly made his way to Harry's side, crouching down next to him.

"Where's Madame Pomfrey?" he asked hoping with every ounce of his being that Sirius would say she would be through any minute, but his godfather only gave a sad shake of his head.

"It won't stay closed. I tried every healing spell Snape taught me, but it just reopens. What's wrong with him? What do we do?" Harry rattled off, letting the frenzied panic get away from him.

Sirius laid a hand on his shoulder and Harry tried to take a deep breath to calm down, but the action only caused a sharp pain to surge through his chest.

He watched as his godfather tried a few healing spells of his own, only to have the same results, before Sirius waved his wand over Snape's entire body and different colored lights glowed above him, some blue, some green.

Harry held his breath, wondering what it all meant.

"It's a specific curse," Sirius said finally. "A normal healing spell won't work and I don't recognize it."

Harry felt his stomach clench up. Did that mean he was going to have to watch Snape bleed on the couch while this curse killed him? The cuts weren't horrible enough to cause the man to bleed to death any time soon, but Harry had no idea what the curse was actually doing to Snape.

"Something is affecting his internal organs as well, the same curse or another, or maybe a poison. I'm not sure."

Harry didn't know if it was worse letting his imagination run wild or knowing that information. Sweat was trickling down his forehead and he awkwardly bent his head to wipe it on his sleeve all while keeping his hands firmly planted on Snape's chest.

"It's not moving that fast though. What did he take?"

Harry startled, realizing he was asked a question. "I – I don't know. He called it an anti-o – anti-ophidic serum," he explained, turning to look at his godfather. "It's on the table," he said, trying to gesture with his head.

Understanding dawned on Sirius' face almost instantaneously, but it was a grim sort of realization.

"What?" Harry demanded. "What is it?"

Sirius tilted his head up to meet Harry's gaze. "An anti-venom."

Harry's eyes widened for a moment before he spoke. "But that means he was bitten somewhere," Harry said nervously, turning back to look at Snape. "I don't see where. A snake wouldn't do this," he said gesturing to the injuries on Snape's chest.

"Not necessarily," Sirius chimed in. "It could be the curse or even some type of poison that was ingested that is causing a similar reaction."

Harry wanted to be relieved a snake hadn't attacked Snape, but it was almost more horrifying to know a curse could have the same reaction. At least Snape had taken the anti-venom, but if it were a curse, who knew what the results might be.

"What do we do?" Harry asked desperately. His godfather was staring angrily at Snape, for what reason, Harry wasn't sure.

"Sirius, please."

The animagus finally shook his head and responded. "I don't know enough healing spells. He needs Madame Pomfrey. Remus might be able to help, but I doubt it. We could try to bandage some of the deeper cuts so he doesn't lose any more blood. The potion he took should have at least stopped the venom from spreading, whether it was from a snake or a curse."

Harry found himself nodding rapidly. His godfather couldn't fix everything so they would get Remus and they would find Madame Pomfrey, even if Harry had to go back to Hogwarts himself and search the whole castle. And for right now, he would try to stop some of the bleeding the muggle way. He needed to make a plan in his head or else the dread was going to drown him.

Harry quickly summoned some bandages and set to work, but Sirius hadn't moved. Harry could feel his godfather's eyes on him and for a moment he feared Sirius was about to start up the conversation from the kitchen again, right here over Snape's injured body.

He finally gave his godfather a minute of his attention and matched his stare with a desperate look. "Remus," he said in reminder.

"Harry, we're not finished with the conver-" Sirius started to say, just as Harry had suspected.

"Sirius, please!" Harry said angrily, gesturing with his eyes to Snape's bleeding torso.

The man still held a look of stubborn conviction, but finally nodded his head a little. "I'll try to send a patronus to the Headmaster as well, but if he's at the Ministry, he won't be able to accept it."

Harry let out the breath he was holding, relieved to at least hear there was a way to attempt to reach Dumbledore. He watched Sirius start to conjure his patronus for a second before he forced his eyes back to his own task.

Although it was probably his imagination, Harry thought Snape looked even more pale than usual. His hair was greasy from sweat and hung in straggles down the sides of his face and his facial features were pinched tight as though he were in pain. The scratches and gashes across his torso looked extremely painful and the red lines created a nasty contrast against his pallid skin.

Harry's heart ached to see the man like this, but he also selfishly wanted to curse and scream at him. How could Snape keep going back to Voldemort when Harry needed him so much? Couldn't the man see what he was risking, how important he was to Harry?

Harry shook his head trying to banish the thoughts and accompanying emotions and set back to his task. He got all of the major cuts bandaged and covered and was trying to clean off some of the smeared blood so that Snape didn't look quite so awful when he was startled by a hand on his shoulder.

He snapped his head around to stare into the concerned, weary face of Remus. He never even heard the floo.

"Remus, can you do something? Sirius said it was a curse, but he doesn't know it…" Harry trailed off as Remus frowned even more.

"Harry what happened to your voice?" he asked.

The teen shook his head quickly, relieved to realize there still might be a chance that Remus would know the curse. "It's a long story, I'll tell you later," he started to explain.

"Oh, I'll tell you later," Sirius chimed in bitterly.

Harry sent his godfather a glare as Remus glanced between the two of them in confusion.

"Remus," Harry said gesturing back to Snape.

The ex-Defense professor moved quickly, rattling off a bunch of different spells Harry didn't know. When he finished his face looked grim and Harry felt his heart plummeting again.

"It's definitely a curse," Remus said more to Sirius. "It's acting like venom in his bloodstream. Did he take something?" he asked this time turning between both Harry and Sirius.

"Yes," Harry answered quickly snatching the empty vial off the coffee table and handing it to Remus as he fell into a brief coughing fit. His voice was getting worse and both adults were eyeing him critically, but Harry refused to act sick and let them send him away.

"This would explain it then," Remus finally said, gesturing to the vial in his hand. "It's definitely stopped spreading, but I have no idea if the internal damage is permanent or can be reversed. It's not a curse I'm familiar with either and the healing spells I tried didn't have any effect."

"So the internal injuries are worse than this?" Harry asked in a whisper looking at Snape's torso.

Remus nodded his head slightly. "The damage is not spreading, but his body can't function like this indefinitely and Anti-Ophidic Serums don't reverse previous damage caused by venom, they simply stop it from causing more. He needs a healer or maybe Albus would recognize the curse."

"Then we have to take him to St. Mungos," Harry said forcefully. They couldn't wait around and just hope that Dumbledore or Madame Pomfrey would finally come.

Sirius let out a huff and Remus shook his head.

"Harry, none of us could walk into St. Mungo's with Severus. It would destroy his position as a spy," Remus explained.

"I don't give a bloody damn about that! I'm not going to let him die! I'll take Polyjuice potion if I have to and I'll do it myself if you're not going to help me," Harry ranted, jumping to his feet.

"That won't be necessary Harry," Dumbledore interrupted softly as his hands fell onto Harry's shoulders and steered him over a couple steps so that the headmaster could get through.

Harry snapped his head over to stare at the Headmaster before quickly dropping it back down to look at Snape. He was so relieved to see Dumbledore, but also overwhelmed at the thought of what happened the last time he saw the Headmaster. His whole body was shaking with the adrenaline that was running through him and he dropped back down to his knees and firmly planted his hand on Snape's own, needing to feel that the professor was still there.

In the next instant the floo flared to life and Madame Pomfrey came bustling out.

"What has happened?" she asked the room as she made a beeline for the couch. Remus and Sirius stepped aside to let her through so that she was hovering right above Harry's position.

She didn't wait for an answer and Harry watched her wand instantly fly into action along with the headmaster's.

"Harry, I'm going to have to ask that you give Madame Pomfrey and me a little space to work," Dumbledore said calmly, never ceasing in his spell work.

"I don't want to leave," Harry protested meekly. He knew it would be a distraction and a source of tension for Dumbledore if he was to stay and he wanted Snape to get help, but he didn't want to leave the man either.

"Harry Potter!" Madame Pomfrey scolded loudly, stopping her spell to round on him.

The teen glanced up timidly through his fringe, feeling much more like a toddler than his fifteen years as he met the Mediwitch's eyes.

"You shouldn't even be out of bed! Perhaps it would be best if I perform a sticking charm to prevent you from traipsing about the manor and a silencing charm to top it off, because it doesn't sound as though your throat has received any chance to heal."

Harry wanted to protest that Snape's situation was more serious, but Madame Pomfrey continued before he got the chance.

"And from the looks of you, you're running a fever again." She waved her wand quickly and the Celsius indicator popped up in front of Harry's head proving just that. She clucked her tongue. "Oh believe me, Severus will not get off lightly either when he awakes. Foolish, ridiculous, spying," she continued to mutter under her breath as she glared at the Headmaster for a second.

Harry knew she was going to send him to bed, but he got sidetracked for a second, watching as Dumbledore started slowly healing some of the lacerations on Snape's chest. He was caught off guard then when Madame Pomfrey grabbed him by the arm to help him up.

"You'll need a fever reducer," she said matter-of-factly.

Harry gave one last squeeze to Snape's arm, letting himself hope that Snape would be just fine.

_He has to be just fine._

"I can get it myself. Professor Snape left some on my nightstand. I'll go lay down," Harry said compliantly, trying to stop anyone from accompanying him. Snape needed the attention right now.

He started to inch around the couch and could see out of the corner of his eye that although Madame Pomfrey had begun to turn her attention back to Professor Snape, Remus and Sirius were both eyeing him.

"I'll go with you," Sirius started to say, but Harry quickly cut him off.

"No. I can do it myself." He wiped a hand across his brow and gave Snape one last long look before darting out of the room.

Harry knew he didn't have long before Sirius followed and probably tried to start up the conversation from earlier. He didn't want to discuss it with Remus either, but Harry hoped that if the other Marauder came up too he would hold Sirius off a little.

By the time he made it to his room and the subsequent bathroom, he realized his chest was hurting a lot more than he thought every time he took a breath. He splashed some water on his warm face and ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to cool himself off a little.

A thought struck him and he quickly dashed back into his room towards the potions on his night stand. He grabbed the fever reducer and downed it in one go before looking over the other vials until he spotted the dreamless sleep. He wouldn't be foolish enough to repeat what happened last time and take it without approval first, but Sirius didn't have to know that.

Snape would scold him for wasting a perfectly good potion, but Harry could deal with that later. Right now, he had no desire to talk to Sirius about the Dursleys and he honestly didn't think his body was up for it anyway. He ran to the bathroom and poured the potion out before climbing back into bed, making sure the two empty vials were in plain sight. He needed time to think and gather his bearings and he couldn't do that with Sirius hovering over him demanding answers.

It was only a couple minutes later that Harry's prediction was confirmed and Sirius and Remus knocked on his door while calling his name. He gave a few mumbles and hums, playing the part, while they tried to get his attention before noticing the Dreamless Sleep vial.

He turned over onto his stomach and buried his head into his pillows while he prayed that Snape would be alright.

-SS-

_TBC…_

I'm so sorry it's taken so long. -Mara


	42. Ch 42 Wake Up

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Okay, so obviously, it takes me a month to update at the moment. I wish it didn't and I'm terribly sorry for the wait, but that seems to be my life at the moment. But it was my birthday last month, so as a belated present, maybe my wonderful readers can forgive me. :) Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm still writing as fast as I can and they are really inspirational!

Thanks Jess, Stacy, and Ulli! I couldn't do it without you!

Also, a reviewer requested that I announce the date, so according to my calculations, this is August 18th in Harry and Severus' world.

_From Before…_

_He turned over onto his stomach and buried his head into his pillows while he prayed that Snape would be alright. _

**Ch. 42 – Wake Up**

All the exertion from the morning had completely drained Harry's weakened body and he would have fallen asleep from exhaustion if not for the hushed voices of Sirius and Remus keeping him on edge.

He knew they would talk about him. Sirius would tell everything that he had learned from the morning.

Harry wanted to know what they secretly thought, but at the same time it twisted his stomach into knots. He wasn't prepared to hear how disappointed they were. _What if they thought he was pathetic?_ All his old fears bubbled to the surface and he strained his ears to hear what they were saying. He wished bitterly that he could take back ever mentioning anything to his godfather.

"Sirius, what happened?" Remus asked in a concerned hush.

Harry didn't have to be looking at the two men to know Remus was gesturing to him on the bed. He could also easily imagine the scowl on his godfather's face that would follow.

"He claimed it was a potion accident," Sirius snapped out. "But that greasy bat is supposed to be watching him!"

"I'm sure Severus wouldn't let Harry brew alone. It must have honestly been an accident," Remus returned evenly.

"I don't care! It never should have happened! He's always hated Harry just because of James!"

"Severus may have been a bit unfair to Harry when he first started school, but things have changed. He certainly never would purposely hurt him. Besides, you're holding onto a very similar grudge," Remus replied firmly.

Harry heard Sirius scoff before what sounded like someone pacing. He managed to discreetly move his head enough that he could make out the two figures on the other side of his room. Sure enough, his godfather was marching back and forth in an agitated manner.

Sirius shook his head before whispering dejectedly, "Remus…" He darted his eyes over to the bed and Harry quickly squeezed his own eyes shut.

After a minute of silence, Harry began to wonder if they had left. He cautiously opened his eyes to a slit to find the two men in the same place, Remus staring questioningly at Sirius, while his godfather clenched his fists with his eyes closed.

"I'm serious, this is ridiculous Padfoot. Severus has done a lot for Harry this summer and you need to let this stupid feud go. We're on the same side-"

"Not that," Sirius hissed with fury building in his voice. "Harry told me this morning that those _relatives_ of his HIT him!"

Remus looked as though the wind was knocked out of him. His mouth hung open, but no words were coming out.

"That's why Snape brought him here early. That's why he did magic outside of school! Not to hex his cousin, but to cover up some bruise!" Sirius was ranting as loudly as possible while still in a whisper and he'd resumed his enraged pacing.

Remus stuttered a few more times before taking a loud, shaky breath. "How long?" he finally managed to ask.

Sirius stopped and stared at his friend before shaking his head. "I don't know. He wouldn't say anything more," he growled, his tone implying how annoyed he was at the lack of that knowledge. "But I'm certain it's a lot longer than he'll be willing to admit."

Both men glanced over toward him again and Harry quickly shut his eyes, hoping his rapidly pounding heart wouldn't give him away. It was hard to tell what Remus thought of the news. Harry couldn't be sure whether the man was disappointed or not. As for Sirius, he was obviously frustrated with Harry for not saying more.

There was a small part of Harry that felt bad for withholding information from his godfather, but the other part of him wanted to yell at Sirius. He had no right to demand more details. Harry had lived through everything the Dursleys dished out for fourteen years and where was Sirius during that time?

_That's right, he landed himself in Azkaban because he cared more about getting revenge on Peter Pettigrew than taking care of his godson_, his mind supplied bitterly.

Remus attempted to say something more, but only managed to stutter out the beginnings of different words again.

"And Snivellus knew this whole summer!" Sirius burst out.

"Shh!" Remus whispered harshly, grasping Sirius' forearm in a tight grip.

Harry watched as Remus dragged his godfather out of the room to continue the conversation elsewhere. Once he heard the door click shut he let out a frustrated sigh. The situation kept turning from bad to worse and he felt all sense of control slipping away from him. At least if Snape were here, he could help, but the professor was seriously injured and who knew when or if he would be okay.

His frustration with everything was overwhelming and the thought of losing Snape pushed it over the edge. Harry tried to curl himself into a tight ball as his eyes burned with unshed tears. From sheer exhaustion he fell into a restless sleep with images of Remus and Sirius demanding answers plaguing his dreams.

-SS-

Harry awoke with a pounding headache, but at least the achiness that had resided in his arms and legs had seemed to ebb away. He tried his best not to make any sudden movements and cautiously peeled open his eyes to peer around his room. Some of the tension in his chest eased when he realized he was alone.

"You're such a coward," he whispered to himself. He'd faced Voldemort, a basilisk, and a dragon, and yet he was afraid to face his godfather.

He shook his head at his own thoughts and checked the time. It was just after one in the afternoon which meant he had slept for about two hours.

Slipping out of bed, Harry headed for the loo. After washing up he pulled on a clean jumper and grabbed a pain reliever off his nightstand. He wouldn't take it without consulting someone first, but the headache was starting to get on his nerves.

Finally, he grabbed his invisibility cloak and threw it over himself as he headed for the door. He eased it open and peered into the hall. There were voices coming from Snape's room directly across from his, but the hall was clear.

Harry tip-toed out and twisted the knob on his own door, easing it shut without any sound. He crept across the hall to get a better position to hear who was in Snape's room and could make out muffled voices that sounded like Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore.

After a second he also heard Marla's squeaky voice and wanted to slap himself for not even thinking of calling her earlier for help.

The voices grew rapidly in volume and Harry jumped back from the door, managing to inch down the hallway a few paces as it flew open. Both Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore came out.

"Poppy, your assistance was invaluable. I know you're very busy at the clinic," Dumbledore said.

Madame Pomfrey shook her head in dismissal to the compliment. "This is foolishness," she said, gesturing to the closed door they just came from. "He cannot go on like this. I will be back to check on him later this evening. I don't imagine he will wake for at least twelve hours."

Dumbledore nodded his head. "Marla will keep an eye on our Potion Master. As for all else, it remains Severus' decision."

Madame Pomfrey let out an infuriated harrumph and shook her head. "I'd best check on Mr. Potter while I'm here," she said, turning toward Harry's door.

"That won't be necessary, Poppy. I'll look in on him. If he took a Dreamless Sleep, he won't be awake yet. I know you must get back," Dumbledore responded, giving Harry the eerie feeling that the Headmaster knew he was standing just behind them.

Madame Pomfrey gave a quick nod. "Contact me if anything changes with either of their conditions. Both of those boys need to stay in bed," she scolded.

Had the situation not been more serious, Harry would have laughed at how much she treated Snape just like one of the students.

Finally the Mediwitch bustled down the hall and Harry found himself trying to hold his breath in so the Headmaster wouldn't notice him. He pressed himself further into the wall, but found himself staring straight at Dumbledore when the man took two steps back.

The old wizard looked contemplative and continued to stare straight ahead although he slowly moved a hand to rest on Harry's invisible shoulder.

Harry gulped audibly and awaited the lecture he was sure to receive.

"Do take care of yourself, Harry. You gave Professor Snape quite the scare the other day. I understand your desire to sit with him, but remember not to over exert yourself."

Of all the things Harry expected to hear, that was not one of them and he was left speechless. Somehow the Headmaster always seemed to know, not only what he was doing, but what he planned to do as well. And how did Dumbledore know Snape was scared by his accident? Had Snape actually told him that?

After a moment of silence Dumbledore spoke again.

"I will need your assurance that you will notify someone if you're not feeling well." The headmaster's tone was soft yet somehow firm in his request and Harry found himself nodding immediately before realizing Dumbledore probably wanted him to voice his reply.

"Yes sir."

"Very good. Now don't let Professor Snape's attitude be a deterrent. He can be a bit grumpy when he wakes on the wrong side of the bed," Dumbledore said, turning to wink in Harry's direction before he removed his hand from the boy's shoulder and strolled away down the hall.

Harry just stared at the man's retreating form in slight shock. Dumbledore seemed to know a lot about his relationship with Professor Snape and it made Harry wonder if the professor had said something or if Dumbledore had come up with these ideas on his own.

Harry quickly shook the thought away. He hadn't even asked how Snape was doing and all his anxiety over the professor's health came rushing back. Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore didn't talk like he was going to die, just that he wouldn't wake for a while. So that must mean Snape was going to be fine.

Harry made it to Snape's door and slowly turned the knob, silently entering the room. He'd never seen Snape's bedroom before and worried for only a brief moment that Snape would kill him when he found out he was in here.

But for the moment Harry only had eyes for the bed located on the opposite wall. Snape was lying unmoving amidst black sheets and he looked deathly pale. There was a strange orange glow emanating from the man's chest that seemed to be invisibly connected to a prism on the right side table. He assumed it was some type of monitor Madame Pomfrey set up and snapped his eyes back to Snape's form.

Harry's feet propelled him across the room until he was standing at the side of Snape's bed and he quickly covered the man's hand with his own. Snape's skin felt cold under Harry's own clammy palm. He stared at the sheets over Snape's chest until he was confident he could make out the slow rhythmic rise and fall.

With confirmation in his head that Snape was indeed breathing, he allowed his eyes to roam back over the man's face and shoulders. He could see the edges of a bandage sticking out of Snape's shirt and realized that Dumbledore must not have been able to completely heal the cuts. Hopefully that didn't mean it was impossible. Dumbledore had been rattling off Latin and Harry had seen some of them closing up.

He wondered if they had somehow managed to ease any pain the professor might have been feeling because Snape's jaw looked less tense. It also could have just been his conscience trying to find positive things to focus on.

It was a long time before Harry realized he couldn't stand there indefinitely. He turned and spotted a comfy antique-looking wingchair against the wall behind him and reluctantly let go of the professor's hand to go get it, quickly dragging it back over to the spot he had been standing.

He pulled off the invisibility cloak and draped it over the arm of the chair before snatching up Snape's hand again and making himself as comfortable as possible.

After he was situated Harry noticed the prism on the opposite nightstand again. He had originally thought the object had an orange glow, but now on closer inspection, he could see that it was more iridescent, shining with greens and purples from this angle. The many sides were covered with various symbols, but nothing Harry understood.

It was then that Harry finally allowed his eyes to wander and take in his surroundings. Unlike his room, which was actually like two slightly separate rooms, Snape's was more open and connected. The lights were dimmed and the curtains drawn, but Harry could tell the walls were a nice mint green. He wasn't surprised to find how comfortable the bedroom was and much like a combination of the few other rooms Snape frequented in the manor.

There were a couple deep mahogany book cases filled with worn tomes that showed the regular use they received. A wardrobe and inviting overstuffed sofa took up another wall as did a door that Harry assumed led to a bathroom. Another door next to the opposite side of the bed had long silky black curtains, which must have led to a small balcony.

As would only be natural, a desk covered in potion vials and notes sat on the wall closest to Harry along with a large fireplace. The very essence of Snape and everything Harry had learned about the man over the last two months was infused in every aspect of the room. He loved every inch of it from the comfy couch and used books, to the elegant carved wood of the bed and the rich materials of the sheets and curtains.

It was amazing how little time it had taken for Snape to become so human in Harry's view and so… _familiar. _

_This feels like home. _

His eyes began to prickle at that thought and he brought his free hand up to scrub at them furiously to rid them of any unwanted moisture.

The last few months had given him an insight into what it would be like to have a real home and he now knew exactly what he was missing. As much as he loved the Burrow and envied it desperately, it would always feel as though he were on a brief vacation there. But this, with Snape, somehow seemed permanent. Snape put his care into every aspect of Harry's life.

Here was someone who wanted to eat meals with him and discuss his school work, someone who wanted to sit with him when he was sick and who brewed a special potion for him. This was someone who seemed to care about him in every sense of the word, making sure he understood he was worthy of time and attention.

No cupboards. No being ignored or cast off, unwanted. For the first time, Harry truly felt he understood what it felt like to have a parent. He didn't want to admit it, but he felt… _loved_.

Growing up with the Dursleys had taught him one lesson; _good things always got taken away. _He had learned not to show his joy over anything that could be used to hurt him later. It was with that reason in mind that he didn't want to admit Snape made him feel loved. The minute he did, even if it was only in his head, he'd lose it all.

He had no reason to believe this could be permanent here with Snape, but he desperately wanted it to be.

He wanted it so badly it made his heart ache.

He inhaled deeply, trying to clear his mind from thoughts like that for the moment because right now he would be satisfied with having Snape wake up. He needed the man to wake up. He would give anything for it, even his dream of having a family.

He relinquished his grip on Snape's hand again to move across the room to snatch a throw blanket off the sofa before taking up his vigil once more and settling in for as long as it took.

-SS-

Remus sat nursing a stiff drink. He could think of no other solution to calm his nerves after everything Sirius had told him. And Sirius, for his part, had finally thrown himself into a chair after spending hours pacing and ranting.

"Let's go see if he's awake."

"Sirius!" Remus answered harshly. He barely looked up from the liquid swirling in his glass. "We've been over this. I know you want answers. I do too. But you can't keep pestering Harry. You're going to scare him."

"I need to talk to him, Remus," Sirius answered sadly. "I failed him and I…" His breath hitched and he had to swallow before continuing. "I just need to talk to him." He rose from his seat and stared down at Remus silently implying that he was going with or without his friend.

Remus didn't raise his head but did dart his eyes up to stare at the only other Marauder he had left. "We all failed him. I should have been there for him," he answered gravely.

The silence settled ominously over the room and finally Remus put his glass on the coffee table and rose to his feet.

"You cannot bombard him with questions. This must be very difficult for Harry. If he doesn't want to talk yet we cannot push him," Remus said firmly. "Do you understand?"

Sirius nodded but there was a glint of anger in his eye. Remus knew it wasn't aimed toward Harry or even his lack of information. He knew because he held that same anger. It was aimed directly at the Dursleys, if not for a small part aimed at himself for not seeing this sooner. But Harry wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

He readied himself for an awkward and difficult conversation, in which he would definitely need to try and control a very volatile Sirius Black.

-SS-

Remus wished he had made it to Harry's bedroom door first, but Sirius was already knocking, and thankfully, very softly. They received no answer and Sirius tried again a little bit louder.

Again, nothing.

Sirius turned and looked questioningly at Remus, who was surprised the Marauder was showing such restraint. Remus gave a small nod and Sirius quietly tried the knob and eased the door open.

Remus stepped in just behind Sirius to realize the bed was empty. The sheets were pulled up and smoothed over. It barely looked like Harry had slept there earlier.

"Where is he?" Sirius hissed, whipping his head around. Remus wanted to snap at the man to calm down, but saw the worry shining in his eyes.

"He probably just went to the kitchen to grab something to eat. And he's probably avoiding us," Remus said logically. He had another idea where Harry might be, but he wanted to check that hunch out on his own. "Or maybe he's in the library. Why don't you check downstairs and I'll check up here?"

Sirius looked suspiciously at him, but finally agreed with a small nod. "I just want to talk to him," he said desperately. "I just need to know he's alright."

"I know, but you can't expect him to want to talk about everything that happened with his relatives, especially if you lose your temper. I know it's aimed at that uncle, but you have to understand Harry is probably very used to people yelling at him and it will only remind him of one thing."

Sirius blanched drastically, looking grief-stricken. He took a deep breath exhaling slowly. "Right."

They split up then, and Remus watched Sirius hastily make his way back to the stairs, but instead of traveling to the Library himself, he turned toward the door across from Harry's. From what he'd seen earlier, Harry was obviously devoted to Severus and it would make sense that Harry would venture into the Professor's room to see how he was.

-SS-

Harry must have drifted off to sleep without realizing it because he snapped his head up at the soft words.

"Harry, how are you feeling?"

His eyes hopefully sought out Snape's face, but the man was as still and silent as ever. It was then that he realized Remus was standing at the end of the bed. He swallowed thickly, trying to wet his throat, as he turned to meet the man's gaze. Unconsciously, he tightened his grip on Snape's hand.

Remus' eyes darted to the movement, but Harry refused to remove his hand.

"I'm-" he started to say before quickly clearing his throat to get rid of the raspy quality it had taken on over the last couple days. "I'm fine," he tried again, sounding better.

"Good," Remus answered with a small, sad smile.

Harry couldn't hold the man's gaze anymore. He knew why Remus was really here, what he really wanted to talk about. He was thankful at least that Sirius hadn't barged in as well. He might not have had the courage to keep his grip on Snape's hand then, but now Harry realized even that small connection was giving him strength. He found his eyes settling on Snape's face and wishing with all his heart that the man's eyes would open.

"Harry, can we talk for a minute?" Remus asked drawing back Harry's attention.

"I know Sirius already told you. There isn't anything else to talk about," Harry replied with an angry edge to his voice he couldn't control.

"I'm not here to demand answers," Remus said, pausing as Harry let out a small snort of disbelief. "I'm not, but I do need to say a few things."

"It doesn't really matter what I say then."

"Sirius and I care about you, Harry. We're extremely upset to hear that someone hurt you. And although Sirius might have reacted a bit harshly, it is only because he cares about you and is angry that someone hurt you. Do you understand that?" Remus said quickly

Harry was a little surprised at the declaration, fully expecting some sort of demand or question again even if Remus had promised that wasn't what he was there for. "Yeah," he finally agreed, not completely believing it, but wanting to get the conversation over with.

Remus let out a sigh and Harry knew he hadn't fooled the man. Before Remus could say anything else Harry cut in.

"I know he's mad that I won't tell him anything else. I heard you two talking," Harry said firmly. Sirius may not have said those exact words but his tone of voice had given it all away.

Remus grabbed the hard straight-backed chair from Snape's desk and pulled it over so he was sitting in front of Harry, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. It was much more difficult for Harry to avoid his eyes now without completely turning his head away.

"Sirius is angry," Remus said, nodding his head. "I'm angry. But NOT at you, Harry. And it may seem as though Sirius is mad because you won't tell him everything, but that's not it. He just wants answers because he feels terrible that this was happening for so long and he couldn't help you. I feel the same way."

Harry shook his head in disagreement without thought and bitterly responded. "He wants answers so he has an excuse to go visit the Dursleys and do something stupid. Only this time he won't just get thrown in Azkaban. The Dementors won't give him a second chance this time."

"No one is going to let that happen. Sirius cherishes the people he loves and he only wants to protect you. We all do."

"He wasn't protecting me when he went after Peter Pettigrew," Harry muttered, secretly wanting Remus to hear him.

Remus let out a sad sigh as though he was extremely exhausted and hoping this topic wouldn't come up. "I imagine that is one of the greatest regrets of Sirius' life," he said quietly.

It took a second for the words to set in. Harry had been expecting Remus to defend Sirius and explain that he was only doing what he thought was best. He was not prepared to feel like he was punched in the gut. Making Sirius feel guilty had seemed like a great idea, but now that Harry was getting it, he realized he didn't like it at all.

"I'm sorry," he whispered quickly, bowing his head.

"No!" Remus snapped, making Harry jump. "You have nothing to apologize for, Harry. You are not to blame for any part of this situation," he continued in a softer tone.

Harry just wanted this whole thing to be over. He didn't want to dwell on what could have been and he wished he hadn't even opened up that line of conversation.

"It wasn't really that bad. Can we just forget about it?" Harry asked, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

Harry could feel Remus staring at him for a long time and finally met the man's eyes, determined to make him believe that last statement.

"Harry," Remus began in a slow, drawn out manner. "You don't have to talk about this with Sirius or myself, but please don't lie about it."

If not for the man's serious, sad tone, Harry would have argued with him about lying. Instead he stayed quiet.

"No adult should ever raise their hand to you, and especially not someone who is supposed to be your guardian. I can only imagine how awful it was. But like I said, you don't have to talk to either of us about it until you are ready. Alright? I hope at some point you will feel comfortable talking to us."

Harry was still doubtful that Sirius would stick to that agreement, but Remus looked and sounded so sincere. "Alright," he agreed quietly.

Remus gave a small smile and patted Harry's knee. "Why don't we head down to the kitchen and grab a quick bite to eat?"

Harry gave a nervous glance to Snape's unmoving form and opened his mouth to object, but Remus plowed on.

"Severus would be upset to find out you weren't eating and all his hard work getting you better was for nothing. You can fill me in on the potion accident and can come back up here afterwards."

"Will that thing," Harry said gesturing to the prism on the other nightstand, "alert Madame Pomfrey if he needs anything?"

"Yes," Remus nodded in reassurance.

"Is he going to be alright?" Harry finally asked in a whisper, afraid of hearing the wrong answer.

"You and I both know how perseverant Severus is. He is too strong-willed to let something like this knock him down."

Harry gave a small smile at Remus' words, feeling slightly comforted. He knew his old professor was right and he should go eat something. Snape would be alright for a half hour without him, but he was also nervous about seeing Sirius again. Their last conversation had not gone very well and even with all of Remus' assurances, Harry still doubted that Sirius would refrain from asking any questions. But he couldn't hide from his godfather forever and he was acting childish trying to do so.

"Alright," he conceded, squeezing Snape's hand before getting up.

Remus followed suit and moved to place his chair back at the desk while Harry stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared at the slow rise and fall of Snape's chest.

"Remus, is it alright if I take this pain reliever?" Harry asked suddenly, withdrawing the glass vial from his pocket. His head and his throat still hurt a little even though the last nap had helped a lot.

Gazing at it for a minute, Remus finally asked, "When was the last time you took any?"

"Sirius gave me one this morning when I first woke up."

Remus took the vial from Harry's hand and read Snape's inscription on the side before giving it back. "Yes, it should be alright. Are you in a lot of pain?" he asked in concern.

Harry shook his head quickly. "No, I just have a small headache."

Remus nodded and watched Harry drink the vial before turning to lead the way to the kitchen. He stopped suddenly and turned to face Harry without opening the bedroom door.

"Harry, I just have one question."

The teen held his breath in fear of whatever the man was going to ask next. He knew he had gotten off too easily with their conversation.

"Have you been talking to Severus about... everything?" he asked awkwardly, but Harry was thankful that Remus avoided actually saying abuse.

"Yes," he answered simply, seeing no harm in telling the truth.

"Good." Remus gave a small smile and turned to open the door, ushering Harry out in search of his godfather, who would hopefully be slightly calmer.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Long time… I know… I'm sorry…

I'd love some reviews! -MaraaHa


	43. Ch 43 To Whom It May Concern

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** I'm so sorry it has taken me so long. I wish my life at the moment would let me write faster and now that school is finishing up, it just might. All the reviews, big and small, are so encouraging. Thank you all! Thanks also for the wonderful Birthday wishes and I do promise the story will never be abandoned. Also I took the time to go through all the previous chapters and edit them a little and add scene breaks that actually stay!

Thanks Jess for beta-ing this chapter!

_From Before…_

"_Good." Remus gave a small smile and turned to open the door, ushering Harry out in search of his godfather, who would hopefully be slightly calmer. _

**Ch. 43 – To Whom It May Concern**

They made it to the bottom of the stairs before running into Sirius.

"Harry," he said in relief walking quickly across the foyer, but then stopping abruptly a few feet away as if he didn't want to get too close and startle him. "How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"Better," Harry answered, trying to give a small smile.

Sirius returned it with his own tentative one. The three of them stood in awkward silence and finally Harry spoke up.

"Have you two had dinner?" he asked, since it was after six. It would make the meal easier if everyone was eating, rather than just staring at him.

"No," Remus jumped in quickly. "We'll eat with you. What do you feel up to having?"

Harry gave a shrug looking between the two wizards. "Maybe just some soup and a sandwich."

"Sounds good," Remus responded cheerfully and with a gentle hand on Harry's shoulder, steered him toward the kitchen.

Once they were all seated at the table and fixing tea, the uncomfortable silence settled on the group again.

Harry blew softly across his cup, causing the steam to swirl as it rose off the liquid. It was his favorite tea, the calming one Professor Snape served him during the middle of the night on so many occasions. It helped steady his nerves, knowing that Sirius and Remus both had so many questions they were probably refraining from asking.

"Did you get to help Madame Pomfrey with Professor Snape?" he asked, instead of waiting for someone to throw a question at him. He kept his eyes focused on the liquid in front of him as he took careful sips.

"No, we were in the way more than being helpful," Remus answered sincerely. "Madame Pomfrey and the Headmaster had things under control."

Harry nodded his head and chanced a glance up to see that Sirius was staring at him with an unreadable expression.

"Do they know what's wrong with him?" he ventured nervously. "Is he going to be alright?" Some of the possible answers frightened him, but he had to know.

Neither man answered immediately and Harry's heart plummeted. Surely Madame Pomfrey or Dumbledore would have spoken differently if Snape's condition was more severe. Harry couldn't stop his eyes from snapping back and forth between Sirius and Remus. They both looked as though words were on the tips of their tongues, but they didn't know how to start.

"It was a combination of curses," Sirius finally said with tight lips right as Remus spoke up, "His situation is serious, but he should be alright."

The Marauders glanced at each other before Sirius plowed on. "The curse that you found the antidote for did the worst damage, but Madame Pomfrey and the Headmaster were able to reverse most of it."

"He'll need lots of rest, but if everything goes well, he won't experience any permanent complications," Remus added.

Harry could live with that answer. It was more hopeful than many other possible explanations. He didn't need the details of the different curses as long as the damage was reversible. Snape would be alright and Harry would do whatever he could to help him get there. He nodded his head finally and went back to his tea.

"So, why don't you tell me about this potion accident, Harry," Remus said, trying to carry on conversation.

Just then their food arrived and Harry was never more grateful for the timing. The tea could only serve as a distraction for so long, but now a hot bowl of steaming soup and a plate of various sandwiches were there to occupy his hands while he answered.

Harry dipped his spoon into the chicken noodle soup in front of him swirling the broth and noodles around. "I didn't ask Professor Snape for permission to use the lab so he didn't know I was down there."

"I'm sure Professor Snape wasn't pleased about that," Remus replied with a small chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.

Harry shook his head no. "Yeah, so I just mixed up two ingredients that looked very similar. I understand now why he is so strict in school. I didn't even have time to realize my mistake." He continued stirring his spoon catching noodles and dropping them back into the liquid.

"What happened?" Remus asked with concern.

The silence coming from Sirius was beginning to get unnerving. Harry didn't want to get into a shouting match again, but it felt like a bomb was just waiting to go off.

"It made some fumes that burned my throat and caused me to pass out," Harry finally answered. "Professor Snape found me. He was really mad when I woke up later. It will just take a couple days for my throat to heal completely." He tried his best to tell the truth while not making the situation sound too horrible. He was just waiting for Sirius to interject with something about it being Snape's fault.

"It was more than a sore throat. Snape had you taking a fever reducer as well," Sirius said. The lack of anger in his voice surprised Harry.

"Yeah," he answered slowly. "I had a fever at first too, but Professor Snape made sure I stayed in bed and got lots of rest. And then he got called to that meeting."

Sirius continued to stare at Harry from across the table, but Harry had no idea what his godfather was looking for. The anger from earlier seemed to be gone, or else it was just hiding under the surface. Sirius still wanted answers, that much was obvious, but the strange restraint he was showing left Harry very unsettled.

"Well, we're glad it wasn't too serious," Remus said sincerely.

Harry blushed under the warm look and nodded his head in thanks. It was obvious both men were glad he was alright and the concern was new to him, but nice.

The group continued to eat in silence for a little bit longer and Harry focused on his soup to avoid any further conversations until a frightening thought struck him.

"You didn't tell Mr. and Mrs. Weasley did you?" he blurted out looking back and forth between Remus and his godfather.

"No," Remus answered slowly, allowing Harry to let out the breath he was holding. "And we won't unless you want us to."

Harry frantically shook his head no until he realized how erratic he was behaving. He took a deep breath to calm himself down. "No, I'd rather they not know."

Remus looked over at Sirius before nodding to Harry. "Then we won't say anything."

Harry tried to go back to his meal hoping they wouldn't take that as an invitation to carry on discussing his relatives. When he realized they might have told the Weasleys he had panicked. He didn't need everyone to know. It was bad enough right now having Sirius and Remus trying to question him and looking at him like he was an injured puppy. He definitely didn't need to add Molly Weasley or the rest of her family to that as well.

"Do any of your friends know, Harry?" Remus asked softly.

Harry brought his head up to prove he wasn't as terrified of these types of conversations as he felt inside. "Just Ron and Hermione," he said evenly.

"Good," Remus answered with a smile.

Harry pushed the remainder of his soup away and put his napkin on the table. "I'm full. I'm going to go back upstairs and see how Professor Snape is."

Sirius opened his mouth as though he were going to object, but quickly closed it again without saying anything.

"Alright, we'll be down here if you need anything," Remus answered as Harry rose from the table.

Without any objections, Harry slipped out of the room.

-SS-

Severus woke slowly, trying to gain his bearings and recall his surroundings before making any sudden movements, but the drumming in his own head was so loud it was hard not to groan out loud.

In an instant the memories came flooding back. The Dark Lord had been on a rampage and Severus' tardiness was even less excusable than usual.

Someone, namely Severus and Lucius among a few other Ministry informants, should have known about the changes in Harry's trial. They were each punished in turn with some of the Dark Lord's more interesting curses.

_Harry._

Severus' stomach twisted into knots. He had promised to stay with the boy yet he left in the middle of the night. Harry would, no doubt, completely understand, as it was in his nature to believe he came second over almost anything. Then again, based on some of Harry's earlier admissions when Severus was leaving for a previous Death Eater meeting, perhaps the boy wouldn't be quite so understanding. Getting Black had seemed like the only possible way to compensate for failure to keep his word. He could only hope Harry wouldn't resent him.

The boy had certainly been concerned when he returned from the meeting, but once the adrenalin cleared and Severus recovered, Harry might realize he didn't want to go through such a struggle again. It was part of the reason Severus had wanted to avoid getting close to Harry in the first place. Now that he was however, it would be very hard to bear if Harry changed his mind now.

With all the pain shooting along his joints, it took Severus longer than he would like to admit to realize there was a heavy weight and warmth on his right hand. He'd certainly not felt something like it in a very long time. It was so foreign and yet he knew it instinctively.

Someone's hand was grasping his own and not lightly either. The grip was determined as though this person feared something might separate their hands. Judging by the fingers tucked in against his palm, Severus was quite confident he knew who the hand belonged to.

As wonderful as it felt, Severus knew it would be awkward for both of them and tried to twitch his fingers lightly to loosen the grip. The action gained him nothing. He finally cracked his eyes open a slit and was extremely relieved to realize the room was relatively dark. He had been prepared to slam them shut at the sight of any glaring light.

His headache worsened as he strained his eyes to the right to get a glimpse of Harry. The boy was curled up in an armchair appearing to be asleep and indeed, his right hand was stretched out to encase Severus'.

Severus tried twitching his fingers again and was shocked when the grip on his hand immediately tightened into a relieved squeeze. Apparently Harry was not as asleep as Severus had thought.

He turned his head slowly so he could get a better look at the boy. Harry's head was completely upright and he was staring at Severus with wide, hopeful eyes. His thumb absently brushed over the back of Severus' hand in a repetitive motion.

Severus swallowed thickly, trying to ensure his voice would work properly when he went to use it.

"Snape," Harry breathed out in shock and relief. "Sir, how are you feeling?"

"Potter," Severus answered more slowly than he would like. "What, may I ask, possessed you to enter yet another room you were forbidden access to?"

He watched Harry's face fall in disappointment and immediately regretted his harsh tone although it had worked well to cover up any scratchiness his voice may have acquired while he had been asleep.

"I – I just wanted to sit with you. I swear I haven't touched anything but this chair," he stuttered nervously before his gaze steeled a small fraction. "Besides, you sat with me while I was sick, so I should be allowed to return the favor."

Severus allowed a small smirk at the boy's fortitude, before he closed his eyes to gather his strength. He needed to use the loo and take care of a few bodily functions, but he also knew that it would take some work getting there. The last thing he wanted was for Harry to see how weak he was. It would be so much simpler to open his eyes and bark at Harry to get out, but Severus could make out those sad green orbs on the back of his eyelids. And the gentle, yet determined grip on his hand had him holding his harsh tongue.

"Harry, I am not a pleasant person to be around on the average day, wouldn't you agree?" he asked sarcastically.

"Maybe before this summer, yeah," Harry returned wryly.

"Then you should assume, under these circumstances I will be even less pleasant," Severus snapped.

Harry had the audacity to snort before responding, "That's what Dumbledore said."

Severus snapped his eyes open after having closed them in a moment of fatigue. "You spoke with the headmaster?" he asked quickly, yet hiding his panic. _How had the interaction gone?_

"No, well yeah, just for a second," Harry fumbled, trying to explain. "Before I came in here, he told me to make sure I let someone know if I wasn't feeling well."

"And…" Severus drawled.

"And what?"

"How are you feeling?" he snapped again.

"Oh, right, much better."

Severus tried to nod his head against the pillows and was quickly reminded of his undignified state and the pounding in his skull.

He immediately slipped his hand from Harry's to find his wand and began dismantling Poppy's monitoring charm. It was a complicated set of wards that he needed to extricate himself from. He muttered the counter charms under his breath, vaguely aware of Harry trying to get his attention.

"What are you doing, Sir?" Harry asked nervously.

Severus dragged himself to a sitting position using his arms to push his torso up and then slowly swung his legs over the edge of the bed. His limbs felt like dead weights and the whole process took far more energy than Severus had prepared for. He knew it was going to be a very difficult journey to the loo.

He pulled open the drawer in the bedside table and grabbed one of the pain relievers he kept handy. He popped off the stopper with shaky hands and quickly downed the potion. After setting down the empty vial Severus glanced over to see Harry was still staring at him worriedly.

"Well don't just sit there. Make yourself useful," he snapped, readying himself to rise from the bed.

Harry blinked back owlishly before the words must have set in and he scrambled out of the chair. Thank Merlin the boy made no comment scolding or otherwise. Severus already felt feeble enough.

He beckoned Harry over, pointing for the boy to stand at his side. Experimentally he flexed his feet and toes just to test out how sore his muscles were going to be. Pain spiked through his calves and up his legs and his arms already felt shaky from the energy of pushing himself into a sitting position.

_This is going to be fun_, a voice muttered sarcastically in his head.

He reached up and gripped Harry's shoulder with his left hand while placing his right on the nightstand. With one big push he propelled himself to his feet while Harry instinctively wrapped one arm around his waist.

The position was extremely awkward for Severus. He wasn't used to depending on anyone in such a manner, but the pain shooting through his limbs kept him from telling Harry to remove his support.

The pair made a clumsy and slow trip across the room to the bathroom.

"This will be far enough, Potter," Severus said when they reached the bathroom door.

Harry looked as though he wanted to protest over Severus' ability to stand on his own, but he also looked extremely uncomfortable at the thought of venturing any further with his professor. He reluctantly released Snape and allowed the man to move his hands to the doorframe and knob for support.

Severus took a deep breath before dragging himself the final distance into the bathroom. He pushed the door shut behind him and practically fell onto the closed toilet, taking a few moments just to gather his strength.

-SS-

Harry knew the professor would not be at his best, but it didn't stop him from pacing in front of the bathroom door worrying. He could hear water running, but at a few points there seemed to be complete silence and Harry almost wanted to knock and make sure the man was alright. He managed to restrain himself and finally the door was yanked open.

Although Snape must have washed his face and such, he still looked as tired as ever. Harry was used to seeing him in clothing other than teaching robes since this summer, but the sight of the professor in dark blue linen pants and a white t-shirt still caught him off guard. He looked so completely normal.

The professor's hair hung around his face and his eyes were surrounded by dark circles. Harry thought the professor was trying to glare at him, but it wasn't working. He wondered if this was what he looked like the other day when he woke with Snape sitting by his bed.

The sight lit a fierce protectiveness in him. Snape had done so much for him and Harry wanted nothing more than to return the favor. He hated the thought of anyone hurting the man.

He quickly took up his position and helped the professor back to the bed. It was obvious Snape was trying his best to hide his pain and discomfort and Harry purposely kept his mouth shut. If anything, the man's injuries just reinforced the idea that Snape was one of the bravest people he knew. Harry respected him immensely and hoped that some day he could be even a fraction as strong.

Snape dropped back onto the bed and pulled his legs up. Before he could lay back down Harry fixed his pillows, straightening them and fluffing them up a little. He earned another weak glare, but didn't worry much about it when Snape let himself fall back into the pillows and the tension in his face eased.

Harry watched the professor's eyes close as he fell back to sleep almost immediately.

-SS-

Harry had let himself fall asleep again after Madame Pomfrey had checked on them both, but now it was close to eleven pm and he felt wide awake. The protectiveness for Snape that he felt earlier was slowly starting to morph into anger as he stared at the wounded professor. It wasn't fair that Snape cared so little about his own life when Harry cared so much.

He felt as though he was constantly receiving mixed signals from the man. Snape acted like he wanted Harry to trust him and depend on him, but then he continuously put his own life in danger. And it was alright for Snape to scold Harry if he ever did something like that, but obviously not the other way around.

By the time Snape started to rouse from his sleep an hour later, Harry had given the subject a lot of bitter thought.

Snape requested a glass of water and Harry helped prop up some more pillows behind him so that he could sit in a reclined position rather than lying down. The professor took slow sips, but said nothing in between.

"Here," Harry said, holding out a deep violet potion. "Madame Pomfrey said you needed to take this when you woke up."

Snape stopped sipping from his glass, but didn't immediately take the offered vial. He stared with pursed lips and Harry had to bite his tongue to stop from snapping at the man.

Finally Snape gave up whatever objection he must have had in his head and took the potion from Harry's hand.

"She also said you could take another pain reliever if you wanted and you should have this one that would help with any nerve damage," Harry said evenly, holding out another potion with one hand and waiting for the empty vial with his other.

Snape's glare increased, but he didn't object as he exchanged vials and drank the second one. His silence only served to frustrate Harry more.

"What happened at the meeting?" Harry asked boldly.

Snape didn't even look over. "Nothing of your concern," he said in that deadly quiet tone of voice he used when Harry would normally realize he was in extremely dangerous water. This time Harry chose to completely ignore it.

"He was obviously angry with you for some reason."

Snape's icy glare finally landed on Harry. "I said it is none of your concern."

The professor's choice of words made Harry furious. It most certainly was _his_ _concern_. Snape was _his_ _concern_. He _cared_ about the professor. He didn't want to see him hurt or worse… killed.

"If there were people who cared whether you lived or died, would it make any difference?"

Snape didn't answer and it just made Harry angrier. He thought maybe he would give the professor the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Snape didn't believe anyone cared and if he knew Harry did, it would change things, but the professor's silence dashed that theory out of the water.

"Would it make any difference?" he demanded resentfully.

"Perhaps," Snape said slowly after a moment.

The professor's answer wasn't convincing enough and Harry realized that he would never be worth enough. He hadn't changed Snape's mind even after everything that had happened this summer and he had no ideas left to prove that he cared.

"Stop it!" Snape demanded harshly.

"Stop what?" Harry answered in an equally acrimonious tone.

"Stop thinking the nonsense your silly head is currently coming up with."

"How would you know what I-" Harry started to retort before being cut off.

"You're thinking you aren't worthy enough to sway my decision and that's preposterous," Snape said with a finality that Harry ignored.

"Is it?" he shouted. "You have to realize I care and yet it doesn't matter. You keep going back to those meetings! You keep spying!"

"Harry it is more complicated than that and you know it," Snape responded despairingly.

It was the resigned tone of voice the man used that finally shut Harry up. The two sat staring at each other in silence for a long time and Harry had no idea where to go with this conversation or how to feel.

"Do you believe I enjoy my job?" Snape finally asked seriously.

Harry didn't answer and Snape continued.

"Do you believe I do it for some sense of honor, because I hope to be rewarded with medals and fame?"

Harry knew that wasn't what made the professor be a spy, but he didn't answer.

"I do it because it needs to be done. I do it because I am the only one in the right position," he finally concluded solemnly.

"And I'm being selfish," Harry added, feeling guilty.

"No!" Snape snarled. "You are not. I…" he began slowly. "I have never had to consider anyone other than myself. This is new to me."

Harry felt warmth burn in his chest at those words. As small of an admission as it was, the professor was still telling Harry that he did care.

"I don't want to see you get hurt," Harry spoke up.

"I don't think I could handle it," he added honestly after another moment.

"Then I will do my best to keep myself alive," Snape returned seriously. "I have an excellent reason now."

-SS-

_TBC…._

Thank you all for your continued reviews! - Mara


	44. Ch 44 Frustrations

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** I really can't apologize enough for how long this has taken. It's been like almost 4 months! I started a new job back in July and it just got so hectic and then with it being summer, I wanted to try and enjoy the nice weather, but I swear I was always working on the fic a tiny bit at a time. Chapter 44 is finally finished! And then I was going to post it earlier this week but I had to take my friend to the ER to get 6 staples put in her head. She's doing good though and we're going to get them removed today. THANK you all for the wonderful reviews, big and small, anonymous or not. They are so encouraging!

Thanks Jess and Stacy for beta-ing this chapter!

_From Before…_

"_I don't want to see you get hurt," Harry spoke up. _

"_I don't think I could handle it," he added honestly after another moment. _

"_Then I will do my best to keep myself alive," Snape returned seriously. "I have an excellent reason now."_

**Ch. 44 **– **Frustrations**

Sirius couldn't wrap his head around it all. Everything with Harry and Snape was just unbelievable, not to mention his blood was boiling with the thought that those muggles had hurt his godson.

James and Lily had trusted him as godfather and he'd certainly mucked the whole thing up. Nothing was supposed to happen to them. It shouldn't have fallen on his shoulders. But Peter betrayed them all. Sirius should have been there taking care of Harry all those years. Instead, he landed in Azkaban and Harry was left with Lily's sister and her despicable husband, a man who had been hurting Harry for who knows how many years.

Sirius wasn't a fool. It was obvious Harry was trying to downplay the entire thing from the minute he mentioned his uncle had hit him. And his lack of answers was as good as admitting it had been going on a long time.

It all made sense now, especially how Harry had been so quick to accept his offer to come live with him.

He wanted to break something… namely, Vernon Dursley's limbs, one by one. But between thinking about ways he could tear the man apart were thoughts of this strange relationship that had developed between Snape and Harry.

Snape, the evil git who had freely chosen to join Voldemort and had never thought twice to use dark spells in school, had somehow gotten Harry's respect. And from the way Harry talked, it was as if Snape had been sitting with him all night while he was sick. Sirius couldn't help but be jealous. HE was supposed to be taking care of Harry, not Snape, and he should be the one that Harry respected and relied upon.

Snape hated James and consequently Harry for the past four years. And yet Harry was confiding in the Slytherin and telling him more about the abuse than he would his own godfather. It made absolutely no sense.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted, ceasing the man's internal deliberations for a moment. He stared at his old friend from across the table hoping to find some type of explanation written on his face, but the only thing he could see was that Remus must have been calling his name for a while.

He shook his head trying to clear away the insanity of his thoughts. The answers he sought weren't going to just fall out of the sky. "How? How did all this happen?" he asked bitterly.

Remus stared back for a moment, apparently looking for his own answers.

"I would have thought you would want to talk about the abuse, but I assume you mean Harry and Severus."

Sirius slammed his fist down onto the table, rattling the cutlery. "I want to talk about everything, but he'd rather run off and sit by Snivellus' bedside!"

The glare Remus sent his way only made Sirius angrier. "Don't give me that look. That git has harassed Harry the last four years. You told me so yourself! And Snape was always ready to flip sides, whichever suited him best at the time. He turned on Lily after she defended him time and again. So don't tell me I'm not right!"

"People change, Sirius. We thought we could trust Peter and we were horribly wrong. Severus has been trying to make up for past mistakes for a long time and although he may always be a bit rough around the edges, that does not mean he isn't trustworthy."

Sirius shook his head frantically. Using Peter as an example was just more reason not to trust Snape. If you could be wrong about one of your own friends you should take even more caution with your enemies.

"Sirius," Remus spoke in a quiet tone, catching the man's attention. "Think about Harry and how he might be able to relate to Severus. You know Severus did not have a stellar childhood."

"Neither did I, a Gryffindor growing up in a pureblood Slytherin home! My father thought nothing of punishments involving nasty curses. Why do you think I ran away?"

"To a home where you were welcomed by James' parents as if you were their own son. I'm not trying to diminish anything you went through, Sirius, but you need to look at this from Harry's perspective. He's had no one to turn to and nowhere to escape to. If he finally feels like he can relate to someone, we should be pleased."

"But in the matter of a month? He feels more comfortable talking to Snape?" Sirius demanded.

"I'm not going to profess to know how this all developed, but what I do know is that Severus has been doing what is best for Harry and Harry, in turn, respects him."

"Doing what's best?" Sirius hissed. "Keeping the fact that my godson was abused by his relatives from us! You call that doing what's best?"

"Sirius, I wish Harry would talk to us. Trust me. I want answers just as much as you do. But for now we cannot push him and we should be happy he is talking to anyone _at all_." Remus spoke in a soft yet heated voice, causing Sirius to cease his arguments and just stare at his friend's sorrowful eyes.

"You found him in Snape's room?" he asked, trying to push out the bitterness and jealousy and focus on any information Harry might have admitted about his time with the Dursleys.

Remus gave a small nod.

"Did he say anything?" he asked through gritted teeth.

Remus took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing. "He tried to deny how bad it was. I told him he didn't need to give me any information, but requested that he not lie."

Sirius couldn't stop his fingers from tapping in nervous agitation on the table. He let his eyes fall closed. It was bad then, probably one of the more horrible scenarios he had thought up. And those thoughts made him physically ill. He wanted so badly to run out the door right now and apparate to the Dursley residence, but knew Remus would stop him before he had the chance.

"I did ask if he has been speaking with Severus about the abuse and he said yes," Remus added softly.

_So what was stopping him from speaking to us?_ Sirius thought bitterly, but held his tongue.

"Sirius," Remus said, reaching his hand across the table towards the man's arm, but not quite reaching it. "Child abuse can do terrible things to a person. We're extremely lucky he is talking at all. It's very common for children to lock it all away."

"And what happens when Snape hurts him just like he hurt Lily?"

-SS-

"Now that it is well after midnight, I imagine you are wide awake and will argue with me when I request you go to bed."

Harry instantly looked defiant. "I should stay in here. What if you need something? And you're right, I'm not tired. I slept most of the day."

As Severus was about to object, Harry interrupted.

"I won't disturb you. I'll sit quietly. You can go back to sleep."

Severus had plenty of sarcastic arguments, but found his traitorous body wasn't up for it. He could barely deliver the glare he was trying to shoot at Harry. "I will not have my hard work undone," he managed, but Harry remained right where he was.

He let his eyes close in exhaustion before speaking words he knew he would regret when he was thinking more clearly. "I suggest you use the couch if you do not wish to experience my ire in the morning," he said, wearily lifting a solitary finger to point in the general direction of his sofa.

He was going soft, he thought bitterly, although it was hard to deny indulging Harry in his request to remain close to offer Severus any help or comfort he may need. It'd been a long time since he'd had anyone desiring such a job voluntarily.

He never managed to open his eyes again before he drifted off to sleep and thus missed the smile that lit up Harry's face, but the contentment was evident in the teen's eager agreement to abide by Severus' suggestion.

-SS-

Harry was obviously avoiding going down for breakfast. Severus could tell the way he fidgeted in his seat and asked if his professor needed anything for the twentieth time. That confirmed what Severus already assumed, the Marauders had spent the night. The only question that remained was why Harry was avoiding the two men.

"So… I told Sirius," Harry said quietly before Severus even had a chance to attempt to weasel it out of him.

He was stunned for a moment. Surely Harry couldn't mean what he thought. He was propped up against some pillows and sipping some tea. His hands still shook so he kept them firmly wrapped around the cup as he returned it to his lap. He stared at Harry to see that the boy had his head bowed, staring at his own cup of tea rather than meeting Severus' eyes.

"How did this come about, if I may inquire?" His curiosity was just too great. Harry had adamantly opposed talking to his godfather just the other day. He also had to admit he was a bit worried about what this would mean for their relationship. Would Harry even need him any more if he had his godfather to confide in?

Harry glanced up for a second and Severus could see the anxiety in his eyes. Perhaps he was preparing to deliver bad news like Severus suspected. Never mind that the boy had just declared how much he cared about Severus.

"You've been telling me to trust you and that I should talk to him," Harry said in a rush. "And I do trust you. I mean, I'm trying. But I do… I think. I woke up and just assumed it was you sitting there. I was so surprised to see Sirius and then to know that you went and got him for me. You could have left Marla. I would have been fine. It just… It just made me realize that I should trust you more."

Harry was staring at Severus with wide, fretful eyes and Severus was in complete shock at the boy's words. _He told Black because he wanted to show me how much he trusts me. _Harry continued to surprise him out of all his assumptions and the idea that Harry trusted him or at least _wanted_ to trust him drew a small smile to his face that he couldn't stop and a warmth blossoming in his chest.

It must have been enough for Harry because he returned it almost immediately.

"And how did that conversation ensue?" Severus asked and almost wished he hadn't when it wiped the smile right off Harry's face. He could feel himself growing angry and had to consciously prevent a scowl from erupting. If Black mucked this up, he'd strangle the man the minute he had his strength back.

"Not good," Harry said quietly causing Severus to clench his jaw.

"It doesn't mean I don't trust you," Harry added quickly. "I just don't think it was a good idea."

Severus took a deep measured breath, trying to focus on the warmth in his chest knowing Harry cared so much about what he thought.

"Explain exactly what transpired," he requested evenly.

Harry nodded and launched into the tale of everything that occurred in the kitchen before Severus made his undignified entrance to the scene.

Severus had never wished more that he wasn't trapped in this damnable bed. If possible, he'd be marching down stairs to give Sirius Black a serious kick in the arse, before the mutt saw himself back at Grimmauld Place… never allowed near Harry again. But of course that was a bit unreasonable and too optimistic.

"I just couldn't tell him everything when he was getting so angry," Harry said, basically pleading for Severus to understand and agree.

Severus moved the tea cup to the side table as carefully and steadily as possible, before locking his hands together in front of him. This was about supporting Harry and not showing his anger over Black's reaction. "I'm proud of you," he said, at least getting Harry to stop mumbling apologies.

"But I lied about how bad it was," he said meekly. "You told me not to do that."

"And you've ceased doing so when speaking with me. In the face of your godfather's reaction, I cannot fault you for trying to diffuse the situation," Severus said honestly.

"That's because it's easier to talk to you," Harry let slip quietly, causing Severus to raise an eyebrow.

"And yet you fight me tooth and nail whenever I request that we discuss your relatives," he mocked.

"I do not! At least not anymore," Harry answered heatedly, but instantly recognized the lightness in Snape's eyes and realized the man was only picking on him.

Severus had seen Harry's new resolve to not shy away from the subject of the Dursleys. The boy was nothing but brave and Severus respected his effort immensely. "I'm extremely proud of your willingness to discuss them more."

Harry only shrugged in response and bit his lip, disappointing Severus in the hope of getting Harry to admit it was beneficial.

"Harry, you understand, as much as I deem it highly inappropriate, why your godfather reacted with such anger?"

Harry shrugged again before answering. "I know he's mad at my relatives and Remus said the same thing, but it also seems like he's angry that I won't tell him everything," he said quietly.

Severus had felt that same anger and had literally demanded that Harry tell him everything at first, but those details were lost in the fury he felt that Black would dare make Harry feel guilty. "You have no obligation to speak to anyone you do not wish to," he said spitefully.

Harry regarded him with skeptical eyes, but didn't say anything. Obviously he picked up on the hypocrisy of that statement, but didn't want to broach the subject.

Severus let out a long suffering sigh before trying to tackle it all.

-SS-

Sometimes Snape didn't make much sense to Harry. One minute he'd encourage him to tell his godfather and then the next minute he all but retracted the statement.

"You deserve to be in control, Harry," Snape said in his teacher tone, as though he were relaying important information and Harry should be taking notes. "I encourage you to discuss things with those closest to you because I believe it will be beneficial in the long run. And I push you to speak with at least me because it is essential that you not bottle all this up. That does not mean that you have no control in this situation and you should be allowed to release information at your discretion. I was wrong to try and force you to talk about such things earlier in the summer."

The professor paused and stared at Harry as though he wanted some type of response, but Harry wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. He couldn't help feeling guilty. Sirius was his godfather and his father's best friend. He was the closest thing Harry had to blood family, the Dursleys aside. He hated the way his stomach squirmed thinking Sirius was angry or upset with him. But he also didn't think giving Sirius more details would satisfy the man or take away his anger at not being told immediately. It felt like a lose-lose situation at this point.

It might not have been the exact reason Harry had feared his godfather would resent him, but the end result was the same and he wished more than anything he could just take back everything he said that morning.

He never felt like he had any control where the Dursleys were concerned. Certainly not while living with them and even now, when discussing them. They'd never stop causing him pain one way or another.

"Harry, look at me," Snape demanded.

Harry complied quickly and was amazed at the softness he found in Snape's eyes now compared to just a few months ago when they would have seemed like a sheet of ice.

"He reacts harshly because he cares. This awkwardness will pass. I'll be there when you next speak with him."

And it was amazing how much of a comfort that knowledge was. Snape would be there. Snape was always there. Even when he was ill and recovering from a severe curse, he was busy consoling fears that Harry hadn't even voiced aloud.

"Clean yourself up and go down to breakfast. I expect you to take it easy today, but some light studying would not go amiss," Snape ordered. "And you will not spend all your time cooped up in here."

-SS-

Breakfast was another awkward and silent affair. Sirius barely touched any food and instead chose to alternate between staring into his coffee cup and staring at Harry. Remus tried to be cheerful, but didn't make it very far. Harry said as little as possible.

"Harry, we need to talk," Sirius finally said. He had both hands wrapped around his coffee cup and his shoulders were squared as though he would not back down from this.

It made Harry angry. It wasn't Sirius' decision to make. He would tell him about the Dursleys when and if he was ready.

"And I told you I don't want to talk about it right now," Harry replied firmly.

"Sirius," Remus said lightly while laying a hand on his forearm to restrain him from saying anything he might regret.

Sirius shook his head back and forth. "You need to talk about this," he murmured.

Harry pushed his chair back from the table, preparing to get up. "No, _you_ need me to talk about this. _You_ want details. And they're only going to make _you_ upset," he said, boldly meeting Sirius' eyes. He wished he could will the words to sink in. Maybe, when Snape was up and better, they could all sit down and Harry would fill in his godfather more. But for right now, he wasn't ready to do it alone.

"I don't need that right now," Harry added, as he rose from the table. He didn't need to say, _don't make me_, but his tone implied it. "Besides, there are far more important things to be talking about, like Voldemort and the people who are dying because of him."

"There's nothing I can do about that right now," Sirius interjected.

"And there is nothing you can do about this either, so let it go!" Harry answered heatedly.

When he made a move towards the door and got no objections he slipped from the room.

-SS-

Sirius scowled at Snape's door, imagining that Harry was in there chatting with the traitor, even as they tried his own room. His face softened immediately when Remus eased the door open and they discovered Harry fast asleep.

"He looks peaceful," Remus whispered with a smile. "He needs the rest too. He can get lunch when he wakes."

Sirius agreed, Harry did look peaceful, but the thought only reminded him of the many times in Harry's childhood when he wouldn't have been at ease or relaxed. A deep sadness settled in his chest that he couldn't shake as he stared at his best friend's son.

As they slipped back out into the hallway they ran into Madame Pomfrey. She informed them that she would run a quick scan of Harry when she was done with Snape.

Dumbledore wasn't far behind the mediwitch and Sirius demanded answers which the headmaster managed to avoid wonderfully, saying he didn't know very many details and they were Harry's to share.

The whole situation infuriated Sirius and the minute Snape was up and around he was going to be held accountable for keeping them out of the loop.

-SS-

"Severus, I'm coming in," Madame Pomfrey called as she slipped into his bedroom.

Severus was in the process of attempting to get up. He had transfigured a cane from one of his quills and had planned on trying to exercise his leg muscles. He was currently sitting on the edge of his bed placing a small amount of weight on his feet and evening it out by supporting his upper body with his arms on the bed. The sooner he tried, the sooner he would be back to his old self.

He scowled at Poppy for not bothering to knock, but otherwise said nothing.

"And just what do you think you're doing young man? You should be resting, in bed!" The mediwitch made a shooing motion with her hands as she bustled over to him that Severus unashamedly ignored.

"I am not an invalid, woman," he snapped back. "And I do not have time for a lie-in."

The glare sent his way was enough to make him drop his eyes. Poppy always cared deeply about her patients, but Severus was ill-tempered when he wasn't at his usual health and it was easy to take that out on her.

"I would like to see you get better, Severus Snape, not make things worse," she reprimanded. "You're lucky I didn't confine you to my infirmary."

Severus scoffed at that as she pulled out her wand and immediately began running her own scans.

"The nerve damage seems to be lessening. You're taking the potions I gave Mr. Potter?" she asked even as more scans continued to chime.

He raised one eyebrow sardonically while glaring at the mediwitch.

"Don't you get cheeky with me! It's a legitimate question when I know how you like to self-medicate," she snapped right back.

Severus snorted and looked away to hide the small smirk playing at his lips. Poppy always did know him too well.

"What about the anti-inflammatory?" she questioned routinely while marking away on a chart.

Severus gave another good glare and refused to deign that question with an auditory answer of any kind.

Poppy huffed in annoyance and charmed her quill to scribble out a series of instructions on a sheet of blank parchment. "These are some stretches you should work on to help lessen the joint pain and return you to full mobility. Don't pretend like you know what's best, Severus. Trying to prance about as if you're perfectly well is hardly the way to a full recovery."

Severus' eyes widened in horror. "I do not _prance_ anywhere!" he hissed.

"Very well, stalking is unacceptable as well," she said casually as she began to line up potions on his bedside table.

Severus made a low growling sound in his throat and chose to respond by pushing himself to his feet, leaning heavily on his newly made cane.

Poppy spun around and settled her hands on her hips. "Severus Snape!"

He merely cocked one eyebrow.

Just then a knock sounded at his door and the headmaster slipped through.

"No wonder Harry is becoming so stubborn," Poppy muttered. "Do not blame me if you are worse off in a few days young man!" she scolded, waiving a finger in Severus' face.

Severus had to stop himself from smiling at the idea that anyone would attribute Harry's characteristics to him. It was the kind of comparison one would make between a father and son. Stubborn or not, it made him feel extremely proud.

"He's all yours," she said to Albus as she made her way to the door. "I'll check on Mr. Potter before I leave as well."

At the mention of checking on Harry, Severus' eyes snapped over to the Mediwitch, wondering what her diagnosis would be.

"Thank you Poppy. Your work is greatly appreciated," Albus said, giving her a warm smile. "I hope Severus hasn't been too much trouble. You know his bark is worse than his bite."

"And I AM in the room," Severus spoke up, glaring at the Headmaster's twinkling blue eyes.

"Yes, yes, he's always a bit harsher when he's under the weather. I let it go in one ear and out the other," Poppy responded as if Severus were not there.

He wished he could fold his arms across his chest, but his reliance on the wretched cane wouldn't let him. He was actually getting tired from standing there only these few minutes, but he'd never let Poppy see she was right. The mediwitch already knew she was. There was no need to give her further confirmation.

Poppy slipped out of the room and Albus turned his attention to Severus.

"How are you feeling my dear boy?"

"Must you ask?" Severus retorted, only to receive that grandfatherly smile.

"It's hard not to be concerned when a child of ours is not up to par," Albus answered with a knowing twinkle.

Severus looked away and focused his energy on taking a few steps towards the chair opposite his bed. Conversations such as these were always uncomfortable for the Potions Master. His own father had never cared about him. It was hard to imagine Albus could. And now, with the introduction of Harry, Severus was starting to understand the feelings, but he would always have a hard time believing they could be directed towards him by anyone.

He made it to the chair and shakily lowered himself down. "He suspects a traitor." Severus said, not bothering to beat around the bush.

Albus drew up his own chair and gave his full attention.

"For now, I am safe in that I am not the only suspect. It is amazing how tight of wraps the Ministry kept this information under. Not even Lucius or his other contacts knew about the change. However, the Dark Lord is displeased that I am not within your confidences."

"We will come up with a way to rectify that. You'll need to deliver definitive information to dissuade him of that notion," Albus responded.

"Definitive and yet, false," Severus answered, his mind already busy trying to figure out just what that might be.

"For now, focus on recovering. He would have expected you to have the antidote on hand, but the recovery from his unique curses would have taken much longer if Poppy and I were not available. I imagine he won't be summoning you for some time."

Severus gave a small nod of agreement. It was one of the good things that came of punishments from the Dark Lord. Typically he wouldn't want to see you for some time.

"And how is young Harry?" Dumbledore asked with a smile. "He was taking your injuries quite hard."

"You love this don't you? And yet, you ignore the fact that it has put me in an impossible situation."

"Nonsense, Severus. The choice is very simple if it came down to it," he beamed.

The headmaster was right. Severus knew what he would choose if it came down to it. He didn't know how easily he would be able to give up spying, knowing how essential his position was for the war, but he did know he would always do what was best for Harry. From here on out, the boy deserved that much.

"Sirius and Remus approached me just earlier with a few concerns."

Severus scowled at the thought of Harry's insistent godfather. Never mind that he would feel just as angry if he had been kept out of the loop. "And…" he drawled, when Albus didn't continue.

"I informed them that I knew very few details, but was sure Harry would share more when things settled down."

Severus scoffed in reply.

"Things will settle down for both of you," Albus insisted in his calm, wise voice.

"Perhaps, once I get those two marauders out of my home."

"They care about Harry, as do you. Try not to be too harsh."

_TBC…_

So…. I took forever… I know… please forgive me…

-Mara


	45. Ch 45 Losing Composure

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** Ummm, so I could sit here and apologize profusely for how long this took, but I'm not going to do that. Oh, who am I kidding, I'm SO SORRY! Please forgive me! THANK you all for the wonderful reviews! They are so encouraging and make me feel guilty when I haven't posted a new chapter in forever! And then I take like 4 months to reply to reviews and yeah, you all probably think I'm crazy. Again, I'm terribly sorry about this chapter, but I just couldn't get it right, or I have become pickier, I'm not sure which. It also kind of took on a life of its own and went in a direction I hadn't planned originally.

Huge thanks to Jess and Stacy for beta-ing this chapter and helping with wording in various places!

_From Before…_

"_Things will settle down for both of you," Albus insisted in his calm, wise voice. _

"_Perhaps, once I get those two marauders out of my home." _

"_They care about Harry, as do you. Try not to be too harsh." _

**Ch. 45 – Losing Composure**

By the next day Severus was finally up to making a trek down to the study. He needed to stretch his legs and he couldn't stand being cooped up in his room when the Marauders were taking over his home.

He knew his peace would be broken the moment he ran into Black, but he wasn't going to avoid the confrontation. He'd certainly never shied away from one before.

Sure enough, Severus barely made it to the bottom of the stairs before Black was hissing at him with Lupin not far behind. Although old memories of being mocked by Potter and Black were creeping into his head, he struggled to make his walk as smooth as possible while using a cane and continued his path to the study with indifference to the two men.

"You have a lot of answering to do, Snape!" Black said angrily, hot on his heels.

Severus ignored the man as he lowered himself into one of the arm chairs and called Marla for some coffee. Tea would not be sufficient this morning.

"How _dare_ you keep this information silent!"

Severus raised an eyebrow in annoyance which only fueled Black's anger. Lupin was trying to restrain him with a hand on Black's forearm, but was having little luck.

"Do you think this is just some joke?" Black said in outrage.

"Not at all," Severus answered coldly.

"He's my godson! I had a right to know the Dursleys were abusing him!"

"And had I told you without his permission, he would have lost trust in every adult, including you," Severus snapped back, finally losing his patience.

Black just glared at him, but surprisingly, seemed to be considering Severus' words.

"I had a right to know!" he finally replied childishly.

"And he had a right to tell you himself, when he was ready," Severus retorted. "Not everything is about you, Black. Perhaps you need to reexamine who the priority is here."

"If you think I don't care about Harry-"

"Sirius, stop!" Lupin cut in. "We're arguing unnecessarily when there are more important things to focus on. I wish we had known sooner too, but Severus is right. Harry needed to have time to tell us."

Black turned his glare on his friend as though Lupin had just stabbed him in the back, before swirling around toward Severus again.

"I want to know what you know! How long has this been going on and how bad was it? What did they do to him?" Black demanded.

Severus took his time sipping the coffee Marla had placed on the table next to his chair, giving him a chance to gather his words carefully.

"Black," he spoke slowly. "Those are details that are not mine to share." He couldn't help but delight in the torture he was causing as Black's face turned red with anger. He only hated that it was at Harry's pain.

Before Sirius could have any type of outburst the men were interrupted by said teen.

-SS-

"I don't care. You can tell him." Harry tried to keep his voice cool and indifferent, but it still came out a little bitter. He was angry that Sirius was going behind his back for information, but he certainly didn't want to have this conversation himself. Even more so, it was embarrassing to know that these three men would soon be discussing everything the Dursleys had done to him, but if it would get Sirius to stop asking questions he would have to deal with a few awkward moments now.

All three sets of eyes spun to stare at him and he felt his strong façade collapsing slowly under the scrutiny. He just hoped that Snape would agree and he could leave.

"No," Snape said simply, causing Harry's eyes to widen in surprise. "If it were honestly your decision, perhaps I'd comply. However, you've already expressed that you're uncomfortable sharing more at this time."

"Harry," Sirius pleaded. "I just want to help."

He'd been momentarily distracted by Snape's statement, but turned nervously towards his godfather.

"I just – I just don't want to talk about it yet," he tried to explain weakly, although with Sirius staring so intently at him, his halting words made him feel even more inadequate.

"But you don't have a problem talking to him," Sirius exclaimed, pointing at Snape.

Harry felt the air rush out of his lungs as if he'd been punched in the stomach. He couldn't help it if he felt more comfortable talking to Snape.

"That's enough!" Snape hissed. "Harry, go find Marla and request some breakfast!"

Harry shook his head a little trying to get past the pain Sirius' accusation caused. He could tell Snape was furious, but he was sick of dancing around this. The pressure from Sirius and the uncertainty of everything was making him ill and perhaps it was time to just get it over with.

"No. It's fine," he finally said. If Sirius wanted to know everything, then Harry would bloody well tell him.

"It is not _fine_ and you owe no explanation," Snape retorted, but Harry just shook his head more and ignored his professor.

"It's fine. I don't care," he said angrily before turning to look directly at Sirius. He wished he honestly believed those words and tried his best to pretend he did as he took a deep breath. He didn't want to voice any of this aloud because he really wasn't ready to hear it himself, but Sirius was leaving him no choice.

"They hated me," he began bluntly, already repulsed by the way his heart was pounding in his chest, but a part of him was angry at Sirius for forcing him into this position and it encouraged him to keep talking.

"They punished me for everything, whether I did something wrong or not. They'd lock me in the cupboard or I'd go without food. And my uncle hit me, for as long as I can remember. Usually my clothes hid the bruises, but once a teacher noticed and told the nurse. It got back to the Dursleys and I had one of the worst weekends of my life."

He tried to rattle off facts as fast as he could, but eventually it was impossible not to think about what they actually meant and his voice started to waver. He darted his eyes to the floor as he swallowed thickly to prevent his throat from closing up.

_Stick to the facts and stop being a baby_, he scolded himself.

When he glanced back up he caught a glimpse of the misery in Sirius' eyes and he couldn't look at his godfather anymore. He had thought he wanted to hurt Sirius the way his godfather's words had hurt him, but now he realized he didn't like it at all. He refused to look at any of the adults in the room, worried he'd get overly emotional if he focused on their faces and he had no desire to look any weaker in front of these men.

"I did all the cooking and all the cleaning," he began again. "I wore Dudley's old clothes that were five sizes too big and I lived in a cupboard until I was eleven. Then they gave me a bedroom with bars on the window and locks on the door because they were afraid someone was watching them." His voice slowly turned more and more bitter, but he couldn't help it. "I could never do anything right. I got punished if I did better than Dudley in anything. I never got to celebrate holidays or birthdays. I spent every Christmas locked in the cupboard listening to Dudley opening his presents and watching movies on the telly." He stopped abruptly and closed his eyes against the stinging sensation.

He hated the Dursleys for how they had treated him, but more importantly, he hated himself for letting it hurt this much.

"They promised they'd love me if I just tried harder… did better. And I was stupid and pathetic and believed them every time-"

"Harry, that's enough!"

Harry snapped his eyes over to Snape before ashamedly looking at the floor. The man looked disappointed and that hurt. The words he'd just spoken hurt too. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, wishing this scene could just dissolve away.

He gave himself the small reprieve, but quickly swept all the horrible thoughts away and snapped his eyes open.

"Alright?" he asked, trying to gauge whether his speech had been satisfactory enough to get him out of ever having this conversation again. He attempted to ignore how his voice shook as he continued. "So can we just drop it now? Let's just go back to before anyone knew and pretend everything is normal. Before everyone thought I was fragile or broken – or helpless," he added, hoping he'd made his point. It frustrated him that no one had known anything before and everything was fine, but now the world had to flip upside down.

It seemed like an eternity to Harry, but was probably only seconds before anyone responded.

"Harry, no one thinks that you're helpless. It's not good to just ignore-"

"No one wants me like this!" Harry shouted, losing his composure. Everyone was on edge and it was because of him. It was because of him and the Dursleys and everything that had happened. There was a war and more important things to worry about, but now everyone was preoccupied with figuring out how mentally stable he was. He just wanted things to go back to before anyone knew.

Snape cleared his throat loudly causing Harry's eyes to snap over to him again. The professor was giving him a strong glare of disapproval and Harry could feel his face heating up as he realized how insulting his statement was to Snape after everything the man had done for him this summer.

"It's just that no one knew before and no one thought anything was wrong with me then. I just want things to go back to the way they were," he tried to explain more, glancing between Sirius and Remus.

"Harry," Sirius finally whispered, but after a long silence he didn't follow it up with anything else.

"Can I go now?" Harry asked, discreetly looking towards Snape for permission although the question was posed to the whole room.

The professor gave him a small, almost imperceptible nod. Sirius and Remus looked miserable, but didn't object so that was all Harry needed to leave the room.

-SS-

Severus wanted to stop him or to follow him. By everything that Harry had blurted out in the last five minutes, it was obvious they had so much more ground to cover before Harry believed himself to be completely innocent in regards to the abuse he suffered. But for now he had an imbecile who needed to be taught a lesson.

For a moment all was silent and Severus tried to decide whether he should hex first and yell later or vice versa.

"I'm going to kill him," Black hissed.

"Yes, because that worked out so well for you last time," Severus couldn't stop himself from retorting.

Black fired off a blasting hex before Lupin could stop him, but Severus was prepared with a shield charm of his own. By the time they both dissipated Lupin was standing between them, one hand to Black's chest.

"This is ridiculous! Can't the two of you put away your petty feud for two minutes?" Lupin said exasperatedly turning his head between them both.

"That bastard doesn't give a damn about Harry!" Black shouted. "This is all one big joke to him!"

Severus rose from his seat as quickly as his body allowed and stalked towards the two marauders. "Let's get one thing straight, Black. I will not permit you to emotionally blackmail your godson in my home," he said icily.

Black sputtered a few obscenities, but didn't seem to have a descent response.

"Get out of my house," Severus added coldly, because that much he could do. He may not be able to keep Black from Harry permanently, but if he insisted on being a complete arse, he would throw him out of his home for now.

"Severus," Lupin pleaded.

"No. I'll leave. Just as soon as Harry comes with me," Black chimed in.

"You are seriously delusional if you believe-" Severus hissed before Lupin cut him off again.

"Enough! For Merlin's sake!" Remus ran his hand through his hair before turning to Black. "Sirius, he's been _abused_. Making him feel guilty until he tells you is not going to help him through this. He needs time and space… and support."

"He does _not_ need us fighting," he added with a pointed look to Severus.

"He also does not need to worry about his godfather receiving the Dementor's Kiss for foolishly rushing off to the Dursleys," Severus added.

"That man needs to pay!" Sirius snapped. "You can't expect me to sit around and do nothing after what that monster did to Harry."

"I have no qualms about retribution. I'd enjoy visiting them again. It's your Gryffindor rashness that troubles me," Severus answered seriously.

Black made a lunge for Severus, but Lupin was still partially in the way and managed to keep it that way. "Sirius, Harry could still be standing right outside that door," he whispered harshly. Black's face fell immediately.

"Get out. And have a sincere apology prepared for the next time you see your godson," Severus said with a wave of his hand before casting a warming charm on his mug and retrieving it from the table to take a long sip. It was a shame there wasn't something stronger than coffee in his cup.

Black just glared in return. Perhaps he'd been honestly shocked by all of Harry's admissions. It certainly was a bit daunting when confronted with it so bluntly, but Severus still expected more opposition from the man.

"Sirius," Lupin spoke quietly. "Severus is right. For now we need to give Harry a little space. It wouldn't do to rush into discussing something like this completely unprepared. And we can't go rushing off to the Dursleys right now either."

As much as Severus despised all the Marauders, at least Lupin showed some sensibility.

Black closed his eyes for a second. His jaw was set and his lips were pinched tight. Harry's words were obviously sinking in, or rather, overwhelming the man, Severus thought. It was hard not to be knocked to your knees by such a topic. The idea that anyone could do that to a child, but especially one you had come to know and care about, was atrocious.

"You may speak to him tonight before the Order meeting," Severus conceded, with that thought in mind.

Black finally met his eyes. It was obvious he didn't feel that Severus had the right to dictate any of these details, but he was also out of his element. He had no idea how to handle everything Harry had just thrown at them, even if he had asked for it. Severus couldn't blame him for wanting to rush off and torture Vernon Dursely, when it was exactly what he had done before he even really knew Harry. But he could fault Black for doing or saying anything that caused Harry more pain, which he seemed good at right now.

Black didn't say anything as he turned on his heel and disappeared through the floo. Severus could only hope they had impressed upon him the importance of not storming off to the Dursleys. Of course it would help if Lupin went after him, but that wasn't Severus' luck today.

"What is it Lupin?" he asked tiredly. He still had Harry to find and speak to.

"What did you do?" the man asked stonily.

"I don't really have time for your vague questions," Severus answered, trying to wave the man away.

"The Dursleys. You said you wouldn't mind visiting them _again_. What did you do?"

Severus turned to regard Lupin. His tone and the feral look in his eye told Severus he wasn't looking to cast stones, but one could never be too careful when divulging one's secrets.

"I don't tolerate child abuse."

Lupins' eyes flashed for a second. "I need to know what you did, so that I know what needs to still be done."

Severus finally conceded a look of understanding to the wolf.

"What did I do? …Not nearly enough," he admitted quietly.

The two men stood in silence and Severus took a long sip of his coffee thinking of his visit to the Dursleys almost two months ago.

-SS-

_Severus apparated to a small alley a few streets over from Privet Drive. It was not yet six in the morning, which would give him plenty of time to have a nice chat with Vernon Dursley before he had to retrieve Potter. He'd disillusioned himself so that he could walk freely up to the Dursley residence. He had no intentions of dressing as a muggle for this. _

_He didn't bother knocking. A simple unlocking charm let him slip into the house where he made himself visible again. From the lack of noise he assumed the residents were still asleep, but that wouldn't be true for long. _

_He silently made his way to the second floor and cast a simple spell on the younger Dursley to keep him asleep, albeit with some very unpleasant dreams, before he made his way to the master bedroom. _

_Petunia lay next to her obese husband, somehow sleeping through his chainsaw snoring. Severus cast a quick silencing spell on the room. There was no need to attract the neighbors. _

_With quick flicks of his wrist Petunia Dursley was hoisted up into the air by her ankle, dangling above her husband, while Vernon Dursley's air supply was cut off. Both individuals awoke abruptly, Vernon to Petunia's shrilly scream before his eyes went wide and he grabbed at his throat. They both locked onto Severus immediately, fear quickly flashing through their eyes. _

"_Y-you!" Petunia stuttered as she swayed upside down trying to point an accusatory finger at him. She'd yet to notice that her husband was slowly suffocating. _

"_What, Petunia?" Severus said in a silky voice. "You couldn't honestly believe I wouldn't come back for another visit. So, no begging to spare you? Your husband seems to be having trouble breathing," he added as if it was an afterthought. _

_Petunia darted her gaze down quickly to see that Vernon was indeed turning very red as he struggled to breathe and his hands were still clutching at his throat. _

"_Vernon!" she screeched. "What have you done to him? Let him go!" _

_Severus smirked at her attempts to reach frantically for her husband although she couldn't get to him. He lifted the spell on Vernon for a moment allowing him to start gasping for air. The man rolled to his side grasping his chest and Severus wondered briefly if he was going to have a heart attack. He'd be disappointed that he wouldn't be able to deliver more punishment if that were the case. _

_When it looked as though Vernon was recovering, Severus flicked his wrist again and had the large man pinned to the wall by invisible chains. _

"_Tell me, Dursley, did Harry ever beg you to stop the way your wife was just begging for you?" he asked quietly. _

_Vernon coughed some more and was visibly shaking, but managed to gasp out a reply. "I don't know what you're talking about." _

_Severus backhanded the man before the words had barely left his mouth. _

"_Surely your wife informed you of yesterday's events," he said harshly with a deadly glint in his eyes. _

"_What do you want from us?" Petunia shrieked. _

"_To ensure that you and your husband understand what happens to those who abuse a child," Severus returned evenly. _

"_The boy is a curse!" Vernon blurted out, which was the entirely worst thing to say. "He was always doing freaky things! We were only trying our best to get him to shape up-"_

_Severus couldn't listen anymore and had the man's air supply cut off again. "You will both shut up and listen!" he said pointing his wand over to Petunia and then back to Vernon. "You beat and neglected an innocent child, your SISTER'S child!" he hissed with another glare to Petunia. "You don't deserve to be parents," he added with a telling look. _

_Petunia's eyes went wide. "My Dudley! What have you done with my Dudley?" she screeched. _

_Severus had an extremely smug look, taking great joy in the fear he was instilling in the elder Dursleys. It was clear that Vernon was listening intently as well although frantic about his inability to breathe. _

"_Don't worry about your son, Petunia. I took care of him first." He kept silent on the part where Dudley was only suffering from a few nightmares placing himself in Harry's position in any of his memories of tormenting his cousin. _

"_My baby! What have you done to him?" she begged, becoming more and more frantic. _

_Severus took the time to release the spell on Vernon once again and allow him to gasp for air. He silenced the wailing Petunia with a spell as he watched Vernon try to form words. _

_Finally the man stuttered out a sentence. "If you've hurt my son I'll-"_

"_You'll what, Dursley?" Severus snarled. "Perhaps your son is just getting a small taste of the treatment you felt was necessary to inflict upon your nephew all these years. Did you beat him with a belt or did you prefer to use your bare hands?" Memories of his own drunken father came unbidden to his mind and he had to take a deep steadying breath to control the rage he was feeling. He could still see the bruises all over Potter's face and torso and the way the boy flinched. The images were scorched in his mind. That this man could inflict those injuries on a defenseless child made his blood boil. He'd come across a few children that had telltale bruises in his time as a teacher, but never injuries as severe or fresh as Potter's. _

_Vernon looked horrified at the prospect of what his son might be experiencing, but finally seemed afraid to respond, perhaps realizing that he was completely at Severus' mercy. _

"_I imagine that boy never had a restful, safe night's sleep while in this home for the last 14 years so nor shall you or your wife," Severus said bitterly before uttering, "Formidonis Repletus Noctis." It was a dark spell he had learning from Lucius Malfoy back in school, bringing to life the victims greatest fears in their dreams. Lucius had typically used it for only one night to secretly torment someone who had crossed him, but it was easily manipulated to last much longer. _

"_If you fear magic so severely it shall be for a very real reason," Severus added at seeing the panicked looks of both Dursleys. _

"_Wh-what did you do?" Vernon stuttered. _

-SS-

"Thank you," Remus said, startling Severus with the abrupt change. "For everything you've done for Harry," he continued solemnly. "And you don't need to be so oppositional towards Sirius or myself."

"Apparently I do until you put a muzzle on that dog," Severus retorted without missing a beat.

"Sirius' statement was out of line, even if he was jealous," Remus agreed. "But you know, there is no reason we can't all care about Harry," he added knowingly.

"I suggest you go after that imbecile before we have another mess to clean up," Severus said, dismissing the wolf and heading off to search for Harry.

-SS-

_TBC…_

Apologies and chocolate for everyone! (Or mangoes, I just bought some, they're sooo good.) Reviews would be lovely or if you could make it stop snowing, that'd be even better! -Mara


	46. Ch 46 Commit to Memory

**Disclaimer: **The characters still don't belong to me, just messing around with the plot line.

**A/N:** BAM! Bet no one saw this coming! But in all honesty, I suck! I'm so sorry. I haven't answered reviews in like a year either. I'll try to pick back up now, but I apologize if I didn't answer you personally. My inbox is too overwhelming to go back now. I still hate this chapter, but I can't go over it anymore, so I'm just going to move on. Thanks again for EVERYONE'S support and encouragement. I do read each and every review. Sorry if you have to go back and reread the whole story because I took so long.

Huge thanks to Jess and Stacy for not beta-ing this chapter, but beta-ing in the past! All the mistakes on this one are all mine.

_Brief recap… Sirius was demanding answers from Snape so Harry blurted out everything about the abuse. The conversation didn't go that well, Remus and Sirius left and Snape is going to look for Harry. _

**Ch. 46 – Commit to Memory**

Ron was really aggravated.

Sirius had just come through about fifteen minutes ago looking as though he was going to strangle someone. Either that or someone had died. He'd stormed upstairs without a word to anyone, including Ron's mum, who'd tried to question what was going on.

The occupants of Grimmauld place had been very curious and worried about where Sirius and Remus had disappeared to the last few days and now Ron was frustrated that they'd seemed to have come from Snape's and no one was telling him what was going on.

He'd just been booted from the kitchen by his own mum after he'd heard Remus say something about Harry and being sick. Harry was his best friend and if something was wrong, which it obviously was, he deserved to know.

"Ron, I'm sure they'd tell us if something serious happened," Hermione tried to reason with him, but by the way she obsessively twisted a lock of her hair, she was worried too.

He shook his head. "Did you see Sirius?" he hissed. "He wouldn't look like that if Harry just had a cold or something. And I heard Remus say something about being sick!"

He and Hermione had been sitting on the steps when Remus suddenly came up from the Kitchen. Ron couldn't remember their old professor ever looking as tired as he did right now, even after a full moon.

"Remus," he said, jumping up. "What's going on? Is something wrong with Harry?"

The man just patted his shoulder lightly. "Everything is fine," he said unconvincingly, as he pushed by.

Ron huffed before giving Hermione an "I told you so" look.

"Until someone tells us what is going on, there is not much we can do Ronald," Hermione responded quietly.

Ron ignored his friend and raced down to the kitchen to find his mum scrubbing furiously at the stove top as if it had just insulted her cooking.

"Mum, did something happen to Harry?" he ventured nervously.

She startled before answering in a falsely cheerful voice, "Everything is fine dear, don't you worry."

"But Sirius and Remus were at Snape's, weren't they?" he asked.

"It's Professor Snape, Ronald, and it's just a bit of a cold."

"He's my best mate," Ron started to exclaim before Hermione spoke up from the doorway.

"Mrs. Weasley, we're just concerned about Harry."

"Oh, don't you two worry," she answered in that same cheery voice again. "Now run on upstairs," she added more seriously.

Ron knew when to quit arguing with his mum. They weren't going to get anywhere this way.

-SS-

It'd been a couple hours and still, they'd received no explanation. His mum continued her furious cleaning spree and no one had seen Remus and Sirius since they disappeared to the attic. The twins had tried spying with their Extendable Ears, but with no luck. Ron was pacing his room while Hermione pretended to read, although she hadn't turned a page in quite some time.

"I know how to get answers," he spoke up.

"How?" Hermione questioned, clearly surprised that he had come up with a solution before her.

-SS-

Telling Sirius everything had not made Harry feel better. In fact with every minute that ticked by he just felt more defeated.

"When do I get to worry about normal kid stuff, like getting yelled at for having grass stains on my jeans?" He was lying on his back under one of the weeping willow trees in the front yard when Snape loomed over him. He felt a little guilty about making the man walk all the way out here to find him, but he figured Snape could have just sent Marla if he wasn't up to the task yet.

"That can be arranged," Snape answered before clumps of grass started to rain down on Harry's face.

"Hey!" he sputtered indignantly when some landed on his mouth, but he couldn't stop the small smile from spreading across his face when he saw Snape's smirk. The moment didn't last long though.

"Sorry… about everything, in there," he added seriously.

"You need to stop apologizing for things that are not your fault."

"You used to think everything was my fault," Harry said, trying to joke again.

A deep frown passed across Snape's features and Harry instantly regretted his attempt. He quickly pushed himself up onto his elbows.

"I truly regret my actions in the past," Snape said firmly.

"You've more than made up for it," Harry said, hoping he could imply everything that had happened this past summer with that one sentence.

"No," Snape said, shaking his head lightly, "But I will not stop trying."

Harry tried to speak up again, but was cut off.

"Do not argue with me."

The statement was firm, but Harry could see amusement in Snape's eyes and this time he couldn't stop the small laugh that erupted from his mouth. It was nice to joke around with Snape, but again the humor didn't last long and the knot in his stomach started twisting again.

"I feel awful," he admitted soberly, knowing Snape would understand that he was referring to Sirius. He wanted to sick up just thinking about everything.

"Get up," Snape ordered.

Harry glanced up at the sharp tone. He wasn't sure what he was expecting Snape to say, but perhaps a little sympathy would have been nice.

"Of course you would just say _I told you so_," Harry muttered, half seriously and half trying to joke again.

"Get up," Snape insisted, holding his hand out to help.

It was hard not to be a little disappointed when the man was being so nice just a few minutes ago, but Harry knew Snape and Sirius would never get along. It made sense that Snape wouldn't care if Harry and Sirius fought.

He took the offered hand and pulled himself to his feet in one fluid motion, but rather than have his hand released, Snape yanked him forward and Harry found himself engulfed in the man's arms. Harry hugged back immediately and wanted to cry. He was shocked over the small gesture.

Sometimes Snape knew exactly what to say to make him feel better, and then there were times like this when he knew exactly what to do. Snape cupped the back of his head so it was buried against the man's robes and Harry tried his best to just listen to the slow even breathing of his professor. He wanted to commit everything about this moment to memory.

They stood like that for what seemed like an eternity and yet it was over far too early.

"I just hate that he's upset with me," Harry finally mumbled, afraid that Snape would pull away once he broke the silence, but needing to get it out.

"No one is upset with you, Harry," Snape said firmly, but his grip didn't lessen and Harry was extremely grateful.

After another moment of silence Snape spoke up again. "He'll apologize this evening."

Harry snorted at the statement. "Because he wants to or because you'll make him?" He had no doubt Snape could make him if that's what Snape really wanted.

"Trust me, Harry, your godfather feels awful about arguing with you," Snape explained evenly.

Whether Harry truly believed those words or not, he did believe that Snape wouldn't let go and that made all the difference.

He took a deep breath and probably tightened his grip without wanting to, before he opened his eyes and finally let go, taking an awkward step back. He tried to give Snape a smile, but he knew it came out weak. He could the wetness in his eyes and had to blink far too much. Gratefully, Snape didn't make any snide remarks.

"You want to talk about everything," Harry said more soberly, unsure of whether he would agree yet or not.

"No, I want you to come inside and eat," Snape answered simply.

"Oh," he snorted. Earlier when Snape tried to get him to leave the room he didn't have any type of appetite, but now his stomach was growling. He took a moment to brush himself off better before finally looking to Snape.

"Alright, lunch sounds good."

Snape just stared at him with one eyebrow raised in amusement before turning towards the house and Harry fell into step next to him. He couldn't help but laugh as the professor raised his free hand and ruffled up his hair causing grass to rain down. Being so at ease with Snape felt so _good_ and Harry wished he could savor the moment forever. He realized he'd been doing that a lot lately, wanting to lock moments away. It'd been essential to have an arsenal of happy memories when trying to survive the Dursleys. Of course before he had come to Hogwarts they weren't so much as memories but rather fantasies of a different life, with a real family.

"Marla would not approve of you coming to the dinner table with grass in your hair," Snape said as explanation and dropped his hand to Harry's shoulder for the rest of the trip across the yard.

He'd hate when all this ended, but he'd cherish every moment until then and pretend he had a real father for just a little while.

-SS-

The teen had finished up his soup and sandwich and was sipping his tea when Severus finally decided to break the comfortable silence.

"There is an Order meeting this evening that I must attend. Perhaps you would like to spend some time with your friends at Headquarters."

"Are you going to talk about…what happened?" Harry asked, glancing pointedly at the cane Severus had resting against his chair.

"It will be on the agenda, among other things," he responded before sipping his own tea.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Harry asked boldly.

In the past Severus would have immediately snapped that it was none of Harry's business. This time he took a lot longer to answer.

"You need not concern yourself with that," he finally supplied.

"But I am concerned!" Harry responded heatedly, before snapping his mouth closed.

"Trust that I can handle myself, Harry," Severus responded evenly.

"You almost died," Harry breathed out. He set his cup down and wrapped his arms around himself.

It unnerved Severus to blatantly see how affected Harry was by what might have happened to him. He wasn't used to the concern and certainly wasn't sure how to handle it. The one thing he was sure of was that he didn't like seeing Harry upset and he would do what he could to alleviate it.

"I'm sure you already realize it concerned the change in your trial date. However, I am still too valuable." That would have to do. Harry did not need to worry about any other details.

When Harry didn't respond Severus moved on. "Your godfather will want to speak with you this evening before the meeting."

Harry's eyes were filled with trepidation when they snapped up to meet Severus'.

"No doubt he will be wishing to apologize," Severus added, "and I will accompany you."

"Alright," Harry answered, letting out the breath he seemed to be holding.

Silence filled the room again. Severus didn't want to push Harry too much, but he did want to speak about some of the things the boy had said earlier. Surprisingly, he didn't have to make the first move.

"I'm sorry about earlier… making a scene," Harry said again.

"You certainly have nothing to apologize for. As I already said, it is your godfather who owes you an apology."

"But I shouldn't have said all that," Harry added.

"Because it was not the truth or because you did not want us all to know?"

Harry bit his lip and looked down. Severus already knew the answer to that question, but the boy's embarrassment just confirmed things.

"As I've explained before, my father was a rotten drunk. He took his animosity towards the world out on my mother and I because he could pretend there was something _wrong_ with us, something he could pinpoint. There was nothing we could have done to make up for it in his eyes."

By the look in Harry's eyes, he was both shocked and riveted to the abrupt explanation.

"Your uncle chose to be a fearful, afraid of magic and what he could not control. He let that fear turn him into an awful man. Your desire for him to change is not something to be ashamed of, Harry. I never stopped wanting my father to change."

Harry swallowed thickly and averted his eyes.

Severus did not want to push the subject too much. "Collect your Occlumency books. We'll work in the study, should you have any questions as you read."

Harry gave a nod and Severus could see the relief wash across his face with the closure of their previous conversation.

Severus had to admit it was a relief to himself as well. Even after twenty years it was hard to discuss.

-SS-

An hour later found Harry curled up on the couch reading yet another chapter on clearing your mind while Snape sat in his usual arm chair touching up lesson plans. Harry couldn't get over the normalcy of the whole situation and how comfortable he felt. It didn't even matter that he was reading an annoying Occlumency book.

Suddenly the floo flared green and Harry gaped as his two best friends tumbled out.

They both looked sheepish, but Ron had quickly squared his shoulders in determination.

"Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger," Snape drawled.

"What are you doing here? Did something happen?" Harry quickly chimed in, becoming worried that Sirius had run off to Little Whinging.

Ron looked hesitant for a minute with Snape staring at him, but then plowed on.

"That's what we'd like to know. What happened to your voice?" His eyes kept darting to Snape and back to Harry.

"Er, it's a long story," Harry answered glancing towards Snape to see how mad he was about having Hermione and Ron just showing up.

"Mr. Weasley, am I correct in assuming your mother is unaware of your little excursion?" Snape asked evenly.

At the mention of his mother Ron's shoulders drooped ever so slightly and Hermione stepped up next to him.

"That's correct, Sir," Hermione spoke succinctly, "But we were concerned about Harry being sick and no one would give us any information."

Ron had seemed to rally behind Hermione, clenching his jaw in anticipation of having to defend their actions.

Before Harry could interject at all to try and help his friends in their argument, Snape was already speaking.

"Very well. Inform her of your whereabouts and then you may both stay for dinner," he said.

Ron's mouth dropped open and it was even obvious that Hermione was a bit startled by Snape's response.

She opened her own mouth to speak before closing it again as if she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly.

Harry couldn't stop himself from grinning at the idea that Snape didn't mind if his friends were here, but he did stifle a laugh when the man arched at his two friends.

"Mr. Weasley, you will need to utilize the floo to make a fire call to your mother," Snape explained sarcastically.

"Right," Ron answered quickly before spinning around to look for some floo powder.

"Thank you, Sir," Hermione responded as well.

Snape gave a quick nod before returning his focus to the books he had in his lap.

Hermione took that as a cue that she could move and quickly rushed over to the couch while Ron spoke quietly to his mum in the background.

"Harry, what happened?" she asked in a hushed voice, her brown eyes filled with concern.

"It's a long story, but I'm fine, really," he attempted to reassure her. "Is everything alright at Grimmauld Place?"

"But Remus and Sirius were here. Something must have happened," she pressed, ignoring his question.

"And they looked miserable," Ron chimed in as he returned from the floo.

"As I have no doubt there is much to discuss, you might be more comfortable upstairs," Snape interjected before Harry could reply.

Harry wasn't sure how to interpret the man's words. Snape was an extremely private person, but he factored into this story a lot. He knew the man wouldn't want everyone to know how vulnerable he had been over the last few days.

"I imagine they will hound you until you tell them everything," Snape explained further at Harry's hesitation. "I'll call you down for dinner in a few hours."

Harry smiled, realizing Snape trusted him. He nodded and caught a glimpse of a small smirk before Snape bowed his head back to the work he had in front of him.

He rose to his feet, leaving the throw blanket on the couch and his book on the coffee table, before showing his friends upstairs.

By the time Snape called them for dinner, he had gone through the whole crazy story of the last few days.

-SS-

Even with a cane Harry was amazed at how poised Snape was when he stepped through the grate of Grimmauld Place, especially after he had just landed in an undignified heap.

Dinner had been really great and Harry was happy his friends had finally gotten to see a small bit of how Snape had changed. The man had still been very reserved around Ron and Hermione, but he did talk about their potions homework a little and Harry thought it must have been obvious that he and the professor were more comfortable around each other at the very least.

Now Harry found himself very uncomfortable. Sirius greeted him right away rocking on his toes as though he wanted to give him a hug, but was afraid to come too close. Mrs. Weasley had no such issues and immediately invaded his space, gripping his shoulders as she inspected him.

"Harry, dear! How are you feeling?" She asked with that motherly concern Harry had come to know from her.

"I'm fine, really," Harry answered quickly.

"Oh my! You sound terrible," she scolded, shooting a glare at the adults in the room. Harry thought his voice had improved tremendously and was glad Mrs. Weasley hadn't heard him a couple days ago. "Let me fix you up a cup of my special tea," she said, squeezing his shoulders briefly before bustling off.

Silence descended on the group again and Harry found most eyes on him, but he was unsure of how to proceed.

"Harry can we speak to you, in private," Sirius finally spoke up.

He knew Sirius was referring to Remus standing next to him and found himself nodding, but before he could move to follow them Snape had stopped him with a hand to his shoulder.

When he turned to look, Snape didn't say anything, but Harry already knew what he was asking. A warmth blossomed in his chest just knowing that Snape really was there.

"It's alright," he said quietly, but Snape didn't relinquish his grip right away.

It was a relief to know that Snape would be there if he needed him, but Harry felt like he needed to try this conversation on his own. He didn't want any extra tension in the room that he knew would come from Snape and Sirius just being in the same vicinity. He also didn't want to cause a scene right now.

"Really," he said in a tone he hoped was more convincing. It must have worked because Snape gave an almost unnoticeable nod of his head and let go of Harry's shoulder.

Sirius was waiting in the open doorway with an unreadable expression on his face. Harry attempted to give him a small smile as he made his way towards him.

"Arthur, there is something I wished to discuss with you," Harry heard Snape say as he exited the kitchen.

Once in the drawing room upstairs, Harry barely had a moment to worry about how this discussion would go when Sirius wrapped him in a huge hug. And it only took another moment for him to give in and relax into the wonderful feeling of knowing his godfather still cared about him.

"Harry, I'm sorry about earlier. I was an arse," his godfather said into his hair.

It didn't seem as though Sirius was going to relinquish his grip any time soon so Harry answered, "No, it's alright."

Sirius only squeezed harder then. "No, it's not alright," he said thickly, before he pulled away abruptly and held Harry by the shoulders. "Your parents would be so proud of you. WE are so proud of you."

Harry could see his godfather's eyes sparkling with what looked like unshed tears and it made his throat sticky and his own eyes water.

He tried to speak but wasn't sure what to say and found he could only take in a breath of air instead.

"I had no right to push you like that. And I was only so angry because…" Sirius closed his eyes as if in pain and took a deep breath. "Because no one should ever hurt you like that and I should have been there to stop it," he continued as he opened his eyes.

Harry was overwhelmed by the raw emotion his godfather was displaying and he tried not to fidget too much as he stood awkwardly in Sirius' grip. "It's not a big deal," he attempted to say, reverting to the easy route of denial.

Fury flashed across Sirius' face, but Harry's attention was drawn to Remus as he spoke up.

"Harry, please don't do that." His old professor had a despondency about him that Harry hated knowing he was the cause of. "We're not here to make you tell us anymore, but we know it was horrible," Remus went on. "We just want you to know we're here for you and we're not angry with you. We're angry at the people who were supposed to take care of you."

"I know," Harry answered quietly. "Just promise me you won't do anything to the Dursleys," he added quickly, turning to look at Sirius.

Sirius stared him straight in the eye for so long that Harry had to look away for fear his godfather was trying to do Legilimency, even though he knew that couldn't be the case.

"Please," he added, not wanting to beg, but needing to make sure Sirius wouldn't get himself killed over this.

"I promise I won't do anything foolish," his godfather finally said.

It wasn't quite the answer Harry was looking for, but he knew he wouldn't get anything better.

He was suddenly pulled into another hug by his godfather and he let his eyes fall closed.

"You're an amazing kid, you know that?" Sirius said.

Harry didn't really agree, but didn't know how to answer so he just hugged Sirius back.

-SS-

_TBC… _

Okaaaayyy I don't have any good excuses. I'm terrible. -Mara


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